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Let Artemis be clear: she did not hang out with bad kids.
Strange kids, sure, but not bad. Her family had lots of branches that had ended up in jail or should have been, so she was sure to stay on the straight and narrow, which was why she was going to college in the first place. Meaning no drugs, no shoplifting, no midnight joyrides in borrowed cars (except the one time with her cousin Roy, who had gotten along with Wally and Dick swimmingly all the way up to a five-hundred-dollar bail that she was still holding over their heads), nothing… truly bad. Nothing college kids didn’t do anyways.
‘Social outcasts’ was the socially acceptable term. “Good thing we found each other before cults found us” was how Wally liked to put it, and while he grated on her last nerve a good portion of the time, she had to admit it fit. It fit well. They were a good group.
But if she wasn’t as alarmed as she should have been when she came to join them for lunch at the normal place and Dick greeted her with, “Artemis, back me up on this- Megan wouldn’t last a day in jail,” well… her entire life has been odd thus far. She had to learn to roll with the punches.
“Absolutely.” She said, taking her seat between Wally and Dick just because it was the most central and their bromance was annoying. (And it was an opportunity to annoy Wally. Bonus.)
“Ha!” He said, pointing at Zatanna. She couldn’t see his eyes behind his annoying sunglasses, but his face looked smug. Zatanna threw a bit of her gyro at him that bounced off his nose.
“Looks are deceiving.” She pronounced, like it was wiser than it sounded, and Artemis snorted.
“Are you serious? Look at her!”
“What about her?” Conner asked, frowning like there was something about his girlfriend he wasn’t clued in on, and Megan laughed and leaned back into him. Artemis felt a pang of jealousy, deep inside her, and she worked to squash it before it showed on her face. She wasn’t jealous of them, per say, just the way they fit together. Perfectly, like they had been made to meet each other. She had never met anyone, guy or girl, who fit into her imperfections like a puzzle piece the way they did with each other.
Maybe she needed to widen her search. Maybe if she didn’t want someone who used to be on the football team like Conner- so sue her, she liked a guy with muscles and a jaw of steel. Or maybe if she looked like Megan, on the cheerleading team, they’d come to her.
“Seriously?” Wally said, snorting loudly enough she glared at him. “Megan, babe, you’re amazing, but you’re not prison material. You’re like a princess. Not a warrior princess.”
This time Raquel snorted and elbowed Megan in the side. “You didn’t see her yesterday.”
“You said you wouldn’t mention that!” Megan squeaked, shoving her back, her cheeks turning red. “I was joking-“
“You were not.” Raquel said severely, then turned to the rest of them and dropped her voice. “New girl checked out Conner while we were walking, said, and I quote, ‘I'd like to get some of that’-“
Conner looked confused; Wally looked personally affronted. Artemis was willing to bet nobody had ever said that about him, or even thought it. He was wiry, the way that people who did soccer and track were required to look. Plus ridiculous freckles and bright red hair and a stomach and arms and such that nearly matched her own- in spite of how much he ate. Which pissed her off. To no end. Seriously, where the hell did it go?
“-And Megan looked ready to commit homicide. My girl was ready to kick some ass.” She nudged Megan again, who was kneading the front of her skirt with both hands and blushing furiously and looking, miraculously, close to what Raquel was describing. It looked more cute than threatening, though. Like a puppy baring its fangs. “So I don’t know. I wouldn’t count her out.”
“Shut up.” Megan grumbled, turning to hide her face in Conner’s shirt; now he looked amused, or maybe just happy that she was paying more attention to him than the rest of them. “She was being rude, but you’re still exaggerating.”
“I think it’s sweet.” Conner said- of course he would. “Also, you’ve never heard her when we’re watching TV. She threatens the directors with terrible fates when things go wrong.”
Megan laughed and hit him, too, and then did what she was best at: directed the conversation elsewhere. This time, her target was Dick, who was doing an admirable job staying out of the spotlight for once. “Why are none of you accusing him?” She said. “He’s so tiny. He wouldn’t last in prison as long as he likes to think.”
