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Chapter Text

Izuku was practically vibrating, every fiber of his being humming in excited energy. He would finally find out what his quirk was. It must be something really powerful, why else would the examinations and tests have taken over two hours?

Sitting on the small chair in Dr. Tsubasa’s office, he didn’t even dare to look away from the man for a second. Still, he risked it to look at his mother, to see how excited she must be as well!

‘Huh, she seems kinda worried? Well, his quirk must be really really powerful then!! Kachhan will be so excited as well! Then they will be heroes together!’

Pointing at an x-ray of Izuku’s foot, the doctor spoke: “I am really sorry for the long wait, Miss Midoriya, I have finally been able to make a diagnosis.”

Izuku’s smile grew even wider. He was barely sitting on the ledge of the seat, staring at the doctor in pure excitement. This was it, he would finally be –

“Your son is quirkless…”

What?

He must have misunderstood. What did the doctor just say?

No, he didn’t misunderstand!

Quirkless

He

It couldn’t be! Both his parents and relatives all had quirks! So why-

Izuku hadn’t heard anything the two adults discussed. His thoughts were only disrupted when his mom tugged at his arm, trying to get him to stand up.

“Izuku, come on baby, we need to go home.”, mom whispered silently, tears in her eyes. Did he imagine it, or was there something else there, something distant, judging? No, he must have imagined! His eyes are way too blurry. He hadn’t even realized that he had started crying.

Slowly, he stands up, getting dragged out of the doctor’s office by his mother. He feels numb.

Empty. That is what he feels, and he literary is, he doesn’t have a quirk to fill him. He is hollow, incomplete.

Izuku can’t sleep. He has been tossing and turning around in his bed for what felt like forever. Quirkless… Quirkless, empty and incomplete.

The revelation spins around in his head endlessly, since the doctor’s visit in the afternoon, it hadn’t left his mind. Just as he was about to stand up, he heard the front door open, footsteps.

‘Dad must be home. Maybe he should talk to dad, he always makes Izuku laugh! He will also ‘–

“Inko, I’m back home, sorry it became so late. How did the doctor’s visit with Izuku go?”

However, his mother muffled crying was the only response at first.

“He, he is … Hisashi what do we do?? Our son, Izuku, he is … he is quirkless!”

“WHAT!”

“Shhsh, he is asleep.”

But Hisashi didn’t care that Izuku was asleep. He didn’t lower his voice. He was furious, disappointed. Quietly he reasoned: “So it failed. Seems like my quirk doesn’t get passed on.”

Only to exclaim in a louder and way more furious voice: “I don’t care that the quirkless is asleep! I don’t care about it! I will leave, now! It is shameful enough to be a father of such a disappointment! He is- “

“NO! Hizashi, you can’t be serious. He is still our son. Yes, he is weak and it is disappointing, but don’t leave! Please, you can’t leave! What will become of me when you leave! I can’t raise him alone, you know how fragile he is. You can’t do this to me!”

While Inko’s voice grew louder and louder, Hisashi stomped into the apartment and gathered his things.

Inko’s pleading was to no avail. The door slammed shut, Hisashi left.

Izuku was abandoned, just like that!

He was huddled on the floor, leaning at the door. Left to cry alone, abandoned by a father because of his quirklessness, not cared for by his mother, who must have heard him crying, for his quirklessness!

Maybe it was true. Maybe he wasn’t only hollow and empty, maybe he was even less, less than everyone else. Not worth his father’s time and his mother’s love.

Izuku was walking to his next class. Somehow, his brain chose to remind him of the day, the day that the nightmare began. Seven years ago, when he was four. Since then, a lot has changed.

 Money was tight, so mom had begun working more, working overtime. And she was home less and less. She leaves him money, so he can buy his own things and be independent. Izuku was often upset about it, but his mother kept reassuring him, that she cared for him, that she sacrificed everything for him, that she was doing everything to keep Izuku safe.

So clearly, Izuku shouldn’t be upset, he should be happy, even though his mother is only home when he sleeps and during some precious hours on Sunday evenings. He should treasure that time, even though she mostly watches TV, or talks to Auntie Mitsuki on the phone. It is alright.

He should also be grateful for Kachhan. The other kids at school have been becoming meaner and meaner to him over the years. They only talk to him to mock him. They steal and destroy his things, they trip him, and sometimes even punch him. He always was horrified but never fought back. But somehow, the teachers still gave him detention.

But Kachhan, he, even though meaner than before his diagnosis, still talks to him. He doesn’t like the idea of him becoming a hero, and shouts at Izuku for it. However, he never went further than that yet.

Was Kachhan not also the person that started all this?

No, Izuku should be grateful, for Kachhan who he admires and for his mother who does her best to take care of him.

This is not a nightmare, this is reality and he is alright.

Chapter Text

Thirteen year old Izuku was walking to school, balancing his steps on the ledge of the sidewalk. The sun was shining, and it was nice and warm.

‘Nice weather today … maybe a good omen? We will get back that math test from last week later that school day. Maybe I didn’t fail that one?’

With a light skip to his steps, he makes his way to school. Today they had quirk history. He was really looking forward to that lesson. It was just so interesting, even though the teacher already told him that he would not understand any of it, because he didn’t have a quirk himself.

But his thoughts didn’t stay that bright for long. He experienced it before, that he failed tests he thought he did correctly, and never knew why. When he asked the teachers, they dismissed his questions and told him that as a quirkless person he just couldn’t understand some things.

However, he really wanted to understand. Maybe he did understand the topic of that math test?

Probably not though, he already failed the previous one and their teacher, Mr. Yokoto is always kind of mean to him.

It had always puzzled Izuku how he thought he understood everything quickly, to the point where he was starting to get bored in class, but still failed tests so often. This must mean that he doesn’t actually understand, he just thinks he does. And that there is a deeper meaning to the subjects that stupid him just can’t quite grasp. Why else would he fail all the time?

Like Kachhan has told him time and time again, he has to remind himself that he is quirkless, therefore less evolved and stupider than the others.

Thinking about today again, the nice weather is more of a façade, the actual day will be horrible and rotten. All because of him being too stupid to understand basic middle school things…

Shortly after, he arrived at school. He started his everyday routine, his plan to get through the day.

1. Keep your head low
2. Try to be small and unnoticeable
3. Arrive at the classroom as late as possible to avoid his classmates
4. Try to clean up his desk so it is usable (and hope there is not a red spider lily on his desk, like there was on his last birthday; luckily that has only occurred once; weird, they must have remembered the date just to mock him once again)
5. Pay enough attention to class to answer questions, even though he always answers them wrong for some reason
6. Hide in the bathroom during breaks
7. Run out the school as fast as possible after class
8. Pray that he is fast enough to escape
9. If not, don’t fight back, or else he will get detention again

The first class of the day was math. He arrived just one minute before the bell rang. His desk was surprisingly clean.

The only bad thing that happened was someone nearly tripped him when he walked down the stairs, but he didn’t fall so he was still fine. The day started out better than he thought it would!

“Good morning students! Before we start with our new topic, you will get back your exams. First, we will correct the exercises, then I will hand out the papers.”

Afterwards the teacher started handing out the exams. It looked like he would get his test back  last again.

‘Well, if these are the answers, I should have done everything correctly. Well, I will see my results in a moment, I can’t be too sure of myself yet, maybe I forgot what I actually wrote on the test.’

‘Oh, there. The teacher is coming over to me now…’

“Midoriya, I hoped you had finally learned from your previous failures!”, Mr. Yokoto said in his stern lecturing voice, he often used on Izuku.

“It seems like you really just can’t understand anything. Are you even trying to listen to what we are doing in this class?”

The whole class was outright staring at him. Some whispering and laughing, some glaring at him.

“See me after class, Midoriya”

With that he handed over the test. It was marked in red, way too much red. Nearly at every exercise he did something wrong. It even seemed like he was so useless again, that even with the corrected exercises on the blackboard, he could not figure out what he did wrong. And if he asked the teacher, he would get into even more trouble.

Sadly, he could forget about quickly hiding in the bathroom as well. Mr.  Yokoto wanted to talk to him after class.

As he already suspected, the day only had a nice façade. The actual thing was horrible.

