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Right after their initial breakthrough, Viktor inadvertently omits one significant factor in the equation that holds his partnership with Jayce. He only understands it six months after. He had not paid attention to it in the moment, after all. When Jayce had grabbed him before they fell down, when he had squeezed Viktor so tightly against himself and let himself be the one to take the full brunt of the fall, Viktor had been grateful and had thanked him. Of course, there was still lingering pain from the exertions of the day, but it was lesser than it would no doubt have been had he hit the floor itself.
Jayce’s words afterwards, when Councilor Medarda and Dean Heimerdinger had given them some time to breathe, had not fully registered in Viktor’s mind. He had been reeling from the experience, wondering how they could recreate this and more, when Jayce’s hands had fallen on his shoulders.
“We did it,” Jayce had said, as if he had not said that a hundred times already. Viktor was a little drunk on both the adrenaline of the day and the few drinks he had had. Alcohol did not mix well with his medication in general. “Viktor, we did it!”
Viktor had laughed then. “Yes, I am aware Jayce.”
A second later, he had been enveloped in a tight hug once more. Jayce was warm, a real furnace, and it was such a contrast to the usual chill of Viktor’s own body that he had let himself melt into it. Then, Jayce had done something that should have given Viktor a hint but that he had dismissed in the haziness of the moment. Jayce had pressed his forehead to Viktor’s.
“You’ll be my partner, right? I can’t do this without you.”
And Viktor, whose mind was already full of calculation and potential, who had had a taste of what could be accomplished when Jayce and himself worked together, had answered yes, as easily as breathing.
So. Six months later, Viktor finds himself in quite a pickle. And it’s not even him who realizes that he misunderstood something fundamental, which is maybe more why he is upset than just his own idiocy. It happens like this: a friend of his from Zaun comes to visit.
It’s Jayce who opens the door, Viktor only turning his head when his greeting is met by silence. At the door, a gaunt, green-haired person is chewing on a gum, blowing bubbles every few seconds. Their eyes match their hair pretty well, which Viktor can tell must have cost them a small fortune down in Zaun, because their brown roots are showing a little and he knows full well that they do not have naturally green hair.
“Willem? What are you doing here?” Viktor is halfway out of his seat, grabbing his cane as he gets to the door.
Willem grins, blowing a bubble as they look Jayce up and down. “Did ya forget the date, baby?”
It is only then that Viktor realizes that today is, in fact, his birthday. Willem isn’t the type to come to Piltover often, but they make an exception to see Viktor twice a year, once on their birthday and once on his. It makes sense then that they would have come, but he wonders how they found their way to the shitty lab Jayce and Viktor are sharing. It is a small, cramped place, tucked away into a corner of the Academy so that they can be away from the thrum of students in case of anything going wrong — which, in defense of the Dean, has already happened twice, although it never went out of their lab. Jayce is already talking about asking the Kirammans for help in locating a larger workshop for the two of them.
Jayce makes an odd sound then, almost like he is choking on something, and Viktor ignores Willem’s stupid little jab to turn to his partner.
“Are you alright Jayce?”
The man in question finally seems to snap out of his reverie and nods. He is standing stiffer than Viktor has ever seen him; even during his trial, he looked more relaxed.
“I’ll, uh. I’ll go back to working.” Jayce turns around, not even bothering with a word to Willem.
“Looks like I made your little pet run away,” Willem grins and places a kiss on Viktor’s cheek. “Missed me?”
“Don’t talk about Jayce this way,” Viktor reprimands, stepping into the hallway. “I’m busy, Will. We are working on—“
“Yes, yes, I heard, you are making magic.” Willem says with a dismissive wave of their hand. “Sky told me about it.”
“Sky Young?”
Willem rolls their eyes. “Yeah, Sky Young. She’s doing a doctorate here, which you would know if you read your mail every so often. Couldn’t find you at your old haunts, so I asked her. Good to see you’re no longer the yordle’s valet. D’you mind if I have a smoke?”
They are already digging into their pockets, searching for their cigarettes. It’s Viktor’s turn to roll his eyes as he reaches inside the room, pawing at his own coat. He knows Willem’s routine well enough by now: they always ask if they can smoke, but they never have a cigarette. Instead of pulling his own pack — he doesn’t need Jayce to know he smokes just yet, the piltie upbringing is too strong in him and Viktor has already been the victim of his puppy eyes. He doesn’t want to have to listen to Jayce’s well reasoned, well-meaning argumentation as to why he should quit smoking — he takes the keys to his apartment out and tosses them to Willem.
“Just, wait for me at my place,” he sighs as he notices his friend’s bright gleaming eyes. “And do not start a fire or go through my belongings.”
“I’ll just dig around for food, baby, scout’s honour!” Willem is already mock saluting. “Don’t be home too late, I wouldn’t want the party to start without you!”
Viktor groans. “No party!”
“Too late, sweetheart, invitations have already been sent!”
That said, Willem is gone from the hallway. Viktor heads back inside the lab, sitting next to Jayce. He should probably explain to his partner who that was…
“You have to leave early I’m guessing?” Jayce asks, voice strained. His hand is clutching his pen so tightly Viktor wonders if it will break. “Something about a party?”
