Work Text:
“Woah.” The sound slips out of Hyunjin, watching Felix and Jeongin shoot a scene for their upcoming music video. Felix cracks up at the sound, lowering the bow he has aimed at his own chest.
“Hyung.” Jeongin complains softly as the music stops, dropping the arm that holds the arrow. Felix shoots Hyunjin an annoyed look before straightening his face, suppressing the laughter.
“Sorry,” Felix rolls his shoulders back and lifts the bow again. Jeongin replaces the arrow, stringing it tight enough to look dangerous, but not enough to do any damage if his hand slips. They are counted down, the music starts again, and Felix pointedly ignores Hyunjin so he can focus on getting the shot right.
He still catches a glimpse of Hyunjin’s awed face, and a smile sneaks onto his face. “Damnit, Hyun.” Felix mutters, lowering his head with a small laugh. “You’re gonna have to leave if you keep doing that.” Hyunjin’s eyes are wide in wonder, as if he didn’t just wave a fake gun around for his own shot.
“Do what? I’m just watching.” Hyunjin says defensively, but he’s smiling. You’d think that Felix would be used to being watched after years of doing this, but he still feels awkward and starts laughing, especially in front of Hyunjin.
“Yeah, watching with a look on your face.” Felix says and tries to mimic it. Hyunjin’s hand comes up to his own face as if to check if he’s really doing that.
“My face isn’t doing anything.” Hyunjin decides. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s the way his makeup enhances his lips, or how his blonde hair falls in soft waves around his face like a halo. Either way, it’s distracting, and Felix isn’t supposed to blush in this shot.
“Your face is stupid.” Felix retorts, like a middle-schooler. Hyunjin pushes off the floor with an exaggerated sigh.
“Fine,” He drags the word out, heading out of the room. Felix catches a small wink just before he disappears out of sight.
“Okay, let’s do this.” Felix focuses back on the shoot. They get back into position, the arrow pointed to the middle of his chest. The tip is only an inch or two from his skin, but he still feels nervous having a real weapon pointed at himself.
The shoot continues, and Felix manages to keep a straight face now that none of the members are watching. It’s different with the producers, they’re only looking for professional reasons.
Felix holds eye contact with Jeongin, pretending that he’s the only other person in the room. He gets a little carried away in the performance, taking a few steps back without realizing it. The bow strings tighter, and now there’s a few inches between the arrow and his chest. The shot is reset, but Felix doesn’t move back into position. Instead, he does the same thing for the next take, stepping further back.
He doesn’t even realize how far the arrow is from his chest, and it seems like Jeongin doesn’t either. All they’re focusing on is their facial expressions, body language, getting the words right.
It is only when Jeongin’s fingers slip that Felix realizes how tightly the bow was strung. He sees the instinctual panic on Jeongin’s face as a sharp pain hits the middle of his chest. He curls around it with a surprised shriek, breathing heavily as the pain spreads into his neck and shoulders. Through blurry eyes, he sees something sticking out of his chest, and way too slowly, his brain connects the dots.
The moment he realizes that the arrow is embedded in his body, he feels like his legs will collapse under him. His vision whites out, and he grits his teeth against the pain. It’s as if his mind can’t fathom what just happened, but it can fathom how bad Jeongin will feel, and in an attempt to soften the guilt, he tries not to show how freaked out he is.
He needs the arrow gone, and he needs this not to have happened. His hand wraps around the arrow without looking, barely hearing Jeongin’s “No!” before pulling it out. Immediately, the pain multiplies. It burns, stings, shoots like lightning into his entire body. He sees the shiny tip of the arrow, realizing that just over an inch of it is covered in his blood, and his legs finally give out.
“Hyung!” Jeongin cries, catching Felix before he hits the floor. Felix tries to say that he’s okay, just dizzy, the arrow can’t have done that much damage, but the only sound that comes out is a sharp yelp as the movement tugs on the wound.
