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Since the day he was born, Rin has never remembered his brother caring about anyone other than himself.
Somehow, he never felt as betrayed about that fact as he should have. Considering the both of their personalities, though, that wasn't very unexpected. The two don't bother about things if they didn't have to. It came quite naturally.
Their parents still held photographs of both the boy's births fondly and mostly equally. However, something unusual occured on what is meant to be one of the happiest days of their lives, which was Rin’s birth.
Sae seemed uninterested.
Terribly uninterested.
He was only one, almost two years old at the time, so in a way, his parents felt a little disappointed but not as much as they would have been if he was any older. They did feel a bit concerned, but from conversing with others about it, they came to the conclusion that Sae would grow up to truly care about him one day. After all, two-years-old might be a bit too young for him to start learning about responsibility for others. They had to work on him first.
This didn't mean that they believed Sae was a difficult child; quite the opposite, in fact. Yes, sometimes he was stubborn but he was still certainly the most well-behaved little boy anyone could see. But they would already have to put so much attention on a newborn- so why make the older child feel even more forgotten by telling him how he had to take care of this tiny, seemingly useless random person who kind of looked like them? They shouldn't start now, not yet.
So, they decided to let Sae develop their bond at his own pace. As long as it would take him.
"Sae-chan, do you know who's in mummy's tummy right now?" His mother cooed sweetly, pointing towards her swollen belly with a smile.
"...I don't know," Sae muttered as he stared to where her finger was. He was a fast learner, but he still had to properly learn how to express himself. He asked in confusion, "Who's that?"
"It's your baby brother, dear!" His mother exclaimed as her cheeks flushed a faint red in happiness. She was clearly quite delighted at the thought, but Sae was wondering to himself: A brother? That's the name for some boy around your age that lives with you and your mum and dad, right? He had heard the term by people he would interact with sometimes, mostly his parents; but he thought they were supposed to be outside. What's he doing in there? How?
"Have- have you eaten him?" Sae asked, his eyes widening as he tried to make sense of it while he stared incredulously at her abdomen once again. His mother blinked at him, before immediately roaring into a fit of laughter. "Oh, my Sae-chan, I wish you never stop being so cutely adorable!" She gasped between breaths as she kept laughing, picking him up and placing him onto her lap as she prepared to converse more with her endearing little child.
"Would you like to hold him too, son?" Sae's father asked him, holding the newborn in his arms gently. Sae gave a glance at him, before replying oddly firmly, "No."
"Well, why not?" His father asked with a chuckle, thinking about whether Sae could be repulsed by his new sibling. "I... I don't want to," Sae replied, crossing his arms as he gave a small pout and looked away. His father snorted in amusement, before mumbling, "Well, if you say so..."
"Aren't you excited about your new family member?" Sae looked up at his joyful mother diagonally from his side of the table with a resigned face; he was feeling simply exasperated! Won't they just stop talking about him? But he understood enough that blurting it out loud might upset them, so he whispered a faint 'yes' in response. His mother clapped her hands in happiness while his father gave a knowing smile to him before they all went on with their dinner.
"I'm home," Sae called out loudly as he shut the door behind him and took off his shoes. "How was school, sweetie?" His mother asked from the kitchen as she prepared lunch for his father. "Good," Sae responded, hurrying up to his room to change. He was about to enter the room, preparing to finally relax after a long day; only to immediately have to catch himself from impaling his foot on a... toy arm? He stared down the object he was about to step on, still holding the door open before looking up to see what had been going on.
The floor was a completely huge mess in the middle of the room, where a little boy of around four was currently sitting with his back to the door's entrance as he crouched over something. Sae closed the door quietly, slowly walking over to him to see what he had been doing. The boy was crouching in concentration as he played with two toys; one was clearly supposed to be some kind of action hero, while the other was a dark, dinosaur-shaped monster. Though, they were ravaged and broken in multiple ways. An ear nibbled on, the broken arm Sae was just about to step on- and, actually, he didn't feel like mentally naming any more of it. He knew what he had to do. Be a responsible older brother, as his parents loved lecturing him more and more about as time passed, for some reason. Atleast he was decent enough to not bully him like his teammates did with their own siblings. He sighed deeply for his feelings to calm down. None of that right now. He should listen to the matter at hand.
