Chapter Text
Had he put on weight?
He had been so careful.
He hadn't eaten properly in days- weeks- this year- hell, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt really full.
But even with that he couldn't stand his reflection.
He glanced at the scale, almost too scared to set foot on it.
But he had to know.
One foot after the other, eyes closed tight, he listened to the familiar sound of the scale's springs squeaking.
It said he'd lost a pound, but that couldn't be right.
He looked heavier, he felt heavier.
Maybe if he skipped breakfast the following day he would feel better, and if he skipped lunch that would help too.
He wished he could just give up eating all together.
He wished he could just look the way he could in his mind.
He could so easily picture the perfect body in his head, the body he should have had.
But he didn't.
He just looked wrong.
No matter how much he starved himself he just wasn't himself.
He hadn't felt like himself in a long time…
But that wasn't worth dwelling on.
For the time being all he could do was go back to bed.
The only thing to keep him company was the persistent ache in his stomach that told him he was doing good.
Step by step.
Bit by bit.
He was whittling himself down to the perfect version of himself that lived in his mind.