He is lowered onto his back, and the position only makes him more aware of his fast his blood is pumping. He feels it rushing through his chest, into his head and trickling out of his body. His shirt feels wet around the wound, but not enough to worry him.
Footsteps pound against the floor, growing louder the closer they come. A stranger leans into his field of vision, and there’s a sudden pressure against the wound that makes him cry out. Once again, he tries to say that he’s fine, that he’s just in shock, he’s just being dramatic, but he can’t figure out how to make his voice work.
He thinks he passes out, or maybe his memory just lapses. The next think he’s aware of is voices all around him. Some familiar, some he’s unable to place. He opens his eyes, seeing a man taking to Chan by the door of the small room.
Chan glances toward Felix, and rushes over when he sees that his eyes are open. Felix tries to sit up, but a hand pushes him back down. He lifts an arm in Chan’s general direction, and Chan understands exactly what he’s asking for, grasping his hand.
“Just stay there a little longer.” Chan says gently. Felix closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, grimacing at the pain rippling through his chest. “You’re okay, don’t worry, you just passed out from the shock.”
Felix’s hand automatically comes up to his chest, surprised to find it bare except for a bandage. Lifting his head, he realizes that the shirt has been cut off of him. The blood-stained white fabric pools at his sides, pulled away from his chest.
“Good thing we had a medic on site. He gave you a couple stitches and stopped the bleeding. It might leave a scar, but you’ll be okay.” Chan explains.
“I know,” Felix’s voice finally works again, although it comes out hoarse. “I’m okay.” He still feels light-headed and weak, but it must just be the shock still wearing off. “Wasn’t his fault.” He remembers Jeongin, wonders how bad he feels.
“What?” Chan doesn’t catch on right away. If Felix knows him as well as he thinks he does, he just about had a stroke when he heard that one of the Kids got shot. With all the weapons of this set, who knew that the bow and arrow would be the dangerous one? The thought makes Felix laugh, but he abruptly stops when it sends jolts of pain through his chest.
“It was my fault.” Felix says. He rolls onto his side, gritting his teeth not to gasp or groan out lout. “He shouldn’t blame himself.” He feels worse for Jeongin than himself, almost strangled by the guilt the younger must be feeling.
“No, he shouldn’t,” Chan agrees, “But neither should you. It was an accident.” Felix just nods, too tired to argue. He feels stupid. The shoot was safe, the arrow so loose in the bow that it would barely move before falling to the floor if Jeongin lost his grip. Felix was the one who stepped back and put more distance between himself and the arrow tip, and so much more pressure on the string. He didn’t realize he moved back enough to actually get shot, but he was the one who moved, not Jeongin.
“I can keep going.” Felix continues. They weren’t even halfway through the shoot when this happened. His chest hurts, but he’s worked through worse pain. He’s sure the strange weakness will ease as soon as he’s on his feet and moving again.
“You really don’t have to.” Chan says it in a way that Felix has learned to recognize as ‘absolutely not’. But he decides not to listen. He’s fine.
“I’m okay, really.” Felix says, “Help me up?” He fears how it would feel to strain his chest to sit up. Chan grabs both his hands and pulls him up in one swift motion. Felix clenches his teeth against the burn in his chest and dizzy spell that hits him, leaning sideways into the wall as soon as he’s upright.
“You’re not fine.” Chan says bluntly.
Felix waves him off, “Just got dizzy, that’s all.” He looks down at his torn clothes. Thankfully the expensive leather jacket is still whole. It’s just the overpriced t-shirt that got cut and smeared in blood.
Chan helps him slide off the jacket before getting rid of the scraps of fabric. Felix feels slightly nauseous when he sees the blood. It looks like a lot, and he can only imagine Jeongin’s horror as he watched it seep into the fabric before Felix fainted.
“Wait here,” Chan instructs, and Felix gratefully takes the moment alone to close his eyes and breathe, turning his attention inwards. His chest feels tight, and his body is weak, especially on the left side. The nausea doesn’t seem to fade with the blood out of sight. It washes over him every time he thinks about the arrow sticking out of his chest.
