Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Two days into winter vacation, Christmas was quickly making way for New Year’s all over town. I found myself on the top floor of Toyohashi City Hall, which was a free-to-the-public observation deck. What was I doing in such a place?

One word: Yanami.

The class Christmas party had been quite an experience. It was honestly one that I had tried to nope out of the second I arrived. As soon as I saw a who’s who of every extrovert in our class and then some, I suddenly felt the urge to head home.

Yet, here I was again, out in public for Yanami. At least here I had no real obligation to speak to anyone. Well, other than Yamami, who had sadly crushed my dreams moments earlier by having the audacity to look attractive from behind, and then turn around and be, well, herself.

She had immediately started to unload on me about the party. I didn’t blame her for being traumatized, though. For my part, I had Kaju at home to supplant all those memories with ones from some compilation she’d put together of my past year, which we spent literally all night watching. I’d been spared lasting damage.

“You looked down for the count by the time I got there,” I said. “What happened? Did the Himemiyas announce their engagement or something?”

“Why do you gotta do this to me seconds after ‘hello’?” Hey, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. She shrugged. “No, they were normal. Most normal they’ve ever normal’d.”

“Then what’d you need me around for? You had other friends there.”

Yanami scrounged up enough energy to glare at me. “You and Shikiya-san’ve been awfully close lately. And then that thing after the closing ceremony. You were all over those two.”

Were not. If that was what “close” was, I’d be single for the rest of my life.

“You know why I had to hang around them.”

“Okay, but literally everyone who saw you guys doesn’t. And now there’s all these rumors, and guess who has to listen to ’em? Spoilers, it’s me.”

What did my supposed two-timing with the student council have to do with her?

“What’re they saying?” I asked.

Yanami shook her head painfully. “That I got rejected,” she groaned. “By you.”

Me? I rejected Yanami?

My slack-jawed look only seemed to make her angrier. “Like how does that even track?! As if I haven’t literally rejected you already!”

“Never happened, but I’d try to ignore them if I were you.”

Unbothered, she inserted herself right into my personal bubble. “You realize this is your fault for fooling around with the student council, right? That crap at the gym was a total catfight!”

My back forced against the window glass, I was feeling a bit like a mouse myself.

She kept the pressure on until there was nothing left to do but slam her hand against the window just by my head. “Confess to me, Nukumizu-kun.”

“Excuse me?”

Her face came right up to mine. Her hand did not move. “So I can turn you down! Then poof, problem gone.”

Problem decidedly not gone, I quipped in my head.

“Relax. All we gotta do is lay low until it blows over. There’s no basis to any of it, so give it time and people’ll move onto something else. Yeah?”

“Yeah, no! Do you have any idea how insulted I feel?! A little empathy, please!”

Right, because she was a total empath.

I reached into my pocket. I had a supply of treats just in case of situations like this. I had learned over the past year that if you wanted to change the subject with Yanami, glucose was the way to go. As I pinched an individually wrapped gummy in between my finger and thumb, I glanced to my side at her arm, blocking me in on one side.

I sighed and closed my eyes. No. This was not something I should solve with sugar. Sweetness wouldn’t do. She needed something spicy to snap her out of this delusional state she was in.

I quickly opened my eyes again, staring into hers, which were right in front of me. I jolted my left hand up and grabbed hold of her arm. Her eyes went wide, and I felt her try to pull her hand away. I didn’t let go. I wasn’t the strongest guy, but I was still a guy. With one swift motion, I pulled her her arm around, spun her, and pinned her back against the glass.

I slammed my own right hand against the window now. I was shaking slightly, adrenaline starting to course through my veins. I stared at her, unblinking.

“Do you really want to reject me that badly?” I asked. Her lip trembled and she swallowed, remaining silent. “Even if it’s a lie? I mean, is it really turning me down if the whole thing’s fake?”

Her eyes finally turned away from me, and her face was turning a deep shade of red.

“C-come on, Nukumizu-kun, you don’t have to be so-”

My jaw tightened. I’d had enough of this.

“I love you,” I said, cutting her off.

She was completely silent. She wouldn’t look at me. This was her big chance. It’s not like I really cared about maintaining some perfect record for rejections. It’s not like I cared if she turned me down and we just went back to how things had been before. Hell, things might get better. She wouldn’t have this delusion about rejecting me hanging over her head anymore.

She still wasn’t saying anything.

“Hey, Yanami! Did you hear what I just said?” I asked, lightly slapping my palm against the glass again. “I said I love you. Don't you want to say something!”

My heart was thundering in my chest, my face was on fire, sweat was forming on my brow, and she still wouldn’t even look at me.

“Yanami, hey,” I said, my voice shaking. I pulled my hand away from the glass and placed it on her cheek. Wrapping my thumb around her chin, I pulled at her face, trying to turn her to look at me. She actively resisted, her cheeks squishing in my hand. “Come on! Reject me! Isn’t this what you wanted? T-turn me down...”

She blinked and tears began to flow down her cheek and onto my hand. I let go of her face and took a step back.

“H-hey, Yanami. W-what are you-”

“You weren’t supposed to actually do it, idiot!” she shouted, finally turning to look at me, tears streaming down her face. “Now what am I supposed to do?”

I was starting to hyperventilate slightly. I looked to the left and right. Several of the people there were staring at me. Yanami was staring at me.

“Was that really just fake?” she asked. “Did you really say that just now and didn’t mean it?”

I groaned shakily. “Y-you told me to say it. Don’t try and pin this on me all the sudden. You literally told me to confess to you!”

“But if it’s not true, then it’s not really a confession, is it?”

What the hell! Had she told me to confess thinking that I was really in love with her? Thinking about it now, that made a lot of sense. After all, who would say something like that unless they were also ready to confess? My god, I had been so stupid! I stepped back towards her, this time placing a hand on her shoulder. What could I say? What should I say?

“Yanami, look, maybe we should discuss this somewhere else, maybe over lunch?” I said. Food was usually a good bet with her to calm her down.

It didn’t work this time. She brushed my hand right off her shoulder and stared right back into my eyes. She wiped her tears away and glared angrily.

“Fine!” she spat. “Your treat! But I have something to say to you first, and you don’t get to wiggle your way out of lunch after you hear it!”

I gulped and nodded my head. What had I done?

“I accept!” she said in a decidedly unromantic tone. “I love you, too! Let’s go out to lunch, now!”

She grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the elevator. As we waited for it to arrive, some random guy to my left grinned and gave me a thumbs up. I sighed. Dude, you have no idea what just happened.

That day was the day I sealed my fate. I had a girlfriend now. Her name was Yanami Anna, and we got together because she said she wanted to reject me. It made absolutely no sense at all, but somewhere in a very remote corner of my heart, maybe I was just a little bit happy.

Of course, now I had to deal with her. She was decidedly unhappy.

Thank goodness I had been saving my allowance.

We were walking. Really, she was leading and I was following. I felt guilty somehow, but I wasn’t sure why. It’s not like I had been fully to blame for this. I may have snapped, but she had literally pushed me up against a wall. What was I supposed to have done? Give her a candy and let her get away with that ridiculous command to me? No, no way. I had done the right thing. Yet, I couldn’t shake this uneasy feeling.

“I love you too!”

I flinched slightly at the memory of her words. Why hadn’t she rejected me like she wanted? What was she thinking? She was really looking forward to rejecting me!

Suddenly, a light came on above my head.

Of course! She’s not going to just reject me, she’s going to dump me!

It all made sense. This was the extent of her anger. I had called her bluff, and she was mad about it. What a child she was being! She was going to take me out on a date, which I promised to pay for, I’ll remind you, and then once our date is over, she’s going to dump me. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but in this case, I’m sure it’s far worse to get dumped than it is to be rejected before you start dating.

I stared at the back of her head, her silky blue hair swaying back and forth as we walked. To think. Just earlier, I had seen that silky hair along with the outfit she had on and thought she was really pretty. When I realized it was her, something inside me immediately rejected that thought. Now, thinking about how she was going to make me pay for lunch and then dump me made me feel a stabbing pain in my chest. I didn’t understand.

That feeling repeated itself when I saw where she was leading me.

We walked inside, into the same family-style restaurant where we had first met. The same place where she had been rejected by Hakamada. The same place where we took Yakishio after her heart had been broken. So, this was it. This was her ultimate revenge. This was where she would break my heart.

Wait, wait, wait. My heart wasn’t going to be broken. I may have said I loved her, but I had just said that because she told me to. This wasn’t going to affect me at all. I decided, then and there, that my heart would be unbroken. However, as a man of my word, I would shut up and take it. I would still let her dump me. It was only fair after my loss of temper. Even if she’d told me to do that, it was still careless. It was basically making fun of how she felt about all those rumors.

I sat down with a sigh and put on a forced smile, looking across the table at her. This was the same table we’d sat at that day.

“Wow, so, this is the spot, huh?” I asked, already hinting that I knew what she was up to. “I have to admit, you really thought this through.”

To my surprise, she seemed to have calmed down on our quiet walk. She smiled, almost shyly, at me.

“This place has a lot of memories for us, you know?” she said, pressing the button for someone to come take our order. “This was where we first met, first talked, shared our first meal together…”

“Well, it was mostly you-”

“This place is really special to me,” she said, her voice full of sincerity.

I gulped. What was happening here? No, no, I couldn’t let myself be taken in by her act. But still, I had to admit, when I thought about it, I felt the same way.

I nodded my head, seeing no problem in being honest. I owed her that, at least. “Yeah. You’re right. I feel the same way.”

After an order that included a steak, a stack of pancakes, a large soda (even though you could get a small and keep getting refills), and an order of large fries, we sat and shared the meal. For my part, I wasn’t all that hungry, but I did manage to get some of the fries this time.

“You know,” she said, just as she was about halfway through the pancakes. “I was going to take you out, originally. For your birthday.” She held up a voucher ticket she’d gotten from Tsukinoki-senpai and waved it in the air. Ah, so my little misstep had delivered me from free food to paying for both of us. Go, me.

“Well, it’s the thought that counts,” I said with a shrug. “Besides, I wouldn’t expect you to give me anything for my birthday, anyway.”

She fidgeted and reached down into the bag she’d been carrying with her. Blushing slightly, she handed me a slender, gift-wrapped box.

“Well…”she said with a bit of a delay as I took the box. “It would be totally rude of me to not give my boyfriend something for his birthday, right?” She laughed lightly, then sighed, staring down at the pancakes.

She was really playing this up, but for her to have had a present waiting meant she had initially meant to give this to me, anyway. I felt that cold, stabbing in my chest again. I had really messed this day up for her, hadn’t I? She was trying to be nice, despite her tasteless joke about me confessing, and I had gone and ruined it all.

I opened the box, and inside was a shiny, blue ballpoint pen. “Wait, for real? This looks expensive.”

Yanami sent her gaze out the window, twirling her hair around a finger. “That one pen you’re always using was just such a piece of junk and all. It took a while to get this since they do this whole thing where you can have your name printed on it.” Piece of junk was subjective, but whatever. She turned her eyes up at me. “Unless you, uh, don’t like it.”

“Nah, it’s awesome. I’m just surprised. You said my name’s on it?”

I picked it up out of the box. Yanami leaned in over the table too, curious to see for herself.

Along the length, in golden letters, written in English, was the name—Anna Yanami. For some reason.

“Wait, crap!” Yanami snatched it out of my hand.

“Huh? What…?”

“Sorry, forget you saw that! I’ll handle it! Gimme a bit and I’ll get you a new one, ’kay? Promise!”

“Then I’d feel even worse. Look, I’ll take it,” I said, grabbing the pen back from her. “I can keep it with your name on it. I’ll always think of you when I see it.”

I heard her gasp slightly. I looked up and saw her pulling away and falling back against the booth seat. Her face was bright red and she was holding her hands over her chest, twiddling her fingers.

“I bet you’d say that to anyone who gave you a gift, huh?” she said, turning her gaze to the folded up scarf on the table. “I don’t remember you ever wearing a scarf like that before.”

I froze, except for my heart, which started beating faster. “You know, I only wear it when… it's cold...”

She eyed me suspiciously and hummed lightly, questioning my trailing off.

I hung my head and sighed. “It was a gift, too. From Tiara-san. When she returned the BL doujin, she included it.”

Yanami hummed again, but smiled softly. “Well, it looks nice on you. She’s a thoughtful girl, that Basori-san.”

I turned the pen over in my hand nervously a couple of times, then returned it to the box for safe-keeping. “Yeah. She is. But so are you.” I looked up at her and smiled. “Thanks, Yanami-san. I really mean it.”

She grinned and took another big bite of pancakes. “Good! You’re welcome!”

She almost seemed to sparkle as she happily chewed that bite of syrup-drenched sweetness. For just a moment, I forgot about how this was all just a game, and once we were done, she was going to dump me. My first relationship was going to last two hours, tops.

At least it was with someone as pretty as her.

Once we were done, I paid the tab and we stepped outside. Yanami stretched her hands into the air and let out a satisfied sigh.

“Ahhhh, that was really good! I feel so much better.”

I smiled. I was glad she felt better, but the moment of truth was fast approaching.

She reached her hand out to me, as if she wanted me to hand her something. I stared blankly at her for a second. She pouted and leaned toward me, grabbing my hand with hers.

“There’s that part of you, again. Oh well, I guess I don’t totally hate it,” she said, and then grinned at me. “Walk me to the station?”

“S-Sure,” I sputtered. The two of us walked side by side, holding hands. I turned to look at her, taking in her profile. Something about her seemed even prettier than usual, suddenly. Was it because I was holding her hand? Was I really being roped into this to this extent? She glanced sideways and noticed me looking.

“Entranced by my beauty, suddenly?” she asked in a funny voice.

“N-no,” I said, turning to look ahead of us. “I was just thinking, I hadn’t ever held your hand like this. There was just that once when I forgot I was holding it.”

I heard her hum from my side. “Hmmmmm? You still think about that, eh? I thought maybe it was just me.” I was surprised by her words, and perhaps more surprised at the fact that she turned her hand in mine, slipping her fingers between mine and locking our hands together. This was just just like how real couples walked together. I couldn’t believe she would go this far just to get back at me.

I swallowed my pride and continued to walk hand in hand with her.

“Yeah, well, I guess that kind of thing just sticks in your mind. Now, more than ever, after what we said on that observation deck.” There. I would bring it up again. Maybe she would finally crack and admit what she was up to, or just get it over with. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take. My heart was in danger of actually breaking.

She was really making me feel all these crazy strong emotions, and I knew it was all going to come crashing down.

She squeezed my hand and leaned towards me, bumping against me lightly. “You’re gonna embarrass me, this is already hard enough as it is.”

