Chapter Text
Seoul, the city of opportunities, I left Busan to pursue my dreams, my parents were both artists in a way, my father is American and my mom is Korean, they met when mom was an exchange student and decided to move in her hometown for the rest of their lives, I had a good income at home, my father is a photographer and mom has a suit making business, so since I was little art was a part of my life. When I had decided I wanted to pursue the idol life they had their doubts but came to the decision to help me pursue my dreams, and so I had moved to Seoul, finished high school there while being a trainee under JYP.
I have an incredibly challenging life in the Idol industry, I keep battling for a position to debut. For a while now the company had decided that my level of skill was at my peak so I has been assigned to a new dance trainer, and I was a bit nervous, this trainer wasn’t just anyone but an ex-idol.
Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids, his group disbanded due to Christopher Bang’s death, after that the popular idol got into a drug scandal and went off the radar, eventually deciding to quit being under the bright lights of the industry. Now he’s a special trainer at JYP and keeps himself occupied with only the best trainees. He was viewed as harsh and critical by others and even by some teachers. We had a complicated relationship since we first met.
We were in the dance practice room, practicing a routine for an upcoming evaluation. I could barely stand to see the red walls and white strong lights from the studio. I was already exhausted and all he kept doing was yell at me and stand in my face while doing it. In the middle of the routine he stops the music and I sit on the ground huffing, my back was hurting.
‘’Damn you seem shittier every damn time I’ve seen you dance in the last week!’’ - Hyunjin commented with a harsh voice towards me. He looked at me with a face that spoke words he wouldn’t say, the bright lights inside contouring his sharp features.
It was awkward for the first weeks to be face to face with such a big name in the industry, but after I saw his real persona, it wasn’t so impressing anymore, but worse, I despised the dude.
Who would have ever imagined that the idol who looked like prince charming with long blonde locks and beautiful dark eyes would prove to be the damn devil?
‘’You’re the worst.’’ - I muttered, hoping he wouldn’t hear as I stood back up.
Hyunjin stepped slowly to the speakers and started the dance routine again ‘’And you’re not going to leave until you do a decent job.’’
I began moving again, letting my body feel the rhythm of the music, it was hard to concentrate with him looking at me so fiercely in the mirror, we were never on the same page , my big stubborn attitude and his excentric and mocking personality didn’t get along quite well.
As I finished the routine he just stood straight with his hands on his hips and looked at me for a few seconds ‘’That was barely enough, your steps aren’t consistent, and don’t even get me started on your footwork, how do you even expect me to approve of your routine when you barely manage to perfect some stupid moves that you shouldn’t get stuck on’’
But I knew that I did it right, but it was never enough for him, all he wanted was perfection, every little mistake I did was noticed by him in a second, and it made every fibre in my body boil with anger.
‘’Ok teach, I’ll d better.’’ - I said quietly, I still respect him when it’s the case, he is my teacher and a big name after all.
‘’Just saying that isn’t gonna cut it.’’ He looked at me with such an expression that I wanted to off myself right there. ‘’Well it better because that’s all I’ll do tonight..I am leaving!’’ I spat at him turned my back starting to walk towards my stuff rapidly to change my shoes and grab my bag.
I saw him in the reflection behind me ‘’Oh so now your just gonna leave because you still lack in your moves? Fine, go, but tomorrow I expect you to do better.’’ His tone was commanding and mean, his eyes had a dark stare and his brows were furrowed. I didn’t even look back, just closed the door of the studio, it was late anyway. As I waited for the elevator to reach the parking lot I looked for my car keys, barely containing myself with the level of anger I had. The doors finally opened and I rushed inside, starting the engine and leaving in the blink of an eye.
The next morning I sighed and knew what was waiting for me at the studio, so I dragged my legs out of my bed and tied my hair without even saying goodbye to my roommate who was in the bathroom. I lived in a dorm with other trainees, having access to a studio 24/7, but I mostly just used the studio I was training in with Hyunjin. I quickly rushed to my car.
But then I felt the sky crashing on me. It wouldn’t start, that was pure hell to me, I kept trying to start it, but it wouldn’t budge, and I had no time to waste, I left it there and just rushed to the bus station, my soul was crushed, the only thought I had is how would I even be able to fix my car.
Everyday felt pressuring, it was the same, go to JYP and get told you’re a bit old to debut since I was 21 by my manager, go to vocal lessons with Mrs. Hyolin, she was like a break during the day, she always praised me and told me I shouldn’t let my passion die because she knows I will get an opportunity at some point, then back at the studio with Mr.Hyunjin, though he wasn’t that much older than me, he’s 27 so I just call him teach.
