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The air got quite cool at night despite the warmth at the daytime. Fall was a weird season. Warm days, cold night. Adrien shivered as he took a deep breath, feeling the cold fill his lungs. For once he was happy that his suit shielded him from the chilly air. Untransformed he probably would have frozen to death on the rooftop.
“My Lady,” his voice was shaking and so were his hands. “Please, I want to tell you something. I planned to tell you this a long time ago, so would you please listen?”
“Please listen to me until the end.” Drawing small circles with his shoes the boy didn’t dare to look down from the sky. “My mother disappeared when I was still very young. She used to call me her little kitten and told me stories until I fell asleep. She was the person I looked up to. We once ruined a whole kitchen with flour because we tried to bake cookies but ended up in a food fight – ” With a blush, Adrien noticed he was rambling. The memories of his mother still made his stomach twist in an uncomfortable manner. There was a reason he wanted her to listen until the end. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to continue if someone stopped him. “Anyway, she disappeared and left me alone with my father. From that day on I was followed by bad luck and my life was painted pitch black. Father abandoned me even though I’m trying to be everything he wants. I wasn’t allowed to go to school or leave the house in general. I had just one friend, who did not really care about me and a chaperone that resembled a heartless robot. My life was emotionless and dark.”
He played with the ring on his finger, turning and twisting it around. “I started to hate the color black and tried to escape that life many times.”
“But then I got my miraculous and I met you,” He smiled and ran his tongue over his oh so dry lips. They tasted like salt. Had he been crying? “At first, I thought it was a joke that I represented a black cat and bad luck but when I saw you all those thoughts were forgotten. You were the first person in my life I could relate to. Another person with a miraculous. Another hero and someone with the most amazing smile that somehow reminded me of someone I couldn’t quite tell.”
“After I met you I was allowed to go to school where I made even more friends. Chat Noir allowed me to break out of my mask – which is ironic because I needed to put on a mask to get out of my old one. You accepted me without knowing who I am. I started looking forward to patrols.” Adrien was sure that his heartbeat must have been loud enough to wake half of Paris by now. “You were the light in my darkness and thanks to you I started accepting myself. I started to think that black wasn’t a bad color after all. When you first called me Chaton and smiled at me I knew who your smile reminded me of.”
“My mother had the same smile; she showed the same braveness as you. She was beautiful, strong and determined like you.” The hero chuckled. “It’s probably not appropriate to talk about my mother in such a situation, but I look up to you the same way I looked up at her. When we first fought together I promised myself something – and, well that’s why I’m here… uhm…”
“I-…” He took a deep breath that made his lungs feel like they were on fire. “Ladybug, I love you for all that you are,” Adrien said loud, his voice strong and straight forward as his eyes looked for someone who wasn’t there. In fact, he was alone, practicing the monolog he had worked on for months.
“Who am I kidding?” He muttered with his eyes suddenly glued to the ground. Fists clenched at his sides. “I’ll never be able to tell her that. It’s useless.”
After a few minutes of silence, the boy extended his baton and made his way home into the lonely mansion. Back to his dull life as Adrien Agreste. But it wasn't that bad because he knew he would see her again. Even if she considered him 'just' a friend. After all, Ladybug was his sun.
He would never know that Ladybug had heard him. She had seen her partner on a rooftop while passing on her patrol and wanted to say ‘hello’. But then he started addressing her even though he had no idea that she was there. Of course, Marinette would get curious, so she decided to hide behind the chimney.
Nobody had ever confessed to her before and Marinette knew that this couldn’t be counted as confession either. She had no idea how to label this ‘talk’ but it was the most intimate thing they ever shared.
This was a side of Chat she had never seen. Chat used to wear a smile around her, making flirty comments and a shitton of puns. Never once in her life, she had imagined that there was a broken boy behind that smile. A boy, who genuinely loved her; who meant every flirty line he’d said.
Tears stained her mask and her hand was pressed against her mouth.
How should she act around him? Chat didn’t know that she had heard everything so it would be the best to not change her behavior. Marinette didn’t want to break his heart but she couldn’t return his feelings either. She knew exactly what it felt like to love someone who would never love you back. It made it so easy to imagine herself in his place. It felt like needles slowly pierced her heart but she couldn’t pinpoint the feeling. Was it guilt? Pity?
He deserved so much better.
He deserved someone who would love him back.
He deserved someone, who – well, he deserved someone who wasn’t her.
Small white clouds formed as she let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. The back of her head slightly hit the stone as she whispered into the night.
“Oh Chaton, I’m so sorry…”