Work Text:
It was a normal day at whatever the fuck the college is that Yoosung Kim goes to is
and unfortunately for everyone around him Yoosung did in fact still attend this place.
Well "attend" was debatable. Bro had not opened a book since he got there, wasting his top of class/class president potential- he decided to throw his life away and play LOLOL all day and all night for endless amounts of time and think about how sad he was that his cousin (who he was in love with???) was dead. He basically only came to school to sleep through class and show up at clubs he had never shown any interest in before to torment them with his bleach blond presence and disturbingly long torso.
And by some odd miracle this Adrien Agreste looking motherfucker had bagged a baddie to the nth degree. Well... He didn't actually know if she was hot because he hadn't ever seen her before, but if she were anything like his DEAD COUSIN then he was sure she was SMOKIN HOT
anyway he had been chatting with babes online for about 5 days now and since that's totally definitely enough time to not only get to know someone but to fall in love with them, he was head over heels for this MC chick. Even if he had never seen her face or spoken to her in person he was sure she was just as lovely, amazing, responsible, beautiful, and sexy as his DEAD. COUSIN.
SO now Yoosung's at home because I said so and I'm writing the fic, and he's all like "Wow wouldn't it be great to play some LOLOL even though I think I quit this game in canon like two days ago??" and he sat his bitch ass down and logged on to waste more of his youth and potential on a game because Yoosung knows not of moderation.
Bro is on the grind, in the #grindset when it suddenly occurs to him to check the RFA group chat because the only way he can sext his new cousi- I mean girlfriend.
Much to the hair clip wearing fuck's dismay the only people online currently were Zen and Jaehee.
Zen was basically like "hey buddy, maybe it ISN'T good to not only insist you're in love with this girl whom you've never met, but also put her on this pedestal and insist she's the same as your late cousin. Maybe we don't do that,"
And since I think the bleach from his hair had probably seeped into his brain at this point he essentially said, "If not Rika- Then why Rika shaped????" and sent his fuckass moaning weeping emoji
Zen and Jaehee did whatever the chatroom equivalent of backing away slowly is and yoosung hopped back on LOLOL because the incel grind never stops- even when you have a faceless gf.
JUST THEN he heard a crash klahsgjhskjfklsjkfjdsk sound from behind him. He turned and saw someone who looked suspiciously like Seven with a shitty bleach job standing in a pile of shattered glass in front of his broken window.
"Hello I'm here to talk to you about your car's extended warranty," the Saeran said maniacally, "Could you please show me a... Proof of Employment?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO N-NOT A BIG BOY GROWN UP PERSON WORD!!! RESPONSIBILITIES NOOOO I CAN'T I- I MISS MY SEXY HOT ATTRACTIVE DEAD COUSIN TOO MUCH TO FILL OUT A- A JOB APPLICATION" the pathetic loser boy whimpered because he's a pathetic loser
JUste THEN another crash hkhaksdjfkjsljdfk noise came from the window that was right next to the other now broken window, glistening in the light of the glorious dawn a figure emerged from the shadows. Hovering above the shattered glass with his divine power the all mighty figure floated over to the Yoosung.
"44th President of the United States BAraCK OBAMA????" Yoosung and Saeran said in unison
"be not afraid- I am the harbinger of justice and all that is right... YOOSUNG MY CHILD YOU MUST CHANGE, I HAVE HOPE THAT YES YOU CAN BECOME A FUNCTIONING MEMBER OF SOCIETY" and with a glowing light Obama sacrificed his beauty to create the most important document in American History............... the little ceasars job application
When faced with the glorious light of the etherial doc he shriveled up into the corner, his skin dissolving and flying off in the wind gracefully. As he melted away into oblivion a mysterious anvil or three fell out of the rift in the space time continuum that Obama had ripped and fell on his barely existent hair in a way that hurt him and his bitchass incredibly.
Obama and Saeran looked at each other from across the room and resolved to make out passionately as they stood atop the dust that the world once called Yoosung. Holding hands they collected his dust, rolled it into a blunt and smoked it on the porch with Elizabeth the 3rd.
and then I came over and like stabbed the pile of smoke a dust a couple more times to cause as much damage to yoosung as humanly possible.
AND NOW THAT MC WAS FREE FROM THIS BLOND DIPSHIT'S CLUTCHES she realized what she should have known all along... that Seven was the hottest one there and so they ran off together and did the actual plot of the games minus yoosung and got the ultimate happy ending where they are happily married and yoosung is very dead.
YIPPEEE