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Students lingered in the hall, buzzing with anticipation for the upcoming weekend. Their chatter invaded your ears, as you managed to pick up on fragments of conversations. Everyone seemed to be babbling about the same exact thing. You peered down at the paper in your hand that had been slipped into your – and everyone else's – locker.
RANDALL’S HALLOWEEN BASH
SAT - 8 PM
It seemed as if most of the school had been invited, as you spotted the same hue of orange paper in other students' hands today.
“I’m not letting you sit this one out.”
You glanced over at Jess, who stood beside you, leering at the other students behind a pair of shades.
“I’m not going, end of story,” you stated, hoping to leave it at that.
She scoffed. “As if you have anything better to do.”
The pulsing need to argue against her simmered inside of you, but you swallowed it down for another day. You stuffed the invite back inside your locker, before promptly shutting it. Students began to disperse from their social groups, drawing out their goodbyes. A few left in pairs, their hands linked together as they seemed to float down the hallway. Even though the sight made you roll your eyes, a familiar pang of want lodged itself inside your chest, splintering your heart.
“See, that sad look is exactly why you need to go,” Jess said, interrupting your moment of self-pity.
“I don’t even have a costume, Jess.” The idea of going to a stuffy party and possibly having someone spill their drink on you made your stomach coil. Yet the sight of Jess’s pleading, Bambi eyes was already beginning to break down whatever unstable wall you had formed during this conversation.
“You’re being a buzzkill.” Jess pouted, facing away from you. A moment passed as you two watched the remaining students gradually break away from their friends. You casually glanced over at Jess, unnerved by her silence, only to find a knowing smirk on her face.
“I bet you-know-who will show up,” she sang, nudging you with her elbow.
“Don’t even go there, Jess.”
“Oh, come on,” she groaned. “You’ve been pining after her for a year now.”
“That’s… That’s not true,” you stammered.
“Yes, it is, and it’s starting to become pathetic.”
You flushed at her comment, yet knew any further argument would only prove her right. Jess and you have been attached to the hip for years, having grown up right next door to each other. If there was one person who could see right through your facade, it was her.
“Fuck,” you muttered, slouching against the lockers. “Have I been that obvious about it?”
“To me, yeah you’ve been pretty fucking obvious about it,” Jess said, pressing her shoulder against yours.
Your stomach twisted at her words, and for a solid minute you believed you might vomit. You could envision yourself hunched over as you spilled a lifetime of memories on the cold, freshly waxed floor. Maybe then Jess would take pity on you and forget the party entirely.
“Stop slouching,” Jess said, nudging you. “This is your chance to finally talk to Illi. It’s starting to depress me seeing you like this.”
You sighed, staring down at your scuffed sneakers. “I doubt she’ll even show up, Jess.”
A beat passed as your mind wandered back to yesterday morning when you were stuck in class, struggling to keep your drowsy body upright at your desk. You had merely glanced out the window to watch the tawny autumn leaves as they swept across the parking lot. The scene must have lulled you to sleep enough to where someone felt the need to violently shake your shoulder. You remembered snapping up and looking beside you to find Illi’s wide eyes and hand hovering over your arm, as if you had startled her.
Looking back now, you were pretty sure you didn’t even say anything to her. Just straightened up and stared ahead at the teacher, praying that she couldn’t hear your erratic heartbeat.
Fuck, Jess was right. It was starting to become pathetic.
“Why don’t we just ask her?” Jess suggested.
You glanced up. “Wait, what?”
“Hey Illi, Frank!” Jess called across the hall, waving her arm around like a flag.
You looked over, to see Illi and Frank walking down the hall, and glance over at you two. Illi muttered something to Frank, and before you had time to prepare, they were heading your way.
“What are you doing?” you hissed at Jess, which only earned you an eye roll.
“You’ll thank me one day,” she mumbled, before putting on a bright smile as they approached.