They have been spending their days and nights in this lab together for the last six months. The idea of leaving early for something as trivial as his birthday party feels wrong to Viktor; he would much rather prefer staying here with Jayce, coming up with more theories on what they could do, on how to stabilize the crystals, or even, when they get particularly tired and don’t have the energy for anything serious, on shared daydreams of what they will achieve together. But Willem has come all this way for Viktor’s birthday, and it is Viktor’s own fault for not remembering. It’s been this way since he moved to Piltover when he was 19. He’s just been so busy with his work he had completely forgotten to take note of the date.
Viktor shrugs. “I don’t necessarily care for it, but Willem probably went to some lengths to organize something ridiculous for my birthday. I should not let them alone in my appartment too long as well, it’s a recipe for disaster.”
“It’s your birthday?” Jayce looks at him then, eyes full of an emotion Viktor can’t quite decipher. He has never been the strongest at reading people, although with Jayce it is usually a little easier. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I forgot?” Viktor doesn’t know why he is answering this like he’s questioning himself. “We’ve been so busy, I did not even realize today was my birthday until Willem arrived. They always want to do something special for my birthday.”
Jayce’s tense grip on his pen does not loosen as he turns back to his paper. “Right. Well. Happy birthday then, Viktor.”
Viktor does in fact leave early that evening. Well. Earlier than he usually would. 6 p.m. is extremely early when he is used to staying until midnight with Jayce. When he says goodbye to his lab partner, he only receives a short one-word reply, which is odd for him. Jayce always insists on walking him back to his appartment when he can. When he has to leave the lab early to attend dinners at the Kirammans or to go see his mother, he even comes back to the lab to check that Viktor isn’t there still.
(More than once, Viktor was still there. Jayce had not given him much of a choice then: he had nearly manhandled Viktor into going back home. Viktor had not minded much how physical Jayce could get during those moments.)
When he gets home, he finds Willem in the kitchen, making themselves something on the stove. They look just at home here as they usually do, which is a wonder considering that they only come by twice a year. Though, Viktor ponders as he drops his coat on the coat-hanger, Willem always looks at home anywhere they go.
“You’re finally home, honey!” Willem turns to him with a wide grin. “Thought you’d never come back.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Viktor says with a chuckle. It is nice to be with his friend, despite how odd the day has been. “It doesn’t suit you to be needy.”
“But I always need you baby.” Willem flutters their lashes and the two of them start laughing, giggling as Viktor rounds the corner to come and grab a glass of water. After a few minutes of grins and interrupted laughter, Willem finally manages to calm down. “Long day at work?”
“Rather short,” Viktor corrects, looking at what Willem is cooking. “I would love to try and guess what you are making, but it looks like green goo and I’m not eager to taste it.”
Willem’s expression turns to a faux-pout. “You wound me! Here I am, pouring my heart and soul into making you food, and you just come home, smelling of another man, criticizing me!”
Viktor rolls his eyes, ignores the way his stomach tightens at the idea that he smells like Jayce. Does he? It wouldn’t be surprising, with how cramped they are in the lab. He has never noticed though. It would be nice though. Being reminded that he is Jayce’s partner like this. That Jayce is his partner too. Jayce has already taken to given him little tokens that bear his family’s crest. A few weeks back, it was new tools, and before that it was a notebook, and even before that, it was his cane. Though, each of those have had a reason attached. After all, Viktor’s cane had been broken during their expedition into Heimerdinger’s office. And Viktor had filled his previous notebook. And the tools he had been used had not been secondhand, but maybe fifth-hand, and they had been used to Iona and back. It was all very practical. It’s not like Jayce was marking his territory. No matter how much the idea fills Viktor with longing.
“You keep at trying to make something edible, I’m going to shower.” He pats Willem’s shoulder and decidedly does not pay attention to the calculating look that has bloomed into the green eyes. “Don’t burn the house down.”
“No promises!”
Viktor chuckles one last time and heads to his bathroom, shrugging off his clothing easily enough. His leg resist a little when he puts some weight on it to remove his pants, but he pushes through the pain, gritting his teeth. The cold weather is making it worse, but usually the brace underneath his pant leg is enough. He might have to dig out the heavier brace, if Willem intends on going out. Which, knowing his friend, they will insist on treating Viktor to a night out.
He waits until the water is hot before going under the spray, closing his eyes as he holds himself to the bar and lets the water burn his skin. It feels good, to be surrounded by heat and humidity for a time. Idly, he thinks he should probably take some appointment with his physical therapist again, or at the very least go to one of the pools. The water is the only place where his body does not feel it necessary to be in pain. There had been that moment in Heimerdinger’s lab, when he and Jayce were floating…
The door to the bathroom swings open and Willem walks in, hanging some clothing on the hook behind the door before they sit down on the chair Viktor keeps there for the worst days.
“Do you mind,” he asks, a little irritated at his moment of peace being shattered. “I am trying to clean myself here.”
Willem cackles. “Pff, it’s not like I haven’t already seen everything. I was the one who washed you, after your surgery, remember? You couldn’t get your arms up.”
“And I was the one to hold your hair back whenever you threw up after drinking too much when this or that broke up with you,” Viktor answers tartly. “You would have had to have a buzzcut without me.”
“Touchy today, Viki?”
“You interrupted me in the middle of my workday and are now invading my privacy, Will. I think I get the right to be a little annoyed.”
“I come here every year for your birthday.” Willem’s voice is tense now and guilt wraps up in Viktor’s stomach. “Are you too busy with your Piltie friends now to make space for me?”