Ah, so she was feeling bad about it, too? Good. At least it was mutual.

We finally came to the station. We stood quietly, still holding hands, waiting for her train to arrive. She would have to catch a different train than me, so this was surely going to be where she did it. I prepared myself.

As if in response to that, she turned to face me, looking into my eyes.

“So, hey, Nukumizu-kun…” she said quietly. “About the thing at the observation deck.”

Here it came. I was ready. “Y-yeah?”

She stepped towards me, still holding my hand, but now bringing it up and holding it against my chest. Her eyes turned to the side, looking past me on the left.

“What we said to each other… I really need to apologize…”

You’re sorry, but you can’t return my feelings. You had said you loved me in anger, but you had to take it back now. Something like that, probably. I prepared for the words. I knew they were coming, but they might still hurt to hear.

“W-what about?” I asked, licking my dry lips.

She stepped a bit closer now. Her chest was pressing against me now, our clasped hands between us.

“I shouldn’t have said it…” she said shakily. I nodded. This was it.

“Not like that,” she continued. “It should have been sweeter… More romantic, ya know? God, I am always screwing this stuff up when it matters most. I’m sorry. I’m such a mess.” I could hear her voice cracking, almost like she was holding back tears. What did she mean by sweeter? More romantic? She was going to reject me, right?

“Yanami, I know what you’re-” I started, but she turned her head up towards mine and interrupted me by planting her lips against mine. My eyes shot open and I stared down at her. Her eyes were closed, and she was pressing her lips against mine, parting them slightly, letting her breath push its way into my mouth. I could catch the slightest hint of maple from her pancakes. I couldn’t move. This was not at all what I had been expecting.

Was she willing to go this far just to achieve the maximum impact when dumping me?

She gently pulled her lips away from mine and opened her eyes, gazing up into my wide, shocked, shaken ones.

“I love you, too, Nukumizu-kun. Please, will you keep going out with me?”

Her train was arriving, according to the voice on the intercom. I kept staring at her, unable to speak, almost unable to breathe.

“B-b-but…” I sputtered. “Your revenge…”

She sighed and let go of my hand, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing.

“Can we go out again before break is over? You can tell me then, okay?”

“Okay?” I said, basically just repeating her.

The train arrived, and she leaned in, giving me another small peck on the cheek before boarding. She turned and smiled, her face still flushed red, and waved at me. I waved back, my lips curling up into a huge grin. Was this it? Was this her revenge, somehow? It made absolutely no sense.

The train pulled away and I was left standing on the platform, staring into the distance.

“What the hell just happened?” I asked no one in particular.

I heard someone click their tongue from my left. A guy was standing there looking at me. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. Wait, was that the same guy from the observation deck?

I pressed my fingers to my lips, remembering how it had felt to kiss her. How it had felt to hear her softly say those words to me.

“I love you, too, Nukumizu-kun. Please, will you keep going out with me?”

I shrugged. Sure. Why not? What’s the worst that could happen?

Chapter Text

"Welcome home, oniisama. Would you like dinner first, or a bath? Or maybe..." my sister Kaju said to me in greeting as soon as I walked in the house.

"It's too early for dinner, isn’t it?" I said, kicking my shoes off and patting her on the head as I walked past.

She spun in place and walked along beside me. "My my, oniisama, are you saying you want... me? I suppose we could bathe together if you insist."

"I didn't say that. Sorry, Kaju, I'm really not in the mood for this right now." I headed straight to my bedroom and tossed the bag I'd been carrying onto the floor near my desk. I flopped down on the bed face first and grabbed my pillow with both arms. I felt Kaju hop onto the bed next to me. She was never one to take a hint.

She placed her hand on the back of my head and softly petted me. "What's wrong, oniisama? You seem preoccupied. Could it be love troubles?"

You know that phrase about a broken clock being right twice per day? This was a real textbook moment for that. However, I couldn’t honestly say if it was love troubles or not. You would have to be in love for there to be any of those, right?

"I love you, too, Nukumizu-kun. Please, will you keep going out with me?"

Yanami's words repeated in my head. I mean, we both said the word love, but was it real? It couldn’t be. Right, it was just like I had said before my so-called confession, all fake. She was playing along with it for her own amusement. I felt Kaju start rubbing my back. I sighed and straightened out, allowing myself to be pampered a bit.

"No, nothing like that," I finally responded. "Just another thing with Yanami-san. You know how she can be."

"Well, if you ever do have love troubles, you know your Kaju will always be here to comfort you."

My phone buzzed from my desk, and Kaju stood up to grab it. I turned to get up from my bed when I heard her squeal at something. I shot up quickly to a seated position and saw her staring at my phone's screen.

Oh no. What is it? I quickly grabbed the phone from her, but the damage was done. She had opened a message from Yanami.

Ya: <That kiss… was that okay? I was swept up in the moment and it just happened.>

I groaned and hung my head. Kaju was absolutely vibrating. This was the last thing I wanted to have happen.

"Oniisama, you said a thing happened with Yanami-san. Was it a kiss?"

I held up my hands, placing one on her shoulder to hold her still and held the other up in front of her face with all five fingers extended.

"Deep breath, count down from five, okay?" She gulped for air and held her breath for a moment as I closed my fingers one by one. She mouthed the words for five, four, three, two, one, and then exhaled. This little drill had saved my eardrums and sanity plenty of times.

She leaned forward and whispered in my ear. "Did Yanami-san kiss you? Was it on the lips?" I could hear her holding back a giggle with all her might.

"I want to preface this by saying that it doesn't mean anything, it's not like we're dating. Well, I guess we’re kind of half-dating, but it's not like... It's not like..." I was at a loss, and starting to sound like Yanami.

My sister tilted her head in confusion. "It's not like what? Did she kiss you or not?"

My brain was overheating trying to think of the words to even say to explain what was going on between Yanami and me. It was starting to feel futile.

"Okay, so, she kissed me, but-"

She lost it again. There was no containing her at this point. She sat down on the bed next to me and bounced in place while patting her hands against my shoulder rapidly.

I stared at the phone's screen. "Anyway, Kaju, I need to reply to her."

She continued to bounce. "Don't mind me, reply to your heart’s content!"

"Alone, please? Okay? Just give me a few minutes. I'll tell you all about it after that."

She seemed satisfied with the promise of more information, and quickly shuffled away, closing the door to my room behind her. Finally able to focus, I typed back to her. I really didn't know how to feel about the kiss at all, but it hadn't been a bad thing. I had to at least reassure her of that.

Nu: <It's okay, but I was really surprised. I didn't think you would go that far.>

Ya: <Sorry, I know we haven't known each other for 2 or 3 years yet. I totally jumped the gun.>

A laugh snuck out, forcing my lips to curl up into a smile. "Making fun of me, huh? Okay..."

Nu: <Yeah, we'll have to postpone date number 2 until after graduation to get back on track.>

Ya: <That’s a shame, you're going to miss out on this free meal from Senpai if you don't go out with me again.>

Nu: <Alright, you talked me into it.>

Ya: <Tomorrow at noon?>

Wow, that's really soon. I guess she wants to get this over with quickly before break is over so we can go back to how things were. I pressed my fingers to my lips, remembering how it had felt to kiss her. Did I want things to go back? Could we somehow be friends who just happened to kiss sometimes? Because I kind of wanted to kiss her again. At least one more time. Maybe twice. The more I thought about it, the more I felt this yearning deep down in my chest. No wonder people throughout history have been swayed by pleasures of the flesh.

Nu: <Tomorrow at noon.>

It was about time to start getting ready for bed, and I was pretty exhausted. After brushing my teeth and getting my pajamas out and ready, I noticed another message from her. I tapped it open and froze.

Ya: <I love you.>
(Note: “大好き” “daisuki”, I like you/love you. More casual than "aishiteru", see notes at chapter start.)

My heart thumped heavily in my chest. I had said it to her. She had said it to me twice. Yet somehow seeing it spelled out in a message was totally different. There was a permanence to it that just saying it lacked.

Was she really serious? If so, how could I possibly respond? The normal thing would be to reply with "I love you too" but that felt so dishonest. I wasn’t sure about my feelings. But if I left her on read, that was even worse. If I didn't respond with anything but "I love you too" it could potentially be bad.

This single message had set me up with a no-win situation.

I gripped my phone tightly, and then it came to me. I had the perfect response, and it was completely truthful.

Nu: <That makes me so happy.>
(Note: “嬉しいよ” “ureshiiyo”, I’m very happy)

I let out a long sigh. One of those dramatic ones you hear from protagonists in romance anime. The back of my neck felt like it was floating. Was this what it was like to have a girlfriend? Even if it was Yanami, it still felt so nice. I dropped my phone on my bed and headed for the bathroom. I decided that I was going to enjoy this feeling for as long as I could. If she dumped me tomorrow, I would still have no regrets.

The next day at noon, back on the observation deck. I arrived and immediately spotted a blue-haired beauty from behind just across the way. She seemed to shimmer in the sunlight coming in through the window. I approached her and she turned to look, and sure enough, it was Yanami. There was no feeling of rejection like I’d had yesterday. Her face burst into a big smile as she saw me. Okay, I had to admit it, she was kind of pretty. In a Yanami way.

“Hey, you,” she said affectionately. “Ready for the most amazing free meal of your life?” She held up the meal voucher like it was some sort of treasure.

“Free food does have a particularly great flavor,” I responded. “I think it’s the freeness that really does it, what do you think? You’re a free food expert.”

“Hey, I paid you back fair and square in bentos! You don’t realize it but you lucked into a real opportunity with those lunches. After all, look at us now,” she laughed, and then slid up beside me. She pushed her arm under and then around mine, linking us by the elbow. “Shall we?”

On the inside, I was having an internal struggle between the part of me that was overjoyed to be getting this sort of attention and the part of me that was on pins and needles waiting for her to dump me with a callous grin and laugh. The happy side was winning. She was being so different than usual! She was being so cute! I told myself over and over to stay calm, and that this wasn’t going to last, but I couldn’t help it. I was starting to lose myself, and we were only two minutes into our date.

We approached the lunch counter, then stopped to look up at the menu above it. Yanami, still hugging my arm, leaned in against me as we looked. I felt the soft sensation of her chest pressing against my arm and gulped, my eyes involuntarily darting to the side. I briefly spotted someone grinning and giving me a thumbs up. Wait, was that the same guy again? Did he just hang out here every day or something?

We each made our selections, which according to the voucher was for a main dish with two sides and a drink. She had released my arm, but I was still smiling happily. We reached the register, and she handed the voucher to the lady working it with confidence. After a quick glance, she waved Yanami on, then looked at me.

“And you, sir?” she asked. I blinked and turned to Yanami.

“Yanami, that was for two meals, right? Two?”

She seemed just as confused as me. “Wait, wasn’t it?”

The lady behind the register continued to smile at us professionally. “Guests, that voucher was for one free meal, you’ll need to pay for the items on the second tray.”

I should have known this would happen. Maybe this was what I should have been anticipating rather than her breaking up with me. I nodded my head and reached into my pocket, but Yanami put her hand on my arm. She pulled her purse up from her hip and opened it. The look on her face only soured further as she stared into the bag, then slowly turned to me.

“We can… share I guess?” She forced a smile onto her face. What a reality check. Same old Yanami.

“Well, it’s my meal, I can pay for it,” I said, reaching for my wallet again.

“Sorry! I forgot but because I thought it was for two meals, I didn’t bring any cash,” she said as I dug a pair of bills out. I did a double take as I slowly comprehended her words.

Wait, none at all? I felt my brow scrunching.

She eyed me sheepishly. “I figured it would be free.”

I handed the money to the lady and sighed. “It’s fine, but I assume we want to do more than just get lunch, right?”

She rolled her eyes and turned towards the seating area. “Not everything costs money, Nukumizu-kun. There’s plenty of fun things couples can do for free.”

Well, food costs money. I bet this won’t be the last of it, I thought, taking my change from the lady, who was giving me a look of sympathy. I thanked her and followed Yanami to the dining area.

We found a table and sat down side by side. She cracked her chopsticks in half and started in on her meal, going straight for the grilled chicken first. The look on her face was of total disappointment, despite the fact that she was enjoying a meal. That was a real un-Yanami combo. I had to correct it.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to be here with you. Okay?”

She gazed at me and half-smiled. “I know, I know, I just thought for sure it was for two. Senpai even said it was for the both of us.”

“I’m sure she didn’t know. Besides, it’s best for everyone that we got the BL doujin back. That was payment enough for my hard work.”

Yanami giggled. “Oh sure, hard work, flirting with Shikiya-san and Basori-san all week. I’m sure you were really hating it.”

“I’ve had to literally start taking notes about how to deal with Shikiya-senpai. I don’t exactly consider that the best time,” I said, keeping to myself the fact that I had a way larger compilation of mental notes about Yanami than I did for Shikiya. “And Basori-san is a nice girl once you get to know her, but she can be so rigid. I’d much rather be spending time with any of you girls from the lit club, believe me.”

She finished her bite of chicken and seemed to be cheering up, finally. “Okay, okay, that’s fine. I have to ask, though, did you get curious and read any of that thing? It had you in it, after all.”

I raised my eyebrows and took a bite of my rice. “I skimmed it. Just barely skimmed it, though. I have to tell you, she really took some liberties with my character.”

Yanami elbowed me lightly. “I’ll say, it really takes some work to imagine you getting all aggressive with President Hokobaru. You wouldn’t have a chance.”

I smirked. You’re letting the mask slip, Yanami.

“Says the girl that agreed to go out with me,” I quipped back. “Maybe I’m just lucky.” Yanami’s face took on a slight blush and she stuffed another piece of chicken into her mouth. She was really selling this act, if that’s what it was. Seeing her reaction filled my stomach with butterflies.

“I’d been waiting,” she said quietly, turning her eyes over to me.

I swallowed my bite and reached for my beverage. She’d been waiting? For how long? I didn’t have long to ponder it. She was staring at my tray of food, now, eyes sparkling.

“Hey, that tempura looks pretty good. I’d noticed it, but it looked soggy at the time. Is it crispy?”

I felt a sudden wave of relief. This was her typical behavior.

“Perfectly crispy, help yourself.” I tapped my chopsticks against the tray, inviting her to dig in. She usually didn’t hesitate, but now she was looking right at me, expectantly.

“What?” I asked. She opened her mouth slightly and let out a tiny “Aahn” sound.

Ah, got it. We were really hitting up every new couple trope we could. A bit formulaic. I hadn’t figured her to be much for this sort of thing, she usually just ate what she wanted all on her own. Gingerly, I lifted a piece of pumpkin tempura and held it up to her mouth. She bit a big piece off and chewed with a grin and a high pitched squeak.

