Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Graduation from Night Raven college was only days ago. It was something Epel had been looking forward to since he started his fourth year. Travelling, doing internships, it was all so enthralling, and exciting, but when he got back to home base, he was more happy than anything. Because that’s where Jack was. They didn’t get to be around each other much, they were both doing wildly different things, trying to get into separate careers. Epel had been working in the mechanics field, repairing magical machinery and just regular old cars, while Jack was doing training to become a teacher. Epel was extremely proud of him, and knew he would do well in that field, even with his sometimes rough exterior.

Yawning softly, Epel rolled over, groaning softly as the light peaking through the curtains managed to shine right into his face. It was too annoying, and he couldn’t be bothered to deal with it, so he rolled over to the other side of the bed instead. He had only been home a short time now, and yet he still was getting used to waking up alone again. He and Jack had spent a few nights together, but he had gone home last night, and Epel felt rather cold, falling asleep without Jack’s body heat there with him.

With a small sigh, Epel sat up, running a hand through his hair. He was still tired, but there was noise downstairs, and in the hall outside his door. He assumed his cousins were up and causing a ruckus. Whatever, Epel didn’t mind, he should be up anyways, he slept through both of his alarms. He had chores to do out in the fields, and he needed to help his grandma out with some stuff around the house, the other adults were busy.

Getting out of his bed, Epel noticed that his head was spinning, just a bit. He rested a hand on the wall and rubbed his eyes, sighing. Headrush, he assumed, and went to find something suitable to wear. It was the summer time now, so something light and airy should do it, a pair of jeans and a button up. After he found clothes to get dressed properly, Epel went to the window, opening the curtains and letting the light stream in, smiling slightly at the way the sun felt against his skin. He loved the winter, but summer was always a great change too.

Another yawn escaped his lips as he took his pyjama pants off, scratching his chin as he went to put his jeans on. He hadn’t worn a pair in a bit now, with the jumper suits they had you wear at the garage. But, once he got up to the button, he found himself struggling a bit. Epel had always struggled to gain weight, and he was surprised that he had, even if it was just a little bit, enough for his jeans not to want to close.

Huffing, Epel gave up and threw his pants off to the side, trudging to the closet to find a pair of overalls he could throw on instead. They were still comfortable, and light, so he didn’t see why it would make much of a difference.

Well, the difference was now he knew he needed new pants. It wasn’t often back at school he had worn something other than the uniforms, and during his jobs he didn’t change up his attire much either.. Well, that settled it, he probably just needed to go to the clothes shop and get something new, it had been years since he last went, after all. It was due time for him to start switching things up, and his clothes were pretty worn out from field work. He decided he would go this week, since he had nothing better to do.

Finally dressed for the day, Epel made his way downstairs, swerving around his cousins, who had no perception of moving out of the way for others. It always amazed him just how ignorant those kids were, but it sort of reminded him of himself when he was that age. He was raised alone, and at least his cousins had each other, since Epel was a good deal older than them when they were born. He couldn’t relate to them very much, and every time he did try to speak to them, he barely understood what they were talking about.

His grandmother, Marja, was in the kitchen cooking up a large breakfast when Epel walked in, but she took notice, smiling brightly. “There’s our graduate!" She cheered, and Epel chuckled softly. He had been hearing that a lot, from the older people of the family, or just around town. Epel had gone to a very large school, hard to get into, and made it through all four years to graduation. Despite all of the hardships, or the nights he would lie awake missing home, he made it there. He had made some good friends, better memories. And because of the good recommendations Vil put for him, Epel had landed a couple of modelling gigs for beauty companies. He had used some of that money for getting a car, and the rest went towards his savings for when he finally decided to move out.

Marja quickly wiped off her hands so she could waddle over and give her eldest grandson a tight hug, and a kiss on the cheek. Epel loved her dearly, and he wasn't sure what he would do when she finally passed. He hated thinking about that more, though, and tried to focus on what she was making. “Just some pancakes and sausage, dear." Marja informed him, and Epel nodded.

“Fine with me, it sounds great! I'm gonna run out and see to the garden for ‘ya!” Epel went out the back door, grabbing a half full watering can on his way. He stopped at a small raised flower bed he and his grandmother had planted a few years ago, making sure there were no rotting leaves getting too bad, or caterpillars nibbling on the stems before pouring the water over the bright petals. ”If I were to have children someday, I would want a good memory like this for them. “ Epel thought to himself, taking in the beauty of the flowers that he and his grandmother raised year after year.

Taking his boots off before he went inside, Epel suddenly felt a little dizzy again, prompting him to use the wall for a little bit of support. It wasn't bad, just enough to make his vision darken and his limbs limp, but he tried to shake it off. How could that have taken so much energy out of him..?

That’s when things started to go wrong. The moment he got through the back door, the scent of sausages sizzling on the stove hit his senses, and a wave of nausea hit him. He gagged, quickly covering his mouth with his hand. Marja looked over, dropping the spatula and rushing over to see if he was alright. He shook his head, and Marja led him to the trash bin, rubbing his back gently as Epel tried not to throw up. Unfortunately, no matter how much he tried, the overwhelming smell didn’t help him hold it back. He felt his grandmother’s hand patting his back gently as he retched over the bin.

Finishing up, Marja told him to go back to bed, and Epel shook his head. “What..? No, no, I have chores out in the field.. I just got a little nauseous when I smelled the food, I’m fine..” She wasn’t having it, still trying to get her grandson to get to bed. Epel still refused, but Marja smacked him against the head and started to get a bit more upset with him.

“Being sick is no joke, Epel!” She scolded him, pushing him towards the stairs. “Go put on something comfortable and get back down here for breakfast, I’ll make you something easy!” Epel groaned, but knew there was nothing he could do. His grandmother was stubborn as hell, and he wouldn’t get out of this. Whatever she said went, and so did Epel up to his room to put on a t-shirt and sweats.

Once he was changed, Epel went right back downstairs, holding his breath when he went into the kitchen. Marja watched, chuckling a bit as she worked around the stove, the other kids running in and out to grab plates she served up for them and go sit at the table where she told them to. Epel decided maybe he just needed some water, and reached up to open the cupboard, his shirt riding up to his chest. It really solidified to him he needed new clothing, even his shirts were a few sizes too small on him now.

He heard his grandma stop moving around, and Epel looked over with a brow raised. He didn’t know what the big deal was, it was just a small shirt, but then he noticed the exact look in her eyes. Something of concern, maybe confusion, and he pulled his shirt down, setting the cup he grabbed on the counter.

“Epel, have you been coming and eating at night?” She teased him, and he scowled. “I’m just saying, honey, you look like you’ve gained some weight, that’s unusual for you, ain’t it? You never did eat much, and then were always runnin’ around outside. Is everything alright?”

Not exactly understanding, Epel looked down at himself, shrugging. “I dunno, other than throwing up just now and being dizzy all mornin’, nothing different..” He explained, running a hand through his hair. What was she even getting at? Was she making fun of him? Hell, maybe she was right, he did feel.. A sense of weird. Something about how he felt right now, it wasn’t normal sickness, it was too strange, it just felt different than it should if it were a flu.

Sighing softly, Epel put his hand on his forehead in defeat. Hell, maybe he did just catch something. His cousins always brought some shit around, so it wouldn’t be too surprising. Marja came over and made sure he didn’t feel hot, then told him to go ahead back upstairs and draw himself a bath. She would bring him his breakfast there.

Epel was confused. He barely got sick, he had always just. Eaten dirt and skinned his knees so much as a kid he had a strong system. That added with his family’s healthy standards, it was a miracle Epel so easily avoided flus or such. He caught colds, had allergies, but throwing up was always out of the question. He was trying to figure it out, too, as he turned on the water for the tub. Food poisoning wasn’t it, the rest of the family would be miserable too. And nobody else seemed very sick. Maybe a flu, but once again, nobody else was sick. Jack had left recently, and he had little siblings, so he shot him a text asking if he was feeling sick too before he threw in some relaxing bubbles and salts to the water. Whatever it was, Epel just wanted it to go away so he could get on with his life.

Just as he was getting his shirt off, Epel glanced into the mirror, frowning. His grandmother was right, he did show a weight gain. His hands drifted down to his stomach, poking it a couple of times. It was squishy, but still somehow firm. He hadn’t been doing anything different with his diet, so why the weight gain? He shook his head, deciding it must just be part of growing up, and slipped into the tub.

