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A love Letter could take 100,000 words, and it still wouldn’t be enough to describe Langa Hasegawa.
I attempted it in my silent bedroom.
No noise, nothing.
But the words in my head wouldn’t come out as if they’d be forever stuck in my mind infinitely.
Dearest Langa
I threw the paper away before even really starting it. It was way too formal.
Who starts a letter with dearest? Who even writes Letters?Couldn’t it just be an SMS like: Hey, are you gay? Cause I like you.
I scoffed. It’s not correct. It’s wrong-
My Langa
also bullshit, already calling him mine before confessing anything. Before he even had a chance to answer.
It was a dumb 30th attempt today.
Yes, 30 while my Brain was still stuck on attempt number 22, where I began with
What’s up, Bro?
So it can’t really get worse than that.
I began to question how realistic all this was. He was like, way too good for me, wasn’t he?
I was spiralling again, like I had done so many times before.
It always went down the same path. 200 Love letters in total, not counting the ones where I only wrote a greeting and then trashed them.
Maybe I was wrong in the end, perhaps it wasn’t a crush, but if I didn’t have a Crush, I probably wouldn’t write 200 love letters.
Langa,
You know what would be the craziest thing?
Me having like a crush on you, right? That’d be wild.
Tell me-
Tell me how stupid and crazy that is, so I can think of something else.
I don’t have to stress myself if you just reject me.
I threw the letter in the trash once more, beginning to wonder how many trees I had probably killed by now.
I stood up and grabbed my Board.
I was done writing for today, I just needed some fresh air and to talk to someone.
Joe was my first choice.
He knew what to do, right?
He was always surrounded by women, so he should know how to do it…
The difference between us is that Joe actually looked good.
I finally arrived at Joe’s restaurant, walking around to try to find him. I wasn’t gonna wait for him to come out. I was way too stressed.
I made my way to the door of the kitchen and knocked.
After a few minutes, the Door opened.
“Hey, what’s up, Reki?”
“How does one write a love letter?” I immediately blurted out.
He frowned for a second before he began laughing.
“How about you go take a seat, I’ll be with you in a moment,” I nodded and made my way to one of the tables.
While waiting, I kept kicking my feet around nervously.
I didn’t even know what to tell Joe. I was truly a mess.
I looked at my phone Two missed Messages from Prince Langa
I put his name like that as a Joke.
Now it just felt like a punch in the gut.
“Hey Reki!”
“S tonight?”
He wasn’t a person who talked a lot over text, but I wasn’t better.
I just sent back a thumbs-up emoji and put down my phone.
Joe showed up and sat down across from me “So you want to write a Love letter to Langa?”
“huh? How did you?”
“You are very obvious, but don’t worry. Langa is pretty oblivious so I don’t think he caught up yet” I felt my cheeks burning up, they were probably the same shade of red as my hair by now.
“Why don’t you just write what you feel? It shouldn’t be hard,”
“I know, but I took at least 200 tries and, it’s just. I don’t wanna come across as weird, or too over the top, but also don’t want to be too nonchalant. It’s just so much- and…I don’t know.”
I put my head on the table. Obviously, he would think it’s easy.
“What do you like about him?”He then asked, I looked up, keeping my face on the table. “What is there not to like?”
“Adorable, but if you want this to work, you need to be more specific. Just writing ‘everything about you’ seems, how do I say this, like you don’t care to list off anything.”
He stood up and walked off, coming back again with a pen and paper.
“Just write down what you think, doesn’t have to be good.”
Langa,
I am feeling like I am going crazy here.
Because I have attempted too many times to write this damn letter.
I like you, it’s that simple, but it doesn’t feel so simple.
Because you are like perfect.
And I am like so no in your league.
I like your eyes, the way they always seem to sparkle when you get excited.
But even when you are not excited, when you are sad, they look so empty.
In such a beautiful, tragic way.
It makes me want to cheer you up again.
I love your hair, I love playing with it when I am bored and making these little braids that annoy you so much.
I remembered when you threatened you shave your head when I didn’t stop.
But you were just as upset when I did stop, so to this day, I still have no idea what you want.
I love seeing you skate, skating with you.
You look like the definition of an Angel, you look like you aren’t jumping.
You are practically flying with such grace that I can’t comprehend how.
Even after a long Skateboarding tour, you still look great.
