Work Text:
No where in the galaxy is a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
The Mos Eisley cantina was filled with dozens of aliens having conversations in hushed tones while a band of Rodians played a song called, "Life is a laser blast and I am a gun." Zuckuss sat in the corner hating the electric keyboard heavy song with every fiber of his being. He let out a deep sign and leaned back in his chair. He didn't even know why he was here, sure things were tough since the fall of the Republic but he was young and with a bright future working in his uncle's freighter repair shop, sure he owed money to some questionable folks but this is Tatoine, who doesn't? But before he could completely get lost in his own thoughts a tall thin hooded figure entered the cantina and sat next to him.
"Hey kid, is this sit taken?", the words escaped from behind the hood, Zuckuss thought it sounded as if the stranger had a sort of modulator distorting his voice.
"Nope", he stammered "I mean, no one is sitting there. I mean, you can sit there if you want.", he paused, "and I think you do. So yes. You can sit. Here." He searched the shadows under the hood for any hit of a face, he could see nothing more than the reflection of what he thought were goggles. "Yep. All good, all yours." Zuckuss trailed off hoping he didn't sound as afraid as he felt.
"If I was here to shoot you why would I ask for permission to sit down?", the stranger asked. Before he could answer the Geonosian two tables over kicked his filthy Astromech droid while yelling curse words in its native tounge. The droid emitted a long and and high pitched whine.
"That's no way to treat a droid." The stranger said without looking in the bug creatures direction. The Geonosian paused for a moment before giving the droid another kick, harder than the one before.
"Mind your business." He responded, his voice cold. Several of the cantinas patrons calmly picked up their drinks and moved to the other side of the room.
"Hey, what are you doing?", Zuckuss asked the stranger in a tone he was sure was a whisper but definitely was not, "Those guys are trouble."
"There is a very real possibility that I am as well."
"That your a Geonosian?", Zuckuss asked with a furrowed brow.
"What?"
"What?!"
"You said you were also what they are!", Zuckuss nearly yelled. The stranger stared at him for a moment before blurting out his response.
"I meant I'm also trouble! I thought that was obvious!" The stranger said, flustered. "I was trying to be dramatic. You know, impress the locals and give them a story to tell."
"Oh.", Zuckuss answered, "Sorry."
"Keep it down over there!", the Geonosian said, "I'm busy and I don't want to be distracted!", he kicked the droid a third time, the Astromech made a series of noises that sounded similar to that of a crying child.
"Excuse me a moment," the stranger said to Zuckuss before turning his focus, "I won't say this again. Stop. Kicking. The Droid." More patrons moved away but Zuckuss noticed two other Geonosian began to move toward them. He wondered if he was ever make it out of this place alive.
"It's pain receptors are off, I can do as I please." Zuckuss could see the bug creatures hands were starting to slide under the table, any moment now laser blasts were going to fill the air.
"That's interesting,", the stranger responded, "I had mine turned off years ago." And in an instant he lunged at the bug creature revealing a metal hand that trapped the much smaller bugs hand against the table, it let out a loud screeching noise.
"I see your pain receptors work just fine." Zuckuss watched in awe as the robe fell away from the stranger revealing a cobolt blue protocol robot body with a head that could only be described as insect like. The second Geonosian charged at the Stranger while drawing a pistol, before he could line up a shot the Stranger fired two shots into the middle of it's chest. Instantly it crumbled to the ground and the the gun fell from his hands bouncing across the floor and sliding under the table, right next to Zuckuss who had just then decided under the table was safest place to be.
"You know what your problem is, pal?" The Stranger asked the Geonosian as it struggled to free it's hands.
"You filthy droids are my only problem 4-Lom!", he growled.
"Actually, your biggest problem is that your worth just as much dead as alive.", he answered in a level tone before calmly firing a single blast into the bugs chest and letting the body free from his hold letting it crash into the floor. That's when he heard a battle cry from behind him.
Before 4-Lom could react a third Geonosian charged at him with an electric baton mere feet behind him and closing fast, he braced for the impact.
That's when he heard a single laser blast. He watched as the now headless Geonosian slumped to the floor and Zuckuss slowly emerged from under the table.
The Astromech extended two long and thin claws and grabbed at 4-Lom and Zuckuss, he was trying to drag them to the exit.
"He's right. We should go.", 4-Lom said.
"I think I killed a guy!?" Zuckuss said with panic in his voice
"Oh boy ", 4-Lom answered, "Yep, l think so, most of the time brain explosion kills a guy."
"Maybe he's okay!? Can we double check?!"
"Ok sure. I'm looking and yep his head is still missing. Don't think he's going to walk this off", while 4-Lom spoke the body twitched.
"He's moving!"
"Well yes and no." 4-Lom answered while the patrons of the cantina started to move in, he wasn't sure what would happen next and he didn't want to find out, "Let's talk about this outside, sound good?" Zuckuss stared at him with wide panic filled eyes, "I'm going to take that as as yes." And with that the Astromech and 4-Lom dragged him outside. As they got outside Zuckuss fainted.
Zuckuss awoke to a rumbling noise. He opened his eyes slowly allowing his mind a chance to focus. At first all he could see was grey and then two shapes near him, one tall and seated and other short, neon colored and short. Just then he sat upright with a bolt.
"I shot a guy!" Zuckuss yelled as he looked around.
"And I'm on a spaceship!", he cried, "In Space!"
The freshly cleaned Astromech made a series of cheerful beeps.
"Hey! You're three for three!" 4-Lom answered joyfully. "You're really good at knowing where you are and shooting people."
"Wait! Take me home!"
"Eventually, sure." 4-Lom said casually, "But we have a bounty to collect and split three ways. A third to me, a third to our Astromech friend R87 and a third to you...." He voiced trailed off, "What is your name anyway?"
"I need to go home!" Zuckuss yelled
"And Ineedtogaome!" 4-Lom responded.
"That's not my name!", Zuckuss yelled, again.
"Are you sure?", the Android answered, "It kinda suits you."
R87 lite up in a rainbow of neon colors and a series of cheerful beeps as the ship jumped to light sped. Zuckuss screamed.
