Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Ready the prisoners. We are about to anchor at the Imperial city.” I hear someone shout from the deck above, which wakes me up. I groan, stretching myself and getting a few satisfying pops inside my joints before sitting up on my hammock to see what all the commotion is all about. Well…I would love to if they didn’t cover up my cell with thick layers of fabric to isolate me from the other prisoners. Who, by the way, are waking up as several groans and curses echo throughout the underbelly of the ship. Some even directed their grievances at their imperial captors. Calling them cowards and bastards and the like.

“Pipe it down. You lot should at least be grateful that we aren’t throwing you all overboard with lead balls attached to your limbs. Now, open the trap door.” I hear one of my captors shout, followed by the click clack sound of someone unlocking a door just above us. Even with those blankets covering up my cell I can see sunlight peeking through the fabric as heavy footsteps descend into the ship I have been calling home for at least a couple of days now.

Funny how life works sometimes. One moment I was happily chilling at my place with a cup of coffee and playing some video games to pass the time, and the next I suddenly found myself inside a cave before getting a potato sack flung over my head. I would have panicked but everything happened so goddamn fast that I didn’t even have the time to shout “You won’t have my kidneys!” to my kidnappers. And now I am here, swaying back and forth on my hammock while trying to get the grogginess out of my system. If only I had a cup of coffee. But apparently coffee doesn’t exist in Tamriel, a concept which should horrify me to no end if the idea that I am in fucking TAMRIEL now isn’t taking center stage inside my psyche.

Like WOW. I mean holy shit what the actual fuck! I mean I only just recently finished Oblivion (Remastered) for the very first time and now I am fucking IN TAMRIEL of all places if those conversations I’ve been listening to these past few days are legit or not. Hearing places like High Rock, Valenwood, or Skyrim in their conversations, just to name a few, and I think I’ve even heard someone mention Emperor Uriel Septim the VII -Patrick fucking Stewart- by name. I’m still on the fence, but the fact that I just suddenly woke up in the middle of nowhere before getting stuffed in a cell and transported to this rickety ship soon after does make one pause and think. Especially if they don’t even know what fucking coffee is when I tried to ask them.

I really must be in Tamriel it seems, or at least inside a very vivid dream. I mean it is not the first time I fell asleep while on the couch and it certainly won’t be the last…IF this is a dream that is. Something I am also still on the fence on.

No, I haven’t done the all so famous trick of pinching myself to see if it hurts or not. I still wanna be surprised, plus, I haven’t really been treated badly so far. I’ve been getting three meals a day and even the guards were kind enough to ask me what I would like to drink. That’s how I found out that these fuckers don’t even know what coffee actually is which shattered my disposition somewhat. But hey I could also be in some bumfuck corner of Africa where some natives have never heard what coffee is so there is that. But only time will tell.

I’ll have enough opportunities to freak out once the truth comes out. Until then, I guess I’ll play along and see where this leads us, and by us, I mean me, my red shirt, my gray colored sweat pants and my heavily worn-out flip flops, and my coffee mug which I also have for some reason. But hey I’m not complaining.

“Rise and SHINE!” The rough voice from before calls out. “Unlock the cells and chain the prisoners together. We’ve got a schedule to follow so hurry up.” I hear him bark followed by the sounds of cells unlocking and chains clambering and moving about. Some of the prisoners groan while others hiss and some even give their captors some choice words followed by the obvious sounds of sticks meeting flesh or someone’s skulls.

“All of you SHUT UP! Drag them off the ship and onto the docks and wait there!” The same rough voice orders before I can hear a set of heavy footsteps approaching my cells.

“What about that one?” I hear a young voice ask.

“I don’t know. We’ve simply received orders to escort him to the imperial prison and make sure he doesn’t get seen by anyone.” He explains which makes me raise an eyebrow. But other than that I stay quiet.

“Here!” I watch a shadow approaching through the blankets covering my cell. “Put these on and hurry up.” He orders as a brown colored robe gets pushed through beneath my cell door.

I just shrug before picking it up and finding out that it is indeed a robe. Stitched together out of some old rags, but clean enough, I suppose. It even comes with a hood designed to cover my entire head. No peep holes, which I find slightly annoying, but I won’t start to argue with someone who chain smokes at least 6 packs of cigarettes each and every day. At least judging by how he sounds. Also, that shadow pressing against the blankets looks massive. Better do what he wants and write a terrible review later. Their rooms are shit, the other guests are obnoxious, and the pillows are just bundles up pieces of straw. But hey, at least the food is decent. Maybe a bit too salty for my taste, but I’m on a wooden ship, so that’s a given.

I put on the robe and hood before voicing out my readiness towards my captors.

“Good, now unlock the cell.” I hear “batman” order, followed by someone unlocking the cell door and opening it. They really need to oil those hinges, they sound absolutely horrible.

“Alright, bind his hands and lead him outside with the other prisoners. A cart is already waiting outside for him. So, get a move on.”

“Aye captain.” The younger one replies.

“Ok hold still, this won’t hurt.” He reassured me while tying my hands together with what feels like just a piece of simple rope. His hands don’t feel like hands though. They're covered in hair, LOTS of hair…almost like fur now that I think about it. Maybe it’s a Khajit but I can only roughly count 3 fingers from what I feel. If only this damn hood had some eyeholes to see through it, then I wouldn’t be so damn confused.

Just you wait Alex, all will be revealed in due time.

“Alright there we go. Now just follow me and watch the steps alright?” My three fingered captor instructs before leading me up the stairs and out into the open air where I can finally feel a bit of wind flowing through robes which honestly feels nice after spending days inside that cell.

I can already make out a lot of commotion, people chatting and arguing in the distance, the sound of water moving up and down against the docks, and of course, my own steps hitting wood before eventually transitioning over to stone.

Dry land at last.

“You, get in that cart and stay quiet. The same goes for the rest of you but you don’t get the luxury of getting a ride to your new home. So, GET MOVING!” I hear a new voice bark followed by some groans and quiet swearing.

“NOW LET’S MOVE!” He ordered as the cart began to jerk forward.

Well, at least I get to ride in style. It would be even better if I could FUCKING SEE!! But instead, I have to rely on my good ol’ ears to piece together the world around me as I get carted off to some prison. Again, I am still on the fence on the -is this real of not?- idea, and if I really somehow ended up on Tamriel or not. I mean, the possibility is there, it’s not the weirdest concept out there, there are much stranger things you can find online, and stories about people who just disappeared from the face of the earth. Never to be seen again.

Maybe now I am one of them. Getting Alice in Wonderland-ed to a crazy and magical world full of fame and fortune. Or maybe I’m just overthinking things? I tend to do that a lot whenever I get bored. Yeah, bored. Getting bored at the possibility of having beengotten whisked away to a world previously thought to only exist inside of a video game. Some may call this strange but others just call me crazy or insane.

So, which one is it? Both words are completely different from one another. So, am I crazy or just insane? Food for thought.

“HALT!” I hear someone shout, crashing my train of thought. The wagon also suddenly jerked backwards, indicating that we indeed stopped. Also, wer'e already here?

“Here we are. Your new homes. I hope you’ll all enjoy it, because you won’t be leaving for a very long time.” The same guy from before joked which was met with relative silence.

I mean to be fair, it was a terrible joke. I mean, where was the punchline or even the buildup? I’ll give it a 3 out of 10 for effort.

“What do we have here? Are those the new shipment of prisoners from High Rock?” A new voice asked. This one sounded just as rough as the other one back at the ship. Only with fewer cigarettes.

“Aye.” The other one howls. “From traitors to murderers. Here to serve their sentence. The usual really.” He dismisses.

“I see. You’ll have to hand me their papers so that I can catalog them properly. For now, just have them line up against that wall over there while I review records.” I then hear him pause. “What about that guy?” He then asks, probably pointing at me. Rude. You don’t just randomly point at people like that. It is uncalled for.

“Him?” The other one replied. “He's just going straight to the dungeon, no due process needed.” He states. I guess I must be special. I do feel special sometimes… or at least that’s what my neighbors always call me. The “Special One”.

“That bad huh? Well just get him off the cart then.” The other guy states.

“You heard that? You on the cart, get off.” The other guy barks. Ok he's starting to get a bit too bossy for my taste. If this is indeed just a dream then I must tell my own mind to at least say please when bossing me around.

I should do that right now.

“How about a simple please. Saying please can go a long way.” I scold. Yeah, I’d shown him. I bet he is coping and seething now.

“Prisoner, please step off that cart so we can continue with the process.” The younger one from before steps in, you know the one with the very hairy three fingered hands.

I smile underneath my hood. “See, that was a lot better.” I reply before getting up. “And thanks to thou for being so civil I shall react in due ki…” I trip and fall off the cart instead. Face first of course. Damn flip flops getting caught on my Robes.

“Whoa there careful!” The younger one reacts in shock. “Hey are you alright?” He asks. Probably leaning over me.

I can hear a few quiet snickers in the distance.

“Just put this fool in a cell and be done with it.” The less throat cancer sounding guy hollers.

“Here I can help you up.” The young one offered. I just groan before just helping myself despite my hands still being tight together. Damn that hurt I hope I didn’t break my no…I pause.

Wait…it hurts…does that mean…

“Come on prisoner, follow me. Nice and easy alright?” My train of thought gets halted as I get pulled along. I would guess my “new” prison cell. “Be careful, watch your step.” He warns as the warmth of the outside world suddenly gives way to the cool and dark interior that is a dungeon. Other than that I can’t really tell where we are going because of this damn POTATO BAG on my head. All I can tell is that we are going down with several doors opening and closing as I get dragged along.

“Well, it seems like it’s going to be your lucky day there, Valen. You are about to get a new neighbor. Oh, how fortunate for you eh?” A new voice taunts as my escort stops. Almost making me bump into him as a result.

Again, I can’t fucking see because of this damn hood.

All I hear is a “Hmph” coming from my right as my escort starts to fumble around with some keys before opening a creaky-sounding door in front of me.

“There, now step in prisoner.” My captor instructs me.

“Do I at least get a bed and access to your prison's Wi-Fi?” I ask.

“Prisoner please just step into your cell so that I can untie your arms. Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.” He requests, still trying to be respectful but with a bit more sternness behind his tone this time. Probably because even he is running out of patience it seems.  

I quietly groan. “Fine.” I reply before complying.

“There, now hold still so that I can undo those robes.” He states before doing just that.

“There we go. Once I lock the cell you can remove your cloak and hood if you wish. Don’t cause any trouble here.” He states as I rub my wrist to get the soreness out of them.

The cell door then closes followed by a pair of footsteps disappearing and another door closing upstairs.

“FINALLY!” I exclaim. “I can finally take this damn hood off and breathe. Bloody hell.” I exhale before just dropping the damn thing on the floor.

“Wi-fi password. As if having access to Wi-fi is doing me any good when I don’t have my phone. What was I thinking.” I scolded myself.

“What the…who and what the hell are you?” A voice suddenly echoes behind. I turn around, expecting to see the other prisoner mentioned earlier, but instead I come face to face with a little gray fox looking with blue eyes and red colored highlights on top of its head and around its paws. It looks at me with confusion before shaking its head and giving me a disgusted look.