You clenched your fists, as Illi now stood across from you. Her stark black hair hung down to her shoulders, framing her soft pale face. The school blazer she wore was left unbuttoned, showcasing the thick red and blue striped tie enforced on every student to wear.
Frank peered over at you, his relaxed demeanor doing little to quell the anxiety sitting in your stomach.
God, you might seriously vomit now.
“I see you got an invitation,” Jess began, gesturing to the paper sticking out of Frank’s front pocket.
He shrugged. “Most of the school did.”
“Are you two going?” she asked.
You gnawed on your bottom lip, silently wishing the earth would swallow you up and bury you beneath the layers of concrete and dirt. Jess seemed comfortable however, as she was leaning back against the lockers, peering up at the duo behind her shades.
“I don’t know,” Frank said, looking over at Illi. “We haven’t found a good enough reason to consider going.”
A flood of relief and disappointment washed over you, splintering your heart.
“Oh,” Jess replied, subtly frowning.
“What about you two?” Illi suddenly spoke up, her eyes traveling over to you.
You cleared your throat and looked down at your shoes again to avoid her gaze.
“Uh-
“Hell yeah,” Jess interjected, beaming up at them. “We already got our costumes planned and everything.”
Illi made a noise in the back of her throat and glanced over at Frank, silently communicating to him. You curiously watched, trying to understand the subtle rise of his brows.
“Well, uh-maybe we’ll see you there,” Frank said, shrugging.
“If you see us, don’t be a stranger,” Jess said, winking at him. She then nudged you with her elbow, encouraging you to say something.
“Y-Yeah,” you stuttered, weakly smiling over at them.
Illi tilted her head at your reaction, a subtle smile forming on her lips. Frank nodded, his gaze shifting over to you one last time before the pair walked off, heading for the exit doors.
As soon as they were out of sight you sagged against the lockers, feeling as if the floor might come out from beneath your feet any minute. Jess reached over and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.
“So, you still feel like skipping out on the party?”
You sighed. “I hate you so much.”
*
You frowned at your reflection in the mirror as you fiddled with the strings on the back of your corset. A dozen plastic gold beaded necklaces were draped around your waist, along with a maroon-colored scarf. The white, off shoulder dress you wore came to the knee, exposing your black fishnets and boots. Every breath felt constricted, as if someone had wrapped their arms around your lungs.
“Pirates, huh,” you commented, looking over at Jess.
Her costume was almost similar, as a yellow scarf was tied around her hips instead.
“You look hot,” she said, toying with her hair.
“I can barely breath,” you mentioned, trying to loosen the corset.
Jess ignored you, solely focused on cleaning up the edges of her eyeliner. You took this moment to look around Jess’s childhood bedroom, that served as a treasure trove of memories for you. Photos of pop singers cut out from magazines littered the walls, alongside family pictures and stickers that were beginning to fade. A mountain of pillows sat on her purple bedspread, looking like a soft heaven of clouds that you would rather be laying in right now.
Taped to the mirror across you was a photograph of you and Jess as kids, posing in front of the chain-link fence that surrounded the local public pool. You smiled, momentarily thinking back to that time. The sight of your bright eyes, and silly grins now a relic of the past.
“I remember how scared you were of the diving board,” Jess said, grabbing your attention. A wistful smile grew across her painted lips as she gazed at the photograph.
You snorted. “Yeah, whatever.”
Jess then fully turned to look at you, her eyes warm with affection. “Promise me you’ll try and have fun tonight.”
“Jess-
“Promise me.”
You sighed, looking back over at the photograph. For a moment, you half-heartedly believed you could reach your hand through it and step back into the moment. When the future wasn’t everything just yet, and every conversation didn’t lead back to “Only one summer left, kiddo, what are you going to do?” The longer you stared at the two little girls, the further the memory felt.
“Yeah, okay,” you caved, giving her a reassuring smile.
