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•••
“Would you want to come to mum's birthday celebration tomorrow? You know she invited you,” asked Harry, a fork full of green beans dangling in front of his mouth.
“I don't know. Don't you think it'll be the same old again.” Louis sighed, putting his own cutlery aside and sitting back in his chair. “I really love your mum, and your family, you know I do. But I'm getting tired of the questions, Haz.”
Harry only nodded solemnly. He hates it too, those relentless questions and insinuations that cast a shadow over their friendship.
“Maybe we have to be a bit more candid this time. Put it out there, loud and clear.”
Louis chuckled humorously, a tired smirk on his lips. “Haven't we tried that for ages?”
“Maybe…” Harry hesitated. “Maybe there's a way. But…”
“Spill. By now I'm open to anything that will stop this madness,” Louis laughed, leaning forwards to prop his elbows on their dining table.
•••
“But if we do that, you have to be absolutely sure,” Harry emphasised, pinning Louis down with a serious look.
“Of course, I'm sure. I said so, didn't I?” Louis confirmed, holding Harry's gaze and nodding intently. “I'm sure, Haz. I promise.”
“Okay, but…” Harry swallowed and a frown formed between his brows. “I need you to promise me something else…”
Louis looked a bit puzzled, a bit tense, but nodded slightly, “Of course, H. What is it?”
“You need to promise me to never fall in love with me.” Harry said nervously, fiddling with his rings.
“Christ, Harry,” Louis deflated and all but slumped on the table, where they were still sitting. “How often have we been over this?” He asked exaggeratedly.
“A bazillion times?” Harry answered sheepishly.
“Exactly!” Louis exclaimed with a little smirk. “And how long do we know each other?”
“15 years?” Harry grinned.
“Exactly. And we're living together for—”
“12 years now,” Harry hurried to answer Louis' question before it was out. “I know all that, Lou…It's just…”
“I know, Harry. But I promise you, I'll never fall in love with you.” Louis said earnestly.
And wasn't that a relief. And wasn't it the most twisted thing to be relieved about? But not for them. For them that meant reassurance, security in what they had, what they never wanted to miss.
“I just wouldn't know how to handle that,” Harry whispered with a lump in his throat and Louis reached over the table to squeeze his hand.
“I know, love.” He said reassuringly.
“Not even you loving me, I think,” Harry tilted his head. “But not being able to love you back.”
“Harry, you listen to me,” Louis said sternly, tugging slightly on Harry's hand. “We've talked about this so much and my answer never changes. Romantic love will never happen for me, and I don't want it to. I'm happy the way I am. The way my life is. I have everything I need and everything I want.” He searched Harry's eyes, not letting Harry off the hook until he looked back. There was so much warmth and comfort in his eyes, that Harry couldn't help but believe him. Until there was a mischievous glimmer. “And tell me again…where did we meet?”
Harry laughed, because of course Louis had to bring it up. Because the ridiculous claim that the both of them were head over heels for each other started from day one they met, in the most unlikely place for that to happen. “The class about the aro-ace spectrum at uni.” He giggled.
They'd both chosen sexuality and gender studies as a minor course next to their majors, and that's where they met. And that's where it started. The rumours, the insinuations, the teasing and mocking. But they both knew better.
Apparently, the concept of their bond, their deep connection and friendship without being in love, was difficult to grasp for people who didn't experience it himself. They were, of course, used to people not really understanding what they meant when they came out as asexual and aromantic. But people right out neglecting and disrespecting their explanations and statements still hurt. Especially when it came from among their own family and friends.
That's why this plan was born. It made sense. And they both wanted it.
•••
“So, boys, what did you want to tell us?” Louis' mum said with gleaming eyes a couple of weeks later.
She was seated on one of Louis' and Harry's sofas in their living room, next to her current partner Dan, and Anne and her husband Robin opposite of them on the other sofa. They were all watching them expectantly. Harry and Louis had invited them over for dinner and a mysterious announcement. Dinner was over and done with and now, very obviously, all of them were brimming with curiosity.
