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When Gyuvin wakes up, it tends to smell like this—soft citrus, notes of fresh grass, clean laundry, and faintly like the salt of the sea. As she noses closer, to the epicentre of the scent, there is a fruit that tickles at the tip of her nose. She can taste it at the back of her throat, too—fragrant and a sweet-sour that has her humming even in her dazed stupor. She wakes slowly, warm hands travelling down warmer sheets, sinking between the layers of linen, fingers dancing across the soft plushness of skin, on a stomach that rises and falls with every breath. Gyuvin touches, caresses, and warms her hands even more until there is no perceived difference in temperature, before something stops her. Or rather, someone, as their hand curls around Gyuvin's wrist before it slips upwards any further.
"Qubing," a voice rasps. Gyuvin can't help but laugh, a soft thing because she knows how her best friend feels about loud noises in the early morning. Though Gyuvin's hand doesn't push anymore upwards, it doesn't shift back down, either.
"Good morning to you too, sleepyhead," Gyuvin mutters, and pulls back enough to look at Ricky. With her raven black hair a mess and eyes still closed, the sharp angles of her face become so much softer when sleepiness is still so evident. Ricky's pink and plump lips are pursed into a thin line as her neatly-trimmed and beautifully shaped brows furrow together to indicate just how she feels about being roused awake. When Gyuvin looks at Ricky like this, she feels as if she's peering down onto a disgruntled kitty cat that Gyuvin dared to disturb.
Yet, this sight doesn't grow old for her.
"It's too early," Ricky whispers. There's a slight whine that drags out the last syllable that leaves her lips, "I don't have anything planned for today for you to wake me up like this."
Gyuvin knows that, too.
"I thought you'd like to have breakfast with me before I go to work," Gyuvin whispers, leaning down once more. Her nose nuzzles into Ricky's neck, her long chestnut brown hair spilling and spreading with the motion that she's almost certain parts of her hair spills onto Ricky's face. If she isn't fully certain, then Ricky makes sure she knows, with a faint grumble and a disgruntled hand that drags—though that is too rough a word—the stray bits of Gyuvin's hair down. Ricky always tries to help Gyuvin tame her 'morning mane' down, but really. Not everyone is as blessed as Ricky is, considering she goes to sleep pretty and wakes up the next day beautiful.
"Your breakfast offer better be amazing. Or, there will be consequences."
Gyuvin laughs into soft skin, and nods her head gently.
"New dim sum place just opened ten minutes away from the studio, Lovelicky. Will I be prosecuted?"
Gyuvin feels the gentle shove of Ricky's hand on her shoulder. There's not much resistance on Gyuvin's end as she pushes herself up quickly, smiling.
"You will be if you don't let me go get ready now," Ricky replies, a singular brow arching as she stares at Gyuvin.
Gyuvin's arms raise in surrender as she moves to the side, allowing Ricky to finally sit up and push herself off of the bed.
Gyuvin also ignores the way her body burns with Ricky's warmth even moments after they part.
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Breakfast is warm. It smells like freshly steamed dumplings, sweet and savoury buns, and fried snacks. Even if it's only nine in the morning when they arrive at the dim sum place, the place is bustling with people. Mostly families, gathered around round tables as they ordered baskets upon baskets of food. Gyuvin hears the chatter of young children as they run around the establishment, hugging their plush toys, and their parents that chide them and press their heads into a gentle bow whenever they run a little too close to Gyuvin's and Ricky's table. Gyuvin doesn't mind, and even though Ricky's face sometimes scrunches up in what seems like disgust, Gyuvin knows her best friend enough that she is aware it is not disgust, but rather, just surprise at the suddenness and unpredictability children bring alongside their cherub cheeks and jovial laughter.
A self-fulfilling prophecy happens like this: One of the children in the diner approaches their table carefully when Ricky is popping a siew mai into her mouth. She's quieter than the rowdy ones that almost knock onto their table or jostle against empty wooden chairs in dissonant squeaks. Gyuvin watches as Ricky slowly stops chewing, the presence of the child now felt by her. She stares, with a gaze so sharp that Gyuvin has to gently knock their knees together in a faint warning lest the child cowers away in fear. It works. Gyuvin witnesses, firsthand, how her best friend's eyes soften around the edges and looks at the child, strawberry pink lips smeared with both gloss and the oils from the food they've eaten so evident upon plump lips. Even then, Gyuvin's heart only seizes even more.
"Hello, meimei. What's wrong?" Ricky asks, voice soft like the desserts she enjoys eating so much. Gyuvin wonders if it's because of all the strawberry shortcakes they share with one another in the comfort of their shared apartment. Ricky always eats a fraction more than Gyuvin does, so perhaps it's why she speaks and interacts so sweetly—as long as someone approaches her gently. The way she has to be treated, too—preciously, because she is just so dear. Gyuvin is sure everyone around Ricky feels the same as she does.