Viktor turns off the water and extends a hand outside, grateful that Willem doesn’t need him to speak to give it to him. Once he is wrapped in it, he leaves the shower and pushes Willem out of the chair. He sits down, grabs his balm, and starts massaging his knee.
“I’m sorry,” he finally says. Willem has waited for him to speak again patiently. “I did not mean to make you feel unwanted. I am happy you are here.”
“But not happy that I took you away from work.” Willem’s arms are crossed as they avoid his eyes. “I don’t get it. What is it about that Jayce that you are forgetting about me?”
“I am not forgetting about you,” Viktor says as gently as he can. “I was surprised. I am very busy lately. Jayce and I have a lot to prove and I lost track of time. I hadn’t even told him about my birthday.”
Willem snorts. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”
Viktor smiles a little. “It does, doesn’t it?”
“Tell me about Jayce then.”
“Can this wait until after I am dressed?”
“No.”
Willem follows him to his bedroom and launches themself on his bed. They miss it by an inch and Viktor cannot help his cackle as his friend lets out a loud yelp. He turns his back to them as he gets dressed again, rolling his eyes when they start commenting everything he puts on. Finally, he steps aside, giving Willem free reign over his closet.
“Have it your way.”
As it turns out, Willem’s way is a shirt they had gifted Viktor for his last birthday, which leaves him with his back exposed and gold chains as his only protection, and tight fitting pants. When Viktor pulls out his heavy brace, Willem frowns.
“The pain’s that bad?”
They sit next to him on the bed, careful to not offer help with it. The only time they really fought was when Willem insisted they should help Viktor with his brace when he had gotten it. It was also the only time Viktor had ever been in a proper physical altercation. His two broken fingers were quite humiliating when Willem had hardly had any scraps.
Viktor only shrugs, not willing to answer that. He doesn’t want to talk about his body today, doesn’t want to talk about how he is pretty sure that his body is just going to keep betraying him. They are both aware that Viktor being 27 is already half a miracle. Instead, Viktor tells them about Jayce. He tells them about the trial, about finding him in that broken place with that broken expression. He tells them about floating, about the way magic had felt on his skin. He tells them about becoming partners.
“Holy shit Viki,” Willem breathes out. “No wonder that guy looked ready to kill me when I called you baby!”
“What are you talking about? Jayce did not want to kill you. He would not hurt a fly.”
Willem does a double take. “Wait, Viktor, are you telling me you didn’t notice?”
“Notice what? You are not making sense.”
Willem looks at him with wide eyes. It takes them a moment to find their voice again, and Viktor uses that time to finish drying his hair. It is rare that they are stunned into silence, but Viktor has learned to enjoy it. His friend is a talker while he is mostly a listener when the matter at hand is not his area of expertise. Sure, he can hold a conversation, was forced to do so during the galas and soirées Heimerdinger would throw, but it was never where he thrived. Viktor much prefers listening.
“Do you want to invite Jayce to your birthday party?” Willem suddenly asks, and that scheming gleam is back in his eyes.
Viktor forgets to be worried. He agrees.
The lab is empty when Viktor checks it out, which isn’t surprising. If Viktor left early, it makes sense that Jayce would do so as well; there is no reason for him to force himself to stay until the middle of the night at this point. Willem insists they keep looking for him, which means that Viktor has to walk to Jayce’s new appartment. It’s usually only a ten minutes walk from the Academy grounds, but with the brace it takes him twice the time. He will need to readjust it whenever he can get his tools and fifteen minutes to himself.
Viktor has been to Jayce’s place enough time that the way there is burned in his mind. He is pretty sure that even if he had only gone once, it would be just as crisp a memory. Willem keeps a steady chatter as they walk, telling him about how Zaun is starting to change. Viktor listens half-heartedly as Willem talks about the owner of the Last Drop has reached an agreement with one of the many shady businessmen of the Lanes. It’s amusing how easily Willem is able to gather information about everything and anything. When they were younger, Viktor could always count on them to have some entertaining gossip about their neighbours. Willem was the one with the bright imagination while Viktor was the one with the more down to earth considerations. Sometimes, he misses Will’s easy companionship, their wild ideas and optimist attitudes.
Climbing the stairs to Jayce’s place, which happens to be at the top floor, is not something Viktor had planned. Usually the elevator is working. But today, a large placard is put in front, indicating that it is under repair. Viktor wants to yell. Instead, he places a hand on the railguard of the stairs and starts walking. Willem stays behind him and Viktor wants to snap at them, but he knows that they wouldn’t agree to go ahead anyway. It is exhausting, this constant battle between Viktor’s desire for independence and his need for support.
Jayce opens the door after only one knock and his eyes widen when he notices Viktor. A small smile forms on his lips before he notices Willem behind Viktor, and all pretense of camaraderie and joy fall from his face. Perhaps Willem wasn’t entirely wrong earlier.
“Viktor, what brings you here?” Jayce is wearing a deep green shirt accented with gold and he looks impeccable as he always does whenever he goes to dinners with the Kirammans. Is he going out then? He hadn’t said anything about any obligations today.
“I, um. As I told you earlier, Willem here always organizes something for my birthday. I wanted to invite you.”
Jayce looks between the two of them, brows furrowing. Viktor resists the urge to press his thumb where the frown creases Jayce’s skin. It is an odd urge.
“I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time together.”
“You would not be intruding,” Viktor says patiently, feeling a bit lost at Jayce’s clipped tone. “I am inviting you. I would like you to join us. You could get to know Willem too.”
