Chapter Text
Episode 1: Not So Happy Campers - Part 1
The scene faded into a wooden dock before a man popped onto camera from below. He was in his late twenties with well-styled hair and a stubble.
"Yo!" the man greeted. "We're comin' at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario! I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now!"
The camera switched to a shot of Chris McLean walking down the dock, continuing his explanation of the show. "Here's the deal: twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp." He reached the end of the dock, stopping next to a sign with the camp's name on it, and appeared to be quite happy with the apparently low quality of Camp Wawanakwa. "They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers."
"Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the 'Dock of Shame', take a ride on the 'Loser Boat'," Chris chuckled for a second as a signboard showing a picture of the boat dropped down on ropes, "and leave 'Total Drama Island' for good." The signboard was quickly raised as the camera switched to a different part of the camp.
The new scene was of a clearing surrounded by large rocks. In the center was a fire pit, with a group of eleven stumps to serve as seating located towards the rocks. To the right was the entrance to the clearing, with a tall wooden entrance and an upright metal oil drum. There appeared to be a second entrance, a staircase carved into the stone in the foreground. "Their fate will be decided here," Chris popped back into view, "at the dramatic Campfire Ceremonies," the camera zoomed in on the campfire, and zoomed out to show Chris approaching from the right, "where each week, all but one camper will receive...a marshmallow." The shot changed to a close-up of untoasted marshmallows on sticks, lying on top of the metal drum-turned-podium. Chris picked one up and ate it. "In the end, only one will be left standing, and will be rewarded," he produced a number of magazines that all had the same issue with his own face on the cover, "with cheesy tabloid fame. And!" Chris dropped the magazines off-camera, and held up a prop treasure chest filled with gold coins and other miscellaneous valuables. "A small fortune which, let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week!"
"To survive, they'll have to battle black flies," the shot switched to a swarm of insects being swiped at by a bear, "grizzly bears," the same bear, now roaring menacingly at the camera, "disgusting camp food," a bowl of what appeared to be some sort of insect larvae suddenly said “Hey now!”, "and, each other." A close-up of Chris McLean, the smiling host once again at the edge of the dock.
The camera faded to more shots of camp, beginning with a picture of a bird feeding its hatchlings; in the nest was an obvious camera, pointed at the parent bird. "Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras," an out-of-place totem pole with another camera duct-taped haphazardly to the top, "situated all over the camp." The scene changed back to Chris at the dock. "Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now, on," the point-of-view changed to a spot further back, and did so again to punctuate each of the host's last three words. "Total! Drama! Island!"
(Theme Song)
"Welcome back to Total Drama Island!" Chris said. "Alright! It's time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort, so if they seem a little TO'd, that's probably why."
A boat pulled up and released the first contestant, who ran up to Chris. "Beth! What's up?" Chris greeted her.
"It's so incredulous to meet you!" Beth lisped as she hugged the host. She dropped after a second, and didn't notice the man brush off his shirt. "Wow, you're much shorter in real life." She waved at the camera.
"Uhh...thanks," Chris said. The next person to arrive was Rodney. "Rodney! What's up?" he greeted.
"Nothing much. Hey, are you sure this is the right place?" Rodney wondered.
"This is it. Camp Wawanakwa!" Chris emphasized.
"I know I saw a hot tub somewhere on the application form," Rodney muttered to himself and stood next to Beth.
"Hey, Jo!" Chris called to the next contestant.
"Wait, this dump is where we're staying?" Jo asked incredulously.
"No, you're staying here," Chris replied. "My crib is an Airstream with A/C thataway."
Jo snorted. "Figured you'd dupe us like this, but it's not like it'll slow me down."
"Yeah," Chris held a stack of papers, "I was lying about where you were staying." Jo took the stack and threw it into the water. "The great thing about lawyers is," he pulled out an extra stack, "they make lots of copies."
"Of course they do," Jo grumbled.
The next boat showed Shawn looking paranoid. When the boat stopped, he took a leap off the bow of the ship, doing a complete flip before landing in a crouch on the edge of the dock. "Hey man, you seen any zombies around here lately?” he hastily asked the host.