He walked slowly back to the doorway, opening it slightly before calling out, "Mum, I need to tell you something!"
"What is it? His mother called back, as he heard sounds of simmering coming from where she was. "I think it's better if I show you and you see it yourself." Sae closed the door and looked behind him, and saw that his little brother had not moved from his place at all and kept on going with his 'play' as if nothing had happened. Surprising, he's acting like he didn't even hear him. Did he?
He heard footsteps coming closer, before his mother appeared at the door. "What?" She asked impatiently, wanting to go back to the kitchen quickly. "...Look," Sae stepped away from the door, revealing the room. "Just get closer. You'll realise why I called you." His mother listened, walking towards her younger son, before gasping silently once she could visibly see what had happened from above him. "Rin, what have you done?" She said in horror, as he looked up at her once he heard her voice calling him.
She lifted him by both arms quickly, making him drop his toys, and stared at him with a displeased expression. "Why did you do that?" She asked him as she made eye contact with him once he was settled in her arms. Rin stared at her with his wide eyes, before staring back at the floor and then back to her once again. "Now, why did you break your toys? It's good that you're playing so enthusiastically, but you know that we can't keep giving you toys forever, right?" She tried to explain to the four-year-old boy, trying to convince him in simple terms while Sae watched from the side. Until he remembered what she was doing before he interrupted her. "Um, mum... The food?"
"Oh!" His mother exclaimed, setting Rin back down quickly and hurriedly shifting outside the room.
Sae's team had won once again, and he had been named the MVP of the match, as always. He stood with his arms on his hips at the side of the field, catching his breath. He then looked to the netted fences blocking off the spectators; and saw his brother. Raising his eyebrows, he stared at his dazed eyes gazing at the green of the field along with his slightly open mouth keenly. What had he been doing, just standing there? Oh, right- his parents had told him to take him to a match with him since they weren't able to look after him today. He exited from the gate, walking closer towards him.
He got closer, whispering a stern 'Rin' at him to catch his attention, before keeping on walking. Rin flinched out of his reverie and looked at his brother with his familiar wide eyes, until he saw that he was about to leave him there and jogged after him to catch up as they went home.
Rin stared at the ball moving across the field in awe, his big eyes growing even more as they shone. It was as if the insticts he had tried to suppress for so long were about to bubble over and break something in him, like a strong dam failing to hold the unforgiving waters. His forehead began to bead with sweat, his mouth opened more as he breathed, his small fingers tightening his hold on the fence. Go in. All he wanted, needed to do was kick the ball straight into the goal, for at least once in his lifetime. Go in. Kick the ball. Score a goal. Do it. Do it, do-
No. No he won't. He can't. Not when all those much older children were there, and coaches too, right? He wouldn't just wander inside and try kicking the ball right in front of them. Plus, he might get badly hurt. That's why he's not going to, that's it, that's all. It's definitely all.
...
His parents might scold him again as they had made a routine of before. His mother would be sternly asking him all sorts of questions he didn't want to answer. His father would stare at him with narrow eyes in discontentment, and it would be his brother who would tell them since he would be annoyed that his stupid little brother interrupted his match.
"Rin, what have you done? It's been so long since you've misbehaved! I've told you so many times-"
"I'm not exactly mad at you, son. Just... disappointed-"
"Seriously..? Didn't I tell you not to touch my things? You've drooled all over it. Tch, now I'll have to clean this again-"
He took in a sharp breath and bit his lip, trying not to whimper as his figure trembling against the wired fence. The voices and memories of all three of his family members melted into each other in his head, assaulting him mentally in a barrage of emotions he didn't- couldn't understand. It was making him want to curl up into himself and scream, shout, cry, sob, anything his helpless self could think of. His eyes were tearing up as he kept trying to grab a hold of himself.
