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"It's bad. We're trying our best but we can't promise you. I hope you prepare for the worst."
.
Everything's dark but he could hear the commotion. Someone was outside, knocking on the window, trying to talk to him but Chanyeol couldn't understand anything. It was like he was submerged in the water. All the words had become mumbles and whispers.
His ears were ringing loudly. He tried to grasp what was happening, cracking up his eyes but sharp pain had made him whimper. Something was trickling down his head into his eyes and blurring his vision. He blinked it off multiple times before he was able to finally see his surroundings albeit it was still blurry. This was his car. He recognized the car interior which he personally picked, the radio, the seat, even the puppy keychain haphazardly hanging down the rearview mirror. But everything was upside down. He was upside down.
He tried to move but he was restricted by the seat belt which prevented him from directly fall onto the car roof. He's wiggling to free himself, panic had creeped into his system, alarming him that he needed to get out of there. He could not think straight, hands flailing around before clicking him out the belt and sending him straight down to the glass shard below him. Chanyeol moaned in pain. It was not just the glass that had pierced his skin, and now his body was twisted in a weird way. He felt pain everywhere. He was breathing fast and harsh, feeling that there was not enough oxygen in there. His head hurt that he saw black spots swimming around. He felt like he was floating out of consciousness before someone suddenly patted his shoulder.
"Hey, you're okay?" Chanyeol let out a whimper. He did not even realize that the rescue team was trying to pry off the crumpled car door all this time and now that it had gone, he could clearly hear the deafening sirens here and there. Blinking his eyes, he could not stay awake anymore. Sudden exhaustion made him want to close his eyes but persistent voice had prevented him from doing so.
"Hey, hey. No. Don't sleep. I need you to stay awake." Chanyeol groaned. He could not see whether the rescue man was young or old, big or small, but he just couldn't. Or he did not want to? But he felt so tired.
"We get you and your friend out of here."
Friend?
He shifted his eyes to the passenger seat, blinking to look clearly, mopped brown hair, a familiar peach colored sweatshirt and black sweatpant. The person was hanging upside down like him, trails of blood were everywhere, on his face, on his shirt but the person was not moving.
Why isn't he moving?
Chanyeol's eyes sting. It was a dream, wasn't it? He wished this was a dream. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, mixing up with his blood, his hand grasping to reach out for him but it seemed like he was far, far from his reach. Chanyeol mumbled incoherent words before total blackness had pulled him out of consciousness.
Baekhyun.
.
Chanyeol gasped loudly. His body jolted upward and his long limbs were flailing around, hitting everything on their way. Feeling his breath was stuck inside, he gasped for air. His whole body was shocked in panic. His eyes were unfocused before two warm hands cupped his face.
"Hey, hey, focus on me. Breath slowly. Follow me." One of the hands grasped his and put them on the person's chest, telling him to follow him. Trying to synchronize his breathing with the person, tears were flowing down his cheeks. He was calm after a short while, eyes were still focussing on the person in front of him.
"Baekhyun?" It was more a whisper but it was loud enough for the person to hear him from how close they were now.
"Yes? God, what did you dream of that made you cry like this?" Baekhyun looked concerned, hand reaching out to wipe the tears on his friend's face.
Chanyeol was still shaking but he had recovered most of it. He knew he was on his bed, in their dorm. He was safe. Smiling warmly, Baekhyun asked the latter, "Are you okay now?" Chanyeol nodded at the question, not trusting his voice to not crack if he let it out now. "It's okay. We don't have to go. Let's rest today." Patting his friend's messy, soft hair, Baekhyun was on his way out of Chanyeol's bed to let him rest.
Chanyeol flustered at that statement, tugging on the latter's hand which he was still holding on. "No. Let's go."
.
He just let Baekhyun run first to the convenience store, leaving him to lock the car. He swore he heard that friend of his happily squealed like a five years old girl when he handed him his card after he lost the game of rock scissors paper. He jogged a bit after locking the car, trying to get into the store fast to prevent the latter from buying the entire store with his card.
They promised this road trip. It had been postponed so many times due to their schedules. They had finished their tour last night and having a few days to rest, they thought it was the right time to go, a trip to everywhere and nowhere. It was not like they thoroughly planned this. Both of them were not good planners anyway. They just planned to drive and stop somewhere, googling whether there was something nice to do there and if not, they would just continue driving to the north.
Baekhyun was smiling widely, happily humming to a tune he just made with both hands fully occupied with two bags full of drinks, snacks and everything he wanted and following him from behind was grumbling Park Chanyeol who had a long receipt that he just signed.
"Hurry up, Park Chanyeol. We need to go." Sighing, Chanyeol rushed to the car after he heard his friend yelling for him. Don't need to have the whole neighborhood to know that he was there.
.
