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Junhui was standing tall, despite the storm raging around him. Tousled by the wind, his hair kept getting stuck in his mouth, bringing a salty taste to his lips. Junhui wasn’t sure if it was because of the seawater splattering just below his feet, or because of his tears. The thin cloak was wrapping around him poorly, providing little coverage.
“Is this what you want?” He shouted at the sea. The roar of the storm drowned out his voice. “Do you want me back so badly?” The waves were as dark and wild as before, and Junhui took that for an answer.
For a second, it was so easy to close his eyes and imagine that nothing is wrong, that the storm will pass and bring Seungcheol back from the sea. But then another gust of wind hit his back, and he stumbled, almost falling forward.
Seungcheol swore to never go back, to never sail again. Yet, he had to break the only promise Junhui had him make. He didn’t know the reason, he just hoped it was worth what Junhui was about to do. Feeling bile rise in his throat, Junhui corrected himself. It was not the cause that mattered. It was Seungcheol that mattered. Seungcheol was worth it, he was worth everything.
Reluctantly, Junhui slipped off his boots, and let the cloak slip to the rocks below him. Rough surface of the cliff almost hurt his feet. For the smallest while, he shivered with cold, but then he straightened his back more, and relaxed his shoulders, letting his true nature take the better of him. The more he got covered in water, the less cold he felt. It was like returning home. It really was.
“You belong to me,” he heard the sea roar. It was a grand voice, one that he didn’t allow himself to hear for ages. Powerful, as old as the world itself, but also ageless, genderless, endless. It was as if he heard it with his heart directly, ears playing no role.
“I belong to the land now,” Junhui lied shamelessly. The sea laughed. He felt small.
“This human, I have him in my grip. Him and his little wooden shell, resistance is of no use.” Junhui wanted to be brave, but he let a sob almost break him in half.
His hair got thrown back and forth, as he stayed curled down. It was all worth it, he convinced himself. Getting used to the burning pain in his legs. Abandoning everyone and everything he knew. The blinding pain of air entering his newly acquired lungs. It was all worth it.
At first it was hard to believe his own words, even if he knew them to be true, but then he found it in himself to remember Seungcheol’s warm laughter, Seungcheol’s eyes when he smiled, Seungcheol’s hands and how they fit in his, the entire Seungcheol himself and how infinitely happy they made each other. It was worth it. It was always worth it.
“Your brethren missed you,” the sea roared again, but he didn’t find it in him to be afraid anymore. Before he stood up again, he grabbed a handful of pebbles from between two larger rocks, and stuffed them into his pockets. It’s something humans did, right?
The words almost touched him, though. His family, his brothers and sisters, all with equally sharp faces and glistening tails. He didn’t see them for almost a decade, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss them. But the choice was made long ago, and he had almost a decade to get over it, and he did.
“Tell them I’m coming back.” He whispered hopefully. There was no use shouting. The sea was everywhere, the sea could hear him.
“You know what happens to the traitors, to those, who leave.” Junhui nodded despite himself, and fiddled with the stones in his pockets. “There is no place in all of the oceans for those who fell in love with the land.”
“I don’t care if I live.” Junhui spat out before he could stop himself. The waves crashing sounded almost like a cruel laughter. Again.
“You will let him live.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t an order. The bargain was obvious, for there were limits even to what sea could do. The waves crashed harder, and this time Junhui knew for sure it was an answer.
As the last whim of his own, free will, Junhui turned around, and stepped back, until the edge of his heel hit the edge of the cliff, until there was nothing between him and the roaring abyss below him other than thin air. And then he stepped back again, eyes closed.
As soon as the surface of the water closed over his forward stretched hands, the waves calmed down, and soon the lull spread through the entire sea.
For a while, the seafoam grew thicker by the cliff, and then it spread evenly through the whole entire shore, washing up rugged clothes, pockets full of stones. A man found them, after dragging himself through the entire beach, found them as well as the cloak and the boots.
Later, when drunkenly crying over his lover, whose body was never found, he would swear he heard the seafoam whisper “it was worth it” with the voice of the man he lost.