Today was a particularly challenging day, just nothing seemed to go right and I was really tired from practicing half of the night, I just entered the dancing studio and closed the door behind me without saying anything, I saw his figure sitting at the small coffee table with the corner of my eye, a smug look on his face.
‘’What happened to your face? You look grotesque.’’ He sipped from his coffee like he didn’t give a damn about why actually, which he probably didn’t but just wanted to make my day worse than it already looked.
I turned to him and took a deep breath ‘’Can’t we just get this over with teach? I really am not in the mood today’’ I said with a hint of despair in my voice, hoping he would maybe at least for once let me be and sat down to change my shoes.
Instead Hyunjin rolled his eyes ‘’You’re in a bad mood since you first stepped foot in my studio. I don’t know what to believe anymore’’ he scoffed as he stood up and stretched ‘’Had a bad day leave me alone!!!’’ He mocked me and grinned, making way to the speaker system as usual.
I just stood there, looking at the ground, feeling ashamed, he didn’t stop.
‘’You’re wasting your talent Shay, you’re letting your hardships take control over, and that will absolutely do nothing in your favor, you’re less focused, less energic, you can absolutely do better than whatever this is right now!’’ He was already getting frustrated, every time he held such a ted talk about how I don’t do anything about my potential I just wanted to dig a grave and sit inside it.
‘’Ok, got it..please just stop already.’”
‘’ Yeah, I’ll stop” he paused and took a deep breath “ I don’t seem to get through to you anyway’’ he waved his hands in the air in frustration and started the song.
The first three times he stopped me before I could even reach half of the performance. He was in my ears nearly shouting at me, his tall figure towering over mine ‘’Too slow!’ or ‘’You’re rushing!’’ Like shouting will make me suddenly dance better.
He took a deep breath and sighed ‘’We will dance togheter, you will follow my moves.’’ It was clear from his tone he wouldn’t even try and give me the illusion of choice, it was an order.
I got beside him, and soon we both started to move along to the beats of the song, I was trying to keep myself focused, we moved togheter, I watched his footwork, tried getting his flow of the moves, it was an energic dance with lots of tempo changes, and I had to feel and remember every beat of it in order to perfect all aspects of it, but it was clear, having him dance beside me made it all better, I could see how I was supposed to move every inch, and I don’t even know why I was so surprised, he was amazing, I felt like I could never reach his level, the way he made every move look effortless, it was like breathing to him.
Once we finished I quickly sat down and breathed heavily, I knew he liked it by the way he didn’t say anything and just looked down at me with a blank expression.
‘’Good.’’ - Thats all he said, but to me it was finally a breather. Then it was like I heard death just a second away from pure bliss.
’’Again’’
I groaned ‘’Again??’’ He looked at me with a raised brow ‘’Yeah! again, is there any problem?’’ I sighed and stood up, rearranging my T-shirt . ‘’No teach.’’
We did it again and again, no breaks, outside it was getting late, but we were finally getting somewhere, he was walking around me as I continued the routine, feeling his gaze overanalysing every move I did, but this time, he didn’t comment, he liked it. I was feeling more confident. After a few hours we finally put a stop, it was nearly midnight.
‘’You finally got some courage.’’ He said with a hint of proudness in his voice
‘’Thanks I guess? Is this even a compliment?’’ I said with a huff, changing my shoes finally, I followed him with my eyes as he moved around the studio, gathering his stuff.
‘’Why would I ever try to compliment you? Just learn how to see a productive comment’’ he scoffed and stretched himself, then I stood up and looked at him in an ugly way ‘’Maybe learn to be nicer to your students.’’
‘’Never.’’ He said sarcastically.
Before I could comment I realised that since it’s night, no buses are running anymore, so I turned to him ‘’Yo teach… know any cab numbers?’’
‘’Uh yeah, why? Where is your car?’’ He looked at me curiously.
‘’Well…it broke down this morning and I had to rush’’ he nodded and sent me one number ‘’There, they are a nonstop line, in case you ever find trouble like this again.’’ He picked up his bag and opened the door. ‘’See you tomorrow when you have your evaluation .’’
‘’Yes sir.’’ I bowed him goodbye and wanted to call the cab, but realised I didn’t have enough money so, the only choice I had was to take the long way home by walking, it was just an hour long walk but it felt like forever from how tired I was.
Next morning, my verification arrived, I did not have time to look at my car, so it was left untouched in the parking lot once again. Took the bus, ate a sandwich on the way there and rushed inside the building. I forgot to tie my hair and just decided I will deal with it at the company.