The child's cheeks seem to only grow redder. They're plump, reminiscent of the baos they've eaten. Soft and fluffy, yet oddly firm in their determination. Gyuvin witnesses as the child steels herself and takes one last glance at a table diagonal from them—Gyuvin's gaze follows and sees a mother's hand gesturing and encouraging the child to take the leap—before she turns right back around, eyes filled with starry-eyed wonder the way only a child can be.
"Jiejie, how are you so pretty?"
Although it is directed at Ricky, Gyuvin cannot help but laugh faintly. A simple glance towards her best friend is all it takes—she sees pale cheeks flush with colour, leaving her with a flush far prettier than what makeup can give (though minimal this morning), and the way the tips of Ricky's ears tinge with colour. Gyuvin's toothy grin pulls at her cheeks and causes them to ache, but all she does is lean closer to the child standing between them, and whispers.
"It's because that jiejie is a really nice person. She listened so well to her parents that she became so pretty."
The child looks at Gyuvin as her cherry lips part in a soft gasp, almost as if she's reached a humongous revelation. Gyuvin hopes she did.
"I see! Okay, jiejie! I will listen to you and listen to my parents well! So I can be pretty like the two jiejie here! Thank you, jiejie!" She exclaims. Gyuvin's smile only grows wider. Oh, so she's pretty too, in the child's eyes? She's flattered. Ricky clears her throat and shifts her gaze away from the child, clearly embarrassed. The child waves goodbye to the both of them and returns to the table she's come from. Surely, she's recounting the story of their meeting to her mother, now, judging from how the two of them sneak glances towards their table. Gyuvin smiles, waves for the last time, and turns her attention back to Ricky.
"You lied to her. I only look pretty because I take care of my skin well. And, I have to thank my parents' genes, too," Ricky immediately replies, nose scrunched and lips pursed together into a thin line. "There's no such thing as getting prettier just because I listened well to my parents. Or because I was a nice person."
Gyuvin disagrees entirely. Ricky is beautiful to her, because she's always been such a nice person. Caring and kind to a fault, even if her outward personality says otherwise. She's soft-spoken at times and doesn't smile with her teeth much, but she laughs boisterously at times, and her eyes crinkle and sparkle so much when she smiles wide. Ricky doesn't like being approached suddenly, but treats anyone who does gently—even to those that don't quite deserve her kindness. Ricky is perfect within the warm brown of Gyuvin's eyes.
But Gyuvin can't say that. So, she lies again.
"You have to lie to children, Ricky," she replies, lips puckered into a soft pout. She's trying her kicked puppy expression again. The one that he knows Ricky is at least somewhat weak to. "Otherwise, we're putting her mother in a tough spot. What if we tell her that and the child wants all your skincare and makeup products, hm? It's better to help her mother ensure she stays a nice kid that listens to her parents, no?"
There's a small pause between their conversation. Gyuvin swears she can hear Ricky think out loud, the cogs in her brain spinning as she tries to make sense of Gyuvin's words, or find ways to counter it. But Gyuvin knows she wins this time around, because Ricky is too nice for her own good—even if she claims that she is far from 'nice'.
"Fine, you win."
"I know, Lovelicky. I know."
That earns Gyuvin a small kick to her shin. She only laughs and urges them both to return to the food by placing a singular piece of har gow on Ricky's plate. Ricky's favourite. Gyuvin remembers even that, because how can she not when Ricky is her best friend?
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"Seems like someone's managed to accomplish the impossible," Gyuvin hears. "Tell me, how did you get Ricky out of bed so early in the morning?"
Gyuvin lifts her head up, though her hands remain busy as they continue placing down the tubes of paint right above a blank canvas atop a table. Gyuvin's nose wrinkles when her eyes catch sight of someone.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Hao jie," Gyuvin mumbles back in return. She turns her attention back to the table, head repeating the colours that she has to place down with each empty canvas. Cadmium Red. Cadmium Yellow. Ultramarine Blue. Titanium White. Mars Black. It takes too much attention to detail from Gyuvin to ensure she doesn't mess it up. The kids are relentless when there's even just one colour missing, and if able, she'd like to ignore Hao as much as possible too. She loves the elder woman—of course she does, but she is too perceptive for her own good. Gyuvin always feels as if Hao can look right into her if their eyes meet for too long. Today, as always, Hao is working her superpower again.
"Sure thing. And you totally know your feelings for Ricky," Hao grumbles.
Hao… she doesn't know what she's talking about. Gyuvin shakes her head and ignores her.
It's always been like this—even back in university.