“That’s so good! They fried it perfectly. Can you dip it in the sauce for me?” she asked after finishing her bite. I shrugged and resigned myself to feeding her the entire piece. I dipped it and lifted it up to her mouth again. She really seemed to be enjoying it. I had to admit, I was, too.

After finishing our meals, Yanami hopped up and grabbed my tray. “I’ll take care of these, be right back,” she said, running off towards the lunch counter again. I rested my chin on my hand, waiting.

Yanami came back a couple minutes later, somehow holding a bag with various items in it, and she had two chicken skewers in her mouth. How had she bought all this stuff? She leaned towards me, swinging the skewers at my face. Confused, I took a step back. She grunted slightly.

“I can’t understand you with these things in your mouth,” I said, taking hold of the skewers. She released them to my grasp.

“One of them is for you, of course.” She reached her hand out for me to give back one of them. Why didn’t you just use that hand to carry them in the first place? Despite the stupidity of the situation, I smiled and felt a little spark of happiness. It made no sense, but it was kind of cute, and very like her.

“So, how did you afford these, again?”

“The lady at the counter took pity on me. She felt sorry for the whole voucher situation and said she had another one she could give me. Really sweet lady!”

She probably thought you were going to ask me to buy you more and took pity on me. Oh well, it all worked out in the end.

After an elevator ride, we exited the building and began to walk the streets of downtown, chicken skewers in hand like it was some sort of festival. I wasn’t too hungry, but I had a nibble anyway. She had already finished hers before we even reached the first cross-street.

“So, where should we go next?” she asked. I really had no idea. I’d never been on a date before, after all. At least, not outside of our one trip to the restaurant of broken hearts.

“I don’t know. Is there a park nearby or something?”

She clicked her tongue. “Nukumizu-kun, girls aren’t going to like you if you’re so indecisive.”

Why was she lecturing me about what other girls would think? She had been pretty careful this whole time, but then she would let things like that slip. Maybe this was just what I’d thought it was, but that was perfectly fine. I had said I would enjoy this as much as I could, so I was going to go all in.

“I don’t care if any other girls like me… I’ve got you.”

Her face went cherry red and she pulled her scarf up to her nose. She eyed me from the side, her hands holding the scarf in place. Damn it, that was really cute. I almost wanted to be swayed by it.

“Feh… W-well, ‘girls’ includes me, that’s all I meant.”

I smirked. “Oh, so you won’t like me if I’m indecisive? I guess I should work on that, I don’t want you to dump me.”

She leaned in towards me and glanced down at my chicken skewer. “I wouldn’t dump you. Don’t joke like that… are you gonna finish that?”

We both know that’s not true. Other than wanting my food, that is.

I handed her the rest of the chicken, which she eagerly stuffed into her mouth. I rubbed my hands together. I hadn’t really brought enough warm clothing, I realized. I shivered as a breeze blew past.

“Maybe somewhere indoors? It’s pretty cold today.”

She glanced at my neck. “What happened to the scarf from Basori-san?”

I had purposely not brought it because Yanami knew who gave it to me. It somehow didn’t feel right to wear a present from another girl while on a date, even if the present was merely given as a thank you. Even if the date was just a pretext to her dumping me at the most perfect moment.

I pulled the collar of my coat up slightly. “I’ll be fine, I was just saying we could get out of the cold if needed.”

She chuckled and wrapped the fluffy wool scarf she had on more tightly around her neck.

Oh sure, show off, why don’t you? I could imagine how much she was enjoying this. I almost wondered if she’d forgotten her cash on purpose and now she was relishing the sight of me shivering. With a sigh, I turned and started walking towards the nearby park. I heard her picking up the pace to catch up with me, and soon I had had a mass of soft, fuzzy material shoved into my arms.

“If you’re that cold, you can take this. My coat has a pretty fluffy collar I can put up,” said the now scarfless Yanami. I felt a twinge of pain in my chest for doubting her.

“I can’t just take your scarf and leave you cold,” I said, holding it back out towards her.

“Like I said, my coat has a big collar! Look!” she said, her voice raised as she demonstrated how high she could lift the fabric. “Don’t be so stubborn!”

She seemed genuinely miffed, so I shrank back and spread the scarf out, draping it over my neck and wrapping it around one time. Not only was it thick, but it was surprisingly long. I took a breath and smiled.

“Thank you. It’s really warm.”

Satisfied, her usual cheer returned as quickly as it had left. “I know, right? And it looks great.”

The two of us began walking towards the park entrance again, which was coming up before too much further. I pressed the fabric of the scarf against my face and breathed in through it. It had a distinctly pleasant smell. I wondered if Yanami was wearing some sort of perfume. I glanced to my side and noticed she was looking right back at me, a gentle smile on her lips.

“You should keep that, okay?” she said softly.

I blinked in surprise. “Wait, really? No, I couldn’t.”

She turned her eyes back forward. “It’s way better than that other one you have, think of it as an upgrade. Don’t worry, I have plenty of scarves at home, and that one really suits you.”

I felt myself blushing. I guess I had to accept it, then. I hadn’t been expecting two gifts from Yanami in a row, but I bet she hadn’t planned this one. All the same, I had to thank her.

“I’ll be sure to wear it often.”

“Anytime it’s cold out, right?” she said with a grin.

“Of course.” I laughed. It didn’t matter how cold it was at this point. This made me as warm as a spring breeze.

As we arrived at the park entrance, a very wintry breeze blew past us. Yanami lurched forward and shivered.

“Are you sure you want to stay outside?”

“Of course! I’m totally fine. The trees in the park will block the wind, you know.”

I didn’t know, but in we went. We beelined to a forested path. She was right, the trees really did block the wind. Unfortunately, they also blocked the sun. You could feel the temperature drop as we stepped into the shade.

With one final violent shaking fit, Yanami conceded. “Alright, you win. Forget the park, let’s find somewhere indoors.”

We exited the park and headed down the street a bit further. New years was approaching, and we found a spot where there was a pop-up shop making all kinds of mochi for the occasion. I had called it, we were going to be eating again. With Yanami, it was an inevitability.

I ended up buying us a selection of types and we sat down. I watched her eyeing the spread. Her eyes sparkled at the sight of all the different kinds with various fillings and decorations. The table was inside a large tent, and they had it nicely heated. Yanami took one in each hand and happily stuffed one into her mouth. She chewed with great satisfaction.

It was strange. Somehow, I actually enjoyed seeing her like this. I had never given it much thought, she was always eating after all, but she was really cute when she was enjoying something with all her heart.

“They really are the best when they’re fresh. You should try this one, the peach jam filling is to die for,” she said, handing me a mochi that’s had half of it bitten off already. I took it in hand and stared at the bite mark. Well, we’ve already kissed before, so I guess any germs we were going to swap have already been swapped, I thought, and then stuffed the half-mochi into my mouth. She was right. It was delicious. Maybe even to die for.

“So we have a day until New Year’s Eve. Any big plans?” she asked between cakes.

“Probably just spending the evening with Kaju. Mom and dad are going out to some sort of party with people from my dad’s work, so us kids are on our own.”

Yanami turned her eyes down towards the table and fluttered her eyelashes a bit. “Maybe I could come keep you two company, too? I don’t have any plans. Karen-chan invited me to hang out with them, but I’d rather not be a third wheel, you know?”

Really? You want to come over and dump me at my house in front of my sister on New Years Eve? I thought, the cynical side of my brain working overtime to keep me from being thrilled by her question. No, there’s no way she would do that. This is just her usual behavior. She doesn’t want to see the guy she was in love with making out with his girlfriend at midnight. I’d be a bad friend if I said no.

I smiled and nodded my head. “We’d love to have you over. I’m sure Kaju will be thrilled,” I said, but then paused, placing my hand on my forehead. “Ah, but fair warning, she saw that text you sent me. She knows we kissed, so she thinks we’re a couple.”

Yanami blinked, giving me a confused look. “We are a couple, though.”

Shit. I’d slipped up, there. “She knows, I mean. She knows we’re dating. She can just be kind of extra, you know. I bet she’ll want to interview you or something, so just be prepared.” I laughed nervously. Yanami looked concerned, but smiled and reached for another mochi.

“No worries, I’ll ace that interview.”

Future plans made, we enjoyed the rest of our little mochi cakes together and then made our way out of the tent. My belly was full to the point of bursting, so I was moving pretty slow. Yanami was unaffected, of course. We both needed to head home, and so we made our way to the station.

Her train was going to arrive first, just like last time. We stood on the platform together. It wasn’t exactly warm, but it was at least shielded from the wind somewhat. I was leaning against a pole and Yanami was leaning against me. She picked up the long end of my scarf in her hands and started playing with the wool tassels at the end in her fingers.

She flashed me a grin and then wrapped the scarf around her own neck, too. Damn it, that was really cute.

“We’re going to have to undo this when your train arrives, you know,” I said, taking hold of the thick wool and pulling her close with it. Sharing a scarf was yet another couple trope. She was laying it on thick now, but I was actually enjoying it.

She grinned, her blue eyes staring into mine. “You really have no sense of romance, do you?”

“Maybe you have a point.”

She placed her hands on mine and laughed. “Oh, you’re learning.”

I laughed back, just looking at her big blue eyes, getting lost in them. I’d thought it so many times that day, but damn it, she was so cute. My heart was starting to beat so fast. The feelings swirling around inside me were so confusing. We’d just spent the day together, just like always. But it was different, too. We’d never have done this kind of thing before. How could three little words have changed things so much?

She turned her gaze downward, and I could hear her shoe scraping against the pavement.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling deprived of her eyes now. That feeling was so jarring. I didn’t like it.

She looked back up at me, straightening her posture. “I don’t want to surprise you again, so…” She closed her eyes and pushed herself up onto her tiptoes, puckering her lips.

I didn’t waste any time thinking about how this was yet another couple trope. I closed my eyes and reached my arms around her, pulling her tightly into a hug and then pressed my lips to hers. I’d been wanting to do this all day, as much as I hadn’t wanted to admit it. Our last kiss had come out of the blue, but this one was now loaded with so much anticipation. Her soft lips, as expected, were the sweetest.

Well, other than the fact that there was a slight essence of grilled chicken instead of maple syrup. There was still no way I could complain. The feeling of her breath on my cheek, her arms around my midsection, her soft chest pressed into me, all of it was like a dream.

I sighed as the kiss ended and she slowly pulled away. I opened my eyes and looked down into hers. My mind was a haze. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to kiss her more deeply. I felt my heart swirling around in my chest as I had the intrusive but ever-present thought that this had all started from a fake confession, and she’d only returned it out of frustration.

That thought made me feel as if my heart might break.

I’d come into this knowing it could end at any moment. I’d told myself I would have as much fun as I could, and that I would accept going back to being just friends once our little game was done. I’d accepted it, and been fine with it. I was okay just letting it go.

As I looked down into her eyes, licking my lips after our kiss, I knew my mind had changed. I wasn’t okay with it ending. I didn’t want to let it go. It wasn’t just a game or a way to have some fun anymore.

Am I… Am I actually falling for Yanami?

I shook my head, and she brought one of her hands around, laying it on my chest. “You know when you said earlier you don’t care what other girls think about you?” I nodded. “That made me so happy. I wanted to kiss you right then and there. But I thought you might not want to.”

I sighed and leaned my head forward, pressing my lips to the top of her head. I kissed her hair and took a breath. The smell of her shampoo, whatever it was, was somehow intoxicating.

“I’m glad you finally did.”

A voice came over the intercom, announcing her train would arrive soon. She buried her face against my chest and made a little whining sound.

“I don’t want to,” I heard her say, her voice muffled by my coat. The sound of her pathetic little whine in her voice was adorable, somehow.

“I feel the same. I don’t want this feeling to end. I still can’t believe this might all just be…” I trailed off. I stopped myself. I couldn’t say that, no matter what. My confidence in this all being fake was really wearing thin.

“All just be what?” she asked, letting go and unwrapping the scarf from her neck.

“A dream, maybe,” I replied. She giggled and leaned up to me once more, planting a quick kiss on my lips again.

“This is no dream.”

I smiled and nodded.

“I love you,” she said, gazing into my eyes.

I looked back down at her, unable to speak. Could I say it now? Would it be honest? My hesitation must have seemed strange, but she continued to smile and laughed breathily.

“You can take your time. I know… it’s all sudden, right? We’re doing this but two days ago, this would all have been so… crazy.” She turned her gaze downward and then turned to face the train as it pulled in. “You can say it to me when you’re ready. I can wait a little longer.”

“Yanami, I’m-” I started, reaching out towards her. My heart truly ached.

“No apologizing,” she said, cutting me off. “Let’s not have any regrets.”

“I’ll… I’ll message you, okay?”

She stepped onto the train and turned to look at me through the open doors.

“I’ll be waiting.”

The doors closed, the train pulled away, and then she was gone. I had eaten so much I was probably going to end up skipping dinner. I was sure Kaju would forgive me, even if she cooked something awesome. I waited around for my train, replaying the day’s events in my head.

“I can say it when I’m ready, huh?” That tidbit really stuck with me. She was waiting for me to say it. That little voice in the back of my head was yammering on and on. Could that be what she was really wanting to have happened before she dumped me? Would she really have done all this just for that one moment of revenge?

Why was I so stuck on this idea that it was all a game? After everything that had happened, how could I still be thinking that? What was wrong with me?

That little voice needed to shut the hell up. I sighed, staring at the scarf she’d given me.

New Year's Eve was coming.

Chapter Text

“You can say it to me when you’re ready. I can wait a little longer.”

Why couldn’t I say it?

Maybe that wasn’t the right question.

How could she say it so easily?

“I love you.”

I scraped my fingers against my scalp, mussing my hair up in the process. Whether it was real or not, she’d really done it to me. I really did like Yanami, and I had to face the music. The two dates we’d been on now, and the two times we’d kissed, still felt so dreamlike and unreal.

I stared down at my phone, which sat on my desk in front of me, open to LINE and ready to send a message to her, but I had no idea what I wanted to say to her. I stared at her name on the screen as thoughts of her spun in my mind.

Yanami was a good friend, that much was certain. Other than my sister, she was the first person I really considered a friend. We met under such odd circumstances, and our relationship began as purely transactional, but she had somehow wormed her way into my life so thoroughly, we were already practically inseparable.

But, was it love?

“What do I like about Yanami?” I asked myself aloud. I found myself grabbing a notebook and a pencil, and starting a list of things I liked about her. I would write down the first things that came to mind, no matter how silly they seemed.