He was walking out of the school building. He was so deep in thought that he didn’t even remember to hurry out. His usual routine forgotten after the failed test and his talk with Mr. Yokoto.

He was out of the school building already, but barely registered where he was going. That the street was completely empty, save for some footsteps behind him. He was feeling numb again, not paying any attention to his surroundings. That was the grave mistake he made, that turned the day from horrible to a complete nightmare.

He only noticed when it was too late.

A hand grabbed him and shoved him into an alleyway.

Before he could find his footing, he was slammed into the ground, head hitting pavement.

With a pang of pain exploding in his head, everything turned muffled and so horribly disorienting. This was bad, he needed to get away quickly. He needed to go. NOW.

Before he could get up, he was pinned to the ground by something, probably a foot.

He tried to wiggle his way out. Get away, somehow. He needed to be quick!

But pressed against the pavement, he could not get away. He stopped struggling, his head felt like splitting apart. He was so nauseous, why was it suddenly so bright. This-

Laughing. Cackling. From above him. Probably multiple people, they sounded familiar.

“Oi, you were right! That useless idiot didn’t even try to fight back. That’s amazing!”, someone shouted.

“Of course not. He is just a quirkless null. “ – ‘was that Kachhans voice?’

…

The minutes (probably just minutes, but it felt like hours) were one of the most horrible of his life. His classmates haven’t been that cruel in a long time.

Hadn’t he tried his best to learn his lesson and not bother them with his problems?

He probably didn’t do good enough. That is why Kachhan must have joined them as well.

Everything hurt, they had been kicking and punching him everywhere. He couldn’t move, everything was horribly blurry and spinning weirdly. He felt nauseous. Why was it so dark and at the same time so blindingly bright? He didn’t know. He never felt that before.

What he did know was that he had to stand up and get home.

There he had his first aid kid. If he could just get there and patch himself up, he would be alright.

While still horribly nauseous and a with a throbbing skull, he managed to push himself up on all four.

After a moment of trying and failing to control his breathing, he tried to stand up.

But it seemed like even that was too much! Everything was spinning, his legs were way too wobbly and unsteady. He tried his best to steady himself with one of the alleyway walls.

To his horror, he felt his vision going darker by the second.

‘It looks like they were right all along. I am even too pathetic to stand up. How am I supposed to get home like this?’

He was just useless, quirkless Deku, he was weak, and apparently too stupid to stand.

And ah , so soo sleepy.

Then everything went dark.

The first thing he noticed was the light breeze against his skin, which felt kind of weird, but he couldn't pinpoint why. He could also hear the distant noise of cars driving by and the …

‘Wait! Since when is there wind inside of my room? And why is the bed so uncomfortable?’

That is when he realized that he was, in fact, not in his room. With a quiet grown, he opened his eyes groggily, just to slam them shut quickly at the blinding light of a streetlamp.

Slowly, his senses and feelings returned. His body felt like lead, heavy and unmoving. His head stung terribly and throbbed with the smallest movements. His skin burned horribly, and he was starting to get nauseous.

With these sensations, the memories of what happened found their way back as well. He regretted that instantly. He didn’t want to remember! It was horrible. Kachhan and his lackeys were trying to teach him the same lesson as always. And as he was lying in the abandoned alley it seemed to sink in further then ever before. He really was pathetic.

After some time, Izuku fought his way back to his feet and started limping home. It had turned completely dark while he was unconscious. He needed to hurry and get home, he couldn’t worry mom too much. He couldn’t stand seeing her disappointed. With watchful gazes in every direction to see potential threats, he limped down the street.

At first every step sent agony through his body, every jostle made his head stab and spin in pain. But after a couple of minutes in this perpetual cycle of pain, he was able to block out some of it, through retreating into his quickly spiraling thoughts.

He was pathetic, limping around like that. His classmates just tried to teach him that he was weak, unevolved. He was and will never be able to become a hero. Not even someone who helps people in any other way. He was too weak. He couldn’t even help himself!

Distantly he realized he was turning a corner. His feet dragging his body through the nightly city.

How had he never realized just how stupid his dream was from the beginning? He wasn’t able to defend himself, probably never would be able to as well.

In the end he was just weak, quirkless Deku. He wasn’t even smart. Not in the slightest! He could not understand the simplest of things. Why was he like that? Why could he just not be like the others? Why did he not have a quirk?

His vision turned blurry. He must have been crying then. Huh, he hadn’t realized. Another corner –

Even with a quirk, would he be good enough? Probably not. He always was clumsy and slow to understand. So he would be, no, he had to be utterly useless either way.

His slow steps echoed slightly in the streets. His head must throb horribly at the moment. But he didn’t care. No, he couldn’t care anymore. It was all too much. He was numb again. Empty. Incomplete. He could feel the emptiness gaping inside of him, like a black hole that devoured him slowly from the inside. Quirkless, empty and numb.

In the distance he could already see the apartment building.

It is probably a good thing I don’t feel much anymore. Or maybe my body is screaming, and I just don’t get it? I am probably even too useless to understand that.

They had told him often enough. The world was better of without him. He was useless. A waste of space. Maybe he should go somewhere else. Leave mom, she is already so tired of working so hard, working to keep him around. But where should he go? He clearly was too weak to fend for himself. So what if he just ende –

He was standing in front of the entrance door. He was home. He opens the doors, still on autopilot.

The babbling of the TV finally shook him out of his numbness. Well temporary at least.

‘Wait, the TV? So, mom was home? Oh, no, that is bad, really –‘

“Oh, Izuku there you are! I was starting to wonder where you were. Please don’t stay out that late in the future.” Inko said, standing up and walking down the hall to Izuku who tensed at her voice.

“Hey mom. Yea, I just visited a friend… sorry I am that late.”

His mom eyed him up and down with sharp eyes. Would she ask about his ruined uniform, about the bruises that Izuku himself hadn’t even had time to look at himself? Why was she looking at him like that?

“Your teacher Mr. Yokoto called me. He said that you failed your test and that you are not even trying to improve! I want to see it!”

‘Peh, just school. Wait, Mr. Yokoto. I completely forgot. Oh no, this is bad, now mom would be even more disappointed. Why did I forget, why am I always that stupid.’

He groggily searched for the test in his backpack. Only then did he realize that one of his peers must have grabbed the paper and scrunched it while they were punching him. He gingerly handed the exam over to his mom.

“Izuku, I see what your teacher tried to tell me. Is school such a unimportant matter to you that you just scrunch up and destroy all your papers??”

“No, n-no mom! It i-isn’t I sw-swear! I tried my best in that maths test, I-I don’t u-understand why I failed. I must have not understood the d-deeper m-m-meaning of the topic m-myself. I am s-s-sorry mom.” Izuku pleaded.

That seemed to release some of Inko’s anger. Her gaze lightened to a pitying look. Oh, how he hated that look, but maybe it was better than her anger?

“Oh, so you just got frustrated with the results and that is why you crumpled the paper? I understand my baby. It is okay that you aren’t as good as the other kids. It is as expected of someone quirkless. I am so sorry for being so mean earlier.

But I still want you to try your best at school! I know how hard it is with all your smarter classmates and your struggles. But for you to have a future, you need to at least finish middle school.

And since no high school accepts people like you, my baby, I expect you to start working a part-time job. Go do some research on it! It would greatly help me out with our money struggles. I could even be home more.”

“A job? Mom, I don’t think… But w-what about UA? T-they accept q-quirkless! I can g-go there and b-b-become a h-he- “

“NO! Izuku, baby! I have told you often enough that you cannot do that! You clearly are not smart enough for UA, I see it with one look at your grades! And that’s not even the main reason! You are quirkless Izuku, you are not only at a disadvantage because you lack a quirk, but you are also weaker than the others! You know that.”

“I- I am not! I think –“

“Enough of that. You will get a job and complete middle school. No UA.”

“… Y-Y-Yes m-mom.”

Izuku’s last response was barely a whisper. He knew that he was incomplete, stupid and useless. He knew. And mom’s words stung, even though she said it in her nice and understanding way. She meant the same thing. The same thing as the people at school always said.

He could not be a hero. He could not be anything. He was hollow, incomplete. His empty shell just used up space, that is why he was always feeling so numb.