"Shawn!" Chris greeted. "Welcome to the island, man!"
"Hello, but what about my question?" Shawn pondered on.
"I'm pretty sure zombies don't exist, Shawn of the Dead," Jo said, crossing her arms.
"You never know,” Shawn ignored her. He then looked around and said "Zombies can't swim, so we should be safe. But we still shouldn't be out in the open like this."
"Hey everyone!" Chris called. "It's Lindsay!"
The blonde girl stepped off the boat and got on the dock. "Hi," Lindsay greeted the host. "Okay, you look so familiar."
"I'm Chris McLean." Lindsay was still stumped, so Chris emphasized it. "The host of the show."
"Oh that's where I know you from," Lindsay said cluelessly.
Chris was unamused. "Uh, yeah."
The sixth camper, Heather, arrived wearing sunglasses. In the reflection of them, the nervous looks of Beth, Rodney, and Lindsay could be seen, as could Jo's look of indifference.
"Heather!" Chris greeted as the contestant stomped past with her sunglasses taken off.
Beth ran up to Heather. "Hi! Looks like we're your new friends for the next eight weeks!" she introduced, oblivious to the fact that Heather was grossed out by her spitting.
Both were startled by a loud heavy metal music playing out of a boombox. With one foot on the boombox, Duncan was shown arriving. When the boat stopped, he threw his duffle bag down and jumped onto the dock.
"Duncan, dude," Chris smiled at the boy.
"I don't like surprises," Duncan said threateningly, holding up a fist.
"Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you return to juvie," Chris explained with a smirk.
"Okay then," Duncan sniffed with a smirk and walked past Heather. "Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous," he flirted.
"Drop dead, you skeeze!" Heather exclaimed angrily and marched to the other end of the dock. "I'm calling my parents! You cannot make me stay here!”
In response, Chris just held up another stack of paper.
The sound of the ship's horn was heard. Trailing behind the vehicle on water skis was the next contestant. "Ladies and gentlemen, Lightning!" Chris announced as the contestant was towed closer to the dock.
In one fluid move, Lightning jumped from water to wood, and struck a pose. "YEAH!" he crowed, kissing his biceps and catching a duffel bag tossed from the ship. “Lightning is here to win, and nobody's gonna get in my way!" He then struck a pose. "Sha-BAM!”
Both Jo and Heather narrowed their eyes at him, who didn't appear to notice.
Chris then hears loud breathing and turns to the next contestant peering over Chris himself. "Welcome to camp, Harold."
Harold didn't say anything and continued to look around, leading Beth to ask "What's he looking at?"
"So you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp and not on some big stage or something?" Harold asked.
"You got it," Chris confirmed.
"Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills!" Harold cheered to himself and moved ahead with his luggage, Chris wincing a bit.
"Contestant number ten is Mike," Chris introduced the next contestant.
"Hi!" Mike said, extending a hand. "You did amazing on that figure skating show."
"Thanks man. I knew I rocked that!" Chris accepted the handshake.
"I saw that!" Beth whispered to the other campers. "One of the guys dropped his partner on her head. Though they got immunity that week."
"Lucky! I hope I get dropped on my head," Harold said.
“Me too!” Lindsay agreed.
"So this is it?" Mike asked upon seeing the others, including a nose-picking Harold. "Alright," he said and walked to join them.
The next camper to arrive humming a harmonic tune was Ella, a flock of birds following her. "Why hello there!" she greeted the host happily.
"Alright!" Chris began his introduction. "Our singing chick, Ella, is here!"
"What's with the birds following you, Snow White?" Jo taunted. "Did you think we were going to be in theater camp?"
"I was singing to pass the time, and my voice must've attracted them to me," Ella answered. "Also, I believed that we would be on a beach.”
"We are!" Chris said as the camera cut to a shot of a seagull on one of the camp's garbage-infested beaches.
Ella was disturbed by the sighting, but remained positive. "It's not what I expected, but there's nothing that can't be made sweeter with a song!"