When he looks back at Willem, they are lighting up a cigarette and grin when they notice that Jayce and Viktor are looking at them.
“‘Sup.”
Viktor rolls his eyes fondly before looking at Jayce once more. “So?”
Jayce rubs his neck with one hand, embarrassment blooming on his face. “I’m sorry V, I already planned something. I didn’t think you’d want my company tonight.”
“Oh.” Viktor hadn’t really considered the possibility that Jayce would say no. “Of course. Well. Enjoy your evening, I suppose.”
Jayce nods. “It’s just a date with a girl from one of my classes last year. She reached out again a few weeks ago. Since we had so much work, I hadn’t set a day, but since you were busy tonight, I thought…”
He trails off, avoiding Viktor’s eyes. Viktor nods, a knot forming in his stomach. What a stupid idea. He shouldn’t have agreed with Willem.
“You don’t need to justify yourself,” he says quickly. His voice sounds … weird, even to his own ears. “You have every right to plan your evenings as you wish. It was a very last minute decision, I should have expected you to be busy.”
“No, Vik, it’s—“ Jayce stops himself, the hand that was reaching out stopping mideway before retreating at his side. “I didn’t… I really thought you wanted time just with your friend.”
Once more, Viktor nods. Is he doing that too much? Probably.
“It’s fine, Jayce. I will see you tomorrow in the lab.”
“Right, yes. The lab.” Jayce is back to not looking at Viktor. His eyes seem to have fixated on something behind him and he takes a steadying breath before he looks down at his partner again. “Happy birthday again, Vik. Enjoy your evening.”
Viktor echoes the sentiment, the words ashen in his mouth, before moving to the staircase again. It takes a moment for Willem to follow him, but he doesn’t say anything to them when they reach him. Instead, he reaches over, plucks the cigarette from their fingers, and takes a long drag as they both keep going down.
“I swear to Janna, it was painful to watch,” Willem is saying to his audience of three, “they kept looking at each other like they had kicked each other’s puppy!”
Viktor, well on his way to drunk, let his head fall against the table. As it turns out, the invitations they had sent weren’t complete inventions on Willem’s part. Sky, Ilja and Niko all arrived at the small bar that Willem had directed Viktor to about half an hour ago. With the three of them there, Viktor feels almost like he is back in Zaun, his childhood friends loud and boisterous. Even Sky, the shyest of their group, is laughing loudly at Willem’s exaggerated retelling.
“Stop,” Viktor bemoans against the table. “Jayce was simply busy. I had not anticipated that and I was surprised. That is all.”
“Viki,” Ilja says, her voice as gentle as she can make it, which is not much considering how large she is and how loud she naturally is. When they were younger, she could pick Viktor up without breaking a sweat, despite being two years younger than him. It probably hasn’t changed. “You said yourself that your buddy Jayce seemed a little upset that you had forgotten to tell him when your birthday was.”
“Because he cares about that kind of stuff.” Viktor does not move. “He went all out for Caitlyn Kiramman’s birthday, bought her all kinds of sweets possible and spent three days making a gadget. I’m sure he was just annoyed he hadn’t gotten the chance to do something just as ridiculous for me. He cares about people and birthdays and all that kind of things, that’s just who he is.”
“Or,” Niko counters, dragging his lemon cocktail closer to Viktor. “He cares about you and that’s why he was upset you hadn’t told him.”
“I hate you all.”
Another loud bout of laughter erupts from his friends and Viktor, despite trying his hardest not to, cracks a smile. It’s nice, to be with the four of them. He doesn’t remember the last time it happened. He sees Willem the most regularly, but he goes back to Zaun every so often and catches up with Niko and Ilja when he can. They have a bakery down there, the only one that still makes Viktor’s favorite cake. He was Ilja’s best man at their wedding four years ago. Was that the last time the five of them were all together? Maybe. He can’t quite muster the energy to try and remember. It is quite exhausting to be drunk.
“Baby,” Willem puts a hand on his shoulder. “Jayce isn’t upset because you forgot your own birthday. He’s upset because he thinks you and I are dating.”
Next to them, Sky chokes on her sip of beer. “What?”
Viktor echoes the sentiment entirely. What the hell? Where is Willem getting those kind of ridiculous ideas? Jayce and Viktor aren’t… there isn’t anything there. Sure, sometimes Viktor wakes up aching because of a dream where Jayce was featured rather prominently while his clothes did not appear. Sure, the fact that people can see Jayce’s house crest on his cane makes Viktor’s mind reel with pride and cockiness. But it doesn’t mean anything.
Viktor steals Niko’s cocktail and drinks it all in one go. He should not have gone out today. Who knows what kind of nonsense his friends are going to put in his head? How can he face Jayce in the morning if he is disturbed by thoughts of them? Not just them, lab partners and close friends, but them. Lovers. Partners beyond their work.
“And here it is,” Willem croons like they are proud of enabling Viktor’s reckless drinking. “The idiot comes to his senses.”
“Will,” Sky scolds them. “Leave Viktor alone. It’s his birthday.”
“And I’m giving him an opportunity to have a sexual life,” Will claims loudly, only for Viktor to put a hand over his mouth and glare at them.
“Stop talking. You’re making a fool of yourself.”
