Work Text:
she doesn’t want you to see her like this.
she knows her moments of weakness won’t make you love her any less. in the time that you two have been together, you’ve witnessed each other at your highest and at your lowest, and you’ve told her time and time again the same exact thing:
“I won’t go anywhere just because there are days where you don’t feel like your best. you do so much for others already, you don’t need to be everything all at once. especially when it comes to me.”
and she’s held onto that promise very dearly, but she’d be lying if she said that just because you told her you’d love her in spite of her short comings doesn’t mean she’d allow herself to show them to you.
then the incident happened.
when you got the news, you wanted to tear silco a new one. bury him six feet under if you had to, because the sight that greeted you when ran informed you about the explosion and what it did to sevika’s arm, it took everything in you not to break down in tears when you rushed into singed’s lab and saw her lying motionless on the metal bedding where singed performed his surgery.
you had to be physically pulled back when you tried getting to her.
your eyes were bloodshot and narrowed into slits as silco met your fiery gaze with a look of controlled sympathy.
“I apologize for the inconvenience, but rest assured singed will do everything in his power to fix the situation,” he said, referring to her injury as if it was the common flu.
your jaw fell open “inconvenience? inconvenience?! she lost her fucking arm, silco! she’s unconscious for crying out loud! I can’t believe you’d let something like this happen to her! I can’t fucking believe you!”
he let you scream, cry and curse at him until you lost your voice because he knew it was your only way of showing contempt, because anything else was risky - and even you knew that. so you screamed until your throat stung and ran dragged you out of the lab and back to the last drop.
rubbing your back as you cried into your hands, offering their support.
“hey, it’s okay.” ran reassured “she’ll get through it, she’s strong.”
“it’s not about being strong, ran. but this has gone too far. silco knows how much sevika wants to be of use and he fucking took advantage of that. now she played martyr and it caused her so much more than what she should’ve been willing to sacrifice for him,” you spat out, venom dripping from your words.
ran gulped, not knowing what to say “and I understand that, but it’s not like there’s anything we can do.”
you hated the way they said it, like it was a lost cause. as if everything that happened couldn’t have been prevented when you know if you had been there, nothing would’ve happened to her.
but you know her. it’s not like this was out of character for sevika, she’s always been sacrificial, not knowing her limits, and it infuriated you because you knew this attitude of hers was eventually going to lead her down a path she won’t be able to undo.
and you were right.
but still, despite your frustrations you stayed beside her every step of the way and helped her with recovery. it took months for her even to properly get out of bed without having one side of her body completely drag her down, but she was quick to adapt like she always does.
silco went out of his way to commission one of the chembarons a prosthetic for her, not only because he felt like he owed it to her but because you knew he still needed her to be of use to him.
and that angered you in ways where you felt like killing him, especially when you saw the vials of shimmer attached to the mech arm that served to enhance her senses, because in his words:
“due to the loss of your arm it’d be harder to engage in combat. because if you’re still willing to work for me, I need you to be at your absolute best,”
when she told you what he said you could only scoff in response “he has a lot of fucking nerve to ask so much from you after what you’ve already done for him,”
sevika sighed, shaking her head “I was the one who jumped in front of him-“
“still! the least he could do is not act like a jackass! as if you owe him your life!”
“he’s doing what he can to rebuild the under city, and I owe my life to zaun. what I do for him, I do for our people,” she told you, her eyes sunken and pleading “so don’t be unfair. please.”
indignation seeped in as you stared at her with your eyebrows furrowed “I’m not. but you wanna know what is unfair? risking your life for a cause that’s going to take you apart one by one,” you argued “and by the looks of it, you’re already getting there,”
it was hard to navigate the outcome of the explosion but you knew sevika’s well being was above your pride and your resentment.
because yes, even though you were mad at silco it’s not like you can reverse time. and you didn’t want sevika to feel as though what the explosion did to her was a burden to you when it’s not.
you’d walk through the ends of the earth if it meant you’d keep her safe and that she was well taken care of.
that’s why it broke your heart every single day as you watched her recover from her injury and how it just took a toll on her.
whether it was during the day while doing simple chores, or at night when she’d suddenly shoot up from bed, clutching her left shoulder as the pain of the explosion lingered and thrummed through her veins like poison.
she’d let out curses but she’d never shed a tear, insisting time and time again that she was alright. to not make a huge fuss over it.
“I’m fine,” had become a mantra in her daily vocabulary.
and when the time came her new prosthetic was made, you could see the relief on her face knowing from that day onwards, it was going to be less unbearable managing her day to day life. because now at least a piece of her wasn’t missing, or so she’d like to think.
but it wasn’t easy getting used to it at first, especially when screws needed to be tightened and she kept telling you that she got it, that she didn’t need any help, that she was fine. that she’s got this.
but it wasn’t until one night she came home all battered and bruised with her prosthetic in ruins and hanging off, that she could only look at you with somber eyes, a million words being exchanged yet not a single one being spoken.
again, she hated that you had to see her like this. because she was supposed to be the stronger one between you two - the one who protected the other and not the other way around.
“I’m fine, I can take it from here,” she said in a grave tone as she reached forward to try and grab the screw driver from you.
to which you pulled away, settling it down far away from her and before she could protest, you took her face in between your palms, forcing her to look you in the eye as sevika stared back and saw the way your lashes were stained with tears.
“sev, stop. just stop. I know it’s in your nature to want to do everything by yourself, but please just for once. let me help you,”
“I already said that I don’t need-“
“then I might as well leave,”
her heart immediately sunk to her stomach, staring at you with so much panic in her eyes “w-what are you-“
“if you’re so hell bent on not wanting help from me I don’t see the point of this relationship if all you ever do is push me away when I try to be there for you. I’m not doing this out of fucking pity, vika.” you hissed, the fire in your eyes as strong as ever as you glared at her.
then it dwindled into something softer, more vulnerable, frightened “… I’m doing this because I love you.” you said, your voice merely a whisper “because I’d do anything for you the same way you’d do anything for me. and if something happened to you again I wouldn’t know what to do with myself,”
she was quiet, letting your words sink in as you reached for her right hand and laced your fingers with her own - bringing it up as you kissed her bloodied knuckles.
lifting your head as you stared at the light that emitted from beneath her scars, and how they glowed brighter with each deep breath she took.
and how it reminded you of the the time when you told her that you saw her as a painting, so perfect and striking.
and you still stand by it now, even when the paint has cracked and chipped off at the edges.
she was beautiful then, and my god, was even more beautiful now. even when she doesn’t see it.
“I love you,” you muttered “and I’m here even when the pain gets so unbearable - I’ll shoulder it for you if I have to. just please, don’t hide it away from me.”
she spoke not a single word, but instead, she let herself fall into your arms as you caught her, her head being cushioned by your shoulder as she lets out a shaky breath.
“… it hurts,” she muttered, not bothering to conceal it any longer “it hurts so fucking bad,”
you closed your eyes, holding her tighter “I know, baby. I know.”