Things I Like About Yanami

• She’s nice

I stopped already and thought for a moment. Was she nice? She was always getting on my case about something. Not that she was mean or anything, but she didn’t exactly treat me nicely all the time. I shook my head and went back to the list. This was supposed to be a list of things I liked about her off the top of my head. I could think about them later, for now I just needed to write them down.

• She’s pretty

I stopped again and tapped my pencil against the paper. That felt like it was underselling it. I scratched that out and started a new line.

• She’s really pretty

I sighed. Did adding a superlative really make a difference? Why was I torturing myself over each of these? Was Yanami really this hard to quantify? Just write, darn it! I scratched that last one out and started again.

• She’s beautiful

I could feel the urge to tear the whole sheet of paper out and crumple it up. I stared down at those words: She’s beautiful. I shut my eyes and pictured her in my head. There she stood in my imagination, gazing right into my eyes. She really was beautiful. What about her was so beautiful, though? My eyes slowly opened again and a placed pencil tip to paper.

• Her deep, blue eyes
• Her silky hair
• Her cute little nose (can smell distant treats)
• Her lips (soft)
• The way she kisses me
• The way it feels to hug her tight (also soft)
• Big boobs (really soft)

I stopped and felt my eye twitch.

“C-come on, Kazuhiko,” I said to myself. “Be serious. But… I do like those… I guess I’ll leave it…”

• The way she smiles when she’s eating something delicious
• Her pouting face when she wants something
• The way her hair flutters in the wind
• How she cares about her friends
• How she says she loves me

I set my pencil down and read through the list again. It was true, these weren’t the kinds of things you would think about just any friend. However, the answer evaded me still. Was it love? Did I love Yanami?

“I wish this was easier to figure out,” I said aloud with a deep sigh.

“This is a very nice list, oniisama, but I think the part about her boobs is a bit much. You’re such a naughty boy.”

I jumped slightly in my seat and turned my head to find Kaju standing beside me, staring down at the paper. One of the reasons I liked using paper sometimes was because it didn’t somehow instantly upload to her phone, but here she was. Hadn’t I locked my door? Did I need to change the lock again?

“Kaju, ever heard of knocking?”

“I did knock. You were so lost in your lust for Yanami-san’s ample bosom that you didn’t hear, clearly.”

Alright, that still didn’t explain the lock situation. Whatever.

“There was zero lust, I’ll have you know. I was just working through something.”

“Something boob-related.”

“S-stop saying boobs. Anyway, I have to let you know, Yanami-san will be joining us for New Year’s Eve, so-”

“Oh, how wonderful! I’ll make sure I’m prepared!”

“Please, Kaju. No interview, okay?”

“We’re way behind schedule on it.”

What schedule? “Look, the last thing we need is you asking Yanami-san a bunch of… questions about…” I trailed off, my eyes gravitating back to the list I had been writing. Wait, actually, if Kaju did her little interview, and I told Yanami to just humor her, maybe my feelings would somehow click into place.

“Alright, but you should try to keep it short, so make the questions good ones.”

Kaju’s eyes lit up. “Oniisama, could it be that you’re actually taking things seriously?”

“More like I know I can’t stop you from doing it, and I want to make sure Yanami-san has a good time while she’s here.” That wasn’t far from the truth of the matter. No need to tell her I was counting on her for other reasons. “It’s about bedtime, anyway, mind getting the bath ready?”

She bounced and spun in place with a grin. “Of course! Could it be that you want to bathe together?”

“I’ll have to pass. Again. You can go first.”

She pouted but stepped lightly out of my room, turning to look at me at the last moment just to stick out her tongue before disappearing into the hallway.

Alone for a while now, I could get back to what I had been doing. The plan had changed, though, so I set the notebook to the side and picked my phone up. It was still on my LINE conversation with Yanami. I had told her I would message her, and I was certainly taking my time. It was never so hard to message her before. Everything really was changing just because of those three little words.

Nu: <Hey there, make it home safe?>

Her response came almost immediately, like she had the message ready to go.

Ya: <Home safe, yes! I had a lot of fun today.>

Nu: <Me, too. I just told Kaju about you coming over for New Years Eve. She promised not to ask too many interview questions.>

Ya: <lol I told you I would ace that, don’t worry.>

I smiled. I was counting on it, honestly. Before I could respond, another message came in.

Ya: <Hey, sorry if this is a bother, but can I call you? I really want to hear your voice.>

I much preferred communicating with text over phone calls. The last call I’d had with Yanami was all the way back when we were worrying about Lemon and Ayano having a secret rendezvous. I chuckled as I recalled that because the subject of that conversation had been the fact that Ayano thought the two of us were dating, and now here we were, actually dating.

Regardless, I sucked it up and pressed the button to call her.

“Hello,” I heard her say on the other end. Her voice sounded a bit strange, but I couldn’t place how exactly.

“Hello. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she said after a bit of a pause. “I just wanted to talk. I miss you.” She sounded so quiet and shy, not like how she normally sounded. Her voice made my ears and the back of my neck tingle.

I laughed lightly. “We just saw each other earlier.” That was met with an immediate groan from the other end.

“Can’t I miss my boyfriend when he’s not here to cuddle up against?”

“S-sorry… I didn’t mean-”

“I know, it’s okay. I just… really didn’t want to let go when my train got there.” I heard her exhale lightly, and then a light splashing sound. I suddenly realized why her voice sounded strange and a bit echoey. Was she in the bath? Somehow, the idea of her being totally naked on the other end of the call brought those tingles on my neck back, stronger than before.

“Are you… near water?” I asked, attempting to broach the subject. “Careful not to drop your phone.” That really was my chief concern. I was not thinking about her naked body at all. Absolutely not.

“Don’t worry, it’s on speaker and sitting in a safe spot,” she said, and then made an audible splashing sound again. “Just having my evening soak.”

“I’ll be doing that soon, too. Maybe we should talk again after we’re both out?”

She laughed and her voice became more clear. She must have leaned over toward the phone on her end.

“What’s wrong? Thinking about me in the bath got you all hot and bothered?”

“N-no,” I lied.

“What if I said that thinking about you while I was in the bath had me hot and bothered?”

I gulped. “I-I’d say you’ve been in too long.”

She laughed again. “You are way too cute when you’re flustered. I’ve really been missing out.”

I smirked and rolled my eyes. “Me? Couldn’t be. If either of us is cute, it’s you.”

I heard a slight movement in water through the phone and a breathy laugh.

“You are so gonna get it for that one on New Years Eve,” she said in a quiet, happy sounding voice.

Get it? What was it? I shivered again. She sounded so cute, I couldn’t believe it was Yanami on the other end of this call. A second later, I heard another breathy sound, but this one sounded less like a laugh and more like a moan. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it triggered a tingling sensation in the back of my head yet again. I pulled the phone slightly away from my ear in reaction.

“You okay?” I asked, unsure if I should be concerned.

“Huh? Oh uh…” she stammered, followed by some more splashing sounds. “You heard that?”

“Heard what, now?”

“N-nothing! I should probably get out of the bath, you’re right.”

What the heck was she so worked up about? Maybe she was just excited for New Year's Eve.

“Kaju is probably done with hers, I’m up next, so I should go take care of that.”

“Sounds good! Message me before you go to sleep?”

“Sure thing.”

“Nukumizu… kun,” she said, hesitating before the honorific for some reason. “I love you.” Her voice was so quiet, and I could tell she had switched to holding the phone up to her head now rather than using speakerphone. Despite the softness of her voice, her words felt so powerful.

We sat in silence for a moment, the sound of my breathing feeling louder than usual somehow.

I’m the worst.

“I know you’re not ready but I just wanted to say it.”

Why can’t I say it? I have to say something, damn it!

“It still makes me happy. I’m sorry I-”

“You will,” she interrupted, sounding like she always did when there was something that was important to her. There was no sadness in her voice, just sheer determination. “I’ll make you say it, and I know when you do, you’ll really mean it.”

I turned to look at the list of things I liked about Yanami and nodded my head with determination.

“I’ll message you.”

“I’ll be waiting. No matter how long it takes.”

I felt a stabbing in my chest. She didn’t just mean the message.

“I’ll try…” I said, swallowing and taking a breath before continuing. “I’ll try to make it as soon as possible.”

I decided to just take a shower, no soaking in the tub. I made it as quick as possible so I could get ready and get to bed. While I stood there, water dripping down my body, I whispered quietly to myself.

“I love you.”

It wasn’t hard to say on its own, but I knew I owed it to her. I was sure now, this was no game, and it was no trap for her to reject me. She was living another one-sided love affair, and it was all my fault. I had done this to her. I would take responsibility. I would find those feelings inside me so I could say it to her and really mean it.

New Year's eve was the day after tomorrow. After climbing into bed, I sent her a LINE.

Nu: <In bed now. Looking forward to New Year’s. It won’t be too fancy, but I got some fireworks and Kaju is going to bake a cake.>

Ya: <Can’t wait! My mouth is watering just thinking about imouto-chan’s cake. Her snacks at Tsuwabuki Fest were delicious.>

Nu: <She never fails when it comes to baking and cooking.>

Ya: <I want a little sister that cooks for me! I’m gonna steal her.>

Nu: <OK, but you have to give her back when you’re done.>

Ya: <Stingy.>

I could feel my eyes getting heavy. With a yawn, I tapped out my final message.

Nu: <I’m drifting off. Good night, Yanami-san.>

I set my phone down, though it buzzed with another message almost immediately. Groggily I picked it up and looked. It was a picture message of her smiling face. Her head was resting on a pillow and she was pursing her lips into a kiss. I smiled and kissed my phone’s screen, and then shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

After a day of preparation, New Year’s Eve was upon us. Yanami was spending some time with her family during the day, but would be joining us after dinner, around 8:00 PM. Kaju and I were still busy with our New Year’s house cleaning. I wanted to make sure it was perfect for Yanami’s visit.

The oven timer began to beep, and Kaju ran off towards the kitchen. A moment later, the doorbell rang. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was barely 7:15 PM. Surely it wouldn’t be Yanami yet. I went and opened the door.

“Yes, who is it… Oh, it’s you.”

Yanami was standing on the front porch, overloaded with things. She had several bags in each hand, plus a backpack on her back. This was in contrast with the outfit she had on, which consisted of a button-up blouse with pleats down the center and long sleeves with flared ends, and a long but loose dark red skirt. She looked great, other than being completely overloaded.

“Don’t sound so excited to see me. A little help?”

I shook my head and stepped back so she could come inside. I reached for the bags in her left hand, taking them with both of mine. They were heavy! I had no idea how she’d managed to carry all this from the station, but then I heard a car horn honk.

Yanami turned and waved at the car in front of the house. The person in the driver’s seat waved back at her, then pulled away. Was that her dad? I shut the door while lost in that thought, trying not to think about why she had so much stuff with her.

“Holy crap, it smells good in here! Anyway, I brought all the essentials!” she said, lugging her things into the dining room and setting the bags on the table. She started to unload items one by one. “We’ve got osechi ryori, some mochi, tangerines, soba, and sparkling grape juice. Oh, and I thought it might not be enough, so I got some sushi rolls, too. Mostly vegetarian, mind you!”

“There’s only three of us.” I stared down at the bounty as it just kept coming.

“You can never be too prepared, Nukumizu-kun. It’s better to have leftovers than run out!”

She had me there, I guess. The next item to come out was a portable stereo system with two microphones.

“You brought a karaoke machine?”

She grinned. “I thought you liked Karaoke. You went one time with Basori-san, right?”

“We were studying, but yeah.”

She leaned against me abruptly. I adjusted my stance so as to not fall sideways.

“Come on, don’t you want to sing a duet with me? I’ve always wanted to do one of those with my boyfriend,” she said, her face suddenly twisting. “Sousuke never wanted to do any romantic songs, though. He always picked stupid anime songs.”

Oh boy. We were dating but this was still an imminent danger, was it?

Surprisingly, she caught herself and then turned to look at me. “No anime songs! Or Frozen!” I couldn’t agree more. “Something lovey-dovey, you know. I want to feel the love!”

I felt her extrovert side pushing against my introvert everything. A voice came from behind me, joining the fray.

“Oh, that sounds fun! I want to sing a duet with you, too, Oniisama!” Kaju had returned from the kitchen, wearing a white apron and wearing baking mitts. “Welcome back, Yanami-san. So good to have you.”

Yanami stopped leaning on me and began to gravitate towards Kaju and the kitchen. “Thank you for having me. Is that heavenly smell what I think it is?”

Kaju winked cutely and nodded her head. “It has to cool for a bit before we can put icing on it, but it came out wonderfully. I see you’ve contributed some… lovely additions for the evening!” Kaju chose her words carefully, but I saw her eyes widen as she eyed the spread on the table. Yanami had brought enough for a party. Too bad two of us were light eaters.

After setting up the karaoke machine and unpacking all the snacks Yanami had brought, the three of us found ourselves in the kitchen. It was time to ice the cake, and Yanami wanted to help. I knew that wasn’t it, though. She wanted to snack on the frosting, which she dipped a finger into immediately to have a taste.

As her finger entered her mouth, the biggest and brightest smile burst forth on her lips.

The way she smiles when she’s eating something delicious.

I felt my heart thump in my chest. That smile was contagious on top of being one of my favorite things about her. I smiled back and laughed. “That good?”

She gasped. “You should know, your sister is a genius! This isn’t just some store-bought buttercream. Come here, get a taste of this!”

I humored her and had a sample. It was as good as she said, but I already knew that. Kaju had been making this frosting for years now. She started learning how to bake and cook when she was just four years old, so she had a decade of experience. It was a wonder I was as thin as I was, sharing a house with her cooking over the past decade.

Yanami proudly nodded her head at me, as if she had been the one who made the mixture.

“That’s the real deal. You can’t get that just anywhere.”

Kaju began loading the frosting into a piping bag, blushing slightly. “Yanami-san, you’re embarrassing me. I still have a long way to go.”

“For real, Nukumizu-kun. I’m going to steal her.”

I clicked my tongue. “No way, she’s mine.”

“Now, now, you two,” Kaju intervened. “There’s no need to fight over me. Yanami-san, you’ll be part of the family soon enough, won’t you?” She winked and Yanami nearly choked on the second helping of frosting she had just shoved into her mouth.

“It’s a bit soon for that, don’t you think?” I asked Kaju as I went to get Yanami a glass of water.

“Of course not. After all, you two are serious, are you not?” Kaju asked, and then reached for her phone, tapping on the screen a few times. I eyed the screen from my angle at the sink and could see she’d started some sort of recording. “Yanami-san, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

Yanami, having taken the water now and drank it down, suddenly straightened her back and looked down at the cake as Kaju began to pipe icing onto it.

“Right now?”