"Okay. You love to sing. We get it," Heather interrupted rudely. "Can we get on with the show please?"
"Someone miss their double cappuccino macchiato this morning?" Duncan mocked.
"Get bent," Heather bit back.
Ella went up to join the contestants. She smiled at Mike, who gave a small smile back.
"Alright! That makes the first half of the cast," Chris said. "Now we get to the last 11 players."
Noah was dropped off next. "Our next camper is Noah!" Chris announced.
"You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?" Noah asked.
"I'm sure someone did," Chris responded.
"Good. Is this where we're staying?" Noah deadpanned.
"No, it's your mother's house, and we're throwing a party," Duncan sarcastically commented while cracking his knuckles.
"Cute. Nice piercings, original. Do them yourself?" Noah asks with pessimism.
Duncan then grabs Noah's lip angrily. "Yeah, you want one?"
"No thanks. Can I have my lip back please?" Noah asked, making Duncan let go of his lip. "Thanks.”
As Chris watched the exchange, he completely missed the next arrival until she tapped on his shoulder. "Gah!" Chris started, whipping around to see who had surprised him. "Oh. Right. Dawn." Chris said, his introduction tinged with annoyance.
"Greetings!" Dawn replied. "You may want to schedule an appointment with a therapist. I can tell you have a lot of unresolved childhood issues."
"Just...just go stand with the other campers, okay?" Chris ordered uncomfortably, and the moonchild did as instructed, not noticing the odd looks several campers gave her.
The next boat came and dropped off Katie and Sadie, the former being tanned and skinny and the latter being white and chubby.
"Ladies!" Chris greeted as he approached the pair. "Sadie, Katie! Welcome to your new home for eight weeks!"
"Oh my gosh. Sadie look, it's a summer camp," Katie pointed to the campgrounds, oblivious to how nasty they looked.
"Okay, I've always wanted to go to summer camp!" Sadie perkily exclaimed before they grabbed their luggage and ran to the cast.
The next camper to be dropped off was Ezekiel. "Ezekiel!" Chris said, extending a hand for a high five. "What's up, man?"
Ezekiel looked up. "I think I see a bird." A few of the other contestants chuckled at his obliviousness.
Chris put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Look, dude. I know you don't get out much," he counseled. "Been homeschooled your whole life," Ezekiel nodded happily, "raised by freaky prairie people. Just don't say much, and try not to get kicked off too early. Okay?"
"Yes, sir!" Ezekiel answered, walking awkwardly to join his fellow campers.
“Uhh… yeah wow!” Shawn remarked.
The next person who arrived was Cody.
"Cody!" Chris greeted. "The Codester! The Codemeister!" The two exchanged a few friendly points and a high five before the geek went on his way.
"Dude, psyched to be here, man. I see the ladies have already arrived. Alright," Cody said happily, looking around at the girls and passing them.
He then turned back to say something to Dawn, but Dawn beat him to it. "It's nice to see you too."
The next camper to get off the boat was Eva. "Eva. Nice. Glad you could make it," Chris said.
Eva walked up to the cast and dropped her bag onto Cody's foot, who winced and grabbed his foot out. "What's in there? Dumbbells?"
"Yes," Eva monotonously answered.
"She's all yours, man," Duncan said to Rodney.
Chris was startled by the next contestant. "Woohoo! Chris! What's happenin'?!" Owen laughed. "This is awesome! Woohoo!"
"Owen! Welcome!" Chris introduced him.
Owen grabbed Chris into a hug, which suffocated him a little. "Awesome to be here, man! Yeah! Man, this is just so…”
"Awesome?" Jo said with an annoyed look.
"Yes! Awesome! Whoooo!" Owen cheered. "Are you gonna be on my team?"
"I hope so, Lardball," Jo replied dryly, and Owen let out a loud whoop.
"You about finished?" Chris asked in annoyance.
"Sorry, dude. I'm just so psyched!" Owen apologized.
"And here comes Courtney," Chris introduced as Courtney showed up in the next boat waving to the other campers. Chris then helped her down from the boat.
"Thank you,” Courtney told the host. “Hi. You must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all."