The duo were sitting at the amusement park cafe after an hour of fun rides and games. Chanyeol could not contain himself, kept smiling with straw in between his teeth. They had a lot of fun. He had won a small puppy keychain after spending almost thousands won at the game booth, only stopped after Baekhyun had literally dragged him out before he could spend his entire fortune there. At the haunted mansion, he ran out leaving his friend behind, swarming with zombies even though they had promised earlier at the entrance to never leave each other. Baekhyun's curses, mostly towards Chanyeol, were loud enough for every human being (and ghost) in the entire mansion to hear. They rode several rides, even the extreme ones. Having fear of height but did not want to be left behind, Baekhyun coped with it by shutting his eyes tightly and puking out his lunch at a nearby trash can.
And now, he had a tall strawberry vanilla sundae to fill back his stomach while Chanyeol had his dose of iced Americano. The sun was shining brightly that day. Chanyeol looked at his friend's face. His smile dropped abruptly. People might not see it clearly if they were not focused on it but there was a long graze on that pretty face, a thin, long scar across his left cheek. It was healing well and it would have completely gone in a week but Chanyeol could not help but feel guilty.
"What? Did I get some on my cheek?" Baekhyun noticed the latter's stare toward him. He aggressively rubbed his cheek and licked the corner of his lips thinking whether he might be a messy eater with all the cream.
Chanyeol shook his head "Nothing. " He shifted his attention back to his coffee.
"Okay." Baekhyun shrugged. "Hurry up. We need to go now."
.
Chanyeol felt like his heart beat crazily like it wanted to jump out his rib cage, right hand still hanging in the air, clenched into a fist, frantic eyes looking down at the person lying on the floor with one hand clutching his face. He could hear someone yelling at him in the background before he was harshly pushed to the side.
"What the hell, Chanyeol!"
Everyone rushed to Baekhyun who was holding his cheek. The impact was strong, shocking the whole practice room. They were practicing for their concert but luckily there were not so many staff present at the moment as they were already reaching the end of practice. It was late, everyone was tired and this was not how they wanted their day to end.
Chanyeol was shocked at himself, could not believe he ever did that especially to someone he used to protect from the crowd at the airport, his close friend, his best friend. He knew Baekhyun, he used to his joke and teasing. But somehow, today he snapped.
He felt stinging pain. Junmyeon was standing in front of him, slapping him across the cheek. "We swore we would never get physical with each other, Park Chanyeol." Junmyeon was furious. He's breathing fast but trying hard to calm his anger. "This is not the end. I will not tolerate this." Junmyeon then grabbed Baekhyun to the corner of the room, fetching the first aid box to treat his wound.
The room went silent. Chanyeol felt his heart stop. He knew he was in deep trouble. But he was in deeper trouble when he had to deal with an angry Junmyeon.
.
Angry Junmyeon was scary, worse than his boss. Chanyeol swore if it was allowed, Junmyeon would beat his bum with a paddle. He had to hear his lecture for one whole day. Junmyeon made him and Baekhyun sit in front of each other to apologize to each other. They looked like kids in the principal's office, kneeling with hands up above their heads. But for Chanyeol the worst was the silent treatment. He did not know how many bribes, how much money he had spent to make the members talk to him back. But it was worth it. It was back to normal, they talked to him, laughed but it was after a week of torture.
"You're crazy."
Chanyeol snapped from his memories. Baekhyun sat next to him on his camping chair, hands busy stuffing his mouth with noodles, huffing because of the hot meal he got straight from the boiling pot. He gulped down the noodle before saying, "One time you're staring then frowning, then smiling. Is your brain okay?"
Chanyeol frowned, making an action like he wanted to hit the latter's head. He sneered, satisfied when the man flinched on his chair, enough to send him tipped off the chair, nearly landing himself on the ground.
They were on the beach, camping. The sun was setting, the sky was filled with orange and red hue. They had the hood opened, hanging decorative light on it, camping chairs sat facing the magnificent view of the sea and the sun. They sat in silence while sipping the coffee and munching on the ramyeon Chanyeol just made.
"I'm sorry."
"And now you're apologizing." Baekhyun stopped slurping his coffee.
He looked at the friend and Chanyeol too looked at him in the eyes. They were staring at each other. No word was spoken. They were not good with words anyway, not good at being sappy but they were saying sorry, communicating with their eyes. Don't they say the eyes showed what was in the heart?
But the moment abruptly stopped when Baekhyun made a silly face, making Chanyeol laugh. The tense between them dissipated. Smiling, Baekhyun stood up from his chair, "Come on. We have one more stop to go."
.