Mom was right, he should make himself at least a bit useful and get a job. That is the least he could do for his mom. So she didn’t sacrifice so much just for nothing. Yes, he could still be useful! He had to at least try! Maybe it would be his new goal, now that he finally understood how naive it was to think, he could ever go to UA, let alone be a hero.

He was about to turn around and trudge to his room when-

“By the way, Izuku baby, where did you get those bruises from and what happened to your uniform? You know that I can’t buy you a new one yet again!”

“Oh, e-ehm s-sorry mom, w-we were just r-r-roughhousing a l-little at s-school.”

“How often have I told you not to do that? You know that you are more fragile than the others, you need to be careful.”

Izuku felt his eyes sting. He looked at the floorboards and blinked rapidly. He was sure his mom wanted to say more, but he was saved. The TV started playing the intro song to Inko’s favorite show. Without another word Inko turned around and walked back to the living room.

Izuku just stood there. Numb. Empty. Aching.

After some time, he walked into the bathroom, got the first aid kit and patched himself up. No, he felt himself walking, he looked at what he was doing, but everything seemed so distant. Like he was on autopilot. The only thing stringing him to reality was the stinging ache in his head. He wanted it to disappear, he wanted to leave, leave reality.

That night, he cried himself to sleep.

But he couldn’t leave yet! Tomorrow, he had to start applying for a job.

Chapter Text

The next day, Izuku was barely able to get out of bed. His injuries were hurting horribly, especially his head injury. This, as well as the nausea and sensitivity to light, made him stay in bed the whole day.

He was lucky it was Saturday, otherwise he would have had to drag himself to school somehow.

The next day, he was able to do some research about job opportunities in the area. His concussion was still very much present (he googled his symptoms and quickly found out, that he should probably be in a hospital right now. Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t an option.) A bit of research later, he had a list of around 10 different job postings that he would apply for. Originally, he found more websites, which only allowed quirked individuals to apply, that he didn’t even bother to write down.

After a short nap to calm down his head injury, which started to send stabs of pain with every move he made, he continued the application process. He sent out e-mails, wrote documents and prepared phone calls, which he had to make the next day. Even though none of the offers stated specifically that they would accept quirkless people, he had his hopes up. After all, he still had ten potential future part-time jobs.

Exhausted, but also excited, he plops down on his bed. The dizziness from yesterday had returned, he probably should have waited longer before starting his research, but in no way did he want to disappoint his mom.

Now he just needed to wait and hope, hope to finally be useful. It felt like the first bit of hope for a decent future. The anticipation alone already filled him with joy!

A week after he sent the job applications, he hadn’t gotten any replies yet, but that was what he expected. After all, he was 13 years old, which is pretty young to work at all, also it has just been one week. He needed to be patient.

School this week had been hell. He had still been injured and hurting, but at least he didn’t get beaten up again.

Currently, on this nice hurt-free Sunday afternoon, he was chasing hero fights. Originally, he did this to help him become a hero in the future. Even though he finally understood that his dream was not achievable, he just couldn’t let go of an old hobby.

He quickly squeezed through the crowd that had gathered, pen and notebook in hand. The fight was between Death Arms and a villain with some kind of mutation quirk? He couldn’t tell what the quirk did, but it gave the villain some kind of hair that covered his body completely. He looked like a fluffy black void. If the guy was a cat, not a dangerous villain, he would have looked cute.

While opening his notebook, he went through Death Arms quirk, his strengths and weaknesses.

“Death Arms, Quirk ‘enormous arms’, well that is what I called it, I don’t know the actual name… Can lift very heavy things, is good at close range hand to hand combat, … fights without weapons and mainly punches with his bare fists…”

Izuku continued mumbling and starting a new page in his notebook about the villain. Just as he looked up, Death Arms threw a hefty punch at his opponent. But to the onlooker’s surprise, nothing happened, the villain was completely unaffected.

“Huh, seems like the villain’s hair can absorb punches. But that, … why, why is Death Arms just continuously punching the villain? He has to change his strategy! He…”

Mumbling Izuku scribbles down his analysis on a new page:

Black Void Villain

Quirk:

Shock absorbent hair

Quirk abilities:

absorb physical shocks like punches, limits?

Can still punch himself ->  control about shock absorbent-ness

…

Weaknesses:

 Maybe impaired vision because of hair?

Slow reaction time

Ranged attacks

…

 Suddenly, the people around him started screaming and running away. Just as Izuku looked up to see what happened, Death Arms crashed to the ground in front of him. He was in bad shape with multiple bruises starting to form.

Hurriedly Izuku took some steps back. He was way too close to that fight!

With a sigh, Izuku saw how Death Arms stood up again and went into a fighting stance.

Now he will finally defeat that villain! He just needed to …

To Izuku’s horror, Death Arms did not overthink his tactic to defeat the villain, and just continued mindlessly punching, which had no effect at all.

Izuku knew at least 5 ways how to defeat that villain, if only Death Arms would…

That’s it! I need to tell him!

Izuku started shouting: “Stop punching the villain! He absorbs all the energy! You need t –“

“GET BACK TO SAFETY, KID!”, Death Arms shouted at Izuku, who was now standing in the middle of the battle zone.

This gave the villain the opportunity to land another punch which nearly nocked the hero over.

Oh no, ono , no nono… This is bad! I didn’t help, what did I think? I just endangered the hero with my distraction! I need to get out of here!

Just as Izuku was about to turn around, Death Arms was finally able to defeat the villain through tackling him to the ground.

While Izuku watched the villain get handcuffed, he just stood there and stared. The adrenalin and rush of the situation were finally vanishing. Overwhelmed he just stood there thoughts racing.

The hero didn’t need his help. He was just in the way. And he endangered himself.

Still, Izuku couldn’t shake the nagging feeling away, that if he had been faster to tell Death Arms about his strategy and analysis, the fight could have ended differently. Maybe, if he –

“Hey kid, what you just did there was really dangerous and thoughtless! You could have been injured. Promise me, that you will never do something like that again!”

Death Arms had come closer and now loomed intimidatingly over Izuku. Izuku looked down ashamed. The hero suddenly had lost all his, well his, feeling of safety and trustworthiness. To be honest, Izuku nearly found the man threatening. He tried to respond but couldn’t.

“Well, I am glad that you are unharmed. What was it that you wanted to say during the fight?” the hero asked.

“I w-w-wanted to tell you a s-strat….”

No, that is a bad idea. The pro probably didn’t want to hear his stupid strategy. He was no pro, and he didn’t know enough about hand-to-hand combat to help. And most importantly, he didn’t have a quirk, so he couldn’t possibly imagine if that strategy of his would be successful!

He should ask something else, something important.

“Ehh-mm can I m-maybe ask a d-d-different q-question p-please?”

“Yes, of course kiddo!”

“C-Can someone without a q-quirk b-be a h-hero?”

The hero’s facial expression shifted from slight curiosity to something else. Izuku couldn’t quite define what it was, but the hero definitely was not happy about Izuku’s question. With a sigh the hero answered:

“Kid, to be a hero, you need to be strong. You need that strength to fight villains and rescue civilians. And that strength comes from your quirk! So, no, I don’t think a hero without a quirk is possible, they wouldn’t be able to survive in the field.”

NO! Izuku couldn’t believe it.

“I…”

Why did Death Arms, a hero, who normally encouraged everyone that they could be a hero say that?

“I-I-… d-don’t u-u-u-un-und-derstand…”

Everyone told Izuku no, no he could not, he was not strong enough, he was empty, hollow, weak. He was not strong! He could not ever be that strong!

In shock, Izuku looked down at his feet, tears in his eyes. It felt like the world stopped spinning for a moment, like all the thoughts on his head suddenly vanished.

“Hey, is everything alright? Are you injured anywhere? No need to be afraid, I can help you kid.”, Death Arms lamented on, oblivious to the hurt he had caused Izuku.

But wait, hold on, not every hero uses strength against villains! What about strategy. Yes, Death Arms would not have won the fight without at least some strategic thinking!