"How's it going? I'm Owen," Owen happily ran up to Courtney and shook her hand.
"Nice to meet you Owen," Courtney said happily.
The next contestant on the upcoming boat had arrived. "This is Brick," Chris told the contestants. "Welcome to Total Drama Island."
"Brick MacArthur, reporting for duty!" Brick said assertively to the host with a salute.
"As you were!" Chris saluted to the cadet as he passed by.
"Cool dog tags," Owen eyed Brick's own possession.
"They belonged to my father, but now they're in my possession," Brick said.
"Hey everyone. Sky!" Chris announced the final camper.
The boat stopped at the dock, and instead of stepping down, Sky jumped up and did a flip mid-air before landing on her feet. Most of the other campers looked impressed, Cody moreso than the others.
"I can see that you lied to me by having me stay here instead of a resort," Sky told Chris and took a look at the other contestants. "You guys are likely the people I'll be competing against."
"That flip was really impressive," Cody said.
"Thanks," Sky replied. "I’ve been practicing."
"First thing's first!" Chris explained. "We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone on the end of the dock!" The campers did as instructed. He took out a camera and jumped up to a ship.
The teens arranged themselves into three loose rows facing the camera. At the very center of the group was Owen. To Owen's right, Lightning had Owen’s hand on his shoulder, Eva was crossing her arms and frowning, Jo had her hands on her hips and grinned, and Lindsay was waving for the camera. To Owen's left, Noah was being held by Owen’s arm, Mike had his elbow leaning on Noah's arm, Ella was holding two birds, and Cody was kneeling on one leg and giving two peace signs.
The front row had Katie and Sadie leaning against each other in the middle. To Katie's right, Dawn, Sky, and Courtney were all lounging and looking at the camera happily. To Sadie's left, Ezekiel and Beth were sitting side by side.
The last six campers stood in the back row. Rodney had a confident smile. Duncan and Shawn were standing on Owen's back. Harold and Brick simply stood still and smiled. And finally, Heather was posing for the camera.
"Okay!" Chris called out. "One! Two! Thre- oops! Okay, forgot the lens cap! Okay, hold that pose! One, tw- Oh! No wait! Card's full! Hang on..."
"Hurry up already!" Jo demanded.
"Got it!" Chris announced. "Okay! Everyone say, Wawanakwa!"
"Wawanakwa!" they cried out before the dock cracked and they all fell into the lake. Humorously, Chris had managed to take pictures of them struggling.
"Okay guys, dry off and meet at the campfire pit in ten!" Chris said.
(Commercial Break)
Chris was standing at the campfire pit and looking at the twenty-two campers. Katie, Sadie, Ezekiel, Shawn, and Jo sat on the front row of stumps with Rodney, Beth, and Heather standing amongst them. The back row of seats were taken by Courtney, Dawn, Mike, Lindsay, Sky, and Cody. The rest of the campers – Lightning, Noah, Harold, Duncan, Eva, Ella, Brick, and Owen – stood behind the stumps.
"This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks!" Chris began. "The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. You dig? The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win one-hundred-thousand dollars!"
"Excuse me?" Duncan asked. "What will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her," he said with a look towards Heather.
"They're not co-ed, are they?" Heather added.
"No!" Chris answered. "Girls get one side of each cabin, and dudes get the other."
"Excuse me, Kyle?" Lindsay interrupted. "Can I have a cabin with the lake view since I'm the prettiest?"
"Sorry," Chris said, "but that's not really how it works here, and it's Chris."
"I have to live with Sadie or I'll die," Katie said as she held her BFF's hand.
"And I'll break out in hives. It's true," Sadie confirmed as well.
"Can we just get started already?" Jo grumbled.
"Aww, c'mon guys! It'll be fun! It's like a big sleepover!" Owen encouraged everyone while hugging Shawn and Jo.
"You won't have to sleep next to that guy over there," Shawn whispered to Jo and they looked at Duncan giving a deer a noogie. This caused the two to be disturbed.
"Here's the deal!" Chris said. "We're gonna split you into two teams. If I call your name out, go stand over there."
