Archive of Our Own

The bedroom door burst open before there was a knock. I quickly shoved the magazine on my lap beneath the blanket before my twin brother could see it. He had a horrible habit of not knocking. It was a miracle he hadn’t walked in on me changing or anything else. If only our father would let us put a lock on our doors. 

“Where is my Penthouse?” Billy demanded as he stood in the doorway. His curly mullet was styled as it normally was, with a mountain of Aquanet mousse. His button-up was undone more than usual, making me want to roll my eyes. Of course, it worked with all the girls, if only I could flaunt around like that. Maybe I’d have better luck. 

“I don’t know,” I defended with widened eyes. I was slightly stiff from the sudden interrogation. It felt like my muscles were locking up.

“Bullshit. I know you took it. Now give it back,” he ordered, entering the room. 

“Well, I don’t have it,” I lied. I could feel the flush as a small bit of red hinted on my cheeks. I was a shitty liar and we both knew it. Billy smirked at the tell and began shuffling through my side of the room. He knew I wouldn’t hide it within Max’s stuff. I couldn’t risk the redhead discovering it. 

I watched as he shifted through my belongings, shifting anxiously as he turned and stared with narrowed eyes. He hadn’t found it despite looking under the bed and pillow, and through my drawers and bookshelf. 

“Alright, hand it over. I’m serious. Dad can’t know you have it,” Billy commanded, holding his palm out. 

I swallowed hard at the thought. Our father would be furious. Normally, Billy stepped in and took the heat, but not even he would be able to save me from that beating. I’d crafted my whole life to fit Neil Hargrove’s idea of a perfect daughter. I’d joined cheerleading and kept good grades, hiding behind lies my entire life. Me liking girls more than boys would be unforgivable in Dad’s eyes. He might go as far as to disown me and toss me out on the street if he didn’t kill me first. I could already hear the slurs he would scream. 

I sighed as I reached my hand under the throw blanket on the bed, slowly pulling out the Penthouse magazine. Billy shook his head disapprovingly. 

“You need to be more careful. What if he walked in and caught you with this? I couldn’t protect you from that,” he scolded, waving the magazine. 

I knew he was concerned. He always was. We were all each other had after Mom left. Billy had taken her place as the target of Dad’s anger. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle it; I could, but he insisted on protecting me. While I tried to appease our father, Billy rebelled. He was always caught in Dad’s disappointment. 

“I am careful. I haven’t been caught in how many years? I’m not going to let him catch me now,” I argued. 

“Just be more careful,” he sighed, shaking his head. He walked out the door before stopping and turning back. “And stop taking my shit,” he reprimanded, pointing the rolled-up magazine at me. 

“Oh fuck off,” I rolled her eyes. “Wait! It’s Friday.”

“Yeah. I know dipshit, but I’m not taking you to Family Video only for you to gawk at a girl you can’t even talk to,” Billy shouted as he walked back to his room. He had no problem teasing when no one else was home. 

“Fine be an ass,” I spat, hopping down from the bed. He was so irritating. I shoved my worn shoes on before grabbing a flannel. “I’ll go by myself.”

“Have fun biking, ‘cause you’re not taking my car,” Billy responded from his room. 

It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t have a car. Our stupid father wouldn’t let me have my own. He argued that three cars were enough for the family, and if I needed to go anywhere, Billy could take me like a responsible brother. 

I grumbled profanities beneath my breath as I stuffed my wallet in my jean pocket, heading for the back door. I quietly rode down the Indiana roads into the small area of downtown. Family Video wasn’t too far from my house, not that anything was in town. 

The video rental store had a few stragglers wandering the aisles as the bell rang above the door as I pushed it open. 

Steve Harrington and his coworker, Robin Buckley, stood behind the counter. I’d been expecting this. They always worked the Friday afternoon shift. It was why I chose this day to exchange movies every week. Robin is still attending high school, so she opted for the late Friday shift and weekends.

Immediately, I headed towards the horror movies. It didn’t really matter which films I picked, it wasn’t really the reason I was here. No, I had my eyes on something far better. I peeked up over the aisles to the mousy brunette girl flipping through a catalog. 

“Haven’t you already rented this movie?” Steve asked as I set the stack of movies on the counter. 

“It’s a good movie,” I answered, but my focus was on the girl behind him. Robin glanced up and met my eyes before quickly looking away. She was so pretty .

“What’s your top horror movie?” I directed towards Robin. 

“Call me childish, but Gremlins . I’m not a big horror movie fan, but I’ll watch it if I have someone to curl up next to,” Steve flirted as he looked up from entering the movies into my account. 

“ Gremlins isn’t bad. It’s just not scary,” I responded, choosing to ignore the last part of his statement. 

It wasn’t like I hadn't had my experiences with guys. Steve was normally the kind of guy I would flirt back with, but I wasn’t interested in him, surprisingly. Robin, however, was hypnotic. I just wanted to stare at her, and I definitely wanted to kiss her. 

“What about you, Robin?” I nervously asked. Saying the girl's name had me biting back a smile. 

“Me? Oh, I… I don’t know. I don’t watch a lot of, ugh, scary movies. I mean, I saw Poltergeist once. I think at least. I’m not really sure. I don’t really remember,” Robin began rambling. She had this habit of talking fast whenever addressed directly. “I didn’t make it through the whole movie. My parents were gone, and I was home alone, so I turned it off.” 

“You might enjoy it more with someone. I know it can help. I mean, that’s at least what I heard. It's a tactic Billy uses all the time on dates,” I began explaining. 

Why did I just say that? Why would I bring up Billy? Fuck! It’s like my mouth was running off without my brain.

“Not that that matters! I don’t know why I said that. I’m just saying it can help. I mean Steve probably agrees,” I quickly corrected. I could feel the heat building on my cheeks. 

