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Even though the phenomenon of the universe’s creation was named Big Bang, when the universe came to life, it was inaudible to the human ear. It would not be false to say, the universe was born quietly.
Jaehyun’s universe also comes to him without a bang in the form of Riwoo, all soft smiles and graceful lines of his body falling into Jaehyun’s life like clear water. Riwoo is the calm to Jaehyun’s chaotic. He cherishes him beyond words even if he cannot outright say it without ruining both of their lives.
Still, he does his best to care for Riwoo in any insignificant — but significant to them, in the privacy of their hearts — way.
With Riwoo, like all things him, it begins quietly.
Jaehyun notices it in the silence — the way he starts dressing in thicker clothes despite it being pleasantly balmy outside. The way he drinks more hot drinks and honey tea. The coughing he tries to hide. It does not show itself immediately, Riwoo’s sickness, it lingers behind in the shadows of the sun and the heat of the honey tea. He stays one beat out of place when they dance even though he is the best among them. Still, Jaehyun does not outright confront him. He respects Riwoo which means he will be courteous and give him the space he needs until Riwoo feels like he can come to Jaehyun with whatever is bothering him. Also, it is an excuse to observe more of Riwoo’s sudden change in behaviour.
It all comes to head when Riwoo almost faints in the practice room. Jaehyun is there to catch him but were he a second late, Riwoo would have collapsed to the floor.
Taesan’s eyes are full of worry as he kneels beside them. “Hyung looks pale.”
He does not need to point it out — Jaehyun already can see the loss of colour in his face, not from staying inside and not getting any sun but from exhaustion. The very exhaustion Riwoo pushed through because he did not want to admit that he was not well.
“I’ll take him back,” he says and nobody objects. They end the practice early and Riwoo comes to consciousness as Jaehyun is trying to figure out the best way to carry him out.
Riwoo reddens as he realizes how well he is folded up in Jaehyun’s arms. “Ah, Jaehyun-ah. I’m fine,” he weakly mutters, trying to free himself but Riwoo has ignored his health for too long and it turns out, he does not have enough energy to even push himself up from Jaehyun’s hold.
“Want to try again?” Jaehyun asks, not to mock him, but to spare Riwoo the shame.
Riwoo relents, voice soft. “Yeah, but can you — can you help me?”
Jaehyun laughs. What else would he do if not help Riwoo. “Of course. I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”
Riwoo leans half his weight on Jaehyun as they walk. Jaehyun feels half his body turn feverish from the heat emanating off Riwoo.
He presses the back of his hand to Riwoo’s forehead and pulls it away with a hiss. “You’re burning up.”
“I’m not. I’m just — just a little sick,” Riwoo mutters, trying to ward off more concern even though he is red in the face.
Jaehyun does not humor him and stays silent until they go back. Riwoo had slumped over and spent the ride back with his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, cushioned by one of his thick jackets.
He half carries Riwoo back into the apartment and it speaks volumes about how sick Riwoo actually is. Usually, Riwoo vehemently hates being dependent. He had always been someone who worked hard to make sure he was self-sufficient. To be handled like he was a fragile being bruised him. Yet, as the fever raged, he found himself too weak to even protest against the gentleness he was being showered in.
Riwoo’s room is cold. That is the first thing Jaehyun makes note of.
“It’s so cold in here, Riwoo-ya,” he murmurs, gently helping Riwoo sit down on the bed, fluffing the pillows up as he gets comfortable.
If it was any other day, Riwoo would whine and complain about outside clothes and clean bed sheets but it is not any other day.
“I’ve been feeling a little hot lately,” Riwoo replies, blinking sluggishly at Jaehyun.
Momentarily, Jaehyun loses himself. Slight panic surges up in him. He has never taken care of anyone before and he wants to be good to Riwoo. He wants to be someone Riwoo can rely on without a doubt. It is only for a short minute but it still feels like an eternity when Jaehyun comes back to his senses.
He kneels beside Riwoo — outside clothes and all — and takes his warm hands into his. “You need to rest. Let me take care of you.”
Riwoo looks like he might cry. Then, he concedes with a small nod.
Jaehyun pats his knee and gets off the floor to get a cool cloth and a few other essentials.
By the time he comes back, Riwoo is fast asleep, body bent in an awkward shape. Jaehyun feels so much love for Riwoo that for a second he can do nothing but just stare at his sleeping face and flushed neck.
He sets down the box of tissues and the strip of medicine on the bedside table. He brings the cool cloth and carefully covers Riwoo’s forehead with it. He presses the back of his palms to Riwoo’s closed eyelids just to get a sense of his temperature. His mother had once told him if his eyes were hot, there would be a lot of heat accumulated in the body and he would need to eat more cooling foods.
He makes a mental note to add a lot more cucumbers to Riwoo’s diet in addition to other foods.
The bedroom feels too cold even though warm air blows through the windows. He bolts the windows close and turns on the heater.
He cleans around the room, picking up a laundry pile and fishing out clothes that look comfortable to wear. Jaehyun knows that Riwoo hates round neck t-shirts when he sleeps and he prefers ankle length sweatpants over longer ones.
Riwoo wakes up as Jaehyun is trying — and miserably failing — to fold a long sleeve t-shirt of his.
“Leave it. I can do it later,” Riwoo croaks, voice hoarse and features pinched in pain. Jaehyun abandons it on the floor and walks over to Riwoo’s bedside.