Louis and Harry exchanged one glance, one tiny nod, and a fleeting grin. They had decided to just drop the bomb.
“You're all invited to the city hall next month—”
Harry wasn't even able to finish his sentence before both mums jumped up and let out a squee, hugged first each other then their respective sons.
“I knew it,” Anne shouted. “Finally!! You're getting married!!”
“No.” Deadpanned Louis and made everyone apart from Harry halt in their tracks and gawk at him as if he'd grown a second head.
“We'll register a civil partnership.” Louis clarified.
“Doesn't matter. That's almost the same, isn't it? Whatever you kids prefer these days,” Robin stood and patted Harry conspiratorially on his shoulder.
“Well, not for us…” Harry said and looked at Louis, who nodded at him to go on. “You're invited, but there are rules.”
Jay raised her eyebrows. “Rules?”
“Yep,” Louis popped the p, stemmed one hand in his side, and counted his fingers down with the other. “One — no fancy dresses. Everyone will come in their everyday clothes or not at all.” He looked around the room and waited for the hesitant nods. “Two—” he continued, “no gifts, no flowers, no cake, no nothing! And three, most importantly, no sentimentality or tears or any other crap. Because we're only there to sign papers, and you're only invited to hear our vows.”
“But…” Anne looked helplessly between Louis and her son, “why are we not allowed to celebrate you two?”
“Oh, we can totally celebrate. But no other way than we celebrate anything else. We can have a fun little pub night, bit of karaoke maybe…” Louis said, looking at Harry questioningly, who only nodded enthusiastically.
“Yes, that would be great. Let's do that. We haven't had a night out with everyone in ages. The girls have to come too. They're invited as well if they want.” Harry really loved that idea. But upon the disappointed looks of their mothers he added, “We just don't want any fake wedding party. Because it's not that. It's not a wedding. It's purely practical for us.”
“Okay then…” Robin cleared his throat. “Though, I wonder…how can such a commitment be purely practical. It's meant to be for a lifetime, no? Am I wrong?”
“No, you're not wrong. Lou and I talked a lot and we're very aware of what we're doing. Maybe even more so than some people entering a marriage. The difference though is…we're not in love. For us, this thing means more security and more rights. That's all.”
“Hm, but baby,” Anne chimed in, “are you sure that's not love you're talking about? I mean, a lifelong commitment to each other—”
“Anne, with all due respect,” Louis interrupted her, “don't you think we know best what we feel and what we don’t?” He raised his eyebrows, daring her to contradict him. When no-one said a word he continued, “I can say, with absolute certainty, that I don't love your son. And it's mutual, we discussed it. I'm not jealous when he spends time with other people. We're not joined at the hip and we don’t have to do everything together. I don't get butterflies when I see him. What I do feel though, is a deep gratitude to have him in my life. He's the best friend I could have ever imagined. He's a soulmate. For the last 15 years now, and I can't imagine that ever changing. That's why we chose to take this step.”
“Yes, love, I understand all that—” Jay spoke up, her tone more condescending than the two of them could accept.
So, Harry intervened immediately. “No, Jay. You still don't understand. Louis is the most important person in my life, yes. But I've never been in love, and I never will. And that's fine with me.”
“But—”
“No, listen to me…” Harry went on, the familiar annoyance of talks to their families bubbling up. “We live together, but we each have our own life. We share space, we spend time together, but we don't claim each other. We don't sleep together—”
“That's a bit tmi, love,” Anne chuckled, clearly uncomfortable.
“No, it's not, Anne,” Louis backed Harry up, which earned him a little grateful smile. “Because without it, you don't seem to accept what we're saying. Harry and I, we're in this together. But we don't share anything physical. We don't have any sexual desire, neither towards each other, nor to any other person on this planet. And believe me, we've both met enough people who were interested. We could have if we wanted to. But we don't want to !” He looked meaningfully at all of them, waiting for anyone to speak up. Apparently though, they were all lost for words at this point. “What we do want though, is to have each other in our lives. Always. We want to be able to visit the other in the hospital in case of an emergency. We want to be the ones being asked for decisions for the other. We want to be able to support each other, if there'd be anything happening out of our control. We want to be able to be there for each other, in good times as well as in hard times, you understand? Because we trust each other unconditionally. Because we understand each other.”
