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Dwarves were not renowned for their patience. Fili, however, was different. And the more he wanted something, the longer he was willing to wait to get it.
He had been preparing for weeks for that meeting with his uncle. He had practiced his speech in front of the mirror countless times and he deemed himself ready for any reaction the king would have to Fili’s request. Luckily, Thorin seemed to be in good dispositions when Fili entered the hall. He even smiled at his nephew. Bilbo had probably had a role to play in the King’s benevolent mood, but Fili wasn’t sure if he wanted to know exactly how. And still, Fili’s heart was beating in his ears louder and louder as he walked up the alley that led to the throne.
“My king,” Fili began, bowing down as the protocol required. Without more preamble, he exposed the reason that led him to ask for an official audience. “I’m here to request the permission to court Kili of the line of Durin: your heir and my beloved brother.”
Thorin frowned. “Your own brother?” he asked, probably less surprised than he should have been.
Fili gulped and nodded. His uncle had his whole life in his hands right now and he could crush it in his fist any time. His happiness depended on that decision.
The king observed his heir in silence before he spoke up again. “I’m well aware of the deep affection that binds you both, but a marriage between brothers… that’s unusual.”
“Unusual, but not unheard of, my king,” Fili hastened to point out. “Our laws do not forbid it. I found four examples of marriage between siblings in the kingdom’s record, the last one took place only three hundred years ago. “
The king had a little smile. “You did your research I see.” He still remained thoughtful. Fili did not know if he should be hopeful or anxious about the fact his uncle was taking his time to ponder.
Fili knew his own face was getting redder and redder with every second. The beads trembled and swinged at the ends of his braided mustache. Fili thought he would explode if Thorin did not make a decision rapidly.
“You are both princes and Kili is younger than you are,” the king dwarf reminded his nephew, “thus, I expect that you know how to proceed and will handle the matter in a proper, discreet way.”
“These were my intentions all along,” Fili assured Thorin.
“Fine,” Thorin finally decided. “If it is done in the way that respects our traditions, I don’t see any reason to object to that union. As long as it is Kili’s wish as well.”
Fili let out a long exhale of relief. “Thank you, my king. The news fills my heart with joy.”
“You’re welcome. You can go now,” he dismissed him. Fili bowed down again and took a few steps away but Thorin hailed him again: “Oh and Fili! Can you tell your brother he still has to fix that vase he broke in half yesterday? It’s hideous, but Bilbo loves it for some reason.”
Fili couldn’t help a little laugh. “Yes, of course. I’ll tell him.” So clumsy, absent-minded and inattentive most of the time, his younger brother was a fascinating being: he had the focus and eyes of an eagle when it was time to shoot arrows, but for everything else, he was like a newborn pony with eight legs. He never watched his feet, he stumbled on everything, got easily distracted and misplaced all his belongings. And still, Fili couldn’t imagine spending life with anybody else.
Kili was five years younger, Thorin had reminded him. Hence, Fili had to court him for five years before making him his husband: the first three years in secret, then, one year publicly and that’s during that fourth year that he would make his official proposal to Kili. He would finally get to marry his prince at the end of the fifth year. Yes, it would be a long wait before Kili would be his, but it would be worth the wait. On his way back to his room, he bought Kili the first courting gift: a hunting knife with a carved handle that had the shape of a ram’s head.
Kili was happy and grateful about the gift and Fili got a long hug to reward his efforts. It was the first of many gifts Fili gave to his brother during the first year. Every gift delighted Kili, and even if they were supposed to stay secret ones, the brunet bragged about them profusely to their friends and the other members of the court. Fili kept himself from scolding his brother. Kili seemed so pleased and he did not want to be a kill-joy. He just hoped this would not get to Thorin’s ears.
During the second year, Fili began to allow himself to get a little more intimate with his beloved brother. Their hugs turned into long embraces with hands running gently up and down each other’s back. Their first kiss happened as naturally as breathing.
That day, they were fishing, seated at the end of a dock, shoulder to shoulder. Sun caught in Kili’s hair, making it look like dark velvet. Fili thought it was the perfect moment to take his courting to a new level. Kili had turned his head to look at him, the last notes of a ribald song on his tongue and Fili simply leaned forward to gently take his brother’s lips.
“I like that,” Kili whispered when they had parted, with the smile of someone who just discovered their favorite dish. “We should do it more often.”
Fili smiled back. “We will, as long as nobody is watching.”
Head tilted to the side, Kili gave his brother a thoughtful look. “Of course.”