“I’ve certainly used that tactic,” Steve spoke, taking the attention off me. “It doesn’t really work so well on girls who enjoy scary movies, though,” Steve smiled, resting his elbow on the counter. He was gazing directly at me while I shifted on my feet.

“Right,” I agreed before glancing over at Robin. “I’d just have to be the one a gi—”

I halted in my sentence, realizing what I was about to spill. Did I have to keep putting my foot in my mouth? Why couldn’t this be easier?  

“What?” Steve asked, confused. 

“I said that I would have to be the girl someone leaned on. You know, since horror movies don’t scare me,” I nervously laughed. “Anyway, I gotta go,” I quickly dismissed, grabbing my stack of movies.  As my footsteps led me closer to the door, I called out a goodbye. 

My mind was spiraling as I rode my bike home. I almost outed my biggest secret without a thought. I didn’t even know if Robin liked me or girls in general. I would have been a town pariah all because I could stop running my damn mouth whenever there was a pretty girl nearby. And what would my father have said if there were rumors of me liking women? I felt like a complete idiot. I couldn’t trust Robin or Steve with that knowledge. 

To make matters worse, my father and Susan were already home by the time I arrived. I took a deep breath, collecting myself before I stepped inside. Dad wouldn’t accept anything less than perfect behavior. 

Susan greeted me as I walked through the kitchen. I smiled politely in return, knowing that the woman was trying her best. Max was in our shared room reading when I walked in. 

“What movies did you get?” The younger girl asked, setting down her Wonder Woman comic. Instead of answering, I dumped the stack onto the girl’s bed, letting her sort through them. 

It was too early for bed, but I was tired and done. I wanted to skip the family dinner Susan was cooking and crawl into bed. Maybe I’d get some goddamn sense overnight. I couldn’t even talk to the only person who knew, because, of course, our father would be suspicious. So for now, I ignored the gnawing in my gut and plastered on a smile. 

…

The next Friday, Billy was still stuck at work by the time my shift ended at the hardware store. I huffed, knowing I would have to walk home. My eyes drifted to a different street, however. Maybe I could make a quick stop to exchange last week's VHS tapes. It would cheer me up and give me something to think about on the way home. 

Robin was restocking the tapes as Steve helped check out an elderly man. I took a deep breath before approaching the girl. I picked at the loose thread of my shirt as I steadied myself. Why was talking to a pretty girl harder than flirting with an attractive guy?

“Do you have any film recommendations with me this week?” I decided to ask. 

Robin jumped a little at the sound of my voice, “Jesus! Oh, ugh, hi.” She greeted me before dragging out my name as if sounding unsure of it. “You startled me. I didn’t hear you approach. Not that I was listening for you. I mean not that I wasn’t not listening for you or any other customer. I was just busy, distracted by putting these movies back,” her voice was fast and rising in pitch as she continued. 

“No. No. I’m sorry for starting you. If you’re busy, I can just look for something myself,” I tried amending. Was I making her uncomfortable?

“No! No, it’s alright. So can I… umm… help you with something?” 

“Movie recommendations. If you don’t mind,” I asked with a small smile. 

“Yeah, I can help with that. Have you watched Doctor Zhivago ? It is a tragic drama and romance, but it is worth the watch. Or if you want more of a horror element, you can try… The Hunger ,” Robin explained, leading me through different sections of the store. She hesitated before her last recommendation. 

The Hunger ? I had seen it once back in San Diego before Susan and Max weren’t in the picture. Dad had gone off on a trip for the weekend, leaving Billy and me. Neither of us could drive yet, so we walked the twenty minutes to the rental store. I had heard a rumor at school weeks prior about the movie featuring a romance between two women and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. 

I’d forced Billy to stay out of the living room so I could watch it alone, which was not an easy task. The boy was bullheaded. It had been an eye-opener to see the film. Dad would have killed me if he had found out I watched a film with an erotic scene between two women. It was a leading reason for the popularity of the film, and now Robin was recommending it to me. Was she trying to hint she liked women?

“I’ve seen it once and I’d like to watch it again, but my dad would kill me if he knew I watched a movie like that,” I hinted. I opened my mouth to admit I could rent Fast Times at Ridgemont High when Steve appeared. 

“Hey. I was wondering if you were gonna stop by. You’re later than usual,” the boy announced. 

“Billy’s not off yet, so I walked and I had work,” I shrugged. It wasn’t like I came at the same time every Friday. I was only like twenty minutes later than when I usually aimed to be there. I didn’t realize Steve had been paying so much attention. Sure, he always flirted, but it’s not like I flirted back. 

“Do you need a ride home? I can drive you. My ten-minute break is coming up,” Steve offered. 

“No. I’ll walk. I wouldn’t want Robin to have to man the store alone,” I commented, glancing at the girl beside him. 

“She can handle it for a few minutes,” Steve assured. 

“If you want him to take you, I don’t mind. I handle the store by myself. It doesn’t start picking up till later anyway. So if you want to leave with Steve, then that’s fine. I don’t mind. It’s not a big deal. It’s better than you walking all that way alone. So if Steve wants to drive you and you want to go, then that’s fine. Great, actually, if you want to go with… Steve,” the awkward girl blabbered. Before I had the chance to respond, Robin had turned around and begun hurrying back into the aisles. 

“See, she can handle it,” Steve said as he led me up to the counter. 

“It’s fine. I don’t mind walking. Or maybe Robin could take me,” I attempted to dismiss. Yeah, Robin could take me. I liked that idea. I could be alone with Robin, finally.

“Robin can’t drive and doesn’t own a car. I’ll take you home. I don’t feel comfortable letting you walk alone,” he disclosed. 

