Chapter Text
"I've been really ill and bedridden and I haven't found the strength to continue." Finn's brow beaded with sweat, and his skin was almost olive-drab against the white medbay sheets.
"You have to, buddy." Poe gripped Finn's hand. Finn's grip back was a shadow of his usual strength. "Please. You've been through so much and fought so hard. Don't let them win."
"I can't. I can't, Poe." Finn's drooping eyes found Poe's. The whites had a yellow-green tinge. "I've heard the med-droids. They say that they can't eradicate the infection with the tools they have. Even bacta won't touch it. It's a weaponized infection from the time of the Clone Wars."
Poe recalled from military history lessons the scourge of this disease. It was meant to take out enemy combatants, giving a long, lingering, painful death, sapping combat medical resources in caring for the afflicted and spreading through battlefield medic stations as the established infection became airborne, infecting other open wounds. The wounds never healed, the infection keeping them open to continue spreading. The scratch Finn had gotten was enough to let it in; had this been a normal injury it would barely have left a scar, but with this infection it was killing him.
The first few times the disease was used in battle it spread far further than the battlefield, decimating entire planetary populations before running out of people to infect and going dormant. The use of it had been banned on both sides on all civilized worlds for decades, and the known dead planets where it had been used were under strictest quarantine. History now had forgotten which side had created it, but it didn't matter. There was no cure.
"They're working on a cure now though," Poe said to Finn, keeping his voice bright and optimistic, not letting go of Finn's lax hand. "Fast as they can. They've stopped it from spreading to others except through direct blood-to-blood contact now, and that's a good sign. If they can control it, they can cure it!"
"I'm glad they kept this from spreading." Finn said, voice weak. "It'd be so much worse if anyone else got this from me. This was my mistake."
"No, Finn. I screwed up. If we hadn't landed at that dead planet, if I'd checked the archives better, if I'd warned you about that spine-shrub before you-"
Finn squeezed his hand. "Hey. No. Not your fault."
"I can't lose you to this. Or anything. I can't shoot this, Finn. I can't rescue you, I can't fly us away from this." Poe placed his other hand over Finn's, clasping it in both, willing his own strength and warmth into the too-chill skin. "It's all down to you. You're the one who needs to fight this fight."
"I have, Poe. But I can't any longer."
Poe shook his head. "But you're-"
"When I'm awake it's split between pain and numbness from drugs. When I'm asleep it's not really sleep, just nauseating terror I can't escape. Endless fevers, it's been getting worse every day. I can't even move now, and mentally this is the clearest I've been for weeks."
Poe smiled. "I know, but that's great! It's a great sign you're so awake and lucid right now. It must mean you're improving! That's why I don't get why-"
"Poe." Finn said, locking eyes with him. "I'm only this clear because I ordered the med-droid to get me fully clear-headed by any means possible, and then... give us some time alone. I wanted this last moment in private with you. So I could say this. So I could see you one last time."
Poe's heart went into free-fall. "What?"
"When this wears off.... Poe, I won't wake up again."
"No! What?! Why?!" The room swam around him and Poe could hear his heartbeat in his ears. "Why would you-!"
"Because I needed to say." The exhaustion in Finn's voice hurt to hear. "I need to say. It's not your fault. I don't want to go, I don't want to leave you-"
"Then don't! Please!"
"Let me- Poe, Let me say this. I love you."
"I know, I love you too! Don't leave me, please Finn!"
"No choice." Finn's gaze slipped back to staring up at the med bay ceiling, tears gathering at the corners. "I've fought, and the medical droids have fought, and it's not going to be enough. I won't survive this."
"You have to." Nothing made sense. "I can't, without you. I won't let you- Please!"
"The only good thing from this is maybe from my infection they will find a cure for it."
"Yes! Yes! They will find a cure!" Poe reached out and put his palm on Finn's chest. The faint wh-whum of Finn's heart under the flimsy med bay gown was barely tangible. That can't stop. That can't ever stop. "You just need to hang on long enough-"
"It's going to be years until a cure is developed, Poe, if they're lucky." Finn's voice was sad, flat, inevitable. "I'll be in a coma in less than an hour, and gone in a few days."