As soon as I reached the studio, I saw everyone else waiting for the evaluation to start, inside there was our manager, Mrs. Hyolin, Mr. Hyunjin and Jyp’s agent. As a few minutes went by, they started calling trainees inside, some came out crying, because they did not reach the goal and so, they have been kicked out of the agency, and very few came out satisfed. I kept speaking with the rest of my friends about passing this verification, we all were a bit nervous but a few of us remained since the very start, and had potential to keep going forward on this road. I was more nervous about Hyunjin. This was my first verification under his watch and I felt my palms sweating from emotions.
They opened the door, and called my name “Shay Kang, enter inside the exam room.” I took a deep breath and stepped inside, I bowed to everyone and I first started with the vocal verification. Everyone was pleased, I sang “To be with You” By Kihyun and finished the song successfully, I was sure it was good from the happy expression Miss Hyolin had. “Good, now onto the dancing examination, you shall present us your new routine.’’ I took a deep breath and nodded towards the manager, at the end of the table sat Hyunjin, his gaze intense.
I press play, get into position, and start letting myself feel the natural flow of the moves, calculating my next move and coordination along the song, I was confident and well paced, feeling my body burn with determination to get it right. I chose the song ‘’Baseline’’ from Bts’s J-hope.
I wasn’t planning on getting out of this company anytime soon, and couldn’t even imagine making Hyunjin feel like he was right by judging me in the last month, I was going to show him that I will become the next big sensation, and that he should eat his own words.
I finished the routine, and looked in his eyes intensely, sweat dripping down my forehead as I took deep breaths, and I saw it, a smile of satisfaction, I didn’t care about anybody else but him in that moment, he had a sly smile and flipped pen trough his fingers, placing it back on the table and leaning on the chair.
‘’She passed.’’ It was satisfying to see Teach looking proud, like giving a candy to a small child, my chest was full of happiness.
‘’You made her a monster!’’ Miss Hyolin said with an expression of shock ‘’She’s a dancing machine Hyunjin, great job!’’ She clapped happily.
All he did was chuckle as he made his next statement ‘’She still has a lot to learn’’ only to then shoo me out the exam room next. I said goodbye and left happily to see my friends who were waiting for me.
After all the evaluations were done, I was waiting for Hyunjin inside the studio, nearly sleeping on myself from exhaustion. I sat comfortably on the red sofa that wasn’t all that comforting actually and felt proud of my achievements for the day, except my broken car sure.
When I heard the door open I immediately sat up ‘’Evening teach’’ I looked towards his direction.
He entered and closed the door behind him. ‘’Good job, I still have to deal with your annoying ass for a month.’’ He clapped three times sarcastically, a smug on his face was present, like all the times he makes fun of me. I didn’t comment anything and just rolled my eyes, followed by a deep yawn
Hyunjin looked at me with a raised brow ‘’What’s with you? Tired already?’’
Nodded and answered ‘’Last night apparently I asked for a cab number but realised I had no money, so I arrived a lot late than usual, practiced and barely had any sleep, my car is still broken’’ I shrugged my shoulders in a pity worthy manner and looked at him expecting he will absolutely make fun of me, instead I saw a puzzled expression on his face, or maybe was that…a hint of worry?
‘’You mean you walked towards your dorm at 1 in the morning?’’ He asked concerned, not in any exaggerated way, but still visible, and well..I nodded yes
He sighed ‘’Why did you not tell me you didn’t have any money to go home?’’ He put his hands on his hips, looking like a mom at this point.
‘’Well…I didn’t think it was necessary and more than that, why should I tell you?’’ I was confused as to why he looked so troubled
‘’You should have told me Shay, it really is not all right to walk alone at such an hour towards your dorm…’’ he paused and took a breath ‘’What’s wrong with your car?’’
I shrugged ‘’I don’t really know, and didn’t have time to check…nor will I have anytime soon, plus…I don’t know shit about cars, I just suspect it might be the battery’’ I played with my ring as I spoke
‘’Im driving you back to the dorm today, I will take a look at your car’’ I nearly broke my neck from how fast I darted my head towards him from pure shock
‘’You really don’t need to!’’ I waved my hands in the air
‘’You did good today, it’s the least I can do right? I know I called you here after evaluations, but I expected to have a lot of comments about your performance today, and the only thing I can say is..You still kinda suck at precision, that’s all. Now grab your stuff. I’m not going to plead you to let me take you home.’’
I nodded instantly and charged at my clothes and bag to get them ‘’ Yes Sir!’’
