Chapter Text
Tourney reminds Jay of the Isle. Jay never had to second-guess his body. His reflexes kept him out of harm’s way; the same way they allowed him to gauge when an opponent was about to tackle him or dodge an incoming wooden disc in the kill zone. The exertion of his muscles feels familiar as he rams into his opponent aggressively, causing them to topple to the ground.
But Tourney also reminds Jay of the gaping hole in his heart; a part of him is missing. Now that the core four have all chosen to stay in Auradon, they are busy with their matters. Mal with being a lady of the court; Evie with her designer dress business; Carlos with his relentless pursuit of knowledge (school). Jay was busy, of course. On the way to being captain of the tourney team was a big deal in Auradon and Jay could not mess this opportunity up. It meant greater things – or whatever that means.
He could not deny it, however, that he misses the plotting, the scheming, the heads-together-huddled-in-a-corner moments planning their next move. Tourney reminds him of turf wars and street fights. Tourney reminds him that Mal, Evie and Carlos were not by his side.
Perhaps the most heart-wrenching reminder was that he used to have something to protect, but now he does not.
Sighing, Jay grabbed his bag and slung it across his shoulder, heading back to his dorm room. It was nearing the end of the semester and everyone was clearing out from the dormitories. Carlos had applied for a summer exchange programme at a local college to research signals (read: radio waves) and had left a week prior. Jay hated the room now. It was far too quiet, missing the ruckus that he and Carlos would cause while playing video games. Devoid of Carlos’ warm laughter when he chases Dude around the room to take a bath. He has to survive the summer on campus because of tourney training, and he is not ready to do it without Carlos.
The hallways were silent as Jay nimbly walked towards the boys’ dormitories. Placing his weight on the balls of his feet, his footsteps could barely be heard, providing him with a shroud of invisibility to anyone with their back against him. An old habit. Bracing himself to be faced with an empty room, Jay was about to turn around the corner when he was met with hushed but panicked whispers. Immediately retreating, Jay pressed himself against the wall. There was practically nobody at the dormitories at this time of the year.
“I can’t do this, Ben. Yo- you don’t understand.”
Jay would recognise that voice anywhere. The distress was evident in Mal’s voice causing Jay to tense up. His body was automatically responding to his leader’s command. Swiftly, Jay angled his body so that he could assess the situation. Poised like a coiled snake, he awaited for Mal to display any sign of discomfort and he would be ready to strike. He was the core four’s protector. Mal’s protector. Protecting them from any harm was his job.
“You will be okay. We will do this together, okay?” said Ben, as he brushed Mal’s cheek with his right hand. Confusion dawned on Jay’s face. Mal never cries. Why was Ben brushing away non-existent tears? He saw Mal place her hand on Ben’s, pressing her face into his palm. This felt private, but Jay could not move from his barely concealed spot. Curling his arm around Mal’s waist, Ben pulled her closer as his eyes flickered to her lips. The next thing Jay knew was that the gap between Ben and Mal closed as Ben kissed her softly. Pecking him on the lips, Mal pulled away almost instantly, yet, still leaning into Ben’s embrace.
Jay took a step back, knocking into a locker with a groan. Cursing, he was briefly relieved that the pair were too preoccupied with each other to notice his presence. His hands felt clammy as he sprinted back towards the tourney field. There was a sinking pit in his stomach as his heart was thudding wildly against his ribcage, trying to escape its confinement. Granted, Jay was never Mal’s boyfriend. A relationship on the Isle was practically unheard of. It was frivolous and only served as a weakness. There were moments, though, where he wondered if they were more than just partners in crime. If he was actually hers.
Moments where she would seek him for comfort in the secrecy of the dark, curling against him on his mattress in their hideout. He would always pull her closer to him, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead while grounding her in reality. “It wasn’t real. You’re your own person.” She would be gone by dawn. Moments where he would pull her into a dark alley on the Isle, kissing her with everything he had because he nearly lost her again in a gang fight. She would tighten her grip around his neck, whispering, “I’m here. Not going anywhere.” They would eventually pull away and speak nothing of it. Moments where she would gleefully grab his hand and tug him along Dragon Hall, showing him the goods she had stolen in a dusty classroom. He would thereafter pretend to steal them away from her. Moments where he would pepper kisses across her neck, leaving behind marks; marking Mal as his. She would grasp his hair, pulling him up to meet her lips, getting rid of any pent-up frustration. They never talked about what they were because it was known. She was his leader and he was her protector. There was nothing more.
The image of Ben and Mal kissing was swimming before his eyes, taunting him. It never occurred to him that Mal was not keeping up with pretences. That she could be in love with Ben. There was no need for her to stay by Ben’s side and pretend to be his girlfriend since his Coronation. It was her plan after all to spell him so that they could steal Fairy Godmother’s wand and he had respected her decision. He had never questioned her choices. Some days he wondered if his fierce, unyielding loyalty would be the end of him. And in this very instance, it felt like his heart was being clawed out of his chest and ripped into shreds.