Willem shrugs and licks the palm of Viktor’s hand, as if they are seven again, playfighting in the streets of Zaun. Viktor wishes he were back to that age suddenly. Things were much simpler back then. He removes his hand, wiping the saliva on Willem’s jacket, and stands up. He doesn’t quite wobble, but it’s a close thing. His fingers clutch tightly his cane as he draws his coat on.
“I’m going for a smoke,” he says when he realizes that his silent movement has put everyone on edge. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Try to have your brain back in its place by then, Will.”
He turns away from the table and heads out quickly, ignoring the whispering of his friends behind him. He is itching for some peace and quiet.
The alley behind the bar is empty, which is a relief. Viktor knows the establishment well enough to be aware that, in about an hour or so, drunken couples will make their way here for a quick hookup. He has walked in on quite a few sessions throughout the years. It stopped being embarrassing the second time it happened.
He digs in his pockets for his lighter and groans when he realizes that he only has his pack of matches. Tonight is not going great so far. He can still smoke though, which is definitely going in the good things column. As he takes his first drag, he sighs. He really is glad that Willem is here, as well as Sky, Ilja and Niko, but he hadn’t anticipated their presence. He hadn’t thought of what it would be like for them to know about Jayce, to tease him about it, to intrude into this warm bubble he keeps for himself.
Viktor blows the smoke out slowly, watching as it disappears into the winter night. It isn’t as if he is ashamed of his friends or of Jayce, absolutely not. It is just… He hadn’t been ready to share Jayce yet. He hadn’t thought he would have to have his childhood friends pick through this aspect of his life. And today’s just further proof that it shouldn’t have happened yet. Jayce had been behaving so strangely after Willem had left, distant and quiet. And then there is that date he planned…
He finishes the cigarette faster than he wishes. Not quite ready to go back inside, he lights a second one. He hasn’t smoked so much in months; ever since he met Jayce, in fact. He still smokes, but the frequency of it has been steadily going down. Viktor thinks back to how dejected his grandmother was when he picked the habit up and smiles to himself. She would probably be quite happy, if she knew. Not that she ever will; Viktor buried her the day before he decided to move to Piltover.
With a huff, he moves past that memory. The cold air is clearing his mind, although he knows he is slightly beyond tipsy now. He wonders how the evening would have gone if Jayce had been there. Surely, he would have charmed everyone, his crooked smile so endearing as he asked about everyone’s line of work. He would ask about Sky’s research and listen as she went into a long list of unnecessary details, would promise to visit Niko and Ilja’s bakery. He would ask Willem about them and they would shrug, a wink thrown in Jayce’s direction as an answer. Even if they are not ashamed of it, they know very well that their work at the brothel is not something that should be discussed in public.
Jayce would respect that, Viktor thinks idly, a small smile forming on his lips as he daydreams about it. He would ask Viktor later about it and Viktor would tell him, plain and simple. He doesn’t think Jayce would react negatively to that kind of information; the Piltie is too kind for his own good, too eager to please. Jayce would probably only worry about what that means for Willem, asking if they chose that path. Viktor, who has had this kind of conversation with Willem a thousand times, would just answer that in Zaun, the options are limited, and at least it’s not in the Fissures. Willem likes it well enough, he would tell Jayce.
He is so lost in his own fantasy that he nearly misses the familiar shape walking down the street towards the door of the bar. Hidden from view as he is, he knows that it would be hard for anyone to make out who he is in the darkness. There is no streetlight in this alleyway and the nearest is at the the entrance of the bar. There is no mistaking the man who is walking towards it, although Viktor doesn’t know who the woman hanging on his arm is. Jayce is taking his date to the same bar where Viktor’s friends are very loudly speculating about their relationship.
Viktor rushes inside through the side door, earning himself a surprised chuckle from the bartender as he erupts behind her. He gives her an embarrassed smile and makes his way to his table. The group has considerably quietened down, Willem looking a little chastised. There is a new bottle of red wine and five glasses, and Viktor would smile at the kind gesture — after all, he is the only one in the group who appreciates red wine — if he wasn’t in such a hurry to get the fuck out of here.
“We have to go,” he says as he gets there. “Now.”
“What’s got you in such a tizzy?” Niko’s eyes are slightly gassy, his head falling on his partner’s shoulder. “You love this place.”
He is right, of course, but Viktor can’t think of anything else but the fact that Jayce and his date are going to walk in at any seconds and—
“Oh,” Sky breathes out, eyes focused on a point behind Viktor and he closes his eyes. Fuck.
It doesn’t take more than a second for Willem to see what Sky is looking at and by the time Viktor’s eyes fly open again, they are gesturing to Jayce with their arms. Viktor wishes he could knock that shit-eating grin off their face.
“Jayce, hey, come join us!”
Viktor turns around then, meeting his partner’s eyes. Jayce looks positively panicked. Next to him, his date — a charming young woman with black hair, brown skin and a confused smile on her delicately painted lips — is alternating glances between Willem, Viktor, and Jayce. She says something to Jayce and nudges him forward. In Viktor’s direction. Viktor wants to sink into the ground.
Not because Jayce is here, but because Jayce is here, not five minutes after Viktor has slowly started admitting to himself that perhaps his relationship to Jayce is more nebulous and complicated than just “lab partners”. He doesn’t know exactly what it is that he wants, but he knows what he doesn’t want, and that is to see Jayce with a lovely woman on his arm. And yet.
“Hi,” the woman says, extending her hand to Viktor as they reach them. “You must be Viktor! Jayce has been speaking about you nonstop.”
