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“Lloyd!”
Nya shouted past him. Lloyd slammed open the door. He emerged from the small and enclosed room to a larger, much colder warehouse. Nya trailed behind him.
“Wait!” Nya’s voice trembled as she said his name hurriedly, “What are you doing? Where are you going?”
Lloyd ignored her. He could not bring himself to look at Nya’s worried—and probably red-eyed—face. Lloyd knew she wanted to help him, but he just couldn’t face her. Not after what had happened.
The excruciating sound of wood breaking rang in his ear; Harumi’s distorted laughter drummed in his head, even though the only sounds present were footsteps on the cold floor and concerned shouting.
He and Nya were discussing the incident that had happened a couple of days ago. It wasn’t exactly a topic Lloyd felt comfortable talking about, especially not with Misako or Dareth. It’s not that he didn’t like them; he just couldn’t let them listen in. He didn’t know why, but he just couldn’t. Respecting Lloyd’s wishes, they and Pixal hung back in the warehouse.
In the bamboo-ornamented room, Lloyd was a bit fidgety. His eyes darted aimlessly and avoided eye contact. He had this habit of playing with his fingers when he was nervous or uncomfortable. It took him a while to give in to Nya’s constant badgering. She hated how she invaded his boundaries, but this had to have come up eventually.
It was an all-too familiar feeling. That feeling when something keeps bugging you, but you ignore it. No matter how hard you try to block it out, it keeps coming back to you. It gnaws at you for eternity until it eventually spirals you down to either madness or complete despondency. Nya should know.
As the destined green ninja, Lloyd’s been through hell and back. He was pretty tough when it comes to dealing with distress. But at the end of the day, he was only human, someone with feelings and a heart. He, too, had a breaking point.
Nya’s known him for years now. And one thing that she knows about Lloyd is how he bottles up all his negative emotions, never letting anyone—and sometimes not even himself—see or even know of it. Nya wished Lloyd would open up to the rest of the team, but they had respected his boundaries nonetheless.
But not this time.
Emperor Garmadon’s stone giant crushed the Bounty into pieces. Shrapnels exploded from every direction. Fragments of wood shattered from the pressure of the giant, rock hand. And most importantly of all, the ninja had gone down with the ship. The soul-sucking moment that would forever play on loop in all of their heads—most vividly in Lloyd’s—had to be talked about. Avoiding it would just make the bottled emotions worse. And maybe, just maybe, Nya could convince him to keep pushing through Garmadon’s rule.
But it was quite obvious that Lloyd didn’t want to talk. “Lloyd, wait!” Nya shouted after him, who had suddenly sprinted out of the door.
“Lloyd? Nya?“ Pixal jumped down from some wooden crates she was sitting on.
“Is everything alright?” Concern filled Misako’s words.
“I- I can’t, Nya. I’m sorry,” Lloyd said. He slowed down but didn’t look back.
Nya tried to calm the kid down. “Look, I know it’s hard, but you have to! The resistance— no. The entirety of Ninjago is relying on you.”
She paused for a moment. Seeing that Lloyd had no motive to reply, Nya continued.
“Emperor Garmadon and,” Nya swallowed, “Harumi— are out there. Out there terrorizing millions of innocents, destroying thousands of homes.”
Lloyd stopped in his tracks. He stared hard at the exit that stood only feet away from him, though it didn’t really seem like he was focusing much on the metal door. Nya saw his hands trembling.
She pressed on, “Look, I know it’s frustrating. But you need to realize that you’re not the only one who lost something! The others… they were my friends too. They were the citizens’ ray of hope when all light was gone. But they’re.. they’re not here anymore. But you are.
“You’re strong, I know you are. You can send a message, a message to the citizens. Let them know that you’re still here. Let them know that you haven’t given up yet, and neither should they!”
Lloyd finally responded, “Then maybe you should lead the resistance.” It pained Nya to hear Lloyd speak in despondency. “You’re clearly more suited for the job, after all.”
“Lloyd.. don’t say that. Where is the Green Ninja I know?”
“Gone.” Lloyd finally turned to look at her. The others were standing with bemused yet concerned faces. Nya stood in the middle, closest to him. She had a firm expression that screamed solemnity and worry.
“I’m not the green ninja, not anymore.” Lloyd started breaking, but he maintained a strong grip. He was trying so hard not to completely break down in front of them.
Nya looked straight into his forlorn, scarlet eyes. The spark that once shone in his eyes when he talked was gone. It was no longer glowing. Rather, it was full of grief. There was this saying that went, the eyes are the windows to someone’s soul. If the saying were to be believed, Lloyd was a lost cause. He just looked so tired.