“Geeze, you're the ugliest Pokémon I’ve ever seen, and trust me, I've seen a lot of ugly looking Pokémon during my lifetime, and YOU easily take the cake. You even smell weird.” The little thing taunts before chuckling to itself at my expense.

At that point, my mind just decided it had had enough after these first couple of days as I just fell over and lost consciousness right then and there. Oh and the fact that I haven’t slept at all for these first couple of days since waking up in that damn cave also doesn't help with that. Because I WAS under the impression that all of this was just a dream. Because why would I need to go to sleep if I’m already asleep? Makes very little sense, does it? Well, guess I was wrong. 

There better be a mug of coffee right next to me when I wake up or so help me…

Chapter Text

I groan as I slowly wake up from perhaps the most uncomfortable position I’ve ever had the displeasure of waking up in, with my left arm pinned in-between me and the cold rough floor, my right arm twisted upwards behind the back of my head and neck and with my legs somehow tangled up by the robe, AND to add to that there is also someone’s thigh bone stuck inside my mouth as well. Forcing me to gag and immediately spit it out.

“Urgh, gah! Disgusting.” I cough before rolling onto my back.

“Fuck…what happened I? Where the fuck am I?” I wonder out loud as I slowly turn my eyes to look for clues to my query, only for my eyes to quickly lock at the old rusty chains hanging from the ceiling. It then all came back to me. The cave, the boat trip and me falling off that goddamn carriage. I don’t need to pinch myself because that little incident made it super clear. I’m in Tamriel for some reason and for whatever reason. Kinda sus given the fact that I have finished playing Oblivion only recently before suddenly waking up here. Is this a sign, or just random cosmic fuckery on a multiversal scale. Or drugs.

Either way, I am suddenly inclined to get to the bottom of it, and nothing -and I mean NOTHING- shall stop me or prevent me from reaching that bottom. Even if I have to break out of this cell and…

I pause once I look past my cell door and still see that gray looking fox thing staring back at me from the opposite cell.

Ah yes that one. The trigger which made me lose consciousness in the first place. Am I really in Tamriel? Is that supposed to be Valen Dreth? You know the same little dickhead who talks shit to you at the beginning of the game, after you finished making your abomination? That Valen? I mean…one of the guards referred to it as such, that I remember. So, is this the racist little dark elf in furry form or is the name Valen just a coincidence?

Well only one way to find out.

“Hey YOU!” I call out after sitting up. Getting the little critters full attention if not more so. “Is your name Valen Dreth?” I ask, getting straight to the point. Also funny how I still remember that one NPC’s name when I can’t even be bothered to remember what day of the week it is when I don’t have a Calendar in front of me 24/7.

It’s the odd quirks that make a person.

Either the little foxo reacts by giving me a suspicious look. “Yeah, how in Azura’s name do you know my name? Did those imperial dogs tell you my name or something?” It…or rather HE replies while giving me this stink eye. HIS face a mix of suspicion and mild irritation. He even sounds like Valen Dreth…only you know…in fox form.

For one, YES I was right, this IS Valen. But secondly, what the fuck? Why is Valen a small cartoon fox now? Did I end up in a furry version of The Elder Scrolls or did someone install some mods when I wasn’t looking? Even the stone work in this cell looks a bit…off. Like as if I’m in a cartoon or something. I am feeling so confused right now.

“HEY UGLY!” Valen shouts. “You didn’t answer my question. How in Azura’s name do you know my name?” He repeats, a bit more forcefully this time.

I was about to open my mouth, before pausing and taking this moment to think. If I am here and Valen Dreth is over there, then does this mean that I am at the beginning section of Oblivion? Like, what are the odds? I would LOVE to dig deeper into this rabbit hole of an idea if Valen wasn’t the little piece of shit like he always is.

Mocking me, despite only knowing me for like 5 minutes while being conscious. He could have been staring at me for who knows how many hours while I was busy NOT being conscious.

Creep.

“…and you’re not leaving this cell until your body gets sold off to the Arcane university to be studied and dissected. Oh, that’s right. You’re going to die here. Ugly one. You’re going to die.” He taunts, before his ears suddenly perk up. “Oh, you hear that? I think the guards are coming for you. Hihihi hahaha!” He laughs, followed by the distinct sound of multiple footsteps descending down into the dungeon towards us.  

I think I know where this is going.

“Baurus! Lock that gate behind you!” I hear someone order.

“Yessir.” Someone replies as the sounds or metal boots quickly become louder and louder.

“My sons…they’re dead, aren’t they?” Another one asks, though this one sounds particularly familiar.

“We don’t know that, Sire. The messenger only said they were attacked.” The first one replied as I can quickly see a group of shadows appear along the wall.

“No, they’re dead. I know it.” The familiar one replied. I swear he sounds like...

It then dawned on me.

Wait…I think that’s Patrick Stewart’s voice isn’t it? I mean he voiced Uriel Septim inside Oblivion. So, it makes sense. Oh boy I can’t wait to meet Patrick Stewart as the Emperor. Granted I’m not a Star Trek nerd, but if I was then…

“My job right now is to get you to safety”. Rude, can’t even monologue to myself in peace without getting interrupted. No matter, they’re here anyway. So, I can finally see and…

 “What’s this prisoner doing here? This cell is supposed to be off-limits.” The thing on the other side of the cell door demands, and by thing, I mean…what the hell! Those are not the BLADES! They look completely different! They look like red and yellow looking toy figurines with oversized pauldrons and Lego-like hands and…well, ok, their helmets do look kinda cool with those flaming ponytails behind their heads. But still. THESE AREN’T THE BLADES I REMEMBER! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!? BAURUS IS SUPPOSED TO BE BLACK, BUT NOW HE IS THIS…THIS…RED AND YELLOW LEGO PIECE WITH A -still arguably- NEAT LOOKING HEAD PIECE. ALSO, WHY AM I STILL SCREAMING INSIDE MY HEAD!?

“Usual mix up with the Watch. I…”

“Never mind, get that gate open.”

“Stand back, prisoner. We won’t hesitate to kill you if you get in our way.” She then orders. Grabbing the hilt of her Akaviri blade as an added bonus to intimidate me to comply.

At least that’s still the same. Them having swords, I mean.

I blink before realizing that I am still sitting on the rough prison floor next to someone’s skull and ribcage and immediately get up to comply with these “Guards”. I don’t exactly feel like getting shishkebabed today for being stubborn, but also to physically and mentally prepare myself for the horrors that are about to come by pressing myself against the wall. How will Uriel look like now? Will he still look the same somehow or will I be facing a demon from another dimension? Well, he's about to step out of the shadows so let’s see what trepidations await me in this modded version of…

My confusion ascends to a whole new level.

A Clown, a fucking clown with no nose, red cheeks and hair which look more a pair of handlebars growing out from the side of his head, (I wonder if they can be used as handlebars though) all while still wearing Uriel’s attire, McGuffin necklace included.

Dear lord. I think to myself. Patrick Stewart, what have they done to you? I think as a million Trekkies cry out in anguish, before quickly falling silent.

 “Wait…” Something else suddenly dawns on me. “That’s…That's Mr. MIME! One of those Pokémon creatures from when I was a kid!” I loudly exclaim while also rudely pointing at the NOT Patrick Stewart in question. Much to the guard’s displeasure.

“How dare you?! Show some respect you criminal dog! This is the emperor you are speaking to, you filthy lowlife cri…” One of them was about to reach for his katana until Uriel -as fucking Mr. Mime- silenced him by raising his hand before approaching me.

Wait…if Uriel is a Pokémon, then does this mean that his guards and even Valen over there are Pokémon as well? Granted, my knowledge about this franchise only extends to maybe the second or third series when I was still young and not as crafty or as handsome as I am now. (Valen is probably just jealous of my good looks) But still…what the actual FUCK!

This is NOT the Oblivion I remember.

“You…I’ve seen you…” Patrick Stwart suddenly states, breaking my thought.

“Let me see your face…you are the one from my dreams…Then the stars were right, and this is the day. Gods give me strength.” He says while staring directly into my soul. Well two can play that game as I stare back at him just as intensive.

But neat, does this mean I get to be the Hero of Kvatch at some point? There is only one teeni-tiny problem with that…EVERYONE HERE HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FUCKING POKEMON! THE EMPEROR, HIS BLADES, HELL, EVEN THOSE PRISONERS AND THEIR GUARDS ON THAT BOAT WERE PROBABLY POKEMON AS WELL!

I then pause. Wait…if Patrick Stewart is here, then does this mean that Sean Bean is also…

“Please, sire, we must keep moving.” One of the guards calls out, interrupting my train of thought.

“Hey, would you please stop interrupting me? I am having some very important crises over here. It's considered rude when someone stops a fellow man from having a mental breakdown. So just go through that secret passage of yours and let me wallow in my thoughts.” I complain.

“Are you sure that this is the right one sire?” I manage to catch one of those “guards” whisper at Patrick Stwart’s nonexistent ears.

All Patrick Stewart did was nod as the one leading this gang of an old Mime and three Playmobil figures do exactly as I requested. Pushing a couple of hidden buttons on the wall and revealing the aforementioned secret passage.

See I’ve played the game so I know what’s up. I also know that from this point on, it's going to be a long and tedious trudge through some caves and the imperial city sewers, and since this is apparently real and NOT a game, it’s going to smell like absolute ASS down there.

Fun.

Also, they just left while I was telling this to myself.

Good. Because now I finally resume my midlife crisis I was so “Woefully” and “ Rudely ” interrupted by that Blade chick from earlier.

Seriously, how the hell are you supposed to guess their gender if they all fucking look the same. Do they even have bits? Am I spending my time correctly on this Akatosh forsaken world to philosophically ask myself if Playmobil figurines have dicks or not? Maybe I should…

“Hey, ugly one. Are they finally going to kill you in there or not?” Valen shouts.

I throw my arms up in frustration. “Oh, for FUCK SAKE!” I scream after getting interrupted yet again.

You know what, screw this. Into the sewers I go. At least if I make it, I’ll be free from further interruption and insults coming from a talking gray fox. Plus, I need some coffee, and I REFUSE to believe that coffee doesn’t exist in Tamriel. They have drugs so why not caffeine as well, which is a drug, only legalized compared to meth, cocaine or heroin.

I steel myself as I trudge through the open passage. Ready to find myself a cup of coffee, even if I have to travel through the plains of oblivion itself in order to find it or die trying.

…Minus the dying part of course.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 (Somewhere else underneath the Imperial city)

“YAAAAAH!”

*Slice*

*Splat*

“Ahhh…I think…that was the last one.” I sigh as I look at the last remaining Rattata in front of me. Sliced in half by my sword. I finally allowed myself to sit down on my hunches to catch my breath while looking around the room to review the carnage. Dead Rattata’s everywhere, all slain by the edge of my blade and the occasional use of some Ice shard to keep one who tried to flank me at bay.

I sigh. “Why did I agree to do this?” I ask myself as I finally dropped my sword and let it fall in front of my blood-covered paws with a loud clang. My ears clamped down at the loud sound but also from the fact that I don’t have a single Septim to my name.

The main reason why I even accepted this job in the first place.

