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Sunlight peeks shyly through the old cotton curtains, billowing softly in the late afternoon air. Kimi soaks it up like a cat, limbs stretched out comfortably on the carpeted floor. Enjoying the warmth while it lasts.
The carpet’s warm beneath her, having spent hours underneath the sun long before Kimi arrived. The room faces the west, so after school Kimi and Ollie find their way here and rest for a while, letting the pack of teenagers thin out while they enjoy the sun.
After 2 whole winters spent in England, Kimi figured she would’ve grown more used to the cold and dreary weather, but with each day that passes she misses Italy more and more, wishes Ollie had exchanged to Bologna instead of the other way around. She’s not built for the cold, and had to practically buy a new wardrobe when her tank tops and shorts proved to be unwearable most of the time.
She huffs out a breath. The only good thing about Essex is Ollie.
Speaking of Ollie, she breathes quietly beside her. Hunched over her crossed legs as she scribbles wildly in her notebook, hand flying back and forth across the page. Kimi watches her lazily, eyelashes fluttering as she fights off the urge to sleep. It’s rare to catch Ollie like this, calm and quiet, instead of her usual untameable energy.
If Ollie’s not out on the field kicking a ball, she’s writing; if she’s not writing, she’s out kicking a ball. And if she’s doing neither, she’s with Kimi. All the better, really. She should be with Kimi all the time, it’s too boring for her on the sidelines.
Ollie’s fingers twist around her pencil (too indecisive for a pen, Kimi’s always sweeping bits of eraser off her hands), and she brings it to her lips. She nibbles on the side of it, lost in thought. Kimi’s eyes follow her movements helplessly, watching as she leaves teeth imprints on yet another helpless pencil.
“What’re you writing?” Kimi tucks a loose curl behind her ear, smiling when Ollie turns to look down at her. Ollie smiles back, uncharacteristically bashful, and pulls the pencil from her lips. She scooches further down the carpet and lies next to Kimi, their shoulders brushing softly against each other.
Ollie’s hair spreads around her head like a halo, slightly wavy from the braids Kimi had practised on her earlier. She can smell her shampoo and conditioner from here, flowery only because she insists on using Kimi’s instead of her own.
Ollie grabs her notebook and holds it above both of them, tilted slightly so Kimi can read the last page she’d been writing in. It’s a series of poems, disjointed and half-finished. Kimi’s eyes scan over the words, taking them all in. Ollie tends to keep her writing to herself, shy for whatever reason, so Kimi jumps at the chance to read it whenever Ollie allows her to.
I have brought her, laughing, to my quiet quietly dreaming garden— the thorns between us sting like love's pain.
Spill into my hands.
I can hear my skin breathe, hear my blood beat.
And the last Kimi reads out loud, voice lilting peculiarly on the words she hasn’t heard before. Ollie’s eyes dart from the page to her face, watching Kimi’s lips as she reads out the words.
The twilight passes, weeping. My fingers climb,
Trembling, provocative, the line of your haunches.
Ollie lets out a long breath once she’s finished, like she was too nervous to breathe properly. Kimi giggles and twists so she’s turned to her side, facing Ollie properly. Ollie lets her elbows fall to the floor, notebook cradled gently to her chest.
She turns to Kimi and pouts.
“It’s pretty!” Kimi insists, curling her fingers around Ollie’s wrist and tugging at it until Ollie relents, allowing her to pull it beneath her head and use it as a pillow. Her skin is effortlessly soft and cool, soothing against the heat in Kimi’s cheeks.
It drives her crazy. The way Ollie can just flop into bed at night while Kimi has to stay up moisturising and doing a 10-step skin care routine, how she wakes up and looks as beautiful as always, while Kimi has to cover up her bags and pluck her eyebrows.
“You think?” Ollie turns on her side as well, keeping her arm-pillow impressively still as she maneuvers. Kimi hums her assent, shutting her eyes happily as Ollie’s fingers twist into her hair, brushing it out gently. “Good.”
