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He couldn't believe it. In the early hours of the morning, on a Monday school night no less, Katsuki Bakugou jolted awake to the obnoxious sound of someone bashing their hand repeatedly against his door. Frantic and forceful pounding that drills through your head and drives you utterly insane.
Honestly the fact that anyone was brave enough to risk waking him up in the middle of the night was perplexing in itself. Let alone someone battering his door loud enough you'd think the wood would splinter. Clearly, the person responsible must be very desperate, despairing to such a level they thought this was a logical course of action, who in their right mind would willingly wake up Katsuki Bakugou?
The blond was half unconscious and dazed as he stirred from his sleep blinking drowsily, tilting his head to the side he squinted. The only object visible through the pitch black of his room was the glowing red alarm clock, glaringly reminding him of how much sleep he had still yet to have. His eyes scan over the numbers “4:11am” and he frowns. His eyes slowly shift in the general direction of the door with a grimace and irritation across his features.
"What the hell do you want!? The dorm better be on fire or I will actually kill you!!! I swear to god!!!" Although having just been rudely pulled into consciousness several hours before he had to wake up, Katsuki almost immediately sounds just as hot headed as usual. How he could manage to conjure the energy to start yelling the second he opens his eyes is unbeknownst to anyone.
He just hoped to god that his aggressive outburst at whoever was behind the door would scare them enough that they'd think better on their decision and retreat whilst Katsuki still doesn't know the name of who woke him. It's just typical he wouldn't get that lucky.
The person persists, "We need your help with something". The voice is instantly recognizable as a certain classmate with an ever calm and monotone voice, completely unfazed by the raging threat of death from the other. No surprise of anyone that Todoroki was the one most willing to wake him up in the event of a crisis, he was never startled by Bakugo being... Well himself. Much to the irritation of the loud teen, whose exaggerated responses to everything juxtaposed with Todoroki’s usually minimal reactions.
Katsuki begrudgingly got up, pulling himself from his bed felt as if his limbs were made of lead and his head was as heavy as a bowling ball, it didn't help that the floor and room in general were freezing cold everywhere but his covers. Every fiber of his being wanted to go back to bed. He stormed across his room and aggressively swung the door open glaring daggers at Todoroki.
"Alright, you've got three seconds, and it better be important" he angrily mutters, prepared to send him to an early grave if it's anything short of an absolute emergency. Honestly the only reason he was entertaining this was on the off chance it actually was an emergency.
Todoroki stands there honestly looking similarly tired to bakugo himself, hair slightly messy and out of place and eyes not fully focused or present, like he wasn't awake prior to five minutes ago. He looks about as worried as he really can look, the boy is very hard to read and is rarely ever at all expressive, but anyone who knows him well can always read his emotions. What looks as "blank faced" to most can be identified as worry.
"Midoryia is asking for you. Well not asking more... Shouting In his sleep really..." Todoroki stares a bit blankly, still looking half asleep and maybe even more tired than bakugo is.
Katsuki pauses, waiting for him to continue, honestly any kind of elaboration would have been much appreciated. But upon realizing that really was all the information he was gonna get he breaks the silence. "In his sleep? A nightmare then, that's what you mean?" he almost snaps back, slightly irritated at how vague Todoroki is being.
It annoys him, people being needlessly vague, Bakugo is blunt and never hesitates to share his opinions, he'd prefer people just "get to the fucking point", as he says a lot when people won't stop mumbling and rambling, that person usually being Izuku. And whilst Todoroki himself can be blunt it's usually unintentional, not understanding when he comes across as rude and certainly not meaning it.
"Well yeah pretty much" Todoroki mumbles before falling into an awkward silence again, he really does look tired, having also been woken up in the dead of night it's easy to understand why.
"...and you thought I could help?" Katsuki asks skeptically, his face scrunching up with a look of doubt and slight disbeleif. He knows that he's no one's first choice for a comforting presence and he wouldn't even be offended if someone said so to his face. "Well what about the extras? what made you think I'd be more comforting than his actual friends?"
"he's calling out your name... Or well his nickname for you, but my point still stands, he's yelling for you specifically... And for the record you are one of his friends, despite how much you insist you're not included as such" Todoroki replies in confidence.
Katsuki wants to bite back like he used to, to angrily insist they aren't friends, "I'm not h-!" He stops himself, regretting his almost snap, he lets out a long exaggerated and clearly still tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. "we're not actually friends, you know? At this rate I'm lucky he even tolerates me"
Todoroki rolls his eyes at that, how can Bakugo still believe Midoriya merely tolerates him? Anyone with a working pair of eyes could see how Izuku stares at the hot headed blond in star-stricken awe, nothing less of pure delight across his features every time Bakugo has a nice, or even just civil moment towards him.