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By the evening, something was very wrong, and Epel’s family could tell. Him clutching the toilet projectile vomiting was proof enough for that. His mother suggested they go to the local doctor, and Epel couldn’t say he had any better of an idea. He was given a trash bag to clutch onto while his father drove him down into the main town. Epel wasn’t even sure if anyone would still be there, no matter how much Marja assured him that somebody would always be there to help out. Sure enough, the lights were still on, and a doctor was there. Although he was getting ready to leave. Epel’s father explained, and the doctor said he could check it out really quickly before leaving.

Epel was nervous, sitting in the doctor’s small exam room waiting for him to finish checking his vitals. “Blood pressure is a little low, that’ll explain the dizziness.” He commented, going to press the stethoscope to Epel’s chest, and seeing him bite his lip. “Is there an issue, Mister Felmier?”

“Hm?” He looked up, brows furrowed and he pressed his palm against the side of his chest. “No, I just.. noticed my chest feels sore.. It’s felt that way a few times the last few weeks, but I’ve been ignoring it, to be fair..” The doctor nodded, writing it down on his clipboard.

“And you say you’re gaining weight, but claim to be doing nothing differently?” Epel nodded in agreement. The doctor sighed, and suddenly, looked a little more uncomfortable. “Do you happen to be sexually active with other men, Mister Felmier?” Shocked, Epel looked away. Yeah, now he was embarrassed, but he couldn’t avoid that question. He nodded. This was the same doctor he had since he was a kid, it was obviously weird to tell him he was now having sex whenever he could with his college friend…

The doctor excused himself, telling Epel to just go ahead and wait right there, he had to grab something. When he came back, Epel tried to peek at what he was holding. “Epel, there have been a lot of studies lately showing that some men have a bit of a messed up chromosome disorder that causes you to be able to get pregnant. Just as a precaution, and to just be able to get it off the table, I’d like you to take a pregnancy test. Can you do that for me?” The doctor shoved the item into Epel’s hand, and he looked down at it, still wrapped in the plastic.

He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to believe any of it was possible. But he knew it was. After he had watched Vil go through it, he knew it was possible.. But it couldn’t be, not for him. He almost threw up again the moment he was in the bathroom, but he swallowed it down. He really did need to pee, he was more focused on puking the last few hours than on any other basic need, so it wasn’t hard to get a sample. Luckily, the doctor explained how to do it before he went in, but Epel was still nervous he did it wrong. He was just nervous about whatever results he was going to get either way…

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Sitting in the living room, Marja saw the headlights in the driveway, and she held her breath. She had been trying to do sewing to keep her busy, to not think about her grandson, but now that he was home she was back on edge. even when she heard the door to the truck open and slam, she panicked. They didn’t sound happy, and she could hear her son yelling at Epel all the way up to the door.

Epel threw the door open and stormed upstairs without a word, his father still yelling at him the whole way up, about how he could be so stupid. Marja got up and walked over to him, smacking his arm and telling him to shush up. “What could he have possibly done that warrants that gosh darn behaviour?!” She whisper-shouted.

“Well, mama, someone went and got himself knocked up!”

Chapter Text

Sobbing was the only thing Epel could do, laying in bed. He hadn’t slept all night, between crying and throwing up, he was never able to. His father had been extremely angry, and berated him in the car all the way until they got home. It was obvious to anyone who saw him trudging back from the bathroom to his bedroom that he was sick beyond belief, and he didn’t show signs of getting better. Sure, he could go a couple hours without puking, but it was a constant cycle all night. His cousins had complained the toilet flushing was making way too much noise more than once.

When morning finally came around, Epel was exhausted, laying in bed, his chest heaving up and down with his heavy breathing. He was just trying not to throw up again, he had just gotten comfortable a few minutes ago in bed. He just wanted to get some sleep, but his mind and heart were racing at the same pace. He felt dizzy, sick, and mentally he was just as terrible.

A knock on his door made Epel look up, and he bit his lip when his grandmother walked in. Marja walked over to the bed and sat by Epel, taking his hand and watching his pained face for a moment. She wasn’t sure what to say to him, and Epel the same to her. They just watched each other, Marja more and more concerned by the second for the health of her grandson. They both didn’t believe it was possible, even though they had read articles or seen someone while in the city. But men getting pregnant was still so strange to them both.

“Oh, darling..” She muttered, pulling Epel into her arms and letting him sob into her chest, petting his hair and shushing him. “It’s ok… you’ll be fine…” Marja was trying to comfort him, listening to his wheezing cries.

“My life is ruined!” He managed to breathe out, clutching his grandmother’s robe. She just let him hold on, let him cry. “Gram… I Wanna get an abortion, I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna tell the father…”

Patting his back, Marja shook her head. “Epel, he’d have to sign off on it, you would have to tell him.. You can’t get out of this, there’s no easy way.. And if you really don’t want this, talk to him, let him know that and you won’t take a no.”

That was the issue. Epel knew if he told Jack, and then told him he wanted an abortion, Jack would be destroyed. They had talked a bit once about what they wanted later in life, and Jack had said once or twice he wanted to have kids. Not many, he had grown up with a lot of siblings, one or two of his own would be good. Epel, on the other hand, still wasn’t sure about it. Well, not like he had much of a choice now, he had a positive test and no way of telling Jack without throwing up or breaking out into tears. How was he even supposed to start that conversation?

And Epel didn’t know who he was supposed to talk to about this. He had his family, but his father wasn’t happy, his mother had just stood in his door staring at him in shock for a few minutes before leaving. Marja was the only one who was trying to comfort him, and he wasn’t sure why. She was older than his parents, and yet, she was taking this so much better than her own son…

Wiping his nose on his sleeve, Epel looked up at Marja. “Gram.. Can you make me some tea..? For my stomach..?” He asked meekly, and Marja kissed his cheek, getting up and leaving the room. He mainly just wanted to be alone again, to think about what he was supposed to do. It was keeping him from crying any further, so that was better than not.

What was he even supposed to do right now? The best thing to do was to text Jack, and tell him flat out what was going on. He needed to grow a pair and tell Jack about this pregnancy, and the fact he wanted to abort it. But he knew it would upset Jack, to know his only kid was never gonna see its life. But they were both nineteen, why would they ever want this..? They couldn’t be raising a baby, they were barely starting careers any time soon. Jack would be taking up a job at a private school at the end of August, and Epel was waiting to move out before picking up a job at an auto shop. Currently? His grandmother gave him a good allowance each couple weeks for helping on the farm as much as he did. But he wouldn’t be able to work, so he wouldn’t be getting paid for some time. Plus, he didn’t have near enough savings for rent.

Sighing, Epel stood up to go back to the bathroom. His stomach was still churning, and he needed to either throw up or drink some water. When he got into the bathroom, he stopped to look in the mirror. His grandma had mentioned he looked a bit different weight wise, so Epel stripped his shirt off, staring at himself in the mirror. From the front, he didn’t see it. But when he turned to the side, he suddenly noticed it. His stomach was slightly swollen, popping out just enough to notice. It made Epel wonder just how long this had been going on, how long it took for him to notice. His hand drifted over it, just barely touching the small bump. How had he not noticed it, noticed he was pregnant at all?

It wasn’t important. Marja knocked on his door, asking if he still wanted his tea. He said yes, saying he would sip on it in the bath, he needed a good soak. “Don’t make the water too hot, darling, it’s not good for you.” She told him through the door, as he reached out to grab the tea before locking the door behind him. He could hear voices, and he assumed two options. His cousins getting told to not knock on the door for an hour or so, or that Marja was fighting with her son again. Epel didn’t care anymore, sinking into the water, trying to shut his eyes and forget everything.

After his bath, Epel went back to his room, resting a hand on his stomach as he stared at his phone in his hand. He had to say something. Jack had texted him back, saying he felt fine, but was now texting Epel to see if he was ok, every few hours when the other never responded. He hovered over that keyboard, but in the end, all he said was he caught a virus, and to watch out. After that, he tossed his phone on the bed, groaning.