I glanced to the side of the store to find Robin already looking in my direction. My heart felt stuck in my throat as I saw the frozen expression on the girl’s face. It almost looked like longing, but I couldn’t be sure. 

I didn’t even care about the assortment of movies in my lap as I silently sat in Steve’s passenger seat. He was flirting again, and I couldn’t find myself caring less. My thoughts were stuck on the girl now working alone in the video store. I had tried to show my disinterest, but he didn’t seem to get it. I liked him as a friend, nothing more. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie with me this weekend?” The boy hopefully asked as he pulled up to the curb behind the blue Camaro. Of course, Billy was already home. 

“I’m actually busy with work this weekend, but thank you,” I politely dismissed. 

I couldn’t hurt his feelings. He was friends with Robin, so if I hurt him, it would set a bad impression of me and possibly ruin my chances with the girl. Not that there was much of one. I was still unsure of where Robin stood, although I had a growing suspicion. That movie recommendation definitely hinted at something. Plus, Steve was always so kind. I would never want to hurt his feelings. 

“Maybe I could take you after you get off work?” He suggested. I felt guilty as I stared at his brown puppy-dog eyes. He looked so hopeful. 

“I’m flattered, Steve, but it’s not going to work. I think you’re a really sweet guy, but I’m just not interested in you like that. I would love to be friends, though,” I elaborated. 

“Right. I misread the situation then. I didn’t mean to pressure you,” he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, it’s okay. I should have been more clear. I’m… ugh, interested in someone else,” I cleared my throat. 

“Well, he’s a lucky guy,” Steve congratulated. 

“Right… lucky guy,” I sighed under my breath as I reached to open the door. If only he knew.  “Thanks for the ride, Steve.”

I slightly dragged my feet as I walked up to the front door. I didn’t even stop to drop my stuff off in my room before opening Billy’s door. He was lying across his green sofa, flipping through a car magazine. I let her backpack fall to the floor before flopping onto his bed face first. 

“Struck out again?” Billy teased, not bothering to look up. 

“I might as well give up. It’s hopeless,” I self-pitied. My words were muffled by the mattress. 

“I can give you some advice if you want,” he offered, glancing over. I didn’t have to worry about his seeing my expression as my face was obscured from his view by my hair. 

“I don’t want your shit advice. I want her and not just for a hookup,” I whined. 

“My advice is not shit. I pull girls; you don’t. You are shit at flirting, that is your problem,” he argued. “So you’re getting my advice. I’m sick of hearing you mope and pine after some girl you can hardly talk to. It’s embarrassing.”

He tossed his magazine to the side, not caring that it fell onto the ground. His room wasn’t exactly clean anyway. There were dirty clothes on the floor and on his speakers. He hadn’t even made his bed that morning, not that he usually did. 

The mattress dipped under his weight as he sat next to me. We were the only real family each other had. It was why I was the only soft spot he openly displayed. We’d always taken care of each other and would continue to do so. 

“Just ask her out,” he suggested. 

Was he crazy? Had the fights and drinking finally knocked his senses out?  

I pushed myself up to stare at him like he’d grown another head, “I can’t… I can’t just ask her out. Are you crazy? I don’t even know if she likes girls, and she thinks I like Steve!”

“Why would she think that?” Billy scoffed.

“Because he drove me home and asked me out. I think she knew he planned to ask me out. She practically set me up to be alone with him,” I sighed. 

“Well Harrington is an idiot and you just keep fucking things up. You think too much and only make them worse. Clearly, you need help. Luckily for you, you happen to have a brother who is great with the ladies,” Billy teased. 

“I don’t need your help,” I grumbled, sitting up.

Deep down, I knew he was right. I had been trying since I noticed Robin in the stands while cheering one of Billy’s basketball games… last year. I’d stared at the girl all through senior year, too afraid to approach. 

When I learned Robin got hired at Scoops Ahoy, I went to the mall for nearly a week straight trying to get the courage to enter the ice cream parlor. Like a coward, I’d relented to asking Billy to go to the mall, knowing he wouldn’t let me chicken out. When I’d panicked and tried, he told me ‘no’ and dragged me into the shop. Billy had laughed at me in the car after. He’d laughed until he struggled to breathe. I’d completely frozen and made a fool of myself. 

As we’d entered, Steve and Robin greeted us, asking for our order, and I stuttered, opening and closing my mouth, unable to get any words out. It was the first time Robin had spoken to me, well outside the one time she’d muttered ‘thank you’ after I’d opened the school door for her. I hadn’t been able to process any thoughts then either. 

I was glad Billy had been there to take pity on me. Without missing a beat, he’d stepped in and ordered for both of us as I flushed. I had sweated so much in those few minutes that I showered as soon as we arrived home.

I hated to admit that I was hopeless, but I was getting nowhere. If anything, everything was worse. I could still hardly talk to her without word vomiting.

“Yes, you do. You suck at this and I can’t listen to you whine about her anymore. So I’m going in with you next time,” he declared, pulling a cigarette from his carton. 

My head whipped towards him. He’d never gone inside with me. If he drove, he always waited out in the car. I wasn’t sure what he could do other than harass Steve… which might work. It would guarantee a one-on-one conversation with Robin. Whenever we were alone, Steve always showed up. I would feel guilty for subjecting Steve to that, but if that’s what it took, then I was in. 

“Don’t argue. It’s happening. Just ask her out. It’s not that hard,” he continued. 

“What if she doesn’t like girls?” 

“She likes girls.”

“I’m not sure, and I can’t risk it. I need to be sure,” I pressed. 

“I’m sure. If you need more proof, figure it out while I keep Harrington out of your way, but you better have asked her out by the time we leave,” he stated, waving his lit cigarette. I nodded as I reached over to steal a hit off his cigarette. I was too stressed.

He pulled the cigarette out of my mouth, grumbling, “Buy your own damn smokes. Now get out of my room.” 