Only a delusional person would think he only "tolerates" him and said delusional person is certainly bakugo. Izuku is a smiley person by nature, but near Katsuki he beams.
Todoroki breaks the silence suddenly without warning with an unprompted question "...You don't suppose it's possible Midoryia might be calling for you because he’s upset that he saw you die, do you?" Todoroki almost blurts, looking like he had regretted bringing up such a sensitive subject the second it left his mouth. The caught off guard, wide eyed stare on the blond's face makes it clear he made an error in judgement.
Upon the mention of when he died, Katsuki wanted to scream, filled so suddenly with a deep sinking dread and burning anger all at once that made his heart ache and his breath catch uncomfortably in his throat. All his thoughts scream at him with only one objective in mind, "make him stop talking right now".
"No! No I don't think so" he shouts angrily, completely snapping, trying to immediately shut down any and all conversation revolving around... that. He hates thinking about it, and therefore he downright refuses to even discuss it.
The other startles, and for once Todoroki actually is taken aback by one of Bakugo’s outbursts, because the outbursts he's used to never have that kind of desperation in them, never have that sheer panic. It felt so genuinely on instinct, haphazardly spewing out exactly what comes to your mind in that moment.
Katsuki tries to steady his breathing, expression looking almost surprised like he had caught himself off guard with how he reacted, the realization kicking in had him quickly looking ashamed, he scoffs and then glares at the ground.
"Sorry, I overstepped..." Todoroki Isn't really sure how to fix it, anything that would work for others would likely just anger him. How do you comfort a person who down right refuses any help?
"...Are you ok-" Todoroki is cut off mid sentence by Bakugo grabbing his arm and speed walking toward the stairs, dragging him along, "I'm fine! You said the nerd is calling for me? Then we're going!" Clearly a thinly veiled attempt to switch subjects, which to Katsuki's credit worked, though he wouldn't be able to avoid it forever. Or rather he'd forever be running away from the way it felt.
When face to face with Shigaraki, at a certain point Katsuki knew he was going to die, that much was obvious, when staring completely dazed at his hands and watching his own blood dribble into them. His thoughts and words came out more like incoherent mumbling rather than an actually decipherable sentence. He still couldn't tell you how he found the strength to do what he did in such a state, but truth be told all he could think about was Izuku.
He truly cares for Izuku, it's just complicated. Katsuki doesn't understand why Izuku forgives him, nor the comfort he finds in Katsuk's presence. But every time he looks into Izuku's beaming eyes, baring into his soul with nothing but pure admiration, it hurts knowing he doesn't deserve this, how could someone like him still receive glances filled with nothing short of love.
But against his better judgement and regardless of his clear apprehension at first, he still found himself leading the way to Izuku's dorm room, dragging along a very concerned Todoroki who was on his way to becoming a nervous wreck at this point, worried for his friends.
The two don't say anything as they walk down the stairs to get to izuku's dorm, both too tired and unsure to even start a conversation about anything going on. It's not an uncomfortable silence however. It's almost calm to not have to think of things to say, but also not be alone. There's a certain momentary peace that comes with trusting a person enough to silently be in their company.
The peace doesn't last for long however and Katsuki almost flinches when he gets close enough to hear it. Pulled from his thoughts so abruptly, he hears Izuku let out a heart wrenching, piercing cry that would stab through even the toughest person's heart. Barely a second after he loudly screams out "Kacchan!” Bursting into another fit of hysterical sobs.
It was one thing to be told about this and another thing entirely to witness, words could never capture the disconcerting nature of the wailing. He hates hearing that name screamed with the desperation and pain of someone who had just witnessed death. He never saw Izuku's reaction when he died, only hearing about it via second hand accounts, but he's beginning to imagine it sounded something like that.
He subconsciously picks up speed, and continues till the two both reach the room. Residing just outside was about half the class, mostly consisting of the classmates whose dorms are neighboring Izuku's, none made any move to try to wake their green haired friend up.
Uraraka looks up at Katsuki, a deep concern and sadness in her eyes, she's the type to wear her heart on her sleeves, she feels deeply others emotions as if they were her own, a true empath. Bakugo had always respected her strength, as early as the sports festival completely defying the notion pushed by others that she was frail, he knew she was a worthy rival, but overtime grew to respect her empathetic nature as well.
The door to the room was shut, but still barely stifled the cries of the boy on the other side. It was silent for merely seven seconds since he arrived and it already felt like an eternity.
"Why are you all just standing there like a bunch of fucking morons!? Just wake him up already!" He impulsively and without hesitation yanks the door handle, not waiting a second long enough to question why exactly no-one else had opened it yet, nor to hear the sheer alarm in his classmates voices. Not that it would take him long to realize, he squints into the dark room.