“Are you here with some friends or family? I can help you search or contact them. I-“

“D-Death Arms, Sir, I d-don’t think s-st-strength is e-everything in h-heroics! C-Can’t I c-c-compensate that w-with s-st-strategy a-and …”

Izuku trailed off, too afraid to finish the sentence. Death Arms contemplated the question for a moment before he answered: “Mmmh, yes strategy is important, you should never underestimate a good strategy! Still, even with strategy, someone quirkless can’t be a hero. Without strength you are left vulnerable and weak. It would still be far too dangerous. “

Since Izuku was too stunned to answer, the hero left him be, sending him a last disapproving look before leaving. Izuku just stood there, numb.

Why was he so stupid to ask that question? He should have known that it would be another no, another person not believing in him, just disapproving looks and stern explanations. After all, nobody believed in his dreams, nobody told him ‘Yes Izuku, you can do that!’. Not mom, not Kacchan, not his teachers, no, not even the heroes.  

With this short exchange, Izuku’s last hopes to become a hero were crushed. In the end he was still useless, quirkless. He was empty, hollow, incomplete. He was not strong like Kacchan or the other heroes. Even with his analysis he couldn’t reach his goal. They were useless, a waste of space, just like him.

Slowly, Izuku trudged home, deep in thought. His analysis notebook laid abandoned at the sight of the fight, another unwanted piece of waste, useless for heroics, and now also useless for Izuku.

The next time Izuku checked the clock, it was 2 O’clock in the morning. He had spent the rest of the day in his room, crying and screaming as the events and revelations of the day sunk in. His room was a mess. Hero statues, magazines and posters lying on the floor, destroyed. But the most notable thing were Izuku’s hero analysis notebooks. In his overwhelmed state of mind, he had ripped out every page. Years of work were now destroyed, only useless crumpled paper on the floor.

Izuku stood in the middle of it, panting heavily.

The only other option for him now was to find a job. Support his mother. He hoped that he would at least be good enough to achieve this, to help his mother.

Chapter Text

It is one month later now. Izuku’s room now looks bare and empty, gone are all the hero merch and most of the other decorations. Gone are the notebooks. Izuku regretted destroying these things. Not because he was sad that they were gone, no he was finally able to unleash some of the anger towards the world, towards himself, towards all the unfairness. He regretted it, because he could have sold the hero items.

Last month, his mom had only been home once, which was a new low. On top of his desperation and aimlessness, after having to give up on being a hero, the loneliness this caused were devastating for Izuku. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what kept him going, why he was still standing up every morning. How he clung to the thought that he still was able to amount to something, to be useful, somehow (a job?), he didn’t know.

But the most devastating thing about his whole dilemma was that Inko had left him with even less money than normally. Because of that, midway through the month, he had started skipping not only lunch (which he never ate at school anyway) but also breakfast. Inko must have it really rough at her job, if she worked that much and that long, while still not being able to provide him with more money. That’s why Izuku had to try his best to make it work, so he wouldn’t be a burden.

This meant he had to do what he could to support her, he had to be strong for her. Even if that meant living off instant noodles and nothing for some time; he really shouldn’t complain, at least he had enough food, some people don’t even have that!

Besides, their financial situation made Izuku’s part time job search even more important. The problem with that was that Izuku’s chances to make himself useful and find a job were dwindling quickly.

Most of the job applications were declined, as he was quote “not fit for the position”.

In his whole job search he went to one interview, but when interviewer realized, Izuku had no quirk, the interview ended quickly. After that Izuku was certain, that the other declines because he was “not fit for the position” were also because he was quirkless. It had been that way all his life: Once people found out that he was quirkless, they suddenly either didn’t want anything to do with him or they would mock him for it and view him as less worth than others. Why did everything have to be so horribly unfair to him?

For getting a job he had only one last chance: one chance to determine whether he was useless or not ; whether he would finally be able to start paying back for what his mother sacrificed for him. Whether he could have a place in this world, no matter how small and unimportant it was, or not.

So he calls the place: they say they have already found someone better suited for the job.

That’s it, he is done.

Every rejection had stung horribly. Slowly chipping away at his already low self-esteem. If he wasn’t even able to get a minimum wage job, he really must be useless.

He was out of options, so yesterday he told his mom on the phone. She had already been annoyed because he had called during her working hours. But once she heard about his failures, she was furious. She had screamed at him that he was stupid if he wasn’t even able to get a part-time job. Izuku had never been so ashamed of himself and so terrified of his mother. He had never seen her that angry, and he would do everything to avoid it!

But to his horror, she didn’t want to accept that. She said that he needed to find a job. If not, she would not be able to live like that anymore, to take care of him anymore. Beneath the anger she had sounded so exhausted. Izuku was truly sorry he couldn’t make her content.

It was an Ultimatum. He HAD to earn money somehow.

Or leave mom so, she could finally be ridden of the heavy burden that was her quirkless son.

Izuku normally tried to always listen in school lessons, so he would have a chance to understand the topics. So far it had been useless, because even though he thought he had understood a topic, he would still get bad grades.

But today he just could not concentrate. Yesterday he had called his mother about his lack of progress in finding a job. Because of this his thoughts kept coming back to the threat of the ultimatum and what he could do to avoid it. He had exhausted all the possibilities for potential workplaces in his area. He had searched for any unofficial ways he could earn money, he had even thought about doing some kind of craft and selling the results of it online.

But to his dismay, he hadn’t come up with a way to earn money. Now at school, he had even started considering illegal ways. But he had quickly understood that, if he earned his money illegally, he would achieve the opposite of what he wanted. He would be selfish and take money which rightfully belonged to others. He wanted to make himself useful, not be even more useless or even harm others intentionally!

It was nearly the end of the school day. He had had a long day and wouldn’t be home until around 17:30.

Bis thoughts were interrupted with the bell ringing, signaling the end of the school day. He suddenly realized that, because he was so lost in his thoughts, he forgot to pack up his things. He would not be able to leave the building quickly enough to escape Kacchan and his lackeys.

He needed to leave now!

Quickly Izuku threw all his things into his backpack and ran out of the classroom.

Yes, he made it! He still got away! Now he only needed to take a left turn and then, -

As he skidded around the corner he noticed them. There were Kacchan and at least four other boys blocking the hallway. Not being able to completely stop in time he bumped into his childhood friend?

“O-Ohh, h-h-hey K-K-Kacchan. W-Wha-“

“Looks like the that quirkless loser can’t even look where he is going!”

Kacchan was talking to his lackeys, like Izuku wasn’t even listening. Maybe he could leave, maybe they wouldn’t even notice.

He took one step back.

Kacchan was still looking away.

Another step. He needed to hurry, or he would never get far enough away.

Two more steps.

Still, no one noticed, they were talking and laughing about something.

He quickly turned around and started running.

“HEY, stupid nerd, where do you think you are going!”

Suddenly, there were people everywhere, blocking his way back. But he needed to go somewhere, there was only one more way, up the stairs.

Izuku stopped and looked around frantically.

Just as he was about to start running again, someone grabbed onto his backpack, making him fall backwards. From his position on the floor, he could see multiple people looming over him, sneering and laughing at him.

But he still needed to get to the stairs! He needed to get up!

But before he could move, he was knocked back down by an explosion. He fell back to the floor, his vision swimming from the effects of Kacchan’s quirk.

He had to keep people away from him, he had to stand up, get away!

Izuku struggled, shoved everyone away, barely able to see his surroundings. Pain started flaring up all over his body, as he was kicked and shoved around, not knowing what was happening.

His senses were slowly clearing, and he could see the stairs right next to him. He needed to get there! They didn’t even block his way there.

As Izuku tried to get up again, he was barely able to cover his face with his hands, before an explosion charged punch landed at his arms.

A sharp pain formed where the punch had landed. Izuku didn’t dare to open his eyes, but to his horror he could feel something – probably blood – dripping onto his cheeks.

Suddenly, his backpack was pulled away, while he was held down as he tried to struggle against it.

“Now that’s better you quirkless shit! Finally where you belong, aren’t you?”, Kacchan mocked.

Izuku was lying on his back, too scared to move or even reply. Slowly he opened his eyes, just for them to open wide in shock, as Kacchan planted his right foot onto Izuku’s chest, pinning him to the floor.

Izuku stared up at Kacchan wide eyed. Distantly he recognized the others laughing, watching him.

“So what have you been planning?” Kacchan demanded to know.

Izuku was speechless. He had no idea what Kacchan wanted to know.

He hadn’t planned anything. He had given up!

