Work Text:
*Camera comes into focus, someone adjusts it till it focuses. It reveals a teenage girl with short braided brown hair with a red streak and green eyes. They’re holding a microphone.*
“Hi! This is The Algebraic Hamster, reporting from the field with this special report from the Hermitcraft server as they celebrate the end of Hermit a Day May 2025. If you look behind me, *Camera pans round to show a bunch of the Hermits on a bouncy castle* the party is already in full swing. We’re going to have a chat with one of our Hermits here. *Joel walks past and is grabbed by Hamster* Excuse me, Smallishbeans, how have you found this year's Hermit a Day May?”
“Go away, I’m going to play Frogger.” *Joel huffs and walks away.*
“But sir!” *Hamster sighs* “Maybe the next people will be kind enough for an interview. Excuse me you guys, *Walks over to where the Zits crew are chatting and offers Zedaph the mic* Could you tell us how you’ve found this month?"
“Of course!” *Zed takes the mic* It’s been a tonne of fun! Me and Tango made cake, we all had a sleepover, it’s been a pretty great month!”
*Tango snatches the mic off him* “I mean, apart from Grian and Scar breaking both my skadoodlificator and my mushroom shop and my Teknicians trying to roast me alive, it’s been great.” *Goes to hand the mic back to Zed but Hamster stops him.*
“And is it true that a very close non-hermit friend of yours also participated?” *Tango’s face turns a little red and Skizz and Impulse elbow each other grinning.*
“Yeah he did, hang on, let me get him, JIMMY!” *He hands the mic to Hamster and runs towards the bouncy castle. Hamster hands the mic to Impulse* “And how have you found it, Mr SV?”
“Oh, Impulse is fine, it’s been great! I got a bit caught up with maintenance and stuff at the beginning but fortunately my friends pulled me out of that, * he nudges Skizz playfully in the ribs* and then yeah, after that it was great!”
“And what about you Skizz?” *Skizz takes the mic from Impulse*
“It’s been fantastic!” *Skizz beams into the camera* “This is my second year as a Hermit participating in this event and I’ve loved every bit of it, all the ups and downs, and of course I have to thank my dog Kevin Bubbles for helping me through a rough patch.”
“That’s lovely of your dog. Well, it’s been lovely to hear from you all, have a great rest of your day!” *The three wave goodbye and Hamster walks away. The camera follows.* We’ve got some more hermits here we can talk to. *walks over to where Grian, Mumbo and Scar are grabbing some food off the barbecue table* Hi, sorry gentlemen, could I have a moment of your time?”
“Certainly. *Mumbo puts down his burger* What would you like to speak to us about?”
“If you could sum up the Hermit a Day May experience in 3 words what would it be?” *Hamster hands Mumbo the mic.*
“Ooh, three words, that’s hard, I’d say chaotic, exciting and enjoyable.” *He hands the mic to Grian, who’s trying to stuff three hotdogs in his mouth at the same time.*
“I’d say crazy, terrifying and fun.” *Grian’s response is a little garbled around the mouthful of hotdog. He shoves the mic to Scar and goes to get more potato salad.*
*Scar takes the mic* “I’d go with, scary, annoying and thrilling. I mean, that giant mushroom thing was terrifying but also kind of fun.”
*There is the sound of Grian choking on his hotdogs and the camera pans round to him. He grabs the microphone* “Fun?! Scar that was the scariest thing that ever happened to me!”
“It was fun!” *Scar and Grian start to squabble. Mumbo apologetically returns the mic to Hamster, who merely smiles and waves as she walks away. The camera rolls with her* “This has been regarded as one of the biggest events in the history of Hermitcraft, and we got a chat with the admin Xisumavoid off-camera earlier before he had to head off to an admin meeting. To paraphrase, he said that overall he had enjoyed the experience and that he thought it would be a good learning experience for all the hermits. We also tried to speak to Docm77 earlier, but he refused to comment, walking off and muttering something about a frock and a goatherd. We have yet to decipher what this means and - oh, hang on. *Someone is yelling at them. Hamster looks round to see Tango running towards her with someone trailing behind, holding Tango’s hand.*
“I got Jimmy!” *Tango takes the mic and hands it to Jimmy* She wants to interview you, songbird!”
“Tango, we discussed, no pet names in public! *Jimmy glares at him* We talked about this! Sorry about that.” *He waves his hands apologetically.*
“No problem, it's quite sweet actually. *Hamster shakes her head and Tango giggles.* I just wanted to afk how you've found this event as a non hermit.”
“Oh, it's been amazing! I've loved it! I didn't actually mean to come here, but I've enjoyed my whole time here! It was such a lovely surprise to realise I'd fallen through a portal into my soulmate’s world.” *He hand the mic back to Hamster.*
“Oh so you two are soulmates then?” *She hands the mic back to Jimmy and he blushes and nods* that's really nice! Well I'll leave you two to whatever you were doing.”
*She takes the mic and leaves. They bid her goodbye but the camera stays long enough to see Jimmy start to argue with Tango* “We had a chat about this earlier, we don't get all mushy in public!” “Oh it's fine, stop being such a party-pooper!”
“Well we have time for one more interview, *Hamster walks over to Etho and Gem who are playing a game of TCG around a table* Sorry to interrupt you two, but could I grab a quick interview with the pair of you?”
*Gem takes the mic* “Yeah, sure, what's your question?”
“Could you tell me a highlight from this month?”
“A highlight, let's see.” *Gem thinks for a moment.* “When I made a new friend with one of my armour stands, Piper. We're great buddies now, even if there was a little misunderstanding to begin with.”
“That's lovely! *Hamster takes the microphone and passes it to Etho* And what about you?”
“When me, Joel and Skizz pranked Tango with a massive Eefo statue.” *Etho nods and chuckles at the memory.* We all piled into a small polystyrene statue and each hermit we pranked had to join us. We finished with something like half the server squashed in that tiny box.”
“That sounds like fun, *Hamster takes back the mic* Well, thanks for your time, I'll let you get back to your TCG game.” *She leaves and walks away. Gem and Etho can be seen waving at the camera as it pans back round.*
“I think we can say it's been a very interesting month. There were reports of an alien invasion in Holmdel and that Zombie Cleo managed to summon a demon, as well as a heart warming tribute to the late and great TFC. It's been a truly spectacular May, and of course we have to give special thanks to the amazing people who read the stories from this month. I'll sign off here with one last big thank you to the Hermit A Day May team for making this a thing and to the hermits themselves for being so fantastic.”
“This is The Algebraic Hamster, signing off.”
*Hamster smiles at the camera. The broadcast ends with a click.*