The sun’s slowly getting lower, light spilling through the window soft and warm, painting Ollie’s long limbs gold where she’s sprawled out over the floor, one knee bent and the other stretched out, her foot reaching further than Kimi’s.
The light catches on the bridge of her nose, slightly crooked from where she broke it last year, a stray soccer ball from Kimi sending her straight to the hospital. It spreads over her cheekbones, down the cut of her jawline. Sharp where Kimi is soft, eighteen and ready to take on the world.
“I love your writing.” Kimi’s fingers trace the veins in Ollie’s arm, a soothing gesture she hopes will lessen Ollie’s anxiety. Ollie makes a strangled noise, her free hand scrunching up like she wants to squeeze Kimi.
“Stop that.” She whines, pushing Kimi’s shoulder childishly. Kimi can’t tell if she wants her to stop complimenting her, or if she wants her to stop tickling her arm, so she does both. She slides her head further up Ollie’s arm and throws her arm around Ollie’s waist, cuddling in close.
Their conversation lulls, the two girls just breathing in each other's company. Kimi’s eyes flutter shut once more, comforted by Ollie’s steady presence. She could sleep peacefully like this, with the sun warming her skin and Ollie all around her, the rise and fall of her chest, her hair tickling the skin on Kimi’s face, her hand holding her close.
They stay like that for a long moment, long enough for Kimi to wonder if Ollie has somehow fallen asleep. Her suspicions are proven false when she feels Ollie move against her, her hand slowly curling over the top of Kimi’s. Her eyes snap open.
Kimi physically feels her breath stutter in her chest as Ollie slowly slides her hand up her arm, further and further until eventually she’s got her hand snug over Kimi’s side, fingers digging into her just slightly.
Ollie’s face is as peaceful as always, eyes gracefully shut. Not even a slight indication she knows what she’s doing, so Kimi halfheartedly tries to relax again, forcing her muscles to untense.
Minutes pass before Ollie makes her next move, dragging her fingers up and down the curve of Kimi’s waist, a gesture that usually would make Kimi relax, but is now causing her irreparable stress. Her fingers slip under the material of Kimi’s shirt with each pass over, cold against Kimi’s feverish skin.
She has to know what she’s doing, Kimi thinks. Has to see the way she’s reacting, her face so hot she’s worried she might spontaneously combust.
Desperate for a distraction, Kimi searches her mind for a conversation topic. One pops to mind straight away, but Kimi is slightly hesitant to ask it. She breathes unsteadily, nerves settling enough to let her think.
Speak or die, and all that. So she forces the words out.
“Did you get accepted yet?” She murmurs, burrowing her face into the crook of Ollie’s neck, inhaling the perfume she stole from her and pretending she isn’t. Ollie’s hand pauses on her side, her throat moving nervously beneath Kimi’s nose as she swallows. Kimi gives her some space, halfheartedly dragging her face out of her neck and back onto her arm-pillow.
“Yeah, actually,” Ollie begins, and Kimi keeps her face carefully blank, giving her the time to say what she needs to. “I’ll be moving to London a few weeks after I graduate.” Her voice is slightly hoarse, wavering on the word London.
A long moment passes between them, quiet except for their nervous breathing.
A few weeks after graduation. That isn’t that far away, a few months, maybe. Kimi’s mouth suddenly feels stuffed with cotton, her lips wobbling dangerously.
“Oh.” Kimi breaks eye contact, too anxious to try and analyse the look on Ollie’s face. “Did you talk to…?” Your parents, she doesn’t say. The people she’ll still be living with, even though Ollie’s gone, whose room she’ll still be inhabiting, even though Ollie’s side of the bed will be empty.
“Yeah, it’s all sorted.” Ollie nods her head, messing up the fringe she’s been adamant about growing out for months. Kimi smiles despite herself, knowing she’s going to look crazy when she eventually sits up, one half of her hair frizzy.