“Go kill some Rattatas that have infested the northeastern sewers and you will be compensated.” I huffed. “Some, more like an entire nest's worth of them. I even got bitten a few times.” I mumble angrily to myself while looking at a particular large bite mark on my left thigh.

I poke it with my right paw and flinch. I just hope that the client pays me the promised sum of Septims because I'll need to buy a couple of cure disease positions in case these vermin had anything nasty on them. Which in turn would just bring me back to square one. With very little money to my name even though I traveled from Skyrim down to Cyrodill to try out my luck here.

Well, so much for that idea.

I again sigh before picking up my sword with my mouth and gently returning it to its sheath strapped to my side. Noting how its brown leathery straps clash with my blue fur but I honestly don’t mind. I could have gotten a purple-colored strap instead to somewhat match my fur color but that was too expensive. I need to be mindful of how I spend my septims because…well…I’m broke.

Life back at home wasn’t that much better to be honest but this isn’t exactly an improvement either. It’s a bit warmer down here at least but it’s not like the cold weather back home ever bothered me. I mean I’m an ice type after all. I could be prancing around on top of the Throat of the World and I'd be fine. I think…

Though I never made the pilgrimage up towards its summit because I was always too scared of heights. I wonder If things went down differently if I did…I should really stop thinking about it.

I shake my head before slowly getting up on all fours and making my way towards the exit which is blocked off by a flood door. I grumbled to myself as I grabbed the crank next to it with my paws and began slowly turning it clockwise in order to raise the thick piece of steel and give myself an exit. Only for my nose to get immediately assaulted by a myriad of smells that will make someone wanna gag. I already lost my breakfast earlier, and trying to cover my nose with my paws is futile.

Again, why did I agree to this, even if I am broke.

“Bah…back through the sewers then. Gods, I hate myself sometimes.” I gag before stepping out in the wonderful world that is the Imperial City sewer system. A marvel of engineering itself but a sewer is still a sewer. It’s filled with all kinds of waste and creatures that somehow thrive down here. Like Trubbish. Who thankfully stays docile as long as you keep your distance.

Gods, Glaceon’s may not be known to have the best sense of smell, especially when compared to a Rockruff or a Houndour. But still, this stench is almost unbearable. I can only imagine how bad it must be for a Rockruff. Just pure torture for them. I would rather have Rattata blood smeared all over my muzzle than having to smell this… in fact…maybe that’s not such a bad idea...I still have a large stain of fresh blood coating my left paw. Maybe if I rub some of it onto my nose then maybe it can…

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

I immediately froze.

“That scream came from further down the tunnel. Sounds like trouble.”  I thought to myself out loud as I tried to determine how far the source of that scream was. Down here it's really difficult to determine the source and distance via sound alone because everything down here just echoes.

“Ahhhhh for fuck sake leave me alone!”

There it is again, this time sounding a lot closer than before.

“ It really sounds like someone is in trouble. Maybe I should help but… ” I pause as I notice that the small group of Trubbish I passed by earlier is suddenly gone. Like suspiciously so, and Trubbish aren’t exactly known to be speedy little devils.

The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly start to stiffen.

“I don’t like this.” I mutter to myself before instinctively drawing my sword. Holding it tightly in between my teeth as I steel myself for what’s to come.

I was prepared for anything but not what eventually came stumbling out from a side passage further down the tunnel followed by a horde off… 

“AAAAAAH I HATE THIS!!” The newcomer screams as he hordes, a literal Horde of Rattata’s and some Raticate’s are chasing after him. Their loud squeaks drowning out almost everything down here.

“YOU THERE, GET OUT OF MY WAY!” The tall creature screams before unceremoniously dashing past me.

I instinctively look over my shoulder to follow him, feeling momentarily confused before looking back at the approaching horde in front of me and…

Nope!

To immediately turn tail and run.

I am not being paid enough to deal with this.

“HEY WAIT FOR ME!”

Again, why did I agree to this?    

“HEY WAIT!” I repeat after him. Again, this creature is surprisingly fast for someone of its size, and only runs on two legs. I’ve never been the fastest, but even I can outrun most bipeds if I really want to. But with this one I can barely even keep up. Maybe it’s the fact that I am still clutching my sword inside my mouth. It doesn’t exactly make running easier.

“I SEE LIGHT!” The stranger shouts.

“YES! FREEEEEDOM!” It calls out before somehow running even faster.

A quick look over my shoulder still confirms that we are still being chased. The horde of rats are still after us, and worryingly, gaining.

“HOLD ON! THAT WAY LEADS TO A DEAD END!” I call out once I realize where It…or rather he (judging by the tone of his voice earlier) is running towards.

That gate is locked. I know because I tried getting in through that gate earlier. Maybe all sewer outlets need to be locked so that Pokemon’s like Rattata’s and others can’t keep getting in. That would have made my job easi…nevermind.

“SSSSHIT ITS LOCKED!” He screams after trying to open it. Giving me enough time to finally catch up with him.

“That’s what I tried to say earlier.” I argue. I look around. “By Kyne we’re trapped. This room is a dead end.” I call out before looking behind us. Yup where trapped. The horde is only moments away from finally catching up to us.

I instinctively turn around to face it. By Shor, if I’m going to die today then I at least not like a coward. I’m going to take as many of them with me as I can even though my paws are shak…

“Finally, it's open!” The stranger behind me suddenly calls out.   

“Wh-what?” I react while looking over my shoulder. 

“The key NOT Baurus gave me works, thank God!” He states before dashing through the open gate. “FREEEEEDOM!!” He screams, leaving me behind.

“HEY WAIT FOR ME!” I quickly turn around before chasing after him. Having to close my eyes a bit in order to shield them from the bright outside light.

“YES! FREEDOM! FRESH FUCKING AIR, FINALLY!” I hear him shout as I also make it out. Feeling the warmth of the sun against my fur feels so nice after having spent hours stuck inside that damn sewer. Also, the refreshing smell of fresh air too. Thank Talos.

“Hey, stranger. I just wanna…”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

He suddenly starts to scream again.

Chapter Text

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” He continues to scream from the top of his lungs while rolling around on the ground like a freaking madmon. Only to pause for a couple of seconds to inhale before resuming his tirade.

“FUUUUUUUUUUU-HUHUHUHUHUHUH-UUUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING OOOON!” He clutches his head. “WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING DIFFERENT! WHY HAS EVERYTHING BEEN REPLACED WITH FUCKING POKEMOOOONS!? THERE WAS THIS CAVE FILLED WITH RED LOOKING IMP THINGS, GIANT CRAPS AND A BLOODY HOT DOG STAND which is selling hot dogs for only 2.99 SITTING AT A RANDOM CORNER! I EVEN WATCHED THE ASSASSINS CUT THE EMPEROR’S HEAD CLEAN OFF! THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE THE GAME! THE DICKHEAD WAS EVEN TOO FAT FOR HIS ROBES. THIS ISN’T THE OBLIVION I REMEMBER. WHY AM I FUCKING HEEEEEEERE? THIS WORLD DOESN’T EVEN HAVE COFFEE! RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” He again screams before rolling up into a fetal position and slowly rocking back and forth. Even sucking one of his digits while mumbling something incoherently to himself.

After a few more minutes of this I finally regained enough courage to react.

“Are…are you…ok?” I timidly ask.

He suddenly stops. “Yeah, never been better.” He casually replies before getting back up. “Just needed to get that out of my system, that's all.” He adds while dusting himself off before pulling out a necklace with a big red jewel out of his tattered robes.

“Wh-what’s that?” I ask, still feeling cautious.

“Oh this?” He holds the necklace up. “It’s just the Amulet of Kings.” He replies.

My eyes go wide. “Wait…the Amulet of Kings? THE Amulet of Kings!? The same one worn by the emperor?” I react in shock.

“Ho-how did you…get that?” I continue on while pointing a paw at it.

“Oh, that’s simple.” He then pauses all of the sudden for like a good ten seconds or more before resuming. “Uriel, AKA Patrick Stewart, gave it to me before he died. Told me to go find his last son or whatever and -and I quote- “Close shut the jaws of Oblivion”. He explains while raising two digits on each of his…hand I think they are called to use them as “quotes”.

Honestly that just left me with even more questions than it answered them. But one particular part stood. One I just couldn’t Ignore.

“W-wait…the emperor is DEAD?” I ask in shock.

He nods. “Ja, got killed by some big black and white bear looking thing with constantly squinting eyes. I don’t even know how he managed to sneak up on him without getting noticed. But he did, and even right after Uriel gave me his McGuffin and told me to stop some bad dreams he's been having from becoming real. But honestly my suggestion would have been for him to just seek out a good psychiatrist for his dreams, but I never called back mine so it’s kinda Ironic that I’m the one here giving life advice. But eh…” He shrugs before stopping completely.

I, on the other hand, just look at him as if he's crazy. I mean he might very well be crazy. Heck, I don’t even know what species he is. Is he even a Pokémon? In fact, the longer I look at him the closer he resembles a Daedra. Not that I have ever encountered a Daedra per say, the only Daedra I saw were just pictures or illustrations. But the fact that his face alone kinda resembles one from memories I can recall kinda puts me on edge.

In fact, where did I drop my sword?

I slowly begin to panic at that realization. I quickly begin to look around, only to thankfully find it resting next to the sewer entrance.

I gave the stranger a careful glance before speedily shifting backwards to unobtrusively grab my sword with my tail while still keeping eye contact with the weird stranger in front of me who was busy trying to put the “supposed” Amulet of Kings around his neck and failing multiple times. Either he doesn’t know how to fasten a necklace or this really is the Amulet of Kings. Because it said that only those blessed with the blood of Akatosh can wear it. Giving me more reasons to doubt myself and to actually believe his stories, despite how insane they sound.

He suddenly claps his hands which made me jump. “Anyway, now that my mandatory mental breakdown is out of the way, to whom do I owe the pleasure?” He asks while looking at me.

I pause while tilting my head at him in confusion.

“Like…for starters what type of Pocket Monster are you?” He asks.

“…Pocket what?” I react before shaking my head. “I’m a Glaceon, and an Ice type. Have you never seen an Ice type before?” I ask bewildered.

“Nope.” He swiftly replied. “But you are also female, correct?” He then quickly asks, confusing me even more.

“Wha…eh…Ye-yeah, I mean isn’t it obvious?” I replied. Is this guy an idiot or something?

“Just wanna make sure.” He states. “Because the only clue I can get without being rude is to listen to someone’s voice, and yours clearly sounds feminine.” He explains.

“Uh…OK?” I react while raising a suspicious eyebrow. “Because most Pokémon can recognize someone’s gender through their scent. Are you sure that you can’t tell my gender through my scent alone?” I ask.

“Hey, you just said “most”. Which isn’t all. So, I could easily be part of those “few” who can’t.” He points out.    

“Uh, I…guess so.” I admit. Though still feeling mildly suspicious.

“By the way, what is your name?” He then asks, breaking my state of absent-mindedness.

“I…” I juggle my thoughts a bit before replying. “My name is May. Wannabe fighter and adventurer. Trying to seek my luck elsewhere after leaving my home in Skyrim, and who are you?” I quickly counter, hoping to finally get some usable answers out of him besides his mindless ramblings.