"Sky, Lightning, Heather, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, Katie, Owen, Jo, Brick, and Noah!" Chris tossed a banner at Owen. "From this moment on, you are officially known as the Screaming Gophers!"
Owen looked down at the banner and smiled. "Yeah! I'm a gopher!"
"Wait. What about Sadie?" Katie said as she realized that Sadie wasn't on her team.
"The rest of you, over here!" Chris told the remaining campers. "Mike, Ella, Rodney, Shawn, Sadie, Dawn, Courtney, Ezekiel, Duncan, Eva, and Harold!" he listed. "Move! Move move move!"
"But Katie's a Gopher! I have to be a Gopher!" Sadie begged loudly.
Courtney grabbed her arm and dragged her to the team. "Sadie, is it? Come on. It'll be okay."
Sadie was still crying to her friend. "This is so unfair! I miss you, Katie!"
Katie wept out a few tears before yelling back "I miss you too!"
Chris threw a banner at Harold. "You guys will officially be known as the Killer Bass!"
"Awesome! It's like…amazing," Harold said.
"Alright, campers!" Chris said. "You and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition."
Confessional: Chris
"You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries anytime you want. Let the audience know what you're really thinking," Chris said. "Or, just get something off your chest!"
Confessional: Dawn
Dawn looked around the small room. "I feel like this would be the perfect place to meditate, disregarding all health hazards."
Confessional: Lindsay
"I don't get it. Where's the camera guy?" Lindsay pondered while facing the opposite direction.
Confessional: Loon
Strangely, a loon was simply applying pink lipstick to the end of its bill.
Confessional: Owen
"Hey, everyone. Check this out. I have something very important to say," Owen started his first confessional seriously…only to release a fart and laugh afterward.
Confessionals End
After the confessionals were done, the camera was now back on Chris. "Alright! Any questions? Cool! Let's find your cabins!"
The scene changed to a shot of two cabins. "Gophers, you're in the east cabin, and Bass, you're in the west," Chris informed them.
Heather was the first to enter her cabin. "Bunk beds? Isn’t this a little… summer camp?"
"How’d you guess, Queen Bee?" Jo rudely replied as she bumped into her.
"Shut up, sweatpants girl," Heather said angrily as Lindsay entered.
"You’re so smart," Cody told Jo as he entered the cabin. "I feel that."
Jo glared at the geek. "Shouldn't you be on the boys' side, Tadpole?"
A few seconds later, Cody was flung outside, and he landed on the grass next to Lightning, who chose to ignore him and walk to his cabin.
"Where are the outlets?" Lindsay asked. "I have to plug in my straightening iron."
"There are some in the communal bathrooms, just across the way," Chris referenced to a bathroom building.
"Communal bathrooms? But I'm not Catholic," Lindsay said, confused.
"It means we shower together," Sky came over to let her know.
Lindsay was sad about what she just heard. "Aww, no! C'mon!" she moaned.
Lightning, Noah, and Owen were watching the commotion in their cabin.
"I'm glad we're in our own cabin with just guys! Know what I mean?" Owen told the two, who quickly went back inside. "I mean, no! I didn't mean it like that! I love chicks! I just don't want to sleep near them! I mean…”
"No way am I sleeping in a cabin with a bunch of other people!” Shawn told Ezekiel as they stopped in front of their cabin. “I'll keep all my non-essential stuff in here, but I'm not gonna leave myself open to a zombie attack by sleeping indoors."
Ezekiel had a look of confusion. "So where are you going to sleep?"
"In a tree, obviously," Shawn answered, stepping out into the common area and looking at the forest. "I mean, everyone knows that zombies can't climb."
"Excuse me, Chris?" Mike asked as Ella was entering the girls' side of the Bass cabin. "Is there a chaperone here?"
"You're all sixteen years old," Chris said. "As old as a counselor-in-training at a regular summer camp!" He shrugged. "So, other than myself, you'll be unsupervised. You've got a half-an-hour to unpack and meet me at the Main Lodge! Starting..." he looked at his watch, "Now!"
