Work Text:
Shiv storms into Nate’s pied-à-terre.
“Hey!” Nate rises from the armchair he’d been sitting in, scrolling on his phone. “I was beginning to worry you got lost,” he jokes, walking over to kiss Shiv, but she turns her face away. He frowns. “Everything okay?”
She looks at his luggage stashed in the corner of the room. He’d rushed here from the airport after a long work trip. Not home to his family, but here. To see her. Still, this knowledge does nothing to temper her anger.
“I met someone at the Whitaker fundraiser today. James Shannon. Ring a bell?”
“James?”
“He recently moved back from China. Said he was yours and Kendall’s ‘third wheel’ in Shanghai?”
“Oh, James, of course,” Nate scratches his ear.
“He had some interesting things to say.”
“Did he?”
“Oh, yeah,” Shiv laughs bitterly. “Very interesting.”
“Such as?”
Her lips tighten at his feigned ignorance.
“Did you and Kendall have a thing?”
“A thing?” Nate repeats.
“A…” Shiv tosses her hair back and pauses, “sexual thing.”
“What did James say?”
“Nothing outright but his tone, the things he left unsaid, it told me more than enough.”
“And you’re jumping to conclusions from that?”
“Why aren’t you denying it?”
“Shiv.”
“Well, did you? Did you and Kendall…” She stops, heart pounding.
Nate runs his hands through his hair. “Shiv, it was ages ago.”
“Oh my God.”
“It only happened twice. Back in Shanghai. The first time, I was drunk and –”
“He took advantage?”
“What? No. I was drunk and went for it.”
Shiv blinks. “You initiated?”
“I don’t understand why we’re talking about this.”
“You don’t understand why it might be worth mentioning you fucked my brother?”
“We didn’t fuck. Technically.”
“Oh, is this the part where we debate what the meaning of ‘is’ is?”
Nate drops his chin to his chest. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make things awkward.”
“Wow, that’s great, Nate. A-plus thinking! So, what, things ended with Ken, and you decided to try for better luck with another Roy?”
“What? No! It was nothing like that. It was never serious with Ken. It was for shits and giggles, a fucking lark. There’s no reason to worry or feel threatened –”
“Threatened?” Shiv yells. “By Ken? Fuck off! He’s nothing. A washout turned glorified housewife. What I am is disgusted. By both of you.”
Nate reaches out to Shiv. She jerks her hand back.
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Shiv, please.” He steps closer but keeps his hands to his sides. “You know I’m crazy about you. It’s like you said. Ken, he’s nothing. But you? You’re all I’ve ever wanted. You must know that by now. For better or worse. To throw it all away…” Nate shakes his head. “It doesn’t make sense but, hey, it’s your call. If you want to end things between us again, right here and now, we can.”
Shiv bites her lip at the wave of tangled emotions that washes over her.
“I’ll go back home to my family, you go home to yours,” Nate continues. “But we both know you’ll be miserable.”
She spares him another long look before turning to leave the apartment.
****
Shiv is a few blocks away from her building when she asks her driver to reroute. She enters another high rise, nodding at the concierge as he picks up the phone to let her brother know he has a visitor.
Her need to lash out only grows when she walks into the condo to see Kendall and Stewy huddled close together in their kitchen, whispering and giddy with laughter. How fucking domestic.
Kendall finally notices her barreling towards them. “Yo! What’s up?”
“I just saw Nate.”
“Oh, is he alright?” Kendall asks in concern at Shiv’s clear agitation.
She turns to Stewy.
“Apparently, Ken and Nate ‘technically’ didn’t fuck.”
Stewy grimaces. “We don’t speak of Ken’s flop eras in this house.”
“You knew?” Shiv purses her lips in frustration. “You’re fine with it?”
“He was thousands of miles away, and I’d revoked his sex privileges. Desperate times. And he obviously saw the error of his ways.” Stewy winds an arm around Kendall’s waist. “It’s old news. But I appreciate you coming all this way to make sure I was in the know.”