He immediately startles going wide eyed and ducks to the floor, avoiding by a hair Izuku sending black whip shooting from his hand right out the door through the hallway, smashing through the window at the other side. Multiple of his classmates also had to duck out of the way, but it's clear they expected this, they knew this was a problem.
Katsuki will admit it was definitely impressive. Izuku nearly managed to get a hit on him while unconscious no less, he really will never be able to catch up to him, but that idea upsets him less and less as time goes by, he never expected, but he finds himself more content with izuku's strength, as long as it means he can keep chasing after him.
He has activated his quirk in his sleep, which is actually a more common occurrence than you would think. It happens to most people with quirks at least once, about as common as sleep talking, Katsuki himself like many others had this happen during childhood. As a six year old obsessed with heros, he activated his quirk and nearly blew a hole through his ceiling because of a dream he was fighting villains.
It had his mother dying laughing so much she wasn't even upset about the damage and Katsuki still sits there seething when she shares that story at family parties, earning an eruption of laughter from distant family.
He quickly regains himself pushing himself from the floor and scrambling to dive into the room, he opts to duck behind the foot of the bed as Izuku starts crying out again, he moves around a lot in his sleep flinching and tossing uncomfortably, his breath catches when he tries to continue screaming, running out of air to do so, he just hiccups miserably.
He just cries and it's difficult to listen too, watching a strong willed and goodhearted person breakdown and crack under the weight of it all, would make anyone want to just surrender to the despair of it all, being in a war is too much for any teenager to bear, powerful quirk or not, he's just a kid. He may have won the war, but he lost in so many other ways, it's hard to feel like you won when you constantly feel so unsafe.
"Yeah I heard you!!" Katsuki yells back in response to his name when it's inevitably screamed again, not knowing what else to say, Izuku is yelling for him but doesn't realize he's in the room. Katsuki decides there's only one logical course of action, yelling isn't working to wake Izuku up because he's already screaming.
He braces himself and with zero regard for his own safety gets up and rushes over, grabbing Izuku's shoulders tightly, he shakes him trying to wake him up quickly before he reactivated his quirk. Otherwise he wasn't sure what he would do, if Izuku woke up and Katsuki was even mildly injured due to his quirk he'd not react well, it's always the kindest people who feel the most guilt.
As Izuku shrieks, squirming and kicking desperately to get free of his grasp, Katsuki doesn't want to show it but he's panicking, genuinely so lost on how to fix this, he just stares wide eyed at him, his thoughts racing, he's always been such a quick person to react, impulsive and reckless, but currently he's completely at a loss for words and for actions, his eyes burn and he hates it, he hates all of this, but for once in his life he understands how izuku feels, despite how much he's repressing it, dying really messes a person up.
"For Christ sake! Will you just wake up!? Please!" he shouts, his voice breaking, desperation bleeding into his words, he used to never say please, when did he start? When did he find that he cares more than his angry front ever let him show. If only empathy didn't hurt so bad.
His vision blurs with despair and it takes him a second to notice Izuku opening his eyes and sitting up gasping like he had his head held underwater up until now, katsuki blinks tears streaming down his face, and the tidal wave of relief hits him, and his legs feel numb, he sinks to the floor beside the bed, but still leaning his arms and head on the side of the mattress, he tries to catch the breath he didn't know he was holding till now, Relief can be its own type of misery.
He sniffles “Christ you really are a bad sleeper huh?” he tries to sound like he wasn't upset at all, like this didn't affect him because god forbid Izuku “people pleaser” Midoryia realized he-.
"Kacchan your- " Izuku pauses, seeing the expression across Katsuki's features as he looks up at him, Katsuki’s tear stained slightly flushed face makes him regret every life choice he's ever made, it makes him feel a never ending crushing guilt that just adds to the distress he's already under, he moves his hands up to clasp over his mouth, his expression breaking all over again like a glass mirror. His breathing has yet to slow, Each breath faster than the last, his eyes growing teary and shimmering in the small amount of light coming from his window.
"I'm sorry, I-im… s-sorry I just... I know I'm being so stupid... I just feel like I've forgotten how to breathe" he laughs, but it's pained, soaked in so many tears still yet to be shed over this, he tears up more, his breath hitches and he chokes on his tears, he sniffles and whines, the tears starting to cascade down his face like never ending stream. He's sobbing now, and hysterically at that, and it doesn't look like he's going to stop any time soon.
"...Izuku?" Katsuki gets up and sits beside him, and Izuku doesn't react, still crying, he's just so exhausted, he looks like he barely sleeps anymore since…
Katsuki, in a moment of not thinking, or rather not caring anymore how he would be perceived, grabs Izuku's hand and pulls it till it makes contact with his chest, for once completely unashamed of how this may look, such a soft but intimate gesture that throws Izuku completely off, halting his crying out of sheer surprise and shock, instantly snapped back to reality. His eyes shift repeatedly between his hand currently resting over Katsuki's heart and back to the boy's face, disbelief painted across his face as well as his face beginning to flush ever so slightly.
