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Bo knew pain. She had experienced it many times in her life. Really, 7she was grateful for the times that she didn’t have any pain. It was not rare for her to have some kind of sore body part or sprain or an illness occasionally.
But this… stars, it was so much different. Bo had period cramps too. They had been very bad when she had been young, not that it had made a difference since she still had to fight, but this was worse than that.
If it was just cramps, it would be fine, but she was pregnant. She was pregnant and only twenty-eight weeks along. It was too soon to have her babies.
“Bo, are you okay? You’re not looking so hot. Are you okay?” Din asked. He had been gone on a mission for the New Republic, but now he had been back for the last two weeks. She hoped he would stay here. Things were different now that she was pregnant and in her third trimester.
She wanted Din to be there when she had their babies. Their twin girls.
But now was too soon.
“I’m fine,” Bo said, trying not to cringe. She collapsed on the couch in her small place. She didn’t have a big palace like the one she had been raised in. Mandalore was rebuilding and that… and that…
All she could think about now was the horrible pain.
“You’re in pain,” Din said as he went over and got to his knees. He reached out and touched her stomach. “Bo…”
“It’s fine…” she said, cringing. “I just need to rest. It’s nothing.”
She tried to tell herself that some cramping was normal. That was what she had been told, right?
“Bo, we need to go see a doctor,” Din said.
She stared at him. “I don’t…” She hated doctors. She never had liked them but it had been worse when she had been older.
“I’ll be with you the whole time,” Din said, and he took her hand.
She wanted to tell him no. She had rejected going to the doctor many times, but now she was pregnant. She touched her stomach. The heir to Mandalore was in her. The heir she had been told Mandalore needed so much.
Bo had been terrified that she would be told the babies would have to come out now. It was too soon and it would be hard for them if they were born now. Yes, there were plenty of good medical treatments such as what they did for clones, but she wanted her twins to not have to go through that.
And those were always risky.
But she was told that it was just Braxton hicks. She had breathed a sigh of relief when she was told that. Din did too and pressed his helmeted head to hers, almost like a kiss. Stars, she loved him.
But sadly that wasn’t all the doctor had to say.
There were concerns, especially about baby A. Baby A… Bo couldn’t lose her little girl. She already knew her somehow. She knew how special she was. And she loved her.
That didn’t mean that Bo was happy when she was told that she would be on bed rest.
“I’m the ruler of Mandalore!” Bo said, putting her hands on her hips. There was so much that she needed to do. There was still so much risk to Mandalore.
“I’ll be there for you,” Din said. “I’m going to be helping you. So many of us are going to be helping you.”
Bo stared at him.
“Right now you need to think about yourself.” He reached out and touched her stomach again. He moved his hand slightly, probably hoping one of the twins would kick. He loved when the twins kicked.
But neither of them did.
“You need to think about you and the girls,” Din said.
The doctor nodded. She didn’t need to say what she was thinking. The girls were the heirs to Mandalore, especially baby A. And Bo wanted the babies to do well. She wanted that more than she thought was possible.
And yet it just felt like her body didn’t belong to her. And as if the babies mattered more to everyone than she did.
Maybe Bo was horrible for thinking this, but as she spent time on bed rest she felt so much worse. She spent as much time as she could working but it didn’t seem enough. She was failing Mandalore.
And herself really. Bo couldn’t stand just resting all day. It wasn’t her.
Din tried to be there. He really did, but he didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand. But she made the mistake of trying to explain it one day when she was resting like always.
“It feels like my body doesn’t even belong to me sometimes,” Bo said as she sat up. One of the babies kicked, which usually would bring her joy, but right now it didn’t just do that but also caused her stress. And then guilt for thinking that.
“Bo, I—” Din tried to say and then she really messed up, which was usual for her.
“It reminds me of when I was in Death Watch,” Bo said, almost gasping. “When Pre… my body felt foreign and just like it was being taken over. Like I didn’t matter, especially when he knocked me up.”
Din took a couple steps back, letting go of her. She regretted saying what she did. She really did.
“I never forced you,” Din said. “I’d never do what that asshole did to you.”
It had been hard, but Bo had told Din about her past. Everything about her past. The horrible things she had done and what had been done to her. She had even told about the two pregnancies she had with Pre and how they had ended, the first in miscarriage and the second she had aborted, and how Pre… well… she never would have slept with him if she had a choice.
“I know,” Bo said. “I know.”
“Our babies aren’t like those,” Din said. He was hurt. She hadn’t meant to hurt him but she always spoke harshly. And it hurt people.
“I know and I love our daughters, but I…” She wiped at her eyes. “I’m just not used to this. I’m used to doing things.”
Din stared at her and for a moment she thought he would storm out. She had hurt him after all. But instead he came over and took her hands.
“It’s going to be okay, Bo. I know it’s hard, but it’s going to be okay.” He paused and then touched her face. “I love you, cyar’ika.”
“I love you too,” Bo said, and she did. For so long she wasn’t sure if she was capable of love, but now she knew she was.
But Din didn’t really understand. He didn’t know how hard it was.
And things would just be okay. Love wouldn’t make this pregnancy easy. And it wouldn’t make her feel like she wasn’t losing a big part of herself.