“Here,” Chan is back with a fresh white shirt. Felix takes it gratefully only to realize he can’t raise his arms enough to put it on. It feels like his muscles have been disconnected, refusing to listen to his commands. “Here,” Chan repeats, taking the shirt from him and carefully putting it on like Felix is a toddler.
Felix’s legs feel numb when he stands up, and he is hit by another wave of dizziness. This time he hides it better. Either Chan doesn’t notice, or he knows that commenting on it is pointless. Exiting the room, Felix is met by a frantic Hyunjin jumping to his feet and pulling him into a hug. Felix hisses, and Hyunjin lets go of him.
“Sorry, sorry, I’m just so relieved you’re okay.” Hyunjin looks truly terrified. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks, looking Felix up and down. His eyes linger right where the bandage rests under Felix’s shirt.
“Hey, I’m not in the hospital, how bad can it be?” Felix tries to shrug, but his shoulders won’t move. Hyunjin wraps him in another hug, being a lot more careful this time.
“Should you be?” Hyunjin asks.
“I trust the medic.” Felix says. If he wasn’t rushed to the hospital, he must not have needed it. It looked dramatic, but it was no worse than cutting his hand and needing stitches.
“But he’s not a doctor.” Hyunjin protests. He still looks frantic when their eyes meet again. This must be exactly why Chan kept him out of the room while Felix woke up.
“They are medically trained, Hyun. This is exactly the kind of thing they’re used to seeing.” Chan joins the conversation. Hyunjin still looks hesitant, but doesn’t say anything else.
Felix sees movement out of the corner of his eye and his heart sinks when he sees Jeongin in Jisung’s arms, his eyes bloodshot from crying.
“Innah,” Felix coos, transferring him into his own arms. He forces them to lift high enough to wrap around Jeongin’s chest, but they feel weighed down by lead.
“I’m so sorry, hyung.” Jeongin sounds on the verge of another round of tears. Felix pulls back with a smile, hoping he looks better than he feels. He imagines he looks white as a ghost, almost translucent with the lack of blood that reaches his head.
“It was a stupid accident; I don’t blame you. And I’m fine, it looked way worse than it was.” Felix isn’t sure if that’s true, Chan’s look certainly says it isn’t, but it could have been worse. He isn’t in the hospital, it wasn’t an emergency, and he only needed a couple of stitches.
“I shot you.” Jeongin says it as if Felix doesn’t already know, like maybe having it repeated once more will make him realize, but Felix just shrugs weakly – succeeding this time.
“And how many people can say their scar is from being shot by an arrow? This will be a great story.” Felix truly means that. It won’t be long before they laugh at this story late at night when they have been awake for too long to think straight.
The shoot resumes, but not as if nothing happened. They all treat Felix like he’s fragile, avoiding touching him and apologizing if they do. Honestly, Felix is glad they’re staying away. His chest pain has increased over the last hour, and he’s not sure he can prevent himself from crying out the next time someone bumps into him.
Luckily, the next scene is stationary. They all sit around a long table, Changbin and Seungmin on either side of Felix. He tries not to look to closely at all the food on the table, fearing that it will make his nausea worse. It makes it easy to look like he’s suspicious of the food though, because he really feels like it could hurt him.
Hyunjin locks eyes with Felix across the table, a small sympathetic smile tugging at his lips. He tilts his head slightly, as if to ask if he’s okay. Felix nods at him, I’m okay, and Hyunjin’s eyes only linger on him for another moment.
How Hyunjin can’t feel Felix’s pain, he doesn’t know. It is getting close to impossible to hide with how tempted he is to curl protectively around his chest. By now that the shock has calmed, and the adrenaline worn off, and the pain is overwhelming. It has gone over to a steady throbbing and pressure in his entire chest, intense enough that he barely feels the burn of the actual wound anymore.