"wh- what are you!?-" It takes him a second before he realizes why, staring up at katsuki with big beaming eyes, as katsuki stared back with concerned ones. Because subconsciously he knew his breathing had slowed and his tears had stopped, all due to the consistent rhythmic heartbeat he felt in his palm. He didn't know such a calm could still exist after the storm that was the war. And for that moment he could finally hear nothing, he could breathe and he could see a future where one day it won't hurt as bad anymore.
After a minute of silence, Katsuki finally breaks it, "...Izuku?" He can't even finish before Izuku snaps out of it, his face burns and a wide eyed embarrassment and panic fills his gaze. He was so caught up In how comforting it was that he forgot the position he is in "Ah! sorry that... That was way too long, I should have pulled away sooner!" He laughs uncomfortably.
Katsuki shrugs trying to convey nonchalance at the whole ordeal despite mentally replaying it over and over in his head, his own slightly red face quickly turns away to avoid eye contact "look if it worked it worked, I don't care as long as you don't stop breathing, pass out or whatever" He lets out a long sigh, resting his back on the wall.
Izuku goes quiet and shifts on the bed and after a bit breaks the silence “how do you sleep after… it all… sorry if that's personal I just… nothing is helping” he stares at the floor fidgeting uncomfortable and tearing up a bit again. “you just… seem okay so I thought…nevermind, it's stupid”
Katsuki stares over “how long?” Izuku looks puzzled and opens his mouth to ask but Katsuki clarified quickly “since you last properly slept?” Izuku stares at him blankly for a while, long enough for it to be the answer katsuki was looking for, he barely sleeps, he barely sleeps and it's a decent amount due to what happened to Katsuki, it stings a bit, Izuku really still cares about him this much, after everything, after everything katsuki put him through he still cares so much that he can't sleep because of the fear of losing him.
Katsuki thinks back to how they were before he ruined everything… he had a real friend, not like the people he hung around that he barely really liked or even tolerated, the ones that just mindlessly spouted back whatever he and his giant ego self wanted to hear affirmed, Izuku actually liked him and he ruined it for what?
He remembers before they stopped being friends, when they were really small having sleepovers at each other's houses, their mothers we're good friends which made them know each other before even starting school, Izuku was timid but always passionate about heros, and katsuki liked heros too, everything was aligned perfectly for them to be lifelong friends… why had he fucked that up?
He remembers Izuku having nightmares on sleepovers, nothing out of the ordinary for a small three year old child, but painful to see on a much older teenage Izuku, he remembers he would scoff, tell him to stop crying and put on a hero movie on his tv, when that didn't work, he'd roll his eyes and pull Izuku into a hug with a “ugh, fine” even though he hadn't said anything, and everytime, he would fall back asleep, katsuki shortly after.
He snaps back out of his zoning out when Izuku breaks the silence, his voice breaking again “you um… you can go if you want… I'm fine" Katsuki looks over and notices him tearing up again “your crying?” he asks and Izuku doesn't answer, katsuki suddenly pulls him into a hug startling the hell out of Izuku who probably doesn't even remember the last time katsuki hugged him, just like he doesn't remember when he fell into the river, katsuki has a bit of a freakishly good memory like that.
“Kacchan!?” Izuku who's now held firmly in his arms, looks wildly between katsukis stupidly smiling face and his arms around him, at this rate completely and utterly convinced he must have been taken over by aliens, Katsuki just replies “fine, since you want me to stay so badly I will” the teary eyed other looks at his face, before the tension leaves his bones, he laughs slightly.
“You're sure?” Katsuki responds “yes” … “but really? Are you actually sure?” … “for the love of god izuku! Yes I am, shut up, we're watching a movie”
He sticks on one of the movies they used to watch as kids, it a bit childish and definitely for a younger audience but it was background noise anyway, and as he expected, five minutes later he could hear Izuku breathing softly, his eyes dropped closed and a peace on his face that makes Katsuki momentarily believe he's asleep.
It's quiet and calm for a minute and after that Izuku breaks the silence, "I'm just... I'm really really glad your alive Kacchan" his voice is so genuine, filled with relief and it surprises Katsuki in spite of it being something Izuku would absolutely say, it's not out of character in anyway, and Izuku couldn't lie to save his life but it sticks with Katsuki, pinpointed as something important to remember.
He stares blankly for a minute, slowly letting his arms settle around Izuku, he finally responds "...Yeah?... thanks...I'm glad you're alive too" He says, his voice calm and genuine for once, in sync with Izuku’s. For all the mixed feelings he had about the fact that he's only alive because of another person's sacrifice, and although he'd never say it aloud as long as he lived, it means the world to him that Izuku is glad he's still here.