At the beginning of the third year, Fili asked Kili if he’d like to share his bed. They always had twin beds, placed side by side, but as Kili agreed to the idea, Fili bought a large one that could accommodate them both. Now he slept most nights with Kili curled up against his chest, and when it was not the case, he would still have his hand in Kili’s, or his face in the brown hair with his arm across his brother’s stomach, holding him all night long.
Kili was unexpectedly reasonable about all this. He never asked for more or tried to push things to get further than what Fili initiated himself. It perplexed the blond dwarf as much as it reassured him. Sometimes it was difficult to resist Kili’s beauty and his blooming charms, and Fili was grateful his brother didn’t make it more difficult than it already was. But sometimes, he wondered if Kili was as attracted as he was to him. They kissed often and could make out for hours when they were on hunting trips, away from prying eyes but Kili was still acting with him with the same camaraderie, as if nothing had changed between them. It was both comforting and worrisome.
The third year of their courting was reaching its end. Today was Durin’s day and also the day when they would be allowed to be officially and publicly a couple. Fili did his best to contain the butterflies, but whenever he managed to keep one of them still, there were a hundred more suddenly emerging from the pit of his stomach.
He rolled around in the bed and considered waking Kili with a kiss, but before he could, the brunet was already seated in the bed, rubbing his face with a groan. “I’m going to clean up and head to the archery field right away. I told Dwalin I’d be there at eight. I’m already late.”
Swallowing a slight disappointment, Fili sat in the bed as well and let his breath ghost over the skin of his brother’s shoulder. “Can I get a kiss before you go?” he asked, hopeful.
“I did not brush my teeth yet,” Kili warned him.
“You know I don’t care about that.”
“Fine,” Kili capitulated. “If you insist on being so reckless.” He gently brushed a mustache braid out of the way with the tip of his nose and gave Fili the kiss he was yearning for.
“I love you, Kee,” Fili whispered as his brother pushed the covers aside to get out of bed.
The younger dwarf threw him a smile above his shoulder. “I love you too, brother.”
Kili walked through the door leading to the hallway and their bathroom.
The blond dwarf suddenly remembered the muddy boots and weapons they had left there the night before when they came back from a little improvised training session. The chances Kili remembered they were there were null.
Fili took it upon himself to warn his brother: “Hey, careful with the-“
There was a thumping sound and a muffled curse. Kili had tripped over the boots.
“Oh, and there is the-“
This time, Fili was interrupted by the metallic clinking of weapons falling to the floor. He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand and shook his head in disbelief.
“Ouch!” Kili exclaimed.
Fili he was about to leave the bed to check on his brother when a reassurance came from the other side of the door: “I’m alright!”
“Watch your feet as you head to the archery field, in case you trip over your own shadow,” Fili teased.
A frowning face appeared in the doorframe. “That’s not possible,” Kili asserted. He seemed torn between being irritated because his brother was making fun of him and a doubt that maybe it was possible to trip over one’s shadow.
Fili thought he might love his brother even more just for it.
He was still lazing in the bed when Kili, now fully clothed, headed to the door. “We’re still eating together at noon, yes?” the younger dwarf inquired.
“Yes, of course,” Fili assured him.
***
Fili spent the morning reading in the library. Since his courting would become a public matter from today on, he needed some information. He would only get to propose to Kili in half a year. He knew he was forging ahead, but he wanted to be sure he would follow the protocol when it came to a royal heir asking another.
Just before noon, he went in search of Balin. But the old dwarf was nowhere to be seen and Fili had given up and was heading to his lunch with his brother when he finally stumbled across Balin in an empty corridor, or so he thought.
“Do you think there would be some spare time for a request of mine on the schedule of tonight’s council session?” Fili asked Balin after they exchanged warm greetings.
“Yes, of course, lad. Just tell me what it is about so I can add it to the agenda.”
“Hm… uh… I…” Fili stuttered, feeling his face get warm and flushed. “I have been courting my love interest for a while now, and it is time I announce it and reveal his identity.”
Balin had a knowing smile. “That’s good news, son! Though, I’m pretty sure all of us already suspect who your beloved might be.”
Fili had a shy little laugh. “Yes. He had not been exactly subtle about it,” he conceded.
“Don’t worry. We’re all happy for you. And I do not doubt Thorin will still agree with that union.”
“I’m counting on it,” Fili breathed, not entirely reassured yet.
Their conversation drifted to the matter of the project of opening new mines in a nearby mountain and they spent a few minutes chatting in the corridor. None of them noticed the young dwarf who had listened, hidden by a large stone pillar and was now walking away, dragging his feet.
***
As soon as Fili stepped into his bedroom and saw Kili sitting on the middle of their bed, he knew something was wrong. Kili’s eyebrows were frowning so hard they were nearly touching. The brown eyes were teary and that’s what took Fili aback the most. His brother was a little naïve and could sometimes be childish, but he was not a crybaby.
