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He knows that he shouldn’t be jealous, he really does.
Steve is happy. Bucky is alive, and well, and becoming less and less murderous by the day, which makes Steve even more happy.
So… Tony should be happy for Steve, right?
And he is. He really, truly, honestly, is very happy for Steve. He just… wishes that maybe Steve could remember that Tony… exists.
You know, even if it’s just occasionally.
He straightened his time in the mirror and gave himself a critical look, before he sighed heavily. Time for another night of schmoozing and pretending that he didn’t want to repulsor people in the face every time they touched him. He should be used to this—he’d spent most of his life in similar situations—but he’d gotten so used to having Steve at his side to make it better, that he was really dreading the event.
“You look good.”
Natasha’s voice was full of fondness, and Tony smiled at her in the mirror as she came up beside him.
“And you look beautiful,” he replied.
“Where’s Steve? Shouldn’t he be getting ready to go?”
Tony swallowed hard and then shook his head. “I’m pretty sure that he’s not coming, since he and Barnes went out for pizza about forty-five minutes ago.”
Natasha blinked, and then frowned. “But… he knew about the Gala.”
Shrugging, Tony turned his head to look at her. “It’s fine. You’ll be there, and Pep’s gonna be there.”
“ Steve should be there,” Natasha replied. “I know that he’s been busy with Barnes, but… when was the last time you actually saw him?”
“Yesterday, at breakfast,” Tony said promptly, stepping away from the mirror as he fastened his watch around his wrist.
“You mean yesterday when he barely even said good morning to you, because he was too busy talking to Barnes about the ‘good old days’?”
“Yep. Then.”
Natasha narrowed her eyes at him for a moment. “Jarvis? When was the last time that Steve sought Tony out himself?”
“Twenty four days ago, Agent Romanoff,” Jarvis replied, and they could both hear the coolness in the AI’s voice.
“And what was that for, Jarvis?” Natasha pushed.
Tony sighed and looked away as Jarvis replied, “He was requesting a timeline on when Sir would be free to take a look at Mr Barnes’ arm.”
“Tony,” Natasha sighed. “This… it’s not right. Have you tried to speak to him about it?”
“And say what?” Tony asked, his tone as defeated as he felt. “I know that you’ve just been reunited with your best friend who you thought was dead, but pay attention to me immediately?”
“In a word, yes. He needs to realise that just because Barnes is here, that doesn’t mean that he can forget the relationships he’s built and committed to in the time since he woke up.”
Tony just shook his head and offered her his arm, his media smile firmly fixing itself on his face. “I’m a big boy, Nat. I don’t need Steve to be around all of the time to make me feel secure.”
The expression on her face before she linked her arm with his told Tony that she didn’t believe him in the slightest.
He always knew that she was smart.
…
Smarmy laughter, glasses clinking, loud exclamations and a whole lot of arse kissing meant that the Gala was going well. Tony moved from group to group, charming them, parting them from their money with a well practiced ease.
Everything was fine… until it wasn’t.
“Why is it always us?” Tony complained to Natasha, when Shield finally arrived to take the bad-guy of the week into custody.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, checking him over with a critical eye.
“Fine,” Tony replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Whatever he zapped me with was clearly an utter failure. I don’t feel any different.”
Natasha nodded slowly. “Just… keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary, okay? We have no idea what he was working on, or with.”
“Course,” Tony agreed. “Can we just… go home. I’m so done.”
“Sure, Tony.”
Happy was waiting for them with the car, and Tony climbed into the back seat behind Natasha, leaning his head against her as Happy set off. She ran her fingers through his hair gently.
Even when the villains weren’t particularly hard to defeat, Tony always needed a little comfort after a fight. Not that he would ever admit as much out loud, but she was perceptive.
She silently cursed Steve in her head as they made their way back to the Tower. She was worried about whatever that Ray-Gun had been, and she knew that Steve would have been able to convince Tony to let someone stay with him, just in case there was a delayed reaction.