Chanyeol opened his eyes after a short nap. Baekhyun had offered to drive to their next destination, he did not know where. In his groggy state, he was even more confused with where they were and why they were here. The building was bright and bustling with people even at night. People were walking into and out of the building in many states, some were calm, some were rushing, some with smiles on their faces, while some looked like they had lost their hope for life. A non stop siren was heard and more people rushed to the entrance. Chanyeol turned his head to look at the person they were wheeling into the building before Baekhyun swerved the car to the basement parking lot.
Baekhyun skillfully parked the car and killed off the engine. Looking at his friend with confusion all over his face, Chanyeol had so many questions to ask but Baekhyun stopped him first. He demanded him to follow, and follow was what Chanyeol did. Like a lost puppy he was, he walked into the building.
.
After a short elevator ride, they arrived at the second floor of the building. Baekhyun was calmly walking in front of him. There were rows of rooms with numbers and names. Chanyeol peeked into one of the rooms, the curtain was drawn, he could not see anything but white. They walked past the nurse station. There was someone working by the computer, eyes busy with the words for the report. Chanyeol thought the nurse would stop them to ask where they wanted to go as it was already past visiting hours, but she didn't. It was either she was really busy or she did not see them walking past her.
Baekhyun stopped at the room at the end of the hallway and looked at the open door. Not focusing on his walk, Chanyeol bumped into his friend when he stopped. He looked at his friend confusedly, trying to look left and right at the surroundings. He saw Junmyeon by the window at the end of the hallway, he was crouching with his back leaning on the wall, looking tired and shambles. He looked like a mess. Chanyeol lifted his hand to greet the leader but Baekhyun grabbed his hand first and they walked into the room.
They stood at the entrance. He looked at the hospital bed, quite nervous to see who was on it but whoever he was, he was completely hidden by big, heavy hospital equipment. Wires and drips hooked onto and into his body. The steady beeping sound of machines monitoring his vitals and the oxygen machine pumped to keep him alive. Chanyeol was sure the person was in bad shape, but hey, at least he was still alive.
There, Sehun was sitting on the chair by the bed, face scrunching seriously, arms crossed, looking straight at the still person. Chanyeol could feel his heart beating frantically. If Sehun was here, and Junmyeon was out there, was he someone he knew? Someone he’s close to?
Chanyeol nervously looked into Baekhyun’s eyes, looking for an answer but the latter’s eyes softened. He let out a sad smile.
Why would he be sad? Chanyeol thought.
The grip on his hand loosened, signaling him to go find the answer alone.
As he walked closer to the bed, he could not help but tense. The room was quiet, too quiet except for the steady sound from the machines. And Sehun. He was too focused on the person and acted like he could not see the other two in the same room.
Chanyeol walked closer and closer. When he finally saw him, it took every fiber of his being to hold him still as his whole world crashed all at once. He felt his heart stop and all air had sucked out of his lungs. The sharp pain he felt inside like someone was stabbing him. His eyes sting with tears.
The accident. It did happen.
.
"Sehun, you can't be like this." Junmyeon tried to take Sehun's hand into his but the latter harshly pulled it off.
It had been a week since the accident happened. Only God knew how devastating that day was when Junmyeon got the call. His members, his brothers who he held dearly in his heart, one was gone and one was fighting for his life. It was hard to see the picture on the frame, looking at him, smiling but no warmth in it, a smile, a face that he would not see ever again. It was hard to see the other one on the hospital bed, unresponsive to the world. It was hard when he had the intrusive thoughts for the high chance for this one too would follow the other. He wanted to crash, to cry, to grieve but looking at the members, barely hanging on, he felt responsible to look after them. And one who kept himself shut in the hospital room, barely ate and slept, sitting by the bed day by day. Junmyeon felt he needed to step up and do something.
"Everyone leave." Sehun yelled. He did not care even if people could hear him. "One after another. Don't we promise hyung, we will never leave each other. Not anymore. And now this. Baekhyun hyung promised he would never leave me, he will be taking care of me, he will always be my brother but why– why did he die?" His voice was shaking. Sehun knew he was a mess. He did not cry when they got the news about the accident and they had to rush to the hospital, he did not cry at the mourning place when all the people were crying their heart out, he did not cry when he saw his brother's body lying down in his final resting place.
But now, he could not stop his tears. Now everything, every emotion came crashing him down. He could not stop. He was sobbing to the point he felt he could not breathe. The reality he had to face, it made his heart, his brain, every inch of his body hurt.
Feeling a warm, tight hug surrounding him, he became limped, trying hard to catch his breath. He shook his head, pushing the leader off, Sehun abruptly stood up. "I need to go to Chanyeol hyung."
"Sehun-ah, listen to hyung please." Junmyeon pleaded.
"I have to make sure hyung keeps his promise. He can't leave." With that, Sehun rushed to the room where Chanyeol was, ignoring the pleading call from Junmyeon.
.