Gyuvin came to China with nothing but dreams and her backpack full of art supplies, enrolling into a prestigious art school and studying Fine Arts. When she first arrived, she knew not a single lick of Chinese, and resolved to loneliness that she believed could be filled with the canvases that she painted her worlds into.
The first time she felt any semblance of belonging happened when she overheard a conversation just a distance away. Not Chinese, but in her native tongue—Korean spilled from between the disgruntled female's lips, panic evident in the tremors of her voice that Gyuvin could not help but not ignore. It's a crisis that was easily solved after Gyuvin had offered her aid. Gyuvin's assistance warmed the other Korean's heart so much that she ended up 'adopting' Gyuvin under her own wing.
"I'm Hanbin, but you can call me comfortably, Gyuvin-ah! I'll introduce you to all my friends when I get the time to. Oh, and my girlfriend!"
That was how Gyuvin eventually met Hao. Hanbin's girlfriend, a year older than Hanbin, four years older than Gyuvin. She's cool to the point of intimidating at first glance, but she had a friend with her, too. Another girl, with long blonde locks that fell past the middle of her back in effortless curls. She's dressed from tip to toe in obsidian black, gold jewellery standing out against the dark, blank canvas. Gyuvin could not help the gasp that fell past her lips, and even more so, when that same female—just as intimidating as Hao, more beautiful than anyone Gyuvin's ever seen—smiled faintly and tipped her head in a brief bow as a greeting.
Gyuvin's immediately starstruck. But beyond that, she felt her heart seize for the first time. Underneath all those layers of intimidation, she felt as if there had been nothing but a gentle soul. Gyuvin could not help but want to grow closer to the other female. Ricky. Even her name had been cool. Edgy, even. Gyuvin somehow found herself drawn towards it even more.
"Sorry, girls. Ricky's a little scary, I know. Give her some time, you'll warm up to her. Am I right, Ricky?"
Hao could not be more wrong. Ricky was not scary, and Gyuvin had already burned for her.
It's the same now, too. Years later, and Hao's wrong again. The sarcasm that drips from Hao's words is glaringly obvious, even to people slow on the uptake. Gyuvin, however, is perceptive to a fault and knows what Hao is hinting at. That she is horribly and irrevocably in love with Ricky, for starters. That she refuses to acknowledge her feelings, second of all. But that was wrong, because see, Gyuvin knows.
Gyuvin knows she's in love with her best friend. It's not difficult to tell, when she sees her, burnt behind her eyelids in a painting Gyuvin's sure she cannot translate onto canvas. Gyuvin likes to think she knows a lot, until she doesn't.
It's really a pity she doesn't know this one thing—
Gyuvin doesn't know if Ricky feels the same.
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Gyuvin doesn't feel sick often.
Discomfort doesn't come to her easily when she is so well acquainted with happiness. There is always a silver lining even in the greyest of clouds. When she gets beaten down, Gyuvin is confident that she can bounce right back. But for some reason, that all seems to fail today.
The skies are dark.
There's a thunderstorm in the forecast, and the rain that showers down relentlessly declares that the forecast is accurate for today. Although Gyuvin has no plans on actually leaving the apartment today, she gets dressed—a thin sweater and a pair of shorts is what she tugs onto her lanky body—and still heads out either way. The slippers she wears are made of rigid rubber, but it's the most effective to deter the gross feeling of wet canvas heavy on her feet if she wore sneakers instead. Gyuvin steps out of the apartment, two umbrellas clutched close to her chest, and rushes out because she knows Ricky doesn't have one with her today.
The rain is raging—torrential and relentless, beating down on the umbrella she's opened as soon as she leaves the building's shelter. Gyuvin can feel her feet getting wet when the fat water droplets come into contact with the asphalt floor and splash upwards. All that is secondary when her focus is getting the umbrella to Ricky—she paces down the long path down, passing by people in a flurry as she tries not to knock onto the umbrellas they're all holding with her own. Apologies spill from her lips when a certain footstep of hers lands too harshly right beside a poor passer-by, but they're all done with a quick backwards glance and an almost immediate mumble that she's in too much of a hurry.
It's usually a fifteen minute walk from Ricky's office, and a little over five minutes sprint at the pace Gyuvin is going. The apartment they rented was chosen precisely because it's a perfect in-between the painting studio Gyuvin works at, and the office Ricky spends some time in. It invites the nice morning sun and stays relatively cool throughout the day when the sun rises too high above the horizon to beat its relentless rays into the windows. When the sun sets, they get a nice view of the city outside of their window. It's perfect. Gyuvin believes it's made even more so because she gets to spend time with her best friend more, though the gnawing need that grows deep within her for a 'more' that she doesn't allow herself to pursue will say otherwise.
(But Gyuvin doesn't want to test the saying where they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, for she isn't sure how much more fonder her heart can bear to become when Ricky is involved.)
