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“You can be selfish every once in a while. I figure you deserve that much, at least.”
They were words Tohru didn’t know she needed to hear until he said them.
“So next time, just ask.”
Unwillingly, her mind repeated something her mother said to her a while ago.
”It’s okay to be selfish. That’s something we all deserve.”
Before she even realized it, tears started flowing freely down her face. The combined memory of her mothers words and Kyo affirming her words had touched something deep within her, something Tohru couldn’t quite name.
She didn’t even have the strength to feel bad for freaking Kyo out with her crying. There was only one thing on her mind, one thing she wanted.
“Home…,” her voice wobbled quietly, “I want to go home.”
She couldn’t bear to look him in the eye while she said what was truly on her mind, lest she lose her nerve.
“Even if it’s selfish, that’s what I want. To be with all of you.”
While her tears startled Kyo to no end, her words were what really shook him. She sounded so damn earnest. Like she’d just poured her heart out to him. But it made no sense, all she said was that she wanted to go home. So why was she crying so hard? And why did it bother him so bad?
He didn’t waste time thinking about it before grabbing her hand firmly and turning around, ready to drag her home.
“Then come on, let’s go home.” He stated matter of factly, because to Kyo, it was the most obvious solution to Tohru’s heartache.
Something inside her warmed at his declaration. It softened something in her and almost made her want to smile, but she still had her stuff to worry about! He couldn’t just drag her away without her belongings.
But out of nowhere and before she could ask him to turn around, Yuki’s hand came to her free one and gripped loosely.
With a kind smile that only the Prince Yuki could produce, he spoke simply, “Let’s go.”
She gasped quietly as his words too brought Tohru back to a memory from a long time ago. One that she had always remembered with sadness. But it was like the memory was warping. Changing into something new. Something better.
For the first time ever, someone had called for the rice ball. They actually wanted to be with her. It was finally the rice ball’s turn. Tohru wanted to cry all over again.
She waited and waited for so long for someone to finally choose her. Rice balls didn’t belong in a fruits basket, she knew that. But maybe she didn’t have to be part of that basket. Maybe…maybe she could be part of a different one.
A fuzzy feeling started to take over her mind and while she couldn’t put an exact name to it, all she knew was that she was overwhelmingly happy. So beyond happy to be holding Kyo’s hand. And Yuki’s hand. And to be going home with them.
With Family.
So without another word, the trio continued walking. Nothing was heard except their footsteps and a sniffle here and there. No one could come up with words to fill the silence, but the really didn’t need any, they all had a mutual understanding of that.
As they walked, Tohru’s grip on their hands tightened. Every few minutes, she’d look down at the hands leading her, making sure that it was really them. And this was real. That they wouldn’t be pulled apart again.
The fuzzy feeling in her was spreading through her body with every step she took and a part of her wondered if it was something that coincided with the feeling of safety that washed over her the closer they got to Shigure’s house. Because that would cement the fact that this was real. That Kyo and Yuki really came for her.
All the ugly thoughts about selfishness could fade away now. All her worries could melt into the background. All the anxiety about the future’s uncertainty could be forgotten.
Just as the house came into view though, something wobbled. It wasn’t her legs or the ground beneath her. But something inside her. Whatever had been building inside her this entire time finally bubbled over. Or maybe it was like something else just fell away.
Her composure, her maturity, her need to be strong all the time. She didn’t need to uphold any of that right now. Because Yuki and Kyo were with her. They were safe. Would keep her safe. She was sure of it.
It's why she let herself slip into that softer feeling she’d felt earlier. It wasn’t a wholly unfamiliar feeling, though it wasn’t often she felt it and never in front of others. If it were happening in another moment, perhaps she’d be more frantic to try and rid herself of the feeling. But she didn’t feel the need to right now.
She didn’t realize she’d stopped walking until she felt both hands tug gently on either side of her.
“Miss Honda?” Yuki spoke first with quiet concern.
Kyo turned to face her, brows furrowing. “What’s wrong? You tired?”
Tohru blinked up at them slowly, her lip wobbling a little. She shook her head, but made no move to keep walking. She felt…small. Like a little kid again. She wasn’t entirely sure why, but that’s the only thing she could compare it too.
“I’m okay,” she whispered, not sounding too sure of herself.