Jayce turns white as a sheet. “I haven’t!”
“It’s alright,” the woman chuckles. “I appreciate a man who knows where his heart is. I’m Dipti.”
Viktor’s heart is about to explode but he remembers his manners and shakes Dipti’s hand, trying to smile. He is pretty sure he is grimacing.
“Lovely to meet you, Dipti. I’m sorry Jayce has been talking about our work so much, especially on the first proper night out he has organized in months.”
“Your work?” Dipti looks puzzled for a second and then explodes into laughter. “Oh, no, hon. He talks about you.”
“Dee,” Jayce interrupts. “That’s enough.”
“No, no, let her speak,” Willem says from over Viktor’s shoulder. He resists the urge to elbow them in the stomach. “I would love to hear about anyone talking about my baby.”
They slip an arm around Viktor’s waist and he groans. They are doing this on purpose. Jayce’s jaw is clenched, his fist balled up at his side. Was Willem right earlier?
“Well, who might you be?” Dipti’s voice slips into something a little sultrier, a little more seductive. “Jayce didn’t mention anything about Viktor’s lovely partner.”
Viktor has to grant her this, she is bold. If she assumes that Viktor and Willem are dating and is still willing to make such an overt pass at them, it requires quite an amount of self-confidence.
“Don’t let Will fool you,” Ilja says from her seat at the table. “Viktor’s too good for them. They aren’t dating.”
Jayce’s mouth falls open slightly. Viktor wants to say something but he finds himself dragged back to his seat by a grinning Willem. He wants to punch them so badly.
“Sit with us,” they invite Jayce and Dipti. “We are celebrating the old man’s birthday.”
“You are older than I am,” Viktor points out, but moves his chair so there will be some place for the two newcomers to sit.
“By seven months,” Willem argues, but then quickly switches their focus to Dipti when she sits down next to them. “So, Dipti, what do you do?”
Viktor finds himself sitting across from Jayce. He almost wishes that Jayce was sitting next to him instead; it would be easier to avoid looking at him that way. Still, he finds himself relaxing as Willem leads the conversation and Jayce relaxes too, asking Sky about her research when she mentions being a doctorate student at the Academy. Viktor weaves in and out of conversation, happy to nurse his one glass of red wine now. There is no need to get any more intoxicated now.
A couple of hours later, they are all making their ways out of the establishment. Viktor hugs Niko and Ilja tightly, promising to come visit them soon. Ilja chuckles as she drops a kiss to his cheek.
“Bring your man around, when you two have figured it out.”
He flushes but agrees with a nod. If there really is something between Jayce and himself, something to explore more, he will absolutely bring him to the bakery. Everyone, in Viktor’s humble opinion, should taste his friends’ baked goods.
Sky gives him a quick hug and makes him promise to come have tea with her the following week. She says goodbye to Jayce shyly, offering just a wave at first, but Jayce envelops her in a hug. He didn’t drink much, but Viktor has noticed that he isn’t one to hold his alcohol well. It’s a little amusing, considering how much bigger he is than Viktor.
“Come by the lab,” Jayce tells Sky earnestly. “I think we could try to see how to use hextech with what you were proposing earlier. We can at least discuss it in a more professional setting.”
Sky looks a little starstruck and agrees eagerly. Viktor grins a little to himself. He’s glad to see Jayce take an interest in Sky’s research. He makes a mental note to reach out to Heimerdinger, see what can be done to help Sky in her work. Viktor has never been above calling in a favour from his former employer — the Dean will just ask him to attend some kind of symposium or give a lecture in exchange, it’s nothing Viktor hasn’t done before.
It’s when Willem, Dipti’s hand in their backpocket and her grin against their neck, comes to say goodbye that things take a more complicated. Because suddenly, Viktor realizes that he will be left alone with Jayce, and he doesn’t know if he is capable of handling that just yet. He doesn’t know what to do with his harried heart when he catches Jayce looking at him. He has been pretending not to notice so far, but he isn’t sure he wants to keep doing that.
(He doesn’t think about the many times he caught Jayce looking at him before, when they were working together or just talking, and he has pushed past it. After all, why would Jayce be looking at him? Jayce couldn’t have been looking at him. So Viktor had locked all the little things and thoughts down, had attempted to bury them. Leave it to his childhood friend to make it resurface.)
Viktor watches as Willem and Dipti leave, soft giggles echoing as they make their way down the street. Then, carefully, he turns to Jayce.
“I’m sorry Willem stole your date,” he tells Jayce as honestly as possible. He isn’t really sorry about it, but he knows that it can’t be pleasant to experience. “They can be a lot.”
“No it’s… It’s fine.” Jayce doesn’t look at Viktor. The tips of his ears are red. “It wasn’t really a date anyway. Dipti and I shared a bunch of classes throughout the years and um. She’s a good friend.”
“I thought you said—“
“I lied,” Jayce admits. “I, um. I thought Willem and you were…”
“A couple?” It’s kind of endearing how Jayce can’t even bring himself to say the word.
“They called you baby and sweetheart,” Jayce defends himself, despite Viktor not having said anything. Janna, Viktor must be drunker than he thought, because he feels like cooing at how adorable Jayce looks. “What was I supposed to think?”
Viktor shrugs, starts walking. He doesn’t bother to look at his partner; Jayce will follow. He always does.
“You could have asked.”