Staggering on his feet, Jay collapsed on the bleachers. Nights in Auradon were warm, unlike the Isle. The sweltering heat was suffocating, as sweat trickled down from the side of his head. Rubbing his hand against his forehead, he buried his face in his hands, choking up a laugh, teetered on the edge of hysteria. A laugh at how ridiculous he was being. Mal was never his, but he was always hers.
The heat from the night was not helping Jay’s muddled thoughts. All that was consuming his mind were cluttered memories of Mal. She has undeniably left her mark on every part of his body: his thighs burn thinking about the times they spent staking out at Uma’s turf, waiting for an opportunity to steal her territory; his hands remember the way they would patch her up after a nasty fight; the way his back arches to best protect her; his lips curling up into a grin when he catches her off-guard with his jokes. The impact she had left on him was bone-deep and soul-crushing.
Jay sat there for hours, wishing that the intensity of his feelings would lessen and he could return to his room. The longer he sat, however, the longer the feelings festered, smouldering any rational thought. His heart was not strong enough to cage his feelings within as they were transforming, writhing against his ribcage, begging to be unleashed. Swallowing against his parched throat, Jay dragged his limp body intending to head back to his room.
Helplessly, like an invisible string tying him and Mal together, Jay found his feet betraying him. For there he stood before Mal’s and Evie’s room, seeking comfort. He knew she would be alone as Evie had volunteered to accompany Carlos to his college to settle in. His hand wavered at the door, fighting the urge to leave without making his presence known. Before he could knock, the door was yanked open, revealing Mal in an oversized hoodie, her purple hair tied into a bun.
“I was going to look for you,” said Mal, as she beckoned him to enter her room. Clearing his throat, Jay crossed his arms on top of his chest, replying, “Regarding?”
“You saw me with Ben.” Jay scoffs. Of course, she would have noticed him there. They grew up on the Isle. Nothing escapes Mal’s eyes. Even the most skilled thief in the land. Shrugging, Jay smirks, “Maybe take your make-out session somewhere else instead?”
Mal says nothing, raising her eyebrow at him. He knew what was coming. She was going to start questioning him about why he ran away. Hackle it out of him even. There was no reason why he should act like that and he was certain that she saw his crushed look. Jokes could not save him this time. Instead, he pulls the nonchalant card. “Why would I want to stay and watch someone suck your face, Mal.”
“Explain why you are here then.” Jay swore internally. He was backed up against the corner; he had no defences left. Huffing, he said, “Don’t get why you are still hanging around him, killer.” Mal looked at him quizzically. Jay knew he was fucked.
“Ben’s my boyfriend?”
“So, you’re not pretending?”
Jay saw Mal’s eyebrows knit together as she stared at him intensely. Under her gaze, Jay felt as if he had carved out his heart and laid it on a platter for her to take.
“He makes me happy, Jay.”
Mal’s response knocked all of the oxygen out of his lungs, stabbing a knife straight to his heart on the platter.
“Cool,” said Jay, turning to leave. He could not stand to look at Mal any longer. Reaching out, Mal grabbed onto his arm. “Wait. Stay, please.”
“Call your boyfriend for that, M,” snarked Jay, surprising himself because he has never challenged an order – albeit an informal one. “What’s going on with you?” remarked Mal, scowling. “I just wanted to keep you company because I know Carlos–”. Before she could finish her sentence, Jay lets out a bark of laughter. “I don’t need your pity.”
Flinching, Mal could not recognise the person standing in front of her. “Get out,” she spat. “Be alone.”
Jay should have turned and left. Jay should have taken the opportunity to rid himself of her presence. Jay should not have come to her room. But it was too late. He could not take his gaze off her face, as memories of hushed whispers and slow kisses flashed before him.
Instinctively, Jay pulled her into his embrace. Tilting her chin towards him, he felt a pull towards her lips as he crashed his on hers. For a brief moment, he forgot that he was in Auradon, and he was back in the Isle. Her lips were unmoving against his as he felt whatever hope he had left in his heart quashed. He nearly detached himself from her when her arms slinked around his neck in a familiar manner, lips curling to meet his. Relief washed over him as he snaked his arms around her waist, tightening his hold on her. She gripped his hair as a spark of pleasure bloomed in his gut. Breaking apart, Jay tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear – only to be met with a look of regret on Mal’s face.
Taking a step back, myriad emotions flickered across Mal’s face. Jay would have rather she punched or shoved him. Creating distance between them felt like she could not stand to be close to him. His arms hung limply by his side, aching to be full of her again.
“You’ve got a lot of nerve, Jafar,” she said. Jay’s eye twitched at his last name. She only ever called him that when she was truly upset with him. “Know your place.” As angry and betrayed as he felt, Jay knew that she was still his leader. Before any more damage could be inflicted, he grabbed his bag and exited her room. Turning his back on the only person he would go to the ends of the world for.