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Despite being the director, Xisuma feels like the biggest actor of everyone.
They all look up to him, trust him, go to him in their hour of need knowing that he’ll be calm, collected and rational in his handling of any issue.
Inside, he’s everything but calm.
Cleo had warned him that he was putting himself on too much of a pedestal, and he ignored her. But they were right, and maybe if he’d realised that then, set a few boundaries along the way, then maybe this wouldn’t be so much of an issue.
First it was Impulse. Sweet, quiet, dedicated Impulse. He would work himself to the grave if he could and then still proclaim it not enough. A few weeks ago, X had wondered how someone could choose to live that way.
Nowadays he’s pretty familiar.
Watching the man overwork himself had driven Xisuma insane, so he had taken it upon himself to intervene. The first intervention seemed to go down quite well, Impulse had promised to try to take a step back. But then he just continued as he was, and neither the second or third intervention had done anything more to drive Xisuma’s point home. So then, he decided to get him an assistant, which, ah, that reminds him - there’s an interview for that role tomorrow. Great, yet another thing to stress about.
It didn’t stop with Impulse, however.
Hypno had at least been discreet. It took weeks of the caretaker meeting every request with a sigh for Xisuma to notice how exhausted he seemed. Cleo locked herself in her workshop for longer and longer periods of time, until they scarcely interacted with the cast any longer. Joe had been whimsical as always, but occasionally he seemed to falter. For a few days now, Xisuma has started to wonder whether this show is even worth it anymore. He’d dismissed that thought, until today.
There were two people Xisuma had always assumed to be unbreakable.
Ren, with his never-ending charisma and chill vibes, and False, who embodied the definition of strong-willed, always tough and collected.
How Ren had managed to put his foot through that stage, Xisuma would never know. Now it’s looking like he won’t even be able to perform at all, and he has one of the lead roles. There’s no way he could be replaced now…
His condition seems to be only physical, at least, staying remarkably sane throughout the ambulance ride, likely from the shock of it all. False, on the other hand, had broken. She had been overwhelmingly distraught at seeing him that way; it was like the floodgates had suddenly burst open. And like the calm and rational director everyone perceived him to be, he had intervened and offered to take Ren to the hospital.
Three hours later, Xisuma feels completely lost.
He looks to his left - to Ren, laying still in sleep - then to the white walls that assault his eyes from every direction. He could’ve left hours ago, with Ren in the hands of the doctors there was no reason for him to stick around, but he can’t even bring himself to stand.
It seems that he, just like everyone that counts on him, has reached his breaking point.
And in his eyes, that means that he’s failed them all.