“Could we talk about something else?” Kaldur said from his spot next to Raquel. His voice sounded strained, though not overly so. It was his mom voice, Artemis thought. Nobody had appointed him to be their leader, reining in the louder members before things got messy, but he had taken up the mantle a long time ago. Artemis helped when she could, but sometimes it was so easy to tease him. Everything made him uncomfortable and it was really funny.
“You’re right.” She said, fighting down a smile when everyone turned to look at her in surprise. They were too easy. “Let’s talk about how long you’d last in prison. I’m guessing slightly longer than Megan, but less than all of the other guys. Thoughts?”
“Definitely.” Raquel agreed, her face mockingly serious. “Kaldur, you’d better not go to prison, because you won’t make it to parole for good behavior.”
Kaldur sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I would not be in jail in the first place.” He said, slightly giving up. “But if I did, I would last longer than Wally.”
“Dude!” Wally interjected. He looked betrayed. “You would not! I would so last the longest!”
“You would not!” Zatanna interjected, holding up her hands for silence that she immediately got. She looked so regal and she held herself so perfectly that when she wanted attention, she got it. Artemis was secretly convinced there was magic involved. And a tiny bit envious. “I have this all figured out, okay? Everyone shut up and listen.”
“We eagerly await your wisdom, Zatanna.” Dick said, mock-bowing. She hit him.
“Okay, shut up, here it goes…” She pointed at Conner. “He’d last longest because he’s built like a truck and has serious resting bitch-face…”
“Thank you?” Conner said hesitantly while Megan stifled laughter.
“You’re welcome. Conner would last the longest, next would be Dick because he makes strategic alliances and knows how to disappear in times of trouble…”
Artemis had to agree. He and Wally had had a prank war in freshman year, when they both had way too much energy and free time and money and no parental supervision. It had lasted for about a week. The reason for it lasting only a week, in spite of the pranks on both sides being duly impressive (including moving a bunch of Dick’s furniture to the roof and filling Wally’s car with chickens that she still had no idea how Dick had gotten a hold of) was that Wally was the only one was ever caught in the act- and therefore blamed for all the rest.
It was fine for the smaller ones, but then he was blamed for filling the boys shower with bubble bath and causing ‘property damage’ and was possibly facing suspension. Dick had talked with the principal and done something to make it go away. Personally, she suspected blackmail.
“-And then Kaldur, because while we all know he’s a big teddy bear, he's tall and has tattoos and that looks intimidating.” Zatanna continued, looking satisfied. “And then Wally.”
Wally groaned and thumped his head on the table as Dick patted his back comfortingly. “You all suck.” He grumbled, then brightened and pointed at Zatanna. “But! Of the girls, you’d last the least! Even less than Megan! People like Megan so they’ll protect her but you’d be on your own and you’re not scary like Raquel and Artemis!”
“Your point is moot. I wouldn’t be in prison at all because Daddy would get me out.” Zatanna batted his hand down, a smile on her face like he was embarrassing himself. “But are we at least all in agreement that Artemis would run any prison?”
“You’re damn right I would.” Artemis said, feeling a grin spread over her face. Hell yes. She wasn’t going to prison, ever, but that was one of the best compliments a girl could be given in her opinion. “Do I get to order Wally’s death?”
“Like hell we’d be at the same prison!” He retorted. “Besides, you’re prison boss, not emperor. It’s not the Colosseum.”
“Maybe it is in my prison.”
“Can I come to your prison?” Megan asked, sounding semi-hopeful. “Not for Wally getting killed, you know, but you guys are probably right. I’d like to be at your prison.”
Artemis rolled her eyes. “Chill, Megs, you’re not going to prison. Policemen would let you go the first time you asked.”
“Yeah.” Wally said, sounding too casual in that way that meant he was winding up for the pitch. “But, you know, if you do, you can come to my prison. I bet I could run fast enough to escape with you.”
“That didn’t even make sense.” Artemis said with a grin. Swing and a miss. It was amusing when Wally’s attempts swung so wide that neither Megan nor Conner seemed to realize he was flirting with her.
“Your face doesn’t make sense!”
“And the king of snappy comebacks reigns!” Dick threw his arms in the air like he was throwing confetti. Wally smacked him, loudly. Megan rolled her eyes and raised her eyebrows at Artemis, like she was seeing something there no one else was and wanted her to take notice. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it was. All she saw was Wally being an idiot, like usual.