Yuki and Kyo exchanged looks over her head subtly. Though they hated each other, they could come to a mutual understanding if it was for Tohru’s sake. And they could both see something was different with her, just slightly off. Not necessarily a bad thing, but still concerning.
She had a distant look in her eyes and looked like she wanted to just curl into herself. One foot twisted into the ground nervously, almost like a child, hesitant to say something wrong.
She mumbled, nearly inaudible, “Is it okay if I hold on a little longer?”
For some reason, the words made Kyo’s heart drop to his stomach. Or his stomach leaped up to his heart, he couldn’t really tell. “Huh?”
Her cheeks flushed as she looked towards him. Her voice came a bit louder now, but her tone was somehow sweeter, “Your hand. Can I keep holding it? Even after we get home? Please?”
She doesn’t know why she asked. It didn’t really make sense either, since she was still holding both of their hands. But something about the request made Kyo’s chest ache and Yuki’s felt similarly.
“Of course you can,” he rushed out, voice awkwardly hoarse, “You don’t have to ask for that kind of thing.”
Tohru nodded slowly and a shy smile escaped her. She rubbed her thumb over the back of Kyo’s hand in slow, soothing circles and soon did the same with Yuki’s. It was such a small motion, but it was comforting to her.
The two boys still weren’t quite sure they understood what was going on with Tohru, why she was acting the way she was. But it brought out something in them, something fiercely protective. Something that made them want nothing more than to wrap her up and protect her from the cruel world they lived in, even if that meant protecting her from them.
No one said anything for the rest of the walk home, but they were walking a bit slower to accommodate this…spacey mood of Tohru’s.
By the time they reached the house, her expression softened into something younger, more carefree. She was visibility more relaxed. The moment Kyo opened the door, her entire body sagged with relief.
Without a second thought, kicked off her shoes without even untying them and practically launched herself onto the ground, bringing Kyo and Yuki down in a tumble with her, as she still hadn’t stopped holding their hands.
Unfortunately, the way Kyo fell onto her resulted in an instant transformation and it startled her in a way it never had.
She doesn’t know why, but the noise and lack of Kyo’s human body next to her had tears pooling in her eyes all over again.
I just wanted to lay down with Kyo and still hold his hand. she thought sadly to herself.
Kyo was momentarily flustered by his sudden transformation, so he didn’t notice it as quickly as Yuki, but he was able to reel it in as soon as he heard the rat speak.
“Miss Honda, are you alright?” he inquired gently, not quite sure how to proceed.
She sniffled and spoke quietly, “Wanted to lay with you ‘n Kyo ‘n still hold your hand, b-but I can’t now.”
In his tiny cat form, Kyo scrambled around frantically for a second.
Dammit, is she crying ‘cause of me?! Damn this stupid curse.
Seeing her tear up like that made his chest tighten in a horrible way. If Kyo had it his way, he’d never allow anyone or anything to make Tohru cry ever again. He’d do anything to push her sadness away.
Which is why, against his better judgement and much to Yuki and Tohru’s surprise and honestly his own, he crawls into her lap and tries to get comfortable.
He couldn’t hold her hand like she had asked, but he’d try his best to get as close to that as possible. That’s all he could assume she wanted. It wasn’t something he’d ever think he’d end up doing, like ever, in his life, cuddling up to a person in his cat form. But when Tohru let out a small, almost relieved sigh when he curled up in her lap, he knew it was the right choice.
Her hands hovered around him only for a split moment before gently settling over his small orange feline back. He was warm. Soft. Familiar in a way that paused the tears that had been brimming her eyes.
She sniffled again before gathering Kyo in both of her arms, cuddling him up to her chest like he was some emotional support animal. She had long forgotten about Yuki and wanting to hold his hand as well, though he didn’t take much offense to it. He instead decided to be useful elsewhere and slipped away to put her belongings in her room.
“You're so soft and cuddly, Kyo,” she giggled quietly, like she hadn’t been on the verge of tears just a few moments ago.
He wasn’t sure if it was her words, her cute giggle, or her soft tone that made his face flush suddenly, but he didn’t oppose the words like normally would’ve done.
Instead, he blinked up at her from where he was held in her small arms and just took in her relaxed expression. He could feel her calming down with each slow stroke she made across his fur and it made something warm bloom in his chest.