Gyuvin admittedly gets there faster today. There is no point in making Ricky wait for too long, especially when she knows just how much Ricky likes to return home almost immediately after a long day of work. On a rainy day like today, that desire only increases that much more.
When she finally turns and begins to approach the building, she ends up only stopping dead in her tracks when she hears the all too familiar laughter fill her ears. Melodious, sweet, yet too disconcerting at this very moment. Ricky. Ricky's laughing. Usually, when Gyuvin comes to pick her up, it's always met with a soft, surprised "Qubing?" no matter how often she does it. Never a laugh. And never laughter that sounds like this, unbridled happiness like Gyuvin's finally said something funny enough to tickle a part deep inside Ricky. The umbrella tips upwards enough for Gyuvin to look up at Ricky the same time she feels her phone buzz inside of her pocket. Her chest rises and falls with each pant, heartbeat rapid because she's never quite calmed down from the run just yet. Yet, the sight in front of her is enough for her blood to run cold with dread.
There Ricky is, smiling the brightest Gyuvin's seen her do, underneath an umbrella that she isn't holding. Gyuvin's heartbeat is still helplessly quickening from how beautiful Ricky is even against the dark grey skies and under an umbrella, black like her usual preferred aesthetic. Unlike the pink umbrella she's gotten for Ricky. When Gyuvin finally manages to peel her eyes away from Ricky, she feels as if she needs to hurl.
There is a man. Taller than Ricky, which is a feat considering how tall Ricky is. Taller than Gyuvin too, if the height difference between them is anything to go by. He's tall, well-built, and almost as beautiful as Ricky is. Their bodies seem to press too close together, clearly comfortable in each other's presence, and his eyes are focused on Ricky the same way Ricky's are focused on him, the soft fats underneath crinkling up as she smiles. For the first time, Gyuvin can't find it in herself to smile just from witnessing Ricky smile. Her heart pangs in her chest, and she knows all too well what she feels. Gyuvin knows a lot, after all.
And Gyuvin knows that what courses through her veins right now is red hot jealousy.
When the laughter finally dies down, Ricky finally looks at Gyuvin. There's shock that makes itself quite known on Ricky's features, strawberry pink lips gently parted into a soft 'o' shape as her eyes widen just slightly. So, Ricky doesn't expect to see Gyuvin here? For some reason, this information digs deep into her and she aches even more than she already is.
"Qubing? What are you doing here?"
Gyuvin tries to smile, but it comes more as a grimace. Her hand shoves deep into her pocket when she belatedly realises that her phone did buzz earlier on—it's a nice, convenient excuse for her to shift her attention away when she feels the man's eyes boring into her alongside Ricky's. One part of her body feels comfortable, and the other definitely does not. When she finally reads the bubble notification that pops up front and centre on her screen, though, Gyuvin doesn't feel comfortable all around.
[18:01]
Kim Rwick🍓: gyuvin-ah, i'll be coming home late today. stay safe and remember to eat! don't wait for me, okay? i'll be having dinner outside. see you later
"Oh, haha! I didn't know you were going to be eating out today. With him, right? You two look good together, by the way! I'll just go home now," Gyuvin quickly replies, biting down on her lower lip briefly. "See you later, Ricky."
"Wait, Qubing, we're—"
"Don't worry about it! You two should enjoy. Together. Yes."
Gyuvin waves goodbye faster than she's ever done—because saying goodbye to Ricky usually takes closer to five minutes than five seconds—and turns before she can regret walking away. Before her resolve fails her, and she falls to her knees and begs Ricky to break up with her boyfriend and date her instead because Gyuvin is, and has always been for the longest time, in love with her. Her best friend.
Gyuvin knows a lot, until she doesn't.
It's even more of a pity that she now knows this—
Gyuvin knows Ricky doesn't feel the same.
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They don't talk about it. Gyuvin doesn't let them.
When Ricky returns that night, Gyuvin makes sure she is already in bed, pretending to be asleep the moment the electric trill of their apartment's door sounds a total of four times as the code's keyed in. Usually, Gyuvin stops doing everything she's doing by the second beep to greet Ricky at the door, but tonight, it changes. Hunger grips at her stomach because she's not had the appetite to eat. It aches, but nothing aches more than her heart that is too busy yearning. And mourning. Ricky calls out for her, and Gyuvin can imagine Ricky's expression as the image of her best friend is always and constantly burnt into the back of her eyelids. Gyuvin only pulls the blanket tighter around her body. She continues to pretend she's asleep even when light floods their shared bedroom for a split second before it's shut off right again.
"I guess you're sleeping," Gyuvin hears Ricky say. Seconds pass, and when Ricky is uncharacteristically met with silence once more, she speaks again.