“Whatever.” Wally proclaimed loudly. “You’re clearly the scariest person here, guy or girl. You win. What do you want as homage, future head capo?”
“Your sandwich.” Artemis said promptly, and yanked it out of his hands. “You ate mine yesterday, it’s only fair.”
“Because I’m a growing boy and I need it! And you don’t!” He said, snatching it back. And then, rewinding, he froze.
So did everyone else. It was kind of amusing, Artemis had to admit, and a little humbling, that her group of misfit friends appeared to actually fear her when they saw her fists clenching. Or maybe it was her face. Her face, unlike Megan’s, was made to show murder when it counted.
“If that was a weight reference,” she said, just to see what he did, “you have to the count of three to beg for mercy.”
Instead of begging, Wally took off at his top sprint.
Really, there was nothing else to do with that except take off after him.
“You are dead!”
“I swear, Art, it was a mistake, I didn’t mean it, you’re gorgeous-“
“Art? Are we at pet names to you, mister?”
She skidded as he changed direction; she nearly had his jacket, but then he spun out and she had to scramble to follow. “Great merciful Artemis, goddess of the hunt, please, think of the children! I have a family!”
She pulled out one of her father’s moves and swept his feet out from under him; he fell flat on his back, staring up at her in terror with his hands held up in surrender, and she put her hands on her hips and stared down at him expectantly. “Well?”
“I didn’t mean it.” He said, and his voice had dropped enough that it made her start. His eyes were staring straight into hers, bright intense green, and his voice sounded… sincere. Did he not realize she knew that? That she didn’t care? She didn’t need constant compliments like he liked to dish out to beautiful girls like Megan.
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Wally…”
“You’re beautiful.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “You want something.” She stated, trying to figure out his angle. “You know I’m not going to actually kill you, right?”
“I mean it.” He said earnestly, and he was turning such a nice shade of pink that some of his freckles were fading. Not that she noticed his freckles. Or paid them much attention. Especially not the ones around his mouth, and the ones that nearly disappeared when he smiled because he had dimples…
Someone booed from the table, loudly, and she whipped her head over and prayed she was scowling convincingly. They had the attention of everyone, naturally, and the booing was from Dick, who was giving her a thumbs-down.
“What? Did you actually want me to kill him?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have said no to some maiming-”
“Dude!” Wally said, sounding wounded.
“And also, get a room!”
“Dude!” Wally repeated, his voice an octave higher.
Artemis had no words. None. They had deserted her, and considering the laughter apparently her composure had too.
“Seriously, guys?” Wally continued, propping himself up on his elbows in her peripheral. (Stop looking at him.) “Seriously? What are we, in middle school?”
“You’re one to talk!” Artemis retorted. Her face felt like it was on fire. “I- I- You’re so immature you-“
“Me? Who says ‘you have three seconds’ anymore? What are we, in a bad movie?”
“Maybe!” She snapped, flustered, lost for words. Their laughter was grating against her ears, and for lack of a better thing to do to make it stop she turned and pointed at the group of them. “Next person to laugh or- or- or say anything will be the one to start my career as a murderer! I’ve done it for less!”
The group of them, miraculously, quieted, exchanging glances. Right when she hoped it would be dropped, though, Zatanna stood up from the table. With unusual solemnness, she leaned forward and kissed Dick on the mouth, a hand on either side of his face, long enough Artemis started to feel embarrassed for a whole new reason, and then pulled back.
“Goodbye, my love.” She said in mock seriousness, then turned to Wally and Artemis and pulled out her phone.
“I’m off to post pictures to the internet.”
And then she bolted toward the library, faster in her heels than Artemis would have thought possible.
One quick glance with Wally, and their previous disagreement dissipated. She helped him to his feet, and they took off after Zatanna in sync.
Megan and Conner and Raquel were laughing, Kaldur was trying to restore order, Dick was yelling something that might have been ‘bon voyage’ (he was next on her shit list), and Zatanna was proclaiming herself their wedding planner, but for the duration of the sprint, all she was really aware of and all that mattered was Wally’s breathless laughter beside her.
And how it meshed with her own in a cliché but completely natural way, and felt eerily like something she had been waiting to find.