“Why not? I have always wanted to know, and he’d never tell me, but how did you come to meet my dear brother for the first time?”

This was it. She was doing the interview, casually, as she iced a perfectly round chocolate cake. I turned to look at Yanami, who was looking back at me nervously. She cleared her throat and began speaking.

“Alright. I said I’d ace this, and I meant it.” She began to regale Kaju with the tale of our meeting.

“He and I already knew each other from class, so I guess our class introduction was the real first meeting, but the one that matters is what happened one day at a family restaurant a ways away from school. I happened to be there with my childhood friend, Hakamada Sousuke. I’d known him for twelve years, and we were closer than close. We still are, mostly. But back then, I was in love with him. It was one-sided, for the most part. Looking back on it, I think he did see me as a woman, but I was… not helping matters, I guess.”

Kaju had taken a pen to a piece of paper and jotted down a couple of quick notes. Jeez, did there have to be a paper trail?

“Not helping matters?” Kaju asked, tilting her head. I’d wondered the same thing at the same time. For my part, I had never really heard her tell this story fully from her perspective, she’d only vented about it after the fact. Had Hakamada really seen her in that way?

“Right. Not helping, I guess is the right way to put it. Sousuke is a sweet guy, but he’s still a guy. I could tell from the first day we started hanging out as a trio with the exchange student, Himemiya Karen, that she was willing to uh… put herself out there, more than me. You know, deep v-necks, unbuttoned blouses, skirts that are just a little too small for her backside… and Sousuke definitely noticed.

“I see.” Kaju nodded. “ What does this have to do with oniisama, though?”

Yanami laughed and playfully bonked herself on the head. “Sorry, I’m getting to it. In any case, I’m sure she noticed he was being wishy-washy about it and she told us this story about how she was going to transfer back to England. She laid it on really thick. He totally bought it, and I almost believed her, too. That day, in that restaurant, I knew I’d been beaten. He couldn’t think about anyone but her, but he was there with me. We were a duo again. I could have had him all to myself, but he would never be mine. I knew it. So… I let him go.”

Kaju set the icing piper down and reached out to Yanami, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I understand how you feel, Yanami-san. That must have been so hard. I know just what it’s like to have the only man in the world you love only looking at someone else.”

The two of them locked eyes and Yanami took Kaju’s hand in hers. “You do? You poor thing.”

Don’t feel that sorry for her, Yanami, she’s talking about me…

“Anyway, right. How we met.” Yanami finally got back on track. “Nukumizu-kun was there in that same restaurant that day. He saw the whole thing happen and kindly bought dinner for me, such a gentleman.”

Not exactly how that shook out, but I’ll keep my mouth shut.

“I mean, I paid him back. You know, in bento lunches.”

Kaju gasped. “Oh! That’s why she was making you those lunches! Oniisama, I thought that was a rental service you had foolishly spent your money on.”

You still thought that to this day?

“He wasn’t exactly sweet to me, but he was exactly what I needed at the time. He didn’t try to take advantage of the situation or anything. He listened to me, he was there for me… sure, at first it was about paying him back for the food, but soon, we became friends so naturally. So, how was that? Did you get a feel for the emotional impact of that moment? That kind stranger reaching out and wanting to help a poor girl who just had her heart broken?”

Kaju gave a big toothy smile as she finished the layer of icing she had been working on. She started pulling out some bowls and putting white icing into each, along with drops of food coloring. “Absolutely! Here, oneechan - may I call you oneechan? Could you help me mix these colors?”

Yanami smirked and took a bowl in hand. “How about Anna, Kaju-chan?”

Kaju sighed. “Alright, Anna-chan. Next question! What is your family life like?”

Yanami scoffed. “Easy. Both my parents work. My mother is an office lady, and my father works in the grocery industry. You can thank him for a lot of the food items I brought with me today, actually. We’re by no means well-off, but we get by just fine. I’d say we’re a loving and happy family.”

“No siblings?”

“Not until I kidnap you.”

“Let’s put a pin in that,” Kaju replied nervously. “Let’s talk about the two of you. How many dates have you been on so far? And tell me about your favorite moment during a date.”

I felt some nervousness creeping up. I wondered how she’d answer. My favorite part of our dates so far had honestly been the time we spent sharing a scarf.

Yanami blushed and stared down into the rose-colored frosting she was mixing. “Well, two so far, and there was this moment on our second date where I kind of said something thoughtlessly. I just fell back into an old habit, and I told him girls wouldn’t like him if he kept being so indecisive. And, you know what he said?”

I felt my heart thump again as she mentioned that moment.

Kaju gazed at her, starry-eyed. “What did he say?”

Yanami leaned forward, bringing her face close to Kaju’s.

“I don’t care if any other girls like me. I’ve got you,” she said, making her voice sound oddly deep, probably even deeper than my voice actually was.

Kaju placed the bowl she was holding on the counter and cupped both of her hands over her chest, like she was grasping at her heart. She turned her head and looked at me, mouth slightly agape. What kind of reaction was that?

“Oniisama, you lady-killer!”

Yanami sputtered a laugh. “I know, right? I wanted to just squish him and kiss him right then and there!”

“Anna-chan, I am completely and utterly jealous!” Kaju’s voice was squeaking with excitement.

What a reaction! Was it really that good of a line?

The two of them were panting now, like they were out of breath.

“Alright, Anna-chan, last question!”

“I’m ready!”

“Where do you see your relationship with my brother going in the future? What are your plans for that?”

“Well,” she said, pausing and looking over at me. I could see in her eyes she wasn’t quite sure how to answer. I knew that was my fault, at least partially. I was the one who couldn’t say what our present circumstance even was. I sighed, and Yanami started to answer while her beautiful blue eyes gazed across the counter into mine.

“I’m trying to keep it real.”

“Real how?” Kaju asked, taking the icing from her and giving her a different bowl to mix.

“Well. You know. We’re still young and all. They say seven out of ten high school couples break up after graduation. Seventy percent, can you believe that?”

Kaju nodded and gave a simple “Mmmm, mmmm.”

“People get so worked up over being in love, but then the next thing you know, boom! It’s over! Why, we know plenty of people whose love never even took off, let alone got anywhere. Poor Lemon-chan and Komari-chan both went through it.” She looked at me again, a sad sort of smile across her lips. “We’re lucky to even be together, if you ask me.”

Such a somber answer to a question that should be all about cheerful optimism. In that moment, I saw clearly that I was not the only one who was feeling this cloudy unease about our relationship. It made me wonder all over again, just how did Yanami really feel about me? Was she actually just as lost as me, but trying her hardest to make it work?

Somewhere in that very down-to-earth answer, I found the slightest glimmer of hope. Behind her sad smile, I could see the roots of a brighter, happier one.

I could add another item to the list of things I liked about Yanami: Her spirit.

“So you think you won’t make it? You’re planning on breaking up?” Kaju asked, concerned.

Yanami shook her head. “”Mmm-mmm, not in the slightest. I want us to last as long as we possibly can. I want to see just how long we can make it.” She looked at me again, smiling more brightly now. “I want us to graduate together, hopefully as a couple that’s still together, but I want us to always keep it real. That’s my answer.”

I couldn’t look away from her. Unblinking, I stared into her eyes, and smiled.

Keeping it real, huh? With no plans to break up. If I hadn’t already put my doubts to rest about that, then they would have faded away now. But now it was my responsibility to keep it real with her. Which meant figuring out my feelings and being true to them. Keeping it real might just be harder than expected.

The evening moved along. Soon, we had cake, along with all the food Yanami had brought. It was a regular feast. I found myself really enjoying the osechi ryori she’d brought, nibbling on it here and there. She had gone back into the kitchen, wanting to prepare the soba she’d brought. Kaju sat beside me, taking a bite out of a mochi and leaning against me.

“Did you hear what you wanted to, oniisama?”

I flinched. Had it been that obvious? Keeping things from Kaju was next to impossible, so I should have expected that she’d sense my motives in letting her give the interview.

“I don’t know. It may have actually made things even harder,” I said quietly, not wanting to be overheard. The thought of a future breakup kept coming to the forefront of my thoughts. The vision of her sad face made my heart feel like it could break just from imagining it.

Kaju hugged my arm up against her and sighed. “Well, as far as the interview goes, it pains me to say it, but I approve of you dating her.”

“Gee, that means so much.” I said flatly.

“I’m serious. I think that girl needs you.”

I tilted my head down to her curiously. “Needs me? What do you mean?”

“You heard what she thought that Hakamada guy was thinking about with her and their friend Karen. That can be really hard on a girl, you know.”

I wasn’t sure I was following completely. A slightly guilty feeling having to do with 4K TVs floated through my mind, but I wasn’t sure why.

“You don’t get it, do you?” She sighed. “That’s fine. That’s kind of what I think she needs. Someone who likes her as a person and doesn’t expect her to… you know…”

I made a creaky groaning sound. I didn’t know, at least I didn’t think I did.

Kaju looked up at me and pouted. “This really is the problem with you, oniisama.”

Not her, too. I shrugged and went for a slice of sushi roll.

“I guess it’s not a bad problem to have. At least you won’t make her sad like he did.”

That was the last thing I wanted to do, so she was right about that. I wanted Yanami to always be smiling and happily enjoying herself. I felt a deep desire in my chest to make sure of it. Still, what she had said earlier came back to me.

I always want to keep it real.

Even if I did love her, that could change. Would we break up eventually? Would that also spell the end of our friendship as it’s been? What if we were already past the point of no return? We had confessed, kissed, gone on dates… we were totally already a couple.

So, why was taking that next step so scary to me?

A plate of soba interrupted my thoughts as it was plopped down on the table in front of us, piled high, with no garnish or anything. Just a massive mountain of noodles.

Yanami sat down and scooted her chair towards me, getting close enough to bump shoulders. I was sandwiched between her and my sister now, both hugging my arm against them.

“I figured we can sauce them up however we want individually.”

“Good idea,” I replied, “but I can’t do much of anything with both my arms pinned.” Truthfully, I was pretty full, and there was something nice about being hugged by two of my favorite people at the same time.

“That’s okay, oniisama, I’ll feed you. Say ahh!” Kaju picked up some soba noodles and held them in front of my mouth. Another set of chopsticks came into my field of vision from the other side, and I sensed an oncoming battle.

“Here, Nukumizu-kun, I dipped them in some yakisoba sauce with garlic and bonito flakes, say ahh.” My eyes darted over to her noodles, then back to Kaju’s again. I could feel her grip on my arm increasing.

“Anna-chan, you’re our guest, you don’t have to feed oniisama, you can leave that to me,” Kaju said, bending backwards to no doubt glance over at Yanami from behind my head.

“Kaju-chan, you spent all that time making the cake, you should treat yourself and leave feeding my boyfriend to me.”

Oh no, I had really prayed hard that we’d get through the night without anything like this happening. I guess prayers made before midnight were not answered. I somehow made it through dinner, and an attempted karaoke session. Kaju and Yanami had a lot of fun, but I didn’t know any of the songs Yanami wanted to sing, particularly the duets. She seemed pretty disappointed, but ended up singing a duet with Kaju.

Seeing the two of them enjoying themselves so much was enough for me, though. I was content.

It was getting close to midnight, and we ended up outside in the front yard, lighting sparklers and chatting about school, of all things.

“So, you want to come to Tsuwabuki?” Yanami asked Kaju as they both swung their sprinklers in tall circles.

“Where else? I only got to enjoy one year of middle school with oniisama, and I’ll only get one year of high school with him! If only I had been born a little bit sooner, we could have been just one year apart!”

“Jeez, give mom and dad a break, will ya? They’re not rabbits.” I chuckled and lit my own sparkler and joined them. “Besides, it’s not like we’d have classes together anyway.”

Kaju turned to me and stuck her tongue out. “So? I’ll still come see you on breaks and lunches! And of course, I’m going to join the literature club, that goes without saying!”

“Not the student council?” I asked, cocking one eyebrow. “Wouldn’t it be better to do what you’ve got experience doing already?”

“I can always run for Student Council president in my second year after you’ve graduated. Don’t underestimate your Kaju, oniisama!”

“Well, I’ll be happy to have you in the lit club, Kaju-chan,” Yanami said with a toothy grin. “Your brother needs all the help he can get.”

Ah, thanks for the vote of confidence.

“Absolutely! And now I know I can rest easy, knowing you’re there with him in the coming year, Anna-chan. Please do look after my dear brother.”

I groaned at the exchange. What was she, a father giving his daughter away? I shivered. It was pretty chilly outside. It turns out that even though they were on fire, sparklers didn’t produce any heat at all, really. I shivered and finished the sparkler I currently had lit, then turned to head towards the front door.

“I’m going to go get my jacket.”

Yanami dropped her spent sparkler in the water bucket and came up alongside me.

“I’ll go, too. Gotta use the ladies’ room. Be right back, Kaju-chan!”

We both went inside, leaving Kaju to fend for herself. She was bundled up and waving a sparkler around in a wild pattern. I figured she would be okay for a couple minutes. It was close to midnight, anyway, so we probably wouldn’t be at it too much longer.

“I need to go, too. You know where the upstairs bathroom is?”

Yanami nodded and headed to the stairwell. “Be right back!” she sang out. I finished my business and washed up, then returned to the closet at the front of the house. My jacket wasn’t in there, at least not that I could see.

I guess I left it up in my room.

I headed up the stairs and walked down the hall. I noticed that the bathroom door was open and the light was off, but there was no sign of Yanami. That was strange. I shrugged and turned the corner into my bedroom and then froze.

Yanami was standing in my bedroom, looking down at my desk. In her left hand was the scarf she’d given me, and I could see my jacket was hanging on the back of my chair. Her other hand was hovering at her chest, holding onto the second button down on her blouse, which she seemed to have just unbuttoned.

And there, sitting on my desk, was a notebook, open to the page where I had written a list of things I liked about Yanami.

“Yanami,” I said. Startled, she turned her head and gasped, then held the scarf up and out towards me.

“I-I saw your jacket and scarf were here! I thought I would bring them to you since you were cold.”

That was nice of her, but I was very much wondering why she had started to undress herself. Even more importantly, I wondered if she had seen the list.

I cautiously approached her, reaching out for the scarf. “Thanks.” Our fingers touched as I took the scarf in hand, and my eyes anchored firmly on her unbuttoned blouse. The middle of her light blue bra was visible just above the third button since she’d undone the two above it.

She let go of the scarf so I could take it, but then slid her hand forward and up against mine. I realized I was staring at her chest and blinked, bringing my eyes up to her face. She was smiling and her cheeks were bright red. Oh no, she had read it all, hadn’t she? Still, I asked.

