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“Kanade.”
Mafuyu’s voice beside her, low and soft, tugs Kanade out of her dozing. If she opened her eyes now, she could see her face, whether she’d opened her eyes, whether she was looking at her, whether she was illuminated by the light of the monitor or the moon. She can still feel Mafuyu’s quiet attention in the way her arms are still wrapped around her body, holding her close, the way her fingers press against her back with uneven pressure, as if she’s avoiding unseen bruises. Maybe they’re both trying to dance around hurting each other, in a way. Mafuyu hadn’t wanted to be alone. Kanade hadn’t let her. It’s too hot to reasonably excuse sharing a bed, and for a girl who felt so cold, who claimed to be the same, Mafuyu is warm. Kanade lets her clutch her anyway. She keeps her eyes closed, her breaths even.
“...I can’t tell if you’re awake,” Mafuyu says, her voice damped in the hot silence of the night. The air is almost sticky, clinging to their skin like the blankets they’d discarded earlier. It holds Mafuyu’s words captive, the same way Kanade holds her breath, her heart in her throat.
“I missed you, I think,” she continues, voice flat and exposed. As if Kanade could unravel the threads of her words down to her heart, tug it apart in her hands. “I don’t know if that is the right phrase.”
She holds Kanade closer. Kanade melts just a little more, relaxing into the pillow they share, letting her head nestle just next to Mafuyu’s neck, shifting how their legs press against each other. Mafuyu sighs, a fragile wisp of a sound. Kanade wants to capture it, in the sense of an image, something too delicate to handle and too precious to destroy. A balm, for when Mafuyu’s gone again.
“I don’t know if I should tell you this when you’re awake.”
Mafuyu goes silent, the whir of fans and the distant chirps of cicadas serving as an interlude, an intermission. The quiet is achingly human, her breathing and Mafuyu’s woven together.
“I wish I loved you,” she says. Kanade stays still, tempers her heart. She can faintly hear Mafuyu’s pulse in her throat, a muffled rush. Mafuyu’s hands tense against her back. Mafuyu’s breath stutters, catching like a record. Mafuyu whispers, “I want to. I want to be with you. I don’t want you to leave. I want to keep you to myself.”
She trembles. Kanade leans into her, nuzzling closer, her heartbeat betraying her consciousness. Mafuyu doesn’t seem to notice, clinging back with equal fervor.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m selfish.” Mafuyu inhales deeply, the air shuddering back out. “But I want you to wait until I can love you. It hurts.” Her voice pitches into something higher, more wavering, more vulnerable. “I want to love you. I don’t know if I can.”
“I’ll wait," Kanade says.
She blinks open her eyes now, pulling back to look at Mafuyu properly. Mafuyu's eyes are wide, moonlight catching on the seedlings of tears in the corners. Kanade smiles, reaching a hand to cradle Mafuyu’s face. She presses their foreheads together, ignoring the way that her sweaty skin and hair clings to Mafuyu. Mafuyu responds with a broken noise between a hum and a whine.
“Would you?” It’s almost as if she has a fever again, laying her guarded heart exposed only asking for care in return. Kanade nods.
“I think I want to love you too,” she says, tucking Mafuyu’s heat-damp hair behind her ear with a smile. Mafuyu’s eyes begin to close under her touch, and her breathing slows. She’s warm beneath Kanade’s hands. Kanade chases that warmth into sleep.