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Epel’s eyes opened, and he didn’t even realise he had fallen asleep. Someone was shaking his shoulder, gently whispering his name. He, at first, assumed it was his grandmother, groaning and swatting them away, but then it was a bit more firm. His mother. Epel turned over to look at her, his eyes still obviously tired, and not in any mood. Epel had always been hot headed, but from lack of sleep and general pains from constant throwing up, he was in no great mood.

His mother crossed her arms, looking away from him. She was obviously uncomfortable, that made two of them. “Dinner.” She simply said, and then rushed out. Well, despite being hungry, Epel didn’t know if he could even keep food down, he hadn’t tried since this morning and who said he would even like what was being cooked? He decided it couldn’t hurt to check, at least, and trudged down the stairs to the dining room.

The moment he was down there, his aunt made a comment about how he should be up in his room, so as to not get the younger kids sick, and his father shot back that he was far from contagious. Epel shot him a look before going into the kitchen, where Marja was. She rushed over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Well, morning sunshine, does it look good? It’s just a stew, I assumed it would be easy.” Epel nodded, taking a bowl from her. “Go sit out in the living room, my house, my rules, your father better say nothing!” She yelled the last part, ensuring he would hear as Epel went to sit on the couch.

The couch was a lot more comfortable than the wood chairs would have been. Curled up in bed for so long, it messed with his back, one reason he tried so hard to avoid getting sick. Plus, he had a headache, from crying for so long.

Looking down at the stew, Epel’s brow creased. He wanted to eat it, really he did. But his stomach churned each time he fiddled with the spoon. Then again.. If he didn’t eat, he would never feel better, and he just needed to power through. The first bite felt terrible, but he gave himself time between them. It gave the soup time to cool off, and him time to recover from each bite before moving on. He got halfway through the bowl before he felt overwhelmingly nauseated. He set the bowl to the side, and laid down on the couch, taking some deep breaths to keep what he ate down.

Once his stomach calmed down, Epel took the half full bowl to the kitchen, setting it on the counter. He wanted to eat more, but he physically couldn’t. He was sure it would all come back up in an hour, but then he could try eating again. He wanted to see a doctor, just to see if they could alleviate any of this, but.. well, he didn’t intend on being pregnant very much longer. If he couldn’t gain the courage to tell Jack, he would gladly lock himself in the shed outside with a few bottles of the hardest cider he had and try to drink it away. If he could drink enough in one sitting, surely that would terminate it, right?

Actually, now that he was thinking about that, it somehow felt sad. He put a hand on his stomach once more as he walked upstairs. He had so many questions, and no answers. He needed to schedule an appointment to check this. He got back in his room and called his doctor, asking a few questions. How far would you say I am? How can I help the sick feeling? It was basic small things that were easily answered, and he asked Epel to try and come in tomorrow afternoon. He agreed, since he had nothing better to do than to lie in bed.

Getting up out of bed again, Epel started to pace. He needed someone he could talk to! Someone he could confide in, because he never would have thought this would happen to him… Stopping in front of the mirror on his wall, Epel threw his shirt off, glaring at himself as he faced the side. He couldn’t un-see it now, the way his stomach had swollen up just a bit, and he could run his hand over it. He looked at his phone, groaning. His finger hovered over Jack’s contact, he was just going to call him now and figure this out!

.. But he ended up clicking on Deuce’s icon instead, listening to the dial tone. It took a few seconds, but finally, the other picked up.

“Wow, haven’t heard from you in a week, thought Jack was over?” Deuce was obviously still picking up from his own dinner, but Epel couldn’t respond to him. He couldn’t say a word. “Uhm… Is everything ok? Did something happen between you two? Epel, I know we haven’t talked much since we went home, but you can tell me anything.”

Still keeping his silence, Epel felt tears in his eyes, looking back at himself. “Man… I got myself in a whole basket of trouble… I don’t know what to do, I can’t call Jack because I dunno what I would even say to him! I just need someone right now I can confide in..”

“Hey, woah, you don’t sound good. Epel, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“I never thought, on all the gods, I would ever say this to someone.. that it would ever happen to me… Deuce, I’m fuckin’ pregnant, and I’m scared, I don’t know what to do…”

There was a pause, and Deuce could tell that Epel was serious by his silent cries that broke through here and there. Finally, Deuce crossed his arms after setting down a plate in his hand. “Epel, holy shit, dude. You’re serious, you’re pregnant?” He didn’t get a response, just more broken sobs. “It’s not a bad thing! I’m not judging you, I swear! I’m just shocked! It’s Jack’s, right?”

“Who else would I have had sex with?!” Epel snapped, and then sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m just stressed out, my father is pissed, mama won’t speak to me! I want an abortion, I really do, but I’m not sure I can gain enough courage to tell Jack that…”

“Epel, I don’t mean to be rude, but he needs to know! I shouldn’t have been the first one to hear about this! You know he’ll take it well, I’m sure of it!”

“But that’s the issue! I don’t want to have a baby right now! Jack would be fine with it and I ain’t! I’m nineteen, and I didn’t even know I could get pregnant! Who knows how far I even am, I’m already showing!”

They didn’t chat much longer, with Epel starting to feel nauseated once more, and he hung up for the night. Just before he put his phone down, Epel snapped a photo of his slight belly, sending it to Deuce, maybe to prove he wasn’t lying. He wasn’t crying for nothing. He had such a valid reason to do it. He was stuck with this burden, of a child he didn’t want, but no courage to come clean about it to the father. He wanted to, he wanted Jack here right now to hold him and tell him everything was ok, but Epel couldn’t mentally do it.

Chapter Text

Nervous as he got into his car, Epel looked into his own eyes through the mirror above him. He needed to go to this appointment, just to see what his options were… If he could get an abortion without Jack's consent, if he even could since he wasn’t sure how far he was, and other things such as. In Epel’s opinion, he only just needed a temporary fix, he didn’t want to be pregnant much longer than a couple more weeks. He had told that to Deuce last night, and the man had the audacity to tell him to think it over more. What was there to re-think? Epel didn’t want to have a baby, he didn’t want to tell Jack about it, and he was going to get rid of this issue no matter what it took. Whether it be legally or with a lot of alcohol.

Actually, Epel wanted more than anything to just have a hand to hold right now. He was scared, more than he had been in such a long time. In the last couple years of school, he had so many friends, he had Jack there with him, too. But right now, Epel couldn’t even get the courage to message him. He wished the man was still next to him in bed every morning, holding onto him with his strong tan arms. But no. Jack was back in his home, with his family, and he doubted someone like Epel was more important than family, pregnant or not.

Looking ahead at the road, Epel took a deep breath. In the end, things would work out. His grandma kept telling him that, to just wait and see and everything would work out just fine. In his mind, it would be that he could go through with termination, but he assumed for his grandmother it was much different.

Getting out of his car, Epel sighed softly, letting out a small groan at a sudden overwhelming nausea. He wanted this to be solved, too. The moment he walked through the door, the doctor was waiting, calling him in to come and get started on the check up. Epel was nervous, but followed nonetheless, rubbing the back of his neck as the doctor had him sit down.

The first few questions were answered with ease. The doctor told Epel there was plenty he could do to help with the morning sickness, even some at home remedies. He would start some prenatals, and get on a recommended anti-nausea medication. Easy as pie! Then things started to get a bit harder. When Epel asked about an abortion, his doctor said there wasn’t much they could do. It was a dual consent for the Shaftlands, even all the way up here until the mountains. It also factored in that they didn’t have the machinery or medication to do it. He was disappointed, but he could always just travel down the mountain to the city and do things that way. Of course, they did have what was necessary for an ultrasound, and Epel held his breath as the doctor set everything up for it.

“If you aren’t very far, chances are we won’t see anything. But if you’re over the first few weeks, we’ll probably get a small glance. Nothing huge yet, right?” Epel nodded, putting his legs up on the chair and leaning back against the cold paper. He wished he had his jacket back on, but he needed it off for this anyway. He was encouraged to pull his shirt up, and Epel hesitated before he did. It felt weird, having another person watching you and touching you. Knowing what he did, too, it felt so awkward. “It’ll feel a little cold, don’t worry.” Epel was shaking, and scrunched up his nose when the gel touched him. Right, it really was cold.

The wand moved around a bit, and Epel felt hopeful. The doctor didn’t see anything, he hoped. Epel wanted to go this entire appointment without being able to see this baby, because if they didn’t, he still had hope of the abortion. Enough time to tell Jack, and convince him.