"You- No. No. I can't. I can't do this." Everything was spinning. This can't be real. I haven't had enough time with him yet. I need him, and if he isn't here, if he's gone, then I.... I...
"No," Poe said, standing.
Finn looked up at him blearily and sighed. "Poe-"
"No." The edges of everything seemed bright. "I'm not letting this take you from me."
Before he could think, Poe had his multi-tool out and was thumbing open the blade.
"Poe, what are you doing?"
Poe set the blade against the skin of his own palm. "Blood-to-blood transmission still works, right?"
"What? POE, NO!!" Finn's wrecked voice cracked as he shouted, arms straining to stop Poe, but he was too weak. His reaching hand grabbed the fabric of Poe's duty uniform at the hip and held tight, but it wasn't enough.
The sharp blade pulled across Poe's palm, followed by a bloom of blood. "Ah, kriff that stings."
"DROIDS! STOP HIM!" Finn collapsed back on the bed, putting all his energy into his hoarse shouting. Poe caught a glimpse of Finn's wide horrified eyes, holding the knowledge of what Poe was going to do but unable to stop him. Poe looked away.
Flipping back the diagnostic cover, Poe quickly peeled back the bandage over the scratch on Finn's shin. The site of the infection was surrounded by angry mahogany-toned fevered skin, and the wound oozed blood and clear yellow fluid.
"Sorry about this, buddy, but you're not going anywhere without me."
As gently but as quickly as he could, Poe placed his own bleeding palm directly against the open wound on Finn's shin.
Wheezing, Finn fought to regain his breath. "...Poe. Poe, what have you done?"
Poe felt a little giddy. He wasn't sure if it was the disease or the realization of how insane what he'd just done was. "Well, depending what planetary culture you're referencing, I've married you, or adopted you as a brother, or sealed a lifetime contract, or-"
"You cut your own hand and put it against my infected wound." Finn croaked, devestated. "You- Poe. Poe. You're going to get this disease too now. You'll die. Why?"
Quietly, with the hand not gripping Finn's fever-hot shin, Poe folded the knife blade back into his multi-tool and slid it back into his pocket. Every movement felt surreal.
"I can't save you, Finn. Gods I wish I could, but I can't. I also can't expect you to ke- keep trying to live in agony for my sake, just because I can't bear to let you go. I want you to live, more than anything, but it's selfish of me to ask you for that when you're in so much pain and have fought so hard. So, I'm following you."
"You're a bastard, Poe Dameron," Finn whispered.
"Still love me?" Poe tried to sound jocular, but his voice shook.
"I..."
"Please." Keeping his eyes closed, not willing to see what expression was on Finn's face. "I'm sorry. Please, Finn."
"Yes." Finn's voice was a weak breath now. "I... nothing you could do would... would ever..."
"Finn?" Poe glanced up the bed to meet Finn's drooping eyes, the man's strength fading fast. "Finn?!"
"I... goodbye Poe..." Finn's eyes slid shut. The grip he had held on the leg of Poe's trousers went slack, his hand dropping back to the bed.
"Finn..." Poe's legs felt suddenly weak and he sat abruptly in the chair next to the med bay bed.
Med droids entered and blatted alarms at the sight of Poe's bleeding hand still wrapped around the oozing wound on Finn's shin, the bandages cast aside. They pulled Poe's hand away, and he didn't resist. Poe didn't care anymore. He watched the faint rise and fall of Finn's chest as the droids scanned the both of them, feeling the weight of his choice settle on him just as inexorably as he felt the ache and exhaustion settle into his bones.
Droids and medical staff clustered around, but all Poe would see was Finn. Poe was glad BB8 wasn't here. Finn had said not to bring him, and now Poe knew why.
He couldn't hear the panic in the med bay anymore. A wave of painful heat swept through him, and it was suddenly impossible to keep his eyes open, but he fought for one more glimpse of Finn. Chest rising, chest falling.
It was a day before Finn passed out, Poe thought. This must take hold faster from a live infection than from spores. Maybe we'll go at the same time...
Poe's eyes slid closed and he drifted into the dark.