Jess threw her arms around you, the familiar scent of her lavender perfume wafting into your airways.
“Okay,” she breathed, pulling herself away from you. Her sunny grin pulled at your heartstrings, a perfect replica of the girl in the picture.
Jess then intertwined her fingers with yours and dragged you out the door.
*
The Craftsman styled house looked as if Halloween threw up on it. Orange lights outlined the front door, where a poster of a Jack-O-Lanters face hung grinning at you. Various carved pumpkins, and ghoulish Halloween statues were strewn about the front lawn that looked as if it hadn’t been raked in a week or so. The muffled sound of music could be heard streaming from an open window somewhere.
“Randy really went out this year,” you said, approaching the front steps.
“He’s a senior,” Jess explained, ringing the doorbell.
A guy dressed in a varsity jacket, and a wolf mask opened the door. He beckoned you both inside immediately and was gone before you could ask him where the bathroom was.
“Was that him?” you asked.
Jess just shrugged and walked further into the house as you blindly followed her. Upbeat pop music poured from a speaker somewhere in the house, the sound barely rising above the mindless chatter that surrounded you. Your eyes swept over the mirage of costumes that people wore, some elaborate and thought-out and others that looked as if they came from a clearance rack from Party City.
Girls batted their eyelashes up at eager boys, who clenched onto solo cups. Somewhere in the house a group of friends erupted into boisterous laughter, causing every head to turn. Hungry to join in and be a part of it. You maneuvered your way past the cluster of warm bodies, finding yourself in an open kitchen with oak-colored cabinets, and an island in the center.
Open bags of chips and soda bottles covered the surface of the island, surrounding a giant bowl of candy that sat in the middle. You also noticed loose wrappers, and half-bitten chocolate bars left forgotten on the counter as well. A few people milled around in the kitchen, snacking on potato chips.
“I’m going to get us a drink!” Jess said, shouting over the music.
You nodded, too hyper aware of the other busy bodies in the room to notice her walk off. Their disinterested eyes flickered over at you, scanning the threads of your costume. Heat rose to your face from their wandering eyes. You swallowed, glancing away to instead focus on the crumbs left on the counter.
The bumping music pulsed with your heartbeat as you stood there, attached to the snack table. Jess had wandered off, leaving you utterly defenseless. You huffed, searching for her through the tightly packed crowd of teenagers. As you continued to scan the crowd, your eyes flickered over to the front door when a new group walked into the party.
You squinted, trying to make out their familiar faces through the costumes. As they awkwardly shuffled their way through the hallway, it hit you. It was Illi’s group that you often saw her hanging with around school. Frank stood in the middle, dressed in the same uniform you saw him in every day. His eyes darted around the room as if searching for something.
His eyes then locked on yours, and a sly grin overtook his face.
Frank said something to the group, prompting them to glance over at you. A familiar head of black hair popped up from behind him, her eyes immediately brightening once they found yours. Illi wore a short, sleek cape with a red lining on the inside. Her lips were painted a similar color, with a thin crimson streak running down the left side of her mouth. The dark eyeshadow she wore shimmered beneath the warm glow of the house.
Frank approached you first, with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
“Nice costume,” he said, giving you a dopey grin.
“Uh-you too,” you replied, glancing over his school uniform. You fiddled with the beads around your waist, as the group nudged their way into the kitchen. Illi, and two guys you couldn’t put a name to moved to stand beside Frank. One of them had a mess of curly hair, while the other peered at you from behind a pair of wiry glasses.
“Oh.” Frank cleared his throat and gestured over to the others. “This is Ray, and Ili’s brother Mikey”
You waved, sheepishly smiling over at the others. They seemed to be analyzing you, their gleaming eyes knowing something you didn’t.
“Where’s your friend?” Frank asked.
“She left-
“I’m back-oh, you guys made it!” Jess suddenly appeared from the crowd, holding two red solo cups. You clenched your jaw, as she pushed the cup into your hands, ignoring your hard stare.
