Chapter Text
Remus: Lily they are hiring out the entire Eiffel Tower.
Remus: Lily I can’t speak French.
Remus: Lily we’ve got to be in Paris for an entire week.
Unknown: Bro who the flying fuck are you?
Unknown: I don’t even know a Lily
Unknown: That’s a lie one comes in to buy coffee off my friend all the time
Unknown: No wait
Unknown: I’ve never seen her before in my life
Unknown: He tells me too much about her
Remus: Oh my goodness I’m so sorry
Remus: I was one off
Remus: I thought this time I’d get it right but no. One digit off.
Unknown: It’s ok
Unknown: You’ll have to update me on how your visit to my homeland goes strange person
Remus: Sure…
Chat with Lily
Remus: LILZ HELP
Remus: I ACCIDENTALLY MESSAGED A RANDOM FRENCH GUY ABOUT FILMING
Remus: I THOUGHT IT WAS YOUR NUMBER
Remus: IT WASN’T
The Light Of My Life: Calm child
The Light Of My Life: Don’t panic
The Light Of My Life: It is all ok
Remus: A BIT TOO LATE FOR THAT EVANS
The Light Of My Life: Remus I’m going to need you to breathe
The Light Of My Life: What happened
Remus: * screenshot *
Remus: DO YOU SEE MY PROBLEM LILY
The Light Of My Life: Don’t worry Rem
The Light Of My Life: They look like they didn’t even question why someone would hire out the Eiffel Tower for us
The Light Of My Life: It’ll all be fine
Chat with Unknown Number
Unknown: Wait why is someone hiring the Eiffel Tower out for you?
Chat with Lily
Remus: Incorrect.
Remus: They have just asked me why.
Remus: I’ll get them to guess
Chat with Unknown Number
Remus: I’ll have to get you to figure that one out
Unknown: OOO SO LIKE A GAME
Unknown: I LIKE GAMES
Unknown: So you’ve either gotta be a posho to rent out the Eiffel Tower
Unknown: Or you’ve got to have saved for your entire life for this
Unknown: Either way it’s kinda sad
Remus: HEY
Remus: RUDE
Unknown: But its sadly true
Unknown: Based on the fact that someone’s hired it out for you
Unknown: And that you don’t speak a lick of french
Unknown: I’d say your a posho
Unknown: Or this Lily woman is
Unknown: Or your posho aligned
Unknown: Am I wrong?
Remus: I would not consider me or Lily a “posho”
Unknown: So you’re a posho
Unknown: Right
Remus: EXCUSE YOU
Unknown: Self-made or inherited?
Remus: Self-made
Remus: Lily bagged off my success tho
Unknown: So I get from this that your famous then
Unknown: Your defo some actor guy destined to pretend date your best friend cause one of you is gay and the media is homophobic
Remus: Somewhere along those lines
Chat with Lily
Remus: LILY THEY GUESSED IT
Light Of My Life: Play it cool Remus
Light Of My Life: Do not admit anything and you can’t get fired
Remus: DO NOT PANIC ME
Remus: I’M TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL
Remus: I’m gonna transition the convo to talking about them
Chat with Unknown Number
Remus: So now you know I’m a self-made posho
Remus: I deserve to know something about you
Remus: Other than that your french (I’m Welsh)
Unknown: Gasp
Unknown: Lore drop
Unknown: I could use that to find you
Unknown: I could find your home address
Unknown: Your welsh, your an actor (probably), your pretending to date a Lily
Unknown: I could find you for real guy
Remus: Random french guy do not find me
Remus: That’s stalker behaviour
Remus: Now.
Remus: Something about you stranger
Unknown: …
Unknown: My best friend works in a cafe…
Unknown: Stalker.
Remus: Excuse you.
Remus: You will not have a response from me anymore.
Remus: Goodbye stranger.
Unknown: NO
Unknown: RANDOM WELSH ACTOR
Unknown: PLEASE COME BACK
Unknown: I’ll miss you
Unknown: Please James is as work
Unknown: I have no friends
Unknown: Don’t leave me
Unknown: I didn’t mean it
Unknown: I have no friends still
Unknown: I miss you already mr welsh actor
Unknown: I hope your a mr now
Unknown: If you’re actually reading this and just ignoring it, I apologise if your not a mr
Unknown: Ok I know you're not going to read this now
Unknown: Au revoir mon amie
Unknown: Je t’aime