He gestures to himself. “My name is Alexander Becker, and I hail from the far-off mystical lands of modern-day Germany. The land of the poets and thinkers, and some of the best bread, beer, and pastries money can buy. But don’t say it in front of a French person. They might have different opinions on that.” He whispered the last part out.

Again, I get more questions than I get answers but I at least know what his name is. Though there is still one question I want to get an answer to, no matter if he keeps telling me nonsensical gibberish from this point forth.

“Alright but, what species are yo…” I tried to ask before I realized he wasn’t paying attention anymore. He looked around himself, struck with a sudden sense of wonder while gazing up towards the walls of the Imperial City just behind me and then back towards the shores of Lake Rumare in front of us. Close to where we stand is an old dock with a boat fastened next to it. Don’t know who’s boat it is but it doesn’t matter. Because from what I can tell is that Alexander is now gazing at a distant island within the lake, an island which holds the remains of some ancient civilization which I think we're called the Ayleids If my knowledge of ancient History is correct or not.

I think I read a book about them at some point.

Either way, Alexander seems to be transfixed on it for some reason. Standing there like a lifeless statue while facing the ruins off in the distance. At this point, I’m getting frustrated.

“Hello, Tamriel to Alexander? Are you still listening?” I call out while throwing a pebble at his back to get his attention.  

He suddenly turns around, forcing me to back-pedle a couple of steps after seeing the huge grin on his face.

“Wait, I just realized something.” He calls out. “I’m ON Tamriel. Granted, it’s not exactly the same exact Tamriel I know but it’s still Tamriel nonetheless AND taking place within the beginning of the Oblivion Crisis. Do you know what that means?” He asks while still looking down at me with that massive creepy grin on his face.

“N-no?” I reply while shrinking back a bit.

“Me neither.” He shrugs. “But I do know that thanks to my advanced knowledge of Elder Scrolls lore, this world shall be my oyster. I shall collect every Daedric McGuffin there is, join every guild and become their Grand Masters AND collect every. Single. Sweet Roll across the land so no one can have it, oh and maybe along the way…” He suddenly pauses. “…find a cup of GODDAM COFFEE BECAUSE I NEED ONE!!” He screams, suddenly sounding frustrated then ever…since these past few minutes I know him so far. 

“And to begin, I shall start with THOSE ruins over there.” He calls out while pointing at the Ayleids ruins ahead of him.

“Road to godhood here I come.” He exclaims before literally skipping towards the dock. Probably planning to use the boat to cross the lake in order to reach the ruins in the distance.

I just blink a couple of times while I watch this strange being climb into the boat while fumbling with its paddles.

Is this guy for real? I think to myself before shaking my head.

“Oh no, NO YOU BLOODY DON’T!” I scream, now feeling more pissed off then frustrated. I quickly ran towards the boat and jumped on it before tackling and pinning this idiot against the boat's hull.

“WHAT IN SHOR’S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” I scream directly at his face while towering above him.

“What do you mean?” He casually replies, looking more perplexed than scared or intimidated. Which honestly just pissed me off even more.

“What do I mean? What do I MEAN?” I mimicked. “For starters, you just bloody told me out of the blue that the emperor is DEAD and that he gave you, YOU! The Amulet of Kings, the very symbol of the Empire and you act as if its no problem, that it's no big deal that the emperor, THE EMPEROR gave you one of the most powerful items in the world to you. A creature…”

“Hey, that's racist.”

“SHUT UP! A…person who talks and behaves like somemon who’s been doing way too many bottles of skooma while again acting way too bloody casual with all of this, and what’s with this talk of “an Oblivion Crisis”. Don’t pretend I didn’t listen to every random bit of nonsense you spout! Because I got very damn good ears so unless you don’t want to explain yourself, you better start keeping your mouth shut or otherwise you’ll have to explain yourself. Like, right. NOW! I press my nose right against his tiny one. “So, you better start explaining yourself or so Talos HELP ME!” I threaten while glaring at him.

“Uh…for starters, can you be so kind and get off of me. You are literally pressing against my lungs right now.” He asks. I can feel and hear that he has a bit of trouble breathing. So out of my own kindness and patience, I decided to follow up on his request by removing myself from him. Though I am adopting a stance that will make it easy for me to tackle him again if I have to.   

I carefully watch him as he gets up in a sitting position while fixing up his robes a bit.

“Well, I’m waiting.” I ask impatiently while thumping my right paw.

“Hold on, I’m checking if the Amulet is still there. It could have been dislodged from my pocket when you jumped me.” He states before perking up.

“Ah, there it is.” He calls out holding it up.

“Alright, here is my first question.” I start while pointing at the Amulet. “Is that really the Amulet of Kings you are holding?” I ask.

“I mean see for yourself.” He states before holding it out for me to hold it.

I did so almost immediately. Grabbing it with my right paw and examining it. The weight of the Gem seems genuine and the glint against the sun highlights its perfect lines and edges. I can even feel a sense of warmth coming off the gem which a simple gem shouldn’t be able to do. I can feel a small portion of its magic coursing through my paw which makes me shiver. There is no doubt about it. This has to be the real Amulet of Kings and I am holding it, right here, in my paw.

Others would DIE to have this relic in their position. Both literally and metaphorically. Empires rose and fell for this, and I am again holding it, in my paw.

Talos guide me.

*Snap*

Snap !

“Hello, May, are you done?” I hear Alexander call out which broke me from my stupor.

 I shook my head. “Wha-what?”

“You seemed to be in a sort of trance just now. Didn’t know you were allergic to the Amulet of Kings. I think I'll just take It back then.” He states before snatching the amulet back.

“What, I’m not allergic to…”I again shook my head. “Never mind.” There is no point in arguing about that. Especially since there are many more important details to focus on. Like the fact that he might also be telling the truth about the emperor's assassination when HE -of all beings- has the Amulet of Kings in his possession.

I still need to digest this. So let me just focus on something else for now before I start to get stomach cramps.

All of this information is already making me nauseous.

“So, what exactly are you going to do?” I ask

“What do you mean?” He responds.

“I mean you HAVE the Amulet of Kings. One of the most powerful artifacts in the world. What exactly are you going to do with it?” I punctuate.

“Hmmm.” He looks thoughtful. “I AM supposed to take this Amulet to a guy named Jauffre AND go find Uriel's last surviving son, buuuuut…” He paused before looking back at the ruins up ahead…”I can’t exactly do any of that without some capital. So…” He then looks back at me. “Dungeon diving it is!” He announces with an air of confidence.

“Wha…” I pause. “Wait, you have been instructed to deliver the Amulet of Kings and find the emperor's last son, and your first course of action is to go explore some old ruins?” I was completely shocked.

“I mean duh, how else am I supposed to finance better stuff and clothing? By stealing it from bandits of course. Have you never played an RPG before?” He asks.

“Uhhh…” Now I’m just speechless.

“Exactly, which is why I am heading for these ruins.” He announced before stashing the amulet away. “You are free to come along if you want.” He adds before placing the oars on the boat’s rowlocks.

I quickly shake my head. “Hold on, you’re planning to just dive head first into some ancient ruins without even knowing what to expect, just to make some coin? Are you MAD!?” I accuse while once again stomping my paw.

“What do you mean? Seems reasonable to me. That’s what you do in these fantasy settings anyway.” He replies like it’s no problem.

Fantasy? Does he really think that this is nothing but an adventure novel for hi…never mind. I again shook my head.

“Do you at least have any combat skills?” I ask while looking serious.

“Uhh…” He pauses, looking thoughtful for a moment while scratching his chin. After a couple of seconds, he perks up. “Ooh yes, I remember. I found this magic tome when I was spelunking through those imp infested caves. “He conjures the aforementioned tome from a different part of his robe to show me. I didn’t know they made robes with multiple pockets sewn in. “I think this one teaches a basic fire spell. Because when I tried to read it, my mind…”He dramatically paused.” … was suddenly flooded with all kinds of archaic symbols and languages. It was painful at first but then…”He again pauses.”…I was met with a sense of clarity and euphoria. Like as if I suddenly remembered something important after years of having forgotten it…or maybe I am just reading too deep into it, who knows.” He shrugs.

“Either I can now use magic and cast a spell called ‘flare’ as a result” He finishes before demonstrating his claim by casting a small fire bolt into the water beside him. It made a spark, fizzled as it impacted the water, before completely extinguishing from existence.

Some mons have to study magic for years in order to even cast the simplest of spells, (which is why most Pokémon still stick to their natural abilities for both utility and combat) but then this weird looking stranger just does after opening up a spell tome for the very first time.

Who is this and what is he? He still hasn’t answered me about that.

Suffice to say, I give him a very impressive look as my eyes shift to the hand that casted the spell. his palm is still slightly sizzling with arcane energy.

“So does this qualify me to become a professional dungeon diver?” He asks, removing me from my stupor.

I stutter. “I…su-sure I guess.” I reluctantly replied. Not that I even know how to “professionally” dive into a dungeon, as he puts it. The only dungeons I ever explored were the old abandoned silver mines near my hometown. But that was years ago, when I was still a little Eevee. So, I’m not sure.

“Sweet!” He exclaims. “Fame and fortune, here I come!” he declared before grabbing the oars.

 “You know if you don’t want to tag along, this is the part where you probably want to hop off the boat.” He states while giving me a curious look.

I blink. Wait, do I even want to come along? I mean, I always wanted to explore, to experience a true adventure, and become a better fighter. But is it really worth it? To join up with a complete stranger? I mean, that was my main problem anyway. To convince someone to join in my escapades, and yet, here I met someone who instead asks me if I want to come along or not. Should I do it, just to see how it goes?” I ask myself while trying to weigh my options here.  

It’s a risk, but whatever keeps me away from killing Rattatas just to earn a few septims. I guess the sense of risk is its own reward. I mused before finally making a choice.

I sigh. “You know what, fine. But only to make sure you don’t end up dead. Because I at least have some combat and tracking skills, which should keep us alive…hopefully.” I state while rubbing the back of my neck.

“Magnificent!” He declares before suddenly scooting off to the side. “Would you mind helping me row then?” he asks while pointing at the oar to his left. The one he can easily reach with his long appendages if he just stayed seated in the middle.

I hummed in annoyance. “Fine, normally I would point out that operating a row boat as a quadruped would be awkward, but only having to operate one oar should be fine.” I agree before plopping my flank next to him and grabbing the oar with both of my front paws.   

I hear him hum. “You know, you look like ass in case you haven’t realized it. You look like you lost a fight or something.” He suddenly points out.

“Wh…oh yes.” I react after realizing what he meant. I still need to patch myself up first and buy some cure disease potions. I guess I can do that before we enter the ruins, and for the potion, well, I guess that can wait as well.

It should be fine, I hope.  

“Say, is that your sword next to the sewers?” Alexander calls out, breaking my train of thought.

I looked up and spotted what he was referring to. I fought the urge to facepaw.

“Hold on, let me quickly grab it!” I called out before hopping off the boat.

I can’t believe I nearly left my grandfather’s sword just laying on the ground like that. It’s the only remembrance I have of him, it’s practically a family heirloom at this point.

All of this excitement and confusion has really scrambled my mind today, and it's all thanks to this weird stranger I’m about to go “dungeon diving” with.