"Goodnight, Qubing-ah," Ricky mumbles in Korean. Gyuvin tries her hardest to ignore the urge to push herself up and expose her ruse. But she cannot. Gyuvin doesn't know when she falls asleep, but it is not peaceful.
She wakes up the next day without fanfare, and without acquainting herself with the warmth of Ricky, who sleeps only just a small distance away from her. Somehow, it doesn't feel appropriate anymore. Gyuvin doesn't think Ricky's boyfriend would find that Ricky's best friend—obviously a lesbian and definitely in love with Ricky—cuddles his girlfriend when they go to sleep every night appropriate at all.
Scratch that. Nothing they do is very appropriate. Gyuvin has let herself grow too brazen. She indulged far too much, and now that Ricky is accounted for, they have to stop everything between them. Gyuvin will work hard, either way. She needs Ricky in her life, still, and refuses to be the reason why they grow apart.
She just hopes her aching heart will behave from now on.
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… It's difficult. Gyuvin will admit that most of it is her fault. Although she tries her best to remain the same, her 'same' involves being a huge part of Ricky's life. When all of that is stripped threadbare and she needs to live without being stuck to Ricky's side like a stubborn piece of gum, Gyuvin ends up being awkward. And because she doesn't want to make things worse than it already is becoming, Gyuvin takes more shifts at the art studio. It raises enough red flags in Hao's head, so it seems, because during one of their shared breaks, Gyuvin feels herself tugged into an empty studio before the door clicks shut behind them.
"You're acting really weird these days and I don't like it, Gyuvin," Hao states, never one to beat around the bush. Gyuvin doesn't know if she likes this particular trait of the elder or not at this very moment. She avoids Hao's gaze entirely, because she knows she is as guilty as a child with their hand shoved deep into a cookie jar with chocolate already smeared all over their mouth. Gyuvin just wishes she weren’t being confronted like this.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Gyuvin tries. Again, because she always tries to deflect whenever Hao gets too much of an accurate read on her. It doesn't work this time, and this time, Gyuvin is not right. She is so wrong that Hao doesn't even have to say anything more for her to break.
"… fine. I do know what you're talking about. But must we talk about this, Hao jie?" Gyuvin asks, her words leaving her in soft whines.
"We do, if you're acting like this, and if Ricky's acting like that, too. We have eyes, Gyuvin. Now, spill, or do I have to torture answers out of you?"
Gyuvin's eyes widen, hands waving in front of her rapidly.
"No, no, you don't!" Then, she pouts. It's not fair—Gyuvin doesn't know why she has to suffer through this when just knowing that Ricky is probably out there, happy, and getting distracted from her stupid best friend's antics by a pretty boyfriend that clearly fits her more than Gyuvin ever will. She wishes Ricky will be happy, of course she does, but Gyuvin wishes it to be with herself instead. Not anyone else.
"I'm waiting," Hao adds after a moment of silence. Gods, she wasn't distracted yet?!
Gyuvin has no choice but to relent and share—from admitting that yes, she does have feelings for Ricky (not to Hao's surprise) and that she has to get over the feelings now that Ricky is with someone. (Gyuvin pauses when Hao looks so shocked, and brushes it off by believing that Ricky just hasn't shared it with anyone else yet. Though she was kind of keeping it a secret from Gyuvin too, considering she'd never have known if she had not seen them that one day.)
"I… wow. I mean, I know I said I knew, but really, Gyuvin-ah? You kept all of this to yourself? Why didn't you confess to her sooner?" Hao asks, squinting at Gyuvin who feels oddly like a mouse cornered. Sadly, Gyuvin doesn't know beyond this—
"I guess I'm just afraid of what she'll say. I don't want to make things awkward between the both of us."
The silence that drags on after her statement is deafening. Gyuvin counts down the seconds as she stares at Hao, waiting for a response—chiding, nagging, or hopefully some form of reassurance. When recognition clicks in Gyuvin's head, she knows that Hao's silence is an open invitation for Gyuvin to realise how badly she's messed up.
"Oh, gods… Hao jie, what do I do?"
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Hao calls it her foolproof plan. Gyuvin has doubts, but Hao insists that Hanbin approves of the plan, too. Gyuvin finds that she's stuck between a rock and a hard place and inevitably relents.
Gyuvin still feels a little silly when she sends a text to Ricky. It's just a small request, too—something Gyuvin didn't even blink an eye at before she hit 'send' last time. Hao tells her it's the only way she can make it up to Ricky for making things so awkward between the both of them, so what can Gyuvin do when she's so desperate to right her wrongs?
It doesn't mean she doesn't feel any less nervous when she waits for Ricky's response, though. She gnaws at her nail, blunt and short, until her phone buzzes in her hand.