After this speech, Louis was breathing a bit more heavily, trying to finally get through the thick skulls of their parents. Why couldn't they understand?
There was a heavy silence in the room, but also some teary eyes and sheepish looks.
Harry and Louis waited with bated breaths, until Robin was the first to stand, and to walk over to where Louis and Harry were standing side by side now. He took Louis' hand, shook it earnestly, then pulled him into a short but tight hug.
“Let's do this then. I'm happy for you guys. Seems to be the right step for you.” He said sincerely with a warm smile on his face.
Harry and Louis released their breaths simultaneously, which made all of them laugh, finally easing the tension in the room.
One by one their parents came over to them, hugging them, shaking hands, giving their approval — not that Harry and Louis needed that.
But it finally felt as if the message had landed.
•••
After that, nothing really changed — they discussed the split of finances, groceries and their weekly list of household chores. They met friends — sometimes together, sometimes alone. They went to work — meeting at home eventually, sometimes spending their evenings together, sometimes not. And at the end of the day they each retreated to their own room. Everyday life as usual.
And yet, there was a new feeling of security in the air, a new calm, a new reassurance.
The weeks leading up to the registration they talked a lot. They always did, but now they sat together a bit more often, talked into the night, reminiscing on all the years they knew each other, and looking into what the future might hold. They each had their own goals, their dreams, their life. They were unmistakably independent, but nonetheless they were a team. And as a team they made sure, this really was the right decision. Did they really want the inevitable dependency? Were they really comfortable with the shared responsibilities? Would they blindly trust in each other’s perspective and ability to judge?
The answer was ‘yes’, to all of that and more. Because that’s what they already did anyway. But after the registration they would finally have a right to it. Without needing to justify it. Without the need to explain.
•••
As they were now standing in front of the registrar, Harry in his favourite comfortable corduroy pants and his SSDaley ducky cardigan, and Louis in blue jeans and his green Adidas hoodie, they were grinning broadly at each other. Despite everything, this moment felt special. They had already signed the papers, and a little held back sniffle could be heard from the general direction of their families sitting in the room with them.
Louis threw a stern glare at Jay. “No sentimentality, mom. That was the rules,” he said strictly, but the smile was evident in his eyes and the little smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Everyone chuckled, including the registrar, before they turned their attention back on the reason they were here.
“I believe you two wanted to say some words to each other before we make the civil partnership official, is that right?” the registrar asked kindly, and both men nodded, smiling at each other. “Okay, so who wants to go first?”
“I do!” Louis quickly exclaimed, before Harry could even open his mouth.
“Okay, Mister Tomlinson,” the registrar nodded, “go ahead.”
Louis inhaled deeply, before he looked Harry in the eyes, and said, “Haz, my partner in crime and now apparently also in a civil partnership…” A few chuckles could be heard in the room and Louis grinned. “You’re the best friend a person could imagine and I promise you to cherish this friendship forever. I promise to keep making a mess in the flat. I promise to keep burning our food. I promise to keep teasing you until all you want to do is smack me over the head—” at that Harry cackled and Louis’ grin only broadened. It just made him happy to see Harry happy. Then he sobered a bit before he continued, “But I also promise, to always be your rock in stormy times, to be the one you can always turn to. I’ll be there when you need me, and I’ll live in certainty you’d do the same for me. I will share my joy with you. And I’ll do everything in my power to bring you as much joy as possible as well. I will always root for you and support you in whatever you want and dream of. I’ll always keep you in my heart until death will separate us. But most importantly, I promise you that I will never fall in love with you.”
Louis reached in his pocket and pulled something out. “I also have a little gift for you to add to your collection.” Then he took Harry’s hand and slipped a delicate ring on his pinky finger with the inscription ‘pinky promise’. “To always remind you of my promise to you, so you never have to worry again.” He smiled reassuringly at Harry.