“Okay. You should eat something and take your meds,” Jaehyun murmurs, softly thumbing under the thin skin of Riwoo’s eyes. “I’ll heat up some soup, yeah?”
Riwoo shakes his head at first. He is not good at being sick, Jaehyun is just realizing this. “You need to eat, honey,” Jaehyun firmly says and with much reluctance, Riwoo agrees.
“Just a little bit. I don’t feel like eating.”
When the universe came to be, nothing was habitable right away. The way Riwoo burns, Jaehyun thinks of the birth of a star. It must have been so tiring, he thinks. To be born anew. He hopes Riwoo recovers soon and he is back in Jaehyun’s arms without any pain lingering behind.
Riwoo drinks the soup and drinks three glasses of water. Jaehyun counts them like heartbeats. He swallows his pills without any strange faces and there builds up an urge in Jaehyun to kiss him senseless. Riwoo is beautiful even as he is sweaty and red-faced and looks one nudge away from falling asleep.
“Can you stay with me? Here,” Riwoo asks, warm palm sliding over Jaehyun’s arm.
Jaehyun grins. “Scoot over.”
The bed is a little cramped, clearly not meant to accommodate two grown adults but they make it work. Riwoo nestles closer to Jaehyun, seeking more of his comfort. Jaehyun strokes his hair until Riwoo’s breathing evens out.
It feels a bit warmer than usual as Jaehyun tries to sleep. It is probably from Riwoo as the fever washes over him. He hopes it breaks soon and Riwoo can feel better again. Jaehyun is not against taking care of Riwoo, he feels happy that Riwoo wants him there, with him, at his most vulnerable moment but, but he loves Riwoo which means he cannot really stand seeing him suffer and move around in discomfort.
The air also seems to hold its breath as Jaehyun comes face to face with this, this being his way of caring — quiet, and deliberate — as if taking care of Riwoo was something sacred, somewhat of a privilege.
He is not unsure of how much time passes before Jaehyun himself also drifts off into sleep. Though, he is awoken by soft sniffles and the twisting of the bed sheet under him.
He rolls to his side and blinks his eyes open only to find that Riwoo is already looking at him. He is mirroring Jaehyun’s bleary gaze.
Riwoo is wrapped in blankets. His voice is a bit scratchy but he does not sound as exhausted as he had earlier in the day. “Hi,” he says, smiling.
Jaehyun feels his heart twist and clench. He brushes off a few strands off Riwoo’s face. “Hi, baby.”
“You don’t have to do all this for me, Jaehyun-ie.”
“I know.” Jaehyun makes a noise in the back of his throat, tucking the blanket neatly around him, enveloping him in the circle of his arms. “But I want to. After all, I love you.”
The confession — the three words I love you — are not new to them. It is not the first time Jaehyun has said them but it must be the haze of fever which makes everything that much more tender. It is a quiet night, Riwoo’s breathing is loud and Jaehyun thinks the world has come to a standstill.
Riwoo shuts his eyes tightly and tries to turn away but he is too tangled in Jaehyun’s arms and the blanket. He fishes his hand out of the blankets and cups Jaehyun’s cheek.
“I love you too,” he whispers, quiet as the universe becoming a tangible thing. His hand lingers at the crown of Jaehyun’s head for a minute too long. Still, it is not long enough. Not when Riwoo feels tender all over with the warmth of Jaehyun’s body. It is a different kind of heat, much more pleasant. It soothes the ache in his bones — he can already hear Jaehyun teasing him about this thought, he would say that is the medicine taking effect and Riwoo would only stick his tongue out.
Riwoo doesn’t fall back asleep right away. His eyes are on Jaehyun and Jaehyun lets him stare at him, waiting until Riwoo gathers his words.
Eventually, Riwoo says, “You’re too good to me.” His words are a bit soured, as though he cannot bear Jaehyun being so good to him.
Jaehyun lets out a tinkling laugh. Riwoo thinks of wind chimes and summer insects. “You say that like it is a problem, Riwoo-ya.”
Something fragile shatters in Riwoo. The stubborn, carbonized façade gets pried open by Jaehyun’s steady presence.
“It’s not. It’s not a problem.” He pauses. “Sometimes though — it’s scary.”
Jaehyun hums, not saying anything yet.
Riwoo continues, “It scares me how gentle you are with me. If anything changes because — because of me, between us, I don’t think I’d survive that. I wouldn’t want to.”
Jaehyun slaps a hand over Riwoo’s mouth. “Don’t say things like that. Nothing is going to happen. I love you and I will keep loving you for as long as I am capable of love.”
Riwoo laughs, a wet and scratchy sound. “I’m feeling sleepy. Don’t leave me,” he requests, nuzzling close.
Jaehyun nods in the semi-darkness. “I’ll be here for you, baby. Go to sleep.”
As Riwoo falls asleep, Jaehyun counts his slow heartbeats. He cards his fingers through Riwoo’s fever damp strands. “I’d never leave you. I could never bear to. You’re the only person I have loved so much,” he whispers, the words gushing out of him like a waterfall.
He presses his lips to the warm skin of Riwoo’s temple and falls asleep like that. Riwoo stirs, still groggy, held in the arms of slumber. He murmurs, “Thank you for caring. For loving me so much.”
Jaehyun stirs but he doesn’t wake up. Riwoo smiles at him. His fever breaks but his heart mends a crack he did not know existed.
In the sweet and bitter of the night, another universe comes into existence, contained in the space between their bodies, quietly, like all things them.