[12:30]
Kim Rwick🍓: okay, see you later on
It's short. Concise, just like how Ricky tends to type. It's harder to tell what Ricky is feeling through pixels that make up words on her screen, but Gyuvin considers it a win that she isn't completely turned down just yet. She sucks in a deep breath and resolves to continue her packing. It's strange. Gyuvin doesn't even cook that well—only decently—but Hao insists that she has to. She takes one look at Gyuvin's past baking experience, though, and then suggests she gets the pastries and desserts from the bakery instead. ("Your pocket can handle a little hit, I'm sure. Ricky's stomach? Not so much." Gyuvin has to fight the urge to groan.)
By the time she's done preparing, Gyuvin has a heavy insulated bag to lug around. She makes it to the bakery without tripping over her feet—nothing short of a miracle—and finds herself too tired to actually make the rest of the way there on public transport. The cab ride there is far more comfortable, and Gyuvin finds she can slump into the seat deep enough at the back of the car to relax, for now. She will deal with the jitters when they inevitably crawl back up later on.
It tastes like bile and something else that she can't quite place, but Gyuvin hopes she doesn't feel it anymore after today. She'll come clean, admit that she needs a little bit of distance, and then wish Ricky well once again on her relationship. It's terrifying to subject herself to all this, but she is made to believe that it is the only way she can remove the wedge between herself and Ricky before it splits them both up. Ricky is too precious to Gyuvin for her to fully let go.
Yet, when the cab pulls to a stop on the roadside and Gyuvin has to make the last bits of her journey to their meeting spot by herself, she finds that her feet feel colder than usual. She wants to pull away from the hard conversations and just enjoy a nice little picnic with Ricky in a place they've frequented. It's Ricky's favourite spot as much as it is Gyuvin's, though the reasons why might be different—the end product remains the same. Which is why Gyuvin believes that if he keeps mum, then nothing will be exposed, and she can work hard to mend the rift growing in their relationship—
Her phone buzzes. Hao jie. She picks it up, and is immediately met with scolding.
"If you're thinking of an alternative plan, ditch it! Only this one will work!"
Before Gyuvin can respond, the line goes flat.
How does Hao know? Is she omnipresent? Made of magic? Then again, her dear Hanbin unnie always says her girlfriend is magical and all-knowing. Perfect. And a lot of other words, though they're all praises. Gyuvin heard enough of them that she forgets most of them, too. Gyuvin believes the 'magical' part to be especially true though, considering what happened earlier on. She shudders, and hopes Hao is right again this time.
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Gyuvin frankly thinks she does a pretty good job. It doesn't seem a lot of people are crazy enough to have a picnic on a muggy day like today, when humidity is high even in the evening and her clothes cling to her like a second skin. The breeze is at least kicking in now as they approach the later hours of the day. The picnic mat is populated with the small light bites of food she's prepared—small sandwiches with savoury and sweet options, pastries, fruits (well, two fruits: strawberries and mangoes) and the cake, still safely nestled within the box it came in. She wants to appreciate her setup more.
"Qubing? What's all this?"
… Gyuvin supposes she cannot.
She turns then, all awkward smiles and stiff back. The speed in which she turns, though, sends hair hurtling to her face, and she eats a few of the chestnut brown hair before she sputters and tugs them down and away from her lips.
"Ricky," Gyuvin calls out softly. Immediately, she sees a frown form on her best friend's features, and a gentle knit of her eyebrows is enough for Gyuvin to relent and quickly correct herself. "Lovelicky."
The smile returns to Ricky's features, but only for a brief moment as wonder colours her expression once more, approaching the picnic mat. She doesn't even ask, probably because she knows she is the reason for this setup, and sits down. Gyuvin scrambles to help her, before she settles down beside Ricky, too. Their knees almost touch when they sit this close. Gyuvin has to breathe in deeply to remind herself that she is here on business. But before that all, she's woefully distracted by the smile that plays on Ricky's lips, soft and gentle. She can see easily that her best friend appreciates it all, especially after a long day at work. It's always been what they should have done—for years, their routine has been built on each other, finding comfort within soft sheets and even softer skin as they doze off. But Gyuvin deprived Ricky of such in her own bout of selfishness. She needs to right her wrongs, but first, she just wants to see Ricky happy for longer.
"It's been a while since we last had a picnic. Since the weather's been getting better, I thought, what better time than now?" Gyuvin finally replies, almost belatedly. Ricky hums and nods her head, the motion causing her jet black hair to follow like soft cascading waterfalls. Her heart pangs, because how can it not? Gyuvin has to come to terms with the fact that her best friend is not fully hers anymore when a romantic someone else comes into play. She never thinks herself to be a possessive one, but she supposes Ricky always makes her do things so uncharacteristic of herself.
After we eat, Gyuvin tells herself, I'll tell her then.
