Chapter Text
I wish I could tell you sorry. I wish I could go back and tell you not to go on that mission, beg you, keep you in my arms and say to hell with the government. But knowing you? You would’ve followed Steve Rogers off a cliff. And you did. My heart was crushed harder than I ever knew the day we were told you had passed. Ma, Becca and I cried, screamed, we felt a part of ourselves die with you. I would go back and do it all over again, I would’ve said yes every time you begged me to just marry you already. I knew if I said no, you’d come back and try again. I wanted nothing more than to be your wife, I was stupid and young and I would take it all back for a chance to give you that yes. I would have made it my life’s purpose to make you feel loved.
James, my Jamie. I lost you too soon. You’ll be happy to know I tried to move on, I tried to live the life you wanted me to have. But no one was you, no one could fill that gaping, bleeding hole in my soul. So I stayed alone. My life was as full as it could be, but I never married nor did I love another man. Sometimes I’d see you in faces passing on the street, or a picture of a couple would shift, and I could almost see us. Happy.
Oddly, Steve’s death comforted me. It not only marked the end of that nightmare, but I knew you weren’t alone, neither of you. You had each other to the end of the line, isn’t that a painfully ironic line now? Part of me is ready for the end of the line as well, I know you’re waiting. I won’t say no this time, I promise Buck. We’ll see each other again, I know it. In my old age, I’m surrounded by your love in more ways than you’ll ever know, and I’m happy here. I’m ready for it now. Like a ghost, you move through me, in every breath I take. Thank you for the time we did have together. Thank you for loving me, scars and all. Thank you for staying true to your soul, for doing more than just surviving but living. Thank you, Jamie. My love. I’ll see you soon.
Love, your doll <3
I drift into peaceful sleep, I wonder if this is it. I accepted it a long time ago, and I’m happy with the life I lived. So why do I feel something tugging me back…?