“I a-a-am s-ssorry K-Kacchan. I d-d-don’t k-kn-“

“Are you really that stupid to think that you could lie to me? That I HAVEN’T NOTICED?!?”

Kacchan screamed down at him. Anger flaring up in his eyes, the mocking look disappearing.

The pressure from Kacchan’s foot was increasing. It was getting increasingly harder for Izuku to breathe.

Oh no, he had said something wrong! What-

“YOU QUIRKLESS SHIT!! You can never be a hero! You are weak and useless! You-“

“KACCHAN!”

Izuku panted, trying to get are into his pressured lungs.

He had interrupted Kacchan. He was so done…

“K-Ka-Kacchan I g-g-ga-gave u-up. I a-am n-not t-tt-tryring t-to-“

“As if I would believe you that, you useless shit! You are plotting something! And it is useless, you are USELESS!”

For a moment they both stared at each other, Katsuki glaring down, Izuku barely seeing a thing, his vision swimming.

Suddenly, Izuku could feel the weight on his chest lifting. 

Kacchan turned around and trudged away slowly.

That was it, Izuku could get away! He needed to get up, to the stairs. They were just some steps away!

“Would be better if you jumped off the next roof or something, loser. Then you wouldn’t waste that much space anymore and you could even hope for a quirk in your next life!” With that Kacchan was gone.

Izuku’s overwhelmed brain had come to a standstill at those words. But his body was moving and a moment later he was running up the stairs, his legs threatening to collapse with every step.

He opened the door at the top of the staircase, not looking back once.

Izuku stopped and collapsed to his knees as the pain finally caught up to him.

He was on top of the school roof.

With a loud pang, the heavy door fell shut behind him.

Izuku didn’t know how long he had been lying on that roof, looking at the sky, not moving. It was only when the sun started setting, that he found the energy to sit up again.

He looked around, not seeing anything important.

Ok, he needed to focus, he should probably get up. Yes, and get his backpack as well!

Where was it? It should be…

His backpack wasn’t there. That was bad, really bad! That meant his phone and all his schoolwork was gone!

At that moment he noticed, that his school uniform was completely patterned.

He wouldn’t be able to wear it again, nor repair it.

So he had to ask his mom to buy him a new one, just a couple weeks after she had bought him this uniform. She will be so disappointed!

And since money was so tight at the moment, Izuku will be an even bigger burden than he already is!

He was so useless, why couldn’t he just have been a bit faster and gotten away quickly?

At least Izuku still had his hero analysis noteb…

No, no no nono He can’t be a hero, he gave up that dream of his. He wasn’t strong enough to be a hero.

He had destroyed the notebooks.

He should probably get home; it was already getting late.

With a groan, Izuku stood up onto shaky legs. Everything hurt. In his sitting position, he hadn’t noticed the extent of his injuries yet. Now, there was no more way around it; he had to look at them.

There were bruises forming all over his body, some of them coated in blood. Much more notably though, his head was hurting horribly where it hit the floor.

Izuku tried to touch the back of his head, to assess the damage done but quickly stopped himself with a yelp of pain. His whole forearms were bright red and burned. His right one looked the worst and he was barely able to move his arms, especially his hands. Even the smallest twitch of a muscle sent stabs of pain.

After a moment to brace himself with what was to come, he started slowly limping towards the door.

He pressed down the doorknob, barely able to stop himself from screaming out of the pain in his right forearm.

Nothing.

Maybe the door was just a little stuck?

A rattle.

Nothing.

Another shake of the doorknob, this time more violent, and accompanied by a pained shriek.

Nothing.

Nothing.

He was locked on the roof.

He couldn’t get down.

He didn’t have his phone; he couldn't call anyone for help.

His panic increasing with every step, he slowly made his way to the edge of the roof.

Maybe someone was still near the schoolgrounds, maybe they would hear it if Izuku screamed loudly enough.

He reached the edge.

He was on the second floor. The ground was so horribly far away, it even looked threatening.

But Izuku didn’t step back, he looked over the edge and searched for someone passing by, … anyone?

There!

Izuku took a deep breath, preparing to shout as loud as he could.

“Hh…-“

‘Would be better if you jumped off the next roof or something, loser.’

Kacchan’s words hit him like a sledgehammer. He had forgotten them until now.

But just as he remembered, the sentence threatened to drown him. He choked on his own words.

He didn’t scream for help.

He just stood there, watching the pedestrian pass by.

So he was even too stupid to scream, to get help.

Maybe Kacchan was right with calling him useless all the time. Maybe he was.

Suddenly, Izuku felt dizzy. Still deep in thought, he distantly felt himself sitting, legs dangling from the edge of the building.

Would be better if you jumped off the next roof or something, loser.

Then you wouldn’t waste that much space anymore and you could even hope for a quirk in your next life!

The sunset was over.

Would be better if you jumped off the next roof or something, loser.

Izuku could see the moon rising.

You wouldn’t waste that much space!

It was getting colder, he was freezing in the cold breeze.

You useless quirkless loser.

There was another pedestrian. This time a tall person with a hood obscuring his facial features. Izuku watched the man(?) approach.

He should call for help. Maybe they would hear it.

“…”

Was he even too stupid and weak to talk now?

“… …”

What good would it even do to call for help? Even if he did, he would still be empty, he would be weak, he would be useless.

With what right did he even consider disturbing the pedestrian? After all he was just a useless waste of space without a quirk. He would just put a burden on that pedestrian as well.

No, he really shouldn’t bother others with his own problems that much.

His only other option now was to stay on the roof. If only Kacchan’s statement would stop playing on repeat in his head.

Would be better if you jumped off the next roof or something, loser.

No…

His advice…

If he took the advice, maybe…

Maybe then he wouldn’t that much of a burden anymore.

Maybe his mom could finally work shorter hours.

Maybe he would just once in his life do something truly useful.

Maybe he would be useful.

Maybe he would stop feeling empty.

Maybe he would stop feeling incomplete.

Maybe he would be complete, fulfilled.

If he was gone, it would probably be better for everyone.

Izuku looked down. The possibility of falling from the two floors he was up suddenly didn’t feel that threatening anymore.

Maybe they were inviting Izuku, they were waiting…

Inko had often thought about kicking Izuku out of the apartment. But even though her quirkless son was an utter disappointment, failing at school and not being able to get a job, kicking him out still felt wrong.

Inko, to her dismay, felt a little bit guilty.

But she couldn’t take it anymore. So, to stop her guilt, she would move out, leaving only Izuku in the dreaded apartment!

She has already been steadily reducing the times she had to come to the small apartment, where Izuku lived. The quirkless kid really was that stupid that he still thought she cared for him. Normally he was always home, most of the time at least somewhat happy to see her.

But today was different, Izuku wasn’t home and also didn’t come, even though it was getting late.

Well, that would make this a lot easier for her.

She had had enough of having to waste money on the quirkless kid. Today she packed up the last belongings that she needed from the dreaded apartment.

Katsuki was on his way to school, and he was absolutely seething. He had had horribly bad luck this morning!  Not even did his alarm clock stop working, but he also lost one of his schoolbooks and dropped his cereal bowl.

He was already looking forward to venting his anger on that quirkless Deku.

That was the only thing the weakling was good for anyway, being his punching bag!

Distantly, Katsuki could hear ambulance sirens somewhere.

He reached the school gate.

As usual, these stupid extras started flocking to him right away.

As they saw his hangry facial expression, they quickly stepped away and Katsuki angrily stomped his way to the classroom.

Maybe Deku would come to school early today, then he could let out some of his anger even before the first period!

But Deku wasn’t there.

The bell rings.

The teacher takes attendance.

The quirkless null was still missing, which was odd, he was never missing.

Uuchh, now he had to find another loser to let his anger out on.

Katsuki wondered what happened.

Maybe Deku had taken his advice?

That would mean that the null had done something smart for once in his life!

HAH, the weakling would finally get what he deserved!

…

… …

… … …

But did Deku deserve this?

Chapter Text

Something feels off

But … what is it??

…

…

It’s the light

…

It comes from the wrong side of his bedroom.

It is on the right, but normally it is on the left side.

But why?

…

And then there was that penetrating beeping sound.

Wait,

A beeping sound? In his bedroom?

