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When Greta’s official will and testament was read, it threw a wrench into Caily and Cleo’s plans. They had planned on going straight into running the mafia. But when these words were uttered, everything changed:
“I leave control of the insurance mafia to Caily Valeron and Cleo Taylor,” the random man neither of them had ever met read, “only under the condition that they both graduate from a university with some sort of degree.”
Neither Caily nor Cleo had had traditional schooling, with Caily’s mother threatening her constantly and Cleo smuggling fruit snacks throughout her teenage years. This made their task much more difficult.
“How are we supposed to graduate from a university if neither of us has had any schooling in years?” Caily asked him.
“I didn’t write the will, miss. I’m just here to read it and ensure it will be carried out in the intended way,” he spoke not without emotion, but like a man who had heard this far too many times. “Might I suggest a local community college? That would satisfy the terms of the agreement while also being willing to take less qualified students.”
“That could work. Caily, how far away is the community college?” Cleo turns to look at Caily, who is beside her on a couch.
“Probably a 45-minute drive. That’s better than trying to get into an actual college.”
A toddler-like scream is let out from a room behind them. The girls had taken up residence in Sergei’s house for the time following their return. They didn’t quite know how to care for a 3-year-old, but they figured more people to help couldn't hurt.
“Sergei?” Caily called back to him, standing up, “Is everything alright back there?”
“FINE! Everything is fine! No need for interrupt important meetings!”
Both girls stand up and immediately rush through the doorway to the kitchen to see Sergei holding a knife up to Tali, their adopted daughter, who is sitting in a highchair.
“Why is that man holding up a knife to that child?” the official man asked.
“Teaching Tali to cut vegetables. Not my fault she cried! She has knife handling skill of infant!”
“She’s practically an infant, Sergei,” Cleo informed him.
“You know what she is fated to. Knife skills necessary,” Sergei continued, cryptically. “I hear you go to college! Proud of you! Edgar, girls are go to college!”
“They’re doing what now?” A young man with greasy black hair walks into the kitchen through another entrance.
“We have to go to college to be allowed to run the mafia Greta left for us,” Cleo told him. “Which is stupid, by the way.”
“Agreed,” Caily pulled Tali out of her highchair as she spoke and started bouncing her.
“Can I finish reading the will,” the official man piped up, “please?”
“Sure!” Caily replied.
————
After the official man left, the house residents gathered in the garage to discuss the findings of the will.
“So, Caily and I have decided to go to the nearest community college, which is 45 minutes away, so that we will be admitted and will be done as soon as possible,” Cleo told the group.
“We also think it’s the best idea for us to live in an apartment on campus and visit on weekends. Tali should definitely stay here since you have a house and stable income,” Caily continued.
“I prepare child for future mafia endeavors!” Sergei added cheerfully.
“Edgar, please keep him from teaching her too much weaponry,” Cleo asked.
“No promises. Good luck!”
And with that, the plan was set in motion. Caily and Cleo applied and were admitted to the community college. They drove out and moved into an apartment near the school.
————
“Ugh we have no money,” Caily whined, “I’m bored and it’s only Wednesday. We don’t go home until Friday afternoon!”
“Wanna go out to a bar? We can try to score some free drinks off of the guys there,” Cleo suggested.
“Sure. I've got nothing better to do.”
They walked to the nearest bar and hung around for a while until some boys came up and started chatting them up and offering to buy drinks. After enjoying some free drinks, they began their walk home.
“You know how we could save money?” Cleo turned to Caily, “We could get married!”
Caily spit out her water, “What the fuck, Cleo?”
“No, no,” Cleo responded, “don’t look at me like I’m crazy! This could work!”
“How?”
“First of all, tax benefits,” Cleo began, “also, it would make guardianship easier with Tali. We haven’t officially adopted her yet and this will make it much easier.”
“You’ve really thought this through, hm?”
“Maybe once or twice...”
“I guess when we actually take over the mafia we would seem like a more united front. And we could spot any homophobes a mile away,” Caily reasoned.
“So, you’re down?” Cleo asked.
“Aren’t you straight?”