But when the doctor nodded, Epel felt his heart drop without even looking at the screen. “Ok, from the looks of it, you’re still in your first trimester, but you’re still around two months in. We can just barely see this little outline of the baby here, if you want to take a look.” Epel shook his head at first, but bit his lip. Maybe he did want to look… he slowly turned his head to look at the screen, and he felt tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing, but it was real… it was all too real…

Now he knew there wasn’t much time left. He would have to confront Jack about this, and he needed to do it quickly! But how? Jack would be so stubborn about keeping it, Epel felt it in his chest, pounding away at his rib cage! He just wished that even now he was here, holding his hand. This was scary, beyond belief. And Epel was completely alone. Not even his family wanted anything to do with him because of this baby. His grandmother was doing her best to be supportive, but it didn’t make up for how much it stung that his parents looked at him with disgust and hatred. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t want this at all, no baby, no sick, nothing of the sort. And yet his parents still treated him like garbage over something Epel had no control over. How was he supposed to know he could even get pregnant in the first place? There wasn’t exactly a test for it yet, that he knew of.

But this was all going way too fast, to be fair. One moment he’s happy in bed with his boyfriend, the next he’s alone and two months pregnant! Who would have thought this would be how his summer started? Epel put his face in his hands, holding back the urge to just start bawling, but he didn’t want anyone to see him this way, not even his doctor. He wanted to have a normal life, a normal year, he wanted to be like every other nineteen year old! Going to parties, starting a new job, even just seeking a higher education process. But here he was, holding back tears at the clinic as he tried his hardest not to look at the image on the ultrasound machine. He was in awe, shock, heartbreak, every terrible emotion he could muster up all at once.

Finally, the doctor tapped his shoulder and handed him a rag. Epel sniffled softly and cleaned up his stomach, wiping away at the sticky gel. There was an after feeling, but at least it was clean and he could cover himself up again. Sure, it was summer and the temperature was getting rather warm, but he was still going to wear a baggy jacket around any other person. Simply to hide his shame. A shame he was going to have to hold onto for only a little while longer.

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

Pulling back into his usual spot at home, Epel just sat in his car for a minute. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to see the look on his family's face when he walked in with his yellow report folder, what they would think of him if they were to look through those pages. They would think of him like a freak of nature, exactly how he felt right now. They would see the different medications in the paper bag, for his nausea and for his own health, carrying a child.

What about even keeping up was easy? He just wanted to lay down in his room and never leave again. Then again, that must be how every teen parent thinks, still in school or not. And he had a job he was going to start soon, this all put such a damper on his entire life. And if he were to tell Jack, how would he feel about it? Would he feel that same? Would this put a damper on his entire life, and make it so that he couldn’t go anywhere? He didn’t want that for someone else. If anyone had to suffer, it would be Epel, and he alone.

Reaching under his shirt as he gently put his forehead down on the steering wheel, Epel rubbed his thumb over the spot under his navel for a moment, tears filling his eyes. “I hate you..” He spat out, now more angry than he was sad. He was finished with his pity party. “I hate you and I always will, not a thing can change that. You are NEVER going to see the light of day as long as I have a say in this…”

Finally, the man threw his car door open and got out, locking it behind him. Anyone who tried to say a damn word to him was going to be getting the throat sliced verbally, he knew that. So, he took a deep breath before going inside, shutting the door behind him. The last thing he expected was when he turned back around, he would run smack into his father.

Suddenly, all of that confidence he had in the car was gone. The moment he was looking into his father’s face it was all drained.

“Epel. Come to the living room, we need to talk.” He said, his voice stern, making Epel realise there was no room for protest. So he meekly nodded and followed his father into the living room. His mother and grandmother were waiting on the couch, although Marja looked a lot more sad than his mother did. Epel took a seat across from them. “Now, I don’t know what you want to do about this situation. And frankly, I don’t care, because you live under MY roof, and you’re going to listen to me.” Epel watched As his father put a bottle of pills, unmarked, on the coffee table. “Your mother picked these up in the city today, being that you only just got knocked up, you have time to get rid of it. You take a couple of these, and you’ll be rid of it. Got it?”

And even though Epel had said what he did in the car. Even if he didn’t want this baby at all, and he wanted to get rid of it more than anything. Epel hated his father telling him what to do, especially now that he knew he wasn’t only in the first couple of weeks.

So, he furrowed his brows, his fists clenching tightly. “No.” He said through gritted teeth. “I don’t want this baby. But I will be damned if I don’t let the other person know that, no matter how much it’ll break his heart to sign the papers! And you’re wrong about that too, dad! The doctor says I got pregnant two months ago, so there’s no guarantee those pills would even work! If they did, they would probably put me in a lot of pain!” He yelled, grabbing his medications and storming up to his room. When he got to the top of the stairs, he spun back around. “And if you have a damn problem then go ahead and kick me out, you’re all terrible hypocrites and I’d rather die than live here with you all!”

Slamming his bedroom door, he could hear his father yelling up the stairs at him. So before he could get up here and barge in, Epel locked his door and grabbed a backpack, shoving some clothing into it. If his father was serious, then Epel wasn’t going to be able to stay here much longer, he would be kicked out, and Epel would be living out of his car. It wasn’t a huge deal, no. Because he could go live in the main city, and start his job without making a huge commute. Sure. He was going to be a nineteen year old pregnant guy living in his car, but what else could he do?

As he finished packing his essentials, Epel heard a gentle knock on his door, though he chose to ignore it. That is until he heard that knock again, this time accompanied by a soft voice. “Epel.. honey, it’s gramma.” Marja spoke in a low and comforting tone. “Just know, that this ain’t your father’s home. It’s mine. And you can stay here, no matter what. I know things are hard right now, and you must be so confused and hurting. But I love you so much, honey, and I promise to make things work. So just let me talk to him, and I’ll make everything ok, baby.” She told him through the door, as Epel hadn’t moved from his spot as she spoke. And as much as he loved her, and he wanted to make things work, it was near impossible. He had money saved up, but it wasn’t nearly enough to keep himself sustained, and not with the medical bills he would be racking up.

Though, if he was thinking about the future medical bills, Epel wondered if that suddenly made him care. If it made him miraculously want to keep this baby, despite wanting to get rid of it as soon as possible. But he still didn’t want this, he still wanted an abortion. Just not under his father’s ruling. If Epel did anything, he would do it himself.

Stomping over to the mirror, Epel pulled his shirt up, staring at the small bump on his stomach. Glaring at that, he huffed. “Now you listen here and you listen good!” He knew this kid couldn’t hear him and everything, but he was still going to say it out loud to make sure he had it thick in his own head. “I don’t want you! But if I can spite my asshole father anyway, then for as long as I need you, you’ll be around! But if Jack agrees he wants you GONE, you’re evicted! Dead! You won’t be born! Got it?!” He yelled, pointing a vindictive finger into the mirror. The baby was barely old enough to be developed, it couldn’t hear or see him at all, but he was still going to make sure he understood his own words. Was he really doing this just to piss his father off..?

Chapter Text

The first step to getting his mind in the right place, and also helping to feel better, was to get another person’s advice. To get someone who knew what this was like, firsthand, to be a man going through this. And Epel only knew one person who would fit that.

It had been at least a month since he last contacted Vil, the two of them talked here and there, and Vil helped get Epel gigs where he could to make money. So it was not surprising when Epel asked if they could meet up for lunch, or maybe just to talk. Vil agreed, they set up a day, and Epel left bright and early one Friday morning to go to the city.

It was good to just be alone on the road, too, playing music on a low volume. He could just have his own thoughts alone, unlike at home, because there his mother and father would berate him over suddenly changing his mind on the abortion. Honestly, Epel was terrified at the thought of having a baby. Over being pregnant in general. And he was going to be alone. Because he decided that he wasn’t going to tell Jack at all. He didn’t want to burden another person with this, and he didn’t want Jack to lose his life too. Jack had a much more promising career, he had been offered an apprentice magift coach position at a high school, after they had seen him playing during college. Jack had expressed wanting to play professionally, but if this was what he was able to do, he may as well take that opportunity. And they were offering a good salary once he became more popular in the job, as well.