Like, I will be all sweaty and disgusting.
And you, you still look perfect.
I like the way you eat, how you literally have so much appreciation for any type of food.
Even though trying to steal my ice cream is pretty uncool-
You are always so excited to learn new things, the happiness you get when you learned something you didn’t know it contagious.
“Now what’s wrong with this text?”
I sighed and reread it, “Not perfect enough-”
“You think he’ll care?” “I care,” I folded up the Paper and just tossed it aside.
“I don’t know…” I continued.Joe thought about it for a moment and then smirked, “Yeah, you are probably right?” I looked at him
“You are known to fail so, that’s not really different, is it?”
I got angry, clenching my fist.
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Not good enough…
But he, he had no right saying that.
“I’ll show you, you asshole” I stood up and grabbed my Board.
“Where are you going?” he asked
“To Langa,” I threw my Board to the ground and skated through the streets. I didn’t care about the pebbles that almost made me fall. Or the cars that were in my way.
I had to get to his house.
When I finally arrived, it was Nanako who opened the Door
“Hey, is Langa home?” I asked her
“I thought he was with you? He mentioned how he wanted to visit you.”
“What?”
I looked at my phone, he didn’t text me or anything.
What’s with the surprise visit?
“Okay, thank you,” I got back on the Board, going back home.
Why was he visiting? Just like that? No reason.
Did he think we would meet at my place and then go to S together?It’s hours before the gates opened.
With all the different kinds of thoughts, I arrived home, Langas Board was parked in front of it.
Someone else must have let him in.
I went inside and walked through the hallway, ignoring everyone who tried to talk to me.
As I entered the Room, Langa was sitting on my Bed, reading some papers.
It took me a moment to clog it.
It was the failed letters.
I tried to play it off, “Hey, Langa. Whatcha got there?”
He looked up at me, “Hey, I’m not sure. Joe gave me this?”I frowned “Joe?”
“Yeah, I was on the way to visit you and I was talking to Joe, he said you were at the restaurant, but when I showed up, you were already gone,”
“Oh?”
“yeah, and he gave me this. I can see it has my name on it, but I can barely read it. Your handwriting is not the best.” I scoffed
“And when I came here, there were more notes with my Name on it.”
“You are telling me I have been working weeks on a damn love letter and you can’t even read my handwriting.” I took the papers out of his hands before he could say anything. I continued.
I didn’t know why I continued.
“But ey, it wouldn’t have been good anyway. Because you are too fucking perfect to put it into words so maybe. I was worried for nothing and nothing at all.
I am just an Idiot a damn lovesick Idiot okay? And…”
He didn’t say anything, just looking at me
“You are like…so beautiful and an amazing skater. You are kind, and sweet, but that doesn’t stop you from biting back, you know? Like when people asked me to describe my dream girl in the past, I basically described you without knowing you back then. So maybe it was just destiny.
And maybe I am a huge idiot.”
I grabbed the letter Joe had given him and started reading, it’s like.
If I stop talking now, he will have to respond. I am scared of his response, so I would just keep talking.
Keep talking so he doesn’t have the chance to reject me.
“And lastly! I said as I finished reading the letter to him,”
“Reki!”
He finally interrupted me, I stopped talking and waited.
It felt like a terrible long wait, but I waited.
He stood up, took my hand, and pulled me into a hug.
I leaned my head against his shoulder “Say anything…” I mumbled
“You’re a dork,” he said
I pulled back and punched him
“Ouch.”
“That’s all you have to say!”
He took my hands again “I am sorry, Reki, I am just not so sure how to react.”
He paused again before finding the right words
“You know, I actually thought. You were kind of out of my league.”
“You kidding?”
“No, obviously not, like everybody loves you. You are always positive and brighten everyone’s day. The only person on earth that doesn’t like you is Adam, and he barely counts as a human.”
“so…like ahm…would you? Is there a possibility- I wanna ask you,” he waited for me to finish my sentence.
“You wanna go on a Date?” I finally asked. Not the one I was going for.
It was more a ‘Will you be my boyfriend’ thing, but…maybe steps
“I would love to, what were you thinking about?” he asked
He would love to, I felt how I was burning up red again, and my mind went blank.
“Ahm- Skateboarding?”
He chuckled, “Sure- a skateboarding date it is then.”