“I did or said something that hurt you,” Fili realized.
Kili, at least, was straightforward. “Yes,” he simply answered. Only Fili was so dear to Kili’s heart he could hurt him as deeply.
“If you are not telling me what it is, I have no way to make amend for it or try to fix whatever upsets you.”
There was still something angry and defiant in Kili’s eyes, but his gaze dropped, like he could not bear to look at his older brother anymore, “You should have told me you were courting a lad.”
It was Fili’s turn to frown. “What? I don’t understand.”
There was resentment in Kili’s voice when he spoke again.“I thought I’d be the first one you’d tell if you ever fell in love with someone.”
“Of course, but I –“
“And yet you told Balin instead,” the archer cut him off.
Fili was completely lost. This was not making any sense. “ I don’t-“
“I overheard your conversation. You knew I would be jealous. Is that why you lied to me?” the brunet insisted.
Lied to him? How? “Listen, Kili-“
“Who is your lover? Do I know him?”
“KILI!” the heir yelled, overwhelmed by all the accusations and realizing Kili would not let him speak if he did not force him. “Hear me out for the Maker’s sake!”
This time, Kili stayed quiet and waited, but the thin line of his mouth was enough to indicate his anger.
Fili took a deep breath to steady himself. “Yes, I told Balin about our courtship this morning,” he explained, as calmly as he could, “but I have absolutely no idea what you are speaking about because there has never been anybody else for me but you.”
Kili opened his mouth, ready to lash out at his brother again, but he closed it right away.“Our courtship,” he repeated in a confused whisper.
“Yes”
The archer’s eyes widened. “You mean… you and I?”
“Who else?”
“You are courting me!”
Fili laughed, thinking Kili was joking, but he soon fell silent, seeing that his brother’s face was deadly serious. “Wait a minute! You did not know?”
Kili looked even more distressed. “How was I supposed to know?” he muttered, taken aback by the realization.
“That’s what I’ve been doing for the past three years!!” Fili exclaimed in disbelief. “All the presents I gave you: what did you think they were for?”
“I thought you were just being nice!” Kili protested.
“And the kisses!!!!!? And the fact I offered you to share my bed?”
‘I don’t know! I did not really think it through. It just seemed natural to me! We’ve always been close!”
Fili could not believe they were having that discussion. “I told you I loved you many times, didn’t I?!”
“Yes! But you told me from the day I was born,” Kili reminded his brother, “and besides, you are bound to love me since you are my brother!! I did not think you meant that you loved me that way!!” He looked both sheepish and shocked.
Fili wanted to pull out his own hair. “Mahal, Kili!!! I thought I was making it pretty obvious! Did Balin not teach you about the courting traditions?”
“No! I brought up the subject during the lessons, but he got all weird and gave me a book to read but I forgot about it,” Kili argued, his face turning a rather violent shade of red. “And you know I’m not one to stare at old, dusty paper for hours!” he defended himself.
Fili forced himself to take a long breath. “That explains a lot of things,” he simply said. They did not speak for long seconds. Kili was just staring at him, with a blush on his face that didn’t seem to go away. Fili stared back, not sure what to say. He had been trying to seduce his sweet little brother for three years and Kili had not even noticed he was courted. He had been doing it all wrong, or maybe he had been too subtle and assumed Kili knew about his feelings. But now what?
“Are you disappointed to know it’s you and not some other lad?” Fili finally broke the silence and asked. He had to know. “How do you feel about it?”
The brunet did not answer right away. He stood up from the bed and walked up to his brother. Slowly, gently, he got closer to Fili and put his hands on the blond’s shoulders. Fili held his breath, waiting for an answer.
“I’m not disappointed, I’m relieved.” Nothing was complicated with Kili, and that was yet another thing Fili loved about him.“I’m sorry I did not realize you were courting me.”
Fili exhaled and relaxed. “You were not paying attention, once again…” Fili teased.
“No, you are wrong,” the brunet objected. “I was paying really close attention: because I thought it would not last- and that at some point you’d meet someone and forget about your little brother. So I wanted to live it fully while it was just you and I.”
Fili reached for his brother’s face and caressed his cheek. “Kili… you are a complete idiot, but I could never love anybody else the way I love you.”
The younger dwarf leaned into the touch on his stubble and smiled.“So it’s true, then. You are really going to marry me?”
“If you say yes to my official proposal.”
“And when will you propose?”
“Half a year from now.”
Kili pulled a face as he placed his arms around his brother’s neck. “Can I say “yes” already? Now seems to be a good time to me.”
Fili silenced him with a kiss. He could not expect his little brother to have his patience.