“Yeah,” Cleo said, “what does that have to do with anything? This is purely for tax benefits.”
“I’m just saying when you fall in love with me...” Caily trailed off.
“Well, I won’t.”
“So,” Caily questioned.
“So?” Cleo responded.
“Aren’t you going to propose?”
With that, Cleo got down on one knee in the middle of the sidewalk at 10:30 pm, “Caily, will you commit tax fraud with me, forever?”
“Yes,” Caily laughed, “I will commit tax fraud with you. You do know this means you have to kiss me, right?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Cleo got up from her spot on the floor. “Let’s go to bed.”
————
That weekend at Sergei and Edgar’s they took a trip to the local courthouse. The wedding was nothing special. The ring was one from a capsule machine and the kiss was a chaste one. As she walked down the aisle, Caily looked at the little family she had made for herself. As she walked by, Edgar winked at her. She tried to convey that this was just for tax benefits, I didn’t even suggest it but he was not having it.
They went out to a bar afterward and enjoyed the night. It was a celebration after all. Caily and Cleo were making it through college. With this, it would be even easier. Hopefully.
————
It certainly wasn’t easy, but they got through it.
Apparently, along with running the mafia, they also got a huge, 3 story house to live in. The day after graduation, a member of the mafia toured them through the house. They made sure to hold hands to give the impression that they were in love, along with married.
“And this is the third floor. This is where you will conduct all your business. I have been informed that you have a child, correct?” The girls nodded, “Good. She will not be allowed up here until she is given the information that she is to be the next leader.”
“This whole place is ours?” Caily asked.
“Correct,” the man was efficient and well spoken, a good worker to have.
“When can we move in?” Cleo stopped staring in wonder at the house for enough time to ask.
“Whenever you’re ready. This house has been sitting here waiting for you,” he told them.
“Cleo, can we move in tomorrow?”
“We’ll see when Sergei can bring our stuff, but as soon as he can, we’re moving in.”
Caily squealed at that and spun around in a circle. “Can I make my room purple?”
“Caily, you’re a grown woman, you can do whatever you want to your room.”
————
“This is our new home...” Caily spread her hands in front of their new property the following day. The entire group had piled into Sergei’s beat-up truck that looked like duct tape and dreams held it together to transport the first of Caily, Cleo, and Tali’s stuff to the new house. She led Tali up the steps and inside the front door and was followed by Cleo. The house was already fully furnished, a blessing nobody in their de facto family had decided to question.
Edgar carried the bulk of the stuff, which was mostly suitcases full of clothes. They made him do the grunt work because he didn’t have muscles that would be sore after carrying something heavy. Or any organic tissue for that matter. Sergei brought up the rear, locking the car and taking his boots off at the door.
They all decided to walk around the house independently after depositing their items to the person who owned them and reconvene in the living room, which happened to be on the second floor.
“House need weapons,” Sergei informed them, “how defend against intruder?”
“Well, as the leaders of the mafia with goons on call at all times...” Cleo began.
“And probably weapons of our own,” Caily continued.
“I think we’ll be fine,” Cleo finished.
“Yeah Sergei,” Edgar butted in, “They’re grownups, they can handle themselves.”
“I did not say cannot handle themselves,” Sergei defended, “I merely suggest more weaponry.”
Caily bounced Tali on her hip and Tali giggled at her. Cleo looked at the two of them like they were the entire universe. And to her, they might’ve been.
“Sergei, we should go back and get the rest of their things,” Edgar prompted.
“Oh, we can come with,” Cleo offered, “it is our stuff, after all.
“No,” Sergei told them, “More space in truck. Get all things in one trip.”
They all said their goodbyes and Sergei and Edgar walked towards the exit. As they did, Edgar turned around to look at the little family in the big house. He caught Cleo’s eye and winked. Her cheeks turned rosy as she looked back over her best friend and their kid.
————
One night, not long after the girls had moved into their new home, the adults were all hanging out at Sergei’s while Tali slept upstairs. Life in the mafia can be stressful so they made sure to spend time simply enjoying the company of friends.