“Okay,” Mike smiled.
A shriek was heard, and Shawn, Sky, Rodney, Harold, Duncan, Heather, and Lightning peered inside the girls' side of the Gophers’ cabin.
"Dang, that girl can scream," Lightning said as the camera switched to show Lindsay standing on a stool away from a cockroach.
"What is it? Kill it! Kill it!" Lindsay shouted.
The cockroach scurried around the room, and the campers were screaming and trying to dodge the small creature.
The only one that was not scared was Duncan, who lifted an axe over his head ready to kill it.
"Help me!" the cockroach somehow yelped.
"Don't!" Dawn cried, quickly darting between the other campers and scooping up the cockroach just before Duncan's axe sliced it in half. The commotion stopped once the teens realized the roach had disappeared.
"It's okay, little one," Dawn whispered to the insect cupped in her hands. "I know you meant no harm. I'll take you somewhere safer, okay?" The blonde, oblivious to the looks she was getting, left the cabin.
"That was strange," Harold said, breaking the awkward silence.
Ezekiel went up to Lindsay. "If you ever see one of those things again, just let me know and I’ll protect you from it,” he said, and the two shared a smile while a romantic tune played.
"What do you know," Duncan remarked. "She's actually going for the sheltered guy."
The scene cut to the campers in the Mess Hall listening to Chef. "Listen up! I serve it three times a day, and you will eat it three times a day! Grab your tray, get your food, and sit your butts down NOW!"
"Excuse me," Beth said from the front of the line. "Will we be getting all the major food groups?"
Chef put a scoop of meat-like substance onto a bun on Beth's tray, and Beth and Harold took their trays.
"Yeah, cause I get hypoglycemic real bad if I don't get enough sugar," Harold added, causing Chef's eye to twitch.
"You'll get a whole lot of SHUT THE HECK UP!" Chef yelled, and the two at the front backed away.
"Have a cow," Owen smiled at Noah.
"What was that? Come closer, fat boy!" Chef called out. "I didn't hear you."
"Uh, I didn't really say anything important!" Owen panicked, taking his food and leaving.
"I'm sure you didn't," Chef glared as Noah stepped forward and grabbed a tray of food. "You! Scrawny kid! Gimme your plate!" Noah allowed the cook to slap another scoop of the meat onto his plate. It somehow clung back to the scoop, and Chef had to throw it down again.
"You must be Eva," Ella talked to Eva as they were the next two in line. "How are you feeling today?"
Eva didn't respond as she took her tray and left Ella alone.
"Okay then," Ella frowned.
"NEXT!" Chef yelled.
Lindsay and Sky were next in line. "Excuse me. My nutritionist says I shouldn't eat any white sugar, white flour, or like, dairy," Lindsay said.
"My health trainer said the same thing, but I don't think that will be a problem for now," Sky told her as Chef caught and killed a fly with one hand.
"Cool!" Lindsay said happily and left.
Sky turned to Chef. "Sorry, but I think mine just moved." Chef smashed the food with a hammer, splattering both of them. "Um, thanks," Sky took her tray and left.
The campers were now eating, though one of the meat-like-substances crawled on the floor.
Chris entered the room. "Welcome to the Main Lodge!" he announced.
"Could we have something else instead?" Mike asked. A cleaver flew through the air and hit the wall.
"Never mind," Mike quickly told Chef. "I was just joking, right?"
The other campers nodded nervously.
"Your first challenge begins in one hour!" Chris announced and exited.
"What do you think they’ll make us do?" Sadie asked.
"This is our first challenge," Rodney answered next to her. "How hard can it be?"
The scene cut to the top of a cliff. The campers were standing in their swimsuits and looking over the edge.
"Oh, (BLEEP)!" Rodney said.
(Roll the Credits)
Killer Bass: Courtney, Dawn, Duncan, Ella, Eva, Ezekiel, Harold, Mike, Rodney, Sadie, Shawn
Screaming Gophers: Beth, Brick, Cody, Heather, Jo, Katie, Lightning, Lindsay, Noah, Owen, Sky
