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Ro Laren feels weightless. She looks down at her clenched fists resting in her lap and relaxes her fingers. She lets go of everything that has been holding her down. When she looks back up, she meets fiery dark eyes, and that’s when she knows exactly what she wants to do. She doesn’t know why, but she wants to lean over the counter and kiss the bartender, and hold her close, and never let her go.
Maybe it’s because of the way her lips curl when she smiles. The corners of her mouth turn upwards and little folds and creases paint her cheeks. Dimples, humans call them. Maybe it’s all because of Guinan’s dimples.
Or perhaps it’s the laughter in her voice. The slight hint of teasing when she pushes Laren’s drink across the counter and chuckles, “be careful, this stuff really sneaks up on you”. The way she holds Laren’s gaze as she takes a sip, and winces, and they both smile. Maybe it’s because Guinan’s smile feels like coming home.
But Ro Laren does not lean over the counter, and she does not kiss the bartender or hold her close. She just sits there for a few more minutes, for a few more hours, and she dreams of all the ways she could keep Guinan close. She thinks of holding her hand, of playing with her hair, of placing her lips over those dimples, one dimple at a time. She thinks of whispering ‘you are beautiful’; of Guinan’s voice laughing ‘I know’; of their fingers linked together; of how soft Guinan’s skin would feel against hers.
When it’s time to leave, she lingers a bit, hovering over her barstool. She waits for Guinan’s eyes to catch hers, tapping her fingers against the side of her empty glass or rubbing at her nose ridges or fumbling with her earring. She tries not to think of how Guinan tugs playfully at Commander Riker’s sleeve or how she gives Doctor Crusher a conspiratorial wink. She tries not to be jealous of them, of Ensign Hayashi, of Lieutenant Ramda, of Counselor Troi.
Laren stares at Guinan instead, at her hair and her curves and the way her body sways from side to side as she places her elbows on the counter and shakes her head.
And when Guinan’s eyes do meet hers, Laren is flooded with the warmth and shame of being discovered staring. She’s overwhelmed by the duality of pleasure and discomfort. It feels like being naked under the stars. It feels like losing her mind. It feels like something she’s never experienced before.
Guinan walks towards her, smiling softly, unbelievably beautiful in the dim light of Ten Forward. “Leaving?” she asks Laren.
“My shift starts in five minutes,” Laren says, trying to look nonchalant.
Guinan nods slowly. It makes her earrings jingle as they brush her cheeks. “Do you think wishing for something is wrong?” she frowns, and Laren knows where this is going, but she plays along anyway.
“Wishing for impossible things, yes,” Ro Laren’s heart is beating faster now, her hands are shaking, her smile is barely concealed.
Guinan licks her lips. “Do you think what I’m wishing for is impossible?”
“I don’t know what you’re –”
“Yes you do,” Guinan brushes her fingertips against Laren’s hand.
Maybe it’s a combination of all the little things Guinan says and does and is. Maybe Ro Laren isn’t losing her mind; maybe she’s making it up. Right now, as she leans over the counter, she already knows that she’s not going to kiss the bartender. Instead, she puts her lips close to Guinan’s ear, breaths in, breathes out. “I’ll be back after closing time,” she whispers.
~
Ten Forward is darker than usual, but Laren manages to make her way through the room without tripping over anything. The emptiness is odd in a place like this, the silence is too loud. Guinan is sitting at one of the tables in the far end of the lounge. She’s facing the windows, looking out at the stars: she doesn’t look like she’s waiting for someone. For a moment Laren feels like she’s trespassing. But Guinan turns towards her, that same playful smile still tugging at her lips.
“I was wishing on stars,” she simply says, gesturing vaguely towards the windows.
Laren sits down next to her. “Really?”
“Mm-hm,” Guinan nods, “they say that if you wish hard enough your wishes just might come true.”
The stars are reflected in her eyes and on her skin and everywhere around her and Laren feels light as a feather as she watches her get closer. “They also say you should be careful what you wish for…” Laren mutters.
“I think you should stop being careful, Ro Laren,” Guinan’s voice is louder now, deeper, stronger, and she’s smiling, dimples painting her cheeks, and she’s beautiful, and Laren is leaning over the table now and kissing her, and holding her close, and never letting her go.