Chapter Text
The first time Sirius met the love of his life, he didn't know it yet.
It was the first of September, and cleverly, the leaves falling from the trees were already dyed in shades of orange and deep brown. He had never paid much attention to that—until he did.
When he saw him, he stared the way one looks at a god, at a king, the way a slave would gaze upon their pharaoh, a painter at his masterpiece, a reader at their favorite book.
He studied every detail of him as if it were the last thing he would ever want in the world. He focused on his hands—the slender, pale, and bruised fingers holding a large orange leaf—and his honey-colored eyes, wide open and scanning everything like they were the most precious thing in existence.
If Remus wanted a collection of leaves, Sirius would gather them all. He would walk through the entire forest, picking them up one by one.
Remus Lupin had scars on his face and seemed somewhat detached from the world around him. But the boy named James was lively and loud, chatting endlessly about everything and anything to keep the conversation alive.
"I want to be in Gryffindor. It was my mum and dad's house, and that's where the brave go," said the boy with round glasses.
"So do I..." Remus answered quietly, stroking his left hand.
Peter chimed in excitedly, talking about the other houses with wide-eyed wonder.
Sirius didn't know why, but he found it pleasant—talking with them on the train ride to Hogwarts. Especially because Remus wanted to go to Gryffindor. Sirius knew he would end up there with him.
Pleasant—it was a feeling he barely recognized, but one that ran through him, making his skin tingle.
He never imagined how often he would feel that magical connection with him. With another boy.
Was it wrong?
"Remus," he heard his own still-high voice say. He didn't know yet how much that name would come to mean to him.
By that time, Sirius would already be wounded—after a heated argument with his mother, filled with cruel threats involving the words disinherit and disown.
James, Remus, and Peter.
He also met Lily Evans—but she didn't catch his interest nearly as much. And Severus Snape? Definitely not. —It took him nearly two years to even tolerate speaking to Snape, and only because Remus had asked so kindly, almost as a suggestion.—
The second time was different too. Remus would help him with his notes, more approachable than Sirius Black, heir to the Black family, could ever allow himself to be.
Soon, they became inseparable.
Yet, somehow, Sirius realized he didn't feel the same talking to James as he did when exchanging even a few words with Remus.
With Remus Lupin, everything was clearer, as if time itself stopped and nothing else existed.
He could spend hours listening to him without ever growing tired.
He simply couldn't stop himself from falling so hopelessly, so deeply in love with him.
He loved the free afternoons—when James was off flying as Quidditch captain or chasing after Evans (who dodged him as much as possible). Or when Peter disappeared somewhere, leaving just him and Moony.
His Moony.
Only his.
He had never experienced anything like this—never anything but hatred and coldness. But with his Moony, everything turned unexpectedly warm.
He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks.
He loved resting on Remus's lap, letting him tangle his fingers through his hair, giving him soft, loving massages as they talked about their day—or anything, really, because Sirius only wanted to hear him speak.
"Who are you taking to the dance, Sirius?" his beloved Moony asked, turning a page in his book.
Sirius, curled in his lap, grinned.
"Would you like to go with me?" he asked, so boldly that when he opened his storm-gray eyes, he found the most beautiful sight in the world:
Remus, cheeks bright red like roses, hair fluttering in the breeze, lips pressed tightly together.
"Of course," he said, smiling shyly.
It was so natural being with him, as if they had known each other forever.
Was it wrong to stay, even if Remus didn't know that Sirius was hopelessly, desperately in love with him?
He imagined so many things.
Wise men—as Severus Snape once told him—say only fools rush in.
But Sirius could never stop falling deeper in love with Remus Lupin, every single day.
Like a river flowing inevitably and confidently into the sea—some things were simply meant to happen.
Was it a sin to drown in his gaze a little more each day?
"Take my hand, Moony, and never let it go," he thought. "I would die if you did. Die if you left me.
You can take my soul if you wish—my life—because in this life, and in every life after, I could never stop loving you, three times over."
They would dance the whole night away, parting only from an excess of love.
Sirius knew—he saw it—the gleam in Remus's precious, unique eyes as they moved in perfect synchrony.
"Everyone's staring," Remus whispered nervously.
Sirius smiled so wide it made his cheeks hurt.
"It doesn't matter, as long as we're together. Right? Always together, as it's meant to be," he said, squeezing their intertwined hands.
Sirius would always look at him with eyes full of love—from the first day, until his very last breath.
His whole soul belonged to Remus.
His whole being.
Let him hurt him, scold him, love him—anything, anything, as long as he stayed by his side.
He imagined it—and couldn't help the smile that slipped from his lips.
In Moony's brown eyes, he found all the answers to the questions he never knew how to ask.
When he looked at him, Sirius felt the sweet trembling of his soul.
Remus wasn't a stranger. He was the intruder who had opened the doors of his heart from the first moment they spoke, the first moment they looked at each other, the first time they touched.
Remus would be the promise of tenderness Sirius had always been waiting for—like the sea awaiting the caress of the moon every night.
He wanted to be the shelter where Remus could rest his weariness.