An awkward silence falls over them, and Kimi regrets asking. Wishes she’d saved it for later. For dinner, maybe, so Ollie’s parents would be there to break the ice. So she could escape to the bathroom and splash her face with water to keep the tears at bay.
But she knows Ollie would’ve overthought it, wouldn’t have known how to tell her. She would’ve procrastinated until the very last minute just like always, and then Kimi would have no choice but to kill her and hide her remains because who the hell doesn’t tell their best friend they’re leaving them?
At least now she can savour it, the time they still have together.
Ollie tugs gently on Kimi’s hair, willing her eyes back over. She complies, and wonders briefly how Ollie can look so unbothered by it all. Kimi hasn’t seen her crack once , not now, not when she turned 18, not even when she was pulling all-nighters to pass her exams. It’s baffling to Kimi, who struggles not to have a breakdown over trivial things like doing her makeup in the mornings.
“You’ll be okay,” Ollie says in that headstrong way of hers, confident that if she just says things will be fine, things will somehow be fine. Kimi rolls her eyes fondly, used to Ollie’s antics by now.
“Duh,” Kimi replies. “I have more friends than just you, you know?” She huffs, ignoring the fact that most of her friends had really just been Ollie’s, and will be up on the stage graduating beside her instead of clapping in the audience with Kimi.
Ollie just smiles, not bothering to continue the squabble Kimi had only started to distract herself.
One of their phones chimes, bursting their bubble with an unceremonious ding. Neither of them move for a long moment, but eventually Ollie sits up, pulling her arm out from underneath Kimi’s head gently and crawling over to her bag.
Kimi pushes herself up reluctantly, one hand pressed to the carpet and the other pulling her shirt down, covering up the sliver of skin Ollie had revealed. Her eyes are trained on Ollie, staring at the little black shorts she can see poking out the bottom of her skirt. They’re the same ones she wears while riding her bike, skin-tight and unbelievably distracting.
Ollie reaches for her bag and Kimi tears her eyes away, focusing instead on a little spot on the carpet that’s still stained from spilt lunch months ago. She pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs, picking absentmindedly at a freckle on the side of her calf.
Kimi buries her face into her bony knees and sighs deeply, feeling distinctly like a pervert.
It’s not like she hasn’t seen Ollie in her underwear before, so looking at a pair of shorts she wears pretty much 24/7 isn’t that weird. She’s not being creepy, she’s just… observing her best friend. Friends do that. Girls do that. Girl-friends, even. She’s fine. Totally, completely fine.
“What’s the time?” She mumbles, barely audible through the confines of her legs.
“Huh?” Ollie calls back, distracted by something. It takes a few seconds before she registers what Kimi’s said, chirping out a “4:14!”
Ah, it’s almost time to head home.
The sun’s even lower now, barely shining through their window. It’s the best during winter, when it’s cold and Kimi can sprawl out beneath the glass, not having to worry about freezing outside in the sludgy remains of snow.
The sound of velcro ripping makes Kimi lift her head, resting her chin on her knees warily as she watches Ollie. She’s perched up on her grass-burnt knees, hovering over her backpack. A huge red and black lump so heavy that Kimi struggles to lift it sometimes. Kimi’s bag sits lopsided beside it, much smaller and a light shade of teal, covered in pins and keychains that threaten to stab her every time she tosses it to the floor.
Ollie’s carefully slotting her notebook away, into the little compartment she has to tear the aforementioned velcro to get to. It’s woken Kimi up enough times in the middle of the night to last her a lifetime, groaning at Ollie to just leave it on her desk instead of going through her bag and assaulting Kimi’s ears every time she wants to write something down.
Ollie treats the thing like it’s something precious, like it isn’t something Kimi got for 5 euros at the airport in Bologna 2 minutes before boarding her flight, overly worried about making a good impression on the Bearmans and their 16-year-old daughter. It’s been filled to the brim in only 18 months, full of poems and song lyrics and whatever else Ollie refuses to show her.