What did I just agree to?

Chapter Text

I let out an exhausted sigh as our boat finally hit the shore of the island. Alexander then just hops off which earned him a pretty well-earned glare aimed at the back of his head. Somewhere half away during our trip he started to complain about a “sprained ankle” and asked if “I’’ could row the rest of the way. For one, his ankles are in his LEGS not his ARMS, his legs have nothing to do when it comes to rowing a boat, so that excuse was just a mead mug full of piss, and second, he made such a dramatic fuss about “being in pain” AND telling me that he needs to refrain himself from doing too much physically because it might make it worse. Because his “Doctor” told him so.

Again, a bunch of Tauros crap. Also, if he is refrained from doing physical activities THAN WHY IS HE INSISTING THAT WE GO DUNGEON DIVING? THAT’S LIKE…THE MOST PHYSICALLY DEMANDING THING HE COULD DO, BESIDES SWIMMING OR GOING INTO BATTLES!

I swear to Mara if he wasn’t so obviously insane then I would have… 

“Ahh, what a nice and beautiful day to desecrate some ancient history of a long forgotten past. May, are you coming?” He asks while turning around.

“I will after I PROPERLY SECURE THE BOAT TO THE SHORE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED!” I argue before pulling the boat further up towards the shore with my bare teeth. Not on the frame but with a rope of course.

“Magnificent.” He casually replies while clapping his hands.

I fight the urge to growl.

It took me maybe a minute or two to pull the boat to shore and even longer to secure it because I have PAWS. It would have been done a lot faster if a certain SOMEONE with HANDS would have helped me. Once I was done, I turned around too…

“Wait…where did he go?” I think out loud, only to then spot him several yards away, walking towards those Ayleid ruins.

“What the…HEY WAIT!” I call out before running after him. “WAIT!” I repeat before jumping in front of him to force him to halt. “What in Talos' name is WRONG with you?” I demand while stomping my left paw.

“What do you mean?” He casually reacts.

My left eye twitches. “Earlier you were complaining about some “joint” pains and having difficulties moving, and now you are just happily waltzing off into some ill-forgotten ruins without a care in the world. Do you even know what you’re doing?” I ask, glaring at him.

“Of course I do.” He responds. “I’ve done this many times before. You can call me an expert when it comes to cave crawling or dungeon diving.” He assured me.

I highly doubt it. “Ok so what’s the plan then?” I challenge him in hopes of catching him stall or pause. The tall tale sign that he actually has no freaking idea what he's doing.

“There is no plan.” He quickly confesses. “I’m just winging it as I go along. Works every time. Plus, if we're lucky, we might not even need a plan. Ruins normally tendent to be “deserted” you know. That’s usually why they became ruins in the first place. Because it's abandoned. So again, if we were lucky. We can just waltz right through it. No plan needed.” He smiles before just walking past me.

I wanted to say more but instead I just sigh. “You know what…I hope you are right. For my sake at least.” I finally concede before just following him.

Why am I doing this? I ask myself as we walk around a large piece of wall which has collapsed a long time ago. The rubble was at least tall enough to obscure our approach, because once we started to walk around it, it became vehemently clear that we are ‘in fact’ NOT lucky.

There were at least two bandits guarding a makeshift camp on the other side. How do I know that these are bandits? Simple, their crude get-up and makeshift weapons are a dead giveaway. Plus, the four bodies stacked up on top of each right next to a small pile of random belongings which probably don’t belong to these two.

Honestly these types of bandits are the worst. I don’t even think they should be called bandits but rather murderers as they just ambush and kill innocent travelers before stripping them of all of their stuff. I swear if I was in a much better shape than I am now then I would probably try my luck in bringing these two bastards to justice. But I still need to patch up my bite marks and bandage my wounds. Also, I need to…wait…what in Shor’s name is HE DOING!!

I just realized that he has a small fire spell already flickering inside his right palm. Already taking aim at the closest bandit to us and about too…

I quickly pounce on him.

“What are you doing!” I demand quietly through gritted teeth. “You were about to cast your fire spell at that Monferno over there. I mean, I know magic is a lot more potent when compared to moves but could you at least aim your spell at someone who ISN’T a fire type?” I ask while glaring directly into his eyes.

I may not be an expert when it comes to typing. But even a village idiot like me knows that attacking a fire type with a fire move is probably not a good idea. Even if magic is involved.

“But this flare spell is all I have.” He retorts with his spell still active in his right hand and dangerously close to my left paw. I can practically feel the heat emanating from it.

I quickly moved my left paw away while using my right paw to press down against his shoulder. “Then at least aim at the Croagunk next to him.” I instruct. “And secondly, at least warn me first before you decide on doing something drastic.” I add.

“Ok fine. Will do it your way then.” He agrees before awkwardly shifting around. “Uh…can you now get off of me please? You’re pressing me against some very pointy pebbles, and it's very uncomfortable.” He comments.

I pause. “Uh…sure.” I reply before finally granting him his respite.

He sits up. “Huh, didn’t know you could hold onto a spell like this indefinitely without fully casting it. Good to know I suppose.” He comments to himself while observing the small kindle still burning above his right palm.

I just decide to ignore him for a while as I peek around the rubble to…RUN INTO ONE OF THOSE BANDITS.

Both me and the Monferno instinctively jump back.

“OI, Tiki! We got some lost fools over here!” He calls out before unclipping an Iron Mace from his belt.

Crap! I cursed before attempting to do the same with my…wait…WHERE IN TALOS IS MY SWORD? I frantically start to look around for it only to find it resting on some dirt. Right next to Alexander.

Damn it! It must have slit off its sheath when I tackled him. I realize before being forced to dodge an incoming strike.

I wince as this sudden movement reopened the large bite mark on my left flank. I should have made the effort to bandage myself up first before even jumping out of that boat. But I didn’t and now every duck and sidestep just freaking hurts. That I don’t have my sword on me to parry his attacks. 

“HOLD STILL WILL YA!” The monkey demands as I once again swings at me. Forcing me to roll out of the way to avoid him crushing my skull. Even if I had my sword, I doubt it’s wise to try and perry a blunt weapon with it. Especially a heavy mace.

“HEY TIKI! MOVE YOUR ASS OVER HERE ALREADY AND HELP ME! THIS ICICLE IS NOT ALONE!” He howlers without ever breaking eye contact with me as he keeps swinging. What is Alexander even doing? How about you help ME!

“Hey, can you please keep holding him still? It’s kinda difficult to aim with the two of you dancing around.” I finally hear him call out while I am now trying to keep my distance from this guy.

I couldn’t help but glare at him. “HOLD STILL?! HOW ABOUT YOU JUST FIRE THAT DAMN THING AND STOP STALLING!” I screamed, finding it unbelievable that he would even suggest that. He even sounded annoyed no less. “I SWEAR YOU MAGIC USERS ARE ALL BLOODY THE SAME!” I was starting to get exhausted, and now the Croagunk has finally joined the fray and is holding a…bow? Great, an archer. Gods, can this get any worse? My hind legs are burning and this damn Monkey doesn’t even give me enough space for me to breath and break off to go grab my sword. I can’t keep this up forever, I need a break, and now I can see the other guy already drawing his bow. Looking directly at me.

Not good. I don’t have anything to protect myself against archers.

“Ha, you're distracted. Now DIE!” My eyes go wide as I focus back at the Monfernoin front of me who was about to…

“SURPRISE ATTACK!” I heard Alex scream followed by my sword hitting him square on the head butt end of the pummel. Not enough to kill him though (I mean he only got hit with the pummel) but enough to momentarily daze him as I quickly dove forward to grab the sword with my mouth.

Finally, I can properly fight back and get some…

“ARGH!”

I almost dropped my sword. A sense of pain suddenly shot up on my right flank. Craning my neck to look over my shoulder revealed to me why an arrow has just barely grazed me. Its shaft is still sticking out the ground a couple of meters behind me. Luckily the arrow only cut through my right flank, but I don’t expect for the shooter to miss me a second time. Either I need to take cover or I need to somehow close the gap quickly so that I can…

“ICASTFLARE!” I hear Alexander proclaim, followed by a bright orange flash and a cry of pain to my left.

This shook me back into focus as I turned my attention back to the Monferno bandit. Only to find him dropping his mace and clutching the side of his face. The fur helmet had done nothing to protect himself against a well-placed bolt of fire. It was also then when I realized just how distracted I was. For some reason he managed to recover much quicker from being dazed than I was anticipating and was about to strike judging by how close he was just a moment ago before he once again stumbled back.

I can’t believe it, but I guess I owe Alexander my life now.

I turned my gaze back at Alex and gave him a thankful nod, which he followed up by finally getting off his ass and casting another “flare” in a quite dramatic fashion. Doing a weird flurry of movements before flinging another fire spell from his hand. This time aimed at the Croagunk further back and miraculously hit him even from this distance, directly at his arm.

“YAAARGH!” The frog screams before dropping his bow and clutching his now badly burned arm.

Yes, this is our chance. Two bandits unarmed and busy riving in pain. I quickly decided to cease this opportunity by turning my attention back to the Monferno behind me, who, despite his natural resistance to fire, has still suffered some burns near his left eye. He still hasn’t recovered from his shock, a deadly mistake and one I swiftly capitalize on by hastily closing the gap and to slash his throat wide open to end his streak of murder and banditry for good.

He didn’t even put up much of a fight before collapsing onto the ground. The flame at the tip of his tail dying as I watched him take his last pathetic breath before finally drowning in his own blood. I start to pant, but I can’t rest while the other guy is still alive. One of his arms might be incapacitated but that doesn’t make him any less of a threat. He might be hiding a dagger underneath his gambeson or something. Enough of a reason to end this quickly.

I tightened my grip before swiftly closing the gap between me and the Croagunk still clutching his arm. Unlike his “friend” he quickly notices me which prompted him to pull out a dagger seemingly out of nowhere, which proved my previous concerns.

“Ho-hold on there…I…th-this was ju-just a joke alright. Ju-just a joke” He pleads as he hastily backpaddles while pointing the dagger at me.    

I stop. “A joke…A JOKE!” I almost dropped my sword. “YOU CALL AMBUSHING INNOCENT TRAVELERS, KILLING THEM AND THEN DUMBING THEIR STRIPPED-DOWN REMAINS ON PILE A JOKE?! I hiss through my teeth.

He tumbles. “Well…if you put it that way…”

“ICASTFLARE!” Another fire bolt suddenly hits him. This time directly on his head. He dropped like a log immediately after.

“Uhh…” I was left speechless for a moment.

Well, that was quick and easy. I think to myself before shaking my head.

I hear Aelx stop next to me and sound quite out of breath for some reason. I turn around to face him. “FFFFUCK!” He exclaimed. “I always knew I was out of shape but this is ridiculous.” He pants before slowly getting back up and cranking his back to get a few satisfying pops out of it.

I just cringed though.

“Ahhh…now let’s see what kind of stuff they have shall we?” he declares while eagerly rubbing his hands together.  

“Wha…what do you mean? I ask with my mouth still full.

“Isn’t it obvious? We survived the first encounter and now will get to loot all of their stuff. Have you ever played an RPG before?” He asks.