Without another word I got up heading to the door, letting my eyes linger on the pornstar poster hung on his closet door. It caught my attention every time I was in the room. Billy had caught me once in the past staring at it. 

…

“No chickening out. I mean it,” Billy warned as he pushed the Camaro door open. 

I nervously tugged at the hem of my sweater. I felt sick with anxiety. This was a worse feeling than preparing for a class presentation. If this went poorly, I was done for. My life was over. Not something many teenagers could say without exaggerating when they are rejected by their crush. I took a deep, shuddering breath as I reached for the glass doors.

“You’ll do fine, dipsit. Relax. She’s gonna say yes,” Billy encouraged, noticing how strung out I was. He patted my shoulder as I pulled on the door. 

As soon as we entered, I could hear Steve mutter profanities in one of the aisles. He was clearly not excited to see my brother. Billy clocked onto his target before I even spotted him. 

“Is that you, Harrington? I’m surprised. I thought you’d be collecting my trash every Tuesday after your last job. I guess being King Steve wasn’t all that after I came to town. Heard you’ve been striking out with the bitches too,” I heard Billy taunting as he headed towards the already irritated employee. 

I shook my head, hoping Billy had the sense not to start a fist fight. I looked around, spotting Robin behind the counter. The girl was nervously watching the two boys. 

“They’ll be fine. Billy just likes messing with him,” I said, trying to defuse the girl’s worry. 

“He doesn’t normally come with you. Sometimes I forget you’re siblings. He’s so aggressive and angry, and you’re not. I mean not that I really know you or your brother that well,” she rambled. 

“He’s not always like that. We’re more alike than most people think,” I clarified, gently defending Billy. Billy could be really soft, but only I ever got to see that side. Then there was my temper. I rarely got mad, but when I did, it was about as loud as Billy’s anger.

We fell into an awkward silence, both struggling to decide on a topic. Billy and Steve could be heard bickering in the background. The whole store could hear those two. Billy was demanding Steve run all over the store, recommending and fetching him movies. They all knew Billy didn’t want to rent anything, but Steve had to run around like a headless chicken since it was his job. Customer service was a bitch.

“I heard you… ugh, turned down Steve,” Robin quietly admitted. 

“Yeah, he’s sweet but not really my type,” I spoke quietly. I wasn’t sure it was the truth. Steve was the type of guy I liked when I did like men, but I preferred women, especially the one in front of me.

“He was kinda surprised you turned him down. He was sure you’d been flirting with him,” she said, fiddling with a pen. 

“I wasn’t flirting with him,” I admitted. I was flirting with you . 

Robin looked confused but was not really picking up the hint.

 “I like your rings,” I complimented, absentmindedly reaching out to touch the chained ring on her hand. 

Robin froze at the contact, and I realized what I was doing. Robin’s hand felt warmer than my own. Her skin was soft, and I wanted to intertwine our fingers. 

“Oops. Sorry, Harrington. Looks like you have some cleanup to do,” Billy called out to the fuming brunette. 

He’d started making his way over to us in an attempt to escape his high school rival. He was about to blow his lid. In an attempt to stop Steve from interrupting Robin and I’s conversation, Billy knocked some VHS tapes off the shelf.  

“Sorry,” I muttered quietly, slowly retracting my fingers. Billy’s outburst had reminded me that I couldn’t hold Robin’s hand. At least not here. 

“No, it’s okay. I mean, I wasn’t bothered by it, not that I enjoyed it. But I didn’t not not enjoy it. It just isn’t a big deal, you know. It’s a totally platonic thing to do,” Robin blushed. Her voice dropped a little and slowed at the end. 

“Totally platonic,” I defeatedly repeated, too focused on her disappointment to notice the conversation happening on the other side of the store. 

…

“What the fuck is your problem Hargrove? I don’t come to your work and mess around with shit,” Steve spat. “If you don’t get your movie and get out, I will ban you for life.” 

Steve moved to walk away. Billy grabbed his arm and yanked him back once he saw where he was heading. Before Steve had the chance to yell or pull away, Billy turned them both so they were hidden from the girls’ view behind the Californian’s broad shoulders. 

“I swear to god Harrington if you go over there I will beat the shit out of you again. I’ll play nice if that’s what it will take but you better not fuck up my sister’s chances with that girl,” Billy practically growled.

Billy froze, realizing what he had just admitted. The look on Steve’s face told him that he understood what Billy had been implying. Panic began to build. He had just endangered his sister. The one person he would do anything to protect. He’d spilled her deepest secret to Steve Harrington of all people.  

Steve's desire to punch the other boy lessened. It made so much sense suddenly. She’d always tried to include Robin in conversations. He’d thought she was just being nice with how she always wanted an answer to her questions from Robin. He suddenly felt like an idiot. A blind idiot who misread obvious signs. Her behavior was a neon sign for her interest in Robin, and he stupidly hadn’t seen it. 

Both he and Robin had assumed the nicer Hargrove had been interested in Steve. Robin had told him it was okay for him to ask her out. He almost felt the need to laugh. They had it all backward. 

Steve noticed the change in the Californian before him. Billy’s frustration morphed into a near-manic desperation. Billy grabbed Steve’s collar as a hardened mania took over his blue eyes. 

The panic put Steve on edge, tensing under Billy’s grip. Steve had never seen such an expression on the arrogant blond. After the Byers’ incident, Steve never wanted to be in a fight with Billy again, and he suspected this version of Billy was far more unpredictable. 

“You tell anyone, Harrington and I will kill you. Do you understand? You don’t know what that would do to her. I will rip your goddamn tongue out if that’s what it takes to keep you quiet,” Billy threatened, gripping Steve’s shirt collar tight enough that he was almost lifting him off the ground. 