“You okay?”
Kimi blinks, realising she’s been lost in her thoughts. Ollie’s now sat in front of her, legs crossed and fingers playing around with the laces on her shoes. Her hair’s as messed up as Kimi thought it’d be, so she reaches out and smooths it for her, valiantly ignoring the way Ollie’s cheek leans into the palm of her hand.
“You’ll only be an hour away.” Kimi tries to smile, but she can tell by Ollie’s expression she’s done a pretty shit job. She tugs gently on a piece of hair that’s fallen into Ollie’s face, then tucks it behind an ear.
Ollie grabs her hand and intertwines their fingers, resting them on her lap. Her skirt feels rougher than Kimi’s, somehow. More worn, even though they bought their uniforms at the same time, tried them on in cubicles next to each other, Ollie’s mum right outside offering reassurances to Kimi, who’d never had to wear a uniform before.
Ollie walked out of her cubicle in an unbuttoned shirt to help Kimi with her tie, she’ll never forget it.
“I’ll visit a lot. And I’ll show you around London once I've gotten used to it.” Ollie grins, shaking Kimi’s hand up and down when she doesn’t return it. Kimi rolls her eyes, but smiles nonetheless. It’s hard not to give in with Ollie.
Ollie, with her doll-like features and pretty hair. A body that other girls would kill for, and clumsiness that doesn’t make her look dumb, just cute.
Kimi wants to kiss her. It’s a realisation that slightly haunts her, but she welcomes it nonetheless. She wants to cup her palm into the curve of Ollie’s cheek, wants to press her lips against hers, let Ollie chew on her lips instead of a pencil. It’d be nice, Kimi thinks. Ollie’s had boyfriends before, tall, dumb boys who would put their hands up her skirt and force Kimi out of their shared bedroom.
She has experience, at least more than Kimi does.
Her eyes dart out the window, catching the last few remaining droplets of sun on her skin. She bathes in it greedily, needing the strength to get through the rest of this conversation without football-tackling Ollie and kissing her breathless.
“Sounds good.” Her words are shaky, brimming with want and need and wondering desperately if they’re the same thing. She feels young, small. Younger than the seventeen she celebrated with Ollie’s family, with a huge cake and banners and even homemade pasta, not as good as her mamma’s, but appreciated so much more than they know.
“At least I’ll have my own place, we can do whatever we want.” Ollie attempts to cheer her up, squeezing her hand comfortingly. She smiles when Kimi eventually nods in reply, and it’s so sweet that Kimi’s suddenly biting back tears.
“I can cook you dinner.” She lets out a wet laugh, hand trembling between Ollie’s steady palms.
Ollie hums as she shifts closer, throwing her arm around Kimi’s shoulders and pulling her in, letting Kimi rest her head on her shoulder. Kimi’s hand finds its way to Ollie’s chest, grabbing the fabric over her heart and scrunching it in her fist, trying to time her breaths to match Ollie’s.
Silent tears spill down her cheeks, dripping off her skin and leaving little wet marks on Ollie’s shirt.
She usually tries to hold it together more in front of Ollie, but it’s just not in her nature. There’s this picture Kimi has of her as a toddler, clinging to her mamma with tears streaming down her face, her mouth open in what present-day Kimi can only imagine to be an ear-piercing scream.
She showed it to Ollie once, chuckling and saying I was a crybaby since birth, huh?
Ollie didn’t laugh like Kimi thought she would, just smiled softly with this look on her face, cradling Kimi’s phone in her hands, zoomed in on baby Kimi’s face. The same look she has whenever Kimi tries to play football with her, or when she messes up on a word, and Ollie softly corrects her. Fond, maybe. Kimi refuses to think of the alternative, the L word , even though that’s sorta what it looks like.