“Arr Pee…?” I groan. “Ugh what are you rambling about?” I ask while giving him a deadpan expression.

He shrugs. “Eh, whatever. The deals aren’t important.” He declares before turning his attention to the makeshift camp. “I’ll just look around for a while, see if there’s anything useful or valuable for us to take. You on the other hand can…maybe patch yourself because you look absolutely horrible. Both visually and in terms of smell. You really need a bath, Missy, and badly.” He states while waving a hand in front of nose and making a “disgusting” expression.

“Like you smell any better.” I retort after dropping my sword so that I can talk better. “You have like…the strangest scent on you. I have come across a lot of Pokémon over my travels with none of them excreting this weird and almost otherworldly scent like you. I don’t know if I should dub it as a scent or a stench. Because it’s just THAT weird.” I explain as a matter of fact.

He just smiles. “Well that just means that it should be easy for you to either find or to Identify me if the need arises.” He states before turning his attention back at the camp. “Anyway. LOOTING TIME” He declares before skipping over to a nearby chest while giggling like a mischievous little kid.

I don’t even know with him sometimes. I mean I don’t even know him in general. We just met today, and so far, he has been the strangest individual I’ve ever met. I don’t even know if he's a Pokémon or not? He has yet to tell me what he is or even where he's from?

Is he even from Tamriel? Ugh my head hurts, alongside the rest of my body.

You know what, I can’t be bothered right now. I first need to tend to my own needs before thinking about anything else. I think to myself before opening a pouch attached on my belt and pulling out some clean rags and a vial of ointment. It is not enough and the ointment can only prevent surface infections but it’s better than nothing. I don’t have enough for my flanks though. Need to also buy a couple of cure diseases just to prevent any nasty surprises. The only issue is that I am broke.

“I wonder if the client is still willing to pay me for “technically” completed the job. Ignoring the fact that there are no more rats now.” I mumble to myself while trying to aid myself as best as I can.

Trying to apply bandages isn’t easy when you have four legs and no opposable thumbs. But it’s doable. Plus playing “adventurer” inside those abandoned mines during my youth did give me a lot of practice early on.

If only my parents were more supportive and didn’t constantly chew me out for this.

“HAHA. JACKPOT!” I hear Alexander call out.

I look back at him. “What, what does that mean?” I ask as I watch him get up in front of an open chest.

I tilt my head. “Uh...wasn’t that chest locked maybe?” I query

“It was.” He quickly replies before turning around where I can now see him holding a decently sized bag in between his hands.

“Oh, so you know how to lockpick then?” I once again ask. Not sure that I condone a skill meant for thieves. But I guess knowing how to lockpick a lock can be useful. In the right circumstances of course.

“Nope.” He again swiftly replies. “I actually found the key for it on that dead frog dude's body. Oh and can you believe that he had a Ruby stuffed in one of his pockets as well? I mean look at this beauty.” He states before pulling out a sizable ruby from one of HIS pockets to show it to me. Twisting it around a few times to catch the glint of the sun on it or something.

I look at him weirdly. Not sure if I also condone the desecration of a dead body, even if said body was used to be a highway robber/murderer, but I guess it's fine as long as he doesn’t do anything else with it. I mean the priests of Arkay do similar things before sanctifying the deceased. So, I guess I might be just overthinking things.

That just leaves the bag though.

“…Ok…so what about that bag? Was that what was inside the chest?” I ask while pointing a paw at it to emphasize.

“Indeed, it was.” Declared before walking in closer and opening the bag to reveal its content. And boy the type of CONTENT that it has. An entire sack filled to the brim with septims.

My eyes widened. “By Talos looks at all of that GOLD!” I exclaimed, surprised.

“I know.” Alexander also exclaimed, smiling. “Just imagine the shit we can buy with this. Like less pinchy robes, clean underwear, and maybe some GOD DAMN COFFEE OH MY GOD!” He suddenly screams which took me completely by surprise. Stepping back reactively with my eyes going even wider.

He pauses. “…sorry, never mind that last part.” He then straightened himself as if nothing had happened. 

“Anyway, we should totally enter the ruins proper. I mean just imagine the treasures we could find down there if THIS is just laying around here on the surface.” He points out while also literally pointing at one of the sealed entrances leading directly into the underground chambers of whatever this place once was.

 I shake my head to get my shock out of my system. “Hold on, you want the US to venture into the ruins after barely surviving two bandits? Are you INSANE!” I call out, glaring at him.

“Yes.” He almost immediately replied, worryingly so. “But think of it this way, you did tell me earlier that the reason why you were frolicking around in those sewers was because you are tight on cash. How much was that job worth if you don’t mind me asking.” He questions.

“Uh…” I pause. “Around 200 septims give or take? To be fair the client was a bit vague about that.” I admit. Having never given myself the time to properly think on his offer because I was just so damn desperate for money. There was even a very small moment where I contemplated the idea of… ”offering myself for coins”, but I banished that idea just as quickly as it appeared. Banished it into the farthest reaches of oblivion.    

He nods. “I see, I see. But then look at this.” He again exclaims at the bag full of septims his holding. “This is clearly much more than just measly 200 septims. Much more. Maybe like 5 times as much.” He guesses. “So again, just imagine how much we could find down below? If we succeed, you’ll never have to kill rats for cash ever again. Just think about it.” He almost implores.

The key word here being “IF”. But what is success without a little bit of risk? Nothing comes easy in life, and someone like me should know that pretty well. Coming from two parents who tried running an Inn in some rural farming village.

There is one small issue though that still bugs me about the money. “Isn’t that the money which they collected from their unfortunate victims? Isn’t it a bit immoral to take the money from the deceased?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “But what I DO know is that stealing things from bandits isn’t stealing, it's repossessing. Plus, we need money, don’t we? I’m just taking this sack of gold to then reinject it back into the local economy. So, I am basically doing the empire a favor.” He declares, though I find his line of reasoning rather questionable.

But it’s hard to argue at the clear fact that I…or I guess WE need money, and I also need to buy some cure disease potions notoriously known for not being cheap. So, beggars can’t be chooser I suppose.

“I guess…” I finally replied.

“So then…about the ruins.” He quickly returned to the previous subject.

“Uh…I don’t know.” I hesitate, ears dropping while looking off the side.

“Aww, come on. Where is your sense of adventure? Just think of the sick cool artifacts we might find, not to mention more gold huh?” He pushes, bouncing the bag up and down to make those septims clink around to entice me.

I frown. “You know, all the money in the world becomes utterly useless to someone if they're DEAD! And I don’t feel like dying at the prospect of finding more gold inside some old dilapidated ruins. I’d say the money you “repossessed” is quite enough for what we need.” I retort, using my front paws to “air quote” near the end to slightly mock his previous phrasing.

Not that he seems to care though. “But you’ve told me earlier that one of your dreams was to go on a great adventure.” He counters. For Mara’s sake, why do I have this strange quirk of telling anyone I come across about bits and pieces of my life and sharing my ambitions with them. As if anyone would care.

Well, it seems he does. Which is a nice gesture I suppose but I also know that he is just bringing that up in order to entice or guilt trip me into going along with his weird desire of “exploring these ruins for loot” as he puts it.

I can already tell that he is more of a materialist. Which isn’t bad per say, but that just leaves the rest of his personality wide open. Like how far is he willing to go for this “loot” of his? From the short time I’ve known him I am almost too afraid to ask.

Which just leads me back to his statement.

I do want to explore but at my current conditions it just feels unwise. I mean I’m not THAT reckless or stupid. I first need to get myself properly patched up before even considering going down into some old and dilapidated ruins.  

I still know my limits.

I sigh. “Look, I…wouldn’t mind going exploring with someone, but look at me, I am not exactly in the best shape to go explore some old ruins. Maybe a few potions could help, but I don’t have any and I doubt neither do you. So, I suggest that we first make our way back to the Imperial city to stock up on some potions. Then we can go back here and explore these ruins. How does that sound?” I ask. Hoping that this simple and also logical suggestion is enough to convince him.

He looks thoughtful, like dramatically so, gaze pointed upwards, scratching his chin while giving out a very loud sounding “hmmm” as he puckers his lips.

I guess I can add “being overly dramatic” to his character list.

“You know, you make a good point.” He finally agrees after spending a couple of moments contemplating. “We cannot go exploring while you look like this. Which is why I picked up THIS RESTORATION SCROLL!” He exclaims while pulling out a seemingly random scroll right out of freaking nowhere. He didn’t even reach into his cloak to pull that out.

Where did he keep that?

“I think this is a “Heal on touch” scroll if I read it correctly. Found this one tucked underneath one of those sleeping mats, alongside a copy of “The Lusty Salazzlean Maid” But I of course left the book where it was.” He explains which at least answered the questions where he got it. But mentioning that book by its title made me flinch a little.

Great, one of these two was also a horndog.

He begins by opening it. Turning and twisting it a couple of times and scratching his head before perking up and going “Ahhhh” ,again, in a rather dramatic fashion.

“Ok knowledge has been imprinted into my brain once again.” He declares before the scroll and his right hand get enveloped in a golden ethereal glow.

I don’t like this…

“Ok, I think I have to touch you in order for this spell to work.” He explains as he slowly reaches out, prompting me to backpedal.

“Ho-hold on. Ho-how do you know that this is going to work?” I ask, feeling concerned. 

“That’s the thing…I don’t” He admits, which just makes it even worse.”

“YO-YOU DON’T KNOW!?” I replied in shock. Knowing how volatile magic can be, I don’t exactly feel comfortable with the idea of having him try out a spell on me. Even if it IS a restoration spell. There is just so much that can go wrong. Like me maybe exploding or getting sent to a plain of oblivion or whatever.

I’ve heard enough horror stories about mages blowing themselves up with their own spells. That is why I always had a sense of mistrust towards magic users. I mean look at what happened to Croagunk and especially at Monferno.

Elemental resistances or not, magic just ignores most of it or just bypasses it completely. Which is probably the main reason why using moves slowly fell out of favor for magic in these past four thousand years or recorded history or so.

I used to know this old Weavile who regularly passed through our village to travel to Falkreath. A Mon who still practiced the “old ways” on how Pokémon used to fight. From him I managed to learn the Move “Ice shard” for example (secretly of course). A move which I have been using occasionally whenever I find myself in a pickle. It’s all quite fascinating stuff, but sadly, most of it seems to have been lost or forgotten.    

It would be neat to learn more, just to keep the old ways alive, just like he…

I noticed his glowing hand touching when it was already too late. I was about to panic when a sudden sense of warmth suddenly washes over my body. It felt relaxing, soothing even. Like jumping into one of those hot springs east of Skyrim. A place I visited with my parents only a few times because the trip there to and from home was long and arduous, not to mention ripe with potential dangers. But whenever we did it was easily worth it. The pain, the worries and the stress, it all melted away the moment you step into those waters, and that’s the sensations I am feeling right now.

Peace, a feeling of calm and a sense of wholeness. I didn’t even realize that I closed my eyes when Alex suddenly started to poke me to get my attention. 

“Hoi, you're still here? You look high as fuck just. I hope I didn’t accidentally cast a drug spell on you. Though a second thought…”He pauses before looking at the scrolls and rubbing his chin. The scrolls immediately start to disintegrate and turn into dusk.