And with Epel only simply having an apprentice job at a mechanic shop for regular and magic vehicles, he didn’t have as much to lose.

The city was a place Epel didn’t often visit. He didn’t care much for the hustle and bustle, or had any reason to go either. But he and Vil agreed to get together at his house for tea and talking time. Vil didn’t often have enough time to just sit and chat, what with his career and raising a child. But that was exactly why Epel needed to talk to him in specific. Vil had already been famous before he slammed into the headlines with a pregnancy announcement. He ended up giving birth to his daughter later that year in the winter. It was almost two years ago now, but Epel never sees a decrease in shocked fans when they hear the news.

Pulling up next to the apartment he hadn’t visited in some time now, Epel took a deep breath and got out, locking the door on his way up to the door. He was still so nervous, even if he considered Vil somewhat of a friend. They had always disagreed on a slew of different things, after all, but Epel couldn’t deny the blonde had amazing tips and ideals. And he had helped a lot with money and career building the past couple of years. He had mentioned to Epel that he would get him modelling gigs that he himself couldn’t make it to, due to parenting. And once or twice, Epel was featured alongside his mentor.

Hand shaking a bit, Epel knocked on the door a couple times. He waited a few seconds, and then heard the lock click, the door opening. Vil looked just as stunning as he always did, smiling and waving for the younger to come up to the main floor with him.

Epel followed, still highly nervous to be talking to someone about this. It was so embarrassing, even if he had told Deuce about it already, they were so much closer. Deuce was someone Epel had been close with all of school, and he couldn’t imagine a better friend. Well, Jack… but Epel didn’t want to even think of him right now.

“I was a bit surprised you wanted to have a chat with me out of the blue. But it does remind me, I’ve gotten a couple of offers lately you may be interested in!” The blonde explained as he pointed Epel to the couch, bringing out a few drinks to set on the coffee table. “So! How have you been lately? You’re looking a bit tired, but if you need, I know makeup tips to help you cover it up.”

Humming, Epel shook his head. “No, that’s not why. I just needed some advice.” Vil nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “Well.. and this is embarrassing to talk about so don’t.. be weird about it. But.. I just want to know things that can help with stuff like morning sickness, and just the weird emotional mush going on in your brain. Because I just found out that I'm two months pregnant, and I don’t have any idea what to do!”

Vil didn’t say a word. He just stared for a moment before clearing his throat and setting down his glass. “Oh, well! I can definitely recommend to you my vitamins I took, and of course my eating habits, and then my exercise routine! But are you doing ok? I know you haven’t had work lately, can you afford everything you need?”

“Well, I mean.. No, everything is terrible. Because since the moment I found out all of my life has gone to shit. My parents are mad, I’m sick as a dog.”

“Have you told Jack? I assume he’s the father, you two have been dating for some time now.”

“Yeah, he is. But I decided I’m not gonna tell him, I don’t want to ruin his life with this. He’s got more to look forward to than I do. I would just be a burden if I said anything! He has an offer to start teaching at a school! He has it all lined up for him, and I’m not going to suddenly drop a bomb on him like this”

“Then what are you going to do about it?” Vil asked, crossing his arms. Epel knew he had made a bit of a mistake, since Vil and Jack had known each other since they were young, and he knew Vil would have something to say about Jack not knowing about his future child. “From the way you’ve spoken, I assume you’ll be keeping it.”

“That’s the issue, actually. I wanted an abortion, like, more than anything! I don’t want a baby, I’m not ready for that! I mean, I’m nineteen, and-!”

“I was eighteen.” Vil cut in, and Epel groaned. “Sorry, sorry, continue!”

“Well! As I was saying! I’m not ready, and I want an abortion, but I looked into it. And I need permission from Jack. He would have to sign the papers for me to be able to go through. And it’s not just that, it’s also my parents. My mom and dad want me to get rid of it too. And you would think that’d be a good thing! But my dad, he’s been so rude to me lately, and callin’ me mean names! That I’ve decided to keep it out of spite! But I ain’t gonna take care of myself, fuck that! I don’t want it either way, so why should I take care of it?”

Picking his drink up, Vil swished it around in the glass, and then took a large gulp, sighing softly. “Look, I really am in no position to speak. But you did come to me for advice. So here’s my advice. Trust me, I know the thought of having a child young is scary, it’s terrifying. And it’s hard, everything about it is hard. You’re alone, and scared, but I made the choice to say something and I got the help I needed.” Vil stood up and went to sit next to Epel, taking his hand. “And yes, half of my pregnancy I was alone, Leona was in Afterglow Savana on his apprenticeship, but I still had friends willing to help me, and family as well. If you don’t want to speak with him, that’s fine. But please message me if you need anything. I’m here to help, and while my advice might not be the best, I’ll give it my best shot.”

With a sigh, Epel looked down at the drink in front of him and reached for it, only for Vil to grab his wrist. “No, no, I shouldn’t have offered you alcohol, if I’d have known I would have offered you vitamin water.” The younger groaned and leaned back into the couch, putting his hands over his eyes. The blonde stood and took his empty glass and the full one to the kitchen. Looking around, Epel took note of how tidy it was, with a corner that was messy between the TV and the window that had various toys.

As he was waiting for Vil to return, the man stopped after he put a glass of water down on the coffee table. He excused himself and went upstairs, barely saying a word. Epel had a few sips of water, waiting for Vil to return. When he did, he had his daughter half asleep against his hip, not phased at all by being carried around.

“Someone slept in this morning, hm?” He said with a small smile, fixing up the little girl’s hair. Epel asked how he knew she was up, and Vil shrugged. “It’s a strange intuition of mine, I just know. And really, I’m glad she doesn’t just crawl out of her toddler bed, she’s going to be three later this year, she’s a little escape artist!” Epel couldn’t even begin to understand why he felt so guilty watching Vil interact with his daughter. Why didn’t he feel that way? Why couldn’t he just be happy? He wanted to love his kid but he just couldn’t imagine himself doing that. All he could think of was how much he was going to miss out on, and how painful and annoying this was all going to end up.

Sighing, Epel ran a hand through his hair and stood up. “I should probably get going, actually. It’s a long drive home and I’m not feeling very well. Thank you for the talk, and for the water.” He announced, and Vil nodded, saying his goodbyes and seeing Epel out to his car. Just as Vil turned to go back inside, Epel rolled down his window. “Hey, I have one last question.” Vil stopped and turned back to listen. “When did you accept it? Being pregnant, having a kid? When did you start to love it?”

“That’s the thing, Epel. I still, almost every day, regret going through with having Kamaria. But I think knowing I wasn’t alone and the person I loved wanted to be there with me the whole time helped me learn to cope.”

With a nod, Epel rolled the window back up. He still knew he couldn’t talk to Jack. He couldn’t burden him. He couldn’t ruin someone else’s life, too. He could ruin his own. He could rot in shame. But not Jack. He didn’t want this for Jack. He wanted that man to be happy. He wanted him to lead a successful life. And to have that happen. Epel needed to leave him.

“I would just be holding you back…”

Epel didn’t want to stop anywhere whilst still in the city. He just started driving back home after talking back and forth in texts with Deuce. He felt, even though Deuce wasn’t at all sure of the situation, that he was still so comforting and easy to speak to. He had always been that way. Epel always found himself able to let loose around him.

Silence was well received, as Epel drove home. He wanted to think, and at the same time, he wanted all of his thoughts to disappear. For his mind to be quiet for once and he didn’t wonder how things had managed to get so fucked up in his life. After all, it was technically all his fault. As long as he had a say about it, he liked it naturally, he loved that feeling of connection during the moment and he would always just clean up really well after. Not like he ever thought he could get pregnant to begin with, so why find it important to use protection? It seemed idiotic now. Had he just been concerned about diseases or whatever, this wouldn’t have happened. Actually, they had been having unprotected sex since the end of their first year, and Epel was amazed that it took him this long to get knocked up. If he was able to get pregnant this whole time, it was a miracle it was only now.

When he arrived back at home, a few hours later, Epel only sat in his car. He had a few messages from Vil, going over the medications he took and the diet he followed, as well as some encouraging words. It was a warm welcome from the things he had been hearing lately from his family. He didn’t want to go inside. He didn’t want anything to do with these people today. But he needed to, and took a shaky breath as he got out of the car and made his way inside. He didn’t stop to see his family in the living room, and didn’t stop when he heard them call for him. He wasn’t in the mood, not today, and just wanted to go to bed now that he was back at home. He felt sick, and sleepy.