From his perspective I probably looked like a poor dog in the rain, he scrolled on his phone for a few minutes and then we were ready to go. We closed the lights and headed for the elevator. When the doors opened, I could really feel the cold air from outside hit my face, these days it’s been really chilly and rainy, couldn’t wait to get in his car and warm myself up. I was really curious to see what car would be Hyunjin’s, and my jaw dropped.
A midnight black ford mustang blinked it’s lights as it unlocked in the front row, the words came out my mouth before I could even think ‘’Nooo fucking way this is your car’’ I muttered shocked at him, then looked back at the car.
He laughed really loudly ‘’And if it’s mine what are you going to do about it? Cut my tires?’’ He walked towards it nonchalantly.
‘’It’s just genuinely cool!’’ To be excited about getting a ride in that car was an understatement, I practically jumped around it before getting inside ‘’This is like a dream come true, I swear’’ I made myself comfortable in the passenger seat and buckled up
He smiled a bit as he watched me and untied his hair, never expected teach to have such a cool car.
‘’I’m glad you like it, I guess’’ he shrugged and we left the parking lot, we didn’t really talk. I looked inside the car and analysed it of a few moments but I could feel sleep taking over my body, slowly.
Before I knew I had dozed off in the seat, snuggling myself with my hoodie.
Hyunjin noticed at that moment, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned down the radio and turned on the heating in the seats. Making this road much more comfortable, even if it wasn’t that long.
Hyunjin always knew Shay’s potential, the only way he thought he could help her was by pushing her limits, but that just made them really bitchy with eachother, reactive, loud and mean. He felt like she never gave her best, like she always held back on her actual skills, and that just made him want to pressure her more.
Some time had passed and eventually he parked his car inside the dorm’s parking lot, beside her’s. Then Hyunjin nudged her a little ‘’Wake up, Shay’’ he spoke a bit louder and I opened my eyes slowly, blinking away my sleep and looking at him, I immediately sat up straight ‘’Oh Gosh, I am so sorry I fell asleep!’’
He laughed a little and spoke up ‘’Don’t worry, now get out of my car’’ as he opened his door and so I did, getting out with him. We walked towards my car and Hyunjin told me to open my hood.
I didn’t have any expensive car, just a Peugeot 207 my dad gave me when I got my license. I opened the car and hood, he took a look and then I gave him the keys to try and start it, when he noticed that it didn’t wanna budge he just smiled sheepishly ‘’Well this is funny’’ I raised a brow and tapped my foot on the ground ‘’Well, what’s so funny?’’
He walked towards his car and opened the trunk, taking out two cables of different colours. ‘’Do you know what these are?’’. I took a careful look ‘’Um..cables for the car’s battery?’’ And he nodded approving my answer. ‘’Your car doesn’t have any electricity’’
I let out a long ‘’Ooooh’’ and hummed, he also opened his hood and started his engine, connecting one end of the cables to his car battery and the other to mine, he sat in the drivers seat and revved his engine, letting a loud sound echo through the whole place, he got out and pointed me to my car ‘’Now you can start your car, but you need to leave with it, drive it around a few kilometres and it should be fine from now on’’ he reconnected the cables and put them back, closing both hoods.
I was feeling really grateful, I didn’t really have anyone to help me with these things anymore, I could call my dad but he was also busy his job, so we didn’t have always time to talk. I also didn’t know how I could repay Hyunjin back for his kindness, which was weird to think of since, he never has really done something nice for me. I stood there beside my car, looking at him with an honest expression:
‘’I really don’t know how I could repay you, thanks a lot teach’’ I bowed to him shortly and he waved his hand carelessly
‘’Please don’t, It’s nothing, I don’t wanna hear about it alright ? Make sure to drive your car’’ he walked back towards his drivers seat and left without adding anything to the conversation.
I watched as he left, standing beside my car, decided It’s not worth it to stand with my mouth open and got in my seat, leaving to drive around the place. As soon as I got back I noticed a new email in my inbox I opened it, seeing it was from my manager, and it read:
‘’Hello Shay! This is your manager, when you arrive at the agency tomorrow I want you to come to my office, we have a proposition that you cannot refuse, we might debut you soon! So please drop by when your schedule starts. Have a good night.’’
I gasped and covered my mouth in awe, getting up from my chair and jumping around the room, darting towards my phone na calling my mother, to tell her the news, she didn’t answer though, and just sent her a screenshot of the email along with an exciting message.
Barely slept that night as I tossed and turned in the bed, my roommate wasn’t home that night so I had the place for myself, which was good once in a while.