Shiv looks back at Kendall. “This is so fucking gross! You let me date him! Why didn’t you –”
“Out myself? Out Nate?” Ken snorts. “Why is it even an issue at this point?”
An image of Kendall and Nate suddenly flashes in her mind. Shiv shudders. “The two of you together…what would possess you…it’s sickening!”
“Wait,” Kendall frowns. “Are you sleeping with him? Is that why you’re so upset? Are you cheating on Tom with Nate?!” He laughs. “Holy shit.”
“One person’s flop is another’s upgrade,” Stewy smirks.
Their blasé attitudes are infuriating. “This isn’t fucking funny!”
“I mean…” Stewy trails off at Shiv’s glare.
“Shiv, it didn’t mean anything. We were just…”
“You were just what?”
Kendall shrugs. “I don’t know. Horny, I guess. Looking for an easy way to get off.”
“Oh God,” Shiv’s lips twist in disgust.
“It was a lifetime ago. He’s married and has a new baby for fuck’s sake.”
“You really couldn’t find a way to warn me off? Or was the chance to make me look like a fucking idiot just too tempting?”
“Shiv. You’re being ridiculous.”
“Fuck you.”
“You liked him. He’s a good dude. You seemed happy. I left it alone.”
“Because you’ve always cared so much about my happiness.”
“What do you want me to do, Shiv?” Kendall crosses his arms. “It happened.”
“But,” Stewy draws out the word, “you can pretend it didn’t. It’s shockingly easy. If you didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.”
“I can’t,” Shiv says over the lump in her throat.
“Let’s sit down. You want a drink to take the edge off?” Kendall asks.
Shiv shakes her head and backs away. “I can’t,” she says again, turning to walk to the front door.
“Shiv. Shiv!”
She ignores Kendall calling after her and hurries back outside, hand on her stomach, gasping for fresh air. She rushes back to her car and has her driver take her home.
When she gets back, she nearly runs into her nanny.
“Oh! Ms. Roy. I didn’t realize you were coming back tonight. I just put Charlie down. I would’ve kept him up longer for you to say goodnight if I’d known.”
Shiv waves her off. “It’s fine.” She walks past Mondale’s enclosure and shuts herself in her bedroom to think and not think in turns. After a late dinner alone, she takes a long shower before returning to her room and climbing into bed.
She closes her eyes and tries to will herself to fall asleep in the quiet and stillness of the room, but her mind won’t stop churning. All she can think about is Nate. Her Nate with his easy smile turned on Kendall. Him reaching out for Kendall, eyes bright and shiny the way they get when he’s drunk. She feels the ghost of his lips as she imagines him kissing Kendall. Did he kiss him the same way he kisses her? Look at Kendall in the same reverent way? Was he as gentle in his touch, as eager to please? Does he still think of her brother? Compare them?
She sits up in bed and sucks in a deep breath. She digs the heels of her hands into her eyes, jaw clenched, a sour taste in her mouth. Fucking Kendall and his ability to ruin everything, to make it all about himself. She hates it.
She swings her legs over the edge of the bed and gets up to get dressed. She grabs her phone, calls her driver, and finally opens the long thread of messages she’s ignored all night. She sends one short reply.
****
She unlocks the door to the pre-war apartment a second time. It’s quiet and empty now in the wee hours of the night. She drifts around the apartment. Memories of fucking, lovemaking, come to her as she passes through each room. When she returns to the main room, she sits on an ottoman in the dark. She waits with her head in her hands, thinking about the lightness and freedom she’d felt in this small apartment, regretting now how much she’d taken this sanctuary for granted.
“Hey.”
She looks up to see Nate standing in the doorway, backlit by the corridor lights.
“Hey,” she says faintly, the word curdling in her mouth. He smiles at her and she feels like crying. “I’m glad you came.”