And then the dreaded shot comes up. The one where he has to pretend to eat a grape. He doesn’t even have to chew it, just pop it in his mouth, but he still feels nausea wash over him.
However, he’s a professional, so he wipes all traces of discomfort off his face and does what he has to. Picking the dark purple grape from a bowl, he looks at it suspiciously, glances around the table and pops it into his mouth. The moment someone yells cut, he spits it out, grimacing.
“Are you okay?” Changbin asks quietly. Felix nods with a tight smile. Taking would send vibrations through his chest, and he doesn’t want to find out how much that would hurt. “You look scarily pale.” And Felix fails at another shrug, turning back to the camera because he has to do another take.
Four times he puts that grape in his mouth, and four times he spits it out like it is actually poisoned. When the director is finally satisfied, Felix tries to push away the bowl, needing them as far away from his face as possible. The bowl feels heavier than he remembers, almost as if it has silicone on the bottom that resists the movement, but when he switches to his right arm, it’s a little easier to move.
Sweat is beading on his face, clinging to his temples, and his arms are too weak to dab it away. Is the room hot? Or is it cold sweat? Is that why he’s shivering? He’s starting to realize that he’s really not okay. He thought he was, but the way his body is declining scares him.
There’s suddenly movement around him, and he realizes that the members are getting up, moving on to the next set. Felix pushes his chair back, struggling to get it far enough to slip out. As soon as he’s on his feet, he stumbles, sure that he’s about to pass out. Hands grab his arms, steadying him until he’s stable on his feet again.
“Thanks,” Felix says, meeting Seungmin’s worried eyes. He adds a smile in hopes that it’s convincing, but he doubts that it is. He hasn’t seen his reflection, but he can’t look good. He feels like death, and at least some of it must be visible.
Felix’s legs work against him when he tries to follow with the group. They’re hard to move, numb and heavy, and he soon lags behind. Some part of him knows that something is very wrong, but his voice has stopped working again. He feels so similar to right after he was shot, only now the pain is blinding, and his body feels like it’s shutting down.
Splitting from the group, Felix walks around the next corner, just needing somewhere to sit before he collapses and hurts himself further. The pain in his chest grows with every step until he’s panting, face screwed up in a grimace.
Realizing he can’t get any farther, he slumps against the wall, crying out weakly at the way the movement pulls at his chest. How can he decline like this? The bleeding was stopped, the wound closed. He should be fine.
Looking down, he sees that the wound has started bleeding again, dark red being absorbed by his shirt at an alarming rate. That can’t be good. The warmth of it runs hotly down his skin, pulsing out with every heartbeat. His vision goes blurry, taking his ability to think with it.
He tries to remember if there are any arteries in that part of his chest, but he loses his train of thought before he can figure it out. He’s trembling, gasping for breath, desperately curling around the pain. White spots appear in his vision, rapidly covering the dark shadows of the room.
They say your life flashes before your eyes. Like a collection of all the most important moments in your life.
Felix can’t see anything.
A numbing, tingling sensation spreads from his fingers and toes, up his limbs and into his chest. Thoughts are no longer formed in his brain, his body gone completely numb.
All he can hear is choking breaths and voices and distant footsteps as everything fades to nothing.
---
Hyunjin looks around, searching for Felix’s eyes. The group is in chaos, as they often are between moments of having to be serious. Felix should be with them, but Hyunjin can’t find him.
A sick feeling spreads through his gut, telling him that something is wrong. How else is he supposed to react when he has watched Felix feel worse and worse over the last two hours? He knew he should’ve insisted that Felix was taken to the hospital.
His eomma always tells him to follow his gut feeling, and right now his gut is telling him to find Felix. Fast.
There’s an invisible thread pulling him through the studio, back to the set they came from. He scans the room, worry only increasing when he finds it empty. No sign of Felix anywhere. His heart starts racing, mind going a thousand miles a minute. Where is he?