That was wrong, what was beeping? Where was he?

Izuku couldn’t think. Something felt off, he felt off. He wasn’t in his bedroom, so where was he? He didn’t remember … going anywhere?

Actually, what was the last thing he had done before he went to sleep, wherever he was?

Izuku tried to remember something, anything. But it seemed like the more he tried, the dizzier his thoughts became.

Maybe he should try to find out where he was first.

He focused on opening his eyes. Even that felt weird…

And why was everything so horribly blurry?

After waiting a moment, his eyes started to focus. The ceiling was white, as well as the walls.

Maybe he was …

He looked to his right and saw weird equipment that he seemed to be connected to.

There was a heartrate monitor and many other things that he didn’t know the meaning of.

In a hospital.

So whatever he last did brought him here.

Even though his concerns were growing by the second, he couldn’t remember what had happened.

He also wondered, why he was treated that nicely. Last time he had needed treatment at a hospital, they sent him away, as soon as they found out that he was quirkless.

So why was he here?

Maybe he should try to move a little bit? What brought him here couldn’t possibly have been that bad, could it?

As he started moving his head around, to further look at the room, he heard the door open. A nurse came in.

“Oh, hello there. I see you are awake!”, the nurse greeted with a soft voice.

As she came into his line of view, Izuku saw that she was looking at him with a gaze, that only portrayed kindness.

Why?

…

“How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?”, she asked.

“…”

They probably didn’t know that he was quirkless! That’s why the nurse was so nice.

“N-N…no…”, Izuku croaked out.

Why was speaking so hard? Did that mean that he was injured more severely than he had thought? And for how long had he been sleeping? No, unconscious.

And even though he was conscious now, his body felt weird. Like there was something seriously wrong. He –

“That is good to hear! Still, your injuries are pretty severe, you should avoid moving for now. Try to rest. I will bring you some water and call the doctor.”

So he was severely injured. But why?

YOU QUIRKLESS SHIT!! You can never be a hero! You are weak and useless!

Izuku flinched.

Kacchan? Why is he here?!?

No, that … that was a memory. But what had happened? He still didn’t understand.

With another click of the door, his memories came flooding back: What had happened at school, what his classmates did, how he fled up the roof, what Kacchan said… what he said?

Would be better if you jumped off the next roof or something, loser.

Then you wouldn’t waste that much space anymore and you could even hope for a quirk in your next life!

No, not what Kacchan had said.

More like how Kacchan had suicide baited him!

But how could his friend, how could Kacchan, … , no, … not his friend, not his Kacchan. He had left him a long time ago, his Kacchan wouldn’t have done something like that.

But…

Katsuki, no, Bakugo could! And he did!

Distantly he noticed the nurse trying to give him some water, talking to him with her soft voice.

There was also another pair of footsteps approaching. Probably the doctor. Izuku’s thoughts were racing, why was he in the hospital?

Have his classmates gone too far? Did he get hit on the head? Why-

If he took the advice, maybe…

He…

Izuku…

Had jumped.

The realization filled him with a weird clearness. He just knew, even though he still couldn’t remember anything clearly, maybe it was better that way.

But, that meant, that he had failed, once again. That he wasn’t even useful enough to end it all. And because of that he now was an even bigger burden. After all, the hospital staff were taking that good care of him. And that all for nothing! Their efforts would be completely useless!

But he still had to at least try to pay the hospital staff back somehow, so that their effort would not have been a complete waste, even though he would remain the way he was, still incomplete, still a waste of space.

So if he tried to end it all again, he wouldn’t waste people’s time anymore, but on the other hand, the effort of the nice and softspoken nurse and doctors would go to waste. He really didn’t want that. Maybe that was a sign for him to try again and make himself useful, and not leave?

A second person entered the room, tearing Izuku out of his thought process.

It was a tall man with glasses and two pairs of arms, holding papers and a coffee mug.

As he looked at Izuku, he introduced himself. He stopped a couple meters away from him, on the other side of the room. It seemed more like the doctor was talking to some kind of scared animal, than a patient. After a moment the doctor started speaking again:

“I am glad, you already look a lot better! First, could you please tell me your name and a way to contact your parents?”

So they really had no idea who Izuku was. That is why they were treating him so well. If only they knew…

“…”

“I am sure that your parents must be worried by now. So please do everyone a favor and tell me your name. No need to be afraid, we just want to help you.”

Izuku couldn’t tell him, so he just looked at the doctor with wide eyes, fearing the consequences of his silence.

“mhh, well, take your time, you can tell us later.”

The doctor moves closer to Izuku’s bed and sits down on a cheap looking chair next to him with a heavy sigh.

“You know, you were really lucky that there was a doctor with a healing quirk present when you were brought in. Without them and the surgery we performed, you would be dead by now, so even though you still have some lasting damage, you can consider yourself lucky that you survived!” the doctor said with a smile.

Lucky?!? How was he lucky? He didn’t want to be here! He was not lucky!

The nurse shuffled uncomfortably at the doctor’s wording, but stayed quiet and let the conversation continue.

“To make it short: you fell onto the left side of your body, meaning most of the damage was and partly still is there.

You suffered multiple fractures, some bad ones in your left leg and hip. Luckily the surgeon with the healing quirk was able to fix those nearly perfectly. You will still have a slight limp in the next weeks, but it will fade.

But sadly, even with a healing quirk and extensive surgery, we couldn’t restore your left hand and arm completely. Because of this it will stay deformed and may cause pain. But don’t worry, physical therapy will be able to help with that!”

Izuku looked at the docor, his brain stubbornly refusing to process what the doctor was saying. Maybe the extent of his injuries was lucky? Because he only suffered some fractures? But why? He…

Izuku looked up to the nurse, standing somewhere behind the doctor. Why did she have that sad expression?

The doctor sighed.

He…

Izuku should tell the doctor that he was quirkless, anything else felt like a betrayal. He didn’t understand why he felt that way, but something was still off.

But before Izuku could respond, the doctor continued speaking:

“Unfortunately, you have also suffered nerve damage in your left arm. This means that even though your hand was partially restored, you will have limited movement and strength in that hand.

The worst outcome would be that the hand stays completely stiff and unmovable, but with physical therapy you may be able to regain some of it.”

So, he wouldn’t be able to move his hand ever again? Was this what he got for being so naïve and thinking he was able to take the easy way out? To just stop? Escape?

But he was too useless to do even that right. And now, how was he supposed to do any better? His hand was crippled!

It had to be the price for his stupidity! The price for taking Kacchan’s Bakugo’s advice!

“Luckily, the healer was able to completely heal all other injuries, but you still have to rest a lot, since you had a bad concussion which could have left some sort of brain damage.”

At this point, Izuku was barely listening.

Wasn’t he even more caged now than before? Caged and trapped by his quirklessness, by his uselessness, the emptiness he could never fill? And now also by his lack of usable hand? No, by his disability?

And how was he supposed to go to therapy or come back here for checkups? As soon as they found out that Izuku was quirkless, they would kick him out.

…

He wouldn’t be able to get that therapy…

His hand would stay stiff and useless…

…

Well, that’d at least fit to the rest of him…

“To recover as much movement as possible in you hand, treatment needs to start as soon as possible. I can…. “

He just couldn’t bring himself to listen. The moment, where the doctor will find out about his quirklessness kept repeating in his mind, … and it hadn’t even happened yet.

Wouldn’t the doctor be less angry if he found out sooner, rather than later?

“He is an experienced th…”

I am quirkless…

“…”

“This will help you in the meantime…”

Everyone will be so angry at him again! Why did he have to be that stupid? Why did he wait so long? Who even got him into that hospital?

He just needed to do this one thing right!

“I…”

Izuku’s voice was barely a whisper, but the doctor still noticed and looked at him expectantly.

“I…”

Izuku couldn’t do it. But if he lacked the courage now, he would never be able to…

“I am quirkless!” Izuku exclaimed, this time with a steady voice, looking at the doctor who was sitting there, mouth slightly agape.

… able to what exactly?

For a moment, the previously friendly nurse and the doctor looked at him shocked.

But then the doctor’s gaze darkened, and he stood up abruptly.

