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The ride to Po's apartment was silent. Not the awkward one. The comfortable one. Thame was sleeping soundly in the passenger seat with Po driving beside him. And when they finally arrived, Po looked over and smiled.
“Thame, we're here,” he said, softly tugging at Thame, who opened his eyes, “Oh, sorry. Was I asleep the whole drive?” he asks, rubbing his eyes and unbuckling his seatbelt.
“Yes, but it's okay.” Po said, unbuckling his own seatbelt.
Both of them finally made it out of the car and is now setting in on the couch with the bag of treats they bought in Po's hands.
“Should we go watch a movie, Phi?” Thame asked, immediately taking the remote, Po nodded and settled down, “What do you wanna watch?” Thame asked.
“How about La La Land?” Po said, turning to Thame who just nodded and put on La La Land.
They both watched the movie while cuddling—Po's head resting in Thame's chest while Thame softly ruffles Po's hair.
It was the break up scene in the movie when Thame suddenly spoke, “You know if I were ever in Mia's shoes and had to break up with you, I would want you to slap me in the face.” which then made Po chuckle.
“Will you break up with me though?” Po asked, looking up at Thame, Thame looked down at him and smiled, “I would never, baby.” he said while grinning. Kissing Po on the forehead which made Po sighed in contentment.
The movie continues and when it's done, Po sat up properly and turned his body to Thame.
“Thame, if I ever were to break up with you, what would you do?” he asked randomly, Thame giggled, “That's random. But if you were, I think I'll just accept it.” he answered which made Po gasp.
“What? No! You're supposed to stop me! So we won't break up!” he whined dramatically, even pouting which made Thame laugh more, he shook his head.
“Okay, okay. Fine, I'll stop you, you baby,” he said, hugging Po and kissing him on the cheek, “Your baby.” Po replied, kissing Thame on the mouth, it was fast but it sent the message.
A message that said, ‘Don't leave me.’ A message that said, ‘Stay.’
And that's exactly what Thame did.
The weather was cold, windy, rain pouring like it's almost the end of the world. Po and Thame in Po's apartment, silence occupying the house.
That was broken by Thame who exhaled and spoke.
“Talk to me, Phi,” he started, taking Po's wrist, “You can't just,” he choked in his own words, “You can't just say you wanna break up and expect me to just... accept it?” he said with disbelief in his voice.
Po did not turn around to see Thame. He can't afford to see Thame's eyes right now, not right now.
“Thame, just... just do it, okay? We don't have any other solution,” he said, eyes tight shut, “Solution to what?! Tell me!” Thame said, voice higher.
“Just drop it! Get out before... before someone sees,” Po said, escaping a wrist grab from Thame who looked at him incredulity, “Oh, is that it? You don't want anyone to see us together? That's why you're breaking up? Fucking hell, P'Po if that's it—!” he did not finish what he's about to say when Po turned to face him.
“That's not just it! Thame, you don't know what I've seen people say about me, about you! So if you may, please just leave. And don't come back.” he shouted, looking at Thame's eyes.
“Phi... are you really— Just gonna leave me like this? You said it before, right? If you ever wanna break up, I should stop you and that's what I'm doing right now! So please, P'Po... don't.” Thame said, begging. Po looked away, not wanting to look at Thame's eyes.
“That was before, Thame. I— I don't love you anymore, okay? I'm tired of this... I'm tired of you.” and that was it. That's what made Thame stop begging, that four word phrase made Thame froze in his spot.
He's tired of me. He's tired of me. He's tired of us. He does not love me anymore. He wants to break up. He wants to break up with me.
Thame opened his mouth to talk but there seems to be no words to explain what he wants to say or what he feels. Po sighed.
“Thame, please. This is for us, for you. I want you to go further, and this—what we have is what's stopping you. Just go, okay? I'll call Jun to pick you up.” Po explained, grabbing his phone from his pocket when Thame took his wrist to stop him.
“Is this really it? Are you really sure?” Thame begged, tears streaming down his cheeks, Po looked away, “Yes, Thame. Let go.” he coldly said. Though not fighting hard enough.
“Phi, look me in the eye... and tell me you don't love me anymore.” Thame muttered, voice low, which made Po's breath hitch. He knows himself he can't do it.
“Thame, stop it. Just stop.” Po demanded, but Thame just shook his head.
“No. I need you to look at me and tell me you don't want this anymore,” he said, voice still, “Because I know there's still a bit of you who doesn't. And I will hold onto that, no matter how small, it is still there.”
Po closed his eyes shut, sighing.
“I'm done,” he said before turning his head and looking at Thame in the eye, “Let's stop this.” he said coldly then stepped out of Thame's grasp to get his phone and call Jun. Thame stood there, eyes glossy, heart broken, body and mind not knowing what to do.
A year have past ever since that night happened. Po has become a director at ONER, Thame flew to Korea, the rest of the Mars members is still promoting Mars as a group, but it is visible how fast they're declining.
Thame was at his hotel for the moment, just gotten out of the shower, looking through his clothes in his bag when he noticed a jacket that certainly did not belong to him. It was a pastel blue jacket that was wrinkled because of how many times it has been put into another bag to another.
He took it and immediately knows.
It's Po's.
His breath hitched, it may have been a year but his heart still aches at the thought of Po. And the thought of his belongings still being in Thame's, saying that no matter how long or no matter what happens: A part of Po will always be with Thame.
He hugged it, eyes glistening. It still fucking hurts.
He was wiping his tears when he felt something fell. A paper. He took it and opened. It was a letter. A letter from P'Po.
“My Dearest, Thame,
I don't know how to start this. I don't have the words. There's already a pile of paper in front of me, a pile of letters who fails to capture what I wanna say. I hope this'll be the last draft.
When you see this, I'm probably gone. You're probably gonna be in Korea, though I'm still not sure if you'll go considering how stubborn you are.
I love you. I will always do.
But Miss Pemika asked for me earlier, she told me someone has found out about us and is threatening to reveal it to the public. I was shaking while she spoke coldly with dignity, telling me to immediately stop seeing you.
I tried, Thame. I tried so hard to reason out with her, I told her how much I love you and how much you love me too. But she did not want to hear about that.
She told me if I do love you, I'll leave you—for good. For your future. For you to step further in life. I know that's not really the reason, but Thame, I don't want you to live the life where you have to hide away what we have just to live, I don't want you to live the life that you don't deserve.
She also threatened me to reveal Pepper and Gam's relationship if I don't break up with you, I did not even know they were together. I was helpless in that room, Thame. I felt so fucking small. And I hated that feeling. Because no matter how reasonable our love was to each other, that does not compare to your career, it is your first love after all.
When you read this, I hope you finally found someone ready to take the risk for you. Someone who did not ran away the moment there's a problem. Someone who is willing to fight for you. And I'm so sorry I was not the one.
I hope you are in Korea chasing your dreams. I hope you finally eat the Korean foods you've been telling me you wanna try. I hope you finally attended that K-Pop group's concert that you liked.
I really really hope you're happy, Thame.
And if ever, you still think of me, please don't.
Please don't think about the person who doesn't love you enough fight. Don't think about the person who's not strong enough to be with you. Please don't think about me.
Because I know I'll try not to think about you, too. Because if I do, I doubt I'll let you leave. But this is for you, for your first love, I hope you understand.
I'm writing this in the living room with you in my bedroom sleeping soundly, I can't even look you in the eye. I'm really fucking sorry, Thame.
But I really really hope you finally found happiness.
And I hope I never hear a thing about it.
Passionately Yours,
Po.”