He takes a few more steps into the room, then hears a choked off moan coming from behind him. Hyunjin rushes out of the door, looking in both directions when he spots Felix. He’s slumped against the wall, arms laying by his sides, head lolled to the sides.
Hyunjin runs over to him, footsteps echoing in his head, or maybe that’s his heartbeat. “Felix?” Hyunjin collapses to the floor in front of him. “Hey, stay with me,” He slaps Felix’s cheek lightly, earning no response. “Felix!” He says louder. Still nothing.
He practically rips Felix’s jacket away from his chest, revealing how bloodied his shirt is. “No. Nonononono.” He can’t think. “Felix, Felix!” Hyunjin repeats his name, desperate for a response.
Felix’s chest moves in shallow breaths under Hyunjin’s hands, a low wheezing sounding at every breath, too much silence in between. The reality of the situation settles over him. Felix’s injury was far worse than anyone thought, he’s dying.
“Help!” Hyunjin cries desperately. “Somebody help!” His throat hurts from how loud he’s screaming. “Anyone! Help me!” He’s dying, he’s dying, he’s dying. “Chan! Felix! Help us!” He needs someone, anyone. Finally, Hyunjin can see someone running towards them. He keeps his eyes on Felix’s face the whole time, seeing him turn even paler, almost blue.
“Hyunjin? What’s goi- oh god.” It’s Chan’s voice, his words are like a punch in the face. It’s a confirmation that this isn’t just a horrible nightmare, it’s not all in Hyunjin’s head, it’s really, actually happening.
“Help! Help him!” Hyunjin is shaking with sobs, fear like no other crushing him, threatening to break him under its weight.
“Felix, you listen to me, stay. Please don’t leave me.” Hyunjin sobs. He listens to Chan talk to the emergency services, words tumbling out of him faster than Hyunjin has ever heard. He doesn’t grasp any of the words, but he can tell that Chan is giving them all the details they need to understand how dire the situation is.
Holding his hand under Felix’s nose, Hyunjin feels for breathing. There’s a faint tickling against his skin as Felix’s lungs empty, but he knows that time is running out. “Nonono, Felix, stay with me, hey, you’re okay.” He takes hold of Felix’s shoulders, shaking his limp body.
“Don’t leave me, Lix. You can’t leave me, not now. Please don’t leave me. I love you, you hear me? Don’t leave.” Hyunjin pulls Felix close, his limp body heavy against his chest. “Please.” He whispers desperately into his hair. He doesn’t smell like Felix anymore. There’s too much blood clogging up the air around them. “I can’t do this without you.”
The next moment the area swarms with people. Felix is ripped away from him, Hyunjin crying for them to help him, please just help Felix.
Chest wound… Internal bleeding… Emergency…
It’s all a blur of meaningless words. Felix is dying, that is the only thing that matters.
Heartbeat detected… 37 bmp… Oxygen levels dropping…
And then they’re gone. Felix is wheeled away on a stretcher by people dressed in red uniforms.
They leave a gaping hole where Felix had been. The weight of it swallows Hyunjin whole. He hugs himself tightly, curling up around the empty space his heart left in his chest. Sobbing and begging Felix to stay, to please not leave him, he stays on the floor as he hears the sirens of the ambulance fade away.
---
Beep
Beep
Beep
There’s a loud beeping forcing its way into his dreams.
Loud and annoying, like someone forgot to turn their alarm clock off. He tries to say Hyunjin’s name, wanting him to make it stop, but finds himself incapable of forming the words.
It feels like he’s under water. All the noise around him is faded and echoey. The insistent beeping, shuffling, and mumbled voices around him are all blurred, sounding far away.
Something pulls him back down into the dark depths of the water. He lets himself be pulled down, too tired to fight.
Someone else will turn off the annoying alarm.
---
Felix can feel himself slowly move closer to the surface, like the weight pulling him into the dark has finally let go and he’s floating up to meet the warm air above the surface. The beeping hurts his head, the sharp sound like a needle poking his brain.