Falling down onto his bed, Epel placed a hand on his stomach and whined. “You damn parasite, I just wanna sleep..” He mumbled, choking down his nausea. He was so sick of throwing up all the time, and he wished it would go away already, but this baby was going to make sure that never happened. “Please.. I just wanna..”

Just before he could fall into sleep, something that rarely came to him, there was a knock on his door, and the man groaned. He heard the doorknob click open, and the door creaked as someone walked in and sat next to him on the bed.

“I’m sorry, hun, were you tryin’ to sleep?” Marja asked, and Epel weakly nodded, grimacing as he tasted acid rising in his throat. “I just wanted to make sure you’ve eaten dinner, but I’ll leave you be after you change into somethin’ comfy, okay? I want you properly in bed.” Epel didn’t want to get up, his limbs felt like jello, and if he moved, he would totally puke. But he did as told, getting up and slipping into something else. “Okay, now let’s get you in bed, darlin’.” Marja whispered, guiding her grandson into bed and gently kissing his forehead. She was so caring, and kind, and Epel started to feel the tears pricking at his eyes again. “What’s wrong..?”

“I miss Jack!” He cried out, trying to silence his sobs, but continuing to fail. He was starting to believe all of those pregnancy hormone stories..

His grandmother just held him, rocking him ever so gently before he felt his eyes get heavy, tears still falling. And when he was finally asleep, she pulled the covers up snug, and left her grandson to get some much needed sleep.

Chapter Text

There wasn’t much Epel could do without his mind making it about his pregnancy, and when he thought about it too much, he would think of Jack. The moment he thought of the wolf, his hormones would hit him like a train, and he could end up sobbing his eyes out until he passed out. At times like those, he would text Deuce, just to get his mind off of things. And when Epel was getting done at an appointment, where his doctor checked in on his vitals, Deuce called him. Epel didn’t expect much from the call, probably just a lecture about how he needed to tell Jack about what was going on, because now, Epel wasn’t responding to him at all, and had their chat and calls on mute. He just couldn’t handle the guilt.

It started out normally. How are you? Are you feeling better? Epel was just dreading the conversation about his pregnancy, but it didn’t come up at all. In fact, Deuce surprised him. “Come to Clock Town for a bit. Mom wouldn’t mind you staying, and you need someone.” Deuce had told him, saying they could spend time together and go out to get his mind off of the baby and Jack. It was a really tempting offer, and Deuce did offer to split half of the cost with him. So Epel agreed. He knew he should have said no, and made sure he had as much savings as possible. But he needed to take a break from the stress of his life, too.

When he told his parents he was going on a trip, they didn’t say much. He didn’t know when he would be back, but what did that matter? He could do what he wanted. He was an adult. So Epel packed his bags, and he left for the airport the next day, standing in the crowded security check as he texted Vil back and forth. According to the model, he contacted his agency, and asked if they could give Epel more work, to help with his situation. At first, they had said it was unlikely, but once Vil mentioned that Epel was pregnant, just as he had been, they suddenly shifted their view. The publicity brought in a lot of money, and good press for having a different type of model on their front pages. Epel didn’t know if he exactly wanted to do that, it felt violating, but then Vil mentioned the paycheck, and.. Epel was now scheduled for a photoshoot when he came back home.

Deuce met him at the airport, alongside Dylla, who gave Epel a hug when she saw him. “Hey! Haven’t seen you in forever, rascal!” She teased, and Epel couldn’t help but smile, feeling affection from a mother after a month of not being able to got to him so easily. “Now, Deuce let me know about a few things, so if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask, ok? And you are ALWAYS welcome in our home, Epel.”

The smaller nodded, trying to hold back tears, he started to fan his face with his hands. “I hate all of these hormones!” He whined quietly as the other two started to lead him outside. “I cry at tiny things! There’s just been so much going on!”

“Don’t worry about it, man, there’s plenty we can do to take your mind off of all that stuff.” Deuce told him, starting to list off the activities they could do together. “Oh! And Ace said he wanted to go to the beach with us, like back on the island! If you’re willing, we can do that!”

“I don’t know if I’ll do much swimmin’, but I s’pose that’s fine. Probably just gonna sit to the side and watch. And can you let him know not to bring up Jack..? I just want to ignore all of that shit right now and focus on myself. Pretend I ain’t pregnant..”

Nodding, Deuce helped get the luggage into the back of his mom’s car, and then opened Epel’s door for him. A joke was made about being a gentleman, but Epel didn’t really feel all too much like talking currently. The drive was the same, quiet with nothing but the car’s natural sounds and the quiet radio. Not a very long ride, but Epel still felt so sick and tired. So he gave Deuce a weary smile on their way into the house. They didn’t have a spare bedroom, but Deuce led Epel into his room, where he already had a makeshift bed on his couch. When Epel went to put his bags next to it, the other shook his head. “No, no, I’m gonna sleep there! I put new sheets on my bed and washed the comforter, don’t worry!”

And, just like before at the smallest ounce of niceness, Epel started to cry, sitting down on the edge of the bed and covering his face as he held back sobs, choking on his tears. He felt someone put their arms around him, but didn’t bother looking to see who, just leaning into the touch. He wanted nothing more than for this situation to be different, and for his family to be happy, Jack there next to him every step. Nothing about this was happy or exciting like all of the online articles said it would be. It was all pain and agony.

The next morning when Epel woke up, Deuce was already gone, and he fumbled through his bag to find his daily vitamins. His throat was burning with nausea as he stumbled out of the bedroom and down the hall into the bathroom. From the kitchen, both Deuce and Dylla could hear the door slam in a rush behind him, and the older women sighed. “Poor thing. How far did you say he’s in?”

“Uhm, I think he’s three months?” Deuce responded, as his mom grabbed a cup of cold water, nodding.

Epel was finishing getting the gross wiped off of his lips when Dylla knocked. He didn’t say anything, so she slowly opened the door and sat next to him on the floor. “Hey, I brought you some water. You ok?”

“I’m sorry, I intruded into your home and then threw up, which is gross.. I can clean the toilet..”

“Nonsense! You won’t be cleaning anything! It’s not your fault, you had a very long flight last night, and you’re in an unfamiliar place, your body is adjusting! Not to mention it’s a whole different country, the climate is very strange!”

Blinking, Epel realised that Dylla had remembered what he said in the car yesterday, about how he wanted to pretend he wasn’t pregnant at all. She was considerate of his feelings, and that he wanted to feel like he was still a normal teenager on a vacation this summer. He had visited here a few times, back in college, but never under such strange circumstances. And his mind completely broke down when she pulled him into a hug. He tried so hard not to cry, but he silently did as she petted his head and gently held him. “It’s ok, dear, now let’s go have something to eat, yeah? I’m sure some fresh air with Deuce will do you well today!”

With a slow nod, Epel flushed and stood up, going with Dylla to the kitchen as she made him something easy to eat. Deuce smiled, patting Epel’s shoulder, as neither of them were exactly good with words. And, to be fair, neither of them were very good at talking about pregnancy, as teenage boys. And despite the smell of food making Epel nauseas, when he went to get up, Deuce offered to go and grab his medication for him.

Once the both of them were done eating, they went back to Deuce’s room to get dressed for the day, as there were a few things Deuce knew would be good as a distraction.

Pulling his shirt off, the last thing Epel was thinking about was his current appearance, until he felt eyes on him. He looked up from his bag, seeing Deuce’s eyes on his middle, and frowned. He didn’t know it was noticeable enough to be watched, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit self conscious now. Though, the more he thought, he knew it was noticeable without a shirt on, and sometimes when he was wearing one. His eyes went to the mirror across the room, and he saw the way his stomach had rounded out, frowning. He wanted to forget, and ignore his pregnancy on this vacation, but he couldn’t. No matter what, he was still getting bigger, and he was still losing time.

After looking at himself for long enough, Epel turned his head down to look away, only to notice Deuce walk closer to him. A small room, maybe he needed to grab something? But he took a deep breath, which made Epel look up at him, confused.

“This is a.. weird, question, but am I allowed to touch?”