“Wow, dude. I’m not gonna tell. I wouldn’t do that to her… or Robin,” Steve quickly amended. It was partially a confession to pacify Billy, but Steve also knew if Billy could keep his sister’s secret, Robin’s would be safe. Yes, Billy was a jerk, but he never went after anyone unprovoked, unless it was Steve. 

“Robin?” Billy deflated, releasing the boy. 

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, not really knowing how to react. Billy still seemed on edge. 

“Thank fuck. I mean the tie was a giveaway, but she wanted to be positive,” Billy said, almost lost in his own thoughts. 

Both boys let silence fall between them as they glanced at the two girls standing at the checkout counter. Both of them had blushes on their cheeks, too focused on each other to notice the two boys watching them from behind one of the aisles. Their eavesdropping was poorly hidden as they stared at the two. 

“They’re clueless,” Steve stated. He didn’t even care that it was Billy beside him. They had silently made an agreement to set aside their rivalry for the time being. 

“Yeah, no shit,” Billy agreed as he watched his sister fumble over her words. He was embarrassed watching her. “This is painful to watch.”

“Is she attempting to flirt?” Steve asked. His brows were scrunched as Robin nervously laughed at something the Californian said. It wasn’t even funny. It was awkwardly delivered and nerdy. 

Billy pinched the bridge of his nose, “Yes. I physically can’t watch this. I’m going for a smoke.” Billy started walking towards the door as he reached into his breast pocket for a Marlboro carton. “You coming or not, Harrington?” He asked, stopping with the door held open. 

Steve took one last look at the two girls before mumbling, “Yeah.” 

On his way out the door, he flipped the sign to ‘closed’. There was no one currently in the store to witness the scene between the two girls, and Steve wanted to keep it that way.

Billy passed him a cigarette and his lighter as they leaned against the brick wall. For once, Steve didn’t mind Billy’s presence. He was almost thankful to have someone else who understood his situation with Robin. He wasn’t even upset about Hargrove terrorizing him at work anymore. Sure, he could have gone about distracting Steve better, but he understood why Billy had done it. 

…

“You still in band? You played the trumpet, right?” I asked, leaning against the counter. 

“Yes. I didn’t think you knew that,” Robin said, drumming her fingers on the counter. 

“I was in cheer, so I got a good view of the stands, and I saw you,” I explained. 

I looked for Robin in the stands every game. I’d hoped that Robin would notice me just as much. So I danced harder and cheered louder, hoping to draw the girl’s attention. I hoped that maybe Robin would approach me then, so I wouldn’t have to work up the courage to do it myself. 

“Yeah, I remember. You always cheered the loudest,” Robin said before slightly freezing. “Not that I was specifically watching you. You were just good.” 

I smiled, so Robin had noticed my efforts. A small bit of confidence grew in my chest. I took a deep breath, deciding to pull a page from my brother’s book. 

“I wouldn’t have minded if you did… watch me.” It wasn’t delivered with nearly as much confidence as my brother managed. Then again, he had an ego the size of two states when it came to his social life. 

Robin appeared to be taken aback a little by the statement. Her green eyes widened further. A little, almost inaudible noise of surprise slipped out as she stared down at me. 

“You… you wouldn’t?” Robin carefully asked. Her voice was so soft and unsure. 

I felt the courage in my chest grow a little bit more. It was a small warmth, like the embers of a hearth. Robin wasn’t scandalized or repulsed by the insinuation.

“Maybe I was hoping you’d be watching,” I added. My voice was far more confident this time. I would be sure if Robin was into me, depending on her answer. 

“Oh, well, you are kind of hard to miss,” Robin nervously admitted before clearing her throat. “Did you have any other movies you wanted to rent today?” Robin changed topics as she messed with the tape I had set on the counter earlier as an excuse to approach the girl. 

Robin refused to look at me. She was on the precipice of an anxiety attack, not sure if she was reading the situation right. The idea that Billy Hargrove’s sister was flirting with her was outrageous… right? Robin had no idea how to respond to that situation. Sure, Robin had liked girls, but she never flirted with them or had one flirt with her, especially one she liked, and she had liked this former cheerleader for a while, a long while. 

I smiled, unaware of the near-panic in Robin’s head over misunderstanding. 

This was it . It was the perfect setup. I was sure Robin liked me at least a little more than friends. Plus, I had a suspicion that if I didn’t ask Robin out by the time we left, Billy would for me. There was no doubt he’d walk up to the counter and lean against it with a smug look. 

I could just hear him address my crush, “Robin, right? You seem to have caught my sister’s eye, and since she is too shy to ask, what do you say to a date with her on Friday?” Then he’d make some comment to me about it being that easy. 

In an attempt to avoid such a situation, I smiled, “Actually, I was thinking about watching something new down at the theater. I was wondering if you would like to go with me?” 

“Me? Yes, I can. Yes, I would like that. Is… is Steve coming?” Robin questioned. She wasn’t sure what to think. Part of her was overjoyed at the prospect of time alone with the girl, if that’s what she meant. Another part prepared for rejection, thinking maybe she was only trying to start a friendship with Robin. 

“No. I was hoping it would just be us two,” I admitted. 

“Oh… yeah. We can… we can do that,” Robin responded. Her head felt like it was spinning. This was a fever dream. There was no way Billy Hargrove’s sister was asking her on a date. She was popular and a cheerleader. Robin was the kid who talked too much and didn’t really get social cues. She was awkward and fell into the background, often forgotten by her classmates. 

“Good. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night. Does seven work?” I asked, leaning on the counter. 

I felt elated as Robin scribbled her address and number on my checkout slip. I couldn’t believe I had done it. I was going on a date with a girl. 