And that's why he really couldn't. He wouldn't. He is not going to upset them for one more time. That's-
"Rin." And the match was already over anyway. The ball's gone, everyone's leaving, the field will be closed for the rest of the day. It's time. Go home.
"...Three years?" Rin repeated timidly, staring at his brother. "Yeah, I'll have to stay for a long while before I return. I mean, that was obvious. It's on another continent, what were you expecting?" Sae said, crossing his arms as he reprimanded his younger brother for acting so surprised, his voice slightly louder to drown out the bustling noises of the airport. "I know, Nii-san, sorry..." Rin muttered, apologizing right at the time he recognized his elder brother's familiar tone, looking down and staring at the floor instead. Despite the fact that they were almost the same height by now, it seemed as if Rin would shrink a few centimeters into himself whenever his brother had something to say. Sae tore his cold eyes away from him once he did so, looking at something in the distance.
It was their parents, rushing over to their precious eldest son to say their final goodbyes before he left his homeland for a few years. His mother kissed his face multiple times, telling him the usual things mothers would: take care of your health, stay safe, don't overexert yourself, and whatever else. His father gave him a few pats on the back, giving him some tips of his own and sneaking in a dad joke, chuckling to himself afterwards. Rin stood aside a little further away, watching them. As the time of boarding grew nearer, Sae joined his manager, took his ticket, and finally began to walk towards his terminal. Rin wondered if he should wave or not, but saw that as he went, his brother did not turn his head back to them even once.
"...Wait, what?.. Really? Why?" Rin asked, startled at Sae's sudden statement. His brother had come back to Japan from Spain after three years, and the first thing he said when he met his younger brother was, "I've changed my mind. I'll become the world's best midfielder now." Rin would have wanted for them to at the least greet each other before one dropped a bombshell, but he knew better than to question him, especially when it seemed like he was already in a sour mood.
"It's that..." Sae began, but his voice faltered and he stopped speaking. He didn't want him to know, because he already knew he wouldn't understand. "Whatever. It's none of your business," Sae said dismissively, walking past Rin for him to follow, as was habit. "But..." Rin was about to start, before it was his turn for his voice to falter as well. What's the point? Rin followed after Sae as they went home, in a taxi, of course, since it had been a quite snowy night.
Their mother was waiting in the dining room, and she got up once she heard the doorbell ring. Opening the door, she threw her arms around Sae, rambling. "Oh, my baby, you're finally back!" She said as she kissed him twice on both cheeks. "How were you? Ah, have you lost weight? I told you to eat properly! Come on, get in, I've made something big for you!" She kept going, letting Sae inside as she stood aside for him. Rin quickly got in after his brother as well, in case his mother would forget that he was there too and would leave him locked out in the cold.
Once their father came back as well, they sat down to have dinner. Their parents, of course, were quite excited to see him and asked even more questions in between the huge meal to squeeze every last detail out of him. Sae would answer them in the shortest way he could, plainly not interested in talking even if they wouldn't get the hint. Rin managed to, though; he had to learn all of Sae's mannerisms after all, and kept chewing quietly while the rest of his family chatted.
He wondered to himself as he had too many times to count by now. What if... Instead of just trying to behave himself and listening to his every beck and call, he had somehow managed to involve himself in football? His brother lived and breathed every single day for the sport. Anything that wasn't related would be completely useless to him. So then, if Rin had played as well, would... Would his brother finally notice him? Would his brother finally care? Could they become what brothers are meant to be? Spending time together; talking, fighting, laughing, crying, living, dying? And does Rin surely long for it?
It was kind of morbid to think about. But according to Rin, if something happened to one of them; if one of them died, no love would be lost between the two brothers. He'd heard stories from his classmates and acquaintances about their own siblings, both good and bad. How whatever they may do or however they may behave; siblings will always love you in the end. They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Many believed and lived by it. But this saying had never applied to people like him. Rin was not the type of person to long for something he had never had a taste of to begin with. In the end, in this life, Sae will always remain the one that got away.
Till the day he will die, Rin will never see his brother love someone other than his own ego.