The first breath of the morning to remind him he was no longer alone.
The last voice he would hear at night, knowing he was loved in a way that demanded nothing, hurt nothing, and abandoned nothing.
He loved him as one loves the sacred: patiently, with wonder, with that silent devotion that needs no promises—because just breathing him in was enough to give meaning to everything.
"I want to dance in your joys and guard your silences," he thought.
He wanted him to be free—even beside him—because anything true doesn't need chains.
And he only ever wanted Remus to stay, day after day, finding peace in his arms.
Every night, staring at the radiant moon, Sirius wondered:
Could he send his heart, his soul, even his life—if it meant setting his love free?
So that when death came for him—as it does for everyone—he could finally rest, knowing he had loved him fully.
Nothing in the world mattered.
Nothing in the world belonged to him the way Remus's heart did.
He knew it.
That's why he chose to confess on Valentine's Day, carrying an enormous bouquet of pink and yellow flowers, with a nervous expression and his friends behind him for support.
There he was—Remus Lupin—just as beautiful as always, reading a book at the Great Hall, blissfully unaware of the way they approached him.
When he finally looked up, Sirius's cheeks flushed a brilliant scarlet against his pale skin.
He took a deep breath, trying to remember all the things he had rehearsed the night before.
But when he opened his mouth, only the pure truth spilled out:
"Remus Lupin... I have loved you since the first time we met on the Hogwarts Express.
Today, I wish—no, I yearn—for you to be my partner.
My heart has been lonely, and yours has been sad.
I see no other path but the one with you by my side.
Everything bad ends when we're together.
Will you allow me to go wherever you go?
Can we be together forever? Forever and always?"
Remus's face turned as red as Lily Evans's hair.
A shy, beautiful smile blossomed on his face.
"Forever and always, Sirius Black," he accepted.
He accepted.
Oh well... maybe next time.
Wait—
He accepted!
.
.
.
.
It was their first date as an official couple. Remus had just finished applying lip balm while Lily was talking about how she should paint her nails a dark color.
"Do I look okay?" Remus had never considered himself particularly insecure, but he was absolutely certain that, just to please Sirius, he could be whatever he asked him to be. Anything he wanted would be fine.
It was strange — just a few years ago, he had looked at him and hadn't felt the slightest bit of interest. But now, every gentle touch was a caress to his soul and comforted his heart, his breath left his lungs slowly, like it was something therapeutic.
"Is this what love looks like?" she would ask, far too amused, settling into her bed once more.
He couldn't quite explain when Lily Evans had become such a prominent part of his life. Honestly, Remus had always preferred the company of his male friends. But Lily had slipped into his routine overnight — starting by sitting with him at breakfast, then studying together, and ending the day watching Sirius and James play Quidditch — whether it was practice or a match. They had become extremely close friends. Probably also because Evans was dating Potter.
"You look gorgeous, Remus. Go get your man!" she encouraged, standing up to hold his hand and practically dragging him outside.
In February, it was still quite cold, the air sent chills that froze the blood, and the sun wasn't exactly comforting either. Most people were still wearing cardigans, jackets, hats, or other warm clothes. There was even snow — maybe for another date they could make snowmen... or, with the Christmas fever still lingering, get inspired to bake cookies.
"Moony!" he heard the call. He turned quickly, locking eyes with Sirius, who came running full speed toward him.
He opened his arms, receiving the hug — rather affectionate for a first date — but he didn't mind.
Sooner than expected, Sirius had already taken his hand, and with a smile brighter than the sun, they started walking together toward the shops in Hogsmeade.
They bought everything — chocolates, scarves, little accessories, nail polish, books...
"Herbology?" Sirius asked, holding the new book, and Remus nodded.
"No, Black. Transfiguration," Severus replied sarcastically as he passed by, hand in hand with Bruce Mulciber. As far as Remus knew, the two Slytherins had been dating for about a year.
And he had to admit something — Mulciber had changed for the better because of Severus... and Severus had followed Mulciber on the same path. It made him feel oddly proud.
"Look at them, look at them! They've got matching hair pins to show they're a couple. Why don't we have that, my darling?" Remus' cheeks flushed pink.
"Maybe we could buy one..." he mumbled under his breath.
"Of course we'll buy one!"
Remus had always loved Sirius because he radiated joy and said exactly what he thought. Remus had believed that love was that vow of devotion in front of an altar, staying together for an undefined amount of time and occasionally locking eyes.
But it wasn't like that.
Love was the most beautiful and profound thing in the universe. It was in every touch, every action. Love was that feeling in his stomach when Sirius did something embarrassing and, instead of getting annoyed, he saw it as something endearing.
Love was every night they shared a bed, ignoring Potter's and Pettigrew's complaints.
Love was in the way Sirius touched his scars, like he was tracing a pattern of pale ink across every old and new mark.
Love was that perfect feeling — baking cookies together, visiting places they had never explored, going on nighttime walks. Love was counting Sirius' eyelashes while he slept.
That's why, that very morning, they bought matching pins. Once again, vowing eternal love to each other.