Kyo continued blinking slowly, trying to look nonchalant and like he wasn’t enjoying this as much as he was. He told himself that he’s just happy that Tohru’s happy now, but it was a bit more than that. Though he wasn’t being held like a normal person would be, it still felt nice for Tohru to be embracing him like this.
Her hands were so gentle, her voice so sweet.
He let out a tiny sigh and shifted in her arms, nuzzling his head under her chin without even thinking about it. He could feel her giggle this time, more than hear it.
Still sitting on the floor, Tohru rocked back and forth slightly, barely noticeably. It wasn’t intentional or anything, but like a subconscious gesture that came crawling back from when she was a kid. When she had a doll that she declared her baby and she thought was the most precious thing in the world.
Kyo wasn’t protesting her movement one bit. He wasn’t hissing or flailing around like he normally would in his cat form and with anyone he even dared think of doing something like this to him.
Because this was Tohru.
“What a cute kitty,” she spoke to herself, sounding distant and lost in thought, but tone light and laced with awe.
Kyo only let out a small grumble in response. He wasn’t annoyed, not really. It was sort of just like…Kyo’s version of a purr.
Her rocking slowed slightly and her eyes began to drift half-shut. Kyo almost wanted to laugh at the fact that Tohru is basically rocking herself to sleep right now, but he couldn’t. Not when her next words caught him so off guard.
“You’re my baby now…”
He nearly choked on air.
What the hell?! he thought, eyes snapping back up to her face. Thank goodness he kept the thought inside rather than shouting it. Her eyes were fully closed now and while he wasn’t certain she was fully asleep, it was clear she was more than halfway there.
Still though, what the hell did she say that for?
“...Just like I’m a baby right now.”
Now Kyo’s brain was short circuiting.
Did she just call herself a baby? What does that even mean?! She said it in a way that sounded like it was some obvious fact. But could he really take it at face value? The girl was probably dreaming already and this was just her talking in her sleep.
Still, was it really that far off? She did seem kind of…childlike this whole time. Kyo hadn’t known what was happening and still doesn’t really get why Tohru was acting the way she was, but maybe that was what it was.
She was letting herself retreat to a time where things were different. And probably better for her. When she had both of her parents and not a worry in the world.
He too wished there was a time like that he could retreat away to, but no such memory existed. If Tohru is able to experience something like that though, he's glad.
It’s a strange thing to think, but if it makes her feel happy and safe, then he’d go along with it. For Tohru, only for Tohru. She’d been doing such a great job holding herself together and for so long too, even when she didn’t have to. She never asked for anything. If this is what she needs to finally let go of everything, then so be it.
Though, her calling him her baby...He didn’t know what to do with that. It made his heart want to burst out of his chest just as much as it wanted to shrink and never be seen from again. The feeling was so confusing, one that he didn’t have the words to make sense of.
All he knew was that it made him want to stay exactly where he was. Cat form be damned.
So he just tucked his pay closer to her chest and snuggled deeper into her hold, little orange head now resting against her collarbone.
“...Okay.”
It was the only thing he could think to say. If it made her feel better, calmer, safer, he’d let her hold him all day and call him whatever he wanted. Even if he wanted to die a little from how embarrassing it all felt.
He could easily ignore the embarrassment though. Just seeing how peaceful she looked made him happy.
That’s how Yuki found them, Kyo still in his cat form and Tohru still on the floor, both curled into each other and now appearing to be sleeping peacefully.
The sight was as surprising as it was endearing. He smiled softly and thanked his forethought to bring a blanket from upstairs, though he was a bit peeved to be laying over Kyo too.
He knelt down beside them, careful not to make a sound. His eyes wandered from Tohru’s relaxed expression to Kyo’s cursed orange fur. He couldn’t help the smile that reappeared.
He draped the blanket over the pair and after a moment’s hesitation, he plopped down beside them. Close but not crowding.
Yuki wasn’t sure how much more happened when he was upstairs, but it didn’t matter. For once, there was no rivalry, tension, or bickering between him and Kyo. Just a quiet sense of peacefulness.
He didn’t want to think about the fact that Kyo was the one who put Miss Honda at ease. Still, he was grateful for that. Though he’d never ever admit that out loud.
Tohru shifted slightly in her sleep, mumbling something about soup and stars. Kyo barely twitched in response. Yuki just shook his head, gaze softening.
He didn’t get it, not all of it, but that didn’t matter right now.
Tohru was okay, and for right now, that was enough.