When I turned around, I noticed neither Billy nor Steve was in the store. I caught movement in the window and realized they had been spying on us. I sighed carefully, tucking Robin’s information into the VHS tape cover for safekeeping. 

Billy and Steve were conspiratorially whispering as I exited the store. Seeing them getting along was the biggest surprise of the day. Did Steve know? Probably by the way he looked at me. He wore a dopey grin. 

“Let’s go,” I said, ignoring the smug look on my brother’s face as we walked to his car and pulled the doors open. 

“Did you do it?” Billy asked as soon as his door was closed. 

“Yes. We’re going to the movies tomorrow night,” I answered, refusing to look at his gloating expression. 

“See? You’re not totally hopeless,” he teased as he turned the key in the ignition. 

I didn’t even glare at him. I was too happy to be irritated and too busy smiling down at Robin’s crooked handwriting in my fingers. 

…

There were clothes scattered all around Max’s and I’s shared room. I had practically emptied out the entire closet in search of something to wear. Max sat on her bed, forced to listen to whatever music I had chosen. 

“Do you have a date or something?” Max asked, watching me reject my sixth outfit.

“No,” I poorly defended. My voice was a little off, and my expression would be a clear giveaway if I were facing Max. 

“Good. Boys aren’t worth that much effort,” Max said. She and Lucas were in another rough patch. I swear they broke up once a week. It was always over something minor, usually something Lucas did. 

Max was headstrong and refused to squander her independence. She also tried to bestow me with the same values. It wasn’t that easy for me. I hadn’t grown up an only child. Billy and I depended on each other, it was the only way we’d managed to survive being under the same roof as our father. 

“Then why are you getting dressed up?” Max demanded, moving to sit at the end of her bed with her legs crossed beneath her. 

I glanced down at my jeans and shirt. It wasn’t anything too different than what I normally wore. I had purposely crafted something nice that wouldn’t raise questions. 

“I’m not,” I argued. Sure, I had curled my hair and applied some eyeshadow, but it wasn’t that noticeable. “I’m just going to the movies with a friend,” I added, hoping Max wouldn’t question it further. All the girls on the cheer squad had worn makeup and cute clothes everywhere. Me dressing to fit in wouldn’t have been surprising. I did it all through high school. 

“A guy friend?” Max accused with narrowed eyes. 

“No. I’m going with Robin,” I corrected, sticking my tongue out at the girl. 

“Steve’s friend, Robin?” Max questioned in surprise. 

“Yes, that Robin. What other Robin is there?” I exasperated, turning back to the pile of clothes on my bed. I didn’t like the top I had on. It didn’t look right with my jeans.

“So… it is a date then,” Max quietly voiced. Her words were hesitant and drawn out. 

I froze. Every muscle hurt from the sudden tension. My chest felt like someone had wrung my heart between their hands until it was a mangled mess. 

Please, let me have heard Max wrong. 

“What?” My tone was squeaky as I refused to look at the redhead behind me. I felt like sobbing. How did Max know?

“You like her, don’t you? I’ve seen you stare at her yearbook photo and… I saw you at the mall this summer, trying to talk yourself into going into Scoops,” Max slowly confessed. 

Had Max known all this time? I thought I’d been careful. If Max knew who else did? Was it that obvious? If I was that bad at hiding it, it was only a matter of time until others knew. How long until my dad pieced it together?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied, forcing myself to start moving again. I couldn’t look at the younger girl. I would break. 

“You look at her the same way Will looks at Mike,” Max announced in a gentle voice. It was a far softer and somber tone than I had ever heard from the girl. 

I couldn’t help but turn towards the girl in bewilderment. Not just because of the information about Max’s friend group, but because the girl didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Maybe it was because of my father’s viewpoint on queer relationships and how easily he spewed slurs at Billy, that I was weary. I had been scared of anyone other than Billy knowing. I assumed everyone would be repulsed by it, and Billy was the exception. 

When Billy first found out, I’d sobbed. I had managed to get a hold of a tape of The Blue Lagoon from a friend. I knew Dad would lose it if he caught me watching such a film. I’d put it on when Dad was at work and Billy was out surfing with his friends. I hadn’t expected Billy to be back anytime soon, usually, he was gone for hours, but the waves were small that day. He’d come back to find me on the couch with the movie paused on Emmeline’s nudity scene. I was thirteen and completely enamored by the character’s actress.

I hadn’t even heard the door open, having no idea Billy had been standing in the doorway. He’d stared at the bare girl on the screen, then at the awed longing on my face. 

He didn’t understand why the movie was paused on the female. He knew there was a male all the girls fawned over who got his own nude scene. He was unsure of what was happening until it suddenly clicked. He would have paused the movie there too, because he liked women.

Billy cleared his throat, and I whipped my head toward him, startled. I was caught and done for. 

“Billy! I didn’t hear you come in,” I said, turning a vibrant pink. How long had he been standing there?

“What are you doing?” He asked cautiously. He wanted confirmation that his theory was correct. He needed to be sure. If he was right, they had to keep it from their father. 

“Nothing. I was just watching a movie,” I responded in an uneven voice. 

“It’s paused,” he pointed out with scrutinizing eyes. 

“I was about to turn it off. Not my thing,” I rushed, fumbling with the remote before shutting off the television. “I’ll be in my room,” I declared, hurrying to dismiss myself. I wanted to crawl under my bed and melt into the floor.

Billy stood, watching me walk down the hall. He knew he couldn’t let me walk away without an answer. Before he could think of something considerate to say, the words tumbled out of his mouth. 

“I get it, Brooke Shields is hot,” he blurted, causing me to pause midstep. Was he not appalled? “I would have paused the movie there too, but you need to be careful. What if that had been Dad home early?” He continued. 

