Work Text:
Nikolai Gogol was on Google (lol) searching for new ways to nuke ukulele on random places, when he found a vacation advertisement.
His smirk widened 33566 times, he clicked on it, and spent all the organization funds on this trip to…well…F-France…(what a dreadful country)
Fyodor realized that all the money has vanished, and quickly went to see Nikolai, flabbergasted
“May I know for what sake did you spent that much money for this dreadful country named F-F-F-F-F-Fr-France…?”
Nikolai’s smirk got bigger than the Eiffel Tower
“Let’s say I just did it because I had the free will to do so, and there are pigeons in France, maybe there is the love of my life, the duolingo owl, among them ?”
Fyodor snapped
“Gogol, are you aware I could literally obliterate your existence from this rotating rock for this ?!”
Nikolai remained unfazed
“Come on…What could be so terrible in Fr*nce ?”
Sigma looked even more flabbergasted, but didn’t mind the idea of vacations
“What could we possibly do in France ?”
Fyodor quickly answered back, with an angry kitten pout
“Leave”
Nikolai looked at Fyodor with a grin bigger than those on wattpad
“Imagine the things we could do ?!”
“Do what ? Kill people with croissants ?!” He says with his teeth gritted
Sigma, being the sanest one as usual, decided to do a vote, Sigma, Nikolai and Bram voted to travel to France, only Fukuchi and Fyodor voted against this decision.
The day they all went on vacations came, instead of taking clothes Nikolai took 100kg of cocaine and 50 ukulele (he can be trusted with ukuleles)
Despite the fact that Sigma basically wanted to travel, he was also a bit reluctant, knowing well the jester’s antics
“Nikolai…What the hell are we even going to do in France, you spent all the money in buying the plane ticket…?! And that means I’ll have to leave my casino ?!” Sigma was ready to jump out of the window
Fyodor swore under his breath
“Бля…”
“No swearing Fyodor there’s a 3 year old here”
Nikolai said glancing at Sigma
“Nikolai I will blow you up if anything happens at my casino while we’re gone”
“I have knowledge in chemistry you don’t have, hit me, I’ll poison you”
Nikolai said menacingly
After having argued, they were finally all in the plane, Fyodor tried to hijack it to make it crash, Nikolai tried to cut in half the pilot, the only chill ones out here were Bram, Fukuchi and Sigma.
“Nikolai, mind you tell me now where are we going to sleep ?!” Sigma shouted
“Oupsi dupsi…Underneath the Eiffel Tower…?”
Sigma choked on the c r o i s s a n t.
“Nikolai, I order you to jump from the edge of this whatever kind of iron decoration this is” Fyodor said nonchalantly
“You uneducated ! It’s named the Eiffel Tower”
Nikolai said teasingly, munching on the Eiffel Tower “Yummy iron”
“Nikolai…WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SNACKING ON THE EIFFEL TOWER” Sigma shouted with a fisheye expression spreading on his face
Meanwhile, Bram was still in his coffin and wasn’t even aware of being in France, and Fukuchi actually got lost in Spain.
“By the way…where are Bram and Fukuchi ?”
Sigma asked
“I’m in Spain without the s” Fukuchi said
“Bram is in his coffin, and…Fukuchi got lost in Spain…” Nikolai said, his mouth stuffed with iron
“THIS IS COMPLETE NONSENSE !! NIKOLAI I ASK FOR DIVORCE !” Fyodor gave back Nikolai his wedding ring
“Fedya…how could you…Well I don’t care anyway now I’m married with the Eiffel Tower”
“Коля…мой любовь…Are you telling me that you prefer some old iron to me ?”
Fyodor said, genuinely hurt
“Bold of you to assume you’re not older than the tower…” Nikolai said, now having totally eaten the tower…
1 minute of silence for Fukuchi who got lost in (S)pain and Fyodor who got the biggest emotional damage…and maybe the Eiffel Tower who got eaten by Nikolai