“So,” she began, scanning the group, “what made you change your minds?”
Frank’s eyes flickered over to you, so briefly you wondered if you had imagined it at first.
“It was a last-minute decision,” Ray said, offering no further explanation.
You sloshed around the drink in your cup and took a tentative sip. Its bitter pallet immediately coated your tongue, causing you to scrunch your nose in disgust. You harshly swallowed the liquid, feeling as if it might come back up at any minute.
“Randy went cheap on the beer,” Jess explained, before taking a sip from her own cup.
“There’s beer?” Frank inquired.
Jess nodded, as a grin spread across her lips. “Yeah, it’s in the garage. Come on, I’ll show you.” She motioned for them to follow her, throwing a wink your way as she – once again – vanished into the crowd.
Frank nudged the other two guys in her direction, before shooting a look over his shoulder at Illi. You watched, wide eyed as Jess left you behind…again. Illi stood across from you now, alone and quiet.
“Great,” you muttered. Against your better judgement you took another swig of your drink, grimacing at the sour taste. It – thankfully -- went down smoother the second time.
Illi cleared her throat. “Do you go to parties a lot?”
“Not really,” you answered, clenching onto the cup.
She nodded, pursuing her lips at your answer.
You began to gnaw on your bottom lip again – missing the flicker of Illi’s eyes -- as you glanced around the room for distraction. A collage of Halloween decorations was strewn around the house, from colorful streamers to balloons that bounced off the edge of people’s feet when they danced. Others were either too busy locking lips or confined to a corner sneering at the other partygoers behind the rim of their cup.
Someone brushed against your arm, causing you to jump. You whipped around to find Illi with one hand gripping onto an unused cup and the other reaching for a bottle of soda.
“I-I’m sorry,” you stammered.
Illi softly smiled. “It’s alright, I forgot you startle easy.”
“Right…” you trailed off, turning away from her.
You could imagine Jess, somewhere, mentally screaming at you to get your act together. If she hadn’t ditched you, she probably would have keeled over from the awkward atmosphere by now. With a deep breath, you took a large gulp from your cup, the liquid courage burning all the way down your throat.
For Jess’s sake, you would try and be less pathetic.
“I didn’t know you had a brother,” you mentioned, struggling to keep your voice from shaking.
Illi blinked, looking over at you from behind the rim of her cup.
“I mean-I see you guys together in the hall, but I didn’t…” you trailed off, feeling your face burn the longer she stared at you.
“He’s a couple years younger than me,” Illi said. “Our parents thought it would be easier if they transferred us to the same school.”
“Are you two close?”
“Yeah, we’ve always been close growing up,” she said, a warm smiling settling on her face. Illi glanced off into the distance, eyes glazing over as if contemplating something.
“You know,” she began, “I’m glad they stuck us both in the same school. I think I would have lost my mind if I had to endure all the private school bullshit alone at first.”
“I get it,” you said, thinking back to your first year. “That’s sort of how I feel with Jess.”
Illi opened her mouth to speak when a warm body crashed into you, spilling their drink down the front of your dress. You gasped as the chilled liquid seeped into the thin fabric. The culprit – a stocky, short boy dressed as a discounted mummy – glanced between you two, standing like a deer caught in the headlights.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” he said, voice muffled by the bandages around his head.
“Nice going, asshole!” Illi snapped, glowering at him. He shrunk back from her cold stare.
You grimaced at the pungent scent of cheap booze on your skin. It violently cut through the floral perfume Jess had doused you in before you two left the house. Suddenly it felt as if a thousand eyes were on you, taking in the sight of your ruined dress. It didn’t help that Illi’s voice had risen over the music, drawing attention from the other partygoers. Your vision was beginning to blur, the longer you stood there.
“Watch it next time,” Illi said, her biting tone causing the boy to flinch.