“Did you read-”

“It’s getting pretty close to midnight,” she interrupted me. “You know, they say if a couple kisses right at midnight, it means they'll be together for the whole new year.”

I gulped lightly. “Who says that?”

She batted her eyelashes. “You know. People. It’s romantic, too. It makes it so the last thing you did in the previous year, and the first thing you did in the new year is kissing the person you love.”

I started to knead the scarf in my hands. Whether I love her or just liked her as a friend was still up in the air in my brain, somehow. Was it even right for us to kiss when I was being so indecisive? She wanted to keep it real.

“But it’s really just the same kiss, so-”

She groaned. “Yeah, but it’s still two different years!” She placed her hands on my shoulders and pulled me towards her. “You really love giving me a hard time, don’t you?”

I smirked. “Maybe.”

She pressed her nose against mine. “You can add it to that list of yours.”

I lifted the scarf up and swung it around my neck so it hung down in front of me.

“So you did read it,” I said quietly. The feeling of her breath against my face was making it hard to think about anything but her soft lips, which I liked a lot.

“Mmm-hmm. It was very enlightening.” She took hold of the scarf and brought it up and around her own neck, using it to pull our bodies closer.

“Y-yeah?”

She nodded and ran her hands down my arms and softly slid her fingers against my palms. We stood quietly, just looking into each others’ eyes as she gently played with my hands.

“I can tell you things I like about you, too. Like your long, slender fingers.” She tickled me between my fingers before taking a firmer hold of my hands. I let my fingers curl around her hands, too. They felt so warm and comforting.

“And I like how you’re always cautious and gentle,” she said with a light giggle, still gazing into my eyes. “But you could be a little more forward sometimes.”

As she spoke, she pulled my hands towards her and brought them up to her body. My palms pressed up against her sides and she pushed them upward. I could feel the line that her bra strap drew around her through her blouse. I nervously gulped at the feeling. Her ribcage was firmer than expected, with a bit of padding, and very warm.

She brought her arms back around me, now, letting her fingers slide up and down my sides. I flinched slightly and laughed through my nose.

“That tickles.”

She smiled wider, showing her bright white teeth beneath her crimson-painted cheeks.

“I like how you’re ticklish. I just found out about that one.”

I rolled my eyes lightly and began to move my fingers along her ribs now. She laughed and pulled her arms back halfway in response.

“It seems we both are,” I said, continuing my assault, rising higher and going for her armpits.

She squeaked and grabbed me by the sides, trying to counterattack. “Ahh! That’s off limits!”

I pushed up into her underarms and wriggled my fingertips.

“Just being forward! You said I should!”

“Ahh! No! Okay then, how about-!” She shouted, and then did something I never could have predicted. She leaned forward, opened her mouth, and bit me right on the side of my neck, making a growling sound like a dog that was play-biting.

My entire body froze in place as a wave of shivers coming from where her teeth were digging into my skin shot through it. I pulled my head back and released a loud moan from my chest, a sound I didn’t even know I could make as of yet.

Almost as if by instinct, I brought my hands back, turned the palms forward, and pushed against her chest. It took a moment for me to register what I had just done.

There we stood, both frozen in place, her mouth latched onto my neck, and my hands firmly grasping her breasts, with a wool scarf wrapped around us.

At that moment, it hit me: It was kind of hot in here.

“Yanami,” I managed to say. She laughed again and pulled her mouth away from my neck, but not before I felt her lick me once before she let go. That sent another set of shivers down my body, and I squeezed her breasts in what seemed like some sort of involuntary response.

“I-I’m sorry!” I sputtered, releasing my grasp on her chest. She let a breathy laugh escape her nose before pressing it against mine again.

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice very soft. “You like those, right?”

“I-I do, but…” I couldn’t help but think about what Kaju had said earlier, about her needing someone who wouldn’t force her to do things, and here I had groped her without even asking.

Before I could finish my thought, or any further words, a beeping sound came from below. Yanami gasped, and I could see a slightly nervous look in her eye.

“Was that an alarm?” I asked.

She nodded and placed her hands against my sides again.

“That means thirty seconds til midnight.”

Really? How long had we been up here? Time had flown right by. She was gazing into my eyes now, and I could feel her breath had increased.

“Well, we should probably-” I started.

“I love you,” she said, cutting me off. “Happy New Year.”

Before I could respond with anything else, her lips pressed into mine. Those soft lips that I definitely liked. The way she kissed me, which I also liked. I placed my hands on her shoulders as we kissed, and I decided I really liked her shoulders, too. She pushed her soft chest against me, which I really, really liked.

We heard the clock downstairs starting to chime at midnight, and then I felt something new and exhilarating as she parted her lips and pushed her tongue into my mouth, flicking the tip of it against mine.

I gasped through my nose as my mind began to race. I didn’t even like eating after someone else, this went way beyond that. I always thought if I ever kissed someone like this, it would take a lot of talking myself into it and careful preparation. All of that went right out the window as she pressed forward. I found myself kissing her back with equal force, practically tongue-wrestling one another.

“Oniisama! What are you doing up there!?” a voice came from the bottom of the stairs.

I pulled my lips away from Yanami’s for a second and tried to respond to her between heavy breaths.

“We’ll be right down! Just a minute!” I shouted, and then immediately resumed the kiss. Yanami, who had been able to get a few breaths in while I was yelling at Kaju, went right back to it as well.

This feeling. This kiss. These swirling emotions inside of me. Surely this should do it, right? This should be able to awaken those words within me, right? This should be able to turn the love all the way up to 2000, right? Surely.

When we finally parted again, my vision fluttered back and was greeted by her shining azure eyes. We stood, just breathing and holding each other, smiling and blushing together. I didn’t have anything that could possibly follow that moment up.

She leaned into me and lowered her head, pressing her face against my chest and hugging me tightly.

I kept one arm around her, and brought my other hand up so I could stroke her hair. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I could feel her slightly shaking in my arms.

“I love you so much,” she said, her voice soft and muffled. “I don’t ever want to let go.”

The back of my neck erupted in goosebumps and I could feel every nerve ending in my body tingling.

I could think about it later. This wasn’t a moment for trying to over-analyze everything.

It was just three little words.

I had to say it.

“Yanami, I…” I started, and licked my lips.

She pulled her face away from my chest and turned her eyes up to look at me. Her bright red cheeks shone brightly from under her curtain of blue hair.

“I lo-”

“You two missed it!” Kaju said, somewhat angrily, as she stomped one foot into my room. Upon spotting us, she gasped and recoiled, covering her face with both of her hands. “Oh no! Sorry, I-”

Yanami sighed and turned to smile at Kaju.

“It’s okay, Kaju-chan. We just got carried away up here. Happy New Year.”

I laughed awkwardly and tugged the scarf the rest of the way down off of us. It had fallen off mostly already.

“Right. Sorry.”

Kaju stepped out of the room and swung the door to my room shut.

“It’s okay! No need to apologize! Please, take your time!” she said, and I heard her shuffling away down the hall and then down the stairs.

It was quiet again. We both stood awkwardly for a moment.

“Yanami-”

“Nukumizu-”

We both spoke at the same time, and both stopped equally in sync.

She looked up at me, her cheeks bright red and her blue hair messily hanging over half of her face.

“Were you… about to say something, there?” she asked. Her eyes were full of hope, but the courage I’d built myself up to had shattered.

I exhaled lengthily and took a step towards my bed, letting myself sit down upon it.

“I was. But I have no idea why it’s so hard to say.”

She sat down next to me and leaned on me from the side.

“I won’t pretend it doesn’t bother me.”

I let out a sad laugh and pressed my shoulder against her.

“You shouldn’t have to. We should keep things real, like you said.”

Keeping things real. What was I really feeling, anyway? I tried to reach down deep and find my feelings.

“I guess I’m afraid,” I said, turning to look at her as I spoke. “I’m afraid someday I’ll lose you. Afraid if my feelings change, it’ll make it possible for us to break up… like those seven out of ten couples that do.”

She sighed. “I’m afraid, too, you know. I’m afraid maybe I’m the only one, again. That it’ll end up like with Sousuke again. Setting myself up for another heartbreak after a one-sided love affair.”

That guilt returned. It was exactly what I’d thought about earlier. She played with the buttons on her blouse as she said that, sounding like she might cry. Kaju’s words from earlier also came to me. Was that why she undid those buttons? To put herself out there for me?

I turned suddenly, facing her and taking her hand in mine.

“Yanami, listen. I’m not him. You don’t have to, you know… put yourself out there for me.”

She smiled and hugged my hand against her chest. “I know, I know,” she said, then breathed in deeply. “You didn’t make me do anything, okay? I did that because I wanted to, and for no other reason.”

Of course. This was Yanami Anna, after all. I should have never even thought she’d do anything she didn’t want to.

“So, Nukumizu-kun, let me ask you this: If your feelings did change, and you told me you loved me, what would be the next thing you’d do?”

What would I do after that? Somehow, it just came to me, as easy as a spring breeze.

“I would hold you in my arms.”

She grinned and leaned toward me. “Oh yeah? How? What would that be like? Show me.”

I scooted back on the bed and leaned against the wall, then opened my legs and beckoned her to join me. She hiked her skirt up above her knees and crawled over, putting her back against my chest like I was a chair she was sitting in.

“Like this?” she asked, tilting her head back against my shoulder.

“Yeah, just like that,” I said, and then wrapped my arms around her midsection.

“And then what?” she asked, turning her head to gaze into my eyes.

I brought my lips close to hers and whispered.

“Then I would kiss you again.”

“Sounds wonderful. How would that go?”

I showed her, beginning softly, but then deepening the kiss, my tongue carefully taking the lead this time and softly caressing hers. I felt her hand grip the cloth of my shirt at the chest. She turned slightly to improve the angle.

I’m not sure how much time passed while we just sat together, embracing, kissing, letting our hands explore each other. She loved to run her fingers along my collarbone. I found myself letting my fingers tease at her sides and chest, cautiously allowing myself to feel her softness through velvety lace.

Our breathing intensified, and soon our hands were being more daring. She had undone the rest of the buttons on her blouse. She tugged on my shirt at the shoulders, and we broke our kiss just long enough for her to pull it up and off me. She pressed a hand against my chest and kissed me on my collar. I firmly cupped one of her breasts now, massaging and squeezing it, which brought a breathy moan from her.

Then, without warning, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down on top of her as she fell to her back. I felt a desire for her that I almost couldn’t deny, and she stared up at me as our lips parted. Her mouth hung open, her breathing heavy, and her eyes full of wants and needs.

Yet, somehow, I retained my senses. As much as I wanted to go further, a voice in my head held me back.

“We should stop,” I said, bringing myself back up to a seated position. I looked down at her, and saw a distinct pout on her lips along with disappointment. Damn it, she was so cute when she did that!

After a moment, she turned her head to the side and nodded shallowly.

“Right. You’re right.”

“Sorry,” I said, hanging my head.

She sat up and placed her hand on my cheek, lifting my gaze back towards her.

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize. It was nice.” She softly pressed her lips to mine once more, lightly kissing them and then flashing a toothy grin. “I can’t wait until we do that for real. You know, once you tell me.”

I wheezed, my lips making a raspberry sound just before I burst into full-on laughter.

“Oh yeah. That was just showing you what I’d do in that situation, wasn’t it?”

She slapped a hand against my arm and leaned against me again. “Exactly! I’m looking forward to it even more, now.”

I felt a pang of guilt. I was the one holding that up at this point. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. Awestruck, I stared at the clock, which told me it was almost 12:40 AM. How had so much time passed just from that?

I turned to Yanami again, unsure when she was going to be heading home, or if she had a ride coming to get her. I found her laying on my bed now, head on my pillow, yawning.

“What are you doing?”

She blinked at me, giving me that confused look again. “I thought we should get some sleep before we do our first shrine visit in the morning.”

Wait, sleep? Like, here?

I decided to voice that thought. “Wait, sleep? Like, here?”

She stretched her legs and made a squeaking sound. “Well, I should probably get my pajamas on, I guess.”

My jaw dropped. “You brought pajamas?”

“Well duh, it’s a New Year’s celebration, it’s going to go until the morning. I told my parents I was sleeping over.”

“At your boyfriend’s house.”

“They don’t know we’re dating… and I kinda told them your parents were going to be here the whole time and I would be sleeping in your sister’s room.”

I placed a hand on my forehead and massaged my temples.

“Well, they will be home eventually, so you should probably tell Kaju before she goes to bed, if she hasn’t already.”

“Oh, she already knows.”

Why was I always the last one to hear about anything?

After another probably-way-too-long kiss and then another calming-down session, Yanami buttoned her blouse back up and made her way out of my bedroom and over to Kaju’s.

As I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep, I smiled. My bed smelled like Yanami, and that was a good smell.

Another item for the list.

Chapter Text

Sleeping was apparently out of the question.

What had happened earlier between me and Nukumizu-kun was still hard to wrap my head around. I could remember how I had grabbed him, pulled him down on top of me, and kissed him so aggressively. But I couldn’t get myself back into my head from back then. What possessed me to take things that far? It was like nothing I’d ever even thought of doing.

He was different from his usual reserved self, too. He was kissing me, touching me and squeezing my breasts. My god, the feeling of his hands on my chest made my whole body quake. I wanted him to touch me everywhere. I wanted to feel him pressing against every centimeter of my body. It was like I was possessed, completely out of my mind.

The whole past week felt like that. I had thought it would just be a typical break from school, but it’d been anything but. It was hard to believe it hadn’t even been a full week since he confessed to me, even if he didn’t mean it. Not even a week since I told him I loved him for the first time, words that escaped my lips just as thoughtlessly as his confession had his.

Neither of us meant it. Neither of us were in love. Or so I thought.

If you say something enough times, you start to believe it. Just like those rumors at school about the two of us dating, and about me getting dumped. I’d heard them enough. Maybe that was when it really began. Was I upset at how they all believed something that wasn’t true? Or was I mad because it wasn’t true?

Had I wanted him to understand my frustration and humiliation? Had I wanted some weird revenge on him for something he didn’t even do? Or was it something else? Maybe deep down inside I’d wished the rumors were all true. I wished we had been dating. Then, silly me, I made it into reality. And then, silly me, I really did fall in love with him.

I sighed, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling of a dark room. A voice came from beside me.

“You’re awake, Anna-chan?”

Yes, so very awake. I turned and saw Kaju smiling down at me from her bed. I was laying on a futon that had been spread out on the floor of her bedroom.

“You’re thinking about my brother, I bet.”

I smirked. “How can you tell?”

“Because I am, too. I think about him a lot while in bed.”

Whoa, too much information. I let out a nervous laugh, hoping to avoid getting any more details. “You would think I’d be exhausted. We were up until 1:30 in the morning.”