Sometimes Ollie will pull her into her lap, will smush her face into Kimi’s curls and say Don’t cry, or you’ll make me cry. And even if it’s a complete and total lie, it at least makes Kimi laugh, imagining Ollie in the same state as her. All smudged mascara and ruined concealer, a complete and total girl.
Ollie doesn’t say anything, even though Kimi’s definitely getting makeup all over her white uniform. She just keeps rubbing her shoulder, softly rocking the two of them back and forth. Kimi carefully counts her breaths until her shoulders are moving in time with Ollie’s, until she can no longer feel the jackrabbit pace of her heart. Only then does she separate enough to look up at Ollie through her wet eyelashes.
Ollie’s already there, gazing down at her with tender eyes and pouted lips, soaking in sympathy. Kimi ducks her head once more and wipes her face hurriedly, heat blooming in her cheeks.
“Sorry.” Her voice cracks, and she clears her throat with a slight laugh, trying to brush it off. Ollie's eyes soften, the warm brown twinkling faintly in the afternoon light. Her lips twitch, and there’s that look again.
“Don’t be dumb.” Ollie huffs, pulling her even closer. Kimi rolls her eyes but allows herself to be moved, tucking neatly into Ollie’s front, legs folded to her chest. Her skirt pools in her lap, its creases instantly being smoothed out by Kimi’s restless fingers.
Ollie’s legs bracket her, and she has to close her eyes and will herself not to freak out. Her shirt is soft against Kimi’s cheek, shifting up and down slightly with each breath she takes, in a way that makes Kimi suddenly hyper-aware of every inch of them that’s touching.
It makes her feel weird , like a schoolboy who’s gotten a glimpse at a girl's shoulder for the very first time. She’s not shy, really, just aware. Of Ollie. Of herself. Of the way she can feel the seam of Ollie’s bra, the black sports one she wears every day.
She swallows, eyes screwing shut tightly. This is normal, she reminds herself. Platonic. What friends do. Ollie’s chest continues to rise and fall. Steady, unbothered. Not plagued with thoughts of kissing her best friend.
She has to recite the alphabet backwards twice before she relaxes, her grip on Ollie’s shirt slowly loosening, sweat sticking to her palm uncomfortably. Her blood rushes in her ears, and she can feel her pulse thudding throughout her arms and legs.
She’s going to lose her mind.
“Ollie?” Her voice comes out muffled, like she’s underwater. It echoes in her head, melting into all the other anxious thoughts. Ollie’s eyes are already on her when she turns to look, though Kimi’s not sure she ever looked away in the first place.
Suddenly, Kimi feels tied to Ollie in a way she can’t explain. Intrinsically, like it’s been there forever, but she’s only becoming aware of it now. An invisible energy buzzes back and forth between the two of them. Kimi can feel it, like a spider sensing every small movement on her web.
Speak or die.
“I have to tell you something.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
The room is dark, no more sun coming in through the window, neither of them leave to turn the light on. Shadows fall gently over Ollie’s face, catching on the bridge of her nose, the slope of her cheeks, the cut of her jaw. Brave. Braver than Kimi.
Kimi takes a deep breath, mentally preparing herself to say—
“Sono innamorata di te.”
Kimi blinks, brain pausing for a long moment as she registers what just left Ollie’s lips.
“What?” She replies, defaulting to English. Ollie grins brilliantly, a small laugh escaping her. Kimi pushes herself away, frantically searching her mind for what to say, lips blubbering like a fish.
“ Sei un tale idiota! ” She rises on her knees and grabs Ollie by the cheeks, shaking her head back and forth. Ollie’s giggles fill the room, echoing through the empty space and bouncing back into Kimi’s ears.
“Did you just call me an idiot?” Ollie wraps her hands around Kimi’s wrists, trying to stop her from shaking her around like a bobblehead. Kimi pouts before she can stop herself, nodding helplessly.
“Yes! You stole my moment! Anch’io ti voglio bene! ” Kimi whines dramatically, falling forward and wrapping her arms around Ollie’s shoulders, shoving her face into Ollie’s neck. Ollie laughs softly, hugging Kimi close.