Epel stood in slightly shocked silence, mouth opening to speak, but then closing it and nodding, though his brows were furrowed he decided it didn’t hurt to allow it. So, he reached down and picked up Deuce’s hand. Resting it on the side of his belly, and then looking up at the other. Deuce seemed curious, and unconsciously rubbed his thumb across his friend’s skin. He could feel him shudder under his hand.

Deuce looked up, locking eyes with Epel, and the room suddenly felt eerily quiet. But nobody said a word. And, a few seconds later, they kissed. It was soft, and gentle, as Deuce’s other hand landed on Epel’s hip, gingerly pulling him closer. Unlike how it was once in college, it took less movement for him to feel the other man’s skin against his, thanks to the small bump. And that’s what made Epel pull away, with a sad look on his face. “I can’t do this..” he whispered, his hands starting to shake. “I’m sorry I just can’t..”

Nodding, Deuce fixed his hair and picked up Epel’s shirt, handing it to him with an embarrassed smile. “Yeah, don’t apologise. It’s ok, let’s just forget about that? I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me there..” He responded, putting on his own shirt as Epel sat down on the bed with a sigh.

“It’s not your fault. Maybe something in me thought it would help with how much I miss Jack. But it just made me feel guilty.” He said, putting his hand on the top of the bump. He wanted to believe that he could get through this pregnancy alone, but he couldn’t do it. And at the same time, if Deuce and he had done anything further, Epel would feel more and more guilty. Not only would he be abandoning Jack and keeping him from his child, he would also be dragging Deuce to father a child who wasn’t his. And it would be so obvious that was the fact.

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

For the next few days, Epel enjoyed the quiet and the fun. Deuce made sure he was comfortable, and Dylla was more motherly to him than his own had been since he got pregnant. But it seemed that these last few mornings, Epel was much less sick, and way more comfortable. He wasn’t puking the moment he woke up, and it was easier to manage his nausea in general. He thanked his medication, but also the fact he wasn’t in such a high stress environment. And on the fourth day, Epel was surprised with Ace showing up, claiming Deuce invited him to come and spend a couple of nights with them for fun. At first he was unsure he would be comfortable, not wanting Ace to know about his pregnancy in fear he wouldn’t understand. But Deuce assured him everything would be fine.

A few hours in, after the three of them had been playing video games in the living room and catching up, Epel excused himself to the restroom, and the moment he was out of the room, Ace shot Deuce a look. “Ok seriously, what’s up with him..?” He whispered, glancing back for a second. “Something about him feels off..”

“Ace, stop it, nothing is up with him. And, if he wanted you to know if there WAS, he would say it. Respect that.” Deuce responded, glaring at his friend. He didn’t like that Ace was trying to treat this like some sort of weird teenage drama, when it was their friend’s life.

Returning to the room, Epel looked uncomfortable, with a hand on his middle, and when Ace turned to look at him, his eyes went wide. “Dude, did you gain weight?” Epel blinked, before covering his face and retreating back to the bathroom. Deuce got up and smacked the back of Ace’s head.

“Why would you ask him that? Ace, he’s actually going through a lot! Like I said, it’s not my place to say anything, but what I will say is that shit is hard for him at home right now and that’s why he’s here! He’s here to ignore that!” Deuce scolded him, going to the bathroom door and knocking. “Epel, hey, do you need anything? I can get you anything you need.”

The only response was the sound of the boy retching loudly. A few seconds later, the door opened, and he had tears on his cheeks. “I don’t want to do this anymore!” He sobbed out, letting Deuce pull him into a hug, letting him cry. “I want this stupid parasite out of my body! I want it gone, I don’t want this!”

As he cried, Deuce glared Ace down as he watched his mind work, brows furrowed until his eyes went wide. “Holy fuck, dude, are you pregnant? Because I never would have mentioned anything about your weight if I knew!” He rambled, as Epel pulled away from Deuce and nodded, sniffling.

“It’s ok! I’m just fucked up emotionally! There’s a lot going on and I’m super stressed and unhappy! I came here to just get my mind off of everything! I’m three months along, and I’m scared! And when I get back home Vil has me booked at a photoshoot where they want me to show off something I hate! And I’m not gonna tell Jack, or I don’t want to, he has a good job offer and a life to live and I would be ruining it!”

“Epel, knowing Jack, he would be more than willing to help you raise it! He said he wanted kids one day in conversations, right?”

“But I don’t! At least not now! I wanted to be in a stable place and older! And not have my family pissed at me for being pregnant! And think about it! Even if Jack wanted kids someday, that doesn’t mean now! He might leave me!”

“Epel! Think about it!” Ace shouted, making him stop his sniffling and stare in shock. “You think he won’t find out? If you do a photoshoot showing off your pregnancy that’s gonna be out in the public, he’ll see it! If he doesn’t see it, eventually, a mutual friend is going to mention something! Epel, you need to tell him! Not over text, not over phone, face to face!”

After his shock wore off, Epel’s face twisted as he started to sob again, putting his hands over his face as Deuce pulled him back into their hug, rubbing his back. Neither of them knew how to comfort their friend, or how to get through to him, but they didn’t want to stress him out too badly. For now, it was all a waiting game, hoping for the best.

Chapter Text

The night Epel got back home, it was raining. Pouring down and cold, as a summer storm passed through. Epel stood at the entrance for a good few minutes, thinking hard about what he needed to do before going out there and getting to his car, hoping it hadn’t been stolen in his absence.

Luckily, it was still there, collecting dust as he started it up to get the heat running. He still didn’t want to talk. Not to Jack, specifically. But both Ace and Deuce were adamant that if he didn’t say something before the photoshoot dropped, it would be even worse for him. So, before he did that tomorrow, he needed to talk to Jack. What was he supposed to say..?

As the rain hit his windshield, Epel glanced at the time on his dashboard, frowning. Maybe it was too late at night for this. Jack had family members who might already be asleep, right? Younger siblings, his parents. But he couldn’t go back on his word he had promised Deuce he would go talk to Jack! So, even though it was eight at night and raining, Epel found himself parked outside of Jack’s family home. A small place on the edge of the city. The neighbourhood was quaint and quiet, and Epel suddenly felt sombre. If he were to have a family, he would want to live in a place like this..

Getting out of his car, Epel fixed his jacket, trying not to be too obvious now that his belly had popped out. Nothing could change how terrified he was right now. Nothing could fix that feeling of pure fear at the possible reactions that Jack might have to seeing him or hearing the news. Epel knew he should have been texting back these last few months but he was just too guilt filled to do it. He was surprised that Jack hadn’t just shown up at his house after too long of waiting.

Before he even knocked, the door opened, and there stood Jack’s mother, curiously watching him. Epel cleared his throat and avoided eye contact. “Can you tell Jack I’d like to speak with him? It’s important.” She nodded and called out to him before she left the doorway, leaving Epel standing there, waiting. It didn’t take more than thirty seconds for Jack to round the corner, their eyes meeting. Suddenly, Jack looked distraught, quickly coming to the other’s side. He could tell something was wrong. The way Epel looked tired, how there was this sorrow in his eyes. Before Jack could speak, Epel put a hand on his chest and sighed. “Can we talk in my car..? I don’t want your family hearing anything..” He mumbled, already holding back tears.

Guiding them back through the rain and into the backseat of the car, Epel turned on the heat and sat back. “You’ve been ignoring me, you haven’t answered a single text. Why?” Jack asked. His brows were furrowed, but Epel knew he wasn’t truly angry, he was just hurt, and that made him even more upset. The tears started to fall down his cheeks.

“Because I was scared..” Epel croaked out, wiping his eyes. “I don’t want to ruin your life! You have so much more waiting for you than I do! And I’m scared that what’s going on now is going to destroy that for you!”

Shaking his head, Jack took Epel’s hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. His ears were flattened back, in a silent sign of sadness. “Don’t say that. Whatever is going on, I’m sure it’ll be ok! We can make it through this, just tell me what the matter is.”

“Jack..” Epel looked up at him, staring into his golden eyes for a moment before he covered his face. He couldn’t do this. Right? “Jack, I'm pregnant..”

Silence followed. Echoing, painful silence. In that time, Epel sniffled and sat up, slowly removing his jacket and sitting up straight, to make sure Jack could really tell he wasn’t lying about it. After a moment, Jack reached over. His hand was so much larger, carefully moving it around the side before he locked eyes with Epel again.