He doesn’t feel as heavy, his head feels clearer, and he can feel his limbs. There’s a warm weight on his hand, the rest of him is freezing. He wants to pull the blanket up to his chin, but his arms won’t lift off the bed.
“Felix?” The voice sound like it’s coming from the other side of a wall, easy to miss if he doesn’t strain his ears. “Are you with me?” His heart knows it’s Hyunjin, even when he can’t hear any more than a weak murmur. “Can you squeeze my hand?”
Felix assumes Hyunjin’s hand is what’s warming up his own. It’s hard to tell when his skin doesn’t feel like his own. Gathering up all the strength he can muster, he manages a weak twitch in his wrist. So slight he wonders if Hyunjin even noticed.
“Good.” Hyunjin sounds relieved. Felix doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about. He’s just sleeping, right?
This must all be some bizarre dream. He’ll wake up in his bed, cuddle with Hyunjin and laugh at how weird his dreams are sometimes.
Hyunjin’s voice exchanges a few words with a voice Felix doesn’t recognize. The thought of someone he doesn’t know watching him sleep should make him uncomfortable, but he doesn’t have the energy to care.
“It’s okay, you can go back to sleep.”
Felix isn’t sure he ever was awake in the first place.
---
Felix goes in and out of consciousness for a while. Like a water bottle bobbing up and down in the water as waves wash over it. He’s never fully aware, but Hyunjin always talks to him. Sometimes he’s joined by other familiar voices, the members, his friends.
“Hey, Lix.” Hyunjin’s voice is soft but raspy when Felix’s eyes finally flutter open. The lights are blinding for a moment while he adjusts to it. There’s a dull ache in his chest, pulling his attention away from Hyunjin’s face. “Are you in any pain?” Felix winches in response as the dull ache grows. Hyunjin presses a button by Felix’s bed and a nurse comes rushing in.
“Oh.” She looks surprised when she sees him. “It’s good to see you awake. You gave us all a scare Mr. Lee.” A warm smile spreads on her face.
“I think he’s in pain.” Hyunjin explains, brows furrowed as he twists his hands in his lap. She fiddles with the wires and machines Felix is hooked up to, clearly doing something right as the pain fades back into a dull ache. He sighs, sinking into the bed, so tempted to go back to sleep.
“Is that better?” She asks kindly. Felix manages a weak smile. Hyunjin thanks her and she leaves the room. A silence settles over them. The kind that is uncomfortable, but everyone hesitates to break it.
“You really did scare him.” Chan says from the other side of Felix’s bed. He hadn’t even noticed his presence until this moment.
“He cried like a baby.” Minho says from beside Chan, pretending to whisper so Hyunjin won’t hear. It makes Felix laugh, quickly turning into dry couching when his throat feels like sandpaper. Hyunjin has a cup of water at his lips in a flash.
“Slow sips.” Felix obeys, taking a small sip of cold water, just holding it in his mouth for a while before swallowing and taking another sip. When his throat feels a little less like sandpaper Hyunjin puts the cup down on his bedside table.
Felix looks around the room, trying to orient himself. The white walls and antiseptic smell screams hospital. There are at least five wires connected to him, hooking him up to a number of machines. He locates the beeping as the heart monitor. It beeps every time he feels his heart beating in his chest. He can’t tell what any of the other machines do, not sure he wants to know either.
“Can we have a moment?” Hyunjin asks, looking at their friends. Chan and Minho get up and leave the room without a word. “I thought I lost you.” Hyunjin lifts Felix’s hand to his face, kissing it softly. When he looks back at Felix, his eyes are glassy.
“Wha’ app’ned?” Felix asks, voice weak from the lack of use. “Af’r…” He slurs. After he was shot in the chest, after he was supposed to be okay, after he felt his body failing, and it was already too late to tell anyone.
“You had internal bleeding from the arrow.” Hyunjin’s voice is thick, eyes anywhere but on Felix. The memory is still too fresh. It will always be too fresh. “It must’ve nicked a vein, and you were slowly bleeding out into your chest cavity.”