He frowns. “Darn.” He watches as the remains get blown away by the wind.

I blink. “Wa-what? What are you talking about.” I ask looking up at him.

“Huh? Oh, uh never mind. I think the spell has worked. I mean look at you.” He gestures. “You look brand new almost, no more cuts and bruises visible. Fascinating really.” He states with a glint in his eyes, looking me over and being absolutely fascinated about something.   

I quickly follow his gaze and find out, to my shock, that he is right. No more cuts and bruises, even the large bite mark and the arrow wound I received earlier on my flank are also gone. Alongside the pain. It’s all just gone…like magic. I mean it was magic but still. To see and even feel this effect myself is…is just something.

The blood stains are still there though, alongside my fur still looking dirty and disheveled in certain places. But nothing that a nice good bath and some brushing can’t fix. Other than that, I feel as good as new, minus the exhaustion. But again, nothing that a good night's rest can’t fix.

I look back at him, astonished. “That is…like…wow. I’ve never had someone use a restoration spell on me before, to actually both see and feel its results it's like…” I stopped, still finding it hard to find the right words to articulate the sense of amazement I am feeling right now.

If I knew magic could do this then maybe I would have…  

“Great, now that you’re all healed up, how about we tackle this dungeon now?” He asks while pointing at what I would guess is its entrance. A squire shaped stone door with two glowing half circles at its center. It looks somewhat magical but I am not an expert when it comes to magic imbued architecture, or magic in general.

I just decided to give up and just go ahead with his obsession. I mean he fully healed me so maybe it won’t be a fool's warrant after all.

I sigh, “Fine, I will check out the ruins and see what’s inside.” I agree, a reply which made him smile. With how he was egging me on earlier I was expecting a more “energetic” response.

Maybe his…nope he's doing a jig, even going backwards while his legs seemed to be moving forwards? H-how…how is he doing that?

“Absolutely Magnificent! I’ll try out the door and see if they are open.” He declares before skipping over to said door. Again, skipping. 

All I could do was just shake my head.

“Again, what have I’ve gotten myself into? I ask as I get up before checking if my sword is firmly secured this time.

Time to see what all of the fuss is about.

Chapter Text

Dark stairway? Ominous blue lighting? Those are the tall tale signs of a true dungeon. One filled with loot, gold, and bragging rights.

“Ah, do you smell this?” I ask as I take my first few steps into the unknown.

 I hear her sniff around behind me. “You mean the smell of centuries old dust and mildew?” I hear her sarcastically reply.

“No, it’s the smell of adventure!” I enthusiastically replied as we reached the bottom of the stairs and arrived at our bend hallway leading us right, only to find…MORE stairs. Ooh how exciting. The deeper the ruins go, the bigger the reward, or so I hope.

May just grunts at my enthusiasm before silently following me down the second set of stairs. Near the bottom we encountered our first obstacle down here. A sleeping chicken. Leaning against a wooden chair with his feet firmly resting on a wooden table. Just like the two bandits we’ve encountered on the surface, this one is also sporting your typical bandit gear with leather armor, an iron helmet and a rusty-looking sword resting on the table.

“A Combusken.” May whispered behind me before reaching for her sword with her mouth.

“Hold on,” I whisper back before pointing to a thin piece of rope stretched from one end of the wall to another. A trip wire. Set up just behind the sleeping chicken which I now know is called a Combusken. Not sure what element it's supposed to be with the atmospheric blue lighting messing with its colors. But I know an opportunity when I see one…and I do see one.

“Look, if we trigger that, we might take it out with its own trap.” I point out, both verbally and physically. That’s what the index finger is for after all.

She squints before stepping back and giving off a “what the fuck” type of look.

“Why would you be setting up a trap just behind the passageway you are guarding?” She asks, looking genuinely perplexed.

“Or why even bother placing a guard there in the first place if you plan to booby trap the area anyway.” I add, just because I can.

She takes me seriously though, as she nods. “Yeah, strange indeed.”

I just shrug before quietly inching forwards towards the unsuspected chicken. Hearing it…or rather him snoring peacefully in his sleep while being totally unaware of a 176-centimeter-tall human creeping up on him while wearing a battered bathrobe held together by hopes and dreams. He didn’t even flinch when I quietly took his sword before shuffling back to May who was watching me.

“There.” I exclaimed quietly while presenting the sword to her. “This little stunt of mine should at least give me 3 to 4 sneak points at least.” I comment, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?” She reacts before shaking her head. “Never mind, why didn’t you take him out?” She asks while pointing a paw at the sleeping chicken behind me.

“Simple.” I replied. “I don’t have anything sharp on me to cut those ropes with.” I state.

“You literally just picked up his sword.” She calls out while pointing at the sword in question.

I look at it. “But it's dull.” I counter.

“Oh, give me that.” She snatches the dull blade off my hand with her mouth. Now she can keep it. “It’s not that dull.” She states before walking up to the still sleeping chicken. I am surprised that he hasn’t woken up yet, with us literally talking right next to him. Rather loudly I may add. We have stopped whispering to one another the moment when I showed her the sword.

She tries to cut the rope, only for the blade to do absolutely nothing. She blinks before trying again. This time, swinging harder with the same result. She frowns. “Oh, for gods’ sake.” She swore before tossing the “DULL” blade away and grabbing her own sword.

Again, the loud noise the sword made when it hit the ground was still not enough to wake up the leather-bound chicken. All he did was give off a soft grunt before May finally severed the trip wire/rope with her sword causing a large spiked Iron ball to swing downwards from behind a crack in the wall and harmlessly soaring past him and hitting the wooden table instead. Crushing one of its legs with its weight and momentum.

The chicken jolts up. Not from the noise but from the table literally collapsing under him.

“What in the…” He fell off the chair. The iron helmet conveniently gets knocked off his head as he hits the ground. I spotted the old rusty sword not too far from where May tossed it and immediately picked it up.

The chicken began to scramble back onto his feet while May still just stood there. Shocked. Everything is happening way too fast for her it seems. A clear indication that she never drunk coffee before. That shit can speed up your focus and reaction time by 10. Though for me it only works with the latter not the former. Which is quite evident with the fact that I am once again wasting time monologuing this shit to myself while the chicken finally realizes that there are intruders within his mitts.    

He turns his head while inhaling dramatically before gazing down the darkened hallway and screaming. “Boys, we have intru…”I silenced him by bonking the back of his head with the pummel of his sword.

He drops like a rock, with a loud and dramatic-sounding thud.

Another encounter successfully cleared, and this time non-lethally…I think.

I’m pretty sure he is still breathing. Which is good, for me at least and my dubious sense of karma. Not for him though. He's going to have one hell of a headache when he wakes up. If he wakes up that is if May has any say on that. But judging by her expression I doubt she does.

I mean she is JUST NOW catching up on the event as she blinks a couple of times before shaking her head.

“That’s…not how I imagined things would go.” She comments, mostly to herself than anyone else in particular.

“Well, there is an old saying, ‘no plan survives contact with the enemy’ or something like that. Either way, now that he is out cold, let's check his pockets!” I declare before stepping beside the unconscious bird and doing just that. Checking for any pockets and pouches for anything remotely useful or valuable.

“S-seriously!” She demands loudly.

“Well yes.” I casually replied while looking back at her with confidence. “Looting the bodies of defeated foes is Role Playing etiquette one oh one. Bandits are bound to carry at least a couple of coins on them which we can use to then haggle out some better gear and equipment back at the city. Have you never played an RPG before?” I ask before returning to my looting.

“NO. I don’t even know what an Arr Pee Gee is, and Role Playing? Do you just view this as a game or something?” She asks while stomping her right paw to emphasize.

“Of course not.” I quickly replied. “I am simply playing the role of an opportunist vigilantly. One who dishes out justice while also helping themselves at the expense of criminals so that THEY can enact justice more efficiently next time.” I explain before pulling out a total of four gold coins from the last pocket I checked.

“Hah, jackpot!” I exclaimed. It’s better than nothing. Now I would also be inclined to strip this guy of his armor to sell it later. But who’s going to carry all of this shit. Me? Nope. Her? Looking at her size and distinct lack of pockets or bags I doubt she would be inclined to do so either.  

Sad, that would net me at least an additional eight pieces of gold if memory serves me right. That’s like…double of what I just pulled out of his pocket. A net increase of two-hundredth percent. Now that is what I call STONKS! If I could be bothered to carry and then sell armor.

But alas, we can’t have it all now, can we? But at least I managed to earn four pieces of gold from this. It’s better than nothing.

I hear her sigh. “I don’t even know anymore with your way of thinking. I should probably just stop thinking about it altogether!” May comments while massaging her forehead with a paw.

“Say, you wanna keep the sword?” I ask while presenting the old rusty blade to her.

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t need it. You can keep it if you want.” She replies before looking further down the corridor. The one leading deeper into the ruins.  

“You really want to go deep?” She asks before looking back at me.

I smiled. “Heh, that’s what she said.” I mumble.

“What?” She reacts.

“Nothing, let’s explore further.” I deflect before casually walking past her.

I heard her sigh before the pitty patty sound of her paws followed me. If my memories serve me right, Vilverin should open to a large central chamber at the end of this corridor. Barred behind two metal doors on either side which should be open. Reaching the end of the corridor and picking the right door confirms it, but what it also confirms is that we are not alone. I can easily make out four Pokémon of various forms and sizes occupying the large main chamber alongside all of their stuff. Similar to the surface they have set up a makeshift camp down here with bed rolls, crates, chairs and even tables. They even set up a makeshift campfire in the middle of the room with some cooking pods.

Overall, pretty nice, if you ignore the cockroaches that is.

May though, seemed far less impressed than I am. “Four of them? How in Shor’s name are we going to deal with four bandits at once?” I hear May whisper behind me.

I would somewhat agree with her if I didn’t have more bullshit tugged away inside my old potato sack of a Robe. A “Summon Dremora” scroll. Where did I find it? Well, it was tucked away inside the same chest with the large sack of gold. I just forgot to mention it earlier. But now, now it’s time.

I wonder how the Daedra look like now given the fact that everything else here so far has been Poké-fied.

Well, only one way to find out as I dramatically unroll the scrolls before reading it's text out loud.

“I Summon thee. Dremora lord Tan…Tanoba…Tanobazyka…Tanobazy…zykatoba….FUCK IT!! I Summon thee, `’Timmy’ of the Deadlands! Come forth, and drench thy blade with the blood of thy foes. I call thee!” I shout followed by the scroll quickly disintegrating within my hands as the spell sealed within did its magic.

A purple-colored portal then began to form just in front of me. A swirling mass of…something, and from that something then steps forth a hulking dude clad in full Daedric armor and with a big “fuck off” Daedric sword strapped on its back.

I say man because it still looks fairly humanoid besides its obviously ash colored skin, devil markings, and horns poking out of its forehead.

The Dremora then turns and glares at me while flashing his razor shaper munchers. “My name isn’t "TIMMY", mortal.” He snarls.

I hold my hand up defensively. “Whoa, as a defense your name is pretty difficult to pronounce.”

He just growls before crossing his arms, looking annoyed.