Around 10 pm someone had had the bright idea to break out the alcohol. This, of course, devolved quickly. A game of truth or dare had been proposed. Now, with a group like this, there is not much that is unknown to the other members. This means that truth is very rarely picked.
“Cleo,” Edgar began with a mischievous look on his face, “I dare you... to kiss Caily. And now some tiny little peck! It has to be a real kiss.”
“With tongue?” Cleo asks.
“Yup,” Edgar says, matter of fact, “a real kiss”
Cleo mulled this over in her brain. Of course, there were no real consequences to saying no to the dare. But she had kissed Caily before, they were married. She didn’t know why the thought of kissing her best friend made her nervous, but she made her decision quickly: she was no pussy.
So, Cleo leaned over towards her best friend and grabbed her face. She connected their lips hesitantly, but Caily didn’t pull away, likely because of the dare. Cleo then deepened the kiss. Cleo got a bit swept up in it. She had kissed people like this before, but it was never like this . Finally, they both pulled away, breathless.
Edgar wolf whistled and Cleo could feel her face heating up, almost certain she was blushing something fierce. Caily sat next to her with a satisfied, if shocked, grin on her face. Well great. At least someone knows what just happened.
“Can we just move on with the game now,” Cleo asked, “Please?”
“Nobody said anything,” Edgar told her.
“Doesn’t matter what you said,” Cleo replied, frantically. “I think I need to refill my drink. Anyone else need anything?”
Everyone else shook their heads. Cleo almost walked out the door towards the garage without her cup, but then returned, looking more embarrassed to grab it.
The other three sat in silence for a very awkward minute before Caily said, “I need to get some ice, actually. Be back soon.”
Edgar and Sergei share a knowing look before whipping out a deck of cards.
————
When Caily walks into the kitchen, it’s empty. That makes sense because they keep the drinks in the garage. She opens the freezer to grab ice from the tray when the door from the garage opens.
When Cleo walks in, it looks like she's been talking to herself. She certainly didn’t expect anyone, let alone Caily, to be in here.
Caily, for her part, has been rather stoic about this whole thing. She considers that a win. When her straight best friend kissed her, really kissed her, and she didn’t flip the fuck out, that’s a win. Especially since she maybe had a tiny, little, itsy bitsy crush on said straight best friend.
Now, as they stood in the kitchen, Caily almost felt like she couldn’t breathe.
“So, if you want to talk about it, or forget it ever happened, or...”
Caily didn’t finish her sentence before Cleo’s lips were once again on hers. This kiss was less hesitant than the previous one and Caily melted into it quickly. They once again tested the capacity of the human lungs but sadly, were forced to break apart.
“So, I may not be as straight as I initially thought...” Cleo said breathlessly.
“Yeah, I think I got that,” Caily laughed.
They were still sharing the same air and Caily took full advantage of this. She pushed Cleo up against the nearest surface, which happened to be the refrigerator, her hands pinning Cleo there and she went in for another kiss. Cleo responded by running one of her hands through Caily’s hair. She shivered slightly at the touch. Then, simultaneously, they remembered they were still in the kitchen, and this was not their house.
“Should we take this to my room?” Cleo asked.
“Why not mine?” Caily countered, slightly breathless.
“Mine’s farther away from anyone else’s room,” Cleo returned.
“Fine then, lead the way,” Caily giggled.
“You know where my room is,”
“I need someone to hold my hand and show me where it is,”
“You are ridiculous,”
“Yes, yes I am.” And Cleo grabbed Caily’s hand to drag her up the stairs to her bedroom.
————
“When can use kitchen again?” Sergei asked Edgar.
“When we hear footsteps on the stairs, it’s safe to enter the kitchen again.”
Edgar sat with a self-satisfied grin on his face. He had witnessed too many whipped stares when the other wasn’t looking to continue on with his life. He knew something had to be done.
Caily, who was out as pan as soon as they had met, was as lovesick as he had seen her. That was not the hard part of this. Cleo insisted that she was straight. A straight woman doesn’t look at her female “friend” like she hung the stars in the sky, does she, Cleo?
So, he had formulated a plan. The group frequently played silly games when they were tipsy so introducing truth or dare had been the easy part. All he had to do was let everyone get comfortable and slightly drunk before he dared Cleo, not Caily, to kiss the other.