You swallowed and balled your fists, as an unfathomable weight settled in your chest. Without a word, you turned around and pushed your way through the small crowd that had gathered in the kitchen to watch Illi and the mummy argue. Their eyes followed you, swelled with pity – yet there was a faint shine of amusement behind it. Your bottom lip quivered, as the tight bundle of nerves you had gathered inside of you was beginning to loosen.
Not far behind, you could make out the faint call of your name before the music drowned it out. You pushed ahead, until you reached a glass sliding door that led to a dimly lit patio. Relief washed over you, as you drew the door back and stepped outside, welcoming the cool hand of autumn that immediately brushed against your face.
You stood on the patio, that was nothing but a wide slab of concrete and a few plastic chairs, surrounded by a dewy grass lawn that resembled the one out front. Someone slid the glass door shut behind you, as the music fell to a quiet distorted muffle.
“Are you alright?” Illi asked from behind you.
You nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry I just needed… some air.”
Illi shuffled over to your side, her warm presence brushing against your shoulder.
“You’re shaking.”
“I think his drink must have had ice cubes in it or something,” you joked, faintly smiling over at her.
Illi’s eyes glanced over your damp dress, as a thought passed over her face. With a sigh, she untied the silk ribbon that connected her cape. You watched, curious by her actions, as she moved to stand in front of you.
“It’s not exactly a jacket,” she said, draping the silk cape of your shoulders. Your heart stuttered from the proximity, as her fingers worked to retie the ribbon. Its material was cool to the touch and smelled faintly of cigarettes. Illi’s hands, however, were as cold as the autumn breeze. You shuddered, the slight bit of contact causing your stomach to twist. The tips of her fingers gently grazed your neck, as she finished tying off the ribbon.
“You …You didn’t have to,” you stammered, feeling your throat tighten.
“I didn’t,” she said, looking back at you. “I wanted to, though.”
The dim, glow of the patio light splashed over Illi’s pale face. Your eyes wandered over her features, from the slight red tint of her cheeks to her wine-stained lips. You’ve never been this close, and it would be so easy to just lean in.
“Illi…” you breathed, unsure of what to say.
Her eyes flickered down to your lips, entranced by the sight. She leaned forward, the tip of her nose gently nudging against yours. Your heart leapt up your throat, as her soft lips nervously met yours. The kiss was unsure, and clumsy, yet you couldn’t help but melt into it. Your hands came to rest on her hips, slightly pulling her forward. Her chest bumped against yours, as she reached up to dig her fingers into the fabric of the cape, somehow tugging you closer.
Your tongue slid over her bottom lip, humming from the sweet palette of her cherry lip-gloss making your head dizzy. Illi groaned into the kiss, as her hands slid up to cradle your face. It was almost overwhelming, as the scent of her washed over you, dulling your surroundings. You pulled back, panting from the suddenness of it all, and tried to think back to the party, yet you could barely recall where your night began as the taste of Illi whirled around your heavy mind.
Illi rested her forehead against yours, her hot breath fanning against your chin. Her fond eyes traced over your face, as a giddy smile bloomed on her lips. The once perfectly applied lip gloss now smudged.
“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to do that all night,” Illi confessed, before pressing a faint kiss to the corner of your mouth.
You went wide at her words, as they echoed around your head. Then, out nowhere, you began to laugh. Your head fell forward to rest on her shoulder, as you struggled to bite back the grin on your lips.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, pulling back to look at you.
“I’ve been crushing on you all semester,” you explained, beaming at her. “Yet all it took to get a chance to kiss you was for me to smell like a mini bar and nearly have a panic attack.”
“It doesn’t sound romantic when you put it like that…”
You giggled, and leaned forward, causing her eyes flickered down to your lips again.
“All things considered though,” you said, pulling her closer, “I would really like to kiss you again.”
Illi grinned, and leaned into you, like a flower drawn to sunlight. The party, and muffled music droned on until it faded away completely.