Her hands move over Kimi’s back with newfound vigour, exploring every bit of Kimi that she’ll let her, like she’s suddenly been given permission. Kimi scoffs at the idea. Ollie’s never needed permission for anything, especially not when it comes to Kimi. She’s everything, she can have everything, and she knows it.
She traces the knobs on Kimi’s back, up her spinal cord and all the way to her neck. Her hands are cold when she touches her skin, but Kimi doesn’t mind. She can touch her with cold fingers as much as she wants, so long as she continues touching her.
Her fingers twist into Kimi’s curls, pulling at them gently to make her lift her head. Kimi complies, blinking shyly as Ollie smiles at her.
Ollie’s hands move from Kimi’s hair to her cheeks, holding her gently as she does nothing but stare. She holds her like she’s something precious, like she’s something to be coveted. Her thumbs swipe back and forth under her eyes, tenderly wiping away the remnants of makeup.
“You’re so pretty,” she breathes out, brown eyes dancing across the span of Kimi’s face.
Kimi could cry again, almost does, in fact. There’s a warmth building in her chest, like she’s still lying under the sun. It radiates from her heart to her stomach, up her chest and into her throat. Down her arms, tingling pleasantly in her fingers. It’s Ollie, always been Ollie. She brings warmth to everyone around her, her family, her friends, the boys she’s dated. Now, Kimi gets to experience it first-hand, that warmth that people would kill for.
Kimi leans forward slowly, Ollie’s grip on her loosening the closer she gets. She lifts a hand and cups Ollie’s jaw, her palm fitting perfectly in the space, like it was made for her. Kimi uses her grip to turn her head just slightly, so she’s facing her cheek. Hesitantly, shyly, she presses her lips to the side of Ollie’s face.
Her lip gloss leaves a mark when she backs away, glittery against Ollie’s pale skin. It makes her laugh, wiping it away bashfully with her thumb. Ollie’s eyes follow her every movement, pretty pink blossoming on her cheeks as Kimi kisses her.
“You’re pretty, too,” Kimi whispers, wanting to say more but not knowing how. She wants to tell Ollie how beautiful she is, all the time. How Kimi’s been admiring her since she first stepped foot into England, when she first saw Ollie, holding up a cardboard sign with Kimi’s name on it, a little heart doodled beside it.
“Shut up, you’re too cute. I’ll die.” Ollie makes a strangled noise, leaning forward and pecking her on the nose, laughing when Kimi scrunches it up instinctively. Kimi grins, overwhelmed with love and affection and wondering desperately if they’re the same thing.
Kimi goes to reply, but gasps as the overhead light suddenly flickers to life, catching both of them off guard.
“What the hell? They must be activated by motion.” Ollie laughs, exposing the long expanse of her neck as she tilts her head upwards to look.
“Guess so.” Kimi doesn’t move her eyes, staring at Ollie instead. They’ve never hung around for this long after school, usually leaving at most an hour after the last bell rings. Guess they got distracted.
Ollie meets her eye once again, pink cheeks now highlighted even more by the light. There’s a bit of a sparkle on the cheek where Kimi kissed her, and Kimi snorts as she realises she’ll have to wash her face to get it off.
They linger in each other's space for a few more minutes, leaving tender kisses on every bit of skin they can reach. By the end of it, Kimi’s lip gloss is completely rubbed off, and her cheeks are as red as a tomato.
Their foreheads rest against each other, the oxygen between them mixing together as they breathe each other in. Their eyes blink slowly, trained on the other. Ollie nibbles on her bottom lip, eyelashes fluttering as she stares at Kimi.
Kimi smiles, suddenly certain of what she has to do.
She tilts her head and kisses her.
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From: Orsetto 🧸🩷
Your train leaves at 2:11, okay? Don’t miss it. :P
I’ll see you at 3:50 <3