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Sua finds her god as a child.
Even with two panes of glass separating them, the pink girl lights up Sua’s universe more than any starlight ever could. Something sparks in her heart—a flame igniting from what she believed to be only cold ashes. The pink girl reaches out to her like a blessing, and though they are physically separated, Sua can feel the girl’s fingers pressed against her soul.
This is the moment when Sua learns what it means to worship.
—
Sua grows up as part of a matching set. Porcelain skin, dark hair, frilly white dresses. Her owner arranges her and her sisters like dolls, handling them like glass. And when one of them cracks—
(Sua remembers—a sickening crunch of bones, blood dripping from her sister’s nose, red staining pure white.)
—Nigeh disposes of them.
So, Sua learns to be careful. She learns to walk through each day as if on a tightrope, protecting herself from potential disaster, living safely. But when flashes of pink color the corners of her vision—when the heartless white she lives in gives way to a rare burst of love—she finds her feet moving before her mind.
When she sees pink, she runs towards it, uncaring of whether or not this risk will be the thing that brings her downfall.
—
Anakt Garden is filled with artificial color.
But amongst the faux sunlight and flowers, Sua reunites with the only real thing she has ever known. Mizi shines brighter than all of it, and when she smiles, Sua’s breath catches in her throat. Mizi is every star in the sky and the entire universe around them. Mizi is the being that convinced Sua there were good things outside of her glass box. Mizi is…
“Sua, Sua, look!” she cries, waving her hand in the air, beckoning Sua down to the stream that flows through the garden. The river is filled with filtered water and robots that mimic creatures from a planet Sua has never held any interest in. Earth, the original home of humans, which Sua is hundreds of generations removed from. It is not her home. This imitation of it means nothing to her.
But she could never deny a request from Mizi.
So she follows the voice calling her name, down to the stream, and while Mizi watches the fish race each other through the clear water, Sua watches Mizi.
—
When Sua sings, she takes note of how the other students react. Some with awe, some with jealousy, some with boredom. She has spent her entire life learning how to adjust her behavior and appearance to appeal to those around her, but here in Anakt Garden, there are too many differing opinions. Most segyein are pleased with humans when they are well-behaved and beautiful-looking.
When Nigeh presented her and her sisters to other segyein, it was easy for Sua to mold herself into the perfect pet. Say nothing, glass expression, unless they ask you to smile—a command Sua learned before she knew how to speak much in her own language. Let Nigeh adjust your ruffles to her liking, and don’t move once she is done. Walk lightly, carefully. Don’t get hurt. Don’t bleed. Don’t break.
Anakt Garden is different, because other humans are not so easily pleased.
Sua catches Ivan’s eye across the room—dark and emotionless, like her own.
She curls her lips down into a frown. Ivan returns the gesture with a smile she knows is practiced and fake.
—
“Sua,” Mizi whispers, turning onto her side. They’re laying in the soft grass beneath a dark sky. Stars twinkle far above them, but Sua would rather stare at Mizi forever.
“Mizi,” she returns.
Mizi giggles, reaching out for Sua’s face. She trails her fingers down Sua’s cheek. Along her throat. Traces a flower out on her arm. Even in the darkness, Mizi is vibrant pink, lighting up Sua’s world. She is beautiful in a way Sua did not know was possible. She believed, once, that beauty was black-and-white and cold like glass.
Now, she knows beauty is bubbly and excitable and loud and pink.
—
Mizi is easy to worship. It should only be expected that others are pulled into her gravity as well, and Sua knows Mizi deserves to have the world fall at her feet. She would place her hands on the back of non-believers’ heads and force them to bow herself. She would hold the iron sword and slay anyone who dares speak ill of the being that embodies all good left in the world.
And yet—
When Mizi places a flower in Till’s hair, and his eyes light up in wonder, Sua wishes to wrap her hands around his throat and squeeze the life out of him—more than she has ever desired to end those who do not pay Mizi their proper respects. If Mizi is the star which Anakt Garden revolves around, she should not be touched like an equal by anyone other than her most devout worshipper.
And Sua has held Mizi as her universe for nearly as long as she has been able to form conscious thoughts.
Till smiles at Mizi, and Sua’s heart bursts into ugly flames.
—
Sua knows, looking at the other students as they are all circled up on the grass, singing and smiling beneath the bright sun, that many of them will soon break like her sister’s nose. They are fragile, and they are here only to die with a song on their tongue as the segyein burst into wild cheering. Many of them will shatter into a thousand pieces, their ashes scattered like the long-forgotten concept of snow.
But it’s easy to forget that, when Sua looks at Mizi.
When Mizi smiles, it is easy to simply live.
—
Sua braids Mizi’s hair with careful, practiced movements. She knows how to care for it from experience with her own hair, in the days before she cut it, when it grew down past her waist. She used to spend hours combing it and weaving strands together, making herself beautiful. But never once in all her life has she been able to paint herself as stunning as Mizi is.
Mizi giggles when Sua’s fingers brush the back of her neck. It sounds like a song Sua would be content to die to. She doesn’t tell Mizi this, though, because she knows Mizi wouldn’t like it. Mizi doesn’t like to think about sad things, and so Sua has taken it upon herself to be the shield protecting her from all the darkest parts of their reality.
Mizi smiles under the artificial sun, and Sua is content simply because Mizi is smiling.
“Stay still,” she chides. “If you wiggle too much, it’ll be crooked.”
“Sorry!”
Mizi stops her little movements—the rocking and the fidgeting that Sua knows were born not of any conscious effort. She has spent enough time studying Mizi to understand that she moves because she was allowed to. Her owner treated her as more daughter than pet, never caught up on presenting Mizi as perfect, but instead, letting her simply be happy.
It’s ironic, Sua thinks, how a lack of such strict attention to appearances led to the purest form of beauty. By letting Mizi simply be, her owner brought forth a perfect creation.
Shine put in this world a new god.
And Sua is the one lucky enough to touch her like this, with Mizi’s back to her, running her fingers through long, silky hair. So close her lips could brush against the bare skin of her throat, if only Sua leaned forward.
She finishes the braid, tying it off with ease, and as soon as she’s done, Mizi looks over her shoulder with a blinding smile. Sunlight, meant only for Sua’s gaze.
She stares straight at it, uncaring if it blinds her.
“You’re the best!” Mizi cheers. She throws herself into Sua’s arms, nearly tackling her to the ground. “Thank you, thank you!”
Sua smiles into Mizi’s shoulder and holds her tighter than necessary. She breathes in Mizi’s scent. She thinks, this cannot be forever.
She thinks: I am content to die if it means you continue sparkling.
“You’re welcome,” she whispers, into the fabric of Mizi’s clothing. It is muffled and soft, but she knows Mizi hears, because she responds with a laugh so loud and pretty and pink.
—
The last thing Sua sees before the world goes dark is the pink of Mizi’s hair. She dies as a form of worship, martyring herself for the god that taught her what it means to be truly beautiful. She hopes, through their time together, she was able to show Mizi that this is how she had always planned for things to end. She hopes that Mizi will offer her an unrelenting, merciful love in return.
She hopes, if there is a next life after this one, the entire world is painted in pink.