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Mesto polno je duhov, ki več te ne spustijo proč.
(Spirits are lurking in the city, they won’t let you get away.)
A ko prvi je metek poletel, me naravnost med oči zadel sem izgubil svoja tla.
(The first gunshot fired, hit me right between the eyes and pushed me over the edge.)
At first, Eddie felt nothing. In that split second after being shot, he hadn’t even registered it himself. One moment Buck was stood in front of him; clean and fresh in his striped button-down. The next? Blood was splattered across his face, his wine-coloured birthmark now lost in the red smearing across his face. It was covering his lips, Eddie noticed.
Then came the pain.
Going from feeling nothing, to feeling the white-hot searing pain of flesh being torn apart was agonising. But he didn’t scream. Wouldn’t scream. He simply… fell.
Zdaj padam in padam, a me bo kdo ujel?
(I’m falling and falling, will anyone catch me?)
On any other day the way he collapsed to the floor would have him cursing. It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t soft. But in that moment, in that one, excruciating moment, the harsh tarmaced street felt like heaven, like God Himself had placed a cloud to soften Eddie’s fall in a gentle caress.
From then on, he barely registered anything.
He watched as the men and women of the 133 grabbed Buck and shoved him onto the ground. He watched as bullets ricocheted off of their truck with dangerous sparks. He watched, through half-closed eyes and blood pooling around his shoulder, his own hand try and inch its way towards Buck.
Buck.
Buck who had clearly registered the movement, because despite the obvious danger they were all in, rolled away from firefighter Mehta and under the truck.
Through laboured breaths and muffled hearing, Eddie watched as Buck scrambled towards him.
“Come on, Eddie!”
A bullet narrowly missed him, igniting spilled gasoline flooding the ambulance nearby.
“Stay down! I’m gonna come! I’ve got you!”
He could hear the raw desperation in Buck’s voice; gravelly and pained. Eddie’s fingers twitched, still trying to reach out to Buck as he lolled over onto his back.
Eddie had struggled with his relationship with God for over a decade now, but in an instant, he was back to being 14 years old and begging, pleading with God to keep the people he loved safe. God could do whatever he wanted with Eddie, but through all the pain he swore he would march to the Pearly Gates himself and demand retribution if Buck got hurt trying to save him.
Nisem jim verjel in večeru se predal.
(Brushing off the voices, I surrendered to the night.)
Eddie must have blacked out because the next time he opened his eyes, he was face-up in the back of a cramped firetruck as Buck hovered over him, bloody and panicked.
“Are you hurt?” Eddie heard himself slur out.
“I’m fine. I’m good.” Buck’s eyes were wide with fear.
Eddie felt cold; he knew logically that he was bleeding out in the back of this truck, but all he could focus on through clouded eyes was Buck’s stained shirt, stained face, stained everything . He couldn’t say anything though, his shoulder burned like the sun itself had hammered its way through his flesh.
“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispered, “We’re four minutes out. You’re so close.”
“I– Buck–” Eddie began.
“Don’t,” Buck said, “You’re gonna be fine. I’ve got you.”
Eddie shook his head. “No– no. I’ve gotta tell you–”
“You don’t need to say anything Eds.”
“I do. You need to know– I– I love you.”
Buck just pressed down on Eddie’s wound.
"I love you- love you so much." Eddie kept rambling, words half-slurred and almost unintelligable.
“Tell me that once you’re more sane, yeah?” Buck mumbled. His eyes were softer now; still pained, but gentler.
“‘M sane now, Buck.” Eddie mumbled. Buck just sighed.
Buck didn’t say anything for the rest of the journey – he just kept a firm, constant pressure on Eddie’s shoulder and delicately brushed away the hair that had fallen onto his forehead.
They were near the hospital, he could hear one of the members of the 133 radioing in saying they were a minute away. Eddie stopped listening after that. His eyes blurred over as he succumbed to the darkness once again, savouring that feeling of sweet nothingness.
Kje ste vsi? Takrat, ko najbolj boli.
(Where did you all go when I was hurting the most?)