They had sat on the hospital floor, did not know how many hours had passed, did not care whether the floor was filthy or not. Chanyeol had calmed after his meltdown but the tears did not stop. He had his head on his friend's shoulder. Baekhyun was still hugging him, his shirt was soaking wet with tears and snot. Chanyeol clutched the back of Baekhyun's shirt tightly, terrified that if he let go, Baekhyun would disappear before his eyes.
He remembered. They had the fight a week before the last tour. Three days of concerts passed with them not talking or interacting with each other. He had thought out his apology the last day. He had planned to ask Baekhyun for the trip the day after, only if Baekhyun forgave him. When the manager asked him to send Baekhyun home that night, he found an opportunity to tell him the plan.
But it never happened.
He never apologized.
He never had the chance to apologize.
Actually, no. He had plenty of time before they arrived at the junction but he was a coward to start first.
The accident did happen. He was the one on the bed. Chaneyol was the one on the bed, barely clinging to life. And Baekhyun, he-
This was a dream. Or was it a nightmare?
“Chanyeol-ah.” Baekhyun called, slowly pulled away from the hug. A faint chuckle escaped his lips, looking at the mess of his friend’s face. If it was their everyday life, he would laugh till his stomach hurt looking at his friend crying hard with all the snorts and tears.
He let out a sad smile. He cupped Chanyeol’s face in both his hands, trying to wipe away the streaming tears down his face. Chanyeol was sobbing hard again when he looked at the latter’s face.
“Chanyeol-ah.” Baekhyun called his name again, softly, hands gripping hard on the other’s trembling hands. “You know what it is, right?”
“I am not here anymore. I’m–” he hesitated. “I’m dead. But- you’re not. You need to wake up. I need you to open your eyes. I need you to fight for your life. You can -”
“No!” Chanyeol interrupted him. “I don’t want it. If I wake up, and you’re gone. I cannot see you anymore. You are not there. You are here. I want to stay here. We can do anything. We can go anywhere. I will stay here whether-”
“No Chanyeol! You have to wake up. You have to wake up for our team. You see how it is for Sehun, for hyung. They need you there.”
“NO! NO! NO!” Chanyeol cried out hysterically, hands on his ears, trying to drown out the words coming out from his friend. He did not want to get back to reality if Baekhyun was not there. He did not want to be in the reality in which the accident did happen. It did not happen and you could not convince him that.
Baekhyun pried Chanyeol’s hands off, holding it gently in his, before pulling him into a hug “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Chanyeol mumbled in his ears. Tears streaming down, soaking his friend’s shirt back again. Baekhyun rubbed his friend’s back, slowly patted his hair like he was consoling a child. He knew, nothing should be sorry for. It was an accident. It happened.
“You know it’s no one’s fault. If it happened, it happened. It was short, my life. But I was glad that I met you, all of you. You make me believe there are still good people in this ugly world. I was glad for the day we first met. Looking into your eyes, and I know we are going to be together for a long time. But- “ it was cut short to this.
Baekhyun wiped the tears on his face, feeling the hug tighten around his waist.
“Thank you for being my friend, Chanyeol-ah. Thank you for taking care of me. But now, I want you to take care of yourself. And- this might sound selfish, but take care of them too. You know how Junmyeon hyung is. He always tried hard to keep everything for himself, but you know, he needs a shoulder to cry on too. And Minseok hyung, Jongdae and Kyungsoo, they always show that they are strong, but tell them they can cry every now and then too. And our cry babies, Lay hyung, Jonginnie, please hug them for me. And Sehun— please tell him I’m sorry I can’t keep that promise that we made.”
Baekhyun choked on his words. He was sobbing, hard. At this point, he did not know who was consoling who, but they hugged each other tight. He lost his words, thinking about how the world had become. The fate that came to this.
As time passed, when the turmoil of emotion had turned into quiet sniffle, Baekhyun spoke again.
“Promise me you live your life well. At least for me.”
No answer was heard. He could not see him but Baekhyun knew Chanyeol had heard him.
“Can’t I just go with you?”
.
Chanyeol stopped his car in the parking lot. There were not so many cars there as this was a weekday. Everyone was at their office, working their ass off. The weather was gloomy and so was his mood. There was a bouquet of flowers on the passenger seat. His hands were shaking on the steering wheel. He was sobbing, did not know how he still had tears to cry. This was not getting easier.
He lived as he promised, trying to fill the gap that had left behind, acting like he already accepted fate. He had taken care of everyone like he promised, trying to live like normal but he did not promise that he would not cry every night on his bed.
He came here every week, to Baekhyun. He did not know how many days passed since he came out of the coma, he did not count. He did not want to count. He only knew he wanted his friend back. He wanted to turn back time when they were all goofing around on stage, sweating their ass off in the practice room, watching movies and sleeping together at their dorm. He wanted him back. Can he have him back?