Gyuvin wishes it were somehow easier. Eating with Ricky like this is so normal that it feels like breathing, but the nagging afterthought that she has to come clean once and for all later on nags at the back of her head like no other. Gyuvin doesn't like to think, if she's being honest. But with this situation, she's forced to think again, and again, and again, when all she truly wants to do is to sink into the warmth that she knows sits only a small distance away from her. She misses the soft citrus, the warm cotton, and the sea. She misses Ricky even when she's right there in front of her, and in missing her, she feels tears easily well up in her eyes.
She's not fast enough to blink them away. In fact, blinking only causes them to fall—she prays Ricky doesn't see as she quickly brings a hand to wipe away at them, but of course Ricky doesn't spare her the privilege of hiding away. Ricky looks up at just the right time, midway into her speech about the day she's had and how she's appreciated this, until Gyuvin has to see the words die on the tip of her tongue.
"Qubing-ah, what's wrong?" Ricky asks. Gyuvin is too afraid to answer. She keeps her lips pursed shut, wiping away at the remaining tears that dares to form, and forces a smile on her face.
"Nothing, Lovelicky," Gyuvin reassures, even when she can't trust her own words. "Don't worry about it."
This time, Ricky frowns. She doesn't seem convinced. Even in her fiery determination, she makes sure to wipe her hands clean on a fresh sheet of tissue she pulls out from the packet, gently folding it and putting it aside. It's only after they're clean, that Ricky uses them to gently cup Gyuvin's cheeks, squishing the soft flesh together and causing Gyuvin's lips to pucker. She can't help but just laugh, despite the pain that claws at her and begs for Gyuvin to finally pay attention to it rather than shoving it so deep that she can't feel it.
"You say that, but it's clear that there's been something going on for a long while by now. Are you going to be honest, or am I going to have to force it out of you?"
Gyuvin stops laughing then. Clearly, treating it like it's some joke doesn't work on Ricky, and she is most definitely waiting for an answer right now. Gyuvin gulps.
It's now or never, isn't it? She has to be brave and grab the bull by its horns before it ends up being too late for the both of them.
Gyuvin's touch is gentle. They always are when it comes to Ricky, when she finally lifts her hands to circle her fingers around Ricky's wrists, easing them down carefully from her cheeks. She's not met with resistance, much to her own chagrin—if there is, then perhaps she can put off explaining herself for a tad bit longer. She sighs, and hopes to every god out there that she's managed to expel all of the doubt and hesitation she feels swimming inside of her. Any longer, and they'll call her body their home.
"There's no need for force," Gyuvin mumbles. Her gaze meets Ricky's for a brief moment, before she looks away, ashamed. "I do have things I need to tell you, and it's part of the reason why I've asked you… um. To come meet me out here."
Ricky doesn't speak. It's almost as if she's giving Gyuvin all the time she needs in the world to gather her thoughts. Gyuvin, on the other hand, doesn't know if she should be thankful for the time given or not.
"So…" Gyuvin begins again, awkwardly. "Firstly, I think—no, I know—I'm the reason that we've been so different these days. So odd. So I want to apologise for that."
Ricky nods the moment Gyuvin's gaze finally settles on her once more. It's intense, and this time, she cannot gently nudge Ricky to tell her to ease up just a tad. Not when Gyuvin kind of deserves a glare more than anything else.
"And for the reason why I did it…" She mumbles, sucking in a deep breath after her words. From where she sits, she can see the rest of the park rather well—the grass field that they sit on is well-kept, there are not as many people as she predicted there will be, and the skies behind Ricky are beautiful. They're approaching sunset by now, when the sun steadily begins to sink down towards the horizon, about to mark the end of daytime with a kaleidoscope of colours that will tinge the sky such vibrant colours that it's easily both of their favourite sights in the world. It's why it's their favourite place to have a picnic, too. Gyuvin remembers that all too well, and wonders if this will be the last time they'll end up coming here together. Will Ricky bring her boyfriend over to enjoy the same sunset Gyuvin and herself witness? Will Gyuvin have to share her special places with Ricky with someone else now? She cringes at the mere thought, but she doesn't think there's anything that she can say to Ricky regarding that matter without crossing some boundaries.
"Well?" Ricky prompts, softly. Her perfect brows are furrowed again, as they always are whenever Ricky's attempting to focus on something. Gyuvin has to resist the urge to laugh fondly at the sight before her, and she has to nibble on the inside of her cheek to remind herself that she is here to be honest, not sentimental. Even if being honest might cost her her friendship with Ricky.
"… I guess, I was feeling a little jealous. I'm happy for you, of course, but Ricky, I can't help but feel as if my time with you will lessen. That our little secret spots with one another will end up being secrets you share with someone else. What I'm trying to say is, I know you're already in a relationship, and I'm not asking for anything out of this, and I wish nothing between us will change, but—" Gyuvin sucks in a deep breath, and has to force past her thundering heartbeat to utter the next few words.
