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Kai felt numb.
There was no way that this wasn't just a horrible nightmare, that Nya wasn't really...
He couldn't bring himself to think it.
But this was his life.
He had poured water into the ceremonial jar.
Because there wasn't a body to bury, only the knowledge that his sister was lost to the sea, and there was nothing he could do about it.
He had just stumbled into his room and shut the door, which muffled Jay's crying a little.
For what felt like days, he sat there, unmoving, staring at the opposite wall, which was filled with pictures of him and Nya and the team from years ago.
After the Oni invasion, after they reunited with their parents (who, like they were prone to do, vanished after the funeral. He hadn't been able to get ahold of them since) and even one right after they had invited Lloyd into their family.
Whoa, they had all grown so much, Lloyd most of all.
But Nya would never change ever again, would never grow old or even have a life outside the ninja.
He curled a little bit more into himself and closed his eyes.
After a while, Jay's sobs lost their volume, stopping completely, probably because he had fallen asleep, but at some point in the morning, they had started up again.
How did one guy have all those tears?
He heard Zane come into Jay's room to try and talk to him. Heard him speaking in soft tones, trying to comfort Jay through his pain when Zane for sure had some of his own.
Heard Jay yelling at him, about how "None of you can understand what it's like! I loved Nya! She was my Yang! You can't help me!"
The sounds of Zane's departure were muffled by more crying.
Anger boiled under his skin.
What right did Jay have to speak to any of them like that?
She was his yang, yes, but they all loved Nya, with all their hearts.
Kai was her brother.
He had been there, cared for her like the parents that they didn't have, for years.
Jay knew Nya for a fraction of the time that Kai had, and he had the audacity to say they didn't know how he felt?
He had no idea what it was like.
Kai, shaken out of his stupor, got out of bed.
His muscles yelled at him, sore from being in one place for so long, but he ignored them.
He stormed down the hall, ready to give a talking to to Jay-
And stopped.
Turned to the right.
Nya's room, in between his and Jay's, stared back at him, looking so lived in and loved.
Her spears, thrown haphazardly across the room, her bed unmade, a blue book with a bookmark about halfway through lying on her bedside table.
It made his heart ache, his anger almost fully forgotten.
Nya would never sleep in this room, live in this room, ever again.
The sadness hit him like a freight train.
He finally, truly knew in his heart that Nya was gone, forever.
And Kai crumbled.
Like the cookies that he used to love but now couldn't look at.
He fell to his knees in Nya's doorway, getting hit with the smell of the perfume she always wore, slightly salty but with a tinge of something flowery that was always overridden by the sour smell of machine grease, and sobbed.
Tears blurred his view of Nya's room, and droplets adorned his red hoodie and sweatpants.
He didn't know how long he sat there in the doorway, crying, but it felt like forever, until something - someone - came in.
"Kai?"
It was Cole.
"Hey, Kai, do you need a hug?"
He did.
So, so much.
He sank into Cole's waiting arms and let the earth wielder's strong muscles wrap firmly around him like a blanket, helping to block out the world.
"I just..." his voice was cracked from disuse and the crying, and her hardly bothered to clear his throat before going on. "I miss her so much. I wish I could redo it, make it so she didn't have to sacrifice herself, made it so I died so that she could live, or no one died at all, but... I know that's not gonna happen. We're never gonna get her back. Jay's gonna cry every time he gets a glass of water, and I'll break down every time something reminds me of her, which is everything, because she was everywhere in my life, Cole, and I... I don't know how to move on from something like this. I can't go the way I did last time, but I don't know what to do."
Cole's arm's wrapped tighter around his, and he took a deep - if not a little shaky - breath.
"I don't know, Kai. I wish I could tell you that we can get her back, like we did with Zane, but I don't know. I do know, though, that I'll be right there by your side for all of it, okay? No matter what, I'm never gonna let you go."
And for Kai, that was enough.
He just sat there, holding Cole, for a long time, and while not everything was okay, this certainly was.