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The car ride was quiet.
Not a word spoken, MePhone just glad his cat was being well behaved, and that it wasn't dad that picked him up directly.
Probably too much time out of his ever busy days to be picking his son up and taking him home, despite having shown up to see him in the hospital a few days prior.
MePhone wasn't too fussed about it anyways, honestly. He'd prefer the quiet of a stranger than a car ride with his dad any day. He knew he'd just be receiving insult after insult if that were the case.
He didn't have the energy to handle that right now. Really, to handle anything. Honestly, he still just felt numb. Exhausted. He was still definitely sick too, which wasn't helping much. Still recovering, and honestly, he didn't think any of this would make that process any easier.
Despite burning all his bridges, and having nothing left, he still felt awful driving away from it all. It hadn’t felt real for a while, but now, holding his cat in his arms as he was driven away, watching familiar scenery out the window shift into unrecognizable blurs, he just felt so… Defeated was probably the closest word. He didn’t know how else to describe it.
He was still just tired, and struggling, and he’d honestly do anything to have this be a really bad, realistic nightmare. He’d do anything to go back and apologize to Two, even if they probably hated him by now. Go try and actually properly talk about things with 4s. But none of that was going to happen.
A sigh as he leaned his head against the window, spacing out as the scenery just continued to shift. His world was going to change today. Everything was going to be different, but by tomorrow, he was sure he’d be right back in the cycle he was before he ran away. Back to feeling numb, and empty, and sad every day. Something that took so long to break out of, even after getting out of there. He was only just starting to warm up to the world around him again. To feel like it was worth going through every day.
He knew he was losing all of that now.
Most of the rest of the car ride was spent disassociated. He wasn’t able to focus on any of it, until the car finally stopped. Hours later, it was evening now, and once he regained his focus, he could see the sun dipping down past the tree line behind the house he grew up in.
A few hard blinks, staring at the scenery outside the car. Familiar again, but not in a good way. Sickening. Horrible. The only plus side was the lack of his dad’s car in the driveway.
He got out of the car, not really paying much attention to the driver, who got out too, moving to get the few packed bags out of the trunk.
All he brought with him were his clothes, and documents. That was all he had of worth anyways. The little furniture he had could go to whoever was going to rent his home, or be given away, or something. It didn’t matter to him now, but the idea of someone moving in to what was his space, where he had considered his home for so long now, it felt nauseating.
The house he stood in front of now with his cat was not his home. Really, it never had been. But it was still a place he had lived, and existed in for most of his life.
It took him a while to muster the courage to walk down the path towards the door, still holding carefully onto his cat, which seemed as anxious as he was about the new surroundings. He felt bad for ripping her away from the area she knew. He prayed she’d adjust well, and that he’d still have time to take her on walks sometimes, but he wasn’t sure.
He stood in front of the door, only stepping aside for the person who drove him here to step in front of him, moving to unlock the door, before handing him the key. Right. He’d need a key to this house, something he hadn’t even really given any thought to.
A bit of a slump in his posture as he slipped it into his pocket, before stepping in. He let the cat down, watching as she scurried into the living room area, just trying to find anything that seemed remotely similar. He doubted she’d find any of that here. Any taste of the home they lived in for a while. Gone now.
Another sigh as he took a moment to look around. It hadn’t changed much. A few new details here and there, but still familiar. Same layout, same theme, new electronics-- as to be expected, along with the same tension in the air. A terrible bitter taste at the familiar smell of the home, one he hoped he wouldn’t have to smell again. Not a bad smell, just… Overwhelmingly unpleasant, considering the memories. All the thoughts and things that happened to him here slowly starting to catch up with him as he slowly turned his head, looking around. Landing on the couch he was shoved off of in middle school for failing one of his end of year exams. Over to the kitchen where he had been shoved against the wall, feeling all the air leave his body.
His body shuddered at that. Still uncomfortable. Still horrible, and awful, and he hated it. All of this.
The driver said nothing as he placed the bags down for MePhone to deal with himself, before leaving, a small subtle nod, and nothing else as the door shut behind him.
Leaving MePhone alone in the house he grew up in. Much like before, all alone.
A steady breath. Another, more shaky one as he took a step, tears pricking at the edges of his eyes. The numbness steadily fading, leaving sorrow and hurt in it’s wake. So much hurt in this house. Too much to feel comfortable in anyways. A new detail, glancing around to see several cameras. Stepping down the hall, one in there too. A lingering hand on the door handle to the room he grew up in, not having the strength to open it.
But still finding it in him to open it anyways, even with the twisting tidal wave of feelings coiling in his chest. Horrible. Awful. Nothing had been changed. A room he wept in. Slept in. Hurt in. A room that held too much all at once, feelings that crashed down.
A shaky, unsteady breath, before his legs gave out from under him, curling up on the floor with a sob.
He was home now, and everything was worse. He was home, and his life before as he had known it was gone. Ash carried away by the wind, nothing but memories left of it. Nothing but sorrow, and ache.
He’d never experience the joys of that life again, it felt in this moment. He’d never experience joy at all, really, something he so strongly believed now, stuck under his dad’s grasp again. Thrown back into the cage he tried so desperately to escape from.
None of that was for anything, it seemed. Leaving him like this. Alone. Isolated. Aching. A nausea, and feeling of horror gripping him, feeling so tight in his core that it felt like he’d never feel a moment of peace or content ever again.
And all he could do about it was weep. He gripped at his hair, heaving and sobbing, the weight of everything, all of this crashing so hard down on him. It hurt.
It hurt, and it felt like maybe it would never stop hurting again, knowing that all he’d ever be now, is a tool, a pawn for someone else’s game.
He’d do anything to make any of this stop, but deep down, he knew there was no getting out of this. If it had failed to work, and stick when he had run away in the first place, then that fact was true, that it never worked, and it had clearly never meant to work for as long as it had.
He just prayed to the Gods that this would all be over soon, or at the very least get any easier, something he’d be repeating, and hoping to himself for months to come.