“Think I would’ve remembered that.” Felix tries to joke. He certainly felt bad enough to believe that it’s true. Perhaps the pain and pressure wasn’t just from the arrow wound, but from his chest filling with blood.
“You didn’t tell anyone. Just left the group and sat down, letting yourself bleed out.” Hyunjin’s eyes fill with tears, voice choking up, barely getting the last words out. “I thought you were fine. You said you were fine.” Felix has a feeling this isn’t the first time Hyunjin has said those words since Felix has been out.
“I did?” Felix doesn’t remember having that conversation. But there’s a lot he doesn’t remember.
“You nodded at me from across the table.” Hyunjin chuckles at himself. Felix doesn’t comment on the vague explanation. He knows what Hyunjin is saying. They always just know whether the other is okay. And Hyunjin couldn’t tell how much danger Felix was in.
“’M sorry.” Felix isn’t entirely sure what he’s apologizing for. For not telling anyone, or for pretending that he was fine, or for not suddenly developing telepathic abilities? All of the above.
“They took you to emergency surgery, you almost died on the table. You lost too much blood, even with the blood transfusions. We thought we would lose you.” Tears are trickling down Hyunjin’s cheeks. “I was just praying for whoever is out there to let me go with you.”
Felix’s own eyes tear up as he hears Hyunjin talk. He can’t even be mad at Hyunjin’s willingness to die with him. He wouldn’t have wanted to live alone either, he couldn’t have. Neither one of them would be okay without the other. It would be like losing the sun. Everything would wither and die. He feels horrible for almost putting Hyunjin through that, for almost putting all of them through that.
“I’m here.” Felix says through his tears. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t promise that.” Hyunjin says with a sad sigh. He sits up straighter, as if preparing himself for something, taking a deep breath and holding it before slowly letting it back out. “I don’t want to hide anymore. Almost losing you, that’s it for me. I’d rather be hated for being myself.”
“You say that now, but-” Felix’s face scrounges up in confusion. He hears what Hyunjin is saying, but it doesn’t make sense. Hyunjin has worked so hard for the success they have, that they all have. And now he wants to risk it all?
“No. No buts, I’m done lying about who I am.” Hyunjin says it with so much confidence that Felix almost believes him. He is half aware that this is just emotional talk, a reaction to what he’s going through. But a part of Felix wonders what would happen if they really stopped hiding. It could be an open secret, like Minho and Jisung.
“’M too tired for this.” Felix’s head is spinning, and sleep is pulling at him again.
“Of course. We’ll talk more later, but I won’t change my mind.” There’s a whole new life in Hyunjin’s eyes as they stare at each other. One where they prioritize themselves and their own happiness, other people’s opinions be damned.
“You stubborn idiot.” Felix says with a fond smile when Hyunjin doesn’t relent.
“Your stubborn idiot.” Hyunjin says with a mischievous smile, knowing how much Felix hates the cheesy lines.
“Kill me now.” Felix doesn’t realize how badly timed the joke is until it’s out of his mouth. Scared of how Hyunjin will react, he stays quiet. To his surprise, Hyunjin laughs, and he can’t stop. Felix chuckles, holding back his laughter in favour of his wound as he watches Hyunjin bend over the bed, clutching his stomach and laughing. The laugh is about so much more than finding something funny. It’s realizing that Felix is okay, that he doesn’t have to be scared anymore, that he can finally relax.
“This is why I love you.” Hyunjin manages to get out, wiping at his eyes. “Thank you for that.”
“Wasn’t on purpose.” Felix would love to take credit, but there’s no filter between his brain and mouth right now, and he can’t lie. Hyunjin sighs, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. The tension on his face is gone when their eyes meet again.
Felix smiles lazily at him, barely able to keep his eyes open any longer. The weight is back, pulling him under water, but this time he knows that he’s safe. He feels soft lips press against his forehead, cheek, lips.
“Go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”