I was about to tell him what I wanted him to do until I suddenly felt this irresistible urge to turn around and see how May is reacting to all of this, and to my NOT surprise, she looks shocked, alongside with the four bandits who obviously now realized that they are not alone. Now everybody was staring at this hulking 2-meter-tall demon clad in full death metal armor and a big ass sword with everybody's name on it (including me if I piss him off even further).

“By the GODS, A DAEDRA!” I hear one of the aforementioned bandits shout. Some green lizard looking, with leaves sticking out of its head and ass. That got the big guy's attention. Not the ass part I mean.

He turns around to look at the assembly of would-be victims before turning back around to face me. “Really. THIS is what I’ve been summoned for? To butcher some local wildlife?” He asks while looking displeased.

I nod. “Indeed, horrible isn’t it?” I replied.

“Quick, we need to kill that demon before it kills us.” A black and orange-looking pig shouts before picking up an Iron Mallet from the ground. His three comrades soon followed. All of them drawing their weapons and looking ready for a fight. Well, only the fat looking pig does, his three friends don’t look as enthusiastic to face “Timmy” in combat. In fact, they all look somewhat nervous and uneasy. Borderline expressing dread even, if I read their animalistic looking faces correctly.

“Timmy” though sighs before turning back around and unsheathing the daedric sword behind his back. Finally, a distraction. I turned around to face May who was still staring at the Oblivion “demon” behind me.

“Alright, now that, Timmy…” I whispered his name to her so that he wouldn't hear me. “…is going to keep the rest of the bandits preoccupied, we can now ransack this place.” I explained.

She blinks before shaking herself free from the fight and flight responds she was still experiencing just a moment ago. She looks up at me as if I was crazy.

“Are you CRAZY?!” She even makes it verbally known.

“Yes.” I casually replied.   

As a response, she quickly cycled through the five stages of grief before sitting down on her haunches and resting her head inside her paws. “By the gods what am I doing here?” She mumbles into her beans before giving off a long-tired sigh. She even looks tired the moment she removes herself from her forepaws. “You know what, as long as it allows me to buy several cure disease potions I don’t care.” She states with a flat expression.

“That’s the spirit!” I exclaim with a smile and a healthy dose of enthusiasm. “Now” I clap my hands together with anticipation. “Let’s get to looting, my favorite part of every dungeon.” I state before turning back around.

The slaughter was already underway with “Timmy” having already killed the fat pig from earlier. His body laying life-less in front of Daedra and smelling awfully like bacon. I guess his overconfidence was his downfall. That only left the three stooges and two more bandits who joined the fray after hearing the commotion most likely.

One is an archer which should be interesting to watch as to how “Timmy” will handle a long range combatant…and he just took that green monkey out with a fire spell. I mean with that ridiculous looking hairdo you’re just asking to get hit by a fire spell frankly. Its hair was almost just as tall as they were.

Welp, one less combatant then. That now just leaves the aforementioned three stooges and the other guy charging “Timmy” with sword and shield. It’s also a monkey, blue this time. With a much more acceptable hairdo this time. Though I am not sure how one can fight given the fact its eyes… ”YOU KILLED MY BROTHER YOU FILTHY DEMON!” …HER eyes are closed. Maybe she is a master in the art of fighting with your eyes closed or something. Either way I would love to keep watching but I have stuff to loot. If I want to watch a fight, I can do that in the Arena. Maybe even do a bit of betting if I need a pair of new shoes. These house slippers I’m wearing are comfortable, but I doubt they are going to survive for very long if I keep wearing them anywhere else but indoors. They have paper-thin soles, which means I need something thicker. Proper shoes or boots. Whatever I can find first.

Speaking of first. Time to move around the battle and grab everything that isn’t nailed down. I can already spot a couple of chests behind those support pillars on the other side. Target in sight.

“Come on, while they're distracted.” I motioned for May to follow me.

She again just sighs before I can hear her paws tracking me. Quite the feat on my part given the fact that the entire room is not filled with the constant clashing of metal and the desperate screams of bandits, oh and the taunting remarks of Timmy of course. Calling them "weak pathetic animals".

It’s good to know he’s having fun. That means he won’t suddenly turn his blade on us once he's done. I don’t think May can fight him off. At least not now in her current state.

“Ooh look at that,” I exclaim as I spot the first prize. “Some gem stones and a small sack of coins. I’mma yoink that,” And yoink I did, right into my pocket.

“Here, can you hold these for me?” I ask while handing her a pair of mithril boots.

“What am I supposed to do with boots? I am quadruped.” She exclaims, glaring up at me.

“You’re not supposed to wear them, just hold them.” I point out. “My pockets can only carry so much and we still have three fresh treasure chests to loot.” I add.

“How am I supposed to hold them then? I don’t have any bags or pockets.” She points out, followed by cries of pain and loud thud coming from behind us. I can see out of the corner of my eye that one of the bandits is trying to escape the slaughter but “Timmy” was fast enough to stop him with a well-placed fire attack which momentarily lights up the entire room.

One moment he was there, and the next he was gone. Turned into a pile of ash. That only leaves the blue monkey and a red and yellow ferret thing with blue eyebrows. What is it with these color combinations? I didn’t wake up in a circus world, did I? Silly question, I know exactly where I am, but still these colors just clash with the more rustic feel of this world. Just looks a bit out of place. Either back to May who was still sitting on her hunches while holding onto the boots with both of her front paws.

I begin to ponder before I spot a coil of rope right underneath the table next to me where both the coin purse and gems were resting on.

I grabbed it. “Here, you can tie those boots around your midsection.” I direct while offering her the lamb of rope. She looks at it, then back at me while giving me the same exact expression from earlier. The “are your serious” type of expression.

“Are you serious?” She also verbally expresses. “Why can’t we just leave them here. You already got a sack of coins and some gems?” She asks.

“Because those are Mithril boots. They're worth a pretty penny if we sell them. Plus, they look so shiny.” I add as a matter of fact.

“Hmmm.” She grumbles. “FINE! Just…just give me the rope.” She demands before grabbing the robe with her teeth. Hey, be careful with those chompers. She almost bit off one of my fingers!

She began to frantically tie those boots around her midsection while I returned my attention back to those treasure chests near those pillars. Right next to some boxes and sleeping bags. I think I can even see a few silver goblets on those boxes. Fancy. Going to yoink those as well. I left her to her struggles and a quickly tippy toe my way over to those chests. Overstepping the bacon smelling carcass of that pig fella from earlier. Damn, he really does smell like bacon. Now I’m hungry. Anyway, FOCUS! I can buy bacon later if I want.

“Alright, let’s start with the chest in the middle.” I tell myself before standing right in front of it and rubbing my hands together with glee. I place my hand on top of its lid in order to push open, only for it to stay shut. I try again, only for a small resistant “click” to confirm my worst fears.

The chest is locked, and I don’t have any lockpicks or the knowledge how to use them.

Fuck!

The same goes for the other two. All locked and no freaking key in sight…so I just yoinked those aforementioned silver goblets near me as a weak consolation price. But still.

Son of bitch.

It was also then when May finally joined me with those boots awkwardly strapped around her midsection.

“Uh, do you have any lockpicks on you by any chance?” I ask even though I already know the answers.

“No, and even if I ,I wouldn’t even know how to use them.” She replies before sitting on her haunches and pointing at her own left paw to emphasize the pointlessness for her to even carry a lockpick in the first place.

Well, that confirms it at least. But wait…maybe one of the bandits has the key. I just need to desecrate their corpses in order to…oh wait, “Timmy” just killed the last one by decapitating. The last one being the blue monkey woman. Damn, she must have put up at least one hell of a fight if she managed to last this long. But clearly, “Timmy” was better. I mean who would have thought?

I watch him re-sheath his blade before turning his attention to me and May. He still doesn’t look happy. Can Daedra’s even be happy? Anyway, he just casually walks up to us while pushing away one of the dead bodies with his boot. An action which causes May to instinctively draw her sword with her mouth and subsequently drop it. “Timmy” just ignores her as his attention is squarely onto me. You know, the guy who summoned him in the first place.

“The deed has been done.” He declared dryly before crossing his arms.

“Uh…cool” I reply. “Can you maybe do one more thing for me?” I ask.

“What.” He scowls.

“Can you help us open these chests over here? We don’t have the keys or lockpicks for them.” I request before getting up.

“Timmy” sights before unsheathing his blade. My eyes go wide as I feel a sudden sense of panic, though that quickly fades when “Timmy” instead uses his “Zweihander” to just smash the chests open before turning around to face me one last time.

“There.” He exclaims. “Now I go, and for the love of oblivion. Don’t EVER summon me again while on vacation, or I swear to Lord Dagon himself…”He threatens while pointing the bade at me. He then unceremoniously disappears leaving me just standing there and with May still trying to pick up her sword with shaky paws. Does she have a phobia against Daedra’s? Anyway, treasure chest looting time. “Timmy” was even kind enough to just bust open the lids, leaving the actual chest underneath perfectly intact alongside its contents, and what a contend indeed.

“Hey, check it out May.” I explain while kneeling in front of the first. “Gold, jewelry, and a silver dagger...” The dagger in question gave off a faint misty glow the moment I held it. The air around its blade feels as cold as a winter breeze as I swing it around a bit. “…an enchanted silver dagger, could also be mithril for all I know. Both silver and mithril do look the same, though, in terms of color I mean.” I comment, before pocketing the oversized magic knife.

I then turned my attention to the remaining two chests. Same contents; bags of gold, some jewels and some random knick knacks. In one chest I found an enchanted ring whose enchantment eluded me. How do I know it was enchanted? Easy. It gave off a soft glow. Easy to spot in such a dimly lit hall. It also tastes like strawberry for whatever reason. And lastly the third one, which besides money, also held a few bottles of potions and a few scrolls. Scrolls pulsating with a hint of magic. Magic scrolls, hopefully just as useful as the last two scrolls I used. I’ll read them later. But for now, that is it, and I feel mildly satisfied with our haul. Now I just need a bag large enough to carry all of this loot back to the surface. Maybe one of those sleeping bags would suffice? They're certainly large enough so why not. Better than carrying all of this one by one.

“Alright, I guess we're done here.” I declared after stuffing all of the gold into one of those aforementioned sleeping bags.

“Wait…we are?” May asks absentmindedly.

“Yeah, we are. I mean we could go deeper but then we might run into difficulties carrying our loot back to the surface. I suggest that we first take this loot back to the city and spend it all, and once we get better gear and… better dressed “I look at my tattered robes.” We can return too….”I pause before noting May’s unfocused gaze. “…May, you don’t look so well.” I point out.

“He, … what?” She reacts while looking up at me with an almost blank expression.

I placed a hand on her forehead just to check and to my surprise, she feels a bit toasty up there. A fever, or at least the start of one.

“Welp, guess we have to go back to the surface regardless.” I comment out loud.

“Guess I can’t…argue with that.” She replied, swaying a bit from side to side.

Yup, definitely sick.

“Well, let’s go then.” I state before swinging the large sack of gold and other goodies over my shoulder. Damn that’s heavy, but I can’t exactly ask May to help carry this thing to her current state. It's fine though, when it comes to riches and glory I could carry mountains. Until I can find someone who is willing to carry those mountains for me of course.

Won’t say no to someone who could do my job.