Caily would kiss Cleo, sure, but he didn’t want her trying to hold back because “Cleo’s straight, I didn’t want to cross her boundaries,” or something. No, he had to dare Cleo to do it because Cleo wouldn’t back down from a dare.
Edgar knew that as soon as they kissed, they would both know. It would, at the very least, break the metaphorical dam in Cleo’s head.
This, indeed, would get rid of all the pining happening around Edgar. He figured it would work, but not this well. They had almost immediately run off to do who knows what in the kitchen. All he had to do was wait it out until they went off to Cleo’s room. It is the farthest room from anyone else’s, after all.
“Hear footsteps on stairs,” Sergei reported.
“Good. Wait a minute and then we can go in the kitchen again,” Edgar informed him.
“Elaborate plan, hm?” Sergei accused.
“The pining got annoying, okay? Don’t judge me. They’ll thank me for it in like a week,”
Sergei just shrugged, “As long as fucking is not too loud, all is good.”
————
Cleo wakes up the next morning in her room at Sergei’s. At first, she thinks the events of last night were purely a dream. This is quickly disproven when she realizes Caily’s arm is thrown on top of her.
She startles slightly at this realization. She hopes it won’t wake her sleeping... best friend? Girlfriend? Wife? She doesn’t even know anymore.
All she knows is she’s slept with a few men in her time, but they were all nothing compared to that. But there is no way I’m not straight, I think men are hot. Totally.
Then, Caily shifts, curling her arm around Cleo more. Her eyes open sleepily, and her mouth splits with a grin.
“Good morning,” Caily greets, “I can tell you’re overthinking. Stop it. You’re only going to hurt yourself.”
“Morning,” Cleo says, conflicted. “I just... I’ve been into dudes for my whole 20 years of life on this planet, how am I supposed to deal with the fact that I'm wrong?”
Caily just leans over, grabs her chin, and kisses her. “Like that?” She asks.
“I mean,” Cleo considers, “That does help... but! How did you know you liked girls?”
“I hate to break it to you, but based on last night I don’t think this is a question of if you like girls,”
“God, I feel like the whole world has been flipped upside down,” Cleo admitted.
“Huh. That’s wild,”
“So, like... What are we?” Cleo asked.
“I mean, technically we’re married. But we can be girlfriends if you want,” Caily told her, kissing her again.
“I think I like the sound of that. How are we gonna tell Edgar and Sergei?”
“I’m pretty sure they already know.”
“How?!” Cleo asked.
“Seeing as Edgar was the one to set us up... he definitely already knows.”
“Shit. How did I not realize this?”
“You were a little bit busy...” Caily informed her, raising her eyebrows.
“I really was,” Cleo leaned in to kiss her girlfriend. She didn’t think she’d get tired of thinking that.
————
Breakfast the next morning was normal for all of 2 minutes. Everyone sat peacefully eating their chosen meal until Sergei got too curious not to ask, “How was sex?”
Everyone at the table except Tali, who was a toddler and didn’t understand the conversation whatsoever, scoffed at the blatant question. Cleo’s face was red instantly, while Caily smiled smugly. Edgar pretended to look very interested in his food, which he was not capable of eating.
“That good?” Sergei continued, despite a lack of response from all parties involved.
“…Let’s just say I don’t think I’m straight anymore,” Cleo finally managed to get out.
Caily couldn’t help but burst out laughing with the admission.
“Thank goodness,” Edgar informed them, “I didn’t think I could stand any more pining. From either of you!” He added the last part after Cleo raised her eyebrows at Caily.
“I wasn’t pining!” Cleo protested.
“These hickeys say otherwise…” Caily told her.
“Shut your damn mouth,” she returned, her voice dropping almost an octave from the embarrassed protest it was previously.
“That wasn’t what you were saying last night!” Caily suggested.
“Oh my god! Caily!” Cleo said, blushing again, and her voice returned to its previous embarrassed manner.
“What?! I’m right!”
“This is what I mean, you have so much chemistry. I don’t know how you didn’t see it before, Cleo,” Edgar said.
