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Summary
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know what it’s like to snowball. To hear one thing, see one look, and feel it grow and grow in my chest. I learned how to internalize it. I learned how to be happy whenever I was with anyone, even a single person to stand next to me. If they do that, then I can take a breath. Because that means I’m not alone in my brain. I’m always stuck in my brain, and there’s no way out. I feel everything, like I'm on the verge of an explosion or combustion every waking moment. I’m living in that space where you get a second wind before you collapse. That's every single moment and day of my life.
Marcus used to be my person to help. I helped him, because I needed to be around people. If Marcus was around me, and so were my friends, I could almost be normal. No one needs me anymore. He’s getting better. My friends found a better version of me.
I love you, but I can't stay here anymore. My brain is too loud. I can't be alone any longer. By the time you read this, I'll be in my room, I’m sorry.Love, Maxine.