“Why did you useless brat only think to mention that now? All efforts for nothing! I don’t treat quirkless, you are discharged! Leave now!”, the man shouted, fuming angrily.

While Izuku just looks at blandly, as the doctor’s change in behavior sets in -weirdly not being able to care any less – the nurse had a pitying look in her eyes.

Putting a hand on the doctor’s shoulder, she tried to interfere, tried to keep Izuku in the hospital.

Izuku had already heard the nurse’s arguments, though from different people in the past. The quirkless were more ‘fragile’ and ‘weak’, therefore they should be pitied and taken care of.

Normally Izuku would prefer this mindset over others that were more similar to the doctor’s. But since he had woken up … after … he … he felt a weird kind of anger boiling inside him, at the nurse’s words.

Why did this suddenly upset and anger him? Wasn’t it true? Everyone told him that he was useless, incomplete in a sense, without a quirk. That he was less than his quirked peers. That is what he himself came to belief as well, after K- Bakugou had told him time and time again.

But Bakugou had been wrong with his prediction, that Izuku would be better of if he had jumped… But he was still here, still useless, still a burden, still empty, quirkless.

So did that mean, that the quirkless people, that Izuku, wasn’t weak, wasn’t useless?

No that couldn’t be.

The nurse’s resistance had only lasted a couple of minutes. Afterwards Izuku had quickly found himself in front of the hospital, doors falling shut behind him. He looked into the night ahead of him, with his left arm in a sling, a thick cast securing his hand in place.

His vision was swaying slightly. So, as he was waiting for it to subside, he tried to untangle the mess, that were his thoughts.

He didn’t know how to feel. In fact, he felt weird, not only because of the painkillers still in his system, but also because that boiling anger, the fear, the feeling that all this was unreal.

At least, now that he was out of the hospital, he wouldn’t burden the healthcare workers there anymore. They have had so much trouble with him already, stitching him back together. He…

He would probably not be able to use his left hand ever again.

No, he would never be able to use it again. The doctor had said that he needed physical therapy to improve. Izuku had told the doctor that he was quirkless, and that ruined his chance to ever move his hand again, if there ever was one.

But it was the right thing to tell the doctor, he wouldn’t be that much of a burden that way.

Or was it?

Izuku would be even more useless, now with a useless hand and a limp, but to his surprise, he had a feeling of comfort, no of freedom, as he stood outside the hospital.

Maybe the crippled hand was not the price he paid for his uselessness and his mistakes, maybe it was also the price he had to pay for a new chance in life? A price for his freedom, at least in his mind?

Izuku eventually made his way home, liming and stumbling, his vision swimming. Izuku had tried to think of a way to tell his mom about his absence, but in his current state, he wasn’t able to come up with anything.

Filled with dread and anxiety, he opened the door. Maybe his mom wasn’t home? It was already way past midnight, so maybe she was working a late shift again?

As Izuku closed the door behind himself, he suddenly stumbled. His injuries had taken a toll on him. Izuku was horribly tired and drowsy. He fell into bed and was asleep in an instant.

It was only the next day that Izuku noticed the letter propped up on the kitchen table. As curiosity got the best of him, he took the letter, struggling to open it with only one hand.

His hands shook as he read the lines.

His mom was gone, she had left. Even his own mother couldn’t take him anymore. Couldn’t take the burden that he posed.

Izuku was useless, weak, alone, so so utterly alone.

But he could also feel a weight lifting off him – he wouldn’t be a burden to his mom anymore, he was free?

Chapter Text

It had been over a day since Izuku found the letter. Since Inko, his own mother had left him.

He was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

At first, Izuku had stood motionless, the letter still in hand, his brain trying to comprehend the meaning of the words it contained.

After the first shock had faded, Izuku was distraught, sad, lost, and so so lonely.

He had locked himself in his room. Lights out, blinds down.

He had been in bed, weeping loudly, rolled up into a tight ball. He had tossed and turned, aggressively tugging at his blanket, his pillow, his clothes, his hair. Nothing helped…

He had paced the room, the blame, for what he had driven his mother to do, eating him up alive.

He had stood at the door of his room, thinking that, maybe, maybe Bakugo, no, Kacchan was right after all. He had been such a burden to his mom, so much so that she had left. She had left her own son, her child. She had left Izuku.

She must be broken right now, probably sad and crying think Midoriya tears.

And who was to blame for that?

Izuku.

It was his own fault.

Because he was so useless, and only ever made problems for the people around him.

Izuku pressed down the door handle, if he took Kacchan’s advice, his mom would be happy again, because she was finally rid of his stupid, useless quirkless son.

But the door didn’t budge. He had locked it. He forgot.

Izuku reached for the key that was still stuck in the keyhole.

Just before he reached it, he hesitated.

His mom had already left him. If he took Kacchan’s advice again, would she even care? She was already gone, so Izuku didn’t burden her anymore. Even though he was to blame for her leaving, Izuku ending things wouldn’t change much for her anymore.

He would probably not do it right again, and waste other people’s time again, while they tried to take care of him. Like last time with the nice nurse with kind eyes and the doctor that looked at him like he was some kind of disgusting animal.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Izuku tried to clear his head, tried to sort his thoughts. But nothing helped.

He couldn’t even think straight, how was he even too useless to do that? Maybe the jumble of thoughts would fill the emptiness inside of him? But die he want –

Bang

 Pain erupted in his forehead, after he had banged it on the door frustratedly.

That had helped. A lot actually. His thoughts came to a halt.

He took a step back, then another one and another until he collapsed onto his bed. He lay there for a moment, his brain luckily not racing anymore like it did before.

He knew what he needed to do now, what was his only option from now on.

He was still empty and useless without a quirk and maybe he also was a waste of space. But taking Kacchan’s Bakugou’s advice would be wrong. He had already tried, it had not worked, it made him even more useless than before. He needed to stop that.

From now on he would do everything to stop inconveniencing people, to stop being a burden. This meant he had to earn his own money, live alone and fend for himself.

He had to survive.

Since his mom wasn’t there for him anymore, he had to do it alone maybe even with all means necessary?

After that, Izuku was able to get up, drink some water, use the bathroom and collide back into his bed. Seeing the rest of the apartment had brought unwanted thoughts, thoughts and grief about his mom. To Izuku it felt like she had died, even though she was still alive.

After all, she had just left, she wasn’t truly gone. She was just gone to Izuku.

That night Izuku cried himself to sleep, he allowed himself to rest and to grief. But the next day, he had to start with his new plan.

The smell of smoke hung in the air heavily. The kind that made your eyes and nose burn after a while. The room was big, the tatami-floor covered in burn marks and scratches, when even the special fireproof material that they were made of couldn’t withstand. There were some training machines and dumbbells shoved to one side of the room haphazardly, creating more space in the middle of the room. If you looked close enough, you could also see some small ice shards, but compared to the scorch marks, they were scarce.

Just like the fire had taken control over the room.

Had tried to burn it alive…

Shoto was laying on the floor, his entire body ached. His left arm throbbed from an especially bad burn. He didn’t know how long he had been laying there; he just hadn’t had the strength nor willpower to get up. He had just been looking at the flooring boards, mentally tracing each line and mark in the wood, trying to avoid the burned places.

It was impossible.

Every time he saw one of the blackened areas, a squirt of panic entered his mind. To Shoto it felt like his mind was barely functioning, barely staying awake anymore, while his eyes tried to avoid the scorched wood.

…

Maybe he could close his eyes?

…

No,…

No, no, no!

He needed to stay alert, he needed to know when the next attack would come!

He couldn’t just let his guard down like this!

…

He was still trying to avoid the fire, to dodge it. The battle continued mentally, after it had ended physically. It was endless.

It is all too much, he needs to get away, get away from the fire! Before it traps him! Before it burns him again!

With panic consuming his thoughts, chasing away the tired nothingness, he was able to sit up with a groan.

He was alone. Endeavor had left long ago. Well, it felt like it was long ago. He didn’t actually know how long it had been, it could have been mere minutes.

Shoto knew that nobody would come to check up on him, to help him put burn cream and bandages on his injuries.

Nobody would do that.

Nobody.

Not Natsuo, because he had moved out hours away for university.

Not Fuyumi, because she was ignoring Shoto’s problems to keep up her ‘happy family’ façade.