Jayce makes a noise in the back of his throat, something halfway through a groan and a helpless whimper. It is such a strange noise that Viktor has to stop, looking back at his partner. Jayce is flushed, trailing behind him.
“What was that?”
Jayce opens his mouth, closes it again. Viktor sighs. He wishes that Jayce would speak his mind, wishes that he would say what he means. Viktor is tired of thinking for the day, tired of trying to make sense of his own emotions, let alone Jayce’s. He knows he is not the most in touch with his emotions, knows that he has a tendency to retreat behind facts and numbers and things that make sense, enough past lovers have accused him of being too cold. Viktor has never really been able to give himself fully to anyone.
Looking at Jayce, he thinks he could with him, and it terrifies him.
He starts walking again.
Jayce follows him the whole way to his place, a quiet presence at his side. When their hands brush against one another, Viktor sees him startle, feels his eyes on him. Like he is checking that this is alright, that this isn’t pushing past any boundaries that Viktor has set. If Viktor could ever remember setting such boundaries with Jayce, he would be pleased at how well behaved Jayce is. As it is, Viktor has always allowed Jayce’s easy affection, has always let himself be drawn into hugs and leaned into the hand that found its way to his lower back. So Viktor isn’t pleased. No, Viktor is pissed now.
When they get to his building, Viktor digs his keys out and opens the door. Jayce hesitates behind him, unsure if he is welcome. Viktor, silent and annoyed and so tired, keeps the door open until Jayce’s large hand comes to hold it for the both of them. In the same tense silence, one they have never known with another, Viktor unlocks the front door to his ground floor appartment and leaves it open for Jayce to close. He toes his shoes off, his bad knee making its displeasure known at the gesture, removes his coat and tosses it to the back of a chair. Still silent, he goes to the kitchen, pours two glasses of water, and comes back to the living room.
Jayce is still standing in the doorway, coat and shoes on, the door closed behind his large frame. Viktor doesn’t ignore him, but he doesn’t give him any attention either. He goes to sit on his couch and puts the two glasses on the low table. Then, with an undignified growl of pain, he unclasps the heavy brace around his knee and extends his leg, trying to find a position for it to be as comfortable as possible. He can’t even take his meds; with the alcohol, it will just be useless. He’ll just have to endure the pain in the morning.
His awkward adjustment seems to bring Jayce back to life. In an instant, he is kneeling in front of Viktor, hands reaching for his knee as his eyes search Viktor’s for permission.
“Please,” he asks, no. Begs. “Let me help.”
Viktor has the passing thought that Jayce is very pretty when he begs on his knees. His irritation hasn’t faded though, so he only gives a terse nod. Jayce seems to relish that little movement, his eyes brightening up immediately. Viktor can very clearly picture a tail wagging and two fluffy ears perking up, if the man between his legs were a dog. The thought makes him smile, but it quickly disappears from his mind as Jayce’s fingers dig into his tense muscles.
The problem is that Viktor already knew Jayce had magic hands. It was clear in everything he did: from the forge to his calculations, there is nothing that Jayce does that isn’t touched by some beautiful piece of divine magic. Jayce’s hands are sturdy and strong, they were made to bend metal and build monuments. But Jayce’s hands are also the most delicate things in the world. Viktor has watched him give the smallest amount of pressure to a mechanism so that it would be properly aligned. Those hands made for the work of a thousand workers are also the ones that know delicacy and kindness. So Viktor knew Jayce’s hands were something special.
He had not expected how those hands on his leg would feel. Viktor’s body betrays him every day. It traps him into a world of physicality, forces him to confront his mortality and his deficiencies. Viktor doesn’t hate his body, because he has worked quite hard to mold it into a shape that fits him. He would rather say that his relationship to his body is one of give and take. He gives and gives, and it takes and takes and takes. For the first time in forever, Viktor’s body is giving.
He doesn’t control the moan that escapes his throat when Jayce’s fingers flit around the muscles, gently helping it to relax. Even through the soft brace beneath his pantleg, Viktor feels the muscles unclenching. His body takes this caress and gives back, sends waves of pleasure to wreck Viktor’s brain. Jayce doesn’t falter, his fingers wandering down to Viktor’s ankle, he explores and offers his magic touch to Viktor. It is a silent prayer, a worship, and Viktor’s breathing is irregular, his senses full of Jayce, Jayce, Jayce. He closes his eyes, leans his head against the back of his couch, and loses himself into the sensation.
He must have dozed off. He blinks, eyes blearily falling onto Jayce. Jayce, who is still kneeling in front of him, who is watching him like he is one of the wonders of the world. It reminds Viktor of the expression he wore when they floated in that blue glow. It is the same smile Jayce gave him when he asked Viktor to be his partner.
Janna forgive him, he has been rather dense.
“You’re going to hurt your knees,” he whispers instead of the thousands of words he wants to let pour out of his mouth. “You don’t have to stay here.”
Jayce, gingerly, eyes never leaving Viktor’s, lays his head down on his good knee. He waits a second, in case Viktor pushes him away, and then puts more weight on it. Viktor allows himself a weakness: he pushes his fingers through Jayce’s disheveled hair. Had he been like this earlier? Viktor’s mind is a little fuzzy. He cards his fingers through Jayce’s silken hair, watches as the man’s eyelids flutter.
“I want to,” Jayce answers in the same tone. “I always want to.”