She leaned down closer to me. “Is the futon not comfortable? You can come lay in bed with me, if you want. It’ll be cozy.”

I shook my head. “No, no, I’m fine. I think I’ll get a glass of water and use the bathroom.”

Kaju giggled quietly and whispered. “Maybe you’d sleep better if you snuck into my brother’s bed?”

I sat up and cleared my throat. “Yeah, no. That’s not happening. I’ll be back.” I stood and quietly made my way out of her bedroom, then softly stepped down the stairs and towards the kitchen.

Nukumizu was standing above the sink, finishing a glass of water. Great minds think alike, or get insomnia alike maybe. I suddenly had a devious thought and quietly walked over to him, holding my breath and being as silent as I possibly could.

I deftly grabbed him by his sides and squeezed, and he let out a shrill, startled sound, accompanied by gargling since his mouth was full of water.

“Get me some water, too?” I asked, as innocent sounding as I could.

He set the cup down and reached for a towel. “As soon as I’m dry, sure.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Not really,” I said with a snort.

As he was drying himself and then filling the glass with water, I wrapped my arms around his chest and hugged him from behind. I placed my ear right onto his back and closed my eyes. The sound of his heart beating faintly was soothing.

“I’ve got your water,” he said, starting to turn around. I loosened my grip on him so he could rotate, but then just laid my head back onto his chest instead. A moment later, I heard the sound of the glass being placed on the counter, and then felt his arms wrap around my shoulders.

I felt him press his face to the top of my head, felt his breath on my scalp and his lips purse and kiss me there. I loved it when he did that. I could feel how much he cared in how gently he held me, how affectionately he kissed me.

I let go and reached to the counter for the glass of water, taking a couple of mouthfuls from it.

“Better?” he asked.

I set the glass back down and turned my face up towards his, smiling.

“Almost,” I said, and then brought myself up onto my toes, closing the gap between us and letting our lips press together. I softly lapped my tongue against his just one time before pulling away. He sighed happily, and I felt that happiness ripple through me as well.

“I needed that, too,” I said, then turning to finish my water.

“Good thing I was down here, then.”

I nodded and hummed as the last of the water emptied into my mouth. “Well, I probably shouldn’t be too long, or-”

I was interrupted by another kiss. He placed his hand on my jaw and leaned down to me this time, forcefully tilting my head back. His tongue pushed its way into my mouth hungrily. I felt like a fire had been lit in my chest and kissed him back with equal passion.

He took hold of me by the hips and turned me so my back was against the counter. The way he was taking control and pressing me against the cabinets as he wildly swirled his tongue around mine made me feel like I was going to melt onto the floor.

We kept at it for a couple of minutes until eventually, as if we both sensed it was over, we stopped. Breathing heavily, staring into each others’ eyes, I grabbed him by the shoulder and got my balance again.

“How am I supposed to fall asleep now?” I asked. I was dead serious. I could feel adrenaline pumping through every part of my body.

“Sorry, I just…”

I hugged him again and shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m sure I’ll manage.”

Like it was the hardest thing in the world, I pried myself away from him and began to make my way out of the kitchen.

“Good night, Yanami-san.”

“Good night,” I said, turning to smile back at him as he placed the glass in the sink. “Love you.”

He simply smiled and nodded in response. I made sure to keep the smile on my face until I was on my way up the stairs.

“What am I doing?” I quietly muttered to myself.

When I got back to Kaju’s room after a short bathroom break, she was still awake and waved me over to her bed.

“I heard a noise down there. What happened?” she asked.

I snuggled back into the futon. “I ran into your brother. He was just startled.”

Kaju giggled softly. “Oh, I see. So that’s why you took a while.”

“Yeah,” I said, exhaling sharply as I snuggled into the futon. “I’m getting used to things taking a while.” I shut my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing. However, Kaju’s voice came again from my side, quiet and gentle.

“It’s going to be okay, Anna-chan. He just needs a little longer.”

I pretended to be asleep. After all, if you repeat something enough times, you start to believe it. If you pretend to be asleep for long enough, you actually will…

I woke up to the feeling of someone hugging me from the side. I drearily opened my eyes and turned to look. Kaju was laying in the futon with me, cuddled up against my side. I wondered how long she’d been laying with me like that. Judging by the light coming in through the window, it was well past sunrise.

Having been an only child, sleeping with someone else like this was not something I was used to, but it was so cozy. I could definitely see the appeal. I felt her stir and start to awaken in response to my movement.

“Good morning, Oneechan,” she said softly, and then pushed herself to a sitting position while rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

She was still trying to call me oneechan. I shrugged. There was no point in stopping her, I guess.

“Morning, Kaju-chan.”

It was time for our first shrine visit of the new year. I smiled and felt a warmth in my heart, because of who I would be going with. I felt so excited to see him, and the thought that he was in the next room over only made me happier.

Yeah, things weren’t perfect, not yet. But I was still happy.

“Kind of sad, though, that after today we’ll be going back to school,” Kaju said as she got dressed.

I laughed and slipped my pajamas off. “Well, that’s just how it goes,” I said matter-of-factly. “We’re students, so…”

I froze.

I stared in the mirror I was standing in front of and saw my face contort as a sudden realization hit me all at once.

Nukumizu-kun and I were going back to school tomorrow.

As a couple.

Chapter Text

The morning sun sprinkled its rays gently upon the city, this first day of the year. I walked up the steps to a shrine near my house along with Kaju and Yanami. I found myself sandwiched between them, holding their hands as we walked together.

There was a decent crowd of people walking up the stairs to the shrine. At the top, I could see people standing along the perimeter, taking in the view and enjoying the crisp January air. One thing I could be happy about as I walked while holding Kaju’s hand in my left and Yanami’s hand in my right, was that my fingers were toasty warm.

I took a deep breath and took in the scene, panning my gaze from left to right. There were people in all kinds of attire, out together or separately. As the three of us stepped forward into the shrine’s front courtyard, I caught sight of a single man sitting on a bench, leaning back with his hands behind his head. Despite his dark sunglasses, he seemed to catch sight of me and smiled, giving me two big thumbs up.

Wait, is that that same guy again from before? This dude is everywhere, I swear.

Putting that aside, upon awakening this morning, I learned that my parents had not only already done their first shrine visit, but were sleeping in and wanted me to go with Kaju. That was honestly fine with me, it meant less questions about the previous night and how things had gone with Yanami staying over. It was rather convenient.

Also convenient, especially for the more introverted among us, this shrine offered some very up to date service amenities, including omikuji vending machines. No longer did you have to shake your fortune out of a container and then pull open the corresponding drawer. No, now this machine could do it all for you at the push of a button.

Soulless, you say? I happen to know even a vending machine can have a soul, thank you very much.

Kaju went first as Yanami and I stood over her, watching and smiling. Yanami leaned against me, hugging my arm closely. She turned toward me and quietly whispered in my ear.

“It’s like we’re on a family shrine visit.”

I gave her a confused look. “Isn’t it? Kaju and I are family, after all.”

Yanami stammered slightly. “I meant… You know, like we’re a young couple out with their daughter or something.”

I squinted, even more confused. “But she’s basically the same age as us.”

“W-well, we just look young and attractive for our age! That’s what it is. You should be proud, you’re with a young looking beauty.”

As this weird tangent continued, Kaju pressed the button on the fortune vending machine. The paper slip came out of the machine, and she held it up with a grin as she read it.

“It’s a future blessing for family,” she said with some excitement.

I patted her on the shoulder. “That’s a nice one.”

“Family, huh,” Kaju said, placing a finger to her lips and then turning to look at Yanami. “Don’t worry, Anna-chan, we can share.” She giggled and stepped aside so I could draw my fortune.

Yanami tilted her head in confusion. “Share? I’m pretty sure the fortunes are just for one person.”

“Don’t mind her,” I replied flatly, then pulled my fortune from the machine. “Oh hey, a blessing for studies. True, I should probably focus on academics more, not that I’m slacking. Alright, Yanami-san, you’re next.”

“Alright, let’s see what the future has in store for me!”

She pressed the button, pulled her fortune from the slot, and frowned.

“What’s it say?” I asked.

“Nothing, it’s blank!” she said, crumpling the paper.

“Blank?” That doesn’t seem likely.

She pushed the button again and pulled a second fortune. Her face twisted for a moment and then relaxed. With a sigh, she turned around to face me.

“It wasn’t blank,” she said, sounding defeated. She held up the paper slip, along with the crumpled one. The one that I could read said it was for misfortune in one’s wish or desire. I took the crumpled one and opened it. It was for misfortune in romance.

“Well, we can tie them up to ward them away. This is actually good, because you can take care of these misfortunes right away. Right?” I said, hoping to cheer her up a bit. She took the crumpled paper from me and began folding it so she could tie it on a nearby metal rack, along with the other one.

After she tied them up, I nudged her gently.

“You okay? Want to get something to drink, maybe?” I asked, pointing to a set of large beverage vending machines across the way.

She nodded her head and took my hand in hers. Kaju charged ahead of us, calling back.

“I’m going to use the restroom, but I want a drink, too!” she said, and then was gone. Yanami and I walked hand in hand to the glowing boxes ahead of us. Once we arrived, we both stared blankly at the vending machine’s selections, neither of us speaking a word. I felt her grip on my hand loosen and her fingers slipped away from mine, accompanied by a long sigh.

I turned to look, and she was gazing down at the lowest row of selections with a forlorn look on her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t trust vending machines anymore. What if this gives me yet another bad fortune?” She squinted at the machine like she was sizing it up for a fight.

“This one only dispenses drinks, you know.”

“Nukumizu-kun, I just pulled two bad fortunes in a row! What if this thing gives me tea that’s past the expiration date or something?”

I was honestly surprised she was this upset about the fortunes. “You know, it’s not set in stone. It’s like a weather forecast, those are wrong all the time. Plus, we tied them up, that’s good, right?”

She turned her head with a creak to look into my eyes—hers were full of anxiety and dread. “But it might be a premonition. Kind of. Ever since last night, I’ve been thinking… What should we do about school?”

School? I wasn’t sure where she was going with this. “What about school?”

She frowned in frustration and closed her eyes. “Okay, not really about school, I mean about us. Together. As a couple. I just… don’t know if we should tell everyone. What if that is the bad fortune in romance.”

Ah. That’s why. Come to think of it, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. I wasn’t sure why not. I nodded and made a small clicking sound. “I see.”

“With all those rumors from before, people were really talking, and I was denying it all. A lot. If we come back from break and we’re a couple, it’ll make me look like… sorry. It’s stupid, I know.”

There I went again, just like on the day of the confession. I wasn’t thinking about how she feels at all. These kinds of thoughts, about rumors and reputation and what others thought, were never too forefront in my mind. But to her, it really mattered.

If I wanted to be her boyfriend, then it had to matter to me, too. “No! It’s not stupid.”

“Yes. It is.” She brought her hands up to her face and lightly slapped her cheeks. “I’m getting so worked up over what everyone else will think when that doesn’t matter.”

It matters to you! I thought, and took her hand in mine again.

“It matters to you, and it’s not stupid. To be honest, now that you mention it, I feel nervous about it, too. I’ve never even thought about being in a real relationship, let alone actually being in one. So maybe we can keep it to ourselves for a little bit.”

“Are you sure?”

I sighed and turned my head away from her. I had my own problems, and keeping things to ourselves for a bit would probably help me sort it all out. Having the others find out, and then not being able to say I…

“I can’t even make myself say I love you… how can I tell—”

“You said it just now.” She giggled softly, and I cranked my head back around. She was smiling so gently in my direction, my heart skipped a beat from the sight of her.

“Y-Yeah but that was just saying it to say I… can’t say it.” This was truly the only stupid thing that had been mentioned this entire time.

“Clearly you can,” she said with a smirk, stepping closer to me and poking a finger against my cheek. “But the fact that you feel the same way makes me happy enough. We can figure out a way to make it seem more natural. That way by the time we tell the others, they will be like, ‘About time you told us!!’ or something like that.”

I softly chuckled and shook my head with a smile. “Right. I can imagine it now. Komari is going to say something like ‘I-I knew it! Y-you two were d-dating the whole time, I bet!’ and then tell me to die a thousand deaths.”

Yanami let out a full laugh this time. I could swear I heard her laugh echoing all the way around the vending machines. Echoes could really make things sound different, couldn’t they?

“Hey, your Komari impression is pretty good!”

I grinned and hunched over slightly. “D-don’t tell her, sh-she’ll never forgive me.”

I pulled some coins out of my pocket and pushed them into the coin slot, pressing a button for my own coffee. I turned to look at Yanami. “What’ll you be having, then?”

“Strawberry milk, please!” came a voice from behind us. I pushed the button for the strawberry milk and glanced over my shoulder at a grinning Kaju.

“And how long have you been standing there?” I asked her.

“Don’t worry, Onii-sama, Kaju’s lips are sealed.”

I pushed another coin into the slot to make sure Yanami could make her selection, which she did, for a milk tea. The three of us, beverages in hand, turned and made our way back towards the shrine entrance so we could head back home.

Just a few minutes earlier…

“Okay, not really about school, I mean about us. Together. As a couple. I just… don’t know if we should tell everyone.”

Wait, what? A couple? Those two? A girl thought, and put both of her hands against her mouth. She breathed as slowly and quietly as possible, taking a step to the side and scooting away from them. Her back was pressed flat against the side of the giant vending machine. She was glad she hadn’t called out to them.

“With all those rumors from before, people were really talking, and I was denying it all. A lot. If we come back from break and we’re a couple, it’ll make me look like… sorry. It’s stupid, I know.”

The girl didn’t want to spy on them, truly she didn’t, but she couldn’t make too much of a commotion and be noticed, especially after what she just heard. The two of them continued to talk, and the girl continued to scoot away little by little, doing her best to ignore them.

“It matters to you, and it’s not stupid. To be honest, now that you mention it, I feel nervous about it, too. I’ve never even thought about being in a real relationship, let alone actually being in one. So maybe we can keep it to ourselves for a little bit.”

“Are you sure?”

“I can’t even make myself say I love you… how can I tell—”

The girl paused. She’d definitely heard all of that, and her eyes opened wide. She felt a sweat forming on her brow. Can’t even say ‘I love you?’ How are they a couple if–

“Right. I can imagine it now. Komari is going to say something like ‘I-I knew it! Y-you two were d-dating the whole time, I bet!’ and then tell me to die a thousand deaths.”

She’d missed something that was said, but heard that part loud and clear, followed by Yanami’s uproarious laughter. The girl, unable to stifle her own laughing, bent forward and laughed as well, uncontrollably.