Instead, when they climbed into the elevator, she wasn’t even slightly surprised when Tony had Jarvis drop him off at the lab before Nat continued up to the Avengers communal floor.
“Steve will be worried, you should come up and let him see that you’re okay,” she tried, even though she knew that it was pointless.
Tony smiled sadly and shook his head. “Sleep well, Tasha,” he murmured, turning away as the doors closed.
Shedding his jacket and tie, Tony discarded them to a nearby chair, and then undid the top two buttons on his shirt. Pushing his sleeves up, he perched himself on his favoured work stool.
“Gimme whatever we were working on last, J.”
His state of mind must have been obvious even to his AI, because Jarvis didn’t argue with him. He simply pulled up the blue holo-screens and stayed silent.
Tony worked for a while, sinking into the schematics. He could feel an… odd sensation in his limbs, and he swayed slightly.
“Sir—”
“J, I don’t… I don’t feel so good.”
“Sir!” Jarvis shouted, when Tony swayed again, and then collapsed to the floor from his stool.
…
Natasha rode the elevator up to the communal floor and stepped out into the living area. Clint and Bruce looked her way immediately.
“Everything okay?” Clint asked. “You and Tony are both fine?”
Natasha nodded, her head tilting slightly as she stared at Steve and Bucky on the sofa. Steve had a pinched look on his face, which told her that he was worried, and yet… he hadn’t been the one to ask.
“I’m fine,” she said, when Clint walked over to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to guide her deeper into the room. Focusing her attention on Bruce, she added, “Tony got zapped with some kind of Ray-Gun looking thing. Nothing happened, and he said that he felt fine, but… keep an eye on him for the next few days, okay? Just in case.”
Bruce nodded, looking between Natasha and Steve for a moment. He scowled suddenly, and she patted his shoulder. “I know.”
“It’s not right, Nat.”
“I know that, too.”
“What’s not right?” Steve asked, frowning at them, clear that he’d missed something, but unsure what.
“If you need to ask, then you really do need to get a better handle on your priorities,” Clint said, shaking his head. “Because even I know what’s up.”
Steve looked between them all, clearly annoyed. “Will someone just tell me what’s going on? I can’t fix something if I don’t know what the problem is.”
“When was the last time that you saw Tony, Steve?” Natasha asked, her voice practically dripping with disdain.
“I saw him yesterday, at breakfast,” Steve replied. “Why? Is there something wrong with him?”
“When was the last time you saw Tony for more than five minutes?” she asked, tilting her head slightly.
“I… it was… I don’t know… a few days ago? I’ve been busy, Nat.”
“The last time you spent more than five minutes with Tony was twenty four days ago, and the only reason you saw him then was to ask him when he would be able to work on Barnes’ arm,” she corrected him. “I get that you need to help your friend, and I even understand that you want to spend lots of time with him, but to completely neglect your partner to do that is cruel, Steve. Especially when that partner is Tony, and you know that his issues have issues.”
Before Steve could argue, and really, Natasha was very interested to know just how he planned to defend himself, Jarvis spoke.
“Agent Romanoff, Dr Banner, there’s a situation in the lab. If I might ask you to enter the elevator immediately?”
Natasha and Bruce shot to their feet and quickly made their way to the elevator, not even thinking to stop and question the AI. If he said there was a ‘situation’, that meant that something was wrong with Tony.
“What’s wrong?” Steve asked.
Jarvis’ muteness as the door slid closed spoke volumes.
…
The doors opened to the lab, and Natasha stepped out first, freezing when she laid her eyes on Tony. Bruce followed her out, walking into her back.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, peering over her shoulder. “Oh, my god.”
“Jarvis?” Natasha asked, her voice little more than a whisper.
“It would appear that whatever the Ray-Gun contained earlier this evening has finally had its intended effect.”
The sound of Jarvis’ voice alerted Tony to his visitors, and he turned his head to look at them. He was trembling slightly, and his eyes were filled with unshed tears, his lower lips wobbling adorably.