Harry swallowed against a lump, but smiled back through the emotions. He just felt so lucky to have found Louis and that he had him in his life. “Thank you,” he whispered and Louis reached out to briefly squeeze his other hand.
Then it was Harry’s turn and he chuckled quietly, shaking his head, but then looking up and smiling happily at Louis. “Lou, my rock, my storm, my joy,” he started. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve your friendship, which doesn’t keep me from being grateful to have you in my life every single day. I promise you to do my utmost best to be deserving of your friendship for the rest of our lives, because I intend to keep you forever, hence this partnership…” he trailed off and cleared his throat. The gravity of the moment hitting him. Inhaling deeply he continued to keep his emotions in check, “I promise you to keep kicking your arse to do your chores. I promise you to always keep telling my awful jokes. I promise you to keep stealing your hoodies, and to force you to eat greens. But I also promise you to always be there for you when times get rough, and to always reach out to you in times of need. I’ll always share the bad and the good with you. I promise to always respect your boundaries, your freedom and independence, and I’ll always cheer for you no matter your goals. I’ll always love you as the soulmate you are. But I promise you that I’ll never fall in love with you.” Harry finished, smiling timidly at Louis When he heard Louis mumble a little, “thank fuck,” under his breath, only for the two of them to hear, Harry chuckled and the tension of the moment eased.
The registrar looked between them with a content smile on his face. “If the gentlemen are done…?” he asked, waiting for the confirming nod of both of them, “Then you may now hug your partner in crime.” He chuckled and the room erupted in laughter, while Harry and Louis closed the small distance between them and wrapped each other in a tight hug.
“Thank you for being in my life,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear.
“Thank you for letting me stay in your life,” Louis whispered back.
They separated, looked each other in the eyes for a moment, before they finally turned towards their families, who — of course — hadn’t kept it dry. Tears on not only Anne’s and Jay’s faces, but also Robin and their sisters, not even mentioning Louis’ granny.
“Jesus, guys,” Louis laughed. “It’s not a funeral!”
Jay slapped his shoulder, “Let us be a bit emotional, Boo. That was beautiful.”
“But you know that—” Harry started timidly. Did they still not understand?
But Robin interrupted him, by wrapping his arms around both Harry’s and Louis’ shoulders, pulling them closer in a side-hug. “We’re just so happy, you two have found each other and that you’re in each other’s lives.”
At that, a warmth and contentment spread in Harry's chest and he recognised it as a deep gratitude for his family, for Louis, for his life in general. Yes, if this was what it’d be like for the rest of his life, he could happily live with it.
When Robin leaned towards Louis and quietly said, “thank you for being there for my son,” Harry felt tears prickle in his eyes. But then Jay came over to Harry, wrapped him in a hug and said for everyone to hear, “Thank you for keeping my son in check.” To which everyone burst out laughing, all except Louis, who complained loudly.
“Is that how it’s going to be from now on?” He exclaimed exasperatedly, but grinning nonetheless.
“Better get used to it, Lou,” Harry smirked. “At least they don’t think we’re in love anymore.”
“You’re right,” Louis said beaming. “I’ll gladly endure any and all teasing for the fact to finally be seen.”
“I see you,” Harry mumbled. Smiling a private little smile at Louis.
“I know, Haz. That’s why I civil-partnership-ed you,” He winked. “And I see you.”
“I know.” Harry grinned. “And now you have to for the rest of our lives.”
“I can imagine worse things.” Louis smirked.
“Like my jokes…?” Harry laughed.
“No, Haz. Please don’t!” Louis shouted in mock horror.
“But I promised.” Harry said through his laughter.
“That you did,” Louis chuckled, getting a bit more earnest but no less happy. “And I’m glad about it.”
“As am I,” Harry said, just as happily.
“Partners in crime for life,” Louis said, reaching out for Harry’s hands.
“Partners in crime for life,” Harry confirmed, and wrapped Louis in a hug.
And if they both shed some tears, they would never admit it to their families.