Not Endeavor, because Shoto, his ‘masterpiece’ was perfect, and if it was not, it, no, he Shoto, needed to face the consequences.

And certainly not mom or Toya, they were gone, one dead, one locked away in a mental hospital. But that somehow felt even worse than if she were dead.

Shoto managed to get up and drag himself to his room, collapsing on his mattress and falling asleep immediately.

His last conscious thoughts being ones of fire, pain and loneliness.

…

It had been dark before, but then suddenly, red flickering light erupted from all around him.

…

Fire…?

Fire!

FIRE!!

Everywhere!

Smoke making him cough

…

The flames were rising

…

He couldn’t move!

…

There was no escape

…

But he needed to get away!

He needed to flee!

Escape!

Now!!

…

The flames were about to swallow him whole, when –

Shoto woke up tangled in his blanket. Gasping for air, his skin sweaty and hot. He was shivering. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest rapidly.

After a moment to compose himself, Shoto started moving and tried to untangle himself from his blanket. It was wrapped around him impossibly tightly. Like he was trapped, bound by his blanket. And it had this weird extremely uncomfortable feeling to it, he couldn’t describe it, but Shoto needed to get rid of it!

When he had finally freed himself from the blanket, he shot up from his bed.

He had gotten rid of the tangled blanket, so why was there still that lingering feeling of being trapped? Had his room always been that small? Were the walls shrinking? They HAD to be!

Thoughts racing, Shoto stumbled a few steps towards the door.

No, this was stupid, his room was the same, it hadn’t shrunken. It still had the same number of pictures above the desk, the secret pattern to the wall, that Fuyumi hadn’t understood when Shoto had tried to show it to her was still the same.

This was definitely his room! So why it so weird? So empty? Why did he want to get away? Run?

Suddenly there was a weird flicker in the corner of his vision.

What was that? Fire?!?

Shoto spun around, looking frantically.

Nothing.

No fire, no weird lighting, just his room.

Shoto’s breathing quickened. Was he loosing his mind?

Trying to ground himself, he closed his eyes.

…

Fire…

Flames flickering in horrific yellows and oranges…

Smoke…

The walls…

RUN!!

Shoto opened his eyes, the mental image of fire disappearing. He couldn’t handle it anymore! He needed to leave! Just escape!

Run! Run away from the fire, the pain, the walls closing in, collapsing?, escape!

Shoto opened the window. It was night, he could see the faint glow of stars in the blue night sky. He felt a cool breeze hit his still sweaty face.

Without his brain really catching up to what he was doing, Shoto took his phone, his keys, the first pair of shoes he stumbled upon. He opens the door, the fresh air hitting him, now truly waking him up from his nightmare. The smell of smoke, the fire spreading just out of his vision, gone, swept away by the clear dark night sky.

Shoto climbed the fence and started walking. He had escaped the house, the nightmare, the fire.

The pain was still there, his injuries still untreated, but Shoto felt good, for the first time in who knows how long.

He walked aimlessly, following the pattern of the stone tiles on the sidewalk. It felt grounding. He felt like right at this moment, nobody could stop him, not even Endeavor.

He knew he had to get back to the house eventually, but for now he was just walking. Mind free from fire.

He should do this more often, it really helped.

Things don’t always go as planned. In fact, in Izuku’s life, most things don’t go as planned.

And that grand plan about him becoming useful, not being a burden to anyone anymore (not like there were many people left that he could burden with his existence anyway) – he hadn’t even started his plan yet and he already failed.

Why exactly did he fail?

Well, Izuku was still inside his dark room, air stale and blinds down. He just hadn’t found enough strength in himself to leave the room for longer than a couple of minutes. Longer than to heat up some random food he had found in the fridge after he couldn’t stand the stomach pains anymore.

Turns out that even though he felt like he had not a single ounce of energy, his body still somehow forced him to eat, to drink, to live on.

It was over a week later – he didn’t know the exact number of days; he had lost count long ago – that Izuku had run out of food. He had already eaten even less than normal, too depressed to care about his grumbling stomach.

But eventually, he needed to leave, even though he didn’t want to.

But could he actually leave? Would he be able to do so? After all, he had already been too stupid to follow his plan, his new destination, if you wanted to call it that. He had failed before he had even begun doing anything. He was so stupid! And what did it bring him? Nothing!

He was still sitting in his darkened room, starving slowly…

That meant, if he wanted to achieve his goal, to survive, to not be a burden anymore, he had to leave!

With new determination, Izuku put on his shoes, collected the small amount of money he still had stashed away and collected his thoughts.

With a deep breath, he took all his courage together and stepped out the door.

The fresh air hit him – he hadn’t even realized how stale the air had become in the apartment.

Izuku started walking, talking deep breaths of fresh air and for the first time since Inko had left, feeling at least somewhat happy.

Still, being outside just felt weird. He felt naked in a way and like everyone was constantly staring at him. He could feel the glances bore into the back of his head.

He felt like the prey, being spied on by the predators ready to lunge.

He didn’t want anything else than to return to the apartment, his safe-haven - his personal little cave.

There he would be safe!

How had he thought, that he could be useful, when in reality, he was even too scared to walk around outside!

He finally made it to the corner store 20 minutes away. (The employee from the one closer to their his apartment chased Izuku away after he found out Izuku was quirkless, … stupid red shoes, that make him stand out like sore thumb! As if the people that made the shoes wanted to scream: ‘Hey, that guy wearing these shoes is quirkless! He amounts to nothing!! Go ahead, bully him, it’s okay :) !!’)

After buying as much food as his money gets him (which is not much) he jogs back to apartment.

Closing the door apartment door behind himself, relaxed instantly, shoulders slumping forward, releasing the breath he hadn’t known he had held.

And that’s when Izuku realized: it was morning. Normally Izuku, and everyone else his age, would be at school.

That’s why everyone was looking at him: They were wondering why he was not at school! Why was he so stupid and had not thought about just going in the afternoon?

Izuku prepared some instant noodles and ate them in living room on the couch; if he rationed his food and skipped some meals, he would be able to survive from it for maybe another week or so.

That was…. not good….not good at all…

But what could he do?

After sitting for a couple more minutes, Izuku got up and took a new notebook to start planning.

‘Financing and survival plans for the future’

That’s what he would call it! Admittedly, the name was a bit less promising than ‘hero notes for the future’, but it was no less important.

He needed a stable income to survive and for that he needed a job.

But Izuku had tried everything to get a job, and it was to no avail. So, getting a job wasn’t an option, well not for now, he would still do his research on the topic later.

What he needed now was money, even if he couldn’t get a stable income, he needed the money.

Izuku jotted down all his thoughts in his notebook, it was an important topic after all! If he forgot something, he could always look at the book, or he could even do improvements on the plan later!

After not being able to come up with any possible ways to make money, Izuku thought about other options that he had:

Stuff like food banks, or other institutions to help the poor were out of the picture, they wouldn’t help someone quirkless, he had heard about that online.

It also wouldn’t help to be part of foster system, he would be at the mercy of whoever was their caretaker, and the other kids there. He would be helpless! No, that was not an option either.

With a shiver running down his spine, he realized that he needed to do this alone, he had no way to get help from anyone else. He was completely and utterly alone. He had no one to support him and no way to earn money.

But if not money, what did he even have?

Izuku looked around the room.

That’s when it hit him: he had the apartment, at least for this month, before the landlord kicked him out, and in it he had all the furniture and other things!

All those things had to be worth a good amount of money, meaning that if he sold them, he would have more time to get a stable income! That had to be enough for at least a month wort of food!

But was that really okay? After all, that was Inko’s furniture, Izuku had grown up with most of it, there were important memories attached to some of the pieces.

But Inko had left it here, like she had left Izuku, so it was probably okay for him to sell the furniture. And if he wanted to survive, he couldn’t afford to be held back by memories and emotional attachment! He had to do everything necessary, even if that meant selling their his comfortable couch!

(It was somehow easier to call her Inko, then Izuku could pretend that he was talking about some stranger, not…)

So, it was decided, he would sell the furniture! And just like that he went to work and researched the original prices of all the furniture, made pictures of them and put them on eBay at a lower price.

Now he just had to wait.

Izuku really hoped that this worked, otherwise he would be completely and truly out of options.