The statement only made me feel worse. I didn’t want to think about what our father would do more than necessary. It was my biggest fear. He wouldn’t accept a perverted daughter, and that’s what I was, wasn’t I? Dad always spat on people like me whenever he crossed them. He would act civil until he was out of earshot, then he would lecture and comment on their ‘vile’ behavior, never afraid of using slurs. If only he knew his daughter was one of those people. I’d tried to not like girls, but I couldn’t help it. It made me feel broken and dirty; every lecture from our father made me feel worse. I had been sure others would feel the same if they knew. It was why Billy’s calm reaction had confused me. 

“I only paused it so I could turn it off,” I lied. 

“There’s nothing wrong with it. I get it. I like girls too,” Billy claimed, leaning against the wall. 

“I don’t like girls,” I said, knowing it was a lie. I never lied to Billy, not just because I was bad at it but because he was my best friend. He knew more about me than anyone. We needed each other, but this? I couldn’t tell him. He could never know.

“It’s okay if you do,” he said calmly. He’d needed me to know it didn’t change anything. Sure, he’d said some things in the past to kids he didn’t like, but he didn’t believe any of what our dad said. He felt guilt for it now, seeing the panic on his twin’s face, wondering if I believed he would think less of me for it.

“I don’t like girls,” I spat with vigor. 

“It’s okay.”

“Stop saying that. I don’t like girls,” my voice was barely restrained and trembling. I felt pressure behind my eyes.

Billy slowly dragged out my name. He was giving me this pitying look, I had only seen one other time after our father had broken my miniature porcelain cat set. It was a gift from our mother on the last birthday we’d had together. 

“I don’t like girls! I don’t! I don’t like girls!” I yelled, desperate for him to believe it. He looked blurry as tears poured down my cheeks. 

Billy and I hardly ever hugged. Billy wasn’t physically affectionate. He hadn’t been since our mother left. The rare times we did hug were when one of us got in trouble with our father. He’d sneak into my room after lights out and patch me up, and I’d do the same for him. When it was really bad, we’d share a bed, not wanting to sleep alone. 

Most of the time, he was the one with the bruises. Now that we were older, it wasn’t often he let me offer comfort. I think the only reason he let me was because it helped me feel useful, like I was protecting him in some way.

  That day as I teared up, he didn’t hesitate to step forward and trap me to his chest. He’d held me as I’d sobbed harder. I was relieved he didn’t shun me. I didn’t know what I’d do without him, and after that day, we’d been even closer. It was another secret we hid from our father, tying us together. 

At times, it really felt like it was just Billy and me against the world. Yet here was Max, who seemed to feel the same way about the situation as Billy did. 

The redhead sat patiently waiting for my reaction. If she hadn’t told anyone yet, she likely wouldn’t. I had a closer relationship with Max than Billy did, and I trusted her more. 

Max was already sure, so it wasn’t much of a leap of faith to confirm it: “Yes, it’s a date, but I don’t know if she knows that.”

Max beamed a smile before hopping off her bed. “Then you better wear your cool sweater,” Max advised, moving me out of the way to dig through the stack of clothing. She passed a green and brown sweater to me, and I took it gratefully. 

“Does it look okay?” I asked, showing the redhead eying the attire. With her approval, I grabbed my purse and headed to conquer the biggest task of all. I knocked on the bedroom door, pulling it open once I received an answer. 

“Billy,” I greeted, dragging out his name. 

“Yeah. Yeah. I got you covered,” he said as he sipped on his beer can. 

“Actually, Dad and Susan know I’m going to the movies,” I clarified. “I was hoping I could borrow the Camaro.”

“You want to borrow my car?” He scoffed. 

“Please. Robin doesn’t have a car, and if I ask Susan to borrow her car, Dad will just make you drive me and–” My voice grew quiet, despite the door shielding them from prying ears. “–I can’t have my brother drive me to pick up my date.”

Billy stared at me for an uncomfortable amount of time before rolling his eyes and sighing, “You put even a scratch in my car and you’re paying for it. I mean it. I’ll never let you drive it again.”

“Thank you!” I cheered as he tossed me the keys from his nightstand. 

…

Robin was patiently waiting at the curb by her house. The sun was already setting as she stood nervously picking at her nails. She didn’t know what to think. Steve had insisted it was a date, which surprised her. Hadn’t they just been talking about how this girl had liked him? She hoped it was a date, she’d put in a little extra effort just in case.  

She heard the muscle car before she saw it. She felt her hopes drop a bit. Billy was driving them. It definitely wasn’t a date then. 

The car pulled to a rough stop, and the window was rolled down. Robin was relieved to see only the female twin inside. 

It was odd to sit inside the Camaro, usually accompanied by loud metal music. Now Queen softly filtered through the speakers. It almost made Robin’s head spin. 

“You look nice,” I commented. I didn’t know how to date women. Was I supposed to act more masculine? Pull the same moves guys did? I shook the thoughts from my head. Billy was right, I was thinking too much. 

“Thank you. You look nice too,” Robin replied. 

“So I was thinking that we can get food at the theater. If we’re still hungry, we can stop and get food after,” I offered. 

“What movie are we watching?” Robin asked, glancing over at the girl beside her. 

“April Fool’s Day,” I answered. 

“Is it a horror movie?” Robin skeptically asked. 

“Yes, but don’t worry. I heard it’s not that scary,” I comforted. 

Robin nodded as they pulled into the parking lot. She didn’t handle horror movies well. The last thing she wanted was to completely embarrass herself in front of her crush. Her worry was interrupted by me looping my arm through hers, leading us into the theater. Robin hadn’t been expecting the contact, and I had done it before I thought it through. It messed with both of our abilities to think.

The theater was only mildly busy, surprising for a Saturday night. We each ordered a drink and a large buttered popcorn to share. I’d refused to let Robin pay a single dime. This was a date, and I was going to do it right. 