Lloyd decided to look at the floor. “Everything is gone. My powers, my father, the others…” His voice trailed off for a second until he straightened himself again. “And, despite everything, I’m still standing.”
At that very sentence, his eyes looked more in pain than sorrow. He looked away, back facing Nya. The green on his gi looked darker than usual.
"Lloyd, seriously!" Nya had a habit of getting angry when one of them did or said something stupid, especially if it was self-deprecating. "This entire thing, it wasn't your fault! If anything, it's Garmadon's and Harumi's fault! They're responsible, not you! You couldn't do anything."
"But that's just it!" Lloyd snapped. He spun around, arms flailing beside him. "I couldn't, didn't!, do anything. And look what happened! The others died. The entirety of Ninjago has fallen, pathetically bowing down to Garmadon and the SOG!
"If, if I had," Lloyd hesitated, stammering. It was obvious Lloyd couldn't find the right words to describe the mess of his feelings. "If I had just, been quicker. Not been so.. so foolish! So... naïve, to Harumi's plans, none of this would have happened. Or had managed to stop the ritual in time. Had put in more of an effort to stop the Great Devourer, or didn't decide to idiotically release the serpentine! Or, or!" Lloyd's entire body was shaking at this point. A few tears had spilled down his pale cheeks. "And yet, I- I..."
Nya was speechless. She had known Lloyd for years now, but he had never been so vulnerable with his feelings, let alone snapped at them. It was almost terrifying. It was as if the guy standing in front of her was a completely changed person, but for the worse.
Lloyd's heaving chest slowed. His face fell. The looks on the others, the only people still around that willingly stood by him, were ones of shock, concern, and worry.
The world spun around him. Lloyd felt dizzy, swaying ever so slightly. He hadn't meant to yell at them, didn't mean to just… lose it.
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't... nevermind." Lloyd faced the metal door again, eyes glued to the ground. "For- forget I ever said anything." He started for the exit.
Nya immediately came to her senses and recognized what Lloyd was about to do. She had seen it many times with Kai.
Late nights of not being able to sleep, being too preoccupied by lingering thoughts. Unlike Nya, who didn't remember what their parents looked like, Kai had never really gotten over the sudden disappearance of their mom and dad. Having to take care of a baby when he was only a child and losing the ones who he had looked up to dearly had mentally crippled her brother for life. Nya oftentimes saw him sitting on the greenery outside, looking up at nothing in particular. He was about to do something stupid. Really stupid.
But this time, things were more serious, more... permanent. Kai never had the intention of leaving Nya all alone. He wouldn't even let himself think about the possibility. But Lloyd? In his current state, he was solely acting on impulsive thoughts. He'd never be able to control himself until it was too late. Nya just couldn’t—wouldn’t!—let him.
“Wait!” Nya shouted, her words clear and strong. She wanted to make sure he heard her concerns. She ran up to Lloyd. He was already looking at her, startled by the sudden change in tone.
“I-I know things are hard for you right now. And I don’t wanna force you to stay pent up in here. But just know, j-just know! Don’t you DARE do anything stupid out there!
“I’m worried, we all are, for your safety. I don’t think I can handle it if something were to happen to you.“ It was a bit selfish, Nya mentally acknowledged, but she didn’t want him doing anything he or she would regret. “You do anything stupid out there, and I’ll kill you! Got it?”
Lloyd threatened to cry again. This time not from the pain, but from realizing just how much Nya and the others cared.
“You got it!?” Nya said with more force. She gently yet firmly cupped Lloyd’s face in her hands, forcing him to look up at her.
“I-“ He nodded.
“Promise me. Promise me you won’t do anything idiotic. Swear it, Lloyd! Swear it!”
“I… I swear.”
“Swear you’ll what?”
“I swear I won’t do anything stupid.”
Nya loosened her grip and fell back. Her face turned back to the worried, concerned look she had on when Lloyd had burst out of the room. This time, however, it was sprinkled with some relief.
“Stay safe.” She said softly.
Lloyd picked up and wore his sheath around his neck. He made sure his dao, which was previously leaning against a pillar, was safely tucked in before making his way toward the bulky, metal door.
He opened it. The vibrant sunlight came pouring into the dimly lit warehouse. Even when times were dark, the sky was always painted with dancing clouds or twinkling stars. At least there were still some things to look up to.
Right before stepping out, Lloyd stopped. He said, “I will,” and left.