"I'm in love with you, Ricky." And I will keep my distance.
It's technically what she's supposed to say.
Gyuvin finds out, with firsthand experience, that it's actually quite difficult for anyone to say anything when there are a pair of lips pressed onto their own. Gyuvin's eyes widen the same time her heart beats right out of her chest, freezing on the spot when she notices just how close Ricky is. And of course she is, because she is the one kissing Gyuvin just like this, and she is the one that is filling Gyuvin's senses with nothing but Ricky, Ricky, Ricky—
Gyuvin has to pull away. She does it for the both of them, breathing heavily as her lips part. They tingle to the point they almost burn. Gyuvin rests a hand on Ricky's shoulder, squeezing firmly, as she tries to come to terms with what happened.
"Ricky, it's not—you're, this is inappropriate—"
"Do you want to know what's truly inappropriate, Kim Qubing?" Ricky asks, eyes narrowing subtly into slits. She pulls down Gyuvin's hand with a force even Gyuvin is unaware Ricky possesses. "It's the fact that you've been assuming all along that I was in a relationship. It's him, isn't it? The one during that thunderstorm. That was my cousin, for God's sake."
Gyuvin's cheeks burn. She doesn't know what else to feel other than embarrassment that she's able to make such a mistake. And oh, what has she been doing? It's clearly an insult to Ricky for her to assume something like this of her, but then again, can anyone blame Gyuvin? They looked so good together. Ricky looked so happy. She's jealous. She was jealous back then, and she is still jealous now. But still, it doesn't—
"Okay, I get that now," Gyuvin sputters. Where Ricky's eyes are narrowed, Gyuvin's are widened, still reeling from earlier on. "But that doesn't explain why you kissed me."
Ricky's exasperated. Gyuvin hears it effortlessly in the way Ricky sighs, but she still can't wrap her head around it.
"Because I'm in love with you too, silly."
Gyuvin's world seems to stop then. It only spins once again when she blinks, and all she can focus on is Ricky. The skies behind them turn a sweet pink. It introduces a gentle pink hue to Ricky's pale skin, tinges her ears, and makes her jet black hair shine even more than its usual lustrous shine. Gyuvin doesn't know how she's still conscious, or hell—alive, when her heart beats so loudly and rapidly that she grows incredibly light-headed. Despite the charming strawberry skies, all she can focus on is the pink of Ricky's lips, plump and glossy, the usual soft pink shade she uses even though she insists she doesn't like pink. Gyuvin doesn't know what to say.
And so she doesn't say anything, when she cups Ricky's cheek and eases her best friend into another kiss. She kisses Ricky with more intent and less shock now—Ricky is clearly more well-adjusted than Gyuvin is, because she returns the kiss without a second of hesitation. When their lips meet again, Gyuvin tastes the strawberry on her lips, because Ricky hasn't once stopped snacking on her favourite fruit between each food item she consumes. She tastes of sweet pastry and fresh whipped cream, and Gyuvin grows dizzy at the mere realisation once more that she is, in fact, kissing her best friend. Her long-standing crush of years that Gyuvin is scared to put a time period to. When she breathes, all she can take in is Ricky, Ricky, and Ricky, and this time, she feels that Ricky is actually hers. Gyuvin's hand gets lost within the soft tresses of Ricky's hair, and they kiss until Gyuvin's lungs ache and she has to pull back, all breathless laughter as her arms so easily wrap around Ricky's waist, face buried against Ricky's chest, where she laughs, and then laughs more, pulling Ricky closer as she tilts her head up.
"I love you, Lovelicky," she whispers, the corners of her lips curved into a smile so wide it hurts her cheeks. It doesn't matter, though, because at this moment, she feels more alive than ever. Nothing will hurt more than when she thought she had to share Ricky, and from how things are looking, that will not be her reality anytime soon.
"I love you too, Qubing-ah. Even though you're kind of a huge idiot sometimes," Ricky replies. Her smile is sweet, like the strawberries she enjoys, and her embrace is warm, like the soft cotton that Gyuvin can catch from her perfume she spritzes onto herself. But most importantly, she is in love with Gyuvin, the same way Gyuvin is with her.
"Can you be my girlfriend?" Gyuvin asks.
"I thought I'd have to wait a few more years for you to ask."
They laugh together—it's a sweet melody that makes up Gyuvin's favourite song that she spins of the both of them, for the both of them. They kiss a third time, and Gyuvin feels as if she's soaring in the cotton candy clouds that hang high up in the sky. She soars, and Ricky is right there with her.
As she's always been.
As she always will be.