We picked seats near the back corner of the theater. Only about half of the theater was filled. The previews hadn’t even started yet. I leaned on the armrest between us in an attempt to be closer to the brunette and patiently waited for the lights to dim. I couldn’t make any sort of move or contact with a chance of others witnessing it. It’s part of why I chose a horror movie. I didn’t want to scare Robin necessarily, but I hoped to hold her hand. 

The theater didn’t fill much more as the previews began, and the seats beside us remained empty. I noticed Robin fidgeting. She was twisting her rings and tapping her fingers on her black jeans. I struggled to keep my jittery energy contained. Half the battle was getting Robin on a date, which was done. She did know it was a date, right?

We passed glances back and forth, quickly looking away with small smiles when we caught each other's eyes. I felt like I was a freshman again, exchanging glances in English class. 

Once the movie started, I crossed one leg over the other, letting my calf rest against Robin’s leg. The other girl didn’t move away but tensed at the unexpected contact before relaxing. The contact was warm and had me wanting to lean further into her. If only we were on a couch in a living room and not here.  I snuck a peek at the girl and saw hints of red on her cheeks in the screen light. Robin had a small grin on her face as she bit her lip, staring sheepishly at her lap. She looked over at me to find my eyes already on her. 

I sent her a silent questioning look, asking if it was okay. It was also a look that bordered on smug, which I suppose is from spending too much time with Billy. Robin didn’t pull away or remove her eyes. Her smile twitched before she turned back to her lap. We sat with our shoulders pressed together in the dark.

I was hardly watching the movie. All I could think about was how I was going to swindle my way into holding Robin’s hand. I couldn’t just reach for it, could I? Would that be too forward?

At the first jump scare, Robin jolted, releasing a small squeak. I moved my arm closer, not yet confident enough to reach for the other girl. At the second of Robin’s jumps, I reached over and wrapped my hand around the other girl’s. 

Robin glanced around at the seats around them. Once she was sure no one was looking, she turned her hand to lace her fingers with mine. It was a great confidence boost. 

For Robin, she was still worried that she was being hopeful about it being a date. In her mind, there was still a chance I was just trying to comfort her, that I was just a friend who liked physical contact. Steve was a touchy friend with shoulder pats, hugs, and fist bumps. It wasn’t out of the question that I was too. Either way, Robin holding a girl’s hand for a horror movie wasn’t weird for friends, but me dragging my thumb over her knuckles might have been weird for friends. Then there was the occasional squeezing of her hand. Not to mention how my head landed on her shoulder. 

I could smell Robin’s shampoo and perfume as my cheek rested on her shoulder. It was calming, yet my heart was racing. I’d never gotten this far with a girl, nor had I ever liked one as much as Robin. 

It felt like I was ripped from a dream when the lights were turned on. We both reluctantly pulled away with flushed faces. I wished that I had chosen a longer movie. Why couldn’t the theater have a rerun of Gone with the Wind ? Four hours next to Robin sounded wonderful. 

We quietly walked back to the Camaro side by side, letting our hands brush as we walked. Robin smiled as I opened the passenger door for her, ducking her head bashfully as she slid into the passenger seat. 

“What did you think about the movie?” I asked as I pulled onto the road. 

“It was pretty good. I enjoyed it, which I wasn’t expecting to. Horror movies aren’t really my thing, but I’m glad you asked me to see it. It was fun. I had fun,” Robin admitted. 

“So you’d wanna go out with me again?” I asked hopefully, tapping my fingers on the wheel. I wanted another date with this girl so bad. I wanted a hundred dates with her. 

“I would enjoy that,” Robin answered before letting a small silence take over. She decided it was her time to make a move as we got closer to her house. “I’m free tomorrow and after band on most school days. If you wanna do this again,” Robin offered as I pulled to the curb. She was shyly smiling. 

“Yeah, I can do that. You can pick the movie this time,” I said as I shifted the car into park. Robin moved to get out, and I blurted out, “Wait!”

Robin stopped and waited expectantly. The courage died a little in my throat as I turned off the car. 

I didn’t have a plan. It just felt like once she got out of the car, the little dream I was in would end. I wanted her to stay longer. I wanted it to be a proper date. I was pretty sure she knew it was a date. I’d held her hand. 

I pulled one of my legs onto the seat so I could sit sideways, facing Robin. Robin looked confused with knitted brows and slightly parted lips. 

I couldn’t help but stare at her parted mouth as I mumbled without thought, “Can I kiss you?”

Robin's eyebrows shot up under her bangs as she listened. She hadn’t imagined her night ending like this, not even in her best dreams. Robin was sure she had misheard. 

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?” I repeated with more confidence as I moved closer. I felt like I would combust if she said no. My heart would burst into flames and consume me. 

Robin was unable to form words as she softly nodded.  

There on the dark street with no one else to see, I leaned across the center console and gently pressed my lips to Robin’s. With my palm cupping her cheek, I could taste the movie theater popcorn and cola Robin had snacked on. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I whispered as I pulled back. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to just stay in the car and kiss her till my lips were numb, but I didn’t want to ask for too much.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow,” Robin replied with a wide smile.

I couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss her again. I was sure she could feel how hard I was smiling. 

The porch light of her house turned on, and I pulled away. Maybe I could kiss her again tomorrow, and eventually, out in the open. Not in Hawkins, but maybe if things went right, I could take her back to San Diego, even for a summer trip. I could kiss her on the beach and at the movies. It was such a big city that most people wouldn’t even care. People weren’t so small-minded there. 

I watched as she made her way up the front path to her house. Robin reached up and touched her lips as she walked away. It wasn’t until Robin was safely inside that the Camaro roared to life, hiding the squeal of celebration from inside. I couldn’t wait to go home and tell Billy.