“Oh, Tones, don’t cry, sweetheart,” Natasha murmured, moving forwards slowly. She knelt down beside him, stroking her thumb across his cheek. “You’ll be okay.”
Tony seemed to hesitate for a moment before he reached for her, making grabby motions with his fists. Natasha looked back at Bruce, who nodded encouragingly at her, and she gently lifted their friend into her arms. He immediately snuggled into her embrace, his head against her shoulder.
“Well, shit,” Natasha murmured, looking helplessly at Bruce. “What the hell are we supposed to do with a toddler?”
…
In the living room, Steve pressed Jarvis for information a few more times, sighing frustratedly when the AI continued to ignore his questions.
“What’s… what’s going on, Stevie?” Bucky asked, biting at his bottom lip. “Natasha said… Tony’s your partner ?”
“I,” Steve paused, and then ran a hand through his hair. “Tony and I have been in a relationship for… over a year before you got here.”
Clint snorted, shaking his head. He left the room when Steve glared at him, muttering to himself the whole way about idiotic Super Soldiers.
“Did you… break up with him because of me?”
“We haven’t broken up,” Steve replied. “I just… I guess I lost track of time? I don’t know, Buck. I got caught up in helping you, and having you back, and I just…”
“What the hell, Steve?” Bucky asked, whacking his arm. “I’ve been here for over a month !”
“I know! I know that I messed up, okay? I just… having you back, it was like being back before the ice. At first, I thought that it would be okay, I could just explain to Tony that you needed me at the moment, but then more days passed, and I just… didn’t, I guess.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t kick you out on your ass,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “You can be a bloody idiot, Steve.”
“I… you’re not wrong. I’ll talk to him.”
“I’d recommend starting with diamonds, and working your way up from there.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “Tony… I know that you don’t really know him yet, but… it’s so easy for me to get caught up in him. He’s brilliant, you know? And when he focuses on you, it’s just… it’s amazing. And I didn’t want to get caught up in him, in case you needed me. I fucked up, Buck.”
“I’m still saying go with diamonds.”
The doors to the elevator opened, and Natasha stepped out, a little boy nestled comfortably in her arms.
“Where’s Clint gone?” she asked, looking around the room, as though expecting him to jump out from somewhere.
In her defence, it wouldn’t have been the first time.
Bucky waved his arm towards the kitchen. “He went that way. Where’d the kid come from?”
Steve’s face was paling by the second. “Nat? Nat, is that…?”
She walked past them into the kitchen, Steve hot on her heels. Clint was by the coffee maker, and his eyes widened when he saw the child in Natasha’s arms.
“Well. I guess we know what the Ray-Gun thing was intended for, huh?”
“Jarvis is letting Fury know, but for now, we need some supplies. Jarvis has an order already coming in tomorrow, but for now, he needs at least a couple of outfits, nappies, and a pacifier, just in case. Can you head down to the superstore and pick up a few things for him?”
“Yeah, of course,” Clint replied. “Do we have an approximate age for him?”
“Jarvis did a scan on him, and he said that we could go with eighteen to twenty four months.”
Clint nodded, looking thoughtful. “I’ll pick up some baby snacks for him as well, then. He might not like much ‘normal’ food just yet.”
Natasha smiled. “Thanks, Clint.”
“Nat,” Steve murmured. “Please? I know that I messed up. I’ll fix it, just… please tell me what’s going on?”
She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, and then sighed. “The fight at the Gala. The guy zapped Tony with some sort of Ray-Gun, but we didn’t think that it had done anything, since Tony felt fine when we left. Clearly, we were very wrong about that. Jarvis said he didn’t feel good, and then he collapsed, and then he was a toddler.”
She looked down at the child in her arms. He was looking up at her silently, his little hand gripping at the neck edge of her t-shirt. She’d wrapped him in a blanket before leaving the lab, but he was still trembling a little in her arms.
She led the way back into the living room, and sat down in the armchair, wrapping the blanket tighter around Tony, as she held him close, rocking him slightly, almost instinctively.
“He’s adorable,” Bucky whispered, his eyes on Tony.
