Chapter Text
Grace sat in her bathtub. Her bathtub that was fully drained. All that was left was her and her thoughts, however, these were … different thoughts. Thoughts that had never crossed her brain before. Everything felt new to her. Her body tingled as an attempt to adapt to this new view of the world that had just opened up to Grace. Why was today so different? Why was her whole body shaking? Why? The more questions she had, the less answers. Despite hardly understanding what had just happened between her, her brain, and the bathtub, Grace couldn’t help but feel so incredibly disgusted in herself. What would God think? That she was possibly partaking in a sinful act. Oh. Oh, God. It wasn’t Max that was gonna be a roasting spit in hell, it was her. Jesus wouldn’t accept her into heaven, he doesn’t accept sinners. Not sinners like Grace. All of this because of her unholy brain. She had no one to blame but herself. Suddenly, the bathtub was filled again. Not with bathwater, but Grace’s own, raw tears. No matter how much she rubbed her eyes and hit her head with her hand, the tears would come back again. Just like those … dirty thoughts of hers. The thoughts of hell left her brain, and now all that echoed in her mind was Max calling her that stupid name. ‘Dirty girl’. Grace had denied it for so long, but now, she knew it was true.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud and unexpected knock at the door. Grace glanced at the clock near her: 9:04 pm. Who could be here at such a late time? Grace would’ve been asleep by now but of course her thoughts daunted her, as if she was a puppet and her brain pulled on her strings. Its funny. Your brain is meant to help you, control what you do, you can’t function without it. But today, it seemed her brain, the thing her body depended on, was against her. Everything was against her. Grace slowly and carefully got out of the bathtub, which felt like a reward for her. Grace’s body shivered as she reluctantly went to answer the door. As her trembling hands grasped onto the door knob, Grace wanted to resist. She wanted to get on her knees and pray to God for forgiveness. But even God wouldn’t forgive her, and God is full of mercy, at least that’s what she was told at Church. Nonetheless, she finally opened the door. Steph.
“Steph … wha … what are you doing here this late!?” Grace asked, her voice shaky. She wasn’t expecting Steph to be behind that door. Her. Out of all people. Her. She can’t say she was complaining though. Grace always enjoyed Steph’s company, even if she didn’t back. Even if Steph knows her as a ‘nerdy prude’ and an ‘annoying little cheater’. “Yeah … I know you for snitching and all that shit, so you’re probably smart, right? Well, I hope you are because Pete isn’t free right now and I need someone else to actually tutor me sssooooo..” Steph said, a touch of desperation in her voice. She placed her hand at the back of her neck, hoping Grace would say yes, despite Steph always having an attitude towards her. Meanwhile, Grace had a huge smile on her face. She began to feel her cheeks flushing, quickly shaking her head after. “Steph? Help you tutor? This late! Why… I should be asleep right now… I-I’m sorry.” She replied, pure regret in her voice. She did care about Steph, she really did. The only reason she’d snitch on her in the first place was an attempt to help Steph actually try in school. She didn’t want Steph to become a failure. Just like how all her motivations in life is to go to Heaven. That’s all Grace wants, it’s all she needs. But you can’t always get what you want. Not if you’re a ‘dirty girl’.
“Well … 9 pm isn’t that late. Can you help me?… Please?” Steph asked, now even more desperation in her voice. This sudden change in tone usually did the trick. It helped when she wanted Pete to help her cheat, it … didn’t really work when she pleaded for her dad to not take her phone away … but that’s only because her dad’s an asshole. Grace isn’t. Even if Steph has talked shit about her behind her back, she can’t help but feel like she’s somewhat … warming up to her. Grace looked at Steph stressed. What was she supposed to do? The angel on her shoulder was telling her to go to bed, but also telling her to help Steph. Jesus always helped people and … Grace loves Jesus. She sighed and opened the door more widely, a sign to let Stephanie know she was hesitantly doing what Steph asked for.
“Thanks for actually going through with this, Grace. Jesus, there’s like … a scary amount of crucifixes here.” Steph mentioned whilst looking around her house. She wasn’t lying though. In every corner, a crucifix peeked out with an occasional portrait of Jesus or a corny bible pun. Grace smiled and nodded, though that smile faded off quickly as they passed the door that lead to the bathroom. The bathroom. The…
They sat on the floor of Grace’s room, pillows surrounding them as Grace rambled to Steph about English. Steph, hardly listening, seemed to be paying more attention to Grace than what she actually was supposed to be studying for. Her eyes gazed upon Grace’s features … all formed together perfectly to create someone as beautiful as her. “Stephanie! Are you even paying attention?” Grace blurted out, bursting her bubble. She was hoping Steph was actually listening because she didn’t wanna have spent 1 hour talking about Shakespeare for nothing.
Then, unexpectedly, Steph placed her hand below Grace’s chin, completely ignoring what she just asked. She didn’t care about English or school or whatever… She didn’t even want someone tutoring her. All she wanted to do was have an excuse to hang out with Grace. Steph pulled Grace’s face closer to hers by her chin. Grace looked at Steph in uncertainty. Stephanie didn’t do anything else but simply pull Grace closer, so close until their faces met, their lips encountered one another. Grace’s eyes immediately widened. This was unholy. So unholy, yet she didn’t want it to stop. Steph tugged Grace’s face once-more, their lips touching each other again. Steph was surprised Grace wasn’t freaking out right now, but she wasn’t complaining. She just wanted to be frozen in time, stuck in this moment forever. But all good things come to an end once the realisation hit Grace. She couldn’t be doing this. Why was the thought of Max carrying her books so wrong but her kissing Steph so right? She wanted to pull back but she just couldn’t. She really was going to hell, but it seemed as if it was worth it.