The words are familiar, carrying the memories of nights when Jayce would walk back in the lab to find Viktor still hunched over his desk. Viktor wonders if Jayce is aware of what he is saying.
“I’m afraid.” The words leave his mouth without him wanting it, but he can’t really take them back, so he simply waits for Jayce to say something back.
Jayce takes his time to answer. His hand comes up to grab Viktor’s and he presses a kiss to every finger, lips trailing to his palm. Viktor watches him, awed at how Jayce seems suddenly so aware of what he wants. How long was he asleep for?
“I can tell,” Jayce finally says. “It’s alright. I’m scared too.”
Viktor wants to smile at that, but the chasm in his chest is widening. He hadn’t noticed it before, but now he can only feel that, this gaping maw waiting to swallow him whole. He doesn’t know if the dizziness he feels is from Jayce’s worship or from the fear that grips his entrails. His guess would be a little bit of both.
“How long have you known?”
Jayce’s smile is still unbearably fond, infinitely loving. Viktor cannot get enough of it. He is greedy for it, this devotion he reads in Jayce’s eyes. He doesn’t deserve it, he is pretty sure, but he wants. He wants and wants and wants, the void in his stomach filling up with that overwhelming desire that he cannot control.
“That I would spend my life at your side? From the first moment our eyes met.”
“I had you arrested,” Viktor reminds him, unable to keep his mind completely focused on his emotions. It is so much easier to let the facts roll off his tongue, to let history be linear. “You can’t have wanted that at that moment.”
The smile doesn’t leave Jayce’s face. “Alright, maybe not. Will you accept it if I say that I knew from the moment you walked in the ruin of my experiments and told me that there was potential in my work?”
Viktor is willing to concede him that point. It is still not rational, but it is reasonable at the very least. He keeps the thought to himself, but Jayce hears it anyway. He presses a soft kiss to Viktor’s clothed thigh as an answer.
“Why tonight?”
Jayce’s expression turns to an embarrassed flush, but he still holds onto Viktor’s hand. He presses the back of it to his forehead, a worshipper begging his god for mercy. He looks so small in front of Viktor, completely at his mercy. It sends a thrill through Viktor’s body. For once, he feels powerful, in total control. Yet, he only wants to relinquish that control, to let himself fall into Jayce’s patient arms. Not yet.
“I hadn’t … properly figured it out until then.” Jayce presses another kiss to Viktor’s hand. “I didn’t like hearing your friend call you baby. I knew I wanted to be with you forever, but I hadn’t realized that I wanted to be with you forever.”
He stresses the words with a squeeze to Viktor’s hand, a silent plea for him to understand the difference. He doesn’t need to beg; Viktor feels that same echo in his own mind. He has been dancing around that very realization himself for days, and even then, it only came to fruition because of Willem’s intrusion.
At the thought, Viktor lets out an annoyed sigh as he looks at his ceiling. The motion causes panic in Jayce, who stands up abruptly and enters Viktor’s field of vision once.
“Willem is never going to let me live it down,” he tells Jayce, who relaxes immediately. Viktor takes advantage of that and tugs him down, so that he will be with him on the couch. He miscalculates his strength a little, finds himself with an armful of his partner. Jayce melts into his touch and Viktor smiles. “I suppose I can handle their smug remarks in exchange of this.”
His fingers trace the lines of Jayce’s face, memorizing the feel of it the same ways his eyes have mapped it a thousand times. Viktor takes his time to do so and finishes with Jayce’s lips. He presses his thumb there and they open easily. He stares at that mouth, feels the maw in his belly rise again, the desire overwhelming him.
“I’m so terrified of hurting you,” he confesses to Jayce, bending down to press their foreheads together. “If I hurt you…”
“Then you hurt me, and we talk about it. Same goes if I’m the one to hurt you. It’s alright to be scared, but you were the one to tell me not to ask for permission when changing the world. Why don’t put our fears aside and change our world again?”
Viktor leans in and captures Jayce’s lips in his own, unable to resist the desire that burns in his throat anymore. He swallows Jayce’s surprised gasp, drinks in the way the man’s lips moves against his own. It fills Viktor with an unexplainable light, the darkness eating at him retreating as he finally allows himself to consider the reality of his feelings.
“I love you,” he murmurs against Jayce’s lips when they come apart for air. He should probably have kept that tidbit of information to himself a little longer. He doesn’t regret saying it. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”
Jayce’s face shines as he peppers Viktor’s face with kisses, whispering his own confession into Viktor’s skin. It makes Viktor giggle, a sound that surprise the both of them, and Jayce stares at him in astonishment. The awed look in his eyes is too much for Viktor, who has to look away before his heart implodes.
For a while, they stay like this, trading soft kisses and gentle words. Viktor tells Jayce of his fears, of all the thoughts of unworthiness and selfishness that plague him, and in return Jayce murmurs his own insecurities, of his fear of being too much, of the dark nights during which he cannot sleep, only stare at the ceiling and hope that dawn will come sooner rather than later. Viktor listens, appreciating how open Jayce is, and how much effort Jayce goes through to make Viktor comfortable when he stumbles over his words.
Later on, when dawn peeks its golden eyes through the curtains, they exchange a few more kisses, soft and slow. Jayce insists that they can take the day off and herds Viktor to his bedroom. They have no energy left for anything but holding each other, Jayce making himself smaller as he fits his head over Viktor's heart.
Falling asleep tangled up with Jayce is the easiest thing in the world.