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Jaebum had always wanted to be a performer, not an idol exactly but just someone whose life revolved around performing, whether it was music or dance.
As a child, he had dreamed of bright stages where crowds would come to watch him, feel better after watching and actually enjoy watching Jaebum perform.
When he entered his teenage years, he realized how unlikely it was for anyone to actually make it in the entertainment industry, it was a one in million chance. What hope did he have?
That was before the JYPE auditions, before he had met Jinyoung.
When Jaebum met Jinyoung, suddenly everything seemed possible. Nothing seemed like too much anymore. The world was their oyster.
Jaebum remembers the joy he had felt when it was announced that he and Jinyoung had tied for first place in the auditions. He remembers the way Jinyoung had intertwined their fingers, and pressed his lips to Jaebum’s backstage where no could see, and despite the short period of time they had known one another, Jaebum knew that he was home in Jinyoung’s arms.
Trainee life was hard, much more than Jaebum had expected. Proper sleep had become a thing of the past. It was now replaced with hours of never-ending relentless practice which ended in collapsing on sweat soaked floors in exhaustion, with Jinyoung in his arms, holding on for some form support. And even though Jaebum woke up with cramp in his neck and with aches from the odd sleeping position, Jinyoung’s sleeping face was enough for Jaebum to forget and forge ahead.
All their hard work had eventually paid off. Jaebum still vividly remembers the night when management had first told them of the plans for JJ Project.
That night he and Jinyoung had stayed up talking, both too excited to sleep. Jaebum thought this was it, this was his dream he had finally reached the end of the road covered with blood sweat and tears.
Then reality had crashed down on him, Jaebum had known from the get go that being an idol would be hard, but back then he had no idea how much.
Gone were the days, when Jaebum and Jinyoung talked through the night, each day was so grueling they barely managed to make it back to their room without collapsing atop one another. They sang until their throats were sore and danced until their limb refused to move. But Jaebum would forget all the trials and tribulations when he got up on stage, and performed his heart out with Jinyoung by his side, when he heard the cheers of the crowd, when he felt Jinyoung’s fingers intertwined with his.
Then it all fell down in one swoop like a house of cards. JJ Project was called off. Jaebum had resisted the urge to scream and cry right then and there. Being professional meant hiding all your true feelings with a façade of politeness and saccharine smiles.
That night he had screamed into his pillow, punching it for good measure. He had finally stopped when he heard Jinyoung’s sniffles. He had let go of his rage to hold and comfort Jinyoung. Both boys spent the night, silently sobbing into each other.
But then a second chance had come in the form of GOT7. It was new, it was different, and it was no longer just the two of them. It had taken time to get used to it but eventually they managed to make do with a few stolen kisses after everyone else had left the dorm or soft, fleeting touches when no one was looking.
Even with 6 other people to now share the burden with, the hardships never decreased. Instead they seemed to double or triple. Being a leader was never easy, even with his natural aura of authority, it was hard.
Sometimes Jaebum still doubted himself, he wondered if he had done the right thing becoming an idol, if he was cut out to be the leader, if he really had what it took to be an idol. Those were the nights he would sneak into Jinyoung’s room, seeking comfort in the younger boy’s arms. Jinyoung never said anything, he never had to, the way he cradled Jaebum and carded his fingers through the other’s hair was enough to pull Jaebum up from the dark abyss of his thoughts.
Being an idol wasn’t easy and never would be but Jaebum would be okay as long as he had Jinyoung by his side.