“Heteronormativity,” Sergei nodded sagely.
“We should probably be going home now,” Caily stood and walked towards Tali’s highchair, “Come on, Cleo.”
This pulled Cleo from her stupor. As Cleo stood to join them, Edgar called out, “Have fun, you two. Be safe!”
“Indeed,” Sergei added, “Maybe send child here for weekend sometime.”
Cleo flipped him off as the little family walked out the door, her other hand in Caily’s.
————
Caily opened her eyes to sunlight flooding her room. The room wasn’t hers to begin with but after one night two months ago, she and Cleo had decided they didn’t need two separate bedrooms.
She then noticed the giggling and a small weight on the blanket. She sat up slightly to discover Tali was on top of the fluffy, purple blanket. Caily turned to look at her girlfriend, Cleo, who was still sleeping. She tried shushing Tali, to no avail.
Tali then jumped up from her spot on the blanket and dove on top of both Caily and Cleo. “Good morning!” She yelled.
Cleo, suddenly awake, blinked a few times, taking in her surroundings. She smiled upon realizing what just happened. She looked towards Caily to commiserate their lost sleep.
“I woke up before. I heard the giggling before she could do anything.” Caily told her.
“Well, aren’t you lucky!”
————
Exactly one year after their wedding for tax benefits, Caily and Cleo held a “vow renewal” ceremony. They will claim it is because they could not afford the same luxuries as students as they can running the mafia, however, those who truly know them know that this was the real wedding.
They had been living the domestic life as mafia bosses and parents to a young girl for 8 months in romantic bliss when Cleo suggested the vow renewal ceremony as a chance for them to have a wedding not held in a courthouse for tax fraud purposes.
Everyone was on board immediately. The mafia does love to throw a party, after all. The pair especially anticipated the date of their wedding anniversary.
All the traditional, overdone wedding cliches were musts. Both women went shopping for dresses independently, Cleo with Sergei as her assistant and Caily with Edgar. They had a first look and Caily will freely admit that she cried seeing her wife in her wedding dress.
They decided, however, that they should walk down the aisle together. They are one, united, equal front, after all.
Tali was nominated to be the flower girl. At the ripe age of 4½ years old, she took great honor in being granted this task. Cleo nearly cried seeing Tali walk down the aisle to the waiting music, throwing flowers as if her life depended on it. Sergei told them she should have been throwing old grenades or small knives to be handed out as party favors but this idea was vetoed almost immediately.
Obviously, neither girl had a father figure in her life so it was decided that Sergei would walk them both down the aisle. He would remain stoic until he left them both at the comically large altar (provided by a member of the mafia). And while he will claim there were no tears shed from his eyes that night, Cleo will claim otherwise.
But Caily wouldn’t know. She was too busy staring at her wife. Her actual wife this time. They had been in love for 10 months at this point, but Caily always remembers their original wedding with a chaste kiss that left her itching for more. She hadn’t let herself get her hopes up because Cleo was adamant that she was straight. Thank god Edgar saw what neither of us could , she mused on the long walk down the red carpet that was the aisle (also provided by a mafia member, likely looking to score some brownie points with the couple).
The reception was a night to remember. Any party sponsored by the mafia was likely to get out of control very quickly, and this was no exception.
“This is reminding me of the night we first kissed…” Cleo tells her wife in the wee hours of the night, the party still bright and loud in the distance.
“We did a lot more than just kiss that night babe,” Caily helpfully informs her wife. They had snuck away from their own reception, held in a large tent behind their three-story house in the country.
“Oh, I remember…” Cleo laughed. Both women giggled a bit and finally reentered their house.
“Babe this is our house! Like… ours ! We’re a proper family!” Caily rambled.
“It really is,” Cleo tells her, smiling, “but I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight. We should go to bed. There’s work to do in the morning.”
“Counterpoint: you’ve had just as much and it is our wedding night. It’s not my fault I get sentimental when I’m tipsy. So? Shall we take this to the bedroom?” Caily wiggled her eyebrows at her wife.
“You’re ridiculous!”
“And you love me for it!”
“I do. I really do.”