“D-don’t tell her, sh-she’ll never forgive me.”

The girl took a deep breath and slid down to a squat against the venting machine, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down.

Right, the girl thought to herself, finally calming down again, praying that she won’t get noticed. I can’t tell anyone. I have to keep this a secret. But, still, I can’t believe it…

“Don’t worry, Onii-sama, Kaju’s lips are sealed,” she heard a voice say, and she gulped.

Yana-chan and Nukkun… are dating?!

Yakishio Lemon felt something in her chest that she couldn’t describe. Something that she had never noticed before. She heard three sets of footsteps walking away, and she stood back up and peered out from behind the vending machines.

She saw Yanami and Nukumizu walking alongside Kaju, hand in hand, like a couple.

She placed her hand over her chest and sighed. Seeing them together holding hands only made the strange feeling stronger. She decided to go get her own fortune, her heart beating a little faster than usual on the way to the omikuji vending machines.

She pushed the button and pulled the slip of paper, reading what was printed on it. She shrugged and pocketed the paper.

Half blessing in romance

“Better than nothing, I guess.”

The next day, as I walked briskly along the path to school, I was deep in thought. Yanami had a good point, really. Coming to school after break as a couple would definitely turn a few heads, especially after all those rumors. Furthermore, I was never a fan of seeing other peoples’ PDA, so why would I want to suddenly act like that, myself? No, I was no hypocrite. We’d keep it secret for the time being. That was definitely for the best.

As I was pondering different situations where people had found out somehow, and how to react to them, the school gate came into view, along with a slender figure standing to the side of it.

It was none other than the student council vice president, Basori Tiara. Why was she at the gate? Was the searching bags again? I didn’t have anything that would be incriminating, did I? I thought about the two light novels I had packed, but they weren’t too risque. After the BL situation, I had decided to keep things strictly PG as far as the materials I brought with me to school. Was there anything else?

“School books, homework, phone charger, pencil case… and inside of the pencil case…” My eyes went wide in realization. Inside my pencil case was a blue pen with Yanami’s name emblazoned on its surface. I hesitated mid-step for a split second, but then continued to approach her, trying to not draw any attention to myself.

“Nukumizu-san!” she called out to me. Oh, great, here she comes. I grimaced and prepared for the strip search.

I casually waved to her. “Good morning.” I stopped in my tracks.

She eyed me quizzically. “Why are you stopping? Shouldn’t we proceed into the school?”

I shrugged, a bit confused, but then continued walking. She began to walk beside me.

“Of course, you’re right.” I cautiously turned my head to look at her, and she was looking right back at me. “Were you waiting for me? You… need something?”

She scoffed, a light blush appearing on her cheeks. “Can’t I just want to catch up? It’s been a while, after all.”

I nervously rubbed the back of my head and nodded. “Right, of course,” I said, hesitating slightly. “How… was your break, Tiara-san?”

“My break?” she asked, sounding as if she was surprised that I would ask. What was with her, seriously? “Oh, well, it was quite uneventful, and don’t call me by my first name.”

“Right, well, that’s good.” I glanced at her again. She wasn’t even looking where she was going. She was practically staring right at me, but not really at my face. I brushed my shoulder. “Do I… have something on my coat?”

“No, sorry,” she said, averting her eyes. “I was just noticing that you’re wearing a really warm looking scarf, that’s all. I thought maybe you’d be wearing…” She trailed off at the end, bringing her gaze back forward.

I pressed my hand against the puffy wool of the scarf Yanami had given me. My eyes darted left and right suddenly as I remembered the scarf Tiara had given me at Christmas time.

“W-well, I just thought, I’d switch it up, that’s all,” I sputtered. “Since I’d been wearing the one you gave me over break, you know.”

I saw her smile, and she exhaled sharply. “I see. So you’ve been wearing it?”

“Of course, all the time,” I lied. I hadn’t worn it since the day I’d confessed to Yanami at City Hall.

“Alright,” she said, seemingly satisfied. “I do think you look better in plaid than this cream color, for the record.”

“D-duly noted.” What was this conversation, even?

“Oh, one exciting thing happened. I got a new phone. I’m having quite a hard time figuring it out, actually. The screen has a logo I can’t make go away.” She pulled a smartphone out of her pocket and held it up to me. The screen still had the branded plastic screen protector it came with. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh, that’s a good model,” I said, and then reached out, picking at the screen protector and peeling it away. She gasped in shock and stared at the phone like I had done something worthy of praise.

“Is it? I mean, it is… yes. It was recommended to me by Shikiya-san, but she won’t teach me how to use it.” She turned the phone’s screen to look at it and then put it back into her pocket. “Sorry, I’m sure you don’t care. How was your break?”

I gulped, but then grinned. “Surprisingly eventful, and a bit exhausting.”

During our conversation, we had come to the front entrance of the school and walked inside to the shoe lockers. It was about to be time for us to part ways and head to class.

“Well,” I said as I slipped on my indoor shoes. “I suppose–”

“Nukumizu-san,” she said, cutting me off. She seemed nervous and scooted closer, practically bumping into me and leaning her head in. I caught a whiff of her shampoo lightly wafting from her hair as she quietly continued.

“If you don’t mind… I mean, if you’re free sometime… do you think we could go out sometime together again?”

I jumped slightly and felt my heart speed up. I took a step back and stared down at her lightly blushing face. “Go out?” I asked, barely a whisper so as not to be overheard.

“T-to study. You know. Like before… and if you could, please show me how to use this smartphone, too. When it’s you teaching me, I seem to have an easier time remembering.”

Her face exploded into a bright red and she put her hands up in front of me. “I don’t mean anything weird by that, by the way! Don’t get the wrong idea!” I had a feeling the only person getting the wrong idea here was her.

“Sure, no problem at all. I’d be happy to help, just let me know when.”

She took a breath and composed herself, her usual color returning to her face and her arms relaxing to her sides once again.

“Alright. Thank you. I’ll let you know, so keep your schedule open.”

What, was I on call now? I should charge by the hour. Not that I had anything else planned.

As I thought that, I realized Yanami might want to spend time with me after school, as well. But, we were trying to not seem like a couple, so maybe that wouldn’t be the best idea, just in case people saw us together.

Come to think of it, spending time with Tiara-san might just be the perfect alibi. Yes, of course! The best way to keep suspicions down is to act just like I had been. If I was seen with Tiara-san, even better! After all, a guy with a girlfriend wouldn’t be going out with another girl by themselves. Yanami had even told me so when we were tailing Yakishio and Ayano.

It was the perfect cover. I smiled brightly at Tiara-san and nodded my head.

“Of course! I’ll make sure I keep it totally open for you, Tiara-san!”

Her face turned red again and she let out a surprised squeaking sound.

“G-good! Thank you! And don’t call me by my first name!” she practically shouted.

With that ordeal over, I headed to class. Yanami was already there, and she turned toward the door and waved to me. I waved back, and smiled, then started tapping on her phone. Mine buzzed a second later.

Ya: <Meet for lunch in the usual place?>

Nu: <Wouldn’t miss it.>

At lunchtime, I made my way to the stairwell on the annex building. It had been our traditional meeting spot ever since we first started hanging out together, and we had shared many a lunch there over the past six months. We were pretending to not be dating while at school, but this was at least one activity that we could still do as normal. I opened the door and found Yanami already there, sitting on a step on the next flight up. I walked past her and sat down in my usual spot. She stood up and repositioned herself, sitting on the same step as me.

I felt her warmth from beside me, and my heart skipped a beat. I turned to look at her, and the sight of her profile practically blinded me. Something inside of me was so happy to just have her sitting so close to me, I felt as light as air.

She stabbed her chopsticks into a tiny sausage and shoved it in her mouth. The light feeling I had been experiencing quickly faded as she chewed while grimacing in my direction.

“Well, the rumor mill is definitely swirling. It’s like the break meant nothing to it. They still think you dumped me for Shikiya-senpai,” she said with a groan. “And apparently Shikiya-san isn’t denying anything. Can you believe that?”

I definitely could. I should probably have a talk with her at some point. I wasn’t looking forward to it, mind you.

“She’s probably just staying quiet. Even denying it could have a negative effect, right?” I lifted up a rolled omelette piece and transferred it to Yanami’s bento. Hopefully this would act as a good enough peace offering to calm her down a bit.

“You can’t always just ignore these things and have them go away, you know,” she replied, trading me a sushi roll with cucumber and pickled radish inside. “That situation at the gym was pretty crazy after all. Some students even caught it on camera.”

“Don’t remind me.” I let out my own small groan and shook my head, placing the sushi roll in my mouth.

Yanami scooted closer to me, her hips bumping into mine. She stared down at her bento and spoke in a quiet but cute voice that gave me tingles on my arm.

“I’m glad that you didn’t say yes to her, though.”

We sat quietly for a moment, just staring down at our lunches, the soft sound of our breathing and the distant voices of athletes filling the silence.

Cautiously, I slid my hand from my lap onto her skirt, resting it on her thigh. I could feel her shiver slightly at my touch.

“Me, too. Even if we have to deal with some rumors.”

She took a deep, shaky breath and placed her hand on top of mine.

“I want to hug you so bad,” she whispered.

I glanced around, checking the door and the ground area beneath us.

“I don’t see anyone. Besides, what’s wrong with hugging? Girls hug each other all the time, right?” I tried to rationalize things, but she wasn’t having it. She turned to stare at me, her eyes seeming to die slightly on the spot.

“What? No, no, no, it’s way different when a girl hugs a guy. Please tell me you understand that.”

I shrugged. I got it, but I wanted to give her a plausible out so she could hug me. I guess it was no good, even with no one around. However, she did link our fingers together and gave my hand a tight squeeze.

“At least we can at least do this,” I said with my best hopeful tone of voice.

She smiled and nodded. “It’ll have to do.”

The two of us sat quietly for the rest of our lunch period, slowing eating our bentos together and holding hands.

Somewhere inside of me, my emotions swirled, caught between being in love with this feeling, and not being certain about my own feelings about her and our future together.

I slid the club room door open, and immediately spotted Komari in the back corner. She glanced up at me, and for a split second, I saw a smile forming on her lips. Her face contorted slightly, as if she was trying to keep a straight face after hearing a really corny joke.

“You sure got here quick.” I hadn’t wasted any time getting from class to the club room, yet she looked like she’d been in here for a while.

“I-I’m always here.”

I chose to accept her omnipresence in the club room as a new reality and took a seat. She got up and moved to the chair beside me, setting her book down on the table. Unusual. She normally stayed in her corner or on the couch. I looked down at the book she was reading and blinked at the title.

How to Leave the Friend Zone? Relationship self-help? Huh, I wonder if she has someone she likes or something.

Leaving that surprising revelation aside, I still couldn’t help but feel lucky somehow. This was like having a cat choose to sit near you for some reason. You can’t be sure why, but it still makes you happy. With a smile on my face, I opened my own book, placed the bookmark down on the table, and started reading.

“Uwah-” I was interrupted almost immediately by Komari letting out a small, surprised squeak. “Y-you’re using the bookmark,” she said, her voice softer than usual. I looked down at the bookmark on the table and nodded. It was the one she had given me for my birthday. I had already thanked her, but I knew it was important to show thanks for a gift in these situations.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite one now, I really treasure it. Thank you.”

Her eyes went wide and her hands started shaking. “T-treasure it?”

“Of course. It was a gift from you, after all. I was very happy to receive it.” There, that should be enough gratitude. Komari seemed strangely agitated, though. She picked up her self-help book from the table and gripped it tightly, still staring right at me with her big golden eyes. Her face was turning noticeably red for some reason, too.

“D-don’t think you can-” she started, and then cut herself short.

“Don’t what, now?”

She pulled the book to her chest and pursed her lips tightly. “S-sweet-talk me! Y-you didn’t so much as m-message me once over break.”

“I was kind of busy,” I said with a sigh. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at LINE, tapping on Komari’s name. Ah. Seven messages, all read, no response.

Well, in my defense, I had been really busy with Yanami. Komari’s messages were all really short, too. Just general greetings or asking how I was doing. I guess I could have at least let her know I was doing okay.

A new message came in as I was staring at the screen.

“Die,” I read aloud. I turned my eyes back up to her. She was holding her phone in front of her face with a grin on her lips. “Okay, fine. Sorry. I’ll be sure to reply next time.”

“Y-you better,” she said, and then put her phone down on the table beside the book. She sighed and slouched forward slightly. “S-so you were busy. I was just t-trying to get out more. Maybe, if you’re not busy now… C-could we…” She was starting to trail off, and was staring at the book on the table, rubbing her thumbs over the corners of it nervously.

“Hmm?” I intoned questioningly, leaning towards her slightly. She noticed and her body made the smallest, tiny twitch, but she didn’t pull away. “You okay, Komari?”

“I’m t-trying to be more as-s-s-sertive… about telling people how I f-feel, okay?” she said, turning towards me slightly and glancing up at me through her draping bangs.

I nodded in approval and smiled down at her. “That’s great. If you need to practice, I’m right here.”

Through her bangs, I could see her eyes open wider and her face taking on a shade closer to the color of her hair. She almost pulled away from me, seeming like she was resisting it, but I could see her shoulders trembling.

“P-practice? W-with you? That would be p-pointless! Dummy!”

Why would it be pointless? Didn’t she want to practice?

As I was thinking that, she took a deep breath and steadied herself.

“F-fine. It’s j-just practice, though. O-okay?”

“Okay?”

She pulled her hair away from her eyes and looked up at me. She almost seemed like she couldn’t even breathe, and her golden eyes were sparkling and bright all of the sudden.

“Nu-Nukumizu. I… F-for a while now, I…” Her voice left her throat, and she opened and closed her lips silently, as if catching her words again. “The way I f-feel about you…”

Something in my brain suddenly clicked. My relaxed posture suddenly straightened.

She said it was practice. She’s just… practicing. A love confession. That’s what this is, right? But… practice. Just practice, right? Practice for who? Can’t you practice this with, like, a stuffed animal or something? Why did she say my name specifically? What is going on!?

I stared down into her crystal clear eyes, which had tears forming at their corners.

“I l-like you. C-can we… g-go out on a d-date… sometime?”

It’s practice. Just practice.

My breaths seemed long and shaky, and my heart was racing in my chest. Before I could even respond to this very obviously declared “practice” confession that I was clearly overreacting to, the club room door opened and Yakishio stormed in and looked down at the two of us with a big grin on her face.

“Hey you two! What’s up?”

“N-nothing!” we both said in unison.

Yakishio eyed us suspiciously, her grin slowly but surely leaving her lips.

“Riiiiight,” she said, stretching it a little too long for my comfort. What was that all about?