Steve chuckled despite himself. “He’s always had a weakness for babies,” he explained to Natasha. “And small animals.”
They all watched as Tony’s eyelids dropped, though his clinging grip on Natasha’s shirt never faltered. He fell asleep within minutes, and Natasha slowed her rocking to a stop.
“He was exhausted anyway,” she murmured, when she saw the surprised expression on Steve’s face. “This little body can’t take the same abuse the way his adult self can.”
Steve winced, though he nodded. “Can I… can I hold him?”
“Can you pick him up without waking him up?” she asked, arching her eyebrow at him.
Steve took one look at the hand that was still gripping Natasha’s shirt, and slumped back in his seat.
“We don’t know how long this is going to last, Steve, but I’m sure that you’ll have an opportunity to hold him before he turns back into an adult.”
Steve nodded, and they fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence until Clint returned, bags hanging off his arms. Nat stared at him for a long moment before she chuckled.
“I, uh… I might have gone a bit overboard?” Clint offered, dropping the bags to the floor in the middle of the lounge.
Dropping to his knees, he opened the bags one by one. First, he pulled out the necessities of nappies, snack foods, wipes, and a pack of three pacifiers.
Moving onto the next bag, he pulled a pile of rompers and vests out. “They were all adorable,” he muttered, in his own defence. He showed them one by one, and smirked smugly when Bucky cooed at every single one of them.
Even Natasha smiled when she saw the Iron Man romper.
From the remaining bags, he pulled a teddy, a blanket, and a bunch of toys, glaring at his teammates as if he was daring them to make a comment.
Natasha glanced down at Tony. “I don’t want to wake him, but I also don’t want him to pee all over me,” she said, softly. “So, I think I’m going to have to disturb him.”
Clint shuffled over and carefully pulled Tony’s hand from Natasha’s shirt. He lifted Tony expertly, and laid him on the floor, all without waking him up. Natasha raised her eyebrows, impressed.
Clint put a nappy on Tony, and then easily got him into the Iron Man romper, and swaddled him in his new blanket.
“That… was fucking impressive,” Bucky said, his eyes wide as he stared at the still sleeping toddler.
Clint grinned and then offered the newly wrapped Tony back to Natasha. She moved to take him, and then sighed, nodding her head to Steve, who was watching with longing in his eyes.
“Give him to Steve,” she murmured. “I’m going to go and make my bed a little more child friendly. Pillows on either side should keep him in place, right?”
Clint nodded. “Put him wall-side, and you sleep on the other side. You’re a light enough sleeper that he won’t get anywhere without waking you up.”
She nodded, and then left the room as Clint carefully passed Tony over to Steve. The little boy looked even smaller, dwarfed as he was by Steve’s muscled arms, and Clint murmured to Jarvis to take a photo of the scene with the security cameras.
While he was as pissed at Steve as Natasha and Bruce were, he knew that Steve wasn’t a bad person. He suspected the others knew that too, and Clint could understand getting so wrapped up in one thing that everything else fell to the wayside.
Bucky leant over slightly so that he had a better view of Tony, and practically melted. Who knew that the Winter Soldier could be thawed out by a baby?
…
Natasha woke up to a quiet whimper. She glanced around the room looking for a thread before she shuffled across the bed to check on Tony. He was awake, chewing on his thumb, but there were tears in his eyes and the poor kid just looked miserable.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asked, though she didn’t expect an answer. She sat up and pulled him into her lap, running a hand under his bum to see if he’d wet through the nappy.
He hadn’t.
“Jarvis, what time is it?”
“The time is seven twenty-one am, Agent Romanoff.”
She nodded, sitting Tony back against the headboard for a moment. She pulled pillows around him so that he wouldn’t fall, and climbed out of bed, grabbing a hoodie to go over the tank top she’d worn to bed.
Sportswear wasn’t something she typically wore unless she was going to the gym, but she figured that it was probably easiest, at least until she could hand Tony over to someone else so that she could properly get herself ready for the day.