“How long..?”

“Around four months now.. I didn’t want to burden you..”

“Don’t ever think like that. You would never be a burden. Do you.. do you know what it is yet?”

“No, I didn’t want to know. But if you do then we can go to see. But I don’t want you to drop everything for me. That’s the last thing I would want. I want you to live YOUR life, and I don’t want that to be about me.”

“I wouldn’t drop it all, I have to support you. Us. We need to think about a house, and medical, and we have to start getting all of the supplies, unless you’ve been doing that on your own.”

“No, no. I haven’t done much of anything.” Epel responded, rubbing the other side of his bump with a huff. “I’ve actually been wondering about abortion, because I’m scared of raising a child.. scared I won’t do it right..”

“Epel, no, you can’t do it wrong because we’re in this together. We’re going to figure it out and make it work, I promise you..”

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

Waking up early, especially with how tired Epel was lately, wasn’t fun. After their conversation last night, he ended up staying the night with Jack, after explaining the situation to his parents. The Howl’s were shocked, but asked to talk about it more the next day after Epel’s job. Epel knew how these went, he just needed to shower and then leave the rest to the professionals. They would handle outfits and makeup for him. Jack was practically all over him all morning, too, rubbing his belly and kissing him all over. “I need to make up for all the time I missed.” Was his excuse, and Epel didn’t really mind, he loved the attention.

The studio was about thirty minutes away, and Epel managed to sleep the whole drive, thanks to Jack insisting he come with. He was confused on just how tired his boyfriend was, considering Epel had always been a fairly organised person, and they had gone to bed at a reasonable time last night. But he carefully woke him up when they arrived, holding his hand as they made their way inside. It wasn’t all that busy, and Epel spoke with the receptionist about his appointment, Jack didn’t pay too much attention to it, looking around at the decor of the lobby. He knew Epel had done photography before, but hadn’t gone with him to a shoot until now.

In the studio room, Jack was told to stay put and wait for Epel to be done in the wardrobe, he would be allowed to stand by for makeup as long as he wasn’t in anybody’s way. He agreed, and sat in a chair outside of the room Epel was brought into. After being separated for so long, Jack didn’t like seeing Epel leave again, even if it was just behind a door. To think he had missed so much, something so important, for that long gave him the slightest hint of anxiety when he thought about Epel disappearing again.

He waited a good thirty minutes, and when Epel came back, he was dressed in a way Jack hadn’t seen for a while, not since they graduated. A flowing white top that opened up around his middle to show off his growing life, and jeans that flared at the calves. Jack had no need to stare, this was the same man he had seen for years now, wearing something feminine wasn’t a shocker. But seeing him in such a motherly state almost caused his entire brain to explode. Different, but welcomed. Epel took notice of his tail wagging and scrunched up his nose, embarrassed, but a small dust of blush was on his cheeks from the action.

Makeup was different, and very cluttered and chaotic. Jack stayed a close distance from the women working on making sure Epel’s hair and face were perfect for the cameras. Jack hadn’t thought to ask until now what exactly this photoshoot was for, what brand was his boyfriend helping to endorse? He got the courage to ask when the makeup and hair women were gone, leaving Epel to brush himself off and walk over. “Oh, it’s a clothing brand. They’ve been wanting to do a male maternity line, ever since Vil’s announcement. But since he was unavailable, considering he’s already HAD his baby, he got them to pick me instead. These jeans are actually super comfortable..”

“That’s good, and they look nice on you.” Jack commented, eyeing the shape and fit of them. Epel nodded as someone called for him to follow, and they were led to the shooting room.

It was nicely decorated, with Epel being directed into the middle of the backdrop, a director moving his hands to the right place, and his shoulders, waist. Jack didn’t like watching another man put his hands everywhere, but he knew there was no bad intent to it, and Epel didn’t look uncomfortable. In fact, he looked wonderful, smiling for the photos and posing just the way they wanted him to. Jack was admiring him from afar, his tail wagging with no effort to stop it as he watched the love of his life, the person who was carrying his child, be praised for growing their love. Jack felt extremely proud.

Nearing the end of the session, Jack could tell just how tired Epel was, his eyes were getting more and more sleepy, threatening to close, as his movements were much less fluid. It was getting close to dinner time, and Jack was thinking about all of the different things they could go out to eat, maybe as a little celebration for the job. And possibly, the first celebration about their new life together. Actually, Jack needed to start to look for a place for them to live, it was obvious that neither of their parents were keen on letting them live at home after they had a baby. They probably didn’t want to raise another child now that theirs were adults or teenagers. But Jack was confident! They would figure out what to do and be the best at it.

“Jack.” He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Epel’s voice, glancing up at him, tail swishing at just the sight of his boyfriend. “Ok buddy, I’m done, I’m gonna change, go wait for me out in the car? Think about what you want to eat.”

Jack nodded, getting up and walking out of the studio. He was able to remember what route they went down to get to the photo room, so he easily found his way back to the car. He recalled hearing once that there were a lot of things that people who were pregnant couldn’t eat, so to stay safe, he started to do some of his own research. He wanted to know what would be best for Epel to eat, and still worked around what he knew the man liked to eat.

Epel got out to the car in a few minutes, resting his hand on the small bump in his figure and sighing. It was obvious this had taken a lot out of him, and they still had to go home and talk about the entire situation with Jack’s parents. “Do you want me to cook for you back at home? Or do you want something right now?”

“If I don’t eat now I’m going to puke.” Epel complained, rubbing Jack’s arm. “You’ll have plenty of more days to cook something for me. For now, I need a burger or something.”

Nodding, Jack understood what he meant. He had moments like that after track meets, back in college, and he imagined pregnancy was a lot more complex than that. So, Jack took them through a nearby fast food drive through, parking so that they could eat in quiet. It didn’t take Epel long to get his food down, sighing when he finished. “I’m so glad I can eat again..” He muttered under his breath as he cleaned up his trash.

Now came the tough bit. Now they had to drive back to Jack’s parent’s house, and talk over their plan with them. Neither of them exactly knew what the plan WAS though. They would be coming up with a lot of it on the spot as they were questioned. And it seemed like that was exactly the case when they walked in and Jack’s parents were already waiting in the kitchen for them. They were asked to sit down at the dining room table, and did so silently, waiting for things to begin. Epel took hold of Jack’s hand under the table, squeezing it nervously.

“Now, boys,” Mrs Howl began, sitting down across from them. “You understand that having a child is a huge commitment and responsibility, right?” The both of them nodded. “Epel, you’ve always been welcome in this family, you know that. And you’re both adults so there’s no reason for us to be mad. And don’t find us rude in saying that as adults, you now need to find your own place to live, especially if you’re having a baby!”

“We know, and we’ll start looking after this talk. We both have money saved up for it, it’s just.. a lot sooner than we expected.” Jack responded, biting his lip nervously. “And I start my new job soon, so we’ll have money. Even if we don’t have a lot of time left to prepare for this, we’ll manage.”

“Not a lot of time?” Jack’s father repeated, confused. “How far along is he?”

“I’m about four months..” Epel responded, avoiding eye contact and watching his lap instead. He was too embarrassed to look anyone in the eye right now. Or to even see their expressions. “I didn’t realise I was pregnant until I was two months in.”

There was no response for a moment, nothing said. Just deafening silence. Epel could feel the shock and disappointment radiating through the room. Epel could feel the tears pricking his eyes, thanks to his extreme amount of hormones.

“We’ll do what we can to help you but you need to do a lot of this on your own.” Jack’s mother finally said, and the two of them nodded in agreement. They knew all of this, and now that he had eaten, Epel just wanted to go to bed. He wasn’t in any mood to drive home tonight, not on his own at least. He would have to go back at some point, just to make sure his parents hadn’t finally gone insane and thrown all of his things in the barn. Once the conversation was over, and Jack’s parents left the room, Epel leaned his head over on Jack’s arm.

“I don’t want to go back home.. but I can’t stay here, it’s kind of obvious your parents aren’t thrilled either..”

“I’ll go with you. We can go back in the morning. Tonight we’ll relax and look at places we could rent. We have a lot saved up, I’m sure it shouldn’t be hard. We’ll make sure that it’s the best place for us.”