She grabbed a clean nappy and a fresh romper from the pile Clint had bought, and returned to the bed, stripping Tony quickly and tickling his belly.
He giggled around his thumb, and she couldn’t help but laugh along with him, as cute as he was.
When she had him dressed again, she placed Tony on the floor and asked Jarvis to keep an eye on him while she was in the bathroom. She was sure that there was nothing on floor level that he could hurt himself with, but it didn’t hurt to have Jarvis on alert.
She was surprised, when she came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, to see that Tony was exactly where she’d left him. She’d always thought that Tony had to have been a curious child, given how he was as an adult.
She picked him up and made her way to the communal floor, where Clint, Steve and Bucky were all already in the kitchen, joined by Sam, and Rhodes.
“Jesus, he’s cute,” Rhodes said, when Natasha came into view. “What happened to turn that little angel into the holy terror he is now?”
Natasha laughed, and passed Tony off to the waiting Rhodes, who immediately started babbling nonsense at the toddler, and tickled him until he was laughing up a storm.
“Clint?” she asked, looking at the baby snacks he’d picked up. “Help?”
“Thinks that he can pick up for himself,” Clint said, throwing a slice of bread into the toaster. “Fruit, a packet of those little biscuits there, a slice of toast, and fill one of the bottles with the apple juice I got for him.”
Natasha nodded, and within minutes, they had a little plate set up for Tony, along with a bottle. She took it to the table, and took Tony from Rhodes, settling him on her lap within reach of the plate.
With encouragement, Tony helped himself to the food, chewing away quietly while the adults talking around him.
“The order Jarvis put in should be here within the next hour,” Clint told her. “And Bruce has started analysing the Ray-Gun that Fury sent over first thing. Fury is also trying to get in touch with Strange, in case they can’t figure out a cure, or get one out of the arsehole who did this to him.”
“Has Pepper been informed?” Natasha asked, handing Tony the bottle of juice.
Rhodes nodded. “Jarvis let us both know last night. Pep will be here later.”
Natasha smiled, and looked down at Tony, who was still munching away happily. The others continued talking amongst themselves, but she paid them no mind.
She’d never really had much of a maternal instinct, and she’d never wanted kids of her own, but… just for now, she allowed herself to enjoy the weight of him on her lap, and she allowed herself to smile at him, when he looked up at her with bright eyes and a shy smile of his own.
She wondered if, perhaps, it was because she knew that this child was Tony; her Tony.
She didn’t claim many people, but when she did claim them as hers, she’d do just about anything for them. She’d claimed Tony when she’d realised just how badly she’d messed up his initial personality profile for Fury.
He was nothing like she’d said he was. Tony was a misunderstood, lonely man, with a million masks that were fortified enough that they’d fooled even her for a while.
By the time Tony had finished eating, the supplies Jarvis had ordered had arrived, and along with Clint, they got him set up in the living area in a play pen with a few toys while they sorted out the rest of the items.
He played quietly, amusing himself happily enough while they worked, and by the time Pepper arrived a few hours later, it was to find the living room filled with toddler things, and the Avengers all sitting on the floor with Tony, building bricks all around them.
…
They fell into a pattern over the following days. Tony slept in Natasha’s room at night, snuggled up in a small cot at the side of her bed.
During the day, Bucky would often be the one to feed him, since Tony was obsessed with his shiny metal arm. Clint would play with him for hours, and Steve and Natasha were always on hand when he was tired, or if he just wanted a cuddle.
Natasha was his favourite, though.
He’d toddle about after her whenever she was in the room, making grabby hands and whimpering around his pacifier whenever she left him with someone else.
Natasha assured Steve that it was likely just because she was a woman, but none of them believed her. When Pepper was around, Tony was just as likely to go to one of the men over her.
Tony had been a toddler for six days before they finally made any progress. Bruce had, over the week, managed to reverse the Ray-Gun’s power. He’d tested it as thoroughly as he could, before he’d managed to stumble his way up to the communal floor from his workshop near Tony’s.
He was exhausted, but pleased, and he nodded to Natasha when her eyes fell on the Ray-Gun.
“You’re sure?” she asked, looking down at the sleeping child in her arms. He’d fallen asleep halfway through Aladdin.
“Positive,” Bruce replied. “I wouldn’t take a chance on it, if I wasn’t.”
Natasha nodded. “I know. I’m sorry, Bruce. I just… he doesn’t deserve any more pain, you know?”
He smiled. “I get it. Can you put him on the floor, just while I zap him? It should take roughly about the same amount of time to work as it did to change him the first time.”
Natasha swallowed hard, pressing a kiss to Tony’s temple before she did as he asked. Clint, Steve, and Bucky arrived just in time to see the blue light enveloping Tony for a brief flash.
“Is he…?”
“Tony will be back to normal in a few hours,” Natasha confirmed, quietly.
Steve nodded. They were all conflicted. Of course they all wanted their Tony back, but baby Tony had really bonded them more as a team.
“Can I cuddle him, until he changes?” Steve asked, as Natasha picked him back up.
Natasha hesitated for a moment. How would Tony feel, after the way that Steve had been treating him for the past month, to wake up lying on him?
She wanted to say no, wanted to tell Steve to leave Tony alone, wanted to cuddle him up with her instead, but she couldn’t because she knew how much Steve wanted to fix things between them.
She nodded mutely. She handed Tony over to him, and watched as he lay down on the sofa, Tony sprawled across his chest.
“Hey, Nat?” Clint murmured. When she looked at him, she could see the understanding in his eyes. “How about we go and do some work in the gym, hm?”
She nodded, gratefully.
“Room for one more?” Bucky asked, casting a look at Steve and Tony. “I think that that’s a reunion that should be done alone.”
Natasha nodded, and along with Bruce, who wanted nothing more than his bed, left the room.
…
Steve stroked his hand up and down Tony’s back gently. Knowing that, within hours, he’d have his Tony back was filling him with nervous energy. He had to find a way to make Tony understand that he loved him, that he would always love him.
He had to try and explain that his lack of… well, anything in the last month had been Steve’s fault, because if Steve knew anything about Tony, it was that he tended to blame himself for no reason, far too often.
Tony snuffled against his chest, turning his head and burrowing even closer into Steve’s warmth. He buried his face against Steve’s neck, and his little hand rested against Steve’s jugular.
Steve smiled, and closed his eyes. He had a lot of making up to do, he knew. He only hoped that Tony would give him an opportunity to do so.
…
Tony woke slowly, blinking against the light in the room. He felt odd, cloudy almost. He sat up, frowning when he realised that he’d been sleeping sprawled all over Steve. When the hell had that happened?
The last thing he was aware of was being in the lab, and Steve had been… not there.
“Tony?” Steve murmured, opening his own eyes to look at him. “Oh, hey, you’re back.”
“Where did I go?” Tony asked, rubbing at his temple. His head hurt, and it was getting worse by the second. “What… why does my…?”
A barrage of memories assaulted him, forcing their way into his mind at a speed too fast for him to truly process. He saw flashes of memories, lying down with Natasha, building a block tower with Clint, and even one of Bucky feeding him something mushed up and disgusting looking.
“I… erm… I’m just going to… go,” he muttered, clambering off Steve’s knee.
“Tony, wait,” Steve pleaded, sitting up and reaching for Tony’s hand.
“I… um… no. I’m going to—” Tony cut himself off, practically running for the elevator. He had to get out of there, he had to get back to the safety—and solitude—of his lab.
The memories were still coming, and he felt a further loss of dignity at each one.
He’d cried out for them when he’d had bad dreams, for fucks sake. They’d changed his nappies. How the hell was he supposed to look any of his teammates in the eye, ever again?
Hell, he even had memories of Rhodey and Pepper doting on him. He shook his head, rubbing at his still aching temple.
He had no idea how to process any of this, but first things first, he needed a shower, clothes, and a seriously stiff drink.
…
“Tony, please,” Steve begged, his hand on the door to the lab. “Just let me in, please. ”
Silence reigned, as it had for the last three days. Steve had spent almost all of the three days sitting outside the lab, leaving only for bathroom breaks and to grab snacks from the kitchen.
Tony hadn’t been seen by any of them since he’d run from the living room, and he wouldn’t let any of them into the lab.
Steve knew that, technically, he could get in, because he had the override code, but he was very reluctant to use that. As determined as he was to speak to Tony, he was more determined not to break Tony’s trust.
Those overrides were for emergencies only, and this, as dire as it felt to Steve, wasn’t actually an emergency.
“Still no sightings of our elusive genius?” Natasha asked, as she stepped out of the elevator.
Steve shook his head, leaning back against the wall.
“What do I do, Nat? Do I keep waiting here? Do I give him space? I don’t… I don’t know what to do.”
She shook her head. “I don’t either. He’s gotta come out of there at some point though.”
Steve smiled slightly. “Well, I’ve always been stubborn.”
“Time to put it to use then, soldier.”
…
Tony was eventually forced out of his lab almost a week after he’d turned back into an adult, when the Avenger’s Alarm sounded through the tower.
He knew that he was being stupid—even Jarvis had told him as much—but he just… didn’t particularly want to face any of his teammates. He wasn’t even sure if he was still embarrassed.
None of what had happened had been his fault, and his memories of being a toddler had settled enough for him to know that they’d seemed genuinely happy to take care of him.
He just… didn’t really want to talk about it.
He certainly didn’t want to deal with any consequences of it, and he really didn’t want to have that conversation with Steve. The problem, of course, was that Steve was probably just about the most stubborn person on the planet.
Not even Tony could outstubborn him, and honestly, he didn’t think he was stupid enough to truly try. At the moment, he was just… regrouping.
Okay, he was hiding, but… regrouping sounded better.
When the alarm sounded, Tony didn’t hesitate. His personal issues were not, and would never be, more important than a call to assemble.
He took the private elevator up to the landing pad, and stood still there long enough for the suit to piece itself together around him, enclosing him inside it.
“What have we got?” he asked, as the comms connected to the rest of the team.
“Tony,” Steve murmured, his voice filled with warmth and fondness. “Doom’s at it again, and the Fantastic Four are off planet at the moment, so it’s up to us to deal with it.”
“Of course they are. Sodding ‘Useless Four’ would be a better name for them, the amount of time they spend being decidedly unhelpful,” Tony grumbled.
He landed beside the jet a few minutes later, and found his team waiting for him.
“Let’s get this dealt with quickly, shall we?” he said, flipping his face plate up for a moment. “I’ll take the sky and guide you all to where you’re needed.”
“Gimme a lift?” Clint asked, raising his eyebrow.
“For you, Merida? Of course. Hold tight.”
Clint chuckled as he settled his hands into the hold’s Tony had built into his suit specifically for this reason.
For a moment, Tony’s eyes met Steve’s, and the longing and affection looking back at him threatened to take the breath from his lungs.
His face plate came down, and he fired up his repulsors and shot into the air, but he promised himself that after this, when they were all back and safe in the tower, he would talk to Steve.
…
The armour fell away from Tony as he walked down the landing strip into the tower, and he wasn’t surprised to find the whole team already in the living room. They were all feigning casual poses, but he wasn’t stupid.
Take-away and a movie?” he asked, offering up their usual post-battle routine as something of a peace offering.
Varying noises of agreement were made, and Tony instructed Jarvis to just go ahead and order everyone’s favourites. He moved deeper into the room, and was suddenly struck with the thought that he didn’t know where to sit.
There was an armchair free, but his usual seat beside Steve was also free, and he didn’t know what to do.
He caught Natasha’s eye, and she subtly inclined her head towards the seat beside Steve. Tony took a breath, and then did as she bid, slumping into the seat beside Steve. The sofa cushion tilted slightly, which meant that when Tony slumped down, he ended up pressed against Steve’s side.
When he felt the super-soldier tense, his heart sank, and he shifted as quickly as he could. Before he could move away, though, Steve lifted his arm and wrapped it around Tony securely, pressing him back into his side and against his chest.
Tony stifferned for a moment, before he melted into Steve’s warmth. He felt Steve press a kiss to his head, and he closed his eyes, relishing the familiar feeling of being enveloped by the man he loved.
Bucky entered the room a few minutes later, having been left behind on the mission because he was yet to be cleared to join the team officially, and he didn’t even hesitate to throw himself into the armchair, grinning at Steve.
“What are we watching?” Bruce asked, glancing around at them.
“Lord of the Rings!” Clint requested, exuberantly, the same way he always did.
He was usually shot down by someone—or everyone—but this time, Tony just shrugged, and didn’t bother opening his eyes. Natasha leant into Bruce and smiled at Clint. Bucky had never seen it, so he didn’t know any better, and Steve was so focused on having Tony in his arms again, that the rest of the team doubted he’d even heard the suggestion.
“Lord of the Rings it is,” Bruce said, with a shrug, and seconds later, Jarvis had the movie queued up on the screen.
By the time the food arrived, Tony was so sleepy that Steve ended up practically feeding him, to make sure that he ate.
Steve loved every second of it.
…
Tony woke up slowly. He was tucked up against Steve, and the team were all still sitting where they had been when he’d fallen asleep, only they were all fast asleep themselves. Tony pulled away from Steve enough to see that he was the only one still awake.
“Please don’t run away again,” he begged quietly.
Tony shook his head, stretching his back out. He stood up, then offered Steve his hand, tugging Steve gently when he took it. He led them to the elevator, and had Jarvis take them up to the penthouse suite.
“Shower,” Tony murmured, still pulling Steve along with him.
It was a ritual that followed on so naturally to the one that the team had, post battle. They stripped themselves silently, and stepped into the large shower, washing themselves and each other with careful hands. Steve was crying, letting his tears mingle in with the water from the shower.
He wasn’t sure if it was relief, or guilt, or joy, or… maybe it was a mix of all of them.
Tony didn’t say anything. He pressed a soft kiss to Steve’s shoulder and then tugged him down so that he could wash Steve’s hair. Steve hugged Tony’s middle, while Tony’s fingers massaged shampoo into his hair.
Eventually, both of them clean and warm, they got out of the shower and dried each other off. Tony led Steve to the bed, and they both climbed under the sheets, migrating into the middle until they were wrapped around each other.
“I’m sorry,” Steve whispered into Tony’s hair. “I neglected you, and I treated you abysmally, and I’m sorry, Tony.”
“It’s okay,” Tony replied. “It’s fine. I just… I wish you’d told me before. If you’d just said that you needed a little while to focus on Bucky…”
“I know, sweetheart. I messed up, and I can’t promise that I’ll never mess up again, but I promise that I’ll never just abandon you again the way that I did. I… I have no excuse for the way that I behaved. I gave Natasha and Bucky half-assed excuses, and they weren’t lies, but… there’s no reasonable explanation that I can give you. I behaved reprehensibly, and… I’m sorry.”
Tony burrowed closer to Steve. “Can we just… move on? Please? I don’t… I don’t want to think about it anymore.”
“I love you,” Steve murmured. “So much, Tony.”
“I love you too.”
…
Tony filled his coffee cup for the third time in ten minutes, and then turned away from the coffee maker, offering Steve a happy smile.
“I gotta go, gorgeous,” he said. “Pep will kill me dead if I’m late, and then bring me back to life to endure the meeting anyway.”
Steve snorted, shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You love me.”
“You’re not wrong,” Steve replied, leaning down to kiss Tony. “I’ll see you later for the Gala, yeah?”
“Oh, ew, did you have to remind me about that? Gross.” Tony grimaced, and then shook it off and smiled at Bucky. “Later, Robo-Buck.”
“Later, Shellhead,” Bucky replied, lifting his coffee cup in salute.
Steve